Listling Without Commentary: Statements (NOT QUESTIONS) Left for Riese and Laneia on Formspring (Part #3)

Sometimes people don’t want to “ask anything,” they want to say anything. We have formspring on our tumblr. This is part three. This is part two. This is part one.

1. I came downstairs this morning to find my brother trying to evangelize to our cat.

2. I think you look like Saoirse Ronan.

3. You look a lot like Kate Hudson’s son Ryder. I mean seriously it’s adorable.

4. I just want someone to dedicate James Blake songs to.

5. One of my students looks exactly like Brandy Howard. I assume they are siblings or cousins.

6. I had to write about the Italian autostrada and spelled it as Autostraddle by accident. Three times.

7. I want to “do me.” Mostly though, I want someone else to do me.

8. I want to chop off all my hair so bad but I’m so scared.

9. I’m watching Celebrity Apprentice with my mom and I keep getting turned on when I see Marlee Matlin because I want Bette to come in and fingerblast her. I don’t even like Jodi.

10. Sometimes I wish I could swim inside of Autostraddle.

11. When you say “the deepest pits of homosexual hell,” you just make it sound sexy.

12. I love it when really femme lesbos that look “bottoms” are very accomplished closeted tops.


14. Hai means shark in Norwegian.

15. Pronounce boi for me then pronounce Moennig, please I go to say these words and realise I don’t know what I’m doing.

16. Reach for the femmes reach for nice hems reach for the stem of the rose it’s a gem.

17. Today I was woken up @ 11:30 by 4 of my city’s finest fireman knocking on my door. IT WAS LIKE A DREAM COME TRUE anyways, they escorted me out of the building THEY WERE ALL SO HOT. There was a big fire in the basement, but we’re all safe.

18. No one expects the Spanish Inquisition. Or long nails inside their vag.

19. Roses are red, Violets are blue, I think I have Alzheimer’s, cheese on toast.

20. I read “Big, black amazon button on the Autostraddle” as “Big, black amazon butthole on Autostraddle.”

21. I’m in love when Tegan Quin does that quotation thing with her hands, anddd I want mint chocolate chip ice cream.

22. I’m high now and these pants are UNBEARABLE.


24. I wish autostraddle was a place or that we could come home n literally go into the computer n live in the autostraddle website it would be like a big apartment n we would all hang out but then I feel like it would turn into a big orgy n have to many cats!

25. As I get gayer and gayer, I like cats more and more.

26. Capslock is sexy it should be used at all times G T F O it.

27. A day without Autostraddle is like a day without sex.

28. So drunk. So drunk my ipod won’t stop repeating “Perfect Sonnet” Bright Eyes.

29. I just stopped liking you as a person.

30. I think everyone is scared and they’re taking it out on everyone. But the way right-wingers take out their fear is scary. Everyone gets more scared and causes more fear and on and on.

31. Cara from The Coffee Bean is very attractive; therefore you should keep in contact with her.

32. Your glasses are really cute.

33. I want to give you my seed. Please give tips.

To leave your own statements (or, you know, questions) for an Autostraddle team member, go here:

+ Riese

+ Laneia

+ Crystal

+ Alex

+ Taylor

+ Jess

+ Rachel

‘listicle without commentary’ concept inspired by / stolen from the awl

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!


lnj has written 310 articles for us.


  1. Now I want mint chocolate chip ice cream. But not the green kind because it’s all full of dyes and shit. The white kind, and really it doesn’t even need chocolate chips in it. It could just be mint ice cream. White mint ice cream. Fuck my roommates and their constant filling of the freezer. I haven’t had ice cream in months because it doesn’t fit in there with the five billion different 24-packs of waffles. Laneia, can you come feed me ice cream?

    • Mind fuckkkkk! I didn’t know there was such a thing as white mint chocolate chip. My mind needs a smoke now…

    • I want mint chocolate chip icecream so much right now. But it’s a 40 minute drive to the nearest store. 40 minutes each way! FML.

  2. 7. I want to “do me.” Mostly though, I want someone else to do me.

    There is nothing wrong with you doing you.

    • You do you, you do me, I do myself, we do each other… This is starting to sound like the lesbian orgy apartment complex festival pride parade with cats mentioned in number 24. Orrr a grammar lesson.

      • slight suggestion to someone who teaches english for beginners… I think grammar lessons just started to get more interesting for, uh, everyone..

    • of course there isn’t, right now I have a nice pile of stickers affirming same.
      It finally stopped raining, time to go put these up in random places.

  3. 28. So drunk. So drunk my ipod won’t stop repeating “Perfect Sonnet” Bright Eyes.


  4. hi, i’ve been a reader of this magical piece of internet called autostraddle since forever and this is going to be my first comment because i feel it’s really important:

    4. i just want someone to dedicate james blake songs to ME.

    that’s all.

    for some reason writing this comment almost feels like a real life encounter with people and it`s making me very nervous right now… it’s like i’ve reached a new low of social awkwardness. (pleasetalktome?)

    • HI HI.

      I don’t know who James Blake is but I feel like I should find out since his music seems so important to make you comment about it.

      And is this not a real life encounter with people? Not to make you nervous or anything, but we’re real life people. : )

        • the entire time before you linked a vid i was thinking it said james blunt and i was like, oh honey

          • i initially thought they were talking about the american tennis player and was fairly confused but then figured it was probably just the norm for listling.

  5. “No one expects the Spanish Inquisition. Or long nails inside their vag.”

    Guuuuuh. CRINGING SO HARD.

  6. ive had a horable day in other than when at school i think ive cryed all day till i read all every one has to say and sat and laughed while i was reading :) thank you all thank you autostraddle thank you thnak you thank you i feel a little better now

  7. #10: Autostraddle is like the Tardis, it’s bigger on the inside and has a swimming pool (and a library).

  8. Number 4 is so sad though,,,,James Blake is so, sigh. Number 4 is making me sigh ok.

  9. I think I love these formspring statement listicles even better than open formspring question-answering posts. People are amazing. Especially autostraddle people.

  10. goddamnit every time i read the one about pants I start thinking about my pants and they become unbearable as well…

Comments are closed.