Oh, Hey! It’s Alyssa #42: Too Much

“Oh Hey! It’s Alyssawp_postsis a biweekly webcomic by Alyssa

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A. Andrews

A. is a totally complete incomplete paraplegic and thirty-something hanky-in-the-pocket cartoonist weirdo!

A. has written 69 articles for us.


  1. Oof yeah. I’ve been sitting here for a long time trying to come up with a more meaningful comment than “yeah, same”, but I’m not coming up with anything. But thank you for articulating this sentiment so clearly here.

  2. I think many of us who were socialized as female were taught by those around us that we are “too much” – that our emotions are too much, our wants are too much, we talk too much, we cry too much, we ask for too much, we take up too much space.

    I spent so much of my younger years trying to temper myself in the ways society wanted me to: to be a “nice girl,” to defer to the wants and needs of others (especially men), to not come off as too smart, to minimize my achievements, to take up less space in the world in a literal and metaphorical sense.

    But I’m tired, and Alyssa is right – this is bullshit.

    This is not to say that we shouldn’t consider others; of course, we must. But it is to say that knowing and stating who we are, what we want, and what we need is not too much. It’s what’s absolutely necessary if we are to live in community together.

  3. Thank you Alyssa. I feel this a lot. My body is growing and changing; it takes a lot out of me. My friends want me to be super social, but I can’t push myself too much. I’ve made self-care a priority. That is never a burden; it’s something we all deserve.

  4. For me I know for an actual fact some people find me to be too much and I quote, “Ridiculous.”
    My elder brother a married person with kids thinks me and needs for accommodations ridiculous.
    I’m also spoiled and selfish too, it makes me afraid for his kids.

    It’s not a fear or anxiety it’s just facts some people are too small minded to tolerate or enjoy me like the sky is blue for the most part. But I struggle this fact when it comes to putting myself out there for jobs because I know someone small minded, yet smart enough not to cross legally actionable lines will ruin my chances for continued or future employment.
    Because; oh her don’t hire her, she’s difficult had to fire her too much to deal with.

  5. I think about this concept all the time. There’s a poem by Nayyirah Waheed that brings it into focus for me:
    “what about this theory. the fear of not being enough. and the fear of being ‘too much.’ are exactly the same fear.”
    And it is bullshit.

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