Glee 315 Recap: Big Brother Is Watching You And Is Kinda Bored

Cut to Breadsticks, where Blaine and Blaine’s Beautiful Idiot Brother are imbibing beverages and salad while Blaine’s Beautiful Idiot Brother imparts unwelcome acting advice onto his young sweater-vested sibling.

i once saw jenna jameson take three of these breadsticks at one time. now that, my friend, is acting.

Casanova Cooper: “So, nice job on the song today. Really nice.”
Blaine: “Thank you!”
Casanova Cooper: “You were a little pitchy on Rio, though, and your dance moves lacked a theme.”
Blaine: “My theme was dancing, I guess.”

Cooper then rattles of some nonsense about the fingers being the eyes of the body and Blaine understandably launches into a long-harbored complaint regarding Cooper constantly telling Blaine what he’s doing wrong and how much he sucks, which smears nicely into an Adorable Blaine flashback — young gay dances enthusiastically like nobody’s watching, only to be interrupted by the brother, who was watching, like Big Brother, the name of this episode:

Young Cooper: “Your balance is completely off.”
Young Blaine: “I just learned to walk three years ago.”

gotta dash, kids incorporated is on

Maybe this is how Blaine got so humble and empathetic, or whatever. Anyhow, NEXT!

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Ah, fantastic – we sashay over to an ambiguous outdoor school area where Artie, heart a-flutter with affection and sisterhood towards his newly-handicapable friend, challenges Quinn to man up Jason Street style and roll that chair up the ramp.

flex those fisting muscles, agron, flex 'em

Artie: “Push, push!”
Quinn: “That sounds familiar!”
Arte: “It’s just like having a baby. Come on.”

It’s one of many scenes that suggests Quinn’s been, in some sense, revived as a human being — she’s confident, regardless of circumstances, and has shed the false presumption that she’s better than everyone else. She’s just a girl in the world in a wheelchair trying to get up a ramp. And aren’t we all, Quinn, aren’t we all. (Not really, but anyway)

Then Artie implores Quinn to ditch Senior Ditch Day, ’cause Six Flags is allegedly a drag for kids in wheelchairs.

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Back to Glee Club where Blaine’s Beautiful Idiot Brother instructs a room of possibly-drugged children on the ins and outs of the biz, like posing for headshots, eschewing New York (“Broadway is dead”) for Hollywood, and preparing for your first callback.

I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.

What happens in this scene happens a lot in Glee — handsome guest star arrives in Glee Club and consequently children of all genders, sexual orientations and IQ levels are reduced to blundering illogical idiots. It’s like they’ve got superpowers or something.

like "the power of the clam" but for boys ryan murphy has crushes on

Anyhow, Blaine’s Beautiful Idiot Brother is full of hilarious wisdom:

Blaine’s Beautiful Idiot Brother: “Gotta figure out — is it comedic, or is it dramatic? Often it’s hard to tell, right? So do what I do: ask the director. “Is this scene comedic or dramatic”?”

Blaine’s Beautiful Idiot Brother’s number-one trick, however, which he clearly learned from Santana Lopez, is that things are more dramatic when you point…

…and to that point, he shuffles the children into an impromptu scene study using his sides from a foiled NCIS audition and really it’s all quite amusing except for the look on Blaine’s face and his understandable confusion regarding why this fine group of semi-intelligent weirdos have all become drooling blockheads at the site of an objectively attractive man, if you’re into that kind of thing.

why are you even in this episode?

Blaine’s Beautiful Idiot Brother: “The secret to great acting — ignoring whatever the other actor is doing. Eye contact with a scene partner is incredibly distracting, I try to tune them out entirely. Sometimes I wear earplugs. That way I don’t get distracted by what they’re doing, and I can focus on the awesome acting choices I’ve planned ahead of time, like eating a roast beef sandwich.”

Blaine and Blaine’s Beautiful Idiot Brother tread into a public fight during which it’d be super-lovely for Blaine’s boyfriend Kurt to stand up for his boyfriend Blaine but he doesn’t and I’m not sure if I should hate Kurt for that, or just hate The Show.

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Somewhere in the Ohio Mountains of Greater Lima’s First Wives Club Compound, Finn and Puck are fixing a pool while drinking homosexual virgin-cocktails and fielding inappropriate sexual oral gumdrops from a Blonde in a Swimsuit who is probably the same age as the actors playing these teenaged boys, but do you actually even care about this scene? Of course not. All you need to know is that Puck thinks Finn should think about Finn for once and go huff chlorine together. I agree.

have a little tequila in your sunrise, little boy

Meanwhile in conversations about selfishness, Blaine’s Beautiful Idiot Brother wants Blaine to skip school and help him run lines for an audition for a Michael Bay flick but Blaine’s like, “you fucking idiot, that is the worst reason to skip school I’ve ever heard,” but not in so many words.

and I bet I could teach you a few things about hair styling

All this semi-forced conflict stirs to the anger-climax necessary to warrant a cover of Christina Aguliera’s “Fighter” by Darren Criss, Teen Hearththrob:

down with big brother down with big brother down with big brother

The idea here is that Blaine’s plagued by the psuedo-success of his handsome big brother who visits once every-other moon cycle and that Darren Criss works out a lot:

huh.

Although paling in comparison to the inappropriateness of this episode’s crowning musical number, the song’s barely appropriate for the situation. I would’ve voted for “Because Of You,” but nobody asks me what I want on Glee, not ever.

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Back in the Semi-Hallowed Hallways of McKinley High, Quinn, dressed like Paula Deen, snags Finn in a compromising position —

hey from down here finn really does look like frankenstein

Quinn: “Hey! What are you doing?”
Finn: “Texting –”
Quinn: “While walking. Texting while walking. That’s exactly how I started.”

“Texting while walking” is the marijuana of mobile-related PSAs — one day you’re texting while walking, the next day you’re texting while blasting heroin into your virginal veins.

but...i wanted to comment on the easter egg roll post...

Also, there’s only one hallway in this entire school, what’s the BFD, Quinn? And also also also —

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SENIOR DITCH DAY AT SIX FLAGS! I hope it’s a Senior Ditch Weekend, since the closest Six Flags is nearly five hours away, unlike (as aforementioned) Cedar Point, America’s Roller Coast and my favorite amusement park on the planet besides Disney World.

Artie’s hauling Quinn via public transit to a special fun-park for handicapable kids where they can roll down ramps and watch teenagers with one leg skateboard and feel empowered, which is pretty cool and interesting.

Meanwhile in what can only possibly be CHICAGO — the kids, squealing with hormonal delight, tumble joyfully from their bus, arms and legs and eyeballs bursting with roller coaster anticipation.

it's scooby doo!

They strap it in for a wild rollercoaster ride, which’s cute because all the characters sort of fade and become the actors and also Santana and Brittany hold hands, and we like that a lot, don’t we?

Also though, they’re actually at Six Flags Magic Mountain in Los Angeles because Six Flags Great America in Chicago’s VIPER rollercoaster is wooden, not like this:

this picture is actually cuter than most of the episode

… and I have no idea why I’m so hung up on this, I think ’cause I really wanted them to go to Cedar Point, like all self-respecting Senior Ditchers in the Midwest do. Anyhow!

Artie congratulates himself on getting Quinn to the fun-park to enjoy “people having a good time in the same situation” as her, but Quinn insists she’s gonna be walking in like, a week or eight weeks or something quite soon, and Artie rains on that parade with a “Look, I’ve been where you are, I know how it feels, but you can’t keep denying–” which is unnecessary and weird. Naturally, Quinn points out that actually she’s not like him, but she says it in the strangest bitchiest way possible, which’s maybe ’cause that’s her first line of defense — being bitchy — it’s what she always used before she became a Better Person.

Quinn: “I’m not denying anything. You’re not me, okay. I’m not like you. This isn’t my life. I’m going to Yale, I’m getting out of Lima, I’m gonna walk again.”

Everybody knows you can’t get out of Lima or go to Yale in a wheelchair, you’ve gotta do it on two feet! (WHAT?!)

Anyhow, Quinn turns from Artie and rolls offscreen defiantly despite the fact that they’re taking the same bus and therefore will be sitting in the same location in approximately two minutes.

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Back in the Quasi-Hallowed Hallways of McKinley High, Teen Jesus, still shoeless and obnoxiously coiffed, helps Quinn with some dropped books and offers to wheel her to class, like in that poem about the beach where Jesus carries somebody and leaves one set of footprints.

wow this must be how the people felt seeing jesus up there on the cross

Teen Jesus opines that he’s been praying for Quinndolyn, as is his way, and Quinn retorts —

Quinn: “I’ve been praying to walk again as well.”
Teen Jesus: “Oh, I don’t pray for you to walk, I ask god to help you accept whatever your journey may be–”
Quinn: “I appreciate your prayers, I do. But when you’re done praying you need to get up off your knees and walk away.”

1. THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID

2. Huh?

Quinn snaps out of the bitch-zone immediately with an apology and a reprimand muttered to herself of “self-obsessed bitch.”

Teen Jesus says “it’s cool” which inspires Quinn to tell him he’s really inspiring and would “be inspiring to a few other people I know,” which’s such a bizarre leap that I almost love it for gifting us with a short fake contrived situation to get Teen Jesus into Glee Club rather than a long drawn-out fake contrived situation to get Teen Jesus into Glee Club.

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Guess what, we’re back at Booty Camp and Teen Jesus is gonna join Glee Club! Furthermore, Sugar is wearing a BANGIN’ outfit like the lovechild of Jane Fonda, Rainbow Brite and The Big Gay Pimp. Anyhow, Sue’s got some words about optimism, birth and adult friends, and says she’s gonna be nicer. Kurt is dressed like the mainsail on a Captain America spacecraft.

via quinnswheels.tumblr.com

Sue: “I thought I was being kind. For instance, I said absolutely nothing about the implausible sexual tension between Mercedes and the Kentucky Fried Stripper. Or the sorry fact that you wasted untold millions on a laser show for yourself just so Sandbags could dance with the night school’s Polynesian janitor.”
Santana: “Actually, he was Puerto Rican.”

And that’s Santana’s second and final line of the episode!

caption

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Back in the semi-hallowed hallways of McKinley High, Kurt is oh-so-cutely attempting to charm his boyf with a tiny puppy-puppet named “Margaret Thatcher Dog,” acquired at Six Flags through a surely-delightful carnival game of some kind, which is adorable although not as adorable as moral support, which Kurt’s about to dish out in the losest sense of the word.

it's not a pound puppy, but it's the closest i could get in 2012

Kurt suggests Blaine amp up his love/affection for Cooper, just like how Kurt overcame the fact that he and his vaguely human stepbrother, Finn, who Kurt’s been related to for about two years max and barely ever interacts with, “pretty much disagree on everything” to totally love each other, which doesn’t even remotely parallel Blaine’s sitch but really, really, really WHO CARES, let’s move on —

i mean have you even gone to his website? because they do offer really solid credit reports, blaine, and interest in each other's lives goes both ways.

“You only get one brother, Blaine,” says Kurt the Up-and-Coming Mathlete. Yeah, tell that to John Wayne Gacy’s sisters. Anyhow, barf barf barf, let’s get to the auditorium for the creepiest most asinine number of the night, a cover of “Somebody That I Used to Know” by Goyte, not to be confused with “Somebody That I Used To Know” by Elliot Smith, which could truly break a young boi’s heart in a way this creepy Flowers-In-The-Attic version never could.

This song has been stuck in my girlfriend’s head for like four weeks and we both hate it.

G-Chat, 4/10/2012, 11:49 AM

me: omg marni
guess what they’re covering on glee tonight
marni: idk
oh no
NO
me: mhm
marni: NO
me: yes
marni: NO!
me: oh yes
marni: DAMMIT
me: yup
marni: god i hate them for trying so obnoxiously to be current!
me: mhm
marni: so kurt and blaine break up?
me: no i don’t think they break up
marni: ugh i have to watch it now
me: aren’t you so excitant
for tonight’s episode
marni: he’s either singing it to an ex boyfriend or his brother
i think it’s his brother
which is weird
like his estranged older brother
me: oh yeah
played by somebody famous
i forget who
matt bomer
marni: he looks like a lowe but isn’t one
me: whoever that is
marni: god it’s in my head already and i haven’t even listened

starring the andersons' pecs

Casanova Cooper: “We’re not just brothers, right? We’re friends, too?”
Blaine: “That’s…exactly what I’ve always wanted us to be, Coop.”

“Friends,” right.

Blaine’s Beautiful Idiot Brother says his audition’s been cancelled, probably ’cause they found somebody better, and Blaine inexplicably offers to “show ’em” by creating/sending Michael Bay a video which, in a universe where one’s admission to an acting conservatory is made or broken by an actor’s student government record, just might work.

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Back in the Barely-Hallowed Hallways of McKinley High, Finn confesses his simmering desire ditch The Big Apple in favor of cleaning pools and vaginal canals in the Napa Valley. Rachel’s like, “when you’re tired, you take a Napa, you don’t move to Napa.”

guess who's wearing her Friday panties?!

Actually she doesn’t say that, that’s from Sex and the City, and Finn didn’t specifically name Napa, which isn’t even near Los Angeles anyhow. Finn doesn’t know all the cities, he’s not an atlas. Bla bla bla, I hope they break up.

Rachel: “Finn, what are you doing?”
Finn: “Well I’m thinking about my future–”
Rachel: “I thought it was our future.”
Finn: “Of course it is, it’s our future but it feels like the convesation’s been a little one-sided lately…”

Hey, I’ve got an idea — why don’t you BREAK UP like all high school couples do after graduation when their dreams take them to separate geographical locations?

i mean, what if i accidentally take the N train to Queens or something, then what?

Rachel: “I’m going to New York. I need you with me, I can’t do this without you.”

What the WHAT? THAT IS A LIE, THAT IS A STUPID STUPID DUMB STUPID THING RACHEL BERRY WOULD NEVER, EVER, NOT EVER SAY OR THINK OR FEEL, EVER. Ugh, I wish Finn got hit by a truck. New Haven is really close to New York City, did you know that? I did.

Anyhow — this looks cute, doesn’t it?

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How about this?


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Oh and… this just in!!

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Riese is the 39-year-old Co-Founder and CEO of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

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106 Comments

  1. This episode was so boring. I don’t even have anything to say about it except, holy sheisse, according to the preview at the end of the show, we might have a Jenny and Niki 2.0 situation involving Brittana and a sex tape. Or it could just turn out to be a massive joke/misleading quote.

  2. Riese, I almost tweeted you on Tuesday night just to express my condolences for having to watch this episode.
    I forgive Glee for a lot of stuff. I try to remember it’s a musical/comedy, absurd comedy for the most part, and I don’t ask for much in the way of real life circumstances.

    The music usually saves even the crappiest episodes for me but this one….not so much. I’ve never liked Duran Duran, even when they were a thing and there’s not a single song in the whole show that I want to hear again.

    Sometimes Glee seems to get an idea (senior skip day! Ricky Martin!) and then just tries any old way to get it in an episode. Matt Bomer is handsome but I didn’t find Cooper to be funny or even amusing. Just irritating.

    This show was an underwhelming return after a 7 week hiatus. I don’t care about Blaine’s brother and their sibling rivalry yet it was given more emotional weight than a founding character’s paralysis. Don’t even get me started on the way they glossed over the aftermath of Quinn’s getting broadsided by a truck.

      • 2nd that. I really don’t get how in the last closing seconds of the last episode, you have a truck violently slamming into Quinn’s car, and she’s back after the hiatus with not a bruise or scratch on her body, announcing that the first thing you can be thankful for is that her lady bits are working. I mean, god forbid after such a horrific car wreck that anyone be worried about anything other than whether or not she’s still able to be impregnated (again)…

        and fuck dammit Glee, I just got that sanity reducing Gotye song out of my head after a MONTH and you’ve gone and crammed it back in my skull just so you can remain current with the charts! fuck you!

  3. I’m always in a stylistic dilemma over ‘focused’ versus ‘focussed’. (Despite spell-check saying otherwise, I’m pretty sure the latter is a real word) ‘Focussed’ makes my eyes/brain/everything hurt, but it’s much more interesting to look at. Is anyone else having internal battles about this controversy?

    #boringgleeisboring

    • i actually worked for two years as a copywriter for an australian human resources company which involved writing job ads for them, which is a genre of writing that includes the word “focussed” a lot. so that’s when i picked up the habit… and in the ensuing years, there are some words I still spell the australian/british way because i just like them better that way.

  4. Somehow I missed a big chuck of this episode. I think it’s because whenever someone started to sing I muted it to try and write an essay and goddamit, that was MORE FUN.

    Now I might re-watch selective parts just to see Santana and Brittany at a theme park.

  5. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TURN THE LIGHTS BACK ON!

    Okay, I haven’t watched the episode yet. Is it possible that Kurt lectured Blaine on how his problems are nothing compared to Quinn’s in a wheelchair? No?

    Because, you know, it’s only fair, after his speachifying to Quinn about Karofsky. Wait, there’s something else that makes a difference there, what is it again…

    I’m actually looking forward to SNG, despite the sex tape jokes. (I’m hoping the generally reduced amount of dialog means minimal opportunity for offence.)

    • I’m looking forward to SNG too because:

      1) Disco music! Sure, it’s complete fluff and doesn’t have any meaning other than “dance your ass off!” but sometimes that’s enough. Also, disco music has shiny, shiny mirrored balls and lots of flashing lights in bright colors. It’s mesmerizing in the most basic of ways.
      2) The core of the TroubleTones doing “Disco Inferno”. Dancing cheerleaders and Mercedes killing the vocals? Yes please.
      3) Brittany is dancing in more than just one performance. Maybe she’ll even get some dialog.
      4) There will be more Santana. Santana dancing with Brittany and possibly talking to her.
      5) Clothes from the 70’s to laugh at. Unless I see something that I actually wore, then I’ll just be embarrassed.

      I’m assuming the sex tape is just another Brittanyism for something more innocuous.

      Some things may happen that will hinder my enjoyment of the episode. Mr. Schue may perform. Finn will sing “More than a woman” to Rachel.

      • I don’t doubt (or maybe I just really hope) that it’s a typical Brittany misspeak joke.

        The problem I have with the sex tape joke is that it involves hot queer teenage girls in cheerleader uniforms. So yeah, there’s no way Glee could resist at least making a joke about it, right? Because everyone knows that hot queer teenage girls in cheerleader uniforms = porn.

        And (forgive me for repeating myself from another post), we know that’s true just by watching how our hot teen sex fiends pranced into the choir room in IKAG, all for the pleasure of the boys. Who looked like they were watching pole dancers, seriously. (Still facepalming when I think about those camera shots. Among other things.)

        This is Glee’s problem in general, when it comes to girls and to race. They think it’s fine to make racist jokes because of course Glee knows better, they’re way too hip to be racist! Except the jokes lack context and any real commentary. They’re just racist jokes. It doesn’t matter that they’re said by the scene’s antagonist when there’s nothing that acknowledges how damaging those slurs can be.

        With the girls it’s more insidious, but it’s just as bad. The joke may end up being about kittens, but I’m not comfortable with it because of the porn factor, esp. when Santana’s coming out was handled so disrespectfully to begin with. And the promo showing the football players trailing Santana, who clearly looks uncomfortable… ugh.

        This show… so frustrating for the opportunities lost, and the injustices perpetuated.

    • I went to high school in the Midwest (Illinois), and we did senior skip day at Six Flags–near St. Louis, I think? I’d never even heard of Cedar Point, though I also hate amusement parks, so maybe I’m not a good judge.

      • yes there is a six flags in st.louis, it’s true! all the kids who went to high school in ann arbor, michigan (where i grew up, but by the time i was a senior i was at boarding school where skipping wasn’t quite so easy) went to cedar point BECAUSE OF THE RAPTOR

        • We went to King’s Island in Cincinnati due to proximity to Indianapolis for skip day purposes, but I can attest that the Raptor does indeed rule. Cedar Point requires an over-night visit for us, sadly.

          Or I guess happily, as an adult, because I can now afford hotels and don’t have to lie to my mom if I wanna spend the night in some other city. :)

          • And speaking of that – Ryan Murphy is *from* Indianapolis, and is vaguely my age, so why they hell did they not go to King’s Island or Cedar Point. He should effing know that. And why the hell couldn’t they just go with no-name genera theme park instead of making everyone in the midwest fail to suspend their disbelief?

          • I mostly think it’s funny that Six Flags was totally ok with the episode promoting the idea that it is a terrible place for people in wheel chairs to visit.

          • Yeah, but is product placement worth causing a decent portion go your viewing audience to scoff openly on twitter? Pretty much everyone I twitter-watch TV with was mocking that.

  6. “while drinking homosexual virgin-cocktails”

    Those are the only kind I drink….laaaadies

    Ah just when I was wondering if my life would ever again be truly complete, this recap came along. I am impressed by their ability to make every single moment of a whole show suck so much.

    Also omg Quinn in a wheelchair I want to kill this storyline with fire.

  7. I remember going for a run the morning after the first episode of Glee aired, and the newly-downloaded cover of “Don’t Stop Believing” shuffled on. 4 times in a row. I remember thinking, dang…this show could sure be SOMETHING. And it managed, all at once, to be so much more and so much less than I could have expected.

    There’s this show I actually want to watch underneath the heaping piles of AWFUL, a show about queerness and family and getting through adolescence and how musicals can communicate all of that in a very unique way. And I don’t know if that show ever really existed in Glee, but I think I see it every once in awhile. And somehow, that makes watching every week worse.

    ANYWAY. Thank you Riese and Grace for ENDURING.

  8. Thoughts on this episode:

    blah blah blah Matt Bomer was a good choice for Blaine’s brother, they look like they could actually be related blah blah blah why are they wearing their cheerleading uniforms to six flags on senior skip day? blah blah blah am I the only person not on the “somebody that I used to know” bandwagon? blah blah blah wait, disco, what??

  9. The Flowers-In-The-Attic reference is spot-on! That duet was really unsettling.

    I also feel the need to mention that I grew up in Ohio and my senior skip day was at Cedar Point but I would’ve rather gone to a skate park with Quinn.

  10. How You Know You Need More Fictional Queer Ladies on Your TV:

    At the beginning of I’m Still Standing, there’s two cheerleaders running down the hallway. After they run into Quinn, they join hands and run off again.

    I ship them. I ship them like FedEx.

  11. For someone who was recently in a bad accident that left her paralyzed, Quinn looked surprisingly good like somehow her back was the only thing injured but there were no other cuts, scrapes, broken bones, etc.

    I’m just going to imagine that Cooper was really Neil Caffrey working undercover with the FBI to stop some art smuggling ring located in Lima Ohio.

  12. 1)Episodes like this one are the reason I have to watch glee on the DL.
    2)My daughter loves Somebody That I Used to Know and my son hates it and I think it sounds like The Police which confuses me.
    3)Less Blaine and more Santana and/or Brittany. Someone make that happen.

    • My mom’s side of the family is from Cleveland. We begged to go to Cedar Point every time we went to visit them. True story: I cried on the Iron Dragon. Like hyperventilating, cannot breathe sobbing. That is when I learned I do not like roller coasters.

  13. After watching this episode, I have to agree: “Because of You” would have been much, much better and way more appropriate. “Fighter” doesn’t really fit here. They should probably start consulting you about these things.

  14. I’m just really baffled by the glossing over of Quinn’s accident. like clearly they wanted to send a message about texting while driving, but other than showing the accident, they have made this story as nontraumatic as possible. I think that with the exception of the Rachel/Finn relationship, the writers just don’t have the patience to stick with any storyline for more than one episode. Like remember the other major event that took place in the last episode, Karofsky attempting suicide? I’m sure we’ll never hear about that again either.

    • Waaaiiiitttt. You’re baffled by Glee glossing over [fill in the blank]?

      I’m baffled by why I continue to watch this show. And then I see a clip of Brittana/HeYa dancing or holding hands, and I hang my head… I am their bitch.

    • My eyes were rolling so hard. I became disabled my senior year of high school, and I didn’t make reassuring speeches to my classes about how I was going to be ok and my plumbing still worked. Nope, I wandered around in a haze and walked out of my classes crying. Either Quinn is made of iron or she is entirely not based in reality.

  15. I really liked this episode because it put to rest some questions and anxieties I had been dealing with since the previous episode ended. For example, when the car crash happened I immediately thought “Noooo! Quinn’s plumbing! What about her remarkable plumbing!!?” and now I know it still works, and having that knowledge has made me a better person.

    Honest information: I don’t even know if I enjoyed this episode. I thought I’d watched it, but as soon as I began reading this funny recap I realized it’s also a very, very informative recap for me, because I don’t remember most of what supposedly happened. Did I watch the episode? Did the episode watch me? Can I even know for sure? Who am I? What is being? Glee is show. I don’t know anything. IGNORANCE IS STRENGHT.

  16. “Well, if there’s anything I like more than getting punched in the face by a gorilla, it’s a good old-fashioned Darren Criss power-hour injected with a generous dose of Public Service Announcements regarding The Dangers of Texting While Doing Anything Else Besides Sitting Alone In a Cold Dark Room.”

    Yes. You had me at this.

    Riese, I knew only your recap could express how much I utterly hated this episode. And THANK YOU for continuing to do them. Totally made my day.

  17. I was told to comment on twitter, so I am ;)

    Okay. I thought the theme park thing was stupid, where artie and quin went. It was actually quite an insulting an ablist thing to show them do…. That’s how I felt. Can’t explain why.

    Also, you made me lol. Thanks for all the lolz.

  18. This episode made me chuckle on more than one occasion which hadn’t happened since season 2 was on, but I wish they had developed Quinn’s aftermath instead of trying to make me laugh :(

    I feel like they just never get it right. Also is anybody else tired of the PSA’s as much as I am? Because DON’T FRET, there’s a domestic violence themed episode coming. *shoots self*

  19. Sorry to be “that girl” but is there a reason that the word “disabled” is spelt as “diffabled” TWICE in the recap? It just seems like once could be a typo but twice is a joke at the expense of people with disabilities…

    • here i found a good explanation of it on the internet
      http://diff-abled.blogspot.com/2012/01/why-diff-abled.html

      “Many friends of mine are against using certain words to define children and adults who are disabled. In fact, “disabled” is now becoming a word of the past. We try to encourage all of our children to be their very best, so why is it any different with a disability? Why use words meaning “not” or “un-“? That is why I love the newest term for my son. The word “differently-abled” describes him to a tee… he is not “disabled,” but he is definitely “differently-abled.” Next time you see a person that is “differently-abled,” just watch to see what their abilities really are.”

      • I know it’s never easy to cover all the bases and keep everyone comfortable/happy, but the preferred terminology in the UK (by activists & organisations) is disabled & non-disabled, those terms being reflective of the social model of disability. In the US, I believe activists prefer first person language, so will say persons with disabilities, but still use the social model as the starting point. By describing people as differently abled, you’re putting the emphasis back on what they can & can’t do, (‘seeing the abilities’), rather than society’s responsibility to become an environment inclusive of everyone- ie people are currently *disabled* by society.

        Also, talking about able and abilities often puts the emphasis on physical impairments and excludes the experiences of mental health service users/survivors.

        I recognise that you’re poking fun at Glee’s attempts to poke fun at themselves ‘we’re so pc, we can use offensive language because everyone knows we don’t mean it’… But every time I hear paternalistic, patronising terminology like handicapable or differently abled, I want to throw my Glee CD & DVD collection through the TV screen.

        Honestly I don’t expect them to get it right anymore, they’ve never portrayed disability or impairment appropriately, but I’m so tired of having to defend the joy I experience through the singing & dancing to activist friends from various backgrounds who think I’m betraying their & my own causes for a bit of primetime entertainment.

        Whoops, I didn’t mean to go on so much! Would love to hear what others think about this.

        • Well said, I’ll second that. I’m an American in London, with a learning disability. I was turned around about this by the (amazing) director of the disability and well-being office where I’m located. I’m all for trying to take the negative out and putting the positive in, but not at the sake of accuracy.

          We have been dis-abled–It’s the favoured word because, for so many, the ability has been denied. We are *all* differently abled, and to many of us, the root of the issue is the problem we have with difference. As it is with sexuality, gender, race, etc.

          A friend recently asked me why I continue to watch the show if I think it’s so bad. I said because it’s important, because we know they have the ability to do it right, because they’re doing some very important things wrong and contributing to precisely the social problems (misogyny, racism, ableism) that they’re smugly patting themselves on the back for. And they get more publicity for their mythology by GLAAD.

        • Agreed! I don’t like the terms handicapable or differently abled.

          Also, when Quinn was talking about her plumbing was I the only one who thought bowel and bladder rather than vagina? Because the nerves that control the bowel and bladder are the lowest on the spine, and you can lose bowel and bladder function if your spine is injured. My daughter can walk, but her bowels and bladder don’t function. Though I wouldn’t expect glee to be able to handle a subject like catheterization gracefully, so it’s probably for the best that they don’t go there.

          • “Agreed! I don’t like the terms handicapable or differently abled.”

            I HATE these terms. Other disabled people may of course use them for themselves but when they get presented as the acceptable thing for everyone to use I kind of want to throw up a little.

            Look, I’m disabled. Things would be easier if I could see and do math and think straight and all. It’s a DISability and no happy sunshine terminology will change that. In fact some of the disability stuff I hear from disability groups pisses me right off (“blindness is just a physical inconvenience.”) because it takes away from the fact that being disabled can often suck and make life harder and gets you stigmatized etc etc. I often also feel like these terms exist to make able people feel better instead of existing to protect the people they were supposedly created to protect.

            The short version is I don’t feel like there’s anything wrong with saying disabled. That’s what it is. A disability.

            /feels /rant

      • I’m disabled, and I’d prefer to call it disabled. Others can call it what they want, but for me, having seizures isn’t a different ability, it’s disability and it fucking sucks. I’ve accepted it. I’m living with it and dealing with it, but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to call it anything but what it is: something about my life I really don’t like.

  20. I just…..really hate Finn Hudson. I seriously am only watching this to see A) Brittana. Those gay sharks are just really worth it all….I guess. B) Sue’s snarky insults. It’s interesting to see how much they try to get away with with Sue’s lines. C) Quinn Fabray becoming a lesbian. I still have hope for that. “I’m not that into that”…come on now.

    I was done entirely with Finn Hudson as a “good guy” in season two. He’s a douche. A douche that semi-kinda cares about other people, outs somebody in the hallway and doesn’t think it’s a big deal, says the two most important people in his life mean nothing, then has the audacity to get angry at his girlfriend/fiance for wanting to follow the dream she’s had for 18 years as opposed to the dream he’s had for 2 days.

    Fucking set him on fire and be done with it.

    • I dunno, I really don’t like Finn but also Rachel is a total asshole and is being so so manipulative and fucked-up in expecting Finn to drop everything for her. Obviously I’m not saying he’s right to ask her to change her plans, but I mean, she’s a tool, too. They just need to break up already.

  21. I was pretty into all the Darren Criss action, honestly, but TWO LINES FOR SANTANA and like, what, none? for Brittany is not ok! I’m also becoming increasingly frustrated with the utter lack of character development in this show– characters are who they need to be for an episode, and there’s very little continuity or depth.

  22. Okay, the only reason why I enjoyed this episode was because of RACHEL BARBRA BERRY. Not even for my baby girl Quinn because, fuck, I cringed at the “Walking While Texting” bullshit and that was not Quinn and Artie on the wheelchair ramp; that was Dianna and Kevin.

    But yes, Rachel. Rachel was the only one to express the proper emotions following Quinn’s accident. And then Quinn said “c’mere” and Rachel cried and Finn watched them clutch hands lovingly in despair and I may have died a little (okay maybe a lot).

    This show has done such an awful fucking job of dealing with Quinn properly that the only way I reconcile this crappy episode is that 7 weeks of developed angsty-hospital headcanon was not ruined.

    #ihateblaineandeverythingtangentiallyrelatedtohim

  23. I don’t know if I’m ready to make it official but at least unofficially I have stopped watching this show but I’ll definitely still read the recaps and appreciate them/the work you put into them.

    I have a lot of feelings towards this show and the BLAINE BLAINE BLAINE attitude it seems to have adopted. I wonder if he’s loved because he’s more masculine than Kurt and even on a show that proclaims its outsider status, the most mainstream of its characters are still front and centre.

    Anyhoo, I have plenty more feelings but no need to share them. It’s just disappointing that a show that I thought would be fun and silly and camp turned into (was always?) such a poorly written vehicle for Ryan Murphy to live out his fantasies.

  24. My new favorite Glee twitter hashtag, coined this episode, is #WTFGlee, which I’ll be using liberally (because that’s how I do everything) from now on. I had forgotten, after the long hiatus, how really terrible the writing on the show is.

  25. just realized that there was literally no narrative reason to show brittany and santana walking, “fingers erotically linked” (loved that line, riese!), into the senior cut day meeting other than to placate Brittana shippers. And I am totally okay with that.

  26. I just came back to re-read this recap, and it was just as wonderful as I remembered. I think maybe these recaps get even better as Glee gets worse? Or maybe they just seem better in comparison to the stinking pile of shit that Glee is these days. Too much? Sorry, I’m not feeling very charitable towards this show lately.
    Even if they spent 10 minutes next episode on only a Brittana make-out, I still wouldn’t watch the episode.
    (AHHAHAHA that was a joke, obviously I would watch it 28 times a day for the rest of my life. Sigh.)
    Anyway, the recap vs. show quality situation reminds me of this article: http://www.vulture.com/2012/04/matt-zoller-seitz-in-defense-of-tv-recaps.html

  27. This is the first chance I’ve had to read this re-cap, and I don’t have time to read all of the comments so I don’t know if anyone has commented on this…but

    All my mom and I did the entire time we watched this was bitch about how there is no Six Flags around here anymore. We used to have Geauga Lake and then it turned into Six Flags and went bankrupt and they closed it down and sold all of my favorite roller-coasters.

    COME ON GLEE WRITERS, CAN YOU ACTUALLY VISIT OHIO? EVERYONE IN OHIO GOES TO CEDAR POINT ON SKIP DAY. Everyone. Please visit Ohio and start getting your facts straight.

  28. I definitely have a love/hate relationship with this show, but I can speak from experience about the Quinn/car accident plot line. My senior year, I was a passenger in a car that hit black ice and flipped, rolled five times and landed in a ditch. I broke my neck, missed almost two months of school, had to have surgery, was “neck brace girl” and still managed to have a positive outlook. I was in a neck brace instead of a wheel chair, but was also so thankful to be alive, I wasn’t angry or depressed. I did cry when I was dumped right before prom, but my date was an a-hole anyway, so it worked out in my favor. I did hate that they glossed over her return so much and that her main comment was some stupid “I can still make babies” b.s. A huge part of my own positivity was from the love and support I got from classmates and my teachers. More than 100 kids came to visit me in the hospital, my teachers worked with me on making up work from the hospital – I even pulled a 4.6 that last semester. And I will always remember the friends I made when I got an elevator key and became closer with a handful of the handicapped kids in my class. I always knew I’d heal and they’d still be dealing with difficulties. It was an odd sort of guilt, but gave me all the more respect for my new friends and another reason to feel lucky instead of angry. And, sorry, but my life is a PSA for seatbelt safety. Without the one I had been wearing, I would have been thrown from the car and crushed to death. Glee, I love you and you suck.

  29. Pingback: Our Idiot Brother (2011) - Nectardecom

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