Love Is A Lie: Angel Haze And Ireland Baldwin Break Up

Just a few short days, nay hours ago, I presented to you Angel Haze’s first sneak peek at the first track off her upcoming EP, In The Winter Of Wet Years (ed: that’s what she said). It was a gooey, heartfelt ode to her forever-snugglebunny, acclaimed tall person Ireland Baldwin. Those two have been absolutely gross all over the internet for the better part of a year, brandishing matching tattoos and proudly declaring their love to anybody who’d listen. They skipped hand-in-hand through Silverlake, enjoying delectable frozen desserts with their adorable rescue dog. They were even spotted wearing intriguing matching rings. It’s been really intense, and really precious.

Nothing is real.

Nothing is real.

Proving once and for all that there is no such thing as love, Angel Haze tweeted (and then promptly deleted) the following late Tuesday night:

angelnoooo

How does anyone react? Well, first of all:

darth

Hope you enjoy your Valentine’s Day, because happiness is fleeting and every single one of us is going to die alone.

OK, what do we do? Do we call her? Do we give her some space? Do we show up at her apartment with a box of tissues and a case of wine? One time after I got dumped, Geekery Editor Ali sent me an edible arrangement and it sorta helped…? Is it going to be weird if we’re still friends with Ireland? Is everything OK?

Ireland Baldwin’s personal online presence has all but disappeared in recent months; in fact the only way I’ve had any idea what she’s been up to has been through her girlfriend’s adoring iPhone lens. Her twitter has recently been reborn as an account that meticulously discusses acne medications in Japanese, and her Instagram appears to be gone.

The tweet’s deletion can mean several things:

1) They’re getting back together! Everything’s gonna be OK!
2) Angel decided that posting so publicly about her breakup was immature and unbecoming, as if there was any other way to behave on the internet.
3) Mercury is in retrograde and everything is fucked.
4) It isn’t real it wasn’t real nothing is real lalalalalala 

This morning, Haze tweeted the following:

tweet

Oh, muffin.

If you are reading this, darling, I highly recommend reading through the best breakup advice you’ll ever get. Beyond that, the only remedy for a broken heart that I’ve found that works involves pizza, the most recent Sharon van Etten record, Waiting to Exhale on DVD and several bottles of cheap red wine. If you wanna talk, I’m  here to listen.

Let Angela and Whitney guide you on this emotional journey.

Let Angela and Whitney guide you on this emotional journey.

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Stef

Stef Schwartz is a founding member and the self-appointed Vapid Fluff Editor at Autostraddle.com. She currently resides in New York City, where she spends her days writing songs nobody will ever hear and her nights telling much more successful musicians what to do. Follow her on twitter and/or instagram.

Stef has written 464 articles for us.

67 Comments

  1. Is it odd that this has brightened my day? If people that happy and loved up can suddenly become miserable then maybe I can switch from being miserable to being happy and loved up v quickly!! There is hope!

    • I used to play this to any and every person who would watch it. I don’t know how many people I’ve annoyed with this, but it’s one of my favorite things, so now so are you.

      • I have definitely had this memorized since high school and sometimes friends will call me when they are feeling bummed and ask me to recite this to them

        and sometimes I leave it as a voicemail for them when I am drunk

        I’m glad I’m not alone

  4. Darth Vader gif is all my feels right now. I was happy about her new song just a few hours ago, and now this happened. :(

  6. I am going to agree with number 4 nothing is real none of this is real I’m not gonna believe that it’s real what is reality real is a concept that doesn’t exist

  7. Noooo I am so sad for both of them.

    Plus sad people make me sad all the time now and it’s annoying and I’m going through a lot of kleenex!

  8. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    I was about to send that new song to my boo… but no I think it’s cursed.
    THIS IS THE WORST NEWS EVER.
    Also I will find and dropkick any writer who now says that Ireland was in a phase. DROP. KICK.

    Ugh. I was having such a good day too…

    • I already had people say that homophobic shit with a side of with racist bullshit about their break up on FB newsfeed. I’m confused because I vetted so many people to avoid this and now I’m filing my nails ready to goooooo.

      • IT IS ALL OK THEY ARE BACK TOGETHER. SEND AWAY.
        I plan on making that the background noise for Friday night sexy time, personally. Get on with your bad selfs, queermos. Love lives.

  13. I was just thinking about how their wedding would be the greatest celebrity wedding of all time AND NOW THIS HAPPENS!

    There is nothing good in this world and no one will ever be happy again.

  14. Actually, wait. Things might be OK again if one of the following happens:

    1. They get back together.
    2. One of them starts dating Evan Rachel Wood Bisexual.

  16. Honestly, this makes me feel a hella lot better about posting my feels all over my (anonymous) tumblr that my ex-girlfriend may or may not know about. If Angel motherfucking Haze cannot keep it inside, than damn it, that excuses the rest of us!

  17. Oh man, oh man. This is sad.
    Poor Angel´s twitter feed is bad. She´s just bleeding all over the internet :(

  21. Someone challenged me to stop using profanity after an expletive-filled rant about patriarchy in class yesterday so I’ll just say (word-that-rhymes-with muck) this (word-that-rhymes-with wool clit.)

  24. I’ve thought about this and come to the conclusion that Angel Haze needs a shoulder to cry on. Someone to hold her hand. To go buy her emergency chocolate.

    And if she’s reading this, she should message me, because I am 100% available to be that person. I’m just self-sacrificing like that.

    pleasepleaseplease?

  25. My heart dropped when I read the article title. This could just be a bump in the road, I WILL NOT BELIEVE, I REFUSE

  26. but then angel haze just posted something of them on Instagram with the caption: “nothing can keep me away from you

  27. Look at Angel/Raeen’s instagram! they got back together. that was fast. thank god. balance is restored in the universe.

  29. from angel’s tumblr:

    “i am undone.

    unravelled down to the very beginning of myself

    i am empty

    soddened with rage and sadness

    eyes locked on a love i aimed towards perpetuity

    and it has forsaken me

    my eyes don’t see what they should anymore

    i swallow my tears

    they’re flooding my lungs

    my head is in circles

    wrapped around your legs as they go

    ill never regret it

    ill never forget you

    no matter where your sun rises

    my love will always be with you”

    guess that’s pretty clear then. not back together.

  30. Oh damn. Angel´s last instagram post:
    *photo of her holding Ireland* “Nothing can keep my from you”.

    Oh dear. oh dear. oh dear. I hope she doesn´t go full Lost and Delirious (I am referring, of course, to trying to cut that lovely purple hair of hers in a fit of heartbreak).

  32. Oh man. Sadly, I saw this coming. Hopefully, Angel will bounce back. She has always been very open on social media even before she started dating Ireland so i’m not surprised that she is being so candid after the breakup. Ireland has been a bit more guarded lately.

  33. Ok wait I saw their instagram this morning and they said “Bed Peace ft. Bae (purple heart emojii) (monkey covering eyes emojii)” and it was unmistakably white blonde hair of the angel called Ireland so….
    ARE THEY OR AREN’T THEY I NEED TO KNOW. Plz investigate.

    Also, I would just like to let everyone know that my girlfriend and I volunteer to be your internim adorable couple. We’re going through a real lovey phase right now and it’s pretty gross/cute not gonna lie.

    • I’m worried that this is like a temporary thing, though? Like, when, sometimes you want to break up with someone but then it’s just REALLY HARD to commit to that decision? I hope that’s not what’s happening, but I have little faith.

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