No Filter: Why Didn’t Anybody Tell Me Mallory Ortberg Had Instagram?!?!?

Welcome back to No Filter, your weekly foray into the glamorous world of celebrity Instagram, queered for your pleasure. This week, queer (or RUMORED QUEER) women dominated at least one area of tabloid journalism:

Looks like we’re finally getting our due in the mainstream media! WAY TO GO, TEAM!


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THEY HAVE SOUR CHERRIES AT BERKELEY BOWL YOU GUYS

A post shared by Daniel M. Lavery (@daniel_m_lavery) on

Friends, this was a glorious week because this is the week Laneia informed me that Mallory Ortberg not only had Instagram, she also got this very lesbian haircut?! It’s full of gems like this, and also this:

It’s just common sense.


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Happy Happy Happy Birthday @rebecca.victorious

A post shared by Laura Jane Grace (@laurajanegrace) on


SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAAAAYYY… Laura Jane Grace celebrated her girlfriend’s birthday at this cute-ass fountain in Dresden.


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I love this 🍑 @tayjschilling 💜

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Here’s Taylor Schilling and Danielle Brooks reuniting years after the end of their popular Netflix show Orange Is The New Black, which was sadly canceled after its excellent second season. Wonder what those kids are up to now!



You know who doesn’t update often enough with cute selfies? Ellen Page. Here she is talking about the weather, wow.


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❤️🎰 @phvegas 🎲❤️

A post shared by Stephanie Beatriz (@stephaniebeatriz) on


Here’s local superhero Stephanie Beatriz, excited to spend $13 on some potato skins.


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Photobooth was meant for two

A post shared by Brittani Nichols (@bishilarious) on


It was extraordinarily goodlooking human Brittani Nichols’ birthday yesterday, so here she is making the most out of this tiny photo booth with some unnamed accomplices. Does anybody know who these other people are?


This made a lot more sense after I finally watched American Gods but honestly, what a terrible thing to do to perfectly good cupcakes.


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Running for president in between chores

A post shared by Rhea Butcher (@rheabutcher) on


I trust I can rely on your vote.


Join us next week, when we join Rhea Butcher on the campaign trail.


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Stef Schwartz is a founding member and the self-appointed Vapid Fluff Editor at Autostraddle.com. She currently resides in New York City, where she spends her days writing songs nobody will ever hear and her nights telling much more successful musicians what to do. Follow her on twitter and/or instagram.

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33 Comments

  1. @meyrude I think those tabloids were trying to dedicate those braless blunders to you and just made a tiny spelling mistake

  2. I already had a crush on Mallory Ortberg’s brain and now I have to have a crush on her face too this is not acceptable

  3. Em

    I would campaign so hard for Rhea Butcher.

    Also, I don’t want to ruin your joke, but other than Gaby Dunn, who are the other people in the picture with Brittani Nichols?

    • carmen rios and jill gutowitz from the bossy show! you may know carmen rios as being carmen rios formerly of autostraddle dot com.

      • Em

        Ah, thanks! I was completely clueless.

        Now googling “The Bossy Show.”

    • wow, I didn’t know my crush on mallory could get any bigger, but it happened.

      • AGH commented on the wrong place, sorry? what I meant to comment here was that I’m not even american and I’d still vote for rhea!

  4. I have such an extreme crush on Mallory Ortberg that I actually feel slightly unwell.

  5. so glad Mallory is on Instagram. I’ve missed her humor ever since she went ghost on Twitter.

  6. wow, I didn’t know my crush on mallory could get any bigger, but it happened!

  7. I am thrilled by any and all Mallory Ortberg related content. She is truly the hero/celesbian crush we deserve.

  8. Wait, Gillian Anderson has an Instagram? Why did I not know this? I’ve had a crush on her since 1993.

  9. I feel like the Toast closing was us setting Mallory Ortberg free, and her Instagram is like Mallory Ortberg coming back, if only to visit. So grateful.

  10. Meg

    Yeah, the title of this post produced a serious run-don’t-walk situation. I’ve been listening to nothing but the Dear Prudence podcast for the last week. I second @donnamartingraduates‘ post. The more Mallory Ortberg in any given internet space, the better.

  11. STEF I MEANT TO TELL YOU ABOUT MALLORY’S INSTAGRAM BECAUSE WHEN I DISCOVERED IT EARLIER THIS WEEK I YELLED OUT LOUD AND SAID “HOLY SHIT SINCE WHEN DOES MALLORY ORTBERG HAVE INSTAGRAM?!” SORRY I FAILED YOU. THANK GODDESS YOU NOTICED ON YOUR OWN.

  12. thank you for enlightening me that Mallory Ortberg is a babe. I’m swooning.

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