NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday Is Thinking About Pandemic Dating

Feature image of Selphie Labrys and Tessa Wreck’d in Crash Pad Series episode 265. All of the photographs in this NSFW Sunday are from the Crash Pad. The inclusion of a visual here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If you’re a photographer or model and think your work would be a good fit for NSFW Sunday, please email carolyn at autostraddle dot com.

Welcome to NSFW Sunday!

Golden Curlz and Papí Coxxx

Golden Curlz and Papí Coxxx in Crash Pad episode 236

“I feel” statements are the best way to communicate within a relationship, but also can make you feel really weird. Here’s how to actually use them:

“Martin starts off couples with a simple four-step process. First, the person offering feedback states the feeling: I feel hurt, upset, angry, sad, etc. The key is that it has to be a real emotion you can take responsibility for, and not a roundabout way to insult the other person. In other words, ‘I feel like you’re being a fucking dick,’ doesn’t count.

In the next step, the person describes the behavior or situation that made them feel that way, followed by explaining any triggers that can be identified: I’m angry when this happens because it reminds me of another upsetting thing that happened. Finally, the speaker offers another option: I would like it if you considered how I feel next time.”

Dylan Ryan and T.Pfister

Dylan Ryan and T.Pfister in Crash Pad Series episode 306

Friend of the pod Mistress Justine’s Cyber BDSFemme is a virtual play party for trans and cis women only and it’s coming up on March 13!

When do you tell someone you’re dating about your risk for Alzheimer’s?

Not getting enough alone time? The word for that is “alonely.”

Here’s how to get rid of the people living rent-free in your head.

Is sexual empowerment a lie?

Lovebombing is when someone showers you in extreme displays, acts, and words of affection early in a relationship to reel you in, then withdraws, making you feel confused, like you did something wrong, or like you now have to chase their affection. Here’s how to recognize it.

Can you stay close to an ex’s family?

Adina and Saffron

Adina and Saffron in Crash Pad Series episode 303

When it comes to sex toys, there’s the 101 options, and there’s everything else. Here’s how to start looking for more advanced sex toys:

“It’s not a toy that qualifies as beginner, advanced or somewhere in-between, it’s a person’s experience level and how they plan to use it. Case in point: There are plenty of remote-controlled panty vibrators, butt plugs and cock rings of all sizes and strengths, but if you wear one out to dinner with a partner and control the vibration while they try their hardest to eat their Cobb salad like normal, that could be considered more ‘advanced’ than using it at home.

That’s why if you’re looking for an advanced toy, Ligon recommends getting more specific with the qualities you’re after as opposed to focusing on whether it should be used by beginners or seasoned pros. ‘Instead of asking for an advanced toy, it would more likely be a question like, ‘What’s your biggest dildo?,’ ‘What’s your strongest vibrator?’ and ‘What’s an unusual new design?’’ she says.”

Aviva Romelli and Selphie Labrys

Aviva Romelli and Selphie Labrys in Crash Pad Series episode 216

The pandemic has made all relationships more complicated and has definitely changed dating. How has it impacted poly ones?:

“As a polyamorous person myself, I’ve similarly found that trying to date during COVID has been its own adventure. I identify as solo poly, which means that I consider myself my own primary partner and focus most of my time and energy into my relationship with myself, ahead of starting or maintaining any external partnerships. Given that I’m immunocompromised and disabled, I haven’t felt safe dating or being with others in person. […]

One of the things I and so many others find so singularly satisfying about polyamory is connecting with many people without shame or apology, in part because this affords us the ability to work on different kinds of communication styles and in different kinds of relationship structures. That hasn’t changed for me during the pandemic. I’ve personally practiced communication and providing affection by sending love letters across the universe and great divides of physical distance, all in hopes of staying connected and showing my partners I care for them despite not being able to hold them or physically show up in other ways right now.”


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Carolyn Yates was the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor for Autostraddle.com, with bylines in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, Xtra!, Jezebel, and elsewhere. They live in Los Angeles and also on twitter and instagram.

Carolyn has written 1110 articles for us.

2 Comments

  1. Yeah being poly last year was weird. My live-in partner ‘Y’ and I were both going on dates in January 2020 and meeting some real cuties. When the pandemic kicked off and my city went into lockdown, Y’s sweetheart ghosted, but my date ‘X’ and I doubled down and got really serious really quickly. So then I was dating two people who weren’t dating anyone else, Y was a bit heartbroken, and everyone was isolated in their houses. For about 3 months, the only humans X, Y, and I really talked to were each other. It was intense, and a really strange way for X and Y to start a metamour relationship.

    In the strictest stage of lockdown friends weren’t allowed to visit each other’s houses, but partners were. I would go between my house and X’s house. There were only four official reasons to be outside, so X and I would go on dates to the supermarket, or a local dog park. There were roadblocks on major roads trying to catch rule breakers. I would walk to X’s house and be afraid of being stopped by the cops and having to explain polyamory to them.

    Things in Australia have been back to normal for a few months now. X and Y are going on dates and seeing friends again so we’re not each other’s entire worlds any more. We’re all really really good at baking and online shopping now. And none of us got coronavirus, so it all turned out pretty ok in the end.

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