Back at Dyad, Cosima overhears Delphine and Scott talking. So many plot points on this show are based on someone overhearing someone else. Does no one in the Orphan Black universe know what an inside voice is?
Cosima discovers that she has in fact been given Kira’s stem cells, and she’s horrified. Delphine tells her they were set up by Leekie to find the stem cells, and that she only knew after the cells started working. Cosima is heartbroken that Delphine wouldn’t tell her, as it’s her body and her science.
Delphine tearfully assures her that this was the only way to save her. Apparently they got the cells from one of Kira’s baby teeth and they need to bring Kira in to harvest more cells. Cosima tells Delphine to get out and they are both crying and it’s basically the worst. It’s not like Delphine has bad intentions either, she genuinely wants to save her girlfriend. But Cosima has just about had enough of other people controlling her body and her life.
It’s Family Day at rehab, and Alison is dressed to impress in her power suit. Vic walks into her room to find Felix, who calls him a selfish manure bag of a man (nice insult!). Vic apologizes but tells them he doesn’t have any other options. Felix tells Vic that Sarah is pissed, and Vic perks up at the idea of seeing Sarah.
Over at Dyad, Dr. Leekie meets with Marion (aka Maryann from True Blood), a Dyad executive.
He tells her that Duncan is alive and they discuss what to do regarding Rachel. Once she finds out the truth, will she side with her father or with Dyad? Marion also says that Sarah Manning is increasingly becoming a problem.
Back at the docks, Cal asks Sarah to run away with him to Reykjavik. Sarah says no, as she hates glaciers and an all fish diet. Cal wants to know her big secret, but she still refuses to tell him.
Sarah then gets a call from Felix, who says she needs to come meet them at rehab. Alison expressly tells her to come “clean up her doodoo,” so you know she’s serious.
Family Day is in full swing and everybody gets a decorated nametag… except for Donnie. I legit laughed so hard at this.
Felix brings Sarah in the back way and takes her to Vic. Vic wants to atone for all his shitty behavior, and Sarah is like, “you’re absolved, now fuck off please.”
Alison is finally reunited with her kids and her shitty husband. Yay kids! Boo Donnie!
Vic wants Sarah back, but Sarah is not at all interested. In the midst of trying to win her back, Vic passes out and face plants on Alison’s craft table.
Felix admits he spiked Vic’s tea and lacks a back-up plan regarding the now unconscious Vic.
At Dyad, Mrs. S shows up to meet with Dr. Leekie. She tells him she has all of Duncan’s research, and she’s willing to trade it and Duncan himself for Kira’s freedom. She says that Sarah can handle herself, but Kira deserves better. Leekie seems to consider it.
Sarah and Felix drag a passed-out Vic onto the bed. He’s covered with glitter, feathers, and other crafting detritus. Mrs. S calls Sarah and tells her that Rachel doesn’t know that Leekie killed her mother. They agree to drop the bomb on Rachel and blow up Dyad’s shit. Mrs. S is officially the best partner in crime on the planet.
Suddenly, the rehab counselor knocks on the door and demands that Alison come out and participate in Family Day. Sarah is forced to slap on a headband and pretend to be Alison, which means we’re in for my favorite Orphan Black device: clones pretending to be other clones!
While Sarah is off pretending to be Alison, Alison finds Felix and Vic. Felix is all, “I drugged him, you’re welcome” but Alison tells him that family will be touring the rooms and they have to get Vic the fuck out of there. Glitter covered criminals are not part of the festivities.
Ange pulls up at the rehab center and wait for Vic to show up.
Meanwhile, the counselor tells Sarah that she has to make the opening remarks in front of everyone. Uh oh, spaghettios. Also, Sarah Stubbs is there, ready to cheer Alison on. I love her.
Sarah gets up and proceeds to pull a speech out of her ass. She starts by calling the rehab patients pillheads and boozehounds, and the counselor is like, “WTF are you doing?”
Ange storms into rehab looking for Vic, while Alison and Felix are dragging Vic’s body all over the rehab center to hide him.
Sarah now has to perform a role playing exercise with Donnie, who does a pretty great Alison impression. Sarah watches through the window as Alison and Felix cart Vic’s body up and down the stairs. Meanwhile, she has to pretend she’s Alison pretending to be Donnie in their role play, and shit is getting way too complicated.
Also, is this exercise really appropriate to do in front of Alison’s kids? Sarah excuses herself to tinkle, and leaves this shit show.
Felix and Alison narrowly avoid Ange and text her from Vic’s phone to go back outside. Sarah meets them back in Alison’s room, and they are both like, “seriously, what the fuck was that?” Just when everything seems sorted, Donnie walks in and is shocked to see Sarah.
Alison tells him to cut out the act, but Donnie isn’t acting. Turns out he’s just as big an idiot at we thought, and is completely in the dark about the clone conspiracy.
The staff find Vic passed out behind the reception desk and assumed he fell off the wagon… and into a pile of glitter.
Mrs. S brings Paul and Rachel to meet Duncan, and Rachel reunites with her father. While Rachel comes face to face with the horrifying truth about Leekie, Paul and Mrs. S discuss their next moves.
Back at rehab, Donnie tells Alison that he had no idea about the clones. He thought he was doing a long term social metrics study that he was recruited for in college.
Alison screams at him that he destroyed their lives with all the spying and lying, and he’s so dumb he doesn’t even know why. Donnie fumes as Sarah and Felix sneak out.
Rachel meets Dr. Leekie in his office and tells him that her dad says hi. Dr. Leekie tells her to think carefully and not do anything rash, but Rachel is cold as ice. He tells her they were setting science back decades and he had to intervene, but all Rachel hears is the destruction of her family. He tells her not to fight, that it’s already done.
Rachel then calls Marion and puts her on speaker. Turns out Dyad values Rachel more than Leekie, and Marion has given her the go ahead to eliminate him.
Leekie starts to cry, but Rachel says she won’t kill him. He thanks her for sparing him; it’s foolish, but she can’t help it. Leekie raised her. Nurture prevails. Leekie kisses her on the forehead and leaves.
Sarah is at the docks when she gets a phone call from Cosima. Cosima hates that she has to ask, but she needs Kira’s stem cells.
Sarah is ambivalent, but Kira overhears the conversation and pulls out her loose tooth. Looks like the kid is on board. Sarah leaves with Kira and says goodbye to Cal.
Meanwhile, Leekie is on the street trying to catch a cab. A car pulls up, and it’s Donnie. Donnie pulls a gun on Leekie and demands that he get in the car. He blames Leekie for ruining his marriage, but Leekie tells him that he’s merely a footnote in the science.
Leekie tells him he wouldn’t even have Alison if it weren’t for him. He also calls Donnie a turnip, which is pretty accurate. Leekie tells Donnie to go home, and Donnie refuses to participate anymore.
Donnie slams his hand on the steering wheel in frustration, forgetting that he’s holding a fucking gun. The gun fires and blows Leekie’s brains out. Whoops. Goodbye Dr. Leekie.
Next week: Cosima coughs up blood and I throw my television out the window!