If You Could Be Any Type of Cereal In The World, What Would You Be?

I use an online software situation called “formspring” which enables strangers to ask me questions, tell me how much they love me and tell me how much they hate me.

Recently, a person asked me a question on formspring that I’m having trouble answering! I want to say “Lucky Charms” but I feel like that’s cheating. Maybe you could help me.

“If you could be any type of cereal in the world, what would you be? Please explain.”

 


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Riese is the 35-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York City and mellowed out in California before returning to Michigan. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2316 articles for us.

96 Comments

  1. Thumb up 0

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    Otees!! _smurfs addition.. Not only are they blue, but they contain > marshmallows!!! Although I must admit rainbowrific sounds awesome!

  2. Thumb up 0

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    Cinnamon Toast Crunch because, goddamn is that stuff delicious. I could it eat by the bucket.
    Or at least for dinner every night like I have the past two weeks.

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      I was one of those kids who went through few weird food stages but one of them was only eating cinnamon toast crunch and coffee cakes. So easy to eat constantly!

  3. Thumb up 0

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    australian/nz mini-wheats (we don’t do frosted). in which i am dry on the outside but fruity on the inside.

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      They used to have so much more filling than they do now. You have to eat a whole bunch at once to get anywhere near as much flavour.

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      I agree. They did something bad to fruity bix as well. Oh for the good old days…

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    Golden Grahams, because it’s my favorite and I’m my favorite and we could be delicious and golden together all day long.

  5. Thumb up 0

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    All-Bran golden Crunch! Coz the crunchy mixed cereal pieces with a caramel flavour and fruits are irresistible. When you start eating them, no waaaaay you can stop

  6. Thumb up 0

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    Lion Cereal because it is a lion bar in cereal form and also because I just discovered it and it is my jam rn.

  7. Thumb up 0

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    Big ol’ homo homemade lesbo granola. Recipe courtesy of Autostraddle, that honey maple one specifically.

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    KABOOM: What happens when Fruit Loops and Lucky Charms procreate.

    the magical appearance of the actual image in this comment is brought to you by vegan unicorns and the autostraddle community managerettes

  9. Thumb up 0

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    I would be Naya Rivera’s favorite type of cereal because she can eat me anytime.

  10. Thumb up 0

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    I think I’m going to go with fruity pebbles…
    But maybe I’m only saying that because I had pink berry yesterday.

  11. Thumb up 0

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    Cap’n Crunch because… Well because… (i can’t believe i’m actually trying to explain this in a logical way!!) Because it’s freaking awesome and i love it! ๐Ÿ˜€

  12. Thumb up 0

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    They’re bunches of oats sweetened with honey, sometimes with bananas already in the box (and sometimes with almonds too!), that’s why I’d be Honey Bunches of Oats.

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    Gluten-free cereal obvs. You don’t really like me at first because I don’t taste as good as regular cereal but as time progresses you begin to enjoy my company and appreciate what I bring to the table/your stomach, so you start to love me and appreciate me for what I am.

    P.S. this is a 100% accurate representation of gluten-free cereal (and me sort of)

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      I’ve had some amazing Gluten free cereal, including the best cornflakes I’ve tasted, so I’m suprised you’ve not had good experiences…except for buckwheat. I am not a buckwheat cereal.

  14. Thumb up 0

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    Rice crispies. I’m a bit scatterbrained and noisy but I’m more fun than I seem right off the bat.

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    Muesli mix. Healthy and has lots of fiber… Not to mention I like the way it be crunchin’ in my mouth!

  16. Thumb up 0

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    Peanut Butter Panda Poofs! Because they are sweet and crunchy and peanut-buttery and have a really fun-to-say name. And there are cute pandas on the box.

  17. Thumb up 0

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    Puffins, because the bird after which they are named is ridiculously cute, like someone I know. And the cereal is pretty good too.

  18. Thumb up 0

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    My choice is aspirational, because I would get depressed trying to think of my realistic cereal analog: Reese’s Puffs. IT IS THE BEST.

  19. Thumb up 0

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    Cheerios. I can turn the maturity switch on for responsible adults, but being around kids brings out my secretly goofy side. However, my silliness never crosses over into the realm of obnoxiousness; I know how to balance my goofiness and maturity very well. I also like experimenting with my look–I can keep it classic and low-key (like original Cheerios), go bright and colourful (like fruity Cheerios), or venture off into the land of interesting, but not for everyone (like peanut butter Cheerios, or dulce de leche Cheerios).

    I spent about 25 minutes thinking of that. I’m not ashamed.

  20. Thumb up 0

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    I’d say Special K yogurt + fresh strawberries because they’re healthy and delicious. And strawberries are sexy. I like sexy.

  21. Thumb up 0

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    Old-school Cheerios in chocolate milk, because I’m a balance of what’s good for you and what’s indulgent… and it’s what I crave at midnight.

  22. Thumb up 0

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    Rice Krispies Treats cereal…a sweet twist on a classic, remembered fondly by those who’ve enjoyed it in the past. I may not be quite as goddamn life-changingly delicious, however.

  23. Thumb up 0

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    Special K Fruit & Yogurt and without a doubt.

    The flakes are just enough crunch for your breakfast or all other meals of the day (like me). The little fruit clusters are a nice zing to compliment the crunch and the yogurt balls are a delicious surprise because they like to hide in the milk! Adding some fresh fruit and a dash of cinnamon on those special mornings makes it pretty darn good too.

  24. Thumb up 0

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    Riese may be the Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle, but can she see why I’d like to be Cinnamon Toast Crunch?

    (Mostly I just love the old commercials for it. And now I want some.)

  25. Thumb up 0

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    Crunch Berries but just the Berries part. Fruity and rainbow, seems appropriately delicious.

  26. Thumb up 0

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    I think I’d have to be Chex squares, because I have a habit of soaking up the environment around me…. and exploding in your mouth.

  27. Thumb up 0

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    I would be a family-sized box Reese Puffs, poured in its entirety into an industrial-sized mixing bowl. Actually, this IS who I am, so I really just want to share with you that I’m living the dream.

  28. Thumb up 0

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    Golden Grahams because I’m a sweet, delicious square. And I am a great companion to Saturday morning cartoons.

  29. Thumb up 0

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    WeetBix or CrunchyNut Honey nut (the one with the nuts actually in it) sooo good. Or Nesquik cereal. Loved that as a kid.

  30. Thumb up 0

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    I love how there’s 60+ comments on a thread about cereal. We queers enjoy our breakfast foods!

  31. Thumb up 0

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    Weetabix (with vanilla almond milk). Mmm, delicious cardboard.

    But it is discouragingly hard to find in America…

  32. Thumb up 0

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    Cracklin’ Oat Bran, because my grandma always had it at her house.
    Fiber + Childhood Memories = Happy Lesbian

  33. Thumb up 0

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    Peanut Butter Cheerios. Because… PEANUT BUTTER! And with chocolate milk they are AMAZING PEANUT BUTTER!

  34. Thumb up 0

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    Hmmm, frosted mini-wheats. I’m short hence the mini. The wheat part is the adult side of me, with the frosting showing that I’m still a kid at heart.

  35. Thumb up 0

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    How about Killer, Cereal Killer. Then everyone else can be toast.

    Hmm, too much bad punnery? I seem to have got myself into a jam. ๐Ÿ™‚

  36. Thumb up 0

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    I would be any cereal the mohawk sporting soccer playing girl in my biology class eats.

  37. Thumb up 0

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    Haggen, this grocery in my city, sells off-brand Lucky Charms called Mallow Oats. I’d want to be those, because they’re fucking delicious but weird looking and have a name that makes people laugh, in a good way.

  38. Thumb up 0

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    This topic is awesome because I always say if I was a cereal, I’d be a Queerio. Sweet like Cheerios but a little lumpier and also fruitier

  39. Thumb up 0

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    Probably honey nut cheerios. I’m not super interesting or exciting, but your parents like me, I’m pretty sweet and a little nutty, and I’m good for yer heart health, so that you can leave me a happier, stronger, whole-r girl, and I’ll just be here, being cereal, without you.

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