Blessed be the fruit, a holy day is upon us! Finally, after what seems like years of gay anticipation, Ocean’s 8 has crashed onto U.S. shores. I guess, technically, that means it’s only a holy day in the United States, but for those of you who have to wait a few more days, weeks, or months (sorry Japan!), allow me to offer up this bit of condolence: at least you’re not in the United States! Please help us!
Perhaps it’s felt like years and not months of anticipation because of the marketing for Ocean’s 8, which has felt borderline threatening. Based on the quantity and composition of the Ocean’s 8 billboards on every corner in L.A., it’s as if this movie is signaling the End Times and these eight women are the horsemen. Even we’ve (read: me and Kayla) gotten in on the fury, writing about this movie a full six months before its release date based on a single trailer and some production photos.
We’ve been passive recipients, so imagine what it’s been like for the film’s cast. Nonstop promotion for a cherished franchise and film on which the future of women-centered media sort of hinges for half a year cannot be easy on one’s soul. Not to mention the kind of promotion. I saw an Ocean’s 8 Instagram ad where the stars had to pretend to text each other about the movie’s release date and had their likenesses juxtaposed with text bubbles filled with emojis and internet lingo. How gauche! Cate Blanchett next to cry-laugh emojis? Calling Rihanna “Ri”? Right in front of my salad? In the immortal words of Valerie Cherish, I don’t wanna see that!
Surely neither did Cate Blanchett. Or Sarah Paulson. It’s why regarding their unhinged interview promoting Ocean’s 8 on the Today Show I’m saying: good for y’all!
It’s six minutes of what Carly Usdin, Autostraddle alum and esteemed writer/director, called “gay chaos,” and folks, I’ve gotta agree. It’s a frantic, frantic take on the early morning press junket interview, and I salut not just them, but the chyron writer for “A Quarter of ‘Eight,’” something l’m still thinking about two days later.
Nothing I describe about the video above will compare to it unfolding in front of your eyes and ears, so like Sarah Paulson at one point in the interview, I’m encouraging you into action by gently caressing your butt forward. Sit back, do the opposite of relax, and enjoy.
https://giphy.com/gifs/14O9QPAghwYmYTQgY0
Sarah complaining that Cate didn’t win for Carol,
I feel you girl, I feel you.
Wasn’t that the most brilliant thing ? The stars themselves cry out for Justice !
love to neg my friends in the a.m.!
Also also, the where can I put my hands that Holland doesn’t get upset about.
ahhh yes directly on her butt, that should be fine
These are the kind of shenanigans I live for.
this was exactly what I was thinking hahaha!
i love this so much, even though objectively it’s a terrible interview. i would watch an entire show of Cate Blanchett and Sarah Paulson being friends
everyone gave up halfway through because of this very reason!
The only things that could have made that gay chaos master piece better was a comment by the mastermind behind 30 Days of Carol, so thank you.
Excuse me while I go watch this for the 10th time
carol never dies
INFINITY DAYS OF CAROL
I came upon this at a time of need and yaaay, I was blessed.
P.S. I have not gotten over that lavender suit! What a glorious menace.
a vision
Like, I don’t understand a single word of what’s being said in this interview
the best part is they for sure think they are hitting every joke
Same, and yet it’s one of the best interviews I’ve ever seen
Okay, y’all, this has been killing me for weeks and this pushes it over the top. Why do we not talk about whether Cate Blanchett is some flavor of queer or not? Do we already know she is and I just missed it? But then why is it never mentioned, like, in passing? The only other reason I can think of is some kind of profound respect for her privacy, which, like… I know us, come on.
Help me out here because I’m beginning to think there’s just an internet gremlin that erases every mention or speculation about her sexuality.
ginny welcome to my backlog of posts!
She’s been married to the same cis dude forever, afaik. I assume that squashes some speculation?
Oh gosh I feel like there was a whole hullaballoo back when she was doing press for Carol and everyone got excited when she said she’d had ‘many relationships with women’ but then it turned out she meant platonic relationships and we were all like, ‘oh’.
Yes, there was indeed a hullabaloo (a very underused word, thank you). I think I even called Cate Blanchett obnoxious after she revealed she meant platonic relationships. Harsh, but fair, I think.
wow it’s like watching a video of puppies playing but also saying some things that validate your feelings. what is wrong with that academy indeed!
Wow. WOW. What follows is my series of reactions upon first seeing this article and watching the video:
1. “This has to be an Erin headline. Only she would write that.” (to my utter delight!)
2. “WTF is even happening on the Today show right now?! I’m so confused, but… happy? I feel lighter.”
3. “I would go see Ocean’s 8 solely based on this interview. I will think about this the *entire time* I watch it. Everyone else in the theater will wonder why I’m laughing. That will only make it funnier.”
4. “I’m craving a detailed, play-by-play analysis of this video. It has so many layers – I could watch those two all day and find something new every time.”
5. “I wish I could distill this video into a spray bottle, whereupon it would act as a ward against cis-hetero-patriarchal nonsense for the rest of Pride month.”
6. “Is it just me, or is the day a little brighter now? The weather a little nicer? I feel refreshed and ready to face the rest of my day.”
“I’m craving a detailed, play-by-play analysis of this video”
YES! Erin, what do you say ?
how much time yall got!
Oh, at the very least 30 days
…Which I just learned is called a lemnisCATE
So my brother is convinced that it has been confirmed that Cate’s character is (or was at some point) the girlfriend of Sandra’s character. I told him that as a gay person I find it incredibly hard to believe this is true, Hollywood doesn’t make the lead characters gay. Does anyone know anything about this?!
i think hollywood confirmed this when they released the trailer with cate in a suit sitting like a young jodie foster being interviewed
Someone I know went to a private screening and they said there was only subtext. Hopefully they were lying to me?
If I’m not mistaken, someone asked Sandra if her character and Cate’s were a couple in the past but it seems they were not. I think they shooted some flashback scenes (that didn’t get into the movie) about them conning people together but their relationship was never romantic/sexual.
The interview is on Youtube but I don’t remember the title.
I just watched the movie last night and as A Gay my theory is Cate’s character is 200% gay and 100% into Sandra Bullock’s character, but I don’t think it was reciprocated.
All subtext though and I don’t know what the cast says, but I’ll take what I can get
I just saw it and I agree
i still can’t bring myself to watch this clip! i don’t know what i’m afraid of but i am very afraid, like for my emotional safety.
have a little fun today!
SAME
oh same
I started and couldn’t finish. So glad I’m not the only one.
incredible
thank you for gif’ing sarah touching cate’s butt
literally my pleasure
this is the gay chaos i aspire to. bless them, and you, erin, for bringing it to us.
bless you kellan!!!
The part where Sarah Paulson yanks on Cate’s hair makes me feel something I’ve never felt before
who are they
Did you see the clip with closed-captioning on ? That was a feat of superhuman proportions.
can’t believe this video killed me before i could see the movie
Erin, I am also thinking about/struggling to get over “quarter of eight.”
Like, the captioner is obvs not mathematically wrong here, in fact I’m worried about how pleased they may have been with themselves about creating this phrase thinking it was great word play, but it’s ultimately meaningless. Maybe they were going to air the interview at 7:45 so it would also work as a quarter-to-eight pun?
FYI I think that “pieces of eight” would have been my preferred caption to bring some idiomatic realness to the situation, even if none of these Ocean’s films actually have anything to do with the sea.
It seems unlikely I’ll get much sleep tonight.
sally i love quarter of eight, like the time, even though that’s not when it aired. i’m happy for them and me
Alternatitle:
Root; boobs on your cube (this root sure ain’t square).
argghgughghghgghghghhg fuckmeeeeee i watched ittttttttttttt
GHAOS REIGNS
a friend sent me this yesterday and i felt so seen and appreciated! showed it to my gf: “they’re definitely fucking, right?”
SORRY HOLLAND
my guess is holland knows and is devastatingly chill about it
Maybe Sarah is Paulyamorous
Comment award over here
The galliest of pals
The palliest of gals
Much more apt!
Comment award!
BUT OK did anyone else think there was meaningful silence and pointed eye contact in the movie clip after CB asks who’s sitting beside AH and SB replies “It’s her date”?
chandra we can only deal with one thing at a time right now!!!
Gay chaos is exactly the right wording here. Also everything I want in life.
Yesterday when I saw this clip, I thought of Carol, then 30 Days of Carol, then I realized I hadn’t seen an Erin post in over a month! I was going to start some “where’s Melania?” style inquiries. Glad you’re okay.
melania wrote this
She fucking wishes.
GHAOS GHAOS GHAOS !!!
my queen
I watched the movie last night and definitely need an autostraddle recap of how gay it was pls deliver soon idk if I can cope
All of us right now:
(welp, a link it is)
ROUS ROSE
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN
DID YOU SEE THIS: https://www.instagram.com/p/BjfeJlGAwkB/?hl=en&taken-by=rosariodawson
(Not Ocean’s 8 related but I think you’ll agree that it’s worth a digression!!)
CHANDRA, HI!!!
I’M BACK AND GAYER THAN EVER
I DID SEE THAT
I SCREAMED
A L O T
(can Rosario be in Ocean’s 9, please?)
Oh, wow
I was just asking myself yesterday, “WHERE IS ERIN?” I don’t know why I asked myself because clearly I did not have the information I sought. But here you are! And you’ve delivered this absolutely amazing gift unto us all! Bless you.
ME TOO!
It just goes off the rails so quickly. “It’s called Carol…” “I was Carol.” I should probably cancel my weekend plans and just go see this movie.
Amazing. Thanks for the additional coverage of this happening, my favorite moment of gay pride so far.
I was *sad* back on Wednesday when I thought this video might only get a mention in the pop culture recap, but have had my faith in AS restored with Erin’s top shelf summary.
I would not say no to a play by play, as the chaos is like Beckett or Joyce. It needs more analysis to be truly appreciated for all that it is
Watch now! Part two in the Carol Trilogy Series!
“Abby&Carol 2018: Happy Gays.”
Hammered before, nailed after.
(tool much?)
They needed to ply down after things went screwy
Snaelle, you’re drilliant.
UH imam need a breakdown of this ghaos, it is literally too much for me to process on my own, thank you and god speed.
“I look like I died and I was embalmed” ???
Okay but CATE’S SUIT.
CATE’S
SUIT