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Having sex while you’re home for the holidays can be an incredibly tricky task. There’re always people around, the idea of being heard or caught by anyone can be mortifying and sharing space with family often means there’s limited privacy. Plus, if like many people, you have annoying problematic family members that would have a heart attack if they knew you were exercising your right to be queer and sexually active, things can easily get uncomfortable. So what’s a queer to do when you’re looking for a holiday hookup? Or have a partner you’d like to make hot sensual holiday love with? Get creative! Where there’s a will there’s a way, and if you want holiday sex you deserve to have it. I want you to have it! Which is why I’m here with this list of the best tips and tricks I have for getting it on in the season of close family quarters. With a little confidence and planning, you can absolutely find time for the stellar holiday sex of your dreams.

Single? Use the apps!

For those of us who’ll be in the singles-seeking-hookups club this holiday season, dating apps make achieving that goal incredibly easy. Everyone who’s back in town, already over family time, and… well, horny will be cruising, especially the night before Thanksgiving. It’s one of the busiest bar nights of the year cause everyone is off work and looking to have fun and unwind. So here’s what you do: open up the app of your choice and add something simple but obvious like “home for the holiday, eggnog and chill?” to your profile. Anything that will send a clear signal to all the other queers cruising for a casual holiday hookup that you’re looking for them will do. Then when you’ve got a match, you can meet up at a local bar or restaurant to get acquainted before taking things elsewhere.

Be the holiday helper

Errands are inevitable during the holidays, and can be the perfect way to work in car quickies or makeout sessions with your boo. If you position yourself to be the kind, selfless soul that’s willing to do last-minute grocery runs or give rides to people who need them you can use those little getaways to your advantage. Volunteer to run the errands with your cutie and build in time while you’re out to sneak away and get frisky. This is easiest for those who have cars, but slipping into a store bathroom can be awesome too. Just find somewhere safe and secluded and cover as many bases as you’d like. The key here is to keep it under 30 minutes, so you’re not gone so long that your family notices and starts to wonder what’s up. You may not be able/willing to have full-on naked, fog-the-windows-up car or bathroom sex but you can easily fool around with clothes on for a while, which is also incredibly hot.

Use distractions to score

Another path to succeeding at scissoring your way through the holiday is to take advantage of the times that activities and distractions occur that keep your whole family occupied. Prime examples include any time sports are on and people are deeply invested and yelling at the TV; when the spades, Scattergories or charades games break out; when the cute baby everyone has been waiting to fawn over arrives/wakes up; or when that family member that loves being the center of attention starts doing whatever it is they do to get it and takes command of the room. Stick around just long enough to make sure everyone is fully immersed in what’s happening, then lock eyes with your significant other and leave one at a time to rendezvous elsewhere and do the deed. Bonus points if you manage to slip back into the family activities unnoticed once you’re done.

Shower while everyone sleeps to masturbate in peace

If alone time to have sex with yourself is what you’re after this holiday, allow me to suggest taking showers at off-peak times. This comes especially in handy if you’re sharing a room or bed with a family member so have no privacy or personal space to masturbate. Snagging the bathroom way early before everyone wakes up, or long after they’ve fallen into their turkey/alcohol/sugar-induced comas ensures no else one will be waiting to use it or making you feel rushed out. You can take all the me time your libido desires, masturbate in peace, and release all that stress from family time by way of orgasms if you’re willing to sacrifice a little sleep for it. The morale boosts you’ll be rewarded with will absolutely compensate for the loss of sleep, so decide if you’re staying up late or setting an early alarm for the sake of self-love.

Make a holiday fake out playlist

I’m aware that what I’m about to suggest is a bit blasphemous, and admittedly works best for those who celebrate Christmas, but it’s nearly foolproof so hear me out: having sex to holiday music playlists is the ultimate secret weapon for success. Most everyone knows that when loud music starts playing behind a closed door someone is trying to drown out their sex sounds, so you’re bound to get called out. However, when that music is holiday music no one will suspect you’re doing anything but innocently reveling in holiday cheer. I genuinely believe this is why songs like “Santa Baby,” “Santa Got Stuck in my Chimney” and literally every Christmas cover by The Temptations exist. Maybe it’s time to give “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” a new meaning. Oh, and just think of the role plays you could get into! If you just can’t get down to traditional holiday songs, there are R&B and acoustic/hipster holiday playlists on Spotify that might be more your mood but it’s nowhere near as inconspicuous, so if you want to be sure no one has a clue what (or who) you’re doing, put on the classics and dim those lights.

Find a home away from home

Maybe getting it on in your family home is really just not an option for you. Whether it’s an issue of discomfort with the idea or having such a full house there’s no chance you’ll manage to be left alone long enough to succeed at doing the deed, your best option is to find somewhere else to go. This is where nearby friends and neighbors can really come in handy. Is there someone you know in your building or neighborhood that has plants or pets that need to be checked on? Offer to do it so you can take advantage of all that privacy and have a consistent and valid excuse to get away. If no one needs any favors, there might be someone who’s traveling for the holidays and would just do you a solid and leave a spare key behind in exchange for a nice bottle of wine. Rack your brain for any connections you have to people with potentially vacant spaces and reach out to them! You may just land the perfect mutually beneficial situation. Since this involves a little more planning, you’ll ideally want to reach out to people at least a couple days before the holiday so everything will be squared away by the time you arrive, then you’ll be set to have all the hot holiday sex you can manage.

Happy sexy holidays y’all!

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