His Girl has a Girlfriend: On Bisexuality in Hip-Hop

Way back in 2006, Young Dro climbed the charts with his one and only hit, “Shoulder Lean”. As much as I would love to regale you with stories of how this song was played at every party for the following two years, the reason I bring it up is because it’s the song that started it all. In my mind at least. Young Dro’s seemingly innocuous throwaway punchline started a trend that will probably outlast hip hop’s greatest obsession — comparing one’s self to shit.

This everlasting trend is using women to attain other women.

And then I pimp a hoe, take a bitch to Berlin
Bitch break niggas, after that we fuck they girlfriend
My girl got a girlfriend, Chevy blue like whirlwind
Young Dro – “Shoulder Lean”

Hip hop and R&B remain genres fraught with tension when it comes to relations with the LGBTQ community. Between Nicki Minaj’s faux bisexuality and Chris Brown’s what-seems-like-weekly homophobic rants, who would’ve thunk that male artists would be so affirming of the queer lady lifestyle…kind of? In these industries, being a gay male is equated with weakness and failure as it’s the exact opposite of the “I got bitches” mentality that’s so prevalent. Why then are lady loving ladies the holographic Charizard card of urban music?

I’m super fly
A few of my
Lady friends is super bi-
Sexuals and usually high
Might even give you a try
T.I. – “My Girl Gotta Girlfriend”

I hope she cleaned that strawberry

Using supposedly bisexual women as a pawn in their mastermind scheme shows just how cunning the artist is. In a landscape where sexual prowess is as important as money and power, sending sexy woman folk out to do their bidding has become the ultimate bragging right. These men are only interested in lesbian action as it relates to them. The sexual conquests and flawed versions of bisexuality strangely assert and negate women’s sexual agency simultaneously.

I’m a cold young midwest Cleveland represtenter
My bitch could take your bitch home with us
Chip Tha Ripper – “All Talk”

These guys don’t even have to do the work anymore. They simply hand the responsibility off to their women because her bitches are their bitches. The oft-perpetuated falsity of females never being an active participant in sexual activities or having their own desires makes it impossible for two women to have significant sexual encounters without the presence of a man.  The song and video for “My Girl Gotta Girlfriend” by Ray Lavender shows how these sentiments impact this phenomenon.

Lavender’s girlfriend cheats on him with another woman and he doesn’t give a shit because both women are still attainable for him. I guess what Santana said about the plumbing is true. Or maybe he falls into the ‘eating ain’t cheating’ camp of lore. Either way, it never occurs to him that his girlfriend may be in search of something else. Namely, boobs. Or that the woman she cheats on him with, whom he has only seen in the context of a same-sex relationship, may not like men at all. Especially not his ass. He has no reason to get mad. His love life is the McDonald’s apple pie conundrum: if you can get two for basically the same price as one, why would you ever get a single pie? Now replace “pie” with “women” and you have this song:

Cuz having two chicks
Is better than no chicks
I’d rather just join in
Keep my girl and keep the other one too
Ray Lavender – “My Girl Gotta Girlfriend”

[yframe url=’https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fh5OeSuOhA’]

These women aren’t valued for their own bodies alone but by their proximity to another. These bodies are to be won or lost… by MEN! Bisexual women fit right in to the male’s conquest for the freakiest of freaks because you know, a lesbian relationship can’t possibly be normal. Same-sex attraction automatically means you’re a sexual deviant and in the musical world, that means “freak.”

Maybe cause T.I.P. girls leaving with girls
And in the morning they’ll be waking up with six girls
T.I. – “Freak Though”

[yframe url=’https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apjNSt3ZCjI’]

Where are the mainstream artists to offer an alternative to these images of bisexuality? Though never confirmed, lesbian rumors about Shawnna, Queen Latifah, Missy Elliot, and Remy Ma have circulated. And then there’s Nicki Minaj. I’ve never been a fan which is reason enough to get me shunned in these parts. It’s also reason enough for me to have actively avoided “Lil’ Freak”, her song with Usher that I’d forgotten about until Rachel reminded me. There was no half-stepping in this one. The entire song is about fetching women for him unlike the happenstance of Lavender’s song. In Minaj’s verse she tells the woman the only way to get to Usher is by proving her worthiness (read: freakiness). This will be accomplished by letting Minaj touch her “kitty cat”. It’s coercive and overall just weird that Minaj is acting as guardian to Usher’s pants. Watching the video I half expected her to emerge from underwater at some point to inform us that the royal penis is clean.

[yframe url=’https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNVNzRzDt-k’]

Whereas the other songs rapped about these voiceless bisexual women, Minaj is actively acknowledging her role and participating in the dialogue. While she and other mainstream female artists are busy denying their queerness, male artists continue to revel in their ability to use women as a cultural currency. And not just straight ones. Not anymore. Their collection of women now includes an obsession with acquiring queer ladies (though only a specific kind).

Does the acknowledgment of queerness help the cause of homophobia in hip hop? Does it perpetuate stereotypes about bisexuality or even about lesbians? Is this more problematic than the usual flaunting of straight women?

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Brittani Nichols is a Los Angeles based comedy person. When she's not tweeting about white people or watching television, she's probably eating pizza. Actually, she's probably doing all three of those things concurrently and when she's not doing THAT, she's sleeping. Brittani also went to Yale and feels weird about mentioning it but wants you to know.

Brittani has written 328 articles for us.


  1. *slams head repeatedly against her desk*

    See, this is how bisexual women are “tainting” female sexuality – through male perversion. I’d rather have the hippity-hoppers leave us alone because this kind of exposure is much more dangerous than just being unknown. At least if we’re invisible, we have a chance to speak for ourselves instead of having the wrong group do it “for” us.

    • Woah, don’t be offensive. Bisexual women aren’t tainting anything. We don’t use our bisexuality for the pleasure of men. It’s male perversion and the perversion of the media at large that cause this, that is all. I hate that this is often how bisexuals are portrayed in the media — it is all people see, and leads to a lot of biphobia.

    • This is not how Bisexual woman are… 1st of all i bet non of them really are they are doing it because they are getting paid and because they are trying to be cute to impress some rappers.

  2. When it comes to sexuality, it’s hard to admit- but stereotypes come from somewhere. And the lines are blurring enough to make it a question of ‘ real’ queerness… Which I think we can all agree is dangerous.

    • yeah, these songs continue to get written and played because there are girls like this out there. there are a few girls like this in my school, and thats only reason i’m not out: i’d be lumped in with them, and i shouldn’t be.

      i guess another problem is these rappers/famous people/etc. start saying this sort of thing is real life, people start making sure it becomes real life.

      • The very fact that there are girls at your school who are using their supposed bisexuality for the benefit of men means you SHOULD come out, to provide an example of a more honest alternative. YOU can be the strong bisexual woman who shows your classmates that there is more to it than demeaning yourself and letting men exploit your sexual preferences for their own pleasure.

        Obviously, there are many many reasons to come out or stay in the closet at different times in your life, I get that, but a fear of “being lumped in” shouldn’t be one of them.

    • If you’re looking for the source of the stereotype, then don’t look at actual bisexuals – look to the fantasies of straight males.

      • …and the antics of straight females who are so desperate for male attention that they willingly play into said fantasy.

  3. Aw man! I was just thinking about this today! In one of the Season 2 eps of the Real L Word (yes, I watch it and I’m ashamed. It’s a guilty pleasure, okay?!) I heard a snippet of a song that I liked, and looked it up on the site.
    It’s called “I Like Girls” and it’s by Elle Vee. I thought OMG YAYZ finally an RnB song by a girl about liking girls! Sure enough, Elle Vee sings about the charms of her lady love.

    Enter the male rapper.

    “I’m looking for chicks to take home, she way ahead of me… My life a dream, two bad bitches kissing in the back seat, so just wait until we get to the crib, it’s like a workout plan the way I’m making them sweat… I get them soaking wet… My girl likes girls on the party scene… I’m winning”

    I just about died.

    It’s so offensive to bisexuals (such as myself) to hear about men seeing our sexuality as some kind of novelty that exists for their pleasure alone. They’re fine with us flaunting our sexuality only because of their underlying belief that we ‘need’ them.
    I’ve had guys ask me out before adding “I know you’re into chicks too, and you know, I’d be cool with you seeing chicks at the same time as me, but not another guy”, as though me cheating on them with a girl isn’t really “cheating” because they don’t see women as legitimate competition/sexually equal to themselves…

    Someone needs to, like, re-educate the majority of the straight male population to fix their warped perceptions of bisexuals as sluts who exist for their pleasure.


    • A while back, a bi friend of mine was asked (apparently in all seriousness) by another student, upon finding out that she had a girlfriend, whether he could watch. This was at an event that I was running. It’s probably good that she told me about this happening after the fact, since it likely prevented me from getting arrested for assault. But, yeah, ugh.

      • I work at a chain store that sells office supplies (in Australia) during my uni summer holidays. Once, a customer said to me, “You’re beautiful, do you have a boyfriend?” and I replied “No, I have a girlfriend.”
        His response?
        “Can I watch?”
        I was absolutely stunned. I refused to serve him and told him to apologise and leave the store immediately.

        Still, he’s one of many many guys (often people who I barely know) who have said things like this to me.
        Sure, I often get pissed off by the way some lesbians are prejudiced against bisexuals, but at least lesbians never make such presumptuous and blatantly disrespectful comments directly to my face. It’s a GUY thing.

    • Your entire post = YES YES YES.

      Especially the part about it not being cheating unless a dick is involved.

    • This.

      Also, don’t forget the face-palm inducing high number of straight females who also believe that we, as L, Bs or whatever else we might identify as “need” men or “miss penis” (no, really, a straight girl told me that once. she was serious.)

      • Or that they think we’ve just given up on guys. “Oh, don’t worry, hun, there are plenty of fish in the sea, you’ll find the right guy soon.” – someone in response to another friend’s coming-out.


          …ahem. Sorry, a lot of these statements are just hitting way too close to home for me.

          • Yeah, I had a hetero friend frustrated with her dating woes actually say “oh maybe I’ll just give up my search for the perfect guy and date girls like you do”
            Needless to say, we’re no longer friends.

    • I totally agree. Even as my time as a lesbian, I’ve gotten men saying, “Oh, you just haven’t had a real man” or some other bull. When I still thought I was bi, there were a few guys who were fine with me liking women because “it’s hot” or “kinky”. It’s as if your genuine attraction to women is dismissed or belittled since you also are attracted to men, and they think that is more important.

      It reminds me of something Bette said, “A man sees two women together and thinks he is needed.”

    • If you give any credence to sociobiology (the theory of the evolution of behavior), there’s a fairly good sociobiological explanation for the ‘sleeping with another woman isn’t cheating’ viewpoint that many of the more troglodyte males seem to have: at least before the invention of sperm banks, sleeping with another woman isn’t going to get his woman pregnant, so there’s zero danger of him being tricked into raising another man’s baby. Also, given that a fair number of past human cultures have in one way or another allowed those few males with a sufficiently high socioeconomic status to support them have multiple wives, or a wife and a mistress, or a wife and concubines, or whatever (n Arnold Schwartzneger’s case, a wife and the household maid), with the attendant opportunity for the male to have more offspring, it doesn’t seem very surprising from a sociobiological that many human males have some (normally highly unrealistic) interest in this sort of arrangement. Given that, it’s pretty inevitable that the hip-hop ‘I am the ultimate alpha male’ braggadocio is going to sometimes include references to having more than one woman – you can hardly be a ‘real alpha male’ with only one woman, after all! And, to the male mind, if you have multiple women, of course you want to watch them make out with each other.

      Unregenerate male troglodytism apart, I think a successful triad of three willing, equal, and suitably sexually compatible partners of whatever genders can be a beautiful thing (though it’s not something I’ve every had the opportunity to try, and it’s obviously a long way from what this hip-hop songs are describing). From the various triads I have seen, making a triad relationship work long term is a significantly more challenging juggling act than making a couple relationship work long term, and that’s challenge enough for most of us.

    • To your first point, I can personally attest to that thinking from a straight cismale.

      • Wait, well, in a different shade of grey, but definitely the whole comprehension with why it’s different with a woman than with another guy.

  4. I’ve never understood this obsession with menage-a-trois. Two women are great, but judging by the braggadocio from most rappers (Nicki included) I doubt they even know how to handle one…

    On an unrelated note, TI and Dro really need to work on making their rhymes more convincing. I might buy a line like: “take a bitch to Oberlin.” I mean, we all know what those liberal arts colleges are like amirite ladies

  5. Thank you for this, so much. Not just in hip-hop, but in our culture in general, bisexuality is treated as God’s ultimate gift to men. Far too many times I have come out to friends as bisexual only to receive the response, “So….would you be into threesomes?” with the answer being “Fuck no. My sexuality is not a tool for your added pleasure.” (Not that I think all threesomes are degrading, but you can tell that when these guys ask they have a very specific fantasy in mind.)


    I am so glad you uncovered the reason these lyrics bug me so much: “These women aren’t valued for their own bodies alone but by their proximity to another. These bodies are to be won or lost– by MEN!” Seriously, where are all the queer female rappers to put this male commodification of female homosexuality and bisexuality to rest once and for all?

    • “Seriously, where are all the queer female rappers to put this male commodification of female homosexuality and bisexuality to rest once and for all?”

      In the closet, or they’re not mainstream enough to make an impact. Huzzah! With one stroke, sexism and bi-erasure complete!

    • I don’t normally post on this lovely site, but I don’t remember Kreayshawn ever putting up with cock~

  6. As a huge hip hop/R&B fan, a bisexual woman, and someone who has actually been in a triad relationship with a straight man and a bisexual woman, I’m so glad you wrote this article. A great look into this fascinating, and sometimes disturbing trend in popular culture. When I was dating my boyfriend and girlfriend, it was always interesting to see people’s reaction when he said he had two girlfriends as compared to when one of us said we had a boyfriend and a girlfriend. While men’s jaws would often drop and they would give him deity status, women would often be more like “Oh, wow! That’s… Nice.” You could tell they pitied me and her sometimes (especially her, since him and her had been in a long-term relationship before I came in the picture). While he was applauded for managing to score two chicks, me and her were just seen as having to share the same man, as if we didn’t garner anything from our relationship together as TWO WOMEN. Because, of course, a man validates everything.

    “They Dykin'” by Lil’ Boosie is kind of a misnomer in this whole queer ladies/hip-hop genre. It’s more of a paean to girls who like girls, definitely with heavy reference to threesomes with bisexuals but also girls who don’t like men. Also possibly an interesting acknowledgment of the high number of queer ladies in the sex industry? (“One of my hos turned dyke/I had to ask her/She like women know what women want/And that’s a passion” You tell me)

  7. I’m getting tired of people singling out rap, while not addressing mainstream culture at the same time. These issues do not exist in a vacuum at all, and it has the potential to become heavily racialized as well. You bring up some good points but its a story that I’m tired of hearing.

    I think an interesting and new angle could be how the acceptance and encouragement of bisexuality could be a cover for many gay rappers.

  8. Right I forgot that only men can choose to never sleep with the opposite sex. If you’re a woman, you can’t really be a lesbian can you? You invariably need to have a penis inside of you right?

    Margaret Cho said it best after she questioned sexuali9ty following a one night stand with a woman: Am I Gay? Am I Staright? No I’m just a SLUT, Where’s my parade?

  9. These rapper dudes are REALLY setting up their male fans for BIG time disappointment!

    I say this because, aside from the fact that these songs sound more like a Penthouse letter than reality, unless their girlfriends have already had experiences with women, they may be making themselves obsolete. In EVERY instance I’ve seen in my social circle where some “lucky” guy gets to have a threesome with their lady and some bi-queer woman (which has been about six thus far), their lady finds that the “straight” portion of the evening is the least satisfying, and winds up having another date with the “extra woman” later… WITHOUT the guy! It never fails. Then the guy has to face facts… he’s being left behind, and it’s all his fault.

    If my lady ever felt the need to experience sex with another woman, I’d support her… this kind of need isn’t something that can be easily shunted aside, and I’m not in the habit of limiting my wife’s growth as a person. But I’d also know that such a thing could radically alter our relationship, and NOT harbour any “I never thought this could happen to me, but one day…”-type fantasies. I doubt any of the fans of these rappers would be so prepared.

  10. Sigh, the ye-old “sexual activity vs sexual identity” distinction.
    i say, sexytimes for everyone, on their own terms, if they want it ;)

  11. GREAT article. Gigantic eye roll to every one of these videos/lyrics. I’m so over bisexuality being so fetishized. I’d watch Alcide and Eric from True Blood make-out over these gay-for-pay video girls any day. YAWN.

  12. Thanks for a really interesting article Brittani. I’m not into hip-hop (except for Aussie hip-hop, but it is very different), but I really enjoyed your analysis…

  13. Does this mean Sisqo and Dru Hill are revolutionaries in R&B? Because the “In My Bed” video came out in 1996 when I was 8 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4SOjKZ4L5E) and the song croons “Somebody’s sleeping in my bed…” alluding that his girlfriend is cheating on him with someone. As a child I assumed a man, but then the video showed him walking in on her in their bedroom with flowers in his hand and she’s intertwined with another woman. Based on this article he should have shrugged and hopped in bed with them, but instead the girlfriend’s girlfriend shrugs and the video ends with him walking out of the screen devastated that his girlfriend is intimate/in love with someone else.

    So… I thought that was progressive. Or at least I didn’t think it cheapened girl/girl relations.

    • I had to have seen this video as a kid but I surely do not remember that ending. Must not have made an impact back then. Just watched it now and laughed though. Dru Hill was so quality.

      Omarion came out with that song about being suspicious of his girlfriend being bi which is fairly affirming. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAA2jnnjlLI

    • Now I’m reminded of the nightmare which is “The Thong Song”…Thanx a lot1

  14. As someone else mentioned, the stereotype does indeed come from somewhere. The fact is that there are many, many bisexual women who are involved in polyamorous relationships with both sexes and who seek out women who they can share with their man. I mean, if this didn’t occur quite regularly then I doubt male rappers would be singing about it all the time. So, I don’t see why these artists are in any way at fault. They’re just stating the truth as it pertains to many bisexual women. Personally, it’s not my lifestyle choice, and I don’t like it, but who am I to judge what someone else does in the bedroom?

        • What, so I’m wrong? Well someone tell that to the myriad women who pester you on dating sites for threesomes with their boyfriends/husbands. Tell them I’m wrong, and they don’t actually exist, and they can therefore stop what they’re doing.

          • Sexual minorities of all kinds are overrepresented on dating sites; a big part of it is because what they’re looking for is not so easy to find in the general population, even the general queer population. The Internet thrives on helping people with niche interests find the few other people in the world who share them.

            If you go on a queer ladies website or bisexual website (i.e. a place with a more random cross-section of bi women), though, you will find that not all of us are that into girl-guy-girl threesomes. Actually, I’ve found very few who were even sort-of open to them, much less preferring them. Speaking for myself, the idea of kissing/screwing anyone purely for the entertainment of a third party sounds about as appealing to me as eating a pound of broken glass. I’m a private, introverted person, and I feel like bringing a third person in would just ruin the intimacy of it.

            Also, being open to two-girl threesomes does not mean a woman is bisexual. The way women are trained to ignore their sexuality, and that sex is something that the man will always want more than them, it’s easy to see how a lot of straight girls will agree to threesomes simply because it makes their boyfriends happen. And indeed, nearly all the “barsexuals” I have know were straight.

          • You do realise that many of these women have been put up to the task of having a threesome BY their boyfriends/husbands? And many others may be doing it as a last-ditch attempt to ‘spice up’ their doomed sex life?
            You say “As someone else mentioned, the stereotype does indeed come from somewhere.”
            Well, it does. The stereotype comes from the fantasies of straight males, and the stereotype is not that all bisexual women want polyamorous relationships, but rather that bisexual women seek other women out with the ultimate aim of pleasing the guy.
            Sure, there are a lot of polyamorous bisexual women, but Hip Hop does not paint an accurate picture of these women. Instead of showing them enjoying multiple, equally satisfying relationships, it portrays them as slutting around with girls specifically for the viewing/godknowswhatelse pleasure of the guy watching.

    • There’s this little thing that humans have that I think you are forgetting about – it’s called “imagination.” And it’s particularly prevalent among people in the music-writing business.

    • “but who am I to judge what someone else does in the bedroom?”

      Well, apparently you think you are someone who is justified in judging people. Thanks.

    • There are some *bicurious* women who want a relationship / encounter with a woman but don’t want to lose the relationship they have with their man, so they hope to find a woman who will want them both. It’s unlikely, of course, that they will find one person who will want them both equally, and who they will equally want.

      It’s very sad, really. They’d probably be better off agreeing to open their relationship and find someone who suits them, and their man likewise finding someone who suits him, usually different person. As long as they’re not just using the third and fourth people, but regarding them as whole people.

      Many (not all) women who do this have not had any sexual or romantic experience with another woman, though they identify as bisexual. I hesitate to say that they are categorically *not* bisexual, as they may be. But the chances are that many of them are not as functionally bisexual as they think they are. It sometimes backfires horribly on everyone concerned, when a woman realises to her surprise that actually, she is completely gay… or completely straight. I have known both to happen.

      And having said all that, my own relationship is an egalitarian triad with a man and woman. It’s not something any of us actually sought out: it just happened. And it irritates me that I appear to personify that negative bi stereotype of the person who *has* to have ‘one of each’ to be satisfied, when nothing could be further from the truth.

      And yes, I also hate that stereotype of the man being the ‘natural focus’ of all the female attention. It’s ridiculous and seriously wouldn’t last long in our household. And yet we regularly meet with that assumption, just because of the gender distribution within our relationship. Songs like these feed that patriarchal stereotype and make it hard for us to be seen for who we really are, because people assume they already know what we’re about.

      “but who am I to judge what someone else does in the bedroom?”
      I would hope that anyone posting on AS would know that, regardless of how the heteronormative world sees LGBT and poly people, our relationships, like everyone else’s, are about a whole lot more than just what happens in the bedroom.

  15. This article… it almost made me think something happened with the author.

    Personally, I feel all humans are bi, and its just a matter of how bi a person is that determines if they primarily identify to others as gay or straight. Of course, given society’s repression against gay, males are probably heavily conditioned against even a hint of bi (all sports notwithstanding…). Whereas “straight” females generally can get away with many activities that “straight” males can’t, without being called gay.

    Anyways, back to the article… really? You’re going to complain about bisexuals in rap? All the murder, drugs, violence, etc is okay, as long as they don’t imply a validation of the stereotype that women need a penis!

    • Thanks Nelly Furtado. This is exactly how I feel. I don’t know how I could pass up on writing that killer (excuse my pro-murder language) post.

      • yes brittani i feel like that would fit in well with the primary topic of conversation on this website which is, of course: murder, drugs, and violence. Mostly violence though.

        • And dudes. Man, why don’t we have more dating advice for gay guys!? I desperately need to know what otters are into so I know whether or not I have a shot.

    • :O There’s murder drugs and violence in rap?!
      You guys, why didn’t you put that in the article? No one wants to read about representation of sexuality, because let’s face it, everyone’s up in arms about that. I don’t think anyone’s ever addressed the murdery stuff…

    • And… way to miss the point of my post, which is that the article made a mountain out of molehill.

      You’re complaining about bisexuals in rap, and how it validates needing a penis.

      You’re taking an art(I guess…) form, which routinely validates murder, violence, drugs, sex, etc as a way of life… and you’re complaining about something in a handful of songs, comparative to the thousands of rap songs without it.

      As anti-religious as I am, I particularly like a song by Creed, called Signs. It has the lyrics:

      “This is not about sex
      We all know sex sells and the whole world is buying”

      • I think you may have missed the point of this article/our retorts: This website has a very specific demographic, so the writers do a very good job of finding these topics in our broad society. Yes, everyone is aware of the violence and brutal messages in hip-hop – no one is disputing that, but that wasn’t Brittani intent in this article. However, she has instead chosen to focus on a different matter that nobody else dwells on, and it is also more important to the audience at Autostraddle.

        The fact that even 6 songs depict bisexuals negatively is a bad thing. And that’s why we have it here on Autostraddle.

        • Not at all. How could I misunderstand such loving mocking?

          Anyways, to be perfectly fair…

          I originally thought the author had seen something like this happen, or it had affected one of her friends, so it made her particularly sensitive to it.

          I stand by my statement though, that the article literally makes a mountain out of a speck of dust… its absurd to complain about such a minor aspect of rap music. What will this do to change rap music? You think that if far broader groups cant change the far more negative aspects, this article will do anything?

          I also particularly like how this article takes a few songs, and makes it about them validating bisexuals needing penises… I mean, because poly-amorous relationships don’t exist, right? And certainly not mixed sex ones! /sarcasm

          Given how few examples of bisexual three-ways appear in rap music, it would probably be just as valid to assume that those songs were about poly-amorous relationships, and not about bisexuals needing penises… but I guess that would either not be in this websites supposed demographic, or would require thinking outside the box… no pun intended.

          Or maybe you just don’t believe that they are valid relationships.

          • You’ve got some good points, don’t get me wrong. However, the point of the article is that 98% of the populaton don’t understand sexuality the way that we readers of AS do, so all they go away with: “If a woman has sex with other women she’s going to be down with threesomes.” Any continuation of that image is going to affect a lot of people who do not fall into the bicurious or polyamorous groupings, so yes, it is detrimental for an ignorant society as a whole. That’s what this “speck of dust” is all about, because, face it, bisexuals are highly intolerated and misunderstood by both the heteronormative and gay communities. These songs don’t help.

  16. Too right. There are girls out there that will follow this nasty little path. But honestly, when I listen to that “my girlfriend’s got a girlfriend” song and watch it.. I think he seems really sad and desperate actually. poor guy doesn’t value himself enough to break up with his girlfriend who cheated on him behind his back when he didn’t have the original intention of having two girlfriends. Sadly, I see that sort of thing happen to.
    These sorts of videos come off just as shallow as expensive porn these days. Emotionally 2-D poorly rendered paintings of what real sexual kinks and excitement can look like.

  17. Obviously it’s not just in rap, but the fact it’s acceptable in mainstream music really bites my banana. It’s like when guys say I just haven’t had the right dick, as though I’m going to agree to give it a whirl, he’ll get on me and I’ll suddenly be like “ohh…oh wow, yeah, actually this is really good. You sir, are the right penis!”

    • I know, right, it’s like they’re assuming the idea never dawned on us (not that it did). “Wait, what? All I need to do is sleep with you and I’ll no longer be gay!? Holy shit, why didn’t you get here sooner!?!? I’ve been looking for a way out of all this hot scissoring for yeeeeeeeeears!”

  18. I wouldn’t get as up in arms as some of you are over this. Men, gay/straight/fluid/whatevs are conditioned to like sex. The physiology of their sex organ, as it dangles outside of their body this is probably regularly aroused more than the female sex organ, only helps this affinity for getting it in at all costs.

    Of course “straight” men only care about women sexually as it relates to ribald endeavors. The love to have sex with women so they’re going to wishfully think women love to have sex with them. Plus too many of them aren’t even open to respecting emotional relations with their gf’s, let alone queer relationships, so for them it’s all about sex as it relates to their penis. This is like asking a culturally obtuse straight girl about a threesome with 2 bi men. She doesn’t give two shits unless they’re going to be focused on pleasing her. The fact that they might have an intimate relationship outside of her involvement is a non-factor.

    Also I would like to add that I disagree about most girls who identify as culturally straight only wanting a 2girl/1guy threesome as a way to please their bf’s. Drunken convos with my friends let slip that many of them agreed to it or proposed it themselves because it was a way to experience a girl without anyone or themselves thinking they were gay. But really they just lusted after a girl the same way some of us have. We’re just not afraid to admit it. We embrace it. I think it’s kind of sad that they have to do all that to be with a girl. Seems exhausting.

    I agree with someone else on here. I think most people are bi. It’s just men are conditioned to abhor all things affectionate as it relates to other men. Sometimes as it relates to their female partners.

    You tell me the last time you heard of straight guys having a sleep over, holding hands, sitting on each other’s laps, etc… Now the converse of that is prevalent. Girls/Grown women do that all the time.

    • “The physiology of their sex organ, as it dangles outside of their body this is probably regularly aroused more than the female sex organ”

      solid logic.

      • Lol it makes sense in my head. If my little pearl hung low my sex drive would probably be more intense. Or as Kid Cudi says my “mojo so dope”

        …but now I have to be persuaded to excitement and THEN I beast out. Cuz I’s a beast.

  19. This is random. Someone mentioned scissoring which made me wonder who would I like to do that with and somewhere down the line my train of thought ended on “Papi from The L Word is on this season of True Blood!”

  20. I call these ladies “party favors!” they are passed around and promoted like a giveaway for everyone to enjoy….. It’s so sad!! And they ultimately give a bad rap to all of the legitimately bi or les ladies out there!

  21. I think as long as women are used/rapped about as objects only to be used for sex and something nice to look at in the mainstream hip hop community the general stereotypes of queer folks will just keep festering there. plain and simple.

  22. Pingback: Weekly Feminist Reader

  23. While my view on sexual orientation may be disputed (and quite easily), I believe that for myself, personally, I don’t have one, kind of in the same vein of the “spectrum” theory. (Blah blah blah, using labels gives priority to binaries blah blah.) I have my preferences, which make more likely to prefer males over females, but I don’t rule out the possibility of having a relationship with a female since, as I assume is the truth for everyone here, I believe that people fall in love with a person that they feel is right for them emotionally and mentally, and I want to give myself that chance should that be the case. (Please don’t take this the wrong way. Please please please)

    I explain that to the guys I know, and instead of them trying to have a threesome, I sort of turn this idea around on them, and suggest that all people have the capacity to fall in love with whomever, regardless of sex, creed, race, etc. That usually shuts them up due to their own socially conditioned homophobia when they realize, “Oh, so sexuality doesn’t work like that.”

    • Hi Soul Sister. We’re on the same page. When I breakdown sexuality to guys who’ve been conditioned to hold-fast to a binary, they’re sort of like “ohhh that makes sense”.

      We still have a long way to go. They’re willing to believe that applies to women and that we can have fulfilling intimate relations and people fall in love with people, but when I explained the obvious flip side (Guys with Guys) their inner guy-phobia emerges. Baby steps.

  24. How so?? All I’m saying is that the bad behavior of some “bisexuals” is over highlighted and casts a shadow on a group that has only recently started having a firmer voice.

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