Play Our “Parents Television Council Match Game,” Win a Thing

I’m obsessed with the Parent’s Television Council television recaps and so I’ve created a Match Game for you. But first, I want to talk a little bit about The Parents Television Council television recaps. You know how we only recap the lesbian parts of our favorite shows, like Pretty Little Liars and Skins Season 3? Well, the PTC does something similar with their recaps — they only recap the sex, drugs and profanity, and they do so with the same meticulous fascination we take to homosexual content.

For example, from last week’s episode recap of Skins on MTV:

The episode opens with the camera lovingly focusing on Chris’ massive store of erectile medication. Then the viewer is treated to multiple scenes of Chris’ erection tenting out his shorts; Chris staggering to the bathroom and urinating on his own face due to his erection; and finally, Chris relieving himself against a shower curtain.

To be perfectly honest I don’t think that the PTC’s concerns are always off-base — they have some compelling points to make about violence against women, for example, and they are careful to avoid homophobia. There are some recaps that I even actually agree with in parts, like this one of Sex Rehab With Dr Drew.

But I do find their opinions on drugs and sex to be counterproductive, ignorant of how life really is, and excessively puritanical. I do not find Janet Jackson’s nipple or Adam Lambert’s Big Gay Kiss remotely offensive or damaging to children but I am offended that The Parents Television Council is offended by Janet Jackson’s nipple and Adam Lambert’s kiss. You know?

In any event — what I dislike most about The Parents Television Council is their conviction that it’s the responsibility of the networks and the advertisers to monitor and censor content for children. It’s not. That’s your parents’ responsibility, period. Furthermore, the PTC should give kids and teenagers a little more credit — they’re not blind sheep dumbly patterning behavior after teevee shows, they’re whole entire human beings with original thoughts & moral compasses. Etc!

Anyhow — SO! Are you ready to play a game?


Here’s how it works. First, I’m giving you this list of just some of she shows The Parents Television Council has recapped as one of the Worst Shows of the Week:

How I Met Your Mother, Family Guy, Two and a Half Men, A Double Shot at Love with The Ikki Twins, Nip/Tuck, Ugly Americans, UK Skins on BBC America, Rock of Love Charm School with Sharon Osbourne, 90210, Mad Men, South Park, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia,  American Dad, Jersey Shore, The Real World: Back in New Orleans, Glee, Law & Order: SVU, Criminal Minds, House, Desperate Housewives, Gossip Girl, Love Bus With Bret Michaels.

Now below I’ve pulled descriptions of some of those shows listed above from the Parents Television Council recaps. Your job is to match the description with the show!

Share what answers you DO have in the comments, if you want, and the first person to get them all right or the person who has gotten the most right wins an Autostraddle 2011 Calendar and a vintage Autostraddle sticker.

+

Descriptions of Teevee Shows By the Parents Television Council:

1. “[This show is filled with] repulsive hookups, drunken binges, and profanity-laced grunts posing as speech. This program is an evolutionist’s dream; if ever there was proof that Man is descended from apes, the cretins on [this show] provide it.”

2. “…the scatological show has emerged as cable television’s top compendium of social perversity… seemingly rips storylines from a dictionary of deviance.”

3. “Like a recurrent bout of dysentery, [this show] is the gift that keeps on giving. The [most recent episode] of the sex-slathered drug-addict drama continued its efforts to portray teenage life as crushingly depressing, obsessed with meaningless, emotion- and consequence-free sex, and manageable only through the ingestion of massive quantities of controlled substances.”

4. “A steady stream of bleeped expletives and one unbleeped f-bomb from some of the lewdest, crudest, most conniving women on television.”

5. “…a blood-soaked, sex-laced medical soap opera.”

6. “It is nearly impossible to watch an episode of [this show] without feeling sickened… a TV program that exploits child molestation for the purpose of “entertainment.”

7. “Given the increasing amount of graphic sexual situations on television, perhaps in 30 years, it will be perfectly normal for parents to regale their children with sordid tales of their sexual conquests.  But for now, the premise behind [this show] is grossly inappropriate.”

8. “Jobless twenty-somethings being housed in a palatial home in an exotic setting for free, then turned loose on a month-long spree of drunken carousing, casual sex, and overly dramatic and immature personality conflicts, while being followed by camera crews every second.”

9. “[This episode of this show was] an endorsement of narcotics abuse, public masturbation, and school sanctioned burlesque. But perhaps most troubling is the deification of a troubled pop star into a symbol of empowerment and self-esteem.”

10. “One short week after showing a character eating out of a baby’s full diaper, eating vomit, and licking the baby’s rear, viewers got an episode with an outrageously stereotyped gay father having a sex-change operation, graphic violence and sexual innuendo, and yet more vomiting.”

11. “…what could be better than a lovelorn bi-sexual, marginally famous, scantily-clad car model?  Why, two lovelorn bi-sexual, marginally famous, scantily-clad car models, of course – and identical twins no less!”

12. “…behind whatever thinly-veiled social commentary… just an excuse to make fart jokes … no matter where they come from… when did the word “comedy” become synonymous with “heartless” and “disgusting”?”

13. “When future generations look back and wonder when America’s cultural decline began, they may consider a variety of possible starting points; but there will be no argument that, at least in terms of entertainment, the metaphorical apocalypse was well underway by 2010… as proof consider exhibit #1 [this show]… a particularly disgusting mélange of violence and gore.”

Before you go! 99.9% of our readers don't support Autostraddle. Still, it takes funding to keep this indie queer publication running every day. And the majority of our funding comes from readers like you. That's less than 1% of our readers who keep Autostraddle around for EVERYBODY. Will you join them?

Riese is the 39-year-old Co-Founder and CEO of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2885 articles for us.

33 Comments

  1. My answers..

    1 two and a half men
    2 desperate housewifes
    3 uk skins
    4 gossip girl
    5 nip/tuck
    6 law and order: SVU
    7 how i met your mother
    8 jersey shore
    9 love bus with brett michaels
    10 southpark
    11 double shot at love
    12 family guy

    Also.. first comment :)

  2. Here I go!

    1. Jersey Shore
    2. It’s Always Sunny
    3. UK Skins
    4. Rock of Love Charm School
    5. Nip/Tuck
    6. Law & Order SVU
    7. How I Met Your Mother
    8. Real World
    9. Glee
    10. Family Guy
    11. A Double Shot at Love with the Ikki Twins
    12. South Park
    13. Criminal Minds

    : D

  3. Currently sitting in lecture right now talking about representation in media, therefore I consider playing this game to be going above and beyond what is expected of me in this class. huzzah!

    1. Jersey shore
    2. it’s always sunny
    3. Uk Skins
    4. Rock of love charm school
    5. nip/tuck
    6. Law and order svu
    7.how i met your mother
    8. the real world: back in new orleans
    9. Glee
    10. Family guy
    11. double shot at love with the ikki twins
    12. south park
    13. Ugly americans

      • HOLLY EFF. I most definitely just whispered (a little too loudly) “awesome” in lecture and the lecture slide that is currently up is most definitely about human rights abuses during the French Revolution…ya know, slaughter of innocent people is super cool. which is not nearly as bad as the time I actually laughed during a lecture about rape as a war tactic because my friend posted a ridiculous picture on my wall. And I wonder why our professors have started banning laptops in class.
        ANYHOOOO, YAAAAAY! I never win things, and what a thing to win! Again, I consider this a responsible thing to be doing in class because now I’m getting a calendar, which will help me keep track of my life and maybe be productive at some point in my life again? and cute girls, i can keep track of cute girls. the sticker is just a bonus. :)

  4. 1) Jersey Shore
    2) South Park
    3) UK Skins
    4) Desperate Housewives
    5) Nip/Tuck
    6) Law and Order: SVU
    7) How I Met Your Mother
    8) TRW:Back in New Orleans
    9) Love Bus with Bret Michaels
    10) Family Guy
    11) A Double Shot of Love
    12) Ugly Americans
    13) Criminal Minds

  5. 1. Jersey Shore
    2. Its Always Sunny
    3. UK Skins
    4. Rock of Love: Charm School
    5. Nip/Tuck
    6. Law and Order: SVU
    7. How I Met Your Mother
    8. Real World: Return to New Orleans
    9. Glee
    10. Family Guy
    11. A Double Shot at Love with the Ikki Twins
    12. South Park
    13. Ugly Americans

    BOOYAH!

  6. Here we go:

    1. Love Bus with Bret Michaels
    2. It’s Always Sunny
    3. Skins UK
    4. Charm School
    5. Nip/Tuck
    6. Law & Order: SVU
    7. Two and a Half Men
    8. TRW: Back in New Orleans
    9. Glee
    10. Family Guy
    11. Ikki Twins
    12. South Park
    13. Ugly Americans

  7. Try my luck at this:

    1. Jersey Shore
    2. South Park
    3. UK Skins on BBC America
    4. Rock of Love Charm School with Sharon Osbourne
    5. Nip/Tuck
    6. Law & Order: SVU
    7. Two and a Half Men
    8. The Real World: Back in New Orleans
    9. Glee
    10. Family Guy
    11. A Double Shot at Love with The Ikki Twins
    12. American Dad
    13. Criminal Minds

  8. I wonder if they recapped the original 90210 and the new 90210 with some comparative analysis. If not, PTC should go back and retro recap the original because I think this would be well worth their time. And maybe it would keep them quiet about current shows for like ten seconds. that’d be nice.

  9. Are you sure Jersey Shore shouldn’t be the answer for both 1 and 4 or better yet, Real Housewives of Atlanta for # 4? Those are some conviving, evil…I’ll leave the last word of my description out. But here goes:

    1. Jersey Shore
    2. It’s Always Sunny in Philidelphia
    3. UK Skins on BBC America
    4. Love Bus with Brett Michaels
    5. Nip/Tuck
    6. Law & Order: SVU
    7. Two and a Half Men
    8. Real World: Back in New Orleans
    9. Glee
    10. The Family Guy
    11. A Double Shot of Love with the Ikki Twins
    12. South Park
    13. Ugly Americans

  10. “school sanctioned burlesque” These people make Glee sound fantastic! In fact, they make a lot of these shows sound a lot more interesting than they actually are.

    Also…
    “showing a character eating out of a baby’s full diaper, eating vomit, and licking the baby’s rear, “…
    I feel like its important to note that this character is a CARTOON DOG! I really wanted this to be a description for Two and a half Men, which is actually just like eating a diaper.

  11. Did someone already win? I opened an adjacent Word document. You’re not hardcore unless you live hardcore.

    Jersey Shore, 2 & a Half Men, UK Skins, Desperate Housewives, Grey’s Anatomy, Law & Order: SVU, HIMYM, The Real World: Back in New Orleans, Glee, A Double Shot of Love, Ugly Americans

  12. I remember reading one of their UK Skins recaps, because I also find their site hilarious in a masochistic kind of way. There was a British teen commenter saying they didn’t really know what life was like for kids in the UK and that this show was accurate. Their response: “But is it really accurate? Do teens really talk back to their parents like that and call them swear words? I like to think British teens are better than that.” Or something along those lines.

    First of all, really, what charmed alternative universe do they live in where teens never talk back to their parents and never use profanity when they do it? I was a pretty damn sheltered teenager, but I swore (my parents, actually, didn’t have a problem with it) and yes, I talked back to my parents. Second of all, what level of arrogance does it take for a US adult to think they know more about British teen life than someone who IS a British teenager?

  13. And I don’t know if I agree that they’re not homophobic. I think they’re just subtle about it. I don’t know, the way they listed the characters’ “sins” in their summary of Skins UK, and all they had to say about Emily was “lesbian” alongside everyone else’s sluttitude and pill-popping, suggested to me they think there’s something wrong with being gay. They do the same with Glee; Kurt’s “coming-out storyline” is included next to AND THERE IS SEX! AND TEEN PREGNANCY! AND SOMETIMES, DRUGS! If they didn’t consider that to be “adult” or “controversial” why would they include it?

Contribute to the conversation...

Yay! You've decided to leave a comment. That's fantastic. Please keep in mind that comments are moderated by the guidelines laid out in our comment policy. Let's have a personal and meaningful conversation and thanks for stopping by!