Put down your goblet of Moscato because we get Callie right away in this episode, like in the first two minutes. She’s the crunchy, fresh out of the oven, cheesy half of a calzona. What more could we want?
Callie’s wearing her very best Professional Bisexual leather jacket. It’s as if she’s walking down the halls of Madison Square Garden, ready for her cage match. Vince McMahon’s voice can be heard shouting throughout the stadium. Callie and Dr. Rowdy Roddy Piper are ready to throw down together.
As they walk down the hall towards greatness, Callie grumbles about being busy and having babies. A light sweat beads across her forehead. Stress lines wreak havoc across her face. It could be appendicitis but it’s Callie’s resting worry face. She needs a half-a-gramme of soma and two days off from life, y’all. Dr. Hunt urges Callie to keep lovin’ and keep fightin’.
Dr. Hunt leads her to a room full of veterans, all amputees. Within 10 seconds, it’s obvious that somehow Callie’s research is going to be used to create bionic limbs for them. Callie, unfazed, in her quest to use the research to create her own secret cyborg biker-gang, is not impressed by the veterans. There will be no new friends in her Ruff Ryders crew.
And before we have time to make up any gay story lines for the other characters, Arizona and Dr. Long Kiss Goodnight stroll aggressively across the lobby together. Dr. Long Kiss is weaving a tale of bravery and honor involving amniotic fluid to a rapt Arizona. Wide-eyed, and hanging on every syllable, Arizona stumbles over herself and her flushed cheeks, unable to answer even the smallest questions regarding procedure.
This is how you get yourself on the road to Fingersmithing your boss.
Dr. Geena Davis, Jr. is having no part of this fan-girl business. She whips off her lab coat, pulls a riding crop from her thigh high boots, and orders Arizona to get on her knees.
With a swift metaphorical backhand, Dr. Geena Davis tells Arizona that she better start carrying a notebook like a good little sub.
– and then they totally checked in with each other to make sure that the boundaries of the role-play had been respected. –
Dr. Geena Davis to Arizona: Everything in utero happens at hyper-speed and the sooner you get up to that speed the better.
Arizona reappears to announce to Dr. Shepherd and Dr. SexyBrain McPrettyEyes that her and Callie are having another baby. Dr. SexyBrain McPrettyEyes doesn’t change the time of the board meeting or gives a fuck. He just sits there with his sexy brain and pretty eyes.
Callie’s cage-match has ended. We see her and Dr. Ginger Spice Hunt speaking with one of the veterans. Callie should be a glob of happiness but since she worships at the Church of Fellowship Baby Stress, she can’t even muster a smile for the hunky All-American veteran. After Dr. Ginger Spice Hunt sings Callie’s praises to the Lord, she pulls him into the hallway and berates him for not singing loud enough to drown out the cries of the baby she doesn’t have yet.
Sidenote: I’m not buying this push-back from Callie. I don’t think she’d really be so adamant about not wanting to work or even investigate working with the veterans but whatevs.
Ten minutes in, ding, dong, Calzona’s here. Piping hot, dripping in drama with a side of extra complaints, and ready to process. They’re both frothing about work. Callie still refuses to add any new members to her post-apocalyptic cyborg biker-gang. Arizona’s mad because Dr. Master is making her wait for gratification. They’re both feeling life so hard. There’s never any time to do the things like hug the daughter they already have. Doctoring is a bitch, y’all.
But in the middle of their mutual venting session, Callie gives her best change of subject hairflip and pounces.
Freak-Out Callie: So is this your way of telling me that you’re canceling our meeting with the surrogacy agency tonight?
Startled, Arizona sparks a leaf and promises that they’ll make it all work. And to remind them/us that Calzona is in fact a loving couple and not two women on the road to an inevitable highly dramatic uncoupling, Arizona asks Callie for a pep talk.
Callie pats Arizona on the bum and says, “Keep your eye on the ball, kid. Swing hard. We’ll get that baby.”
Back in Callie’s Laboratory, Callie’s using an electromygraph to spy on rival biker gangs and see if hunky All-American veteran’s nerves are communicating with his muscles. This test will help the world determine if he can use Callie’s top secret robo-leg. His nerves aren’t doing a damn thing and Callie’s quick to be like ‘Boy, bye. No bionics for you.’
Her bad attitude disrupts Dr. Ginger Hunt’s moon cycle. He pulls her into the hallway and attempts his signature move, the Sleeper Hold. Callie blocks him, steals a chair from the announcers, and slaps him over the back with it. The referees were of course not paying any attention. Callie is Team No New Friends, esp when their nerves don’t work. She screams at Dr. Hunt, “I’m in charge and I’m leaving.”
Side note pt.2: Still not buying this idea that Callie has an exciting problem related to her specialty right in front of her and won’t dive in and try to solve it. I’m not buying this patriarchal bullshit where Dr. Hunt has to coax her into using her brilliance. I get that she’s stressed but like this reminds me of that time in Glee where Finn convinces Santana that it’s ok to be gay. Stop.
Also, mad love to whoever is choosing the music on Grey’s because my baby momma, Jhene Aiko, is getting some play. They used her song ‘Lyin King’ over the next few scenes. (My fave from her new album is Limbo Limbo Limbo and you might already know her from The Worst.)
More hospital stuff happens that doesn’t involve Calzona. Meredith drinks. Karev practices his speech. Dr. Webber dodges Dr. New Gray blah blah blah.
Dr. SexyBrain McPrettyEyes finds Callie in her laboratory and lays down the law of the hospital. He reminds Callie that she’s a distinguished member of the Grey-Sloan Memorial Illuminati and as such, she can’t be engaged in cage matches with Dr. Hunt during work hours. Callie sucks her teeth a little but finally comes around. Together they throw up the Roc symbol while Callie grinds bones for their sacred ritual.
They then discover that Dr. SexyBrain McPrettyEyes is also the Nerve Whisperer. He is the chosen one and will bring Callie’s bionic biker gang to life and save the veterans.
Cut to the nurse’s station where a weary Arizona lounges for a minute, sneaking one second of rest from servitude. Dr. Geena Davis, Jr., sensing weakness, finds Arizona chillen out and unprepared. Arizona offers an excuse, something about Moms being unhelpful to doctors. It’s all bs and Dr. Geena Davis, jr. tells her to pull up her big girl panties and get it the hell together.
Arizona apologizes while engaging in some light self-flagellation. Satisfied, Dr. Geena Davis, Jr., walks off.
And then we’re back again to Dr. Hunt who opens his lion’s mouth and lets out all the feelings re: wars and losing Christina. It’s monologue time for Dr. Ginger Spice Hunt. Callie, who’s been feeling muy heavy metal and reflective, accepts his truth and offers him a spot in the O.R. to watch the Nerve Whisperer work some magic.
Praise Lesbian Jesus, Arizona and Callie actually make it to the Little Shop of Surrogacy together without fighting.
Make-up. Flawless. Skin. Flawless. Posted up on leather chairs. Flawless. Boastin’ bout bionics. Flawless. This rock. Holy mother of domesticity, they’re being cute with each other. It lasts about two seconds. And then they’re both singing, ‘Aye, aye, aye, come me duele.’
Between BDSM at work, biker gang rivalries, and being the only lesbionic members of the Grey-Sloan Memorial Illuminati, the eternal question arises:
The pressure Calzona is putting on themselves to have another baby is stressing me the fuck out. Why do people do this to themselves? In Calzona, the Auto-novela, this would be the part where Arizona says:
Let’s get out of here, my sweet human.
And then she’d lead Callie out into the rain where they’d kiss Love Jones style and promise to focus their energies on healing their relationship with each other. They’d run holding hands to their bomb apartment, snuggle their daughter, Sofia, and sing her to sleep. Together, they’d then take shower, and engage in a long night of super-connected, body-to-body, shared spiritual wavelength intimacy.
But in Shondaland, shrieky Callie puts Arizona in a Cutthroat Kitchen pressure cooker and asks her for the millionth time if they’re going to have another baby.
Just as they’re about to sing-rumble it out ala West Side Story, a potential surrogate walks into the room. Cue dramatic music.
New Game: Every time Callie or Arizona says the word baby, let’s swap it out for the word toaster. Then we’ll pour a little Moscato out on the concrete to pay our respects.
Flash to Callie crying in Ginger Spice’s Arms.
Til next week! Grey’s Anatomy Recaps, only the gay parts plz.
What should Callie name her biker gang? Do you own a Professional Bisexual leather jacket? Will Dr. Geena Davis, Jr., ever crack a smile or a whip? Should Arizona give up her morning blunt? Tell me things. What did you love/hate about this episode, besides the stench of patriarchy?
Anyone else get the vibe that Callie plus Owen is going to be a THING? (please let it not be a thing).
Yeah… this was my first thought at the end of their cry-hug, too. And then I immediately lit a metaphorical candle to the altar of ShondaLand for that mess to never go down. If the U.S.S. Calzona goes down in flames and Callie gets in a new relationship- fine. If she’s in a new relationship with a man- ok. But not Hunt. Please please please Shonda, not Hunt.
Oooooooh yes. They were a wee bit close there. But whatever, I’ll take it over this chaste and boring baby storyline.
I really wish Maggie Pierce would be a lesbian (like the actor’s character on the short-lived Emily Owens MD) to throw a new one into the mess.
If that happens I’m throwing a cactus at somebody.
No, just no. I will rather have the whole baby storyline than that and I hate the baby storyline
During Owen’s monologue to Callie in the O.R. wash room, I suddenly started having this vivid flashback to the “If/Then” alternate reality/universe episode from Season 8, where Callie was married to Owen instead of Arizona, because the vibes between Callie and Owen felt similar during both of these episodes. I don’t really think they will become a thing, because I couldn’t see any other proof in the rest of the episode indicating that would actually happen, so maybe I just picked up on some chemistry between the two actors. (And I certainly hope they don’t become a thing because I am Team Calzona till the end.) But it does seem kinda freaky that so many other people felt the same weird vibes too.
and i’m dead. whoa, damn, i didn’t even think about this. like owen & callie can’t ever be a thing. gross. no chemistry. and he looks like a lion.
also, it’d just be as boring as the baby storyline. if she’s going to get with someone, couldn’t it be someone new? like an emotionally unavailable but mega hot firefighter? maybe Callie could take up boxing or something idk make it stop.
UGH! He is my least favorite character on his show and if they keep making Callie hang out with him because veterans, I’m going to be very sad.
DR. LONG KISS GOODNIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Also, I won’t even tell you how many times I watched “Love Jones” on DVD in college. I won’t tell you how many times I just re-watched that final kiss scene now. Nope. Won’t do it…… “I Love You. And That’s Urgent Like A Motherf*cker”.)
i’ve based my entire romantic existence on that last scene. nina moseley/nia long is my forever dreamgirl.
HAHA! Nia Long has long lived directly in the middle of the confusing intersection of women I want to be like and women I want to be with. Sometimes my body and my mind just can’t come to the same conclusion, ok?
I’m dying. I love everything about this episode. Lol. Specifically? “All That She Wants” in the middle of this. Dr. Ginger Hunts moon cycle. Selena tribute. “All I want is a new toaster”. Dying.
Le gente quiere mas!
So I get really frustrated about the stereotype of lesbian marriages not usually working out, and so I sobbed my eyes out when last season (I think?) Callie and Arizona decided to make their marriage work.
I’m not okay with them going back on that. I’m going to need them to get their shit together. And I AM NOT AT ALL okay with the idea of Callie going from perfect beautiful brilliant Arizona to Owen of all people (still not over how he fucked over Cristina). I mean, that alternate reality episode Shonda did where she looked at what would life have been like at the hospital if Ellis didn’t have dementia, where Owen and Callie got married and had a bunch of oddly white children? Yeah, no, gross.
Also, has anybody else noticed that Meredith and Maggie sort of have the same way of talking? Like a weird little lisp thing. Is that just me? Yes? Whatever, still saying it’s A Thing.
Next time Arizona deals with Dr. Geena Davis, Jr. she should wear her white collarless shirt from Fred Segal. It’s her most capable looking outfit!
Since she cannot have a Professional Bisexual leather jacket the collarless shirt is the best option
This was the episode that got me to do that thing I hate that my parents do which is yell at the TV as if that will change anything, the QB and coach cannot hear you dad. Nor can the linemen or the kicker.
As much as Calzona can not hear me yelling, “NO! No new tiny humans! Get a cactus! GET A CACTUS!” and take my words to heart.
OMG you are so right, it it totally like that time in Glee where Finn convinces Santana that it’s ok to be gay. Also, the Ace of Base touch was genius
Thank you, Gabby, for helping me realize that the thing that has been missing from my life is a Professional Bisexual leather jacket.
Here are a few of my thoughts about the episode.
1. The fangirling over Geena Davis in the comments section needs to start right now!
2. I absolutely love Amelia Shepherd. Especially after she told off Derek about the chip on his shoulder like a total boss.
3. And Bailey is just the best. She yells at everyone to stop making a spectacle of the man who was impaled by a tree branch, but then she sneaks in a selfie with him before she gets back to work.
omggg please get your own professional bisexual leather jacket and then post pics here.
I will Second the request for PBLJ pictures
Okay, okay, I’ll have to get on it, I totally want one now after hearing you guys talk about it so much! (I’ve actually always wanted one, and I think seeing badass bi women like Callie and Kalinda from The Good Wife have only made me want one of my own even more.) I don’t always have a lot of opportunities or money to go out shopping for extra clothes, so it might take a while, but one day I will get my own PBLJ, and as soon as I do, I’ll let you both know, and I’ll be sure to post a pic. :)
I love Amelia too, have since she first showed up on Private Practice. Derek has actually always been kind of a shitty brother to her so I’m not surprised he stole her surgery just because he thinks the earth should revolve him based on the fact that the president told him he’s a special snowflake. I hated that storyline last season because I knew it would lead to the return of season 1 Derek’s ego and we would never hear the end of him talking about how brilliant he is. The way things are headed I would not be surprised if this series ends with Meredith divorcing his ass and moving on with her life.
I find it interesting that Addison and Derek were together about 10 yrs before they separated and now it’s been 10 years since Meredith and Derek met. I think it would be far more interesting if Meredith can show Derek the error of his ways and how he pushes people away with his ego, since this seems to be a cycle with him.
I haven’t gotten around to watching Private Practice yet (next on my list!), so I only know Amelia from the few times that she’s previously guest-starred on Grey’s Anatomy, but I also fell in love with her from the first episode that I saw her in, and my feelings were affirmed after seeing Caterina Scorsone’s spectacular delivery of Amelia’s monologue (about how being a drug addict doesn’t mean that you’re fragile, it makes you very freaking strong) during her second episode on Grey’s.
Also, Derek can be so egotistical and a complete jerk at times. Enough said about that.
Oh! One more thing: I had a lot of conflicting feelings about the Bailey v Karev situation. I love Bailey, and I think that Shonda has largely abandoned her after giving her that ridiculously gorgeous husband, and I do think she is forgotten about by the audience and characters. BUT I also feel very strongly for Karev, because Shonda keeps fucking him over, he just can’t seem to win. And Meredith is basically the only person he has (I don’t like or approve of Wilson) now that the rest of the originals are gone (Izzy, George, Cristina) and now he’s going to feel rejected by Meredith. And then stupid Maggie screwed up his job, too…my heart just hurts for him, so much. He deserves more, and I know with regards to the board position, he has a lot of feelings about not being on that plane, because he was supposed to be…just…FEELINGS.
Bailey deserves it.
I think I am the only one that doesn’t like Karev. I find him douchey.