Learning to feed yourself can be one of the most terrifying things. Am I about to give myself food poisoning? If I eat this too often will I end up with scurvy? How can I get the most nutritional bang for my buck? Why does this still taste like ass?
With Ode to My Pantry, learn to navigate a grocery store without having a meltdown in aisle three. Give a man a fish and feed him for a day, teach a queer to cook and stave off malnutrition for another semester.
Really now, I don’t even need to title this article. Everyone has four thousand feelings about kale, politically minded or not. It’s so tasty, nutritious and cheap! Whether you’re preaching about it steamed, fried, chipped or raw, there’s always something new to learn. Originally I was going to thank you for signing up for kale facts, but I figured I should try my hand at shitty poetry to fit my title. I have no grasp on strophes or antistrophes and I’m putting off limericks for another day, so this is what you get.
Latin meaning “stem” or “stalk”
Same deal with collards
Or it means money
I’m okay with both
To help fight cancer
Harvest when it’s cold
But I’ve no green thumb
Unless you like wilted greens
Just bathe to revive
Wash leaves carefully
Give leaves a massage
By rubbing between your hands
Poof! Now less woody
Like you’re playing “Tree or Bush”
Less work than chopping
Cut on the bias
To make the stalk edible
Just use like frozen spinach
Throw it into sauce
Impossible to swallow
Maybe try stalk-free
Toss your chips with oil or fat
Or you will make dust
When in doubt add oil
Garlic makes the world go round
Tastes more like itself
Sub in for spinach
That don’t wilt too fast
Meatballs and torn kale
Simmer with broth and orzo
When in doubt add beans
Perfect winter dish
What is next for kale?
Maybe something sweet like cake?
Tell me if it’s good
Or try kale ice cream
I’m not that brave (yet)
Write me a haiku
On how much you love these greens
‘cuz I know you do
My city crowns kale kings and queens each year! It involves lots of drinking.
Do you make lots of cockt-kales?
I have a fun recipe for a kale and mushroom dish with tomato sauce, lemon, and garlic. It is by far my favorite way to eat kale.
Bahahaha the smoothie one.
I knew a guy that would drink a bunch of kale each day – stalks included. “You just have to down it really fast. Like reeeally fast. Don’t let it sit or you’ll choke.”
Kale and some bacon
A true match made in heaven
BACON ON ALL THINGS
i kept wondering what this kale is you guys keep talking about, so i finally asked wikipedia:
“Kale or borecole is a form of cabbage (…) The name borecole most likely originates from the Dutch boerenkool (farmer’s cabbage).”
these posts make SO much more sense now
also, see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stamppot if you’re wondering about traditional dutch (winter)food
THE MORE I KNOW! Thanks!
Kale is on my grocery list today. Just like it is every week. I’m convinced it goes well with everything.
Used the whole damn bunch
For dinner party kale bake
I need a garden
http://www.runningtothekitchen.com/2012/01/kale-feta-egg-bake/ (can double or triple the recipe in a large baking dish for more than one person. I like adding smoked paprika on top)
I just attacked my girlfriend saying we’re making that for dinner STAT. Thanks for feeding my kale addiction
holy. moses. that looks amazing.
UPDATE: made this last night. best fucking thing ever. run don’t walk etc.
I was totally reading this in class and got busted laughing out loud during a lecture. Whoops.
Kale jokes. How do I explain that to my professor.
No really, it’s a funny poem about kale. . . no, you don’t get it? damn.
This is why I’m here
To make you snort during class
Kale! I eat it almost every day.
I love kale chips with garlic and salt. Or kale dust on popcorn is pretty tasty as well. (Get greens in without even thinking about it!)
These look amazing: http://www.thekitchn.com/recipe-spiced-lentil-sweet-potato-and-kale-whole-wheat-pockets-181100?utm_campaign=topblock&utm_medium=web&utm_source=thekitchn-recipe
Also, Kristen, who the hell writes a bunch of haikus about kale. Girl, you creative.
Kale sauteed in olive oil and garlic. For real, so good.
Autostraddle, thank you for beginning and constantly encouraging my obsession with kale. It’s the best. I think I discovered it a year or two ago on here with the Get Baked: Kale Edition! I made kale chips and I was hooked.
Kale is also wonderful with lemon juice and olive oil and a sprinkle of pepper and sea salt, mixed with grape tomatoes, chickpeas and hearts of palm.
I wish my kale hadn’t gone bad so that I could eat some RIGHT NOW. This is so sad. Who wants to share their kale with me?