Glee 319 Recap: Promasaurus Wreck

At last the moment we’ve been waiting for all our lives — Dinosaur prom! The couples parade onto the dance floor, Mike Chang geeks out over dinosaurs and everyone looks just absolutely stunningly lovely.

this is just like jurassic park, i hope they eat finn first

Then Brittany, dressed up like Pebbles Flintstone, launches into a song I’d never heard until Tuesday night but knew instantly had to be a Ke$ha song, ’cause it’s just that obnoxious, terrible and AGEIST.

the other 96 sexual positions are detailed in the official manual "do it like brittana"

Brittany’s quadriceps and Santana’s wingwoman support save the number, and I gotta give props to Glee for those props, ultimately. I would’ve loved to be a fly on the wall for the part where the dancers were informed they’d be performing with giant dinosaur heads.

one thumb for now, and another for later

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Like all musical numbers on Glee these days, the camerawork is so smotheringly hyperactive that it’s impossible to appreciate — or even witness — any of the choreography that often redeems otherwise lame episodes and songs.

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Finn’s on the prowl for a pig to roast over an open fire and imbibe via stomach tube  — wait, no just kidding. He’s looking for Quinn and hears she’s in the Ladies Room, which he just walks right into as if it’s not a place where Quinn might not have her pants down and be urinating.

oh wow so this is what girls smell like

Alas, we circumvent that snafu ’cause Quinn’s not only not sitting on the pot, she’s also not sitting in her chair but instead is sort of tentatively leaning on the sink, which rockets Finn into a full-fledged St. Finn Self-Righteousness Fit.

Finn: “You can walk?”
Quinn: “Yeah. Isn’t it amazing? You’re seeing me take my first steps.”
Finn: “So you — you … you lied to us. To everybody.”
Quinn: “No, I mean, my legs are getting better, but I wanted it to be a surprise. You know, for when I walk up there and… and get my crown. The crowd will go wild. I really want this.”

Honestly this whole scene is befuddling — are we supposed to believe that Quinn’s fully functional and Finn’s outrage is justified? Are we supposed to see Quinn as being a manipulative bitch like Old Quinn, or just a girl who want to put on a good show? Why have we gone back in time sixteen episodes to when Quinn gave a flying shit about things like Prom Queen? Who are these people? Here’s the sad, final truth, my friends: I don’t give a shit anymore.

this is one of quinn's top 5 best facial expressions, it's the "did you say you're into bondage?" face

Finn: “Yeah. You may want this, but Rachel needs me, and … and I picked you over her. Do you know how stupid that makes me feel? You have everything. You’re gonna have your crown. You’re going to go to Yale. And tonight, thanks to you, Rachel has none of that, she doesn’t even have me.”
Quinn: “We’re a shoo-in. I need you.”

“You have everything,” he says to the girl in the wheelchair — and truly, for once , I’d like Quinn to actually respond to that accusation — which is so often made — rather than being force-fed another insane Alpha Bitch line ’cause they’re too lazy to come up with anything else. You know who else “has everything”? You know who nothing bad has happened to during the entire run of this show? FINN.

Finn: “No, you don’t need me, okay? I–I-I thought going through all that terrible stuff this year made you cooler, but no, you’re still the same old Quinn. All that matters is you.”

Quinn, for reasons known only to the steely writers of this mysterious program, then begs Finn to stick around for at least one dance. He does.

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Meanwhile, at Chez Rooster Loveshack, the Anti-Prom Party People check in and survey the premises.

this could be the start of an effective musical trio

Becky’s hankering for a cocktail, Rachel wants a fashion show and Blaine & Kurt wanna watch TV. It’s gonna be a wild night!

whoooooooooooo

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We’re then rushed back to Prom, where Santana’s singing Selena Gomez’s “I Love You Like a Love Song” with glory and Brit-Brit’s changed into a Carrie Bradshaw-esque tuxedo/mormon-length-tutu interpretation that’s honestly totally horrid, but I’m forced to love it, in context.

bam bam on the door baby

Sam and Mercedes are dancing together while relishing in the sweet chords of their young love, and extras are sucking more face than Santana and Brittany have all season or ever will.

hey audience, remember us?

We then mosey over to Finn giving Quinn her requested “dance,” for which he’s dopeishly holding her hands with lackluster enthusiasm reminiscent of a teenage boy forced to dance with his obnoxious niece who keeps blowing snotballs out of her nose.

uhh would it be okay if i skipped out for a sec cuz the football game's on in the other room

Quinn comments on how nice it is, and aren’t they having a nice time, but Finn’s addiction to sticking his shnoz into everybody else’s fucking problems simmers and boils over:

Finn: “Yeah I will as soon as you stand up and show everybody how much you deserve this, how much you deserve to be Prom Queen.”
Quinn: “Are you really doing this?”
Finn: What making you walk? Make you stand up and show everybody how much of a crazy liar you are? Yeah.”

Then, like a teenage boy who didn’t just get a heavy-handed talking-to regarding violence against women last week, Finn actually tries to physically remove Quinn from her wheelchair as if that’s not totally uncalled for and as if whether or not she justly or unjustly wins Prom Queen even MATTERS, at all, really.

She’s rescued — as we all are — by Teen Jesus (he like, died for our sins, you know?).

no, i'm the best jesus

We’re also rescued by Sue, who inquires if Finn and his temper require ejection from yet another prom, but Finn kindly ejects himself, and we’re offered the sweet respite of a commercial break to really think about our lives and how we got to this moment, watching this show.

i said no hair gel!

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Back at the Anti-Prom, Becky Jackson’s pleased as punch to hear a knock at the door — perhaps it’s her shrimp cocktail! — and disappointed (as we all are) to see that it’s actually Finn Hudson, riding in on his white horse which he borrowed from the Knights of the Apocalypse.

and then finn showed up with his dick in a box

Becky quips that Rachel’s been in the bathroom for 45 minutes and probs has “the runs” but nope — she’s just putting on her prom gown, and she emerges looking spectacular because duh, it’s Lea. Finn gives Rachel a stupid flower and she smiles like an idiot and they kiss and its gross.

Look, I even shaved off my bangs for you

But prom’s not complete, says Finn, without his friends —

Finn: “I want to dance with my fiancée , and dance with my friends.”

Should they return to Dinosaur Prom? Blaine’s concerned about the hair-gel ban — he shouldn’t be, because everybody at the dance IS WEARING HAIR GEL — but The Spirit of Friendship overrides The Spirit of Bumble & Bumble, and the gang ditches the hotel party for Jurassic Park.

why don't you just put on my hat or something, nobody will know

This leaves Becky & Puckerman alone together:

Becky: “Are you ready for strip poker, Puckerman? Socks count as one item.”

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Cut to Promasorous, where three dudes I dislike and one dude I kinda like and one dude who can’t act but sure can dance are singing a terrible song by “One Direction” (I bet their meetings are never directionless) regarding the beauty of a lady who does not recognize her own beauty.

um this song isn't about dinosaurs

More importantly:

i seriously wrote "More Importantly" into this post, then went to upload whatever photo intern grace had taken of them dancing together, and then saw that the photo was also named "more importantly"! #INTERNMINDMELD

Then the glowing Anti-Prom couples, lit from within via the sparkle of miniature bottles of Sprite, make their grand entrance, only to be rebuffed by Brittany who can smell Blaine’s hair gel.

it's ok, you can do it, hair wax is allowed and it's practically the same thing

Thus Blaine must exit the room and de-gel himself, or something.

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Back at the anti-prom, wiley Becky Jackson’s gotten Puckerman down to his boxers. Puck counters by getting Becky down to her most emotionally naked spot, where she reiterates how much she wanted to be Prom Queen.

puck: also a failure at poker

Puck takes matters into his own hands by crafting crowns out of beer boxes (recently delivered to the hotel room via magical elves) and insisting they hit up prom, dressed like idiots.

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Cut to the Hallowed Hallways of Prehistoric McKinley High, where Rachel’s located Quinn Fabray for one of those heart-to-hearts that’d be better played out naked so that their hearts could actually touch, behind breast tissue, or whatever.

it's the good ship lollipop

Rachel: “Wait, do you not understand what you mean to me? When we first met, you were everything I wanted to be: you were beautiful and popular, and you had Finn–”
Quinn: “How the mighty have fallen.”
Rachel: “No you don’t undertand. I still see you that way. That’s why I got so crazy. Because I wasn’t seeing the new Quinn. The still-beautiful, but humbled and inspiring Quinn. I’ve lost so much over these past few weeks and i honestly don’t know what the hell I’m gonna do with my life but when I look back on my high school career, the one thing, the one accomplishment that I’m gonna be so proud of is that I found a way to be your friend. So I’m apologizing to my friend. And I also want you to know that I voted for you for prom queen, and I really think you deserve it.”

Alas, before Quinn can tell Rachel how much she loves gardenias, Santana strolls through:

Santana: “Stop making out with Berry and get to the Spanish room, Quinn, time to count the votes and declare me the winner.”

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Back inside Trainwreck prom, Becky Jackson & Noah Puckerman arrive with boxes on their heads to much revelry and, at last, an opportunity for Puck to bless the punch bowl with three tablespoons of vodka.

the lucky winners of the pinewood boxcar derby

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Cut to the Vote-Counting room, where Santana and Quinn are finishing up their fortieth re-count, determining that Finn Hudson and Quinn are the winners. However, Al Gore won the popular vote, and Quinn only snagged her crown by one little vote (RACHEL’S VOTE, GET IT??!!)

hey remember when we were little girls and we used to play doctor

Quinn: “I won. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted, and I don’t feel any different.”
Santana: “Cool. I mean I guess you deserve to win? What with being a crip and all.”

This leads to the following asinine exchange:

Quinn: “You know, we’ve really had the dream high school careers. Mega-popular, doing whatever we wanted. Whoever we wanted. You know, I’m really not surprised that you and I were the top two candidates.”
Santana: “Yeah, well you know it would be boring if we weren’t so awesome.”
Quinn: “Don’t you wanna leave this place having made a difference?”

is that my pen

We cut to commercial, during which my girlfriend and I went through the Cycle of Possibilities — beginning with the possibility of Santana & Brit-Brit winning King/Queen and ending with the certainty that no, it’ll be Rachel, because Ryan Murphy hates lesbians and, apparently, poor poor sweet sweet Missy Gunderson.

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We re-open at Dinosaur Prom, where Blaine’s making his tentative entrence into the world, sans shellack, and in fact he looks good — great, even! — but this doesn’t stop Brittany from calling him a Broccoli Head.

it's a bitch of a living

Blaine: “Is it really that bad?”
Kurt: “It’s not that bad.”

Kurt squeezes Blaine’s oh-so-adorable cheeks and says something sweet about getting to see the real him, hurrah, and this and that happens or something and then Figgins is onstage to make an announcement about reptiles in the toilets, and also to summon last year’s Prom Queen to the stage — “sassy male student Kurt Hummel” — to crown the new winners, which of course sends Kurt into low-level panic.

Hey, what about the Prom King though? Whatever happened to that kid? How’s he doing? I hope he didn’t hang himself from the ceiling with a belt or anything, that’d be so tragic, yet fleeting.

As was promised in the fifth book of St.Douchebag, Finn smugly snags the Prom King vote, which marks the first time in McKinley history that a bale of hay has won Prom King.

here's your wand, maybe you should stick it up your ass later

“We have prom anarchy,” Figgins notes when withdrawing and unveiling the Prom Queen vote, consequently announcing that due to an avalanche of write-in votes, Rachel Barbara Berry is the McKinley High Prom Queen!

shit maybe i could just use my tony award speech for this

Against the will of my brain and my eyeballs (that dress does wonders for Santana’s rack), I get teary-eyed during Rachel’s ascent, which makes me hate myself.

here's your wand, maybe you could stick it up finn's ass

The first agonizing dance begins:

Rachel: “Is someone gonna throw pigs blood at me next, like in Carrie?”
Finn: “Look at me. You’re sexy, you’re beautiful, you’re an inspiration to every single person in this room, just like you are to me. From where you began to where you are now, you’re amazing.”

and i promise you one day, when they melt my body and use the refuse to manafacture snow tires, you'll finally be alone and able to pursue your actual dream

Meanwhile on stage, Quinn’s ambling herself and her stunning sparkly dreamshoes into an upright position while duetting with her dear friend Santana, the lady in red, to “Take My Breath Away,” which is, honestly, one of my favorite songs ever. “It’s a prom miracle!” says Sam.

matchy-matchy

It is a miracle because once again I find tears involuntarily springing to my eyes. Then, when Brittany mouths/signs “I love you” to Santana, I die.

Which brings me to this evening’s high note, which isn’t a note so much as a medley played throughout — Brittany and Santana, although never the focus, were present and accounted for throughout, their relationship was frequently referenced, and Brittany had lines. Like, LOTS of lines!

We end with a cute prom-picture montage:

The “cute prom montage” is followed by the ominous news that next week’s episode will be two entire hours long. Jesus.

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Riese is the 39-year-old Co-Founder and CEO of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2847 articles for us.

85 Comments

  1. I wish someone would acknowledge that Santana called Quinn a crip. To her face. And I feel like crip is a word kind of like dyke, like how if you’re gay and your friend’s gay it’s usually okay to say dyke, but then when the straight girl calls someone a dyke it gets awkward. I know Santana has used slurs before, but this one really bothers me. Especially because none of the recaps I’ve seen have talked about it beyond quoting the dialogue. I just feel like there’s an ability double standard to go along with all the other double standards on Glee, you know?

    • oh hm, i just interpreted it as a super-close-friend thing, like my best friends and i refer to each other using the most derogatory ridiculous offensive language ever, when we’re alone — including all the taboo slurs in the book, including a straight girl calling me a dyke or making holocaust jokes ’cause i’m jewish. if she’d said it in front of anybody else, i could’ve gone off the rails, but within context it seemed like just a thing they do? but you make a really valid point, too, so i could be way off-base on this one, thank you for saying something.

      • Okay. I’m down with that interpretation too, sort of. Like, it totally fits with the dynamic of Quinn and Santana, but even so, it’s not a word that “should” be used, and with the many other lessons that Glee loves to teach, I think it’s unfortunate that they left the word in there: it seems like they’re saying it’s okay.

        • She’s used it when talking about Artie before and wasn’t called out on it then, either. The amount of ableism on the show when it comes to Artie is really appalling if you think about it.

          …and I guess not so appalling when you remember it’s Glee. :P

  2. Ok, I know it’s Glee and I am not meant to take it seriously and that it’s stupid to be offended by it because…it’s Glee.

    BUT WHAT THE FUCK FINN AND THIS WHEELCHAIR THING I CAN’T EVEN.

    I can’t. I just can’t.

    First of all plenty of people in wheelchairs can walk/stand for a limited amount of time/under certain conditions. There are so many things that can put someone in a wheelchair, it’s ridiculous to expect the same symptoms from everyone. (For awhile in the greater disability community there were these shirts going around with a wheelchair on them and they said “I can stand! It’s a miracle” on them, snarking on this attitude) Finn doesn’t even listen to her about HER OWN DISABILITY. I mean, it would be fine if Finn EVER received consequences for his borderline psychopathic behavior, but he seems like he has all this impenetrable douchebag armor and no one calls him on what a giant ass he is pretty much constantly. The wrestling her out of her chair is so glaringly inappropriate I can’t even believe this happened. A person’s mobility device is like a part of their body. DO NOT TOUCH IT OR TRY AND REMOVE THEM FROM IT/TAKE IT AWAY.

    GODDAMIT.

    • Can we just give Finn the Check Your Privilege Award for being the most privileged asshole on the show. So far we have:

      a) Flaunting his male privilege by outing Quinn’s pregnancy to her parents
      b) Flaunting his heterosexual privilege by outing Santana as a lesbian to the whole school, and there was probably some point where he did this with Kurt as well
      c) Flaunting his able-bodied privilege in this episode with how he treated Quinn

      I feel like Will has probably had some moments like that too but nobody does it as horribly as Finn.

      • Oh yeah, with Kurt there was the moment when he wanted a chance to try out for the football team and asked Finn for “a favor” and Finn did that straight person asshole move where he automatically assumed Kurt was hitting on him. I mean, it did turn out that Kurt had a crush on him later but Finn didn’t know that then and that wasn’t what Kurt was asking about and really ok Finn is just a huge dick.

        • Finn’s refusal to stand up for his step-brother against Karofsky because he was scared for his reputation, while the other guys all rallied around Kurt like awesome friends should.

          Finn calling Kurt’s decorating style “faggy”.

          Finn telling Sam not to have a duet with Kurt because that would be “gay” and would be the social equivalent of suicide when Sam gave no fucks about what other people would think.

  3. I really enjoyed the captions in this one. Like, what DID happen to Topless Tuesdays? and I think the scariest/funniest part of ‘come at me bro’ is that you really don’t know what it means. I loved that one.
    Santana and Brittany were awesome/adorable the whole episode. and I think they really confirmed that Brittany is in deed the top.
    Everything about Rachel’s storyline and crazy personality change baffles me, but I was most suprised that she didn’t make a speech when she won prom queen. although, really, thank god.

  4. Okay I’m definitely not watching the second hour next week because The Rachel Maddow Show > stupid Glee. how are we supposed to give a horse’s ass about Finn when we could be looking at the insane awesomeness that is Rachel Maddow?

  5. Jesus Christ, this episode was such a waste of time for the most part. I watched this with my girlfriend and we kept wringing our hands at Rachel and Quinn and Brittany’s asinine offensiveness. Rachel’s okay with giving up her lifelong dream BECAUSE SHE STILL HAS THAT LUMP OF SHIT NAMED FINN?? And the audacity of having her dress up as Barbra while being relieved at her dream being dead???? Then bringing back S2 Quinn for no fucking reason, only to have Finn shit all over her sense of worth and VERY REAL INJURIES??? FUOPGJAOPHRJOP.

    But then Faberry happened, and I was calm reading the recap until this line, Riese: “Alas, before Quinn can tell Rachel how much she loves gardenias” Then I promptly lost control over my emotions and just want to share all my feelings. THAT. SCENE. WAS. FUCKING. FANON. I was in complete shock throughout the whole scene until Santana said “Stop making out with Berry”, then my gf and I both screamed and we had to rewatch the scene three more times until we heard everything.

    JFC, this show. Why do I keep watching it?

  6. I don’t understand the difficulty in believing that teenagers only apply to one school, their dream school. Teenagers do dumb ass things all the time. There were 3 or 4 people in my senior class that made this decision; I thought it was stupid then and I think it’s stupid now but it happened. They were absolutely convinced it was the ONLY acceptable school and never considered that they wouldn’t be smart enough or talented enough to get in.

    That being said, once again Finn removes someone’s choice as to when/where/if they share something personal and private. Because he knows what’s best for everyone else. *Bleh* I wanna twist his nuts until he falls to his knees and admits that he’s a douche bag and doesn’t know shit. But I’m not bitter. Not at all.

    I was happy with Brit and Santana and Kurt and Blaine. Huh.. that sounds like Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice without the heterosexuality.
    I was indifferent about everything/everyone else.

    • But Rachel is not a regular teenager, that’s the whole point. The Real Rachel Barbra Berry would have had all of the potential schools mapped out in a PowerPoint presentation that she’d force her parents, Finn, and friends to sit through. Rachel would not have fucked up singing Barbra Streisand – she would have had at least 4 songs perfectly memorized to audition with, just in case something happened. The Real Rachel would never, ever, EVER have compromised New York because her fiance (if she’d even agree to marrying that asshole in the first place) wasn’t sure about his own goals past high school. And The Real Rachel would never have complacently accepted the death of the one thing that gave her purpose and meaning in that shitty little town.

      Never.

      • There seems to be a problem in believing that Rachel is vulnerable to her own superiority complex when it comes to her talent. The point is that SHE didn’t believe she could fuck up a Streisand song either. She does have many of the qualities of a regular teenager; infallibility, hubris and a certainty that things are going to turn out exactly the way she wants.

        The issue with Finn is separate from her choosing a school; I don’t have any problem with agreeing that it was completely out of character for her to be willing to voluntarily surrender what was to her, at that point, a certain future in NY to stay with him in Ohio.

        I don’t believe she has accepted the death of her dream. She’s been shaken, she’s lost confidence because the unthinkable happened and she has to come up with a new plan, but she won’t be down for long. She’ll come back. People like her always do.

        Always.

        • i don’t think rachel’s parents would’ve let her only apply to one school! i didn’t know anyone who did that — i knew only one guy who only applied to two schools — columbia and harvard. he got into both. went to columbia and dropped out within a year to play music or something. which he’s still doing, professionally, i guess. sigh. baby geniuses.

          i think, honestly — i would’ve bought it more if it had been julliard. like “nothing but the best for rachel berry.” some people do that — either they get into julliard, or they try to make it on their own, but anything beneath that they deem a waste of their time. and that’s a place kurt wouldn’t have gotten into, not ever, they accept 12 boys and 12 girls a year. but i think NYADA is supposed to be AMDA, and i can’t imagine rachel berry JUST applying to AMDA, that seems weird. but also, i agree with everything i already said and what paper0flowers said.

          if she truly was only applying to one school because of all the reasons you say, then i think they should’ve highlighted that instead of made it seem like we were supposed to just accept that as normal — i don’t trust the show over my own instincts anymore, not ever. she wasn’t confident that she’d get into NYADA, that wasn’t her attitude at all. she worried constantly about not getting in. it seems like anyone with a brain who has that kind of attitude would consider tempering that nervousness by applying to another school.

          • Also aren’t most people who go to AMDA older? Like, I always got the impression that those types of schools were not something you applied to right out of high school but as a professional training type of situation either after college or after you’d been trying to break into the business for a while. At least, the couple people I know who went to AMDA or Circle in the Square were in their 20s, not right out of high school.

    • But it’s Rachel. RACHEL, who has dreamed her entire life of going to New York to become a Broadway star. The Rachel Berry from Season 1 would’ve been applying to every dramatic arts program in NYC and nailing every single audition. She’s sung on stage hundreds of times before then. I could believe that Finn would only apply to one school, but not Rachel.

  7. This look right here was my favorite part of the episode.

    Also that little laugh when Santana calls Quinn a “crip” – that was all Naya and I died of sexy/adorable.

    I will never be able to stop watching this train wreck as long as she is a part of it.

      • that was the best bit. santana is so wonderful i’m a big fan of her and her girlfirend and its also wonderful when she says ‘my girlfriend’ i agree. also how come brittany had so many lines?! they give characters such sporadic air time in this show. apart from finn who is just always there. also why can’t you here inside anyone elses head only rachel berry? finn is really gross. it’s weird how gross he is, why is he like that? theres so many questions about this show. why is every episode like a weird bible story and why do they treat disabled people in this weird patronising way? i feel like they turn them into a breed. its horrible. horrible. theres like this weird magnatism between all the minority groups, the asian kids are together, the black kids catch each others eyes across the room. ALL the gay kids, all four of them are in love, all the disabled kids are surrounded by this crazy discourse of jesus, all the jesus kids have this power to catch each otheres eye. every episode i just think what the fuck this show is nuts why do i enjoy it so much. that was really long. i’m sorry i don’t know forum etticate. or spelling

      • YES. I hate that the show seems to have forgotten that Quinn, Santana, and Brittany were close friends at one point. We get occasional glimpses of their friendship and then they don’t even talk for 10 episodes. So frustrating. This show would be so much better if it focused more on friendships and less on revolving romantic pairings. (Also I have a lot of ideas in my head about how those 3 first became friends and also I think Santana has always been attracted to Quinn, so.)

  8. Things I learned from this episode:

    1. If you’re recovering from a disability, you’re somehow magically no longer disabled. So those eleven months during which I didn’t have a seizure, I no longer had epilepsy. Maybe even the days that I don’t have seizures count as days I don’t have epilepsy. Ah, to have Finn-brain.

    2. Curly hair (hair like my brothers’, mine when it gets too long, or the constant mess of my pubes) is so horrifying that it must be shellacked to your head lest your peers stare at you in abject terror.

    3. “Making a difference”=cheating so the white, pretty, talented, straight, able-bodied girl gets to be prom queen. Nevermind that the student body voted in a girl with a disability, which is pretty revolutionary in and of itself. Nope, she should give up her crown so that other girl who obviously deserves it more can dance with her douchey boyfriend.

    4. A disabled girl who always wanted to be prom queen will be more than satisfied with a crown made out of an old beer case.

    5. Glee will continue to suck and enrage me, but I will continue to watch it because I obviously enjoy pain that much.

  9. Also:

    Finn: “Look at me. You’re sexy, you’re beautiful, you’re an inspiration to every single person in this room, just like you are to me. From where you began to where you are now, you’re amazing.”

    He looked so sweaty and EWWWWW when he said that. He was like breathing out of his mouth on her while talking like hey baby I’m validating you right now. Yuck Finn.

  10. I can’t stand Finn. I didn’t really mind him before but this season there are just no words. I wouldn’t be so mad if he was just annoying, I mean, Puck is annoying too, the problem with Finn is that he acts like a jerk ALL the time and does unforgivable things like hello, outing people and trying to forcefully make Quinn stand up and yet, it doesn’t look like the show portrays him as the bad guy. In fact, the plot always tries to emotionally manipulate the audience into believing everything he is doing is the right thing to do.

    He tried to fucking drag Quinn out of her chair, AND YET he wins Prom King, has his stupid dance with Lea Michele (bc that wasn’t Rachel), gets his moment of glory, never apologizes. And the thing is, while Quinn didn’t really tell the truth to that girl in the hallway, did she really deserve to be called a lying bitch? Is it a lot for a girl in a wheelchair to actually CHOOSE the moment when she wants to walk again?!

    Sigh.

    This being said, I thought the Puck/Becky thing was kinda cute, Brittana were adorbs and Santana’s line about Faberry was delightful, but yeah. Finn ruined it all for me.

    SO:

    • Yeah, Puck doesn’t bug me as much both because he’s mostly just a joke character this season (and last season) and because the show treats him like he’s acting like a douche when he’s acting like a douche.

        • Actually, they showed a flashback to their first-time sex in the first season finale (the episode where Beth was born) and, at least as far as I remember, she didn’t seem very drunk at all and certainly lucid enough to give consent. YMMV, though.

          • Umm. Quinn telling Puck that she felt fat that day and she was vulnerable and he kept telling her to drink more until she caved and said yes does NOT sound like enthusiastic consent. And really, the fact that Puck said he had a condom and LIED about it also negates any consent Quinn gave under the promise that he had protection. That boy has no fucking excuses.

  11. like every week, this one was horrifically disappointing. besides the finnssues, can we talk about how many heterosexual couples kissed? including random(!) straight people in the background. and the only interaction santana and brittany had was gesturing to each other from on/off stage. at their senior prom. you would think this show was created/written by homophobes, not by actual gay people. everyone seems to be satisfied by a little wink here and a “my girlfriend” line there. that infuriates me further. santana, honey, you can say girlfriend all you want, but we want to SEE IT. i want to see my girls get their mack on.

  12. “I’d always planned on moving to New York City after graduation but when I took him there, he hated it, and he hated it because it was so hard to find a parking spot. Instead, he campaigned for a post-graduation move to Las Vegas, because there’s no property tax there.”

    …Jesus.

  13. I still can’t believe that Rachel-Quinn scene happened. I don’t know how the Faberry shippers are still alive.

    Also Santana casually sashaying past and telling Quinn to stop making out with Berry was amazing. I have watched that gif roughly 3478 times.

    • I think a lot of us are just in shock still. Like. Cannot process. I equate that scene with Holding Onto 16 where the rest of the episode was completely worthless and infuriating and then the end is “OMGEWIONHEIRONEIONEIOBAGPONMOITIBUVIGUIVW H9042BJ EOK”

  14. The cruel campaign of misinformation regarding college admissions that this show insists on perpetrating week in and week out DRIVES ME ABSOLUTELY BATSHIT CRAZY. Like, I can buy someone just “getting in,” no fucking sweat, to Yale, sure, AS LONG AS IT’S IN JANUARY.

    I know Glee is a glowing bastion of awful on a myriad array of other things, but for some reason the horrible flights of fancy involving common sense high school logistics sticks in my craw every single time.

  15. I really loved all the Finn photo captions in this recap.

    Also, this seems like as good a time as any to mention that the prom king my junior year was female and it was super cool and there was a total of zero people who were upset by it, and that’s just one of the many reasons I loved my high school. (Of course, this led to me being excited for Kurt when I read the prom queen spoiler, and it took me a while to realize he was elected because all the students were being jerks.)

  16. “…and we’re offered the sweet respite of a commercial break to really think about our lives and how we got to this moment, watching this show.”

    Sums it up.

    Also, the recap captions this week were amazing and the writing sharp – can’t count the number of times I laughed.

    & when Brittany signed to Santana “I love you” I died and then watched it a dozen times.

  17. Glee writers’ thought process:

    Hey, let’s regress Quinn’s character so we can punish her one more time! Let’s teach her just one more lesson, because the MILLION OTHER punishments and lessons we’ve heaped upon her poor character were not enough! Meanwhile, we’ll just pretend that FINN is not a total ASSHOLE over here and everything will be FINE AND DANDY.

  18. HEY I CAN RELATE TOO!! I had a boyfriend for 4 years/similar overcompensating for my queerness/giving up on my dreams and personality just to be some shitty asshole’s girlfriend feelings. I don’t even remember stuff that happened in those 4 years. Because it was that much of a waste of my time.

    And hey I only applied to 1 school too!

    But… … … I got in. (;

    • Yeah, I narrowed down the field from the two grocery bags of brochures, visited two, picked the one school I wanted to go to and then I applied to it. I don’t think I ever worried that I wouldn’t get in. (I did, and I went, and it was wonderful.)

      I didn’t feel like I was being overconfident or some sort of entitled brat or anything. The school just seemed like a perfect fit for me, and the admissions officers seemed excited that I was interested, so I just didn’t worry.

  19. “I could get excited about specials at Applebees and consider home ownership in the suburbs and watch sporting events with his frat brothers. It was almost a relief, freeing myself from the expectations of this alleged exceptionalism. ”

    This was me last spring, except we weren’t in an actual relationship, mostly i just thought we were going to get married and spend our time lying around watching his favorite movies and playing video games when we weren’t working at ordinary jobs.

    Thank you for telling your stories, Riese, because now I’m here instead of there. <3

  20. OK THE LAST FINCHEL SCENE MAKE ME PUKE AND CRY AT THE SAME TIME BECAUSE IT REMINDED ME OF THE WILLOW/TARA SCENE AT THE END OF FAMILY BUT THEN I REALIZED IT WAS FINCHEL AND I PUKED AND STARED LOVINGLY AT MY BUFFY DVDS.

    AND THEN THEY MADE OUT FOR LIKE AN HOUR AND I REWATCHED THE ENTROPY KISS FOR ABOUT 5 HOURS TO GET IT OUT OF MY BRAIN.

  21. Hermione Granger is to Bella Swan as Rachel Berry Season One is to Rachel Berry Season Three.

    I’m so over Finn “my life isn’t fair even though nothing bad ever happens to me” Hudson.

    Prayer circle might be required to survive next week’s two hour episode. That or a drinking game.

  22. Okay, I don’t know how it works necessarily for theater majors but I know that it’s not TOO different from what it is for music majors, which is what I am, and this makes me angry too. Like, was it really TOO hard for her to apply to a bunch of great schools (there’s also NYU and Carnegie Mellon and Michigan, for starters, in terms of great theater programs – Darren Criss himself came out of the last one!) and a few safeties, and then plan to attend some place like NYADA for grad school? They know a lot of kids are watching this who want to be theater majors, right? Don’t they feel some sort of obligation to show them the ropes? Acting like it’s all or nothing – you go to the best school or you live the dullsville suburban housewife life – is ridiculous.

    It’s an attitude that I saw a lot with the music people I was around. They acted like because they couldn’t get into Juilliard, they should apply to ONLY safety schools or even give up on music entirely, and granted the first one is better than the attitude Rachel has here but still there’s a lot of stuff inbetween that they could have had a shot at if they had just tried. I always say that’s the only reason I managed to go to such a great music school for undergrad. Because I applied to a BUNCH of the schools I actually wanted to attend rather than listen to the people who told me I didn’t have a chance and should just give up. Because I believed in myself.

    And I know this particular outcome is a lot more DRAMATIC than the reality but, come on, this is Rachel, she’s extremely driven, of course she’d make preparations for a Plan B if she doesn’t get her Plan A. She always does! The people I knew who gave up on their music dreams were not Rachels. She would never give up, and the fact that they’re having her do that is a degree of character derailment worse than anything they’ve done with Will or Quinn.

    I’m still holding out hope that there will be some sort of deus ex machina in the finale episode that will allow her to have her Broadway dreams (like April Rhodes asking her to star in her musical? NYADA realizing she had a lot of talent despite her freak-out and giving her another chance?) but it’s not like that would make what they’re doing now any less ridiculous.

    • Also I just wanted to add in case anyone got the wrong impression that I’m not saying my grad school is not a great music school (in fact I’m super excited to go there next year! Yay BU!) but that I was coming from being a kid in a high school with a lousy music program and no one expected people who went there to go to top-notch music schools.

  23. If you totally ignore all things Finn and Teen Jesus, and of course the massacre of Rachel’s character, I enjoyed the episode. Santana singing 2 songs!! I loved them both. Loved the Brittana, Santana/Quinn, and Santana/Rachel moments. Brittany got to talk, Tina was actually included in the episode for a bit, and Mike’s love for dinosaurs were also good moments

  24. I own one of the unicorns from the castle in the clouds display, but in purple.
    You can’t really tell from the picture, but its mane and tail are sparkly.
    You can buy them at Michaels. They’re awesome.

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