NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday Liked Your Sext

Feature image of Daisy Ducati and Ella Nova in Crash Pad Series episode 186. All of the photographs in this NSFW Sunday are from the Crash Pad. The inclusion of a visual here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If you’re a photographer or model and think your work would be a good fit for NSFW Sunday, please email carolyn at autostraddle dot com.

Welcome to NSFW Sunday!

Daisy Ducati and Ella Nova, about to kiss

Daisy Ducati and Ella Nova in Crash Pad Series episode 186

Sara Youngblood Gregory writes about how chronic pain made sex better:

“The first time I had sex with another spoonie, my body was a nightmare. I’d been run over by a car three years prior, and after surgery I learned not only would I have to relearn to walk, but I would also be in pain for the rest of my life. We’d been roadtripping throughout the U.S. for weeks and I was sore, exhausted, and freezing. My lover laid me down next to our small, West Virginia fire and asked if I wanted to have sex. She had broad shoulders, rods in her back, and a shaved head. “Yes,” I said.

During, I asked her to hit me. Hard. She took heated stones from the fire and burned me. She pulled my hair and held my face to the dirt. She worked her hands inside me like a puzzle. I begged for it harder and rougher, and she responded—everything informed by the many in-depth conversations we had about our boundaries, desires, and safe words beforehand. With our breath steamy in the cold air, I decided to be in pain. It was my choice, and that choice was a revelation: The reclamation of my pain made into pleasure also meant feeling autonomy within it.”

Chocolate Chip and Tastee Treasures

Chocolate Chip and Tastee Treasures in Crash Pad Series episode 182

Here are the best queer sex toys.

Having sex over webcam? Lock your door.

“Look, sex in the winter is tough. Undressing in a chilly apartment is a shivery boner killer. That’s why, during the holidays, there’s no greater way to spice up your sex life than to fuck through the butt flap in a onesie.” Here’s how.

Check out these seven paddles.

STI corner: Here are the most common STIs of 2019 and how to treat them. Here’s how to get free HIV medication. Here’s how someone who’s HIV-positive has sex with a HIV-negative partner. Her’s how herpes became a sexual boogeyman. Here’s how stigma around HPV makes HPV worse.

This advice is directed at straight men but honestly applies to queers, too: if you get a sext and you like it, say so.

Dating apps don’t screen for sex offenders.

This year’s bad sex writing is really really bad.

Chocolate Chip and Emperatrix

Chocolate Chip and Emperatrix in Crash Pad Series episode 278

This piece on enemies, and specifically on adopting the enemies of a long-term partner as your own, is kind of sweet, which is why it’s in here — but I’m also curious about your experiences around whether or not it’s applicable to the queer community. Do you take on partners’ enemies as your own? What about partners’ partners’ enemies? What about partners’ partners’ partners’ enemies? If so, do you ever worry you won’t be able to be friends with everyone and regardless isn’t that exhausting? Or is it like exes and some you’re friends with and some you’re not? Do you also find “enemy” as code for “someone with whom I do not get along” a little extreme, language-wise? Or do you actually want to destroy anyone with whom you or your partner do/does not get along? If so, have you considered therapy? What happens if your partner stops considering an enemy an enemy? What happens to your relationship to your partners’ enemies if you break up?:

“Under the best circumstances, as a relationship progresses, your life merges gently with your partner’s. Your friends become each other’s friends. Your families become one another’s families to whatever extent is desirable or possible. You grow in your capacity for joy and love, as well as their corollaries, the potential for loss and grief.

All this is common knowledge. A truth less frequently expressed is that along with your expanding set of group text chains and work parties and framed concert posters, you acquire an increasingly vast assortment of enemies. Enemies-in-law, to put it more precisely. Childhood bullies. Estranged best friends. Snotty adult cousins. Professional nemeses. Celebrity grudges. Unaffectionate neighborhood dogs. These may be your partners’ enemies, and if you’re devoted, they’ll become your enemies too.”

Bambi Belle and Denali Winter

Bambi Belle and Denali Winter in Crash Pad Series episode 280

Carolyn Yates was formerly the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor for Autostraddle.com. Her writing has appeared in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, Xtra!, Jezebel, and elsewhere. She lives in Los Angeles by way of Montreal and Toronto. Find her on twitter or instagram.

Carolyn has written 998 articles for us.

8 Comments

  1. Enemies of my ex? Oh, she had a fair few. Some of them I disliked as well, like her previous, abusive, partner. Some were just people that made her angry, and she got angry pretty easily. I thought some of her friends were crap, and eventually I was proven correct. The term enemies is pretty strong stuff, though. I’m not prwling around snapping my fingers and looking to start knifes fights with these people. I’d rather they just stay way the hell away from me. Also, she got pissy with some people that I didn’t think deserved it, and I told her so. Maybe I didn’t trust her judgement as much as the author of that article trust her partner, but then she has, as I said, a history of getting angry.

    • Yeah it seems to me that this should be context-dependent. If someone treated someone I care about in a very shitty way, I’m going to feel negatively about that person for sure. But it wouldn’t strike me as healthy to take on all of another person’s attitudes towards every person they don’t get along with. That sounds more like enmeshment than devotion.

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