Heather’s Team Pick: My Garbage Cat Wakes Me Up at 3AM Every Day

Ah, cats. Those adorable little fur monsters that make the internet go ’round. They lounge on your chest and purr to soothe you when you’re feeling anxious. They play solo hockey with hair ties for hours to make you laugh. They stare at one spot on the wall for so long you think a portal to another dimension is going to open up and swallow you into the raw data of the space-time continuum. They have feets that look like little pink beans!

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This is my Quasar, right before she jumped up and bit my boob.

Also, cats knock over your shit. In the morning, they knock over your shit. In the afternoon, they knock over your shit. In the middle of the night, your shit, they knock it over. Books off the shelves, chapstick off the nightstand, cups off the table, remotes off the TV stand. Name your shit, and you will find that it is shit your cat has knocked over.

And now, you can be about that feline life by playing “My Garbage Cat Wakes Me Up at 3AM Every Day,” an 8-bit browser-based video game that allows you to run, jump, “meow and cry at the same time,” and “knead your dumb little paws,” while trying to knock over everything in your owners’s room to deplete her sleep meter. It is a very good time.

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Meow.

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MEEEOOOOWWWWWW.

How fast can you wake up your owner? It took me two minutes, but I had to resort to the cry-meow because I couldn’t get everything onto the floor! (Hat tip to my girlfriend, Stacy, who emailed me Garbage Cat this morning with the subject line: “lol.” I don’t think she was really lol-ing, though, because she’s the one who always gets up to stop the cat from ransacking our bedroom/chewing the paint off the dresser.)

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Heather Hogan

Heather Hogan is an Autostraddle senior editor who lives in New York City with her wife, Stacy, and their cackle of rescued pets. She's a member of the Television Critics Association, GALECA: The Society of LGBTQ Entertainment Critics, and a Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer critic. You can also find her on Twitter and Instagram.

Heather has written 1719 articles for us.

18 Comments

  1. as a co-habitator with two garbage cats, I really enjoy this opportunity to BE the garbage cat

  2. being a garbage cat was surprisingly cathartic. i feel like this has brought me closer to my own cats. togetherness!

  3. Protip, y’all: You can use the Garbage Cat’s tail to cause the most damage!

  4. I fucking destroyed that room. I honestly feel like a discovered something really special about myself tonight. Demolitions expert.

    • Yeah, same. I played for an hour last night, like, “Don’t talk to me right now, I think I’m about to beat my best time and complete the demolition in 90 seconds. I AM THE GARBAGE CAT!”

  5. my garbage cat got trapped under the lamp on the table and then i got claustrophobic. the human sleeps peacefully.

    • Oh, you can smash into the lamp with your tail and move it all over the room! It’s key for maximum havoc!

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