Haviland & Riese Vlog #35: More Advice Column, Hollywood-Style

At last! This here’s Haviland & Riese Vlog #35 — you’ve got feelings, we’ve got answers.  Sometimes we have those answers about two months after you asked them, so I hope you haven’t been standing in the bathroom with your tampon waiting this whole time. I’ve been trying to upload this thing all g-dd*mn day, I’ve totally lost my mind, I think Tinkerbell is a real dog, everything’s out of control.

This video, filmed live in Hollywood, California, when I was visiting Haviland like in January or whenever, but not edited ’til yesterday, covers compelling topics that will change your life forevs, like “I can’t sleep” and “should I tell my students that I’m a big homo” etc.

If you’ve missed the first 34, you can check those out on our youtube channel and vimeo — or just jump right in.

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Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3200 articles for us.


  1. Finally, I have been advised! Well.. Kind of.

    I like sleep but 4 am and I are best friends. And let’s be honest, 4 am is kind of a bitch to break up with..

  2. very cool, guys.

    ps. i just saw gray’s matters -what a terrible movie! why so many gay movies have to be so bad? (this can be a question to be taken in you Q&A if you want)

      • Agreed. I always get it mixed up with this other movie I didn’t like — Puccini for Beginners or something? There was a cute makeout scene in Grey Matters. Actually I think Haviland and I watched it together … we saw the first like twenty minutes and then we’d had about enough.

        • it makes total sense. after the makeout scene, nothing worth seeing. maybe only rachel shelley in a couple of scenes, but that’s all.

  3. yeah haviland seems pretty stupid and uninformed most of the time.
    thank GOD shes getting a leg-up by watching CNN. phew.

    anyway. loved this vlog. i felt the honesty from the last question. Gay panic is pretty painful (on the receiving end.)

    • It’s a Melissa Etheridge quote, from her song “Silent Legacy.” Which! You can hear! me! sing! LIVE! on April 23 in LA at Upright! :)

  4. I had teachers with every trait you listed throughout high school. It made me LOL.
    You have to pack for the day in LA or NY?
    Marijuana stores.. really?- That would solve the sleep problem, by the way.
    Great advice, ladies.

    • In NYC you have to pack for the day — like bring everything with you. In LA you can just throw shit in the car, I guess?

      I may have been exaggerating slightly about the marijuana stores but I do know of two. If you walk in and don’t know anyone, you’ll just get confused and walk out, it’s only people who know what it is, know the owner etc who can come in and get what they want and then leave. Anyhow, no need to mess around with that in NYC, there’s plenty of people that deliver. If only they delivered to our insomniac advice-needer …

  5. I love it! I love autostraddle, if you ever need any help i might be in NYC for an internship this summer, fingers crossed!! Thanks for always entertaining!!

  6. life is full of wonder. love is never wrong. thanks for that. you guys brighten my day like sunburst cookies (life with mikey… anyone?….)

  7. Well, I don’t know about all that Christianity business, but I, personally, worship autostraddle :)

  8. Riese, you’re a goddamn nut.
    According to the comments seen here (which light my heart up,) I feel like The Factory is going full-speed ahead…

  9. haviland is so right about the moving to nyc for school — i tried moving here 2yrs ago not for school – not so much on the successful side haha, now i am back – for school = semi-successful, except ive reverted back to a backpack since i have to carry EVERYTHING with me for the day.

    loved the vlog :)

  10. Kudos for using Marching Bands.

    And I think the best way of getting to sleep is drowsy cough syrup. Seriously, knocks you out, you feel like shit in the morning though.

  11. i have a lot of love for this.
    my cure for sleeping is a sound machine [it also blocks out the noise of the people who are always walking around my street at 3 am screaming]. when that doesn’t work, i just stay up and listen to ‘this american life.’

  12. Thanks for the advice Re: moving to NYC. I still don’t know if I’ve been accepted to grad school there, which is good in a way because that means I’m still being considered, but it also makes me super anxious because I graduate in early May and thus far have no plans for post-graduation. And Haviland- anything is better than living at home ion a small town with my parents. Which is my alternative to moving to NYC or Philly for grad school.

    Vashti- There’s an over-the-counter sleeping aid called melatonin. You can find it at any drug store. It works good for me for a week or two, but then I have to stop for a few days because it loses it’s effectiveness. But if you’re looking for something to help you get back on a “normal” sleep schedule, or for finals week or something, it might help.

  13. Awesome advice girls, especially ass reaming tip. I already pre-empted your tips and came out, rainbow flags ahoy etc etc. All that has changed is lots of girl pupils keep coming to ask if they can have private convos to talk about their feelings. Or asking if I watch the L Word.
    It’s all good. (not the l word, just school stuff.)
    btw, totes a girl.

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