It’s Your Big Chance To Win An A+ Membership



It’s been a few weeks since we launched Autostraddle Plus, a program that enables our readers to support our ongoing existence in exchange for some fun perks. We’ve published two issues of The Autostraddle Insider, chock full of the witty, weird shit we say in our Skype chats and office reply-all; three issues of the A+ Bee, which is all about you, you, YOU and inspired by the daily newspaper Chelsey and Grace made at camp; Crystal’s heart-breaking-and-filling essay about The Cheesecake Factory, Laneia’s brilliant photoessay about going home, Rachel’s heart-warming confessions of a liar, a couple of thought-provoking and journalism-prize-worthy Interviews with An Ex and two erotic editions of The Kind of Sex We’re Talking About Today.

As promised, we want those who can’t monetarily support us through Autostraddle Plus at the moment to have the opportunity to join us for the best pizza party on the internet! So, we’re doing a contest a lot like the one we did last December. This won’t be our last A+ Membership Contest, but as you can see, it is indeed our first.

Here’s how you enter:

  • If you haven’t already, register for an account on Autostraddle.
  • Comment on this post — THIS ONE RIGHT HERE — and tell us what in school or life or work you would give yourself an A+ inbefore September 15th. This serves as your declaration of intent to enter the contest.
  • Then… keep on commenting! Comment at least a few more times before the end of the month.
  • Interns Grace and Chelsey will then compile a list of everybody who entered themselves here, check comment logs to make sure you’ve stuck around with your thoughts and feelings, and toss all those names into a magical hat.
  • On October 7th, the winners will be announced, most likely in video form, plucked out of a vessel by somebody undoubtedly adorable.

What Can You Win?

We’re giving away at least one bronze subscription and one silver subscription.

One Yearly Bronze Subscription to Autostraddle Plus

That means you get:

  • one nifty A+ Member Sticker
  • a cute, little gold circle around your display name in our comments
  • to read our awesome monthly A+ Bee community newspaper
  • to know all the inner-workings of this very website through the monthly behind-the-scenes Autostraddle Insider
  • to laugh and cry at the “Interview with an Ex-Girlfriend” series
  • to enjoy the special members-only layout
  • exclusive A+ only discounts from super cool businesses like us

One Yearly Silver Subscription to Autostraddle Plus

That means you get all of the above PLUS

  • Access to all our premium content, including personal essays, the upcoming podcast, the sex we’re talking about today and who knows what else!

But Wait…That’s Not All!

Right now we’ve got 536 A+ members, and our goal is to hit 1,000 by the end of the year. So, for every six new members we sign up, we’ll be giving away another Bronze Membership. If we reach 600 we’ll start giving away Silver Memberships for every six new sign-ups! This will continue until the end of the month. So, if you can afford it and you wanna help people who can’t get a membership, there’s no better time than now to do so!

Bookmark this post and check back to see how many memberships we’ve gotten!

9/18/2014: We’re up to 552 members! So that means we’re giving away two additional memberships and are well on our way to a third!

9/30/2014: 563 members! That’s 27 new members since we posted this, which makes for four more memberships being given away — and fifth if we get another two members by the end of the day.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!


Yvonne S. Marquez is a lesbian journalist and former Autostraddle senior editor living in Dallas, TX. She writes about social justice, politics, activism and other things dear to her queer Latina heart. Yvonne was born and raised in the Rio Grande Valley. Follow her on Instagram or Twitter. Read more of her work at

Yvonne has written 205 articles for us.


  1. Hi, everyone! I’m Rhys, and I’d give myself an A+ in note-taking, and also simultaniously in tardiness. I have complicated class relations.

  2. This is an outstanding way to run a membership giveaway – by promoting Autostraddle community involvement!

    So, um, let’s see. I’d like to think I’d get an A+ in self-discovery through journaling. I derive some lovely inspiration from Autostraddle’s own Dear Queer Diary articles, but I also use journaling as a way to process all the feels. This is going to sound cheesy, but I really have come to know myself better through writing my thoughts and reading them later. See? Totally A+ worthy.

    As much as I’d like to make better use of my moleskine books and fancy ergonomic pen, I do most of my journaling digitally on my phone. There’s nothing quite like having an immediate outlet for inspiration or moments of clarity!

    • In complete agreement with praise for the Autostraddle team and journaling. I was initially really worried about the A+ program, but they responded to our concerns about the addition to the icons being too tacky, and distinguish the A+ posts on the main page so we know without clicking through that they’re exclusive content, so shout out to them for what a wonderful way they’ve developed to keep Autostraddle running.
      Being reminded to journal more often has been so helpful, as it lets me ground myself and remember that my emotions are not worthless.

  3. A+ to me for working out three whole times this week, and a “most improved” for minimal falling down on my roller skates yesterday.

    • That is super impressive! Fitting exercise into a schedule is so hard. And roller skating is hard. So basically, go you.

  4. Woohoo! I’d deserve an A+ for giving myself so many mini-crises throughout a given year. I hope you know the kind: mini self-discovery journeys, I-don’t-want-to-speak-to-anybody-for-a-month stages, “This book is now my life. You are not this book so you are not welcome.” moments (mostly after reading Murakami), “I’m obsessed with THIS person and nothing else” bursts. As I get older I’ve realized how good I am at this. Oh, the classics are still there: Who am I? What can I do to take myself out of this shallow environment? Yup.

  5. I’m Sara and I give myself an A+ in developing friendships with all the fictional characters on my favorite teevee shows. Also A+ for growing a lions mane without even meaning to.

    2 A+ grades because I mean business about entering this contest!!!!!!!
    Plaid suit salute. xox

  6. I have all the feels for one hella sexy blonde lady who smirked at my fast talking monologue during an interview exactly a year ago. She has since become my boss.I deserve an A+ for managing to not to melt into a puddle of need every time I hear her husky voice, see her fine delicate hands or the snarky grin on her face or the quick humour in her eyes. But then of course the day dreams will get a whole different rating, you know what I mean…

  7. Hey all, I’m Laura and would probably give myself an A+ in being able to find time to spend hours on the internet despite having more important things to do. Though sometimes those two are one in the same.

  8. this week wasn’t that good, but I’m gonna give myself an A+ on running fast enough to not lose my flight. I mean, I was the last one on the plane with the gate person complaining they should have closed it 3 minutes ago :) Now lets see if I can give myself another A+ on commenting on posts!

  9. I’m a really hard marker on both my students and myself so I don’t give any A+ lightly. I would go with I make A+ quality cups of tea and pride myself on remembering how everyone at work takes said beverage.

  10. Hey Autostraddle peeps! I’m Morgan, and I’m giving myself an A+ in getting-involved-with-shtuff-instead-of-watching-Netflix-my-whole-life, most specifically for joining the tech crew (assistant sound designer and sound board operator woot woot) and the ultimate frisbee team – both of which I recommend.

    • Ultimate frisbee is great, if my school had a team I would consider doing sports. I was introduced to it this summer, and even though I was wearing everyday shoes and the ground was soaking wet, it was some of the most fun I’ve ever had athletically, and I made several friends. Ultimate frisbee players seem to be generally really nice people, so that’s a great testimony to your character.

      • Thank you! I’ve definitely found that to be true as well – everyone on the team is so great, and that just makes it even more fun to be there. You should start your own team!

  11. I’ve gotta give myself an A+ for finally getting involved in my LGBTQ+ group on campus. As of yesterday, I’m officially the co-coordinator of my university’s Jewish LGBTQ+ alliance!

    Oh yeah, and I’m learning how to farm. I’m happy about that too.

  12. Great idea! Is there any way to become an a-plus member if you don’t have an adress? (this might just be me not thinking, but I can’t figure out how)

    • yes! we just take your address to send you an A+ sticker, so you could just not get a sticker, or we could send it to the address of a friend or family member who could pass it on to you.

  13. I’m Rachelle, and I give myself an A+ for my work— I’m a freelance web developer, and I have a lot of happy customers right now. Are there any other lesbians who code out there? I think we’re like unicorns. ;)

  14. Ooo fun! I’d give myself an A+ for six months dedicated to getting my shit together and living a healthier, happier life: I came out to my mom and most of my family (the ones that matter) after 15 years agonizing over who I was; I came out of my shell and started dating for the first time in forever and have met some pretty awesome ladies; I started therapy to manage my depression and stress and begin feeling comfortable in my own skin; I looked in the mirror and for the first time thought I was beautiful just as I am; I started a health and fitness plan to combat some issues I’ve been having, and I feel great and it’s been a huge success; I’ve decided I’m worthy of pursuing my dreams and am applying for jobs more closely related to my career goals.

    A friend told me on my birthday that 27 would be a great year for me. So far she’s right :).

  15. I’m Erin, and I’d give myself an A+ for finally landing a stable (ish) job and being able to move out this fall! :)

  16. There’s a problem with the A+ service you guys should know about. My card expired and so a monthly $6 billing failed and I got an Email saying I needed to update the info. But since it failed I couldn’t access my A+ account page to update anything. I ended up subscribing again just to get that page available so I could fix my original subscription, I don’t want new freebies so I cancelled the new subscription but I guess that money is gone. So the point is, the A+ account page needs to be available whether your subscription is active or not.

  17. I’m going to give myself an A+ for having the determination (or foolishness) to be finishing my Masters dissertation, starting a teaching course and raising a wonderful 4 year old all at once.

  18. I get all of the A+’s for being friends with my exes. Hey, there, you’re all really super great!!

  19. This is such a great idea! It’s so positive, and really asks people to think about what it is that they’re good at. :)

    I think I’m great at lots of things (thanks, Ma, for making me a narcissist). But the only thing I get an A+ at that would make me sad if I didn’t have it tomorrow, is my awesome ability to be there for other people, my compassion, and constant support for everyone I meet, and especially those I would take a bullet for… and I do my best to show them every day.

  20. I’d give myself an A+ for healing, remembering that it’s a constant process not a destination (“The poison leaves bit by bit not all at once. Be patient. You are healing.” Yasmin Mogahed), and trying to help others heal too. I’m giving myself an A+ because I’m finally in a good enough place to help the people I love, and things don’t hurt so heavy anymore. And also I’m giving myself an A+ for talking about the important things instead of hoping if I ignore them hard enough, they’ll disappear (spoiler alert: they won’t. “when you hide things you choke on them” cb, and im not choking anymore).

  21. Happy Friday, friends!
    I give myself an A+ in bullshitting tests and queering my outfits. Also procrastination.

  22. (trigger warning: self-harm)

    i give myself an a+ in healing, growing up, and moving forward. i’m in the process of cleaning out my room at my parents house, which is huge for me because i’ve tried to move out several times and ended up back here due to mental health problems repeatedly. but i’m giving away and throwing out so much junk i felt so tied to before, including two boxes of razor blades that i tossed without so much as a second look. and i am a responsible pet parent now, and i’m finally going back to full time college, and i genuinely think i can succeed there now. so a+ to me for healing growth.

    • Coming back, all I want to say is that all of you who wrote about getting past mental health barriers – these are my favourite stories. You all are so strong for fighting an evil that is so close to you that it lives in your mind! Y’ALL ARE FUCKING ROCKSTARS.

      However, if any of you haven’t been able to go back to school/work/leave home/whatever because of your mental health, know that that does not make you weak, and it’s not bad, and I still love you all. You don’t need to feel weird about it, you’re still cool. (But you can feel however you do, and that’s fine too)

  23. I give myself an A+ for getting my act together and learning how to cook something that doesn’t come straight out of a box and for being the lady that always moves and builds every single damn piece of furniture in both my own place and my mother’s.
    Also, my eyebrow game is on point. So, yeah.

    • Yeah, self-suffiency! What’s your favorite thing to cook not from a box? I like to make tacos, because they’re versatile and last for days.

  24. Ah, what a cool thing to do. I give myself an A+ for finally getting a job (!!) and making progress towards my independence. Also, for losing things: I am the Queen of Losing Things.

  25. I think I get an A+ in trying new things/taking risks. In the past year I’ve made my sexual debut, had sex with both a lady and a guy, held my first job, gotten drunk for the first time, taken swimming lessons (which terrifies me), and come out to my parents. It’s been an interesting year. And I’ve made plans with this really cute girl to go hiking and have a picnic on the mountain! I don’t think it’s a date, but the fact that I’ve actually made one-on-one plans with someone I’m attracted to is a big deal!

  26. I’m giving myself an A+ for going to the doctor when I needed to and for meeting up with my uni supervisor. Because that was bloody hard, man.
    Also, sunburn in September in Wales. That’s pretty impressive too.

  27. Hey all. :) I’d give myself an A+ for finally managing to get out of an emotionally controlling relationship. I’d give myself another one for self realizations about my religion this year and for still being alive. I’m pretty damn proud of that.

  28. Ooh this is so exciting!

    I’d give myself an A+ in overcoming my mental barriers. Especially in sports! I am usually held held back by barriers I create out of fear of loosing and not being good enough (whatever that means) and I have finally learned how to overcome them. I can accept defeat and help it encourage me to work harder. I have put more work into being the best I can be during mountain biking than I’ve put into most things. I do as well as I do because I have the mental strength to push past physical barriers. I think this has carried over into other aspects of my life and I am much more capable of overcoming my challenges.

    I also would give myself an A+ in being outgoing and making friends which is so scary! I made two friends! It’s absolute madness. And an A+ in being a better friend to myself and building healthy relationships with those around me.

    Can I give myself an A+ in my classes because that’s something that doesn’t actually ever happen? A+ for effort on most days.

  29. Hey peeps, I’m Mikki and I give myself an A+ for passing my exam retake and making it to second year of university which is kind of a big ass deal for me considering I had a mental health crisis during my first attempt at university and put myself in hospital before I could do my exams. So yay me! I’m also slowly realising I’m kind of a okay person and learning to love myself. Slowly. And I’m going to get back into roller derby this year and I’ve found my circle of lovely QTIPOC people and it’s amazing. And I also really want an A+ membership because eeee.

  30. Heyy, I would probably have to give myself an A+ on procrastinating, bc I can truly rock that. Need to shower? Move to a new state in JUNE and need to gain residency? Need to get off the internet? I can put that shit on hold indefinitelyyyy

  31. Hi I’m Juliet and I give myself an A+ for finally being honest with a girl about my feelings for her instead of beating around the bush. I also give myself an A+ for dragging myself out of bed with a temperature of 103(Fahrenheit) to totally nail a dance audition, and for finishing the first season of The L Word in two days while I was sick.

  32. I’ve been waiting all of forever for sharing my A+’s.
    I’m a photographer for families and babies so my A+ would be making even the most difficult children smile/laugh and my other A+ would be making parents feel very uncomfortable with my baby voice. (you know, the voice that makes the kiddos smile, well, i’m not afraid to go all out with mine.)

  33. I would get an A+ in being an angry bad trans and illegal gender magic without even studying and even after showing up to the final hungover.

    And I’d get an A+ in hacking the planet.

    So I totally deserve that sweet sweet Autostraddle membership.

  34. I’d give my self an A+ at not knowing how to balance school, debate, and sleep with Tumblr and reading. With a plain A in procrastination.

  35. I’d give myself an A+ in consulting and researching on products friends want to get, especially makeup haha

  36. I give myself an A+ for working in a very stressful work environment and being able to manage very difficult situations all day everyday with dignity and self-respect….
    It doesn’t hurt either I have a hot/sexy/ brilliant superhero in my corner :-)

  37. I give myself an A+ in creating of unique, compelling female characters that are actually fully rounded. And then proceeding to make them date each other.

  38. I think I deserve an A+ in “weaving statistics, studies or theories from essays or books I have recently read into casual conversation.”

    I know it seems like I’m extroverted bc I’m talking your ear off, but if you listen closely, I’m only referencing things that I gleaned while hiding under the covers reading alone.

  39. I would totally give myself an A+ in remembering random information that sorta/kinda is useful but not really. I work in a grooming salon and we frequently have to call vet offices to make sure our clients have current vaccinations. Somehow I have memorized 15+ vet phone numbers. I wish I could be better at math or something…those are the important kind of numbers (especially because we have a piece of paper with the phone numbers anyway; my co-workers ask me now instead of pulling the paper out).


  40. I’d give myself an A+ for adulting. I’ve been dealing with these health problems like a real grown-up, even when that’s recently meant a doctor’s appointment every week for a month.

  41. Hi everyone! I give myself an A+ for managing to make delicious, scrumptious waffles on my text book covered school desk with minimal oil burns and no fires :D Also, an A+ for keeping a plant alive (a plant that requires more than just the biweekly watering like my teeny cacti). His name’s Henry…he’s doing swimmingly. And…an A+ for going back to college and getting through the first three weeks.

  42. I’m Gigi, and while I’m usually pretty hard on myself I think I deserve an A+ today for deciding to finally get a great alternative lifestyle haircut.

  43. Since it is Autostraddle, the subject should concern people.

    I deserve an A+ for educating so many people on feminisms and women’s rights.

  44. A+ for complimenting people. It took a while, but I’ve gotten to the point were I can politely point out the positive things I think about people (and I’ve surrounded myself with kind, witty, and fashion-conscious beautiful people, so there’s a lot to compliment them on).
    B- in addressing my own privilege and opening conversations on systematic oppression that doesn’t hurt me. Autostraddle has brought my grade up so much in this category, and continues to do so. The queer feminist community I’ve found here has made me a better person, and comfortable with myself for the first time since early childhood.

  45. I would give myself an A+ in finding myself, coming out and opening myself to the amazing network of love, compassion and support. This has helped me transcend both physical and emotional fronteras.

  46. I’m about to jet off to England for a year abroad at Oxford University, so I give myself an A+ for recognizing and pursuing what I love (and hopefully an A+ for lots of A+s this year).

  47. I’m giving myself an A+ in Doing Stuff I Need To Do But Don’t Want To. I am really proud of myself for getting into action and doing things I don’t *feel* like doing because they won’t instantly gratify me. I guess that means I would give myself an A+ in Keepin On Keepin On.

  48. I give myself an A+ for finally getting my driver’s license in my 20s, right before my second permit expired, even though driving terrifies me and every driving lesson was followed by wild uncontrollable animal sobbing while hiding in the bathroom.

    • That’s awesome! I’m 20 and still driver licenseless and driving also terrifies me and I haven’t gotten to the point of getting over that hurdle, so YOU GO GLEN COCO!!

  49. I give myself an A+ for finally feeling comfortable in my skin. It took a whole lot of soul-searching and a long time learning to love myself. I don’t need validation from other people in order to love me.

  50. I give myself an A+ in social awkwardness! No one can touch me in this! When I do bring myself to leave the house, I can’t even make small talk with cashiers at the grocery. I’m so awkward, I actually confused the clerks at my local comic book shop, which I think just about says it all for my accomplishments.

  51. A+ for me from me just because I’ve been genuinely happy at work — I’m so grateful for having found a great workplace where the people are nice, I work the day shift and off on the weekends (aka normal life), TimTams are abundant, and on Fridays we get to have free beers before the shift ends.

  52. Hello, I’m Sarah, and I want to cheat a little and give myself two A+’s: one for claiming (and continuing to claim) a fat queer identity this year, and one for biking to school every day since it started this fall. <3 for making the giveaway available.

  53. I just wanted to come back here and say that instead of being nonplussed about this competition, and my odds at winning, I am just the opposite. I am A-nonplussed, or shall we say A-plussed (because it conveniently fulfills my goal to be clever ish) about it. AND That neologism/neolexia my friends is a sara word for: I like contests that make the members of the community I float around in on the internets say nice things about themselves. Look at you, editorial team. Making everyone win with compliments!!!

  54. Hey, y’all! I’m Jane, and I give myself an A+ for nerding out hard over beer. Because everyone loves the person at the party trying to figure out what hops were used to make the bottle of beer you just handed them. Any homebrewers out there?

    • I relate to the term ‘cat-mom’ so much as evidenced by my two hour conversation I had with my friend yesterday about my friend’s new cat. What’s your cat’s name?

  55. As I mentioned in the open thread, I was very sick in high school, and the peak of my illness coincided with fall (the season). So I give myself an A+ in living life to the fullest, taking risks, being brave, and being alive.

  56. Hey y’all! I’m Allie, and I give myself an A+ in snuggling my little dog’s face. She will write me an excellent reference if needed; A+ pass mark in snuggle.

    This is such an awesome contest! Thanks Autostraddle!

  57. I’d give myself an A+ in my unswerving commitment to hanging about in my pyjamas reading autostraddle all morning, when I should be getting ready to go out. And then ending up dashing about like a lunatic with only 5 mins to get ready.
    Every time. I never learn.

    • This is so accurate, it hurts. I feel like this has to describe half the people on this site; we probably need some sort of support group.

  58. Hi Straddlers! In life I think I’d get an A+ for my ability to create a Xena costume out of almost nothing/anything. I did it yesterday in half an hour after work – friends didn’t recognise me, I won the best dressed prize, and most people thought my garbage bag dress was from a costume store.

    The key to this talent lies in creativity and always having a Xena-esque belt and wig on hand. I am so dedicated I backpacked for two years with these essentials, just in case. I’d probably come close to an A+ for my lurker skills, but obvs that’s all about to change…

  59. Hmm, let me see…I give myself an A+ for having the initials AS, for keeping up a 4.0 GPA and being a double major, for making the leap to move overseas and continuing to believe in my future and the goodness of people in spite of the rotten apples out there. And for the quality of my advice and finally finding the courage to date a girl.

  60. Hey all! I’m Alex and I get an A+ in slowly getting my friends to see the patriarchy.

    I’m always yakking about the patriarchy and social justice and whatnot and my white/cis/gay/male friend is often annoyed by this and we have regular arguments about privilege and such.


    He texted me out at the club last week (he was there with a straight/female
    friend) telling me that this hot guy he had been flirting with all night and was dancing by him and girl. Girl was dancing with both of them (like you do) and at one point Hot Guy leaned over and said to my friend “Do you mind if I borrow her for a while?” meaning to be all cute and whatever and my friend was like SHE IS A PERSON NOT MY PROPERTY SHE CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK SHE WANTS WHY ARE YOU ASKING MY PERMISSION YOU SHOULD BE ASKING HER PERMISSION!

    And I did a happy dance. Because clearly I have gotten into his head.

    So I get an A+ for that.

  61. How about an A+ in letter writing? That’s right, motherflippin handwritten correspondence with my friends. Facebook comments come and go but letters written on your mother’s 1980 unicorn stationary are forever.

    Bonus, it makes you feel like Kiera Knightley in any movie of your choosing.

  62. I would get an A+ in wrapping presents and cutting paper snowflakes. Basically I’m bomb at Christmas. Only a few more months!

  63. I would give myself an A+ in dealing with annoying customers with a smile on my face, however plastered on it may be. I work in a coffee shop and people are extra-grumpy without coffee, so I get to deal with that, but a job is a job and I do it well. Actually, I think I’m just going to give myself an A+ in life, because I am really just rocking it right now.

  64. Hello, my name is Sacha Haughtee.

    My A+ for myself is for actually writing a book. Let me explain:

    I am a new author and yes, I REALLY was a bikini-model, then a nude model, then a stripper, and then an Escort, all in Orange County California. Somewhere along the way, I discovered that I like girls. That story is part of my first book (with my co-author Max Spacer, who CAN type).

    Here’s an excerpt:
    Tina points to one of the models and looks up at me.
    “What do you like about this girl?”
    “I like her long slender thighs, her narrow hips and her tight tummy.”
    “Oooo, I think she’s hot too. Look at those abs, I bet she’s a gymnast or a dancer. She’s in great shape. Oh! Look at this girl, she has a pointy little butt.”
    I tell myself, “This is just like talking to another guy about hot girls.” Tina rubs her pussy with one hand while she points out hot girls with the other. Wow, Tina likes girls too! The thought of Tina with another hot girl makes me unbearably horny.
    I see a hot lesbian scene in the magazine. Without thinking, I say aloud, “I’d like to have sex with that girl.” I silently wonder, “How come I can share my secret lesbian fantasy with this stranger, but I can’t imagine revealing it to anyone else?”
    John catches me staring at the lesbian scene a little too long. I feel it’s safe to tell him about my secret curiosity because he’s just a client to me. His opinion of me is not important like a boyfriend’s is.
    “Do you like girls?”
    “I don’t know. I’ve never been with one.”
    “Do you want to try it?”
    “Yes, I do. I have wanted to for a long time, but I don’t know how to set it up. Where would I even find a girl that I can ask?”
    Tina looks agitated.
    “I can’t just ask one of my girlfriends, ‘Hey do you want to experiment with lesbian sex?’”
    Tina stares me in the eye for emphasis.
    “You know what I mean?”
    Tina laments as she rambles.
    “Suppose I do ask a girlfriend to play with me, and she wants to. What if we have great sex… THEN WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN?”
    Tina’s eyes fill with despair.
    “What will our relationship be like afterward? Can we still go shopping together? Can we still talk about cute guys together? Will she think we’re a couple?”
    Tina’s eyes widen with terror.
    “What if she wants to come out of the closet? Can you imagine that? Or what if she freaks out when I ask her and she thinks I’m a total pervert? What if she ostracizes me and tells all my friends?”
    Tina concludes with resignation in her voice.
    “I can’t risk all that just to experiment with one of my girlfriends, just because I think she’s hot. I don’t even know if I will like it.”
    “What if I were to set it up for you?” Tina’s countenance goes blank. She stares at me and blinks her pretty eyes a few times.
    “Let me think about that.” I’m suddenly horny.
    *****************************[end of excerpt]*****************

    I NEVER thought that I’d co-author ANY book, least of all a memoir of my early adult years. My favorite client (Max, who really is an Engineer) started to write down all the weird events and humorous outtakes from our meetings, and before long, we had hundreds of pages. This is how our first book came to be. It’s called: “Escort: The True Story of an Orange County Call Girl.”

    Here’s my favorite excerpt:
    “If only I knew at the time that this day would be the point of no return, that once a girl crosses certain moral and personal boundaries, there’s no going back.”

  65. Hey, I’m Sophie! C:
    Right now, I’d probably give myself an A+ on taking care of myself properly ’cause last year in college I had a habit of getting crazy anxious (as well as making horrendous meals for dinner at least twice a week).
    I’ve not even been back for two weeks yet, but still. A+ for me! haha

  66. This year in college I’m sharing an apartment with my roommates and we don’t have internet access yet, so I’ve been unable to read things from my favorite site online *wink* during the week. Now I’m home and I find these amazing news!

    I give myself an A+ in studying when I have to and partying whenever I can. That’s the mix I like, and last year was the perfect year. And this one started pretty well :D

  67. After helping my girlfriend move into her new place this past month, I would definitely give myself an A+ in Ikea furniture assembly!

  68. “Rachel’s heart-warming confessions of a liar”

    Wait, that was supposed to be heart-warming?? I thought it felt more like a shard of stained glass piercing my soul… o__O

  69. And also A+ to the people who used to do ‘read only’ on this site now commenting and saying hello to people on the internet!!! And sharing stories and stuff they deserve A+ on! Jam on people. JAM. ON.

  70. This week I’m giving myself an A+ for poster making! I made posters for our school’s theater tech club that are covered in 3D skeletons.

  71. Hi! I think I deserve an A+ in learning how to make my new partner have a orgasm, which I have recently mastered. It involves a process similar to disarming a sexy, sexy bomb. Two hands, (a tongue as well, unlike bomb disablement, as far as I’m aware…) and lots of slight, ever-so-careful adjustments.

    I also started university last week. I dropped out of high school in the tenth grade due to a nasty combination of depression, PTSD, and general laziness. So far I am rocking university, have participated in every class and am way ahead on all my assignments. I am determined to score many A+s over the course of the next four years, so if I did win this one, I would be absolutely thrilled (dying to know what Riese’s ex-girlfriend had to say!) but it would not thrill me quite as much as knowing that:
    a) I can make my super sexy female-bodied partner come like a firetruck,
    b) I am good enough and smart enough to be in university and
    c) Autostraddle exists and I can enjoy 99.99% of it for free every single day!

  72. Hrm… I’m a very strict grader. Is it possible to earn an A+? I’m not sure there’s such a thing. How can you do better than an A, which almost no one should be able to get anyway?

    I give myself an A+ in overthinking simple concepts to the point of absurdity.

  73. I give myself an A+ in reading lots of books (I’m sure the library absolutely loves me) and watching lots of TV shows. I’m also A+ at trying to find at least one thing that I share in common with each character so that I can somehow connect/relate to everyone and at least like, if not love, every character (expect for a very select few who are just Always The Worst).

  74. I would have to give myself an A+ in lurking. Not in the creepy way, just in an uninvolved kind of way. I’m always the awkward kid on the edge of a conversation, for example. And I’ve been reading/lurking on Autostraddle for, like, four years. Seriously.

    So hi! And thank you for finally prompting me to de-lurk! I have to say, I hope my grade drops significantly in the subject of not being involved in stuff and activities and conversations. Wine may help.

  75. I’m giving myself at A+ for finally getting help for depression after too long of a wait.

    And for having finished my master’s successfully in spite of it.

  76. This is a fantastic comment prompt! I give myself an A+ in eating copious amounts of string cheese, acquiring masses of books that I may or may not end up reading, giving back massages, and listening properly to my students when they need someone to talk to about the serious things.

  77. I’d give myself an A+ for this idea…

    …How about as well as offering the full memberships- you also offer the chance for people to pay to read one off articles that appeal to them? My finances would be much more able to manage a couple of bucks here or there for something that tapped my interest enough to click on it than they would stretch to a full membership (kinda like buying a magazine for £2 vs. buying a years subscription to said magazine for £50).

    I don’t know how this would work techno-wise, so it might not be feasible but there have been a few articles I’ve been like WHY.

  78. hey folkx! You can call me E, and I give myself an A+ for knowing where my limits are and taking care of myself, at least most of the time.

    • Hey, our names are both letters. Because I sometimes spell my name K for laziness haha. I seriously applaud you for doing these things, because I have a lot of friends who really struggle with it and so do it. You doing this is so excellent.

  79. Hi awesome people :)
    I would like to give myself an A+ because I start uni on Saturday after not thinking I’d make it there because of anxiety and depression! Future, ima kick your butt.

  80. Hi guys, my name is Emma-Jean and I give myself an A+ for making some tough decisions of late, but allowing myself to explore who I am and what I want. And because of this newfound strength and trusting my intuition I have finally entered a beautiful, happy part of my life.

  81. So I’ve been in the depths of the Louisiana wilderness all weekend roughin it without service or wifi and just returned from that peaceful slice of paradise to see this exciting opportunity! So I am going to go with my most recent accomplishment, therefore I give myself an A+ for navigating my way through the county roads of Louisiana for 2.5 hours back to New Orleans WITHOUT using a gps. Maps still exist, y’all, and if you miss a turn it doesn’t automatically reroute for you…

  82. i’m beck + i’m new here and i think i deserve an a+ in sleepiness and procrastination! also getting really grumpy and whining a lot. these are valuable life skills, i know.

  83. I’d give myself an A+ for finally realizing who I am (or mostly realizing that it’s an ongoing process, and that is OKAY) and being so fucking proud of that.
    These next months are going to be a little bit hard, I will find myself a little lonely and I think that I’m not used to that anymore. But I give myself an A+ for not letting my mind going in that dark place again. I just won’t.

    Also A+ to my younger self for finding this amazing place years ago. <3

  84. I realise it may be too late to be entered into the contest, but this is a really cool idea so I’m going to participate anyway. So I give myself an A+ in making it through a crazy summer and learning to do things that make me uncomfortable (my friends and I had a thing about challenging each other to step outside of our comfort zones). And not quite an A+ yet, but I’m getting better at asking for help when I need it.

  85. Hi autostraddle,

    Things which I’d receive an A+ in?

    Minor dilly dallying, existential procrastination (like regular procrastination but combined with a superiority complex), advanced sexting and napping.

    Mostly napping.

  86. I give myself an A+ in life right now. I talked to my ultra conservative minister grandma about being a lady lover and even though she has ignored it and hated it since I was 17, I got her to begin accepting it. got Two jobs, increased my gpa, took on four positions in my sorority, turned 21 and never had a drink, moved in with my girlfriend and I’m hoping to adopt a baby with her soon. I Also wrote some great informative essays that taught people about being a queer woman and how great it would be if gays adopted. I’m doing pretty Good!

  87. Is on the 15th too late? Obviously I don’t get an A+ in punctuality.

    I am giving myself an A+ in self-care. I have a lot of health problems and for the past few months I’ve been taking really good care of myself, and I’m healthier than I have been in a long time and I’m eating well and it just feels really good to be taking care of myself and feeling measurably better because of it!

  88. I may be too late but I truly do want to give myself a good grade today.

    I left my house on my own for the first time in a week due to back/foot injuries, and in town I ran into a student I supported when I was a teaching assistant. She has just finished a two-year course and I helped her every day of her first year so we spent a lot of time together — but then I quit to go and do my Master’s, woo!. Anyway, when I left she was considering going to university but she wasn’t sure. If she did go, she wanted to stay nearby and commute, because she was pretty sure she wanted to answer phones at her dad’s business for the rest of her life. Today she told me she’s off to university on Wednesday and she’ll be living there, not commuting. It sounds small now but I like to think I did something that helped her get to where she is and I can see her being really successful. It was a nice moment :)

    So I give myself an A+ for getting out of the house and for (in a minor way) helping a young person to challenge herself and be ambitious. :)

  89. hi!! this is a rad idea. gonna give myself an A+ for patience – lots of things have been trying it lately (men in my bio classes assuming I don’t know what I’m talking about, people in public places who sit by the outlets and don’t use the outlets, the girl hogging the PS4 to play Destiny…) and I’ve managed to relatively keep my cool.

  90. I am still here and I am still A plussing. Today I get an A+ in saying “fuck you, negative body image! It is too hot to wear anything but a bra!”

  91. Hellooooo Autostraddle!

    I am going to give myself an A+ for learning to accept what I cannot control. Or working towards learning to accept what I can’t control. Or maybe just wanting to learn to accept what I can’t control. Life is hard. A+ either way.

  92. I would give myself an A+ for accepting the ignorance in others, trying to educate them subtly and most importantly accepting myself and all the quirks I have and, likewise educating myself less than subtly! <3.

  93. I give myself an A+ for being able to count the number of orgasms I can generate between the time my mother yells that dinner is ready and the time she gets it on the table.

  94. I give myself an A+ for getting the actual biggest nosebleed I’ve gotten in years (and I get a lot) on the train today, with only two tissues and a tampon wrapper in my possession. I proceeded to bleed out all over my hands, arms, library book, and the wall next to me. Also in my lunchbox. Fortunately someone nearby had a napkin so I was able to contain the stream from my nose but I was literally mopping up splotches of blood from the cover of my book with the tampon wrapper. And then I carried the clot (roughly the size of an average orange wedge) cupped in one hand for my half-mile walk home from my stop. All without managing to get a drop on my new skirt-with-pockets.

  95. Just checking back in from my last entry… I would give myself an A+ since my last post for finally getting my septum pierced. I’ve been wanting to do it for ages but my ex girlfriends didn’t want me to, but now I’m single I have realised I can do it if I would like regardless of others opinions. So I did it and I love it!! Another step on the road to my inner happiness <3

  96. I give myself an A+ in my organizational skills… I am a little anal, colored stickers, folders, index cards and even different colored pens for different things. I know… I have some OCD going on.

  97. I give myself an A+ for successfully surviving entering my last year as a duel major and a minor in my pre-grad work!

  98. I need an A+ today for staying positive because I didn’t freak out about my first driving lesson even though my instructor forgot it was on and then I continued not freaking out after hitting my head at work, getting a concussion and missing my rescheduled lesson. So two lessons missed and a banged head and still in a good mood. A+!

  99. Hi there! I would give myself an A+ in blurting embarrassing truths about myself to total strangers and possibly also binge-watching TV series to avoid responsibility.

  100. Hi! I would give myself an A+ for not having a mental breakdown even though it’s super overwhelming being in my first year of college. Oh also A+ because I came out to one of my good friends the other day. I did so by inviting her to come to PRIDE group at the University (the college doesn’t have one), I was super nervous but she responded really well and actually came out to me as bi.

  101. I’m Chrissy- because I’ve always introduced myself as Chrissy but about a third of people I know call me Chris, and I like that. I give myself an A+ for recognizing I needed a couple days off this week and going to work out to relieve stress.

  102. I give myself an A+ in being late to contests, making coffee this morning, and not having spoken (out loud) a single word to another human yet today… that’s just the A+++ kind of self-care I needed.

  103. I’d give myself an A+ in encouraging women. While I was University in New Zealand I was apart of a variety of Women in Technology Groups and I was even on the organisational teams for 2 of them! As a member of the group I encouraged and brought together women in the male dominated technology field!
    I had a lot of fun with it and I am a part of a variety of them now in San Francisco!

  104. I give myself an A+ for finally being myself openly to all and not continuing to lie about myself. after 22years of doing so, it’s been a huge relief and a giant leap back from the edge I walked with sanity and depression.. a scary one, but worth it even with all the issues I have had to deal with since. Better to live and die as who I am, then continue to live a lie (for me anyways)

  105. I would give myself an A+ in graphic design. Here’s the reason why …

    When I was seven years old, my dad gave me a computer. It must have been around 1998. I didn’t really use it – not because I didn’t like it, but because I didn’t know how to use it. And I was too ashamed to ask my dad, how I’d be able to turn it on. Unlike today, you’d have to type in three letters, “WIN”, to start the machine. That took me 3 years though.

    In 2002 though, as I didn’t have a lot of friends and on the other side a bunch of time for my own, I began to get interest in finding out on how to create own websites …

    Today I’m 23 years old. I’m a professional web designer – I wouldn’t say I’m the best web designer in the world, but in a whole timespan in life in which I didn’t have a lot of friends, I invested all my love, power and time in creating the best I could with my own two hands … I’m proud of my abilities – and that’s why I give ’em a deserved A+.

  106. It is after September 15th, which makes me sad. Regardless, I give myself an A+ in rolling with the punches. I will not let unfortunate timing (or unfortunate… circumstances/developments/things I said or did while drunk) get the best of me. I excel at this to the point that people ask me what it’s like to not get anxious or freak out about things–HAH! Of course I do, but what’s done is done, and ultimately, all you have is RIGHT NOW and–hopefully–tomorrow. What are you gonna do?

  107. Hey so in the last week I would give myself an A+ on knowing my limits emotionally, mentally, and academically. Having a history of depression I noticed some negative feelings creeping back in so I booked an appointment with a counselor. I also realized that 5 classes at the college is too much for me, I was really worried that people would judge me for dropping a class but I decided that putting my mental and emotional health at risk was not worth it so I dropped one of my classes. I feel so much better! It’s still a little overwhelming but it’s much more manageable with 4 classes. Surprisingly, most of my people were like “ugh yeah, 5 classes is crazy”.

  108. You know what, I’m going to give an A+, not to myself today, but to everyone in this thread. Everyone here has recognized that there is something within themselves that deserves an A+. That isn’t always the easiest thing to do, yet every single person, all 173 comments other than mine have been people recognizing themselves for something.
    A+ everyone. A+

  109. I’m gonna give myself an A+ for a few things, such as:
    – Coming out officially to my parents, no matter how murky their view of me and my identity is. It was awkward, I cried, but I did do it!
    – Starting the most zines without finishing them. I’ve got at least 10 mini zines filling up my zines folder with just the cover done.
    – Being a professional procrastinator. I’ve managed to put off literally everything until the last minute, and somehow pull (some of) it off!

  110. Checking back in again!

    I give myself an A+ for sitting through an 8.5 hr tattoo session on Saturday and then driving 2.5 hrs home like a boss!

    Also an A+ for dating a really nice girl and successfully so far playing it cooooooool…. Life is good! :D

  111. My name is Briana and I am new to this website. I stumbled across it on tumblr, one of my dirty little vices. My blog is at I think this site is better than awesome, btw.

    I would have to give myself an A+ on bravery. I had shoulder length hair until this morning when I took clippers (1/2″ guard) and scissors to it. Visit my tumblr page if you want to see…

    Im thinking about putting in a few streaks of color. It is dyed red atm and I am thinking a bolder red or maybe some orange to celebrate fall…just some streaks in the very front. :) lol

    • oops!!! didn’t know that took. Sorry for the double post. Ignore this one…unless the long version is toooooooo long! Sorry!!

  112. My name is Briana and I am new to this website. I stumbled across it on tumblr, one of my dirty little vices. My blog is at I think this site is better than awesome, btw.

    I would have to give myself an A+ on bravery. I had shoulder length hair until this morning when I took clippers (1/2″ guard) and scissors to it. Visit my tumblr page if you want to see…

    Im thinking about putting in a few streaks of color. It is dyed red atm and I am thinking a bolder red or maybe some orange to celebrate fall…just some streaks in the very front. :) lol

    Oh I also deserve an A+ in bravery due to my coming out of the closet at 40 yrs young this year on facebook. ANNNNNND Ive been flirting with women in everyday situations and even asking for their numbers. I actually got one the other day! :) I don’t drink or do drugs (illegal anyway), and the closest gay bar is either in Chattanooga or Atlanta, which are an hour+ away from this hillbilly town I live in. :) So I figured if I want to find “her”…my twin soul, my beautiful, gorgeous, incredibly sexy love of my life: I better get out and start trying to meet her. My tumblr blog is devoted to “her”. I may not know her name, but I know she is out there. We will know when our paths finally cross or cross once again.

    <3 Love you all and keep being you!

  113. I came back to give myself an A+ for not freaking out about a job interview I had today, and not saying anything that didn’t make sense! I doubt I got the job, but really, a calm-ish interview is a big achievement :)

  114. Hi! I have totally missed the Sept. 15th deadline. However, I’m going to give myself some A pluses anyway because a) I love me, b) I love Autostraddle, and c) it makes me happy to see everyone else’s A pluses and I wanted to add my own.

    I’m giving myself an A+ for buying just the right amount food for an event where I fed 34 people for a weekend away from Wednesday night to Sunday morning.

    I’m also giving myself an A+ for moving across the country this summer because even though I miss all of my good friends, I know it was the best thing for me to do and I’m proud of myself for doing it.

  115. Hello, my name is Katia, called Katie by all my English friends. I am from Ukraine and out of the closet everywhere but home. Totally passed the deadline, but either way, I think I deserve an A+ for being able to manage the fact that I always end up with difficult people in several situations and being able to stay positive for myself.

  116. Commenting again because I’VE GOT A DATE LATER, A+ to me for shiny feelings and cuties!!! Also A+ to my date for being so friggin cute.

  117. Hi there, my name is Kate. I would give myself an A+ for getting accepted into two different graduate schools for a Master’s degree in Counseling and being strong to turn BOTH of them down to start college all over again to pursue a degree in nursing. It was a hard decision, but I am strong enough to do it and I will become a bad ass nurse.

  118. hi Grace and Chelsea! i’ve been perusing autostraddle for awhile now, and finally mustered up the courage to sign up (i’m a real introvert about making connections).

    i have a lot of amazing things happening in my life, but none of them would be possible if i hadn’t recently celebrated being four years clean from a horrid heroin addiction. so for that, i give myself an A+ !

    much love.

  119. What’s good everyone? Missed the contest deadline, but proud that I finally signed up anyway. I give myself an A+ for always knowing where the party’s at, another one for working the whole spectrum from dresses and heels to suits and ties without blinking, and for being the (awesome qpoc) girl most ready NOT to u-haul despite the passing years of singleness ;)

  120. Missed the deadline!!!! Bummer. Here it is anyway: My name is Kay. I’m 19 years old, I’m engaged to the woman I love, and I’m one semester away from finishing my degree in Astrophysics at SMU. However… I could not afford to dish out another 20,000 dollars in loans out of pocket and decided to enlist in the Air National Guard this year in order to gain access to the GI Bill to help pay for school.

    I give myself an A+ because instead of dropping out, I kept motoring… and moved 200 miles with my fiancé in tow, and still plan on getting married in July of next year. I’m also kind of proud of myself that instead of going straight into research in Astrophysics and Geological studies (my minor), I’ve decided to use my knowledge to create a roving children’s physics and geology museum with my fiancé who is studying anthropology.

    As children, me and my fiancé both asked far too many questions about how our world worked…and with parents too distracted and impatient to give us the answer we were looking for.. so we thought we would give kids the option of not only being able to read about, say “Rhodonite with quartz inclusions” in a geology book, but to be able to see it up close and touch it in person, and also get an idea of where in the earth’s crust it formed.

  121. I’d give myself an A+ for finally getting up the courage to come out to my family and friends as Bisexual (with a preference to women) – and although some reactions were not good ones, I stayed strong. I also got up the courage to finally tell a girl I was falling for my feelings – with whom I am now in a relationship with! :D

  122. Howdy! This blog post couldn’t be written any better!
    Looking at this article reminds me of my previous roommate!
    He constantly kept talking about this. I am going to forward this information to him.
    Pretty sure he’s going to have a great read. I appreciate you for sharing!

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