Holy Ammunition! It’s A Bomb Girls Movie Update!

What’s cookin’, Bombshells? If you haven’t chewed your own foot off in anticipation of Bomb Girls: The Movie, then let me give you even more reasons to be terrifyingly excited. There’s been a lot of posts all over BG social media lately, so I’ve decided to round them up into a single article so we can start to make sense of what might be happening on our screens at a soon-to-be-decided date.

Here’s everything we know so far:

1. Gladys’s narrative will be all about learning how be good spy. SPIES! Also new men to canoodle.

this how be good spy: the film event

Featuring SPIES! and DRAW ME LIKE ONE OF YOUR FRENCH GIRLS.

Gladys’s lady parts still work like a black hole for unsuspecting boy toys. Latest in a long string of men who have been caught in the tractor beam that is Gladys’ Enchanted Womanhood is Jakob, played by Jamie Elman. Jakob escaped the Holocaust in Poland, but not without having to leave his family behind. Now he is helping Gladys learn how to be good spy and being sucked into the magical vortex of doom that is her affection. Will Jakob survive Gladys’ black hole? Given the history, odds ain’t good. Place your bets now!

he's just learning

It’s probably too late for that, honey.

Since Gladys is now initiated into her new role as spy, via Bad Accent No Why and that lady who tried to cop a tampon in the bathroom that one time, she’ll be fighting the good fight and foiling an evil plan that involves sonar equipment. What do we know about sonar equipment? Prior to reading a Wikipedia article five minutes ago, I knew it had something to do with whales, and was upset to find out that this movie will probably not be about Gladys riding Super Spy Whales in Lake Ontario.  Here is an artistic rendering of that plotline:

FUCKHILTER

Pretty much like that.

It’s important to note that Gladys still has the hat collection of an angel, and if I don’t see at least two new hats per scene, I will be very upset.

aw bb angel face

Hat game on point.

2. We don’t know what Lorna’s doing, but we know she is doing it in the dark.

1471296_427104200723966_1924998845_n

Things that could be going on in this picture:

  1. The ghost of Baby Cannoli is speaking to Lorna via possessed candlelight.
  2. Lorna has just set the patriarchy on fire, and is contemplatively observing its demise.

3. Based on one photo alone, I’m 99.9% sure that Kate’s plotline will involve a burlesque routine at some point. Or just singing and taking off her gloves, which is totally fine by me, too. 

bgfreakingout

Yes, you read that right. Also, can we talk about her gorgeous outfit and the fact that Kate looking confident and super hot is the best thing ever? Nobody is ever gonna put baby girl in the corner again because baby girl saves herself!

oprah man is still my hero

For real, though. That card she’s holding says “Dinner?” and I’m willing to bet it came with that rose. Who is her admirer? We are to assume Betty is in jail, right? DID BETTY SECRETLY GET OUT OF JAIL TO LEAVE HER THIS SECRET ADMIRER STUFF?

4. We don’t know what Betty and Vera and Co. are up to, but we guarantee it’s gonna be flippin’ awesome.

No pictures or updates on potential plotlines for Betty and Vera, but maybe that’s because they’re saving the juiciest bits for last.

What do we think of these spoilers? What are you crying the most about right now? Is this fandom the “most likely to cry at everything” fandom? Yes or yes?

Full-time writer, part-time lover, freelancing in fancy cheese and cider.

Kate has written 131 articles for us.

25 Comments

  1. Yooooo, can that Bob comment warrant a trigger warning at least? That joke is messed up on so many levels. Domestic violence, abuse of disabled people, making light of actual people who were burned to death in Europe at that time? Just made me really uneasy.

    • hey! thanks for your legit commentary. i’m actually going to go ahead and change the joke entirely because that was definitely a case when hyperbole went too far. this is a great fandom because we’re small enough to keep each other in check and i appreciate the callout! sincere apologies to anyone who was upset by this, and a promise that you won’t have to see similar stuff in the future.

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