Back at Dyad, Cosima overhears Delphine and Scott talking. So many plot points on this show are based on someone overhearing someone else. Does no one in the Orphan Black universe know what an inside voice is?
Is this what Sandberg means by leaning in?
Cosima discovers that she has in fact been given Kira’s stem cells, and she’s horrified. Delphine tells her they were set up by Leekie to find the stem cells, and that she only knew after the cells started working. Cosima is heartbroken that Delphine wouldn’t tell her, as it’s her body and her science.
You have broken my heart and my vagina.
Delphine tearfully assures her that this was the only way to save her. Apparently they got the cells from one of Kira’s baby teeth and they need to bring Kira in to harvest more cells. Cosima tells Delphine to get out and they are both crying and it’s basically the worst. It’s not like Delphine has bad intentions either, she genuinely wants to save her girlfriend. But Cosima has just about had enough of other people controlling her body and her life.
But they’re just baby teeth! She’s not even using them!
It’s Family Day at rehab, and Alison is dressed to impress in her power suit. Vic walks into her room to find Felix, who calls him a selfish manure bag of a man (nice insult!). Vic apologizes but tells them he doesn’t have any other options. Felix tells Vic that Sarah is pissed, and Vic perks up at the idea of seeing Sarah.
You’re a dick. A dick in a nice sweater, but a dick nonetheless.
What he said!
Over at Dyad, Dr. Leekie meets with Marion (aka Maryann from True Blood), a Dyad executive.
Damn, that jacket is dreamy.
He tells her that Duncan is alive and they discuss what to do regarding Rachel. Once she finds out the truth, will she side with her father or with Dyad? Marion also says that Sarah Manning is increasingly becoming a problem.
I’ll just do what I did on True Blood: raise my hands to the sky and start vibrating.
Back at the docks, Cal asks Sarah to run away with him to Reykjavik. Sarah says no, as she hates glaciers and an all fish diet. Cal wants to know her big secret, but she still refuses to tell him.
Did you know that in Iceland they put mayonnaise and fried onions on hot dogs?
And you want to move us there? I told you Cal, it’s mustard or nothing!
Sarah then gets a call from Felix, who says she needs to come meet them at rehab. Alison expressly tells her to come “clean up her doodoo,” so you know she’s serious.
And by “doodoo” I mean your fucking bullshit ex.
Family Day is in full swing and everybody gets a decorated nametag… except for Donnie. I legit laughed so hard at this.
Aaaaand none for Donnie.
Felix brings Sarah in the back way and takes her to Vic. Vic wants to atone for all his shitty behavior, and Sarah is like, “you’re absolved, now fuck off please.”
Sarah, I’m sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes and Noble. And I’m sorry I told everyone about it. And I’m sorry for repeating it now.
WHO DID YOU TELL?!
Alison is finally reunited with her kids and her shitty husband. Yay kids! Boo Donnie!
Barely tolerating Donnie’s presence.
Vic wants Sarah back, but Sarah is not at all interested. In the midst of trying to win her back, Vic passes out and face plants on Alison’s craft table.
Vic woke up on Ke$ha’s dressing room floor so confused.
Wow, snorting glitter will fuck you up!
Felix admits he spiked Vic’s tea and lacks a back-up plan regarding the now unconscious Vic.
At Dyad, Mrs. S shows up to meet with Dr. Leekie. She tells him she has all of Duncan’s research, and she’s willing to trade it and Duncan himself for Kira’s freedom. She says that Sarah can handle herself, but Kira deserves better. Leekie seems to consider it.
You do accept floppy disks, right?
Yeah… in 1992! But seriously, give me everything you have.
Sarah and Felix drag a passed-out Vic onto the bed. He’s covered with glitter, feathers, and other crafting detritus. Mrs. S calls Sarah and tells her that Rachel doesn’t know that Leekie killed her mother. They agree to drop the bomb on Rachel and blow up Dyad’s shit. Mrs. S is officially the best partner in crime on the planet.
And boom goes the dynamite!
Dynamite goes boom.
Suddenly, the rehab counselor knocks on the door and demands that Alison come out and participate in Family Day. Sarah is forced to slap on a headband and pretend to be Alison, which means we’re in for my favorite Orphan Black device: clones pretending to be other clones!
You’ve been douching for 25 minutes, enough already.
While Sarah is off pretending to be Alison, Alison finds Felix and Vic. Felix is all, “I drugged him, you’re welcome” but Alison tells him that family will be touring the rooms and they have to get Vic the fuck out of there. Glitter covered criminals are not part of the festivities.
Jesus Christ, he looks like he just fucked a disco ball!
Ange pulls up at the rehab center and wait for Vic to show up.
Resting Bitch Face: Special Victims Unit
Meanwhile, the counselor tells Sarah that she has to make the opening remarks in front of everyone. Uh oh, spaghettios. Also, Sarah Stubbs is there, ready to cheer Alison on. I love her.
Seriously Sarah, nobody is that excited for Family Day at rehab.
Or maybe I’m wrong.
Sarah gets up and proceeds to pull a speech out of her ass. She starts by calling the rehab patients pillheads and boozehounds, and the counselor is like, “WTF are you doing?”
I told you that in confidence Alison, get it together!
Ange storms into rehab looking for Vic, while Alison and Felix are dragging Vic’s body all over the rehab center to hide him.
Worst/best piggyback ride ever?
Sarah now has to perform a role playing exercise with Donnie, who does a pretty great Alison impression. Sarah watches through the window as Alison and Felix cart Vic’s body up and down the stairs. Meanwhile, she has to pretend she’s Alison pretending to be Donnie in their role play, and shit is getting way too complicated.
Is he for real with this pledge of allegiance shit?
Also, is this exercise really appropriate to do in front of Alison’s kids? Sarah excuses herself to tinkle, and leaves this shit show.
Be honest: if you had to fuck this guy, you’d drink yourself into a stupor too, right?
Felix and Alison narrowly avoid Ange and text her from Vic’s phone to go back outside. Sarah meets them back in Alison’s room, and they are both like, “seriously, what the fuck was that?” Just when everything seems sorted, Donnie walks in and is shocked to see Sarah.
I’m the Mary, and you’re the Rhoda.
Alison tells him to cut out the act, but Donnie isn’t acting. Turns out he’s just as big an idiot at we thought, and is completely in the dark about the clone conspiracy.
You lost me at hello.
OMG your husband is stupider than he looks. And he looks like a fucking dumbass.
The staff find Vic passed out behind the reception desk and assumed he fell off the wagon… and into a pile of glitter.
How I look the morning after Pride
Mrs. S brings Paul and Rachel to meet Duncan, and Rachel reunites with her father. While Rachel comes face to face with the horrifying truth about Leekie, Paul and Mrs. S discuss their next moves.
This show is turning into coat porn and I love it.
I know it’s been twenty years but… can I borrow the keys to the car?
Back at rehab, Donnie tells Alison that he had no idea about the clones. He thought he was doing a long term social metrics study that he was recruited for in college.
You ruined our marriage for sociology?!
For Communications or Anthropology, I understand, but SOC?!
Alison screams at him that he destroyed their lives with all the spying and lying, and he’s so dumb he doesn’t even know why. Donnie fumes as Sarah and Felix sneak out.
But I washed my hands. That has to count for something, right?
Rachel meets Dr. Leekie in his office and tells him that her dad says hi. Dr. Leekie tells her to think carefully and not do anything rash, but Rachel is cold as ice. He tells her they were setting science back decades and he had to intervene, but all Rachel hears is the destruction of her family. He tells her not to fight, that it’s already done.
Also, you wore a lab coat to my sweet sixteen. What kind of a monster are you?
Rachel then calls Marion and puts her on speaker. Turns out Dyad values Rachel more than Leekie, and Marion has given her the go ahead to eliminate him.
You said it was dressy casual!
Leekie starts to cry, but Rachel says she won’t kill him. He thanks her for sparing him; it’s foolish, but she can’t help it. Leekie raised her. Nurture prevails. Leekie kisses her on the forehead and leaves.
Forehead Kiss: the staple of all condescending men
Sarah is at the docks when she gets a phone call from Cosima. Cosima hates that she has to ask, but she needs Kira’s stem cells.
Is there a non-creepy way to ask for Kira’s teeth? No? I need them anyway.
Sarah is ambivalent, but Kira overhears the conversation and pulls out her loose tooth. Looks like the kid is on board. Sarah leaves with Kira and says goodbye to Cal.
I assume this means the Tooth Fairy will be paying me double, right?
Meanwhile, Leekie is on the street trying to catch a cab. A car pulls up, and it’s Donnie. Donnie pulls a gun on Leekie and demands that he get in the car. He blames Leekie for ruining his marriage, but Leekie tells him that he’s merely a footnote in the science.
But I’m a white man! Everything is supposed to work out for me!
Leekie tells him he wouldn’t even have Alison if it weren’t for him. He also calls Donnie a turnip, which is pretty accurate. Leekie tells Donnie to go home, and Donnie refuses to participate anymore.
It’s not going great for me either. Maybe we should join an MRA group.
Donnie slams his hand on the steering wheel in frustration, forgetting that he’s holding a fucking gun. The gun fires and blows Leekie’s brains out. Whoops. Goodbye Dr. Leekie.
I just made a huge mistake
Next week: Cosima coughs up blood and I throw my television out the window!
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Can I just give a shout out to Mrs. S’s Pussy Riot jumper!
Yay mega-recap! I’ve been looking forward to this.
Things I loved in these episodes:
– Helena singing. More of that please.
– Cosima actually called Delphine a puppy.
– Alison’s method of expressing her current feelings towards Donnie: non-decorated name tag. BURN.
– Mrs. S is not only a badass, but a badass with a thermos and some biscuits in her pocket. She is the whole package.
Present thing I’m worrying about: Cosima’s going to be okay, right? They won’t kill her. Right??
Okay so that stem cell scene was way too weird. Delphine just kept asking “can you feel that?” and like sex and stem cells shouldn’t go well together? Or maybe they should? I don’t know, I had a lot of conflicting thoughts about getting hot and heavy while someone has a speculum in their vag.
Also, Art and Felix are my new headcanon and I need it to become a Real Thing.
Right? I just said “this is so weird” over and over through the whole exam. If I was Cosima, I don’t know that I would be able to think of kissing my girlfriend the same after that.
I thought that Delphine was asking Cosima “Can you feel that?” because she was numb from the anaesthetic they gave her. And she was kissing her and nuzzling her to comfort her and distract her from the (probably very uncomfortable and definitely very scary) procedure. I didn’t read it as a sex thing, more of a romantic and comforting thing thing. But that’s just how I saw that scene.
I think that’s exactly what was happening. Granted, that doesn’t totally eliminate the weird juxtaposition between very clinical science thingy and romantically kissing your girlfriend, but I guess their relationship has never been cut and dry. After all, Cosima is the scientist and the subject and Delphine is the girlfriend, the other scientist, and the monitor.
Excellent recaps (and a tall task)!
I feel like I’m going to get my ladyqueer card revoked for this, but I was kind of excited that Cosima told Delphine to get lost. I really want to see this chemistry, but I don’t. Delphine bores me to tears. Am I the only one?
Does anyone else feel like some of the supporting cast is too similar-looking on this show? I get a lot of the white dudes confused and now I’m confused about Ange and Marian.
You are not alone—I’m not really seeing the chemistry, either.
Also, Ange is stupid and annoying and not a very good actor. Marian is MICHELLE MOTHER-FREAKIN’ FORBES and she is AWESOME and more badass and hotter. So there’s that. Though I will grant you that there are now 3 brown-haired white ladies in their 40s/50s. I think the solution is to get rid of Ange and then have Siobhan and Marian mud-wrestle their way to the top.
Thank GAWD! I missed the recaps so much. Never leave us again.
(Or do, because you have a life and all.) But seriously: the recaps are probably 25% of my enjoyment of the show. Thank you for your public service.
As an engineer I cannot confirm the poking with a stick theory! Normally engineers have 90 slide PowerPoints to explain what they may or may not know.
That pottery crack is one thing, but sociology?? YOU’VE GONE TOO FAR! ;)