Just a few short days, nay hours ago, I presented to you Angel Haze’s first sneak peek at the first track off her upcoming EP, In The Winter Of Wet Years (ed: that’s what she said). It was a gooey, heartfelt ode to her forever-snugglebunny, acclaimed tall person Ireland Baldwin. Those two have been absolutely gross all over the internet for the better part of a year, brandishing matching tattoos and proudly declaring their love to anybody who’d listen. They skipped hand-in-hand through Silverlake, enjoying delectable frozen desserts with their adorable rescue dog. They were even spotted wearing intriguing matching rings. It’s been really intense, and really precious.
Nothing is real.
Proving once and for all that there is no such thing as love, Angel Haze tweeted (and then promptly deleted) the following late Tuesday night:
How does anyone react? Well, first of all:
Hope you enjoy your Valentine’s Day, because happiness is fleeting and every single one of us is going to die alone.
OK, what do we do? Do we call her? Do we give her some space? Do we show up at her apartment with a box of tissues and a case of wine? One time after I got dumped, Geekery Editor Ali sent me an edible arrangement and it sorta helped…? Is it going to be weird if we’re still friends with Ireland? Is everything OK?
Ireland Baldwin’s personal online presence has all but disappeared in recent months; in fact the only way I’ve had any idea what she’s been up to has been through her girlfriend’s adoring iPhone lens. Her twitter has recently been reborn as an account that meticulously discusses acne medications in Japanese, and her Instagram appears to be gone.
The tweet’s deletion can mean several things:
1) They’re getting back together! Everything’s gonna be OK!
2) Angel decided that posting so publicly about her breakup was immature and unbecoming, as if there was any other way to behave on the internet.
3) Mercury is in retrograde and everything is fucked.
4) It isn’t real it wasn’t real nothing is real lalalalalala
This morning, Haze tweeted the following:
Oh, muffin.
If you are reading this, darling, I highly recommend reading through the best breakup advice you’ll ever get. Beyond that, the only remedy for a broken heart that I’ve found that works involves pizza, the most recent Sharon van Etten record, Waiting to Exhale on DVD and several bottles of cheap red wine. If you wanna talk, I’m here to listen.
Let Angela and Whitney guide you on this emotional journey.
Is it odd that this has brightened my day? If people that happy and loved up can suddenly become miserable then maybe I can switch from being miserable to being happy and loved up v quickly!! There is hope!
this is a very mature perspective on the matter
AND THEN IT’LL ALL GO TO HELL
Oh I like that.
http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com/
I used to play this to any and every person who would watch it. I don’t know how many people I’ve annoyed with this, but it’s one of my favorite things, so now so are you.
I have definitely had this memorized since high school and sometimes friends will call me when they are feeling bummed and ask me to recite this to them
and sometimes I leave it as a voicemail for them when I am drunk
I’m glad I’m not alone
I can’t believe i didn’t know this existed…
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Darth Vader gif is all my feels right now. I was happy about her new song just a few hours ago, and now this happened. :(
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I am going to agree with number 4 nothing is real none of this is real I’m not gonna believe that it’s real what is reality real is a concept that doesn’t exist
Noooo I am so sad for both of them.
Plus sad people make me sad all the time now and it’s annoying and I’m going through a lot of kleenex!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I was about to send that new song to my boo… but no I think it’s cursed.
THIS IS THE WORST NEWS EVER.
Also I will find and dropkick any writer who now says that Ireland was in a phase. DROP. KICK.
Ugh. I was having such a good day too…
I already had people say that homophobic shit with a side of with racist bullshit about their break up on FB newsfeed. I’m confused because I vetted so many people to avoid this and now I’m filing my nails ready to goooooo.
i DID send the song to my boo and now i’m scared :( :( :(
IT IS ALL OK THEY ARE BACK TOGETHER. SEND AWAY.
I plan on making that the background noise for Friday night sexy time, personally. Get on with your bad selfs, queermos. Love lives.
no this is sad make it stop
y’all according to her twitter Angel Haze didn’t get the puppy in the split. LOVE IS A LIE.
OH MY GOD
THIS IS THE WORST PART
I wasn’t mad before but now I am
WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN??????
This isn’t vapid fluff. This is real and fucking with my emotions!
THANK YOU. I read this and was like: “This is the news”.
Noooooooooooo
Love is a lie.
I was just thinking about how their wedding would be the greatest celebrity wedding of all time AND NOW THIS HAPPENS!
There is nothing good in this world and no one will ever be happy again.
Actually, wait. Things might be OK again if one of the following happens:
1. They get back together.
2. One of them starts dating Evan Rachel Wood Bisexual.
3. I start dating one of them. Or Evan Rachel Wood Bisexual.
Can we toss a coin here?
Nooooooooooo
Honestly, this makes me feel a hella lot better about posting my feels all over my (anonymous) tumblr that my ex-girlfriend may or may not know about. If Angel motherfucking Haze cannot keep it inside, than damn it, that excuses the rest of us!
Oh man, oh man. This is sad.
Poor Angel´s twitter feed is bad. She´s just bleeding all over the internet :(
:(((
Autostraddle Intervention needed. ASAP.
I think playing any Sharon Van Etten album would be appropriate.
Noooooooo I was just listening to Candlxs having glowy, lovey feelings. :(
noooooooooo
Someone challenged me to stop using profanity after an expletive-filled rant about patriarchy in class yesterday so I’ll just say (word-that-rhymes-with muck) this (word-that-rhymes-with wool clit.)
also if anyone knows how to knit I would totally buy a wool clit
attached to an infinity scarf perhaps?
statement piece!
Tadahhhhh
https://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/184765472/i-love-my-vulva-project?ref=sr_gallery_1&ga_search_query=knited+vagina&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery
oh word that rhymes with clam!
(wait does ‘damn’ count as an expletive?)
I dealt with this so badly my flatmate just handed me the bowl of cookie dough she was baking.
“can we dance forever?”
well now i have to drink some wine about this
correct response.
I’ve thought about this and come to the conclusion that Angel Haze needs a shoulder to cry on. Someone to hold her hand. To go buy her emergency chocolate.
And if she’s reading this, she should message me, because I am 100% available to be that person. I’m just self-sacrificing like that.
pleasepleaseplease?
My heart dropped when I read the article title. This could just be a bump in the road, I WILL NOT BELIEVE, I REFUSE
but then angel haze just posted something of them on Instagram with the caption: “nothing can keep me away from you
Yes! I just saw this come up on me feed!
Back together?
Pleeeeeease…?
I just saw that too but then after she tweeted saying her heart hurt??
This is a telenovela. I´ve never checked someone´s social media so much in my life.
http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/2014-08/1/0/enhanced/webdr10/anigif_enhanced-4389-1406865860-17.gif
Look at Angel/Raeen’s instagram! they got back together. that was fast. thank god. balance is restored in the universe.
I don’t know if it’s for real??
http://instagram.com/p/ytONTirmiT/
http://instagram.com/p/ytI6QRki0n/?modal=true
oh god maybe not…
ill never regret it
ill never forget u
no matter where u go next
my love will always be with u.
on Angel’s twitter. Who knows anymore lol!
i feel that gif
from angel’s tumblr:
“i am undone.
unravelled down to the very beginning of myself
i am empty
soddened with rage and sadness
eyes locked on a love i aimed towards perpetuity
and it has forsaken me
my eyes don’t see what they should anymore
i swallow my tears
they’re flooding my lungs
my head is in circles
wrapped around your legs as they go
ill never regret it
ill never forget you
no matter where your sun rises
my love will always be with you”
guess that’s pretty clear then. not back together.
Oh damn. Angel´s last instagram post:
*photo of her holding Ireland* “Nothing can keep my from you”.
Oh dear. oh dear. oh dear. I hope she doesn´t go full Lost and Delirious (I am referring, of course, to trying to cut that lovely purple hair of hers in a fit of heartbreak).
Angel Haze uses they/them pronouns.
Oh man. Sadly, I saw this coming. Hopefully, Angel will bounce back. She has always been very open on social media even before she started dating Ireland so i’m not surprised that she is being so candid after the breakup. Ireland has been a bit more guarded lately.
Ok wait I saw their instagram this morning and they said “Bed Peace ft. Bae (purple heart emojii) (monkey covering eyes emojii)” and it was unmistakably white blonde hair of the angel called Ireland so….
ARE THEY OR AREN’T THEY I NEED TO KNOW. Plz investigate.
Also, I would just like to let everyone know that my girlfriend and I volunteer to be your internim adorable couple. We’re going through a real lovey phase right now and it’s pretty gross/cute not gonna lie.
I THINK IT’S REAL??! I THINK THEY’RE BACK!???
I’m worried that this is like a temporary thing, though? Like, when, sometimes you want to break up with someone but then it’s just REALLY HARD to commit to that decision? I hope that’s not what’s happening, but I have little faith.
THEY ARE BACK TOEGETHER AND TALKING ABOUT VALENTINE’S DAY. WE CAN BREATHE.
Lol good! I am unashamed to admit that I’m way too invested in their relationship.
Fake lesbians are annoying.