Queer Sex Coven: Braid Sex Into Love (and Sex)

It is Scorpio season which means we are all very horny. However, Scorpio has zero chill and does nothing casually. Back in Libra season it was fine and dandy to have a hookup or friends with benefits; maybe you met someone on Tinder and enjoyed a month or two of hot sex and no commitments. But now it’s what the Muggles refer to as cuffing season. You’re not just horny; you’re falling in love. You are in Scorpio season and understand what these creepy water signs go through all year round. You want more. You want to have your sex and eat your love too. That’s okay — with the power of self-reflection, communication, and witchcraft you’re going to turn your hot hookup into a real-life relationship.

Spell Ingredients:

You will need three pieces of red ribbon or felt and a Sharpie. Classic black works fine but try metallic silver or gold for extra sparkle. You will also need a notebook and a pen. The most difficult-to-obtain ingredients for this spell are honesty, vulnerability, and communication.

When is the best time to cast this spell?

Love spells for growth are most effective during the waxing moon. Try casting this spell on a Friday, the day of the week which Venus, the planet of love rules. For ultimate big witch energy make your braid when the moon is in Taurus or Libra, the two signs ruled by Venus.

What deity should I work with?

Venus is the love spell go-to goddess. She’s like a Hitachi wand ⁠— reliable, a sure orgasm, and has been around for a minute.

Step-by-Step Breakdown:

1. It’s hard to think straight when you’re coming your face off regularly. That shit binds you to someone. It’s science. Part of being a witch is doing spells and the other is common sense. Using common sense minimizes your chances of ignoring every red flag in sight and the inevitable hexes that will result. So take out your notebook and pen and write a pro-con list of this person. Great sex is important. Scorpio season is all about honoring the holiness of great sex. But how would they treat you in an STI scare? Have you triple-checked that they didn’t vote for Trump? Be brutally honest with yourself about the person you’re porking before braiding yourself together.

2. The second step of this spell is truly groundbreaking. If you are still reading, I assume that you want a full-on-Instagram-public-relationship with this person. But what do they want? Scorpios dig deep. During Scorpio season, we’re all craving the deeper truth. So ask them how they’re feeling. You don’t have to DTR entirely, but check their temperature. If they’re into it, let’s braid.

3. Take three trips of red fabric. One represents you, one represents your partner, and one represents the relationship. Using your Sharpie, write your name on one and theirs on the second. For the third, the relationship, write a word that signifies your union, such as “love,” “Satan,” “daddy,” etc.

4. Tie the three pieces of fabric in a knot at the top and then braid them together. When you are finished, put it under your pillow. Sleep with it for all of Scorpio season. Yes, you can hide it when they come over.

5. If you two survive Scorpio season together, congrats. You’re getting married.

Sophie Saint Thomas is a freelance writer based in Brooklyn and is originally from the U.S. Virgin Islands. High Times named her one of their “100 Women in High Places” for her writing on cannabis, and Brooklyn Magazine has named her one of their "30 Under 30's" in their annual Envy List. She has been published in GQ, Playboy, VICE, Cosmopolitan, Forbes, Allure, Glamour, Marie Claire, High Times, Nylon, Refinery29, Complex, Harper’s Bazaar, PRIDE Magazine, SELF, and more. She currently lives in Greenpoint with her two marmalade tabby cats, Mama Cat and Major Tom Cat. She has more than one David Bowie tattoo. Follow Sophie on Twitter.

Sophie has written 9 articles for us.

2 Comments

  1. What a fab spell!

    I am Scorpio Sun, Pisces Moon. I have no chill. I have fallen madly in someone who is all chill and we haven’t so much as hugged yet and it’s literally killing me. I just want to devour them whole. Ahhhhh

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