Glee 304 Recap: Pot ‘O Gold – It Was The Best of Times, It Was The Worst of Times

Once upon a time we accepted that we’d have to suffer for our lesbians, whether that be enduring a year of Meredith Gray whining about McMuffins like a spoiled pony or Seasons 2-6 of The L Word.

But wasn’t that all changing? Now we’ve got Skins, Degrassi, Pretty Little Liars, True Blood, The Good Wife — shows where fingerblasting and plot development meet and have lesbian sex (whatever that is). No more must we tread the banal gravel of Dr.House’s pontifications to snatch a minute or two of girl-on-girl action. No more must we accept that Marissa’s relationship with Alex won’t last more than three episodes or that all lesbian characters will inevitably die a bloody merciless death.

In fact, we even had Glee! We liked Glee before Santana came out, didn’t we? The Lesbo Thing was just the icing on the cake, like biting into a hunk of vanilla cake to discover it’s not just vanilla cake — it’s confetti cake.

Finally FINALLY! Brittany & Santana are dating!

But bad news — the rest of the show has never been worse!

So — and before I begin I’d like to acknowledge that yes, indeed, it is Friday, and this is mega-late, and I’m really sorry, shit got real this week. Due to the fact that 75% of this week’s episode was total bunk, I’ve decided to only recap the Brittany/Santana parts.

Basically, here’s what happened outside of Brittana: Sue jockeys to desecrate Glee/West Side Story by enraging the People of Lima about there being too much money thrown at the arts. She succeeds and everyone calls Figgins, who, sidenote, is the worst principal ever in the history of education. He should replace himself with a Magic 8 ball, it would have more to add to the conversation than he does as he is basically just an empty tank of peer pressure. Sue’s foiled by Burt Hummel and his band of maudlin funeral directors who take out ads in the West Side Story program.

Then Burt gets his airtime on the Sue News-Show and gives a killer speech about funding for the arts because now he’s also running for senate or congress or whatever.

Meanwhile, over in the land of Retconville,  Quinn volleys to get her baby back baby back baby back ribs by planting fucked up shit at Elpheba’s apartment so Child Protective Services will get Beth out of the house so Quinn can have her back ’cause Beth is a “perfect thing” Quinn can’t fuck up. Actually, a baby child can be fucked up a lot easier than just about anything else in the entire world, but whatever.

look, teen mom offered me a lot of money to do this

Puck foils Quinn’s baby-snatching plan when he takes a secret trip to Shelby’s to remove her kaluha or hot sauce or whatever so she won’t have her baby taken away. Meanwhile Beth is wailing and yelling so Puck pulls out a guitar from nowhere and starts playing for Shelby who smiles at him and Beth is soothed by the sweet sweet sounds of Puck covering a stupid, stupid, stupid song. So now Beth is gonna be stupid. Just warning you. Also, this:


Let’s begin!

first woman to come out bisexual/unicorn in 'american cheerleader'

Brit-Brit’s convinced the new guy’s a leprechaun, but he’s actually a Glee Project Guy, or, I mean, an Irish guy named Rory Flanagan.

never thought he'd one day be standing this close to heather morris

Finn, skulking like Shrek at his locker, overhears Brittany wish for all-marshmallows Lucky Charms and makes a face like a stomachache.

Clearly Irish is focused on poking the salami with Brit-Brit and, clearly misinterpreting Brittany’s orientation, thinks she’s attracted to magical elves, and therefore is maintaining the illusion.

this is probably one of the magical elves responsible for "the real l word"


This episode I had a hard time getting over how fucking old these actors are! Sometimes I feel like every episode is Halloween and they’re all going as teenagers.  Like for example: 29-year-old Corey Monteith is going as Justin Bieber, 29-year-old Mark Salling is Jughead Jones, 23-year-old Kevin McHale is Jason Street, 24-year-old Naya Rivera and 24-year-old Heather Morris are going as high school cheerleaders, 25-year-old Dianna Agron is Sandy from Grease, 25-year-old Lea Michele is Anne of Green Gables, 25-year-old Jenna Ushkowitz is Violet Beauregarde, 29-year-old Harry Shum Jr is Doogie Howser, 22-year-old Chris Colfer is Colonel Mustard, 24-year-old Darren Criss is Steve Urkel, 25-year-old Amber Riley is Claudia from The Baby-Sitters Club and 33-year-old Will Schuster is Steve Sanders.

BAM. Oh, look at Santana’s locker:

if only mr. piddles could be here to witness this moment

So, back in the hallowed hallways of McKinely High For 25-Year-Olds, where Mercedes is trying to woo Santana over to The Girl Group, promising heaps of solos AND duets. Maybe even trios! Mercedes emphasizes that it’s an all-girl group, ’cause she knows lesbians hate men, and well, we all hate Finn. “It’s all lady-power all the time,” she says. Also, that’s what she said. Just saying.

don't look now, but i think finn is behind us and possibly is carrying a weapon

But Santana can’t leave Brittany behind ’cause girlfriend cannot take care of her shit, so Mercedes suggests Santana seduce Brit-Brit into switching teams. You know, like from Glee Club to Destiny’s Child. Those teams.

At Glee Club Meeting Puck’s pissed about Mercedes ditching Glee, and Tina feels “naked without her.” Everyone overlooks that obvious lesbian reference as Puck moans they’ll have to perform naked to win at sectionals. You know those high school glee club competitions, all they care about is sex! What is the world coming to?

But Will’s got a look on his face like a man who’s about to stand before a Glee Club and ask them to sell magazine subscriptions door-to-door to fundraise to replace the piano Sue destroyed with her fighter jet. I mean the funding for West Side Story Sue destroyed because that’s what she does every single episode. These children must need a lot of Xanax.

yeah we're fucked alright

When Finn whines about togetherness or some shit, Blaine interrupts to share warm heartstories from The Warblers, where they reacted to losing a team member by hiring a new team member. Finn says it’s not like that here because nobody wears blazers, and Rachel’s dressed like she’s on her way to You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown auditions or her sixth birthday party. Basically Finn’s a lesbian, and Blaine’s a gay man, and the gays oppress the lesbians, as it was declared in last year’s Oppression Olympics.

i realize this isn't the best screencap of all time

“So have a seat, I’m trying to give a pep talk,” says Finn to Blaine, and Blaine’s like “uh didn’t you just say we shouldn’t turn on each other?” and Finn is like “uh, yeah but mostly I just needed to stand up for a sec ’cause my cramps are super bad this month” and then Will’s like, LET’S SELL ADS IN THE PROGRAMS like he just invented the printing press. Then they can stick all the ads together with taffy, and make a chain of taffy long enough to feed all the fishes in the entire sea.

Yes, Will is preparing the children for their bright future at The Gap by turning them into salespeople, AGAIN.

"god," finn thought to himself, "this is just like when shebar opened up next door to the planet"

Then, Finn’s super-bitchy with Santana ’cause he spied on her chit-chat about dropping Glee, in case she hadn’t noticed the hulk shadow hovering behind her at the time. “Sure you wanna help out the team?” says Finn. Har har har.


eh eh eh nothing i can say

Finn’s on a roll, so he decides to wrap up his excessive screen time with a heart-to-heart with Irish, who laments that everyone in America is a bitch and asks Finn to be his friend like he’s in a grape juice commercial and loves his Cracklin’ Oat Bran. Finn asks Irish to be a friend and spy on Brit-Brit, ’cause Finn’s got lots of other spy jobs to take care of. You know, spy jobs.

Irish is talking to his Mom on his cellphone at school. This isn’t Ireland, kid. We can’t just make long-distance calls from Calculus. Some anti-Irish terrorist bangs him into a locker thus abruptly ending the call. This is nbd however as Irish delivers an all-marshmallow box of Lucky Charms to Brit-Brit. She’s pleased as punch to be that much closer to turning Lord Tubbington’s excrement into Almond Joy. But she denies his request for a dinner date, saying she’s got plans with a “friend.”

i wonder how he handles thursdays

In the amount of time it takes for this kid to cover Kermit the Frog’s “It’s Not Easy Being Green,” and honestly it should be illegal to cover a muppets tune, Brittany and Santana could’ve had full-on sex.

However, there is indeed a quick snap of the Cheerio Queerios popping marshmallows and giggling like schoolgirls during this unnecessary musical montage:

that's cute brittany but fisting me happens in the other direction


Onward to Breadsticks, home of the 12-inch super thin micro 100% whole wheat dildo, and these chicks:

when you're here, you're "family"

Santana: “I wanna talk about you know, that thing we never talk about.”
Brittany: “That Sour Patch Kids are just Gummy Bears that turned to drugs?”
Santana: “Are we dating? Or what?”

wasn't the Rodeo Disco party that we went to a date?

Brittany: “Wait, isn’t this a date? Aren’t you paying, ’cause I ordered food! Wasn’t last night when we took a bath together, wasn’t that a date?”

Santana’s little face gets a little bit warmer, like a girl who’s finally about to get the thing she’s always wanted, which, according to Hallmark, is friendship set on fire. Tops can cry too.

Brittany: “Are you crying?”
Santana: “It’s just that I’m really happy.”
Brittany: “Well I told you last year that if I’m single and you’re single that we’d mingle.”

Santana regains her composure to talk business — Santana wants to ditch Glee so she can shine shine shine like a roman candle in Elpheba’s Showgirl Choir of Song and wants Brit to tag along, lest they separate and get depressed, as lesbians are wont to do. Brit’s concerned that quitting will fuck up her campaign and requests a day to think about it.

Santana: “I do have one more wish, I wish you’d hold my hand.”

The way she says it starts out bossy and then gets needy at the end, and it’s refreshing and sweet and all those things.

at last, brittana love has come along

Although Santana’s uncomfortable vulnerability manifests itself in things like “needing PDA to prove that this is real” (and I mean, don’t we all? I sure do), she’s still tepid about what the world thinks — she corrects the hand-grab with a quick ‘under the napkin.’

Pretty much, what happens here is this:

Good news, thanks to the big ad buy from the funeral directors, the kids have raised the money to do West Side Story! Everyone screams like they just female ejaculated.

Blaine wants to cheer up the group and thought he’d do so by performing a song about “last Friday night.” This kid’s got a good memory. So the music begins and Blaine begins singing with an enthusiasm that makes me worry his eyes could pop out of his skull or he could jump too high and hit the ceiling. What a feeling!

Get this — everyone else joins him! Yup! They’re all so energized and inspired by this shitty pop song and how color-coordinated everyone is today that every other child in the room also leaps to their feet, reveling in the joy of song and the joy of dance! The pure bliss of dancing and singing! Everyone in the whole room! It’s wild. The entire room of kids, just singing and dancing like that. Hot damn.

Except Santana, who broods in the bleachers, ’cause now that Brittany and Santana are a lesbian couple, they’ve lost their right to marry and also their right party. Now they’ll have to fight for their right to party, like The Beastie Boys.

exactly like this

Back in the hallway, Santana corners Irish to ensure he understands that he’s gotta convince Brit-Brit to quit Glee and be in The Pussycat Dolls with her. She really admired his work with the marshmallows.

listen you can't wear that shirt. you just can't. you're on television, for god's sake.


Irish, in his shirt, sits down for a one-on-one with Brit, who was busy in her room staring at her fingernails and wondering if they were short enough.

the costume of the day is "teenage christmas"

Brittany starts talking about feces again and Irish breaks it to her that Santana’s one wish is for Brit to leave New Directions in favor of Petra, Paula and Mary. Brittany feels torn, just like her hymen. But ultimately she consents to the higher power and agrees to flee Glee.


Finn, who clearly woke up on the wrong side of the futon earlier this week and hasn’t napped since, godzillas his way over to The Cutest Couple of All Time to start trouble, and by that I mean “telling Brittany that Rory is not a real leprechaun.” Then Finn calls Brittany an idiot and she says he’s a bully and she’s quitting Glee Club for The Violent Femmes.

watermelon? watermelon. watermelon...

Brittany & Santana chum up to Mercedes to ask her about being an erotic third, but then they get nervous and instead tell her they’re joining The Dixie Chicks.


Santana and Brit arrive at rehearsal to find Mummata dancing like Nancy Grace and singing like me, and Santana promptly lays the smack down like a motherfucking pancake with peanut butter on it, because that’s Santana’s special recipe.

Santana: “Okay, I did not just leave one diva-driven glee club to join another. So let me write you a reality check, richy bitch. I’ve seen what you can do, and what you can do is stand in the back, and sway, and sing very, very quietly.”
Sugar: “I just wanted to be on the winning team for once.”
Mercedes: “So just turn down the ‘tude, and you will be.”

and p.s. -- we're here, we're queer, get used to it.

So there goes that problem. Glee creates and solves problems so fast. It should have a Mathnet edition. Then Shelby, who’s been standing approximately two feet away from the girls, suddenly springs to life like the motherfucking Hall of Presidents, announcing vacantly that the team needs a NAME. A name that reflects who they really are. And All-4-One has already been taken, so.

They pick Troubletones and giggle like a bunch of sexy nincompoops. Then they launch into a delightful Candyman performance which is a perfect demonstration of how the world would be so much better if the 1% just handed their shit over to the lesbians and black people.

“This is trouble,” says Finn. Will says, “big trouble.” Biggggg trouble.


Next week on Glee, everybody will be having sex for the first time except for Santana and Brittany, because of the patriarchy.

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Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3178 articles for us.


  1. G-ddangit how I love your Glee recaps! So snarky. So delightful.

    (though, not to pick nits, I think Santana and Brittany have already crossed the “having sex for the first time” bridge. You’re probably, infuriatingly right that they won’t be part of the onscreen action next week, of course – patriarchy!)

  2. You’re such a troublemaker, doing a Glee recap. Fuckthis. *giggle*

    The Rory story *snicker* seemed utterly pointless, other than to get the Glee project winner(?) some air time. I hated, hated, hated “It’s not easy being green”. It was just dumb and lazy. He does have great hair though.

    Quinn is completely off her rocker but I think it’s playing off last year’s confession that she doesn’t think she’s ever going to get out of Lima or do anything significant with her life. Beth comes back into her life and she grabs onto the one good thing she thinks she’s ever done. She’s always been desperate to be on top *snort* and achieve perfection, now she’s gone down the cray-cray path. This is probably terrible to say but I hope she has some kind of breakdown so this storyline has some payoff.
    The Puck thing with Shelby is just….ucky. I don’t think that’s a word but I’m using it anyway.

    I wish Burt Hummel was my dad.

    My only complaint with “Candyman” is that it wasn’t long enough, it was the only musical number I really enjoyed.
    I am glad that it was Brit that stood up for herself against Finn and not Santana having to do it for her. Lord Tubbington seems to have grown into a small dog, probably from all that Arby’s and producing candy from his colon.

  3. I think you spelling Brittany’s name like my name is unfortunately the closest I will ever get to dating Santana Lopez.

  4. It was a date because Santana was paying and Brittany ordered shrimp. Is that how one tells that they’re on a date?

  5. “Then they launch into a delightful Candyman performance which is a perfect demonstration of how the world would be so much better if the 1% just handed their shit over to the lesbians and black people.”

    best line ever lol

  6. I feel like we should have a ‘Brittany moment’ meme.

    Unfortunately, I really wasn’t all that impressed with Ali Adler’s writing and the bitchy lines Santana spat out weren’t as biting as they have been in the past.

    I discussed the scene at Breadstix with my dad the other day, and my dad pointed out how Brittany didn’t seem to grasp how meaningful the “I want you you to hold my hand” moment was for Santana in terms of her becoming more comfortable with her sexuality.
    I know that all the characters are caricatures but Brittany is such a huge caricature that I find it difficult to see her as a real character sometimes. But then I also thought the other day…Brittany has always said that she loves to dance. And obviously she likes being in the Glee club. And I think dance and singing are her favorite modes of expression. Combine that with the fact that she gets told she’s dumb and an idiot often by her peers,

    • As a die-hard Brittany fan, I’m fully convinced of her non-normative intelligence and ability to have profound thoughts and feelings. That being said, I agree with your “Brittany is such a huge caricature” – at least to the writers this season, who have chosen to strip her of the clarity she seemed to have at the end of last season.

      We know Britt loves Santana, we’ve seen her express herself clearly, so WHY won’t they let her do that this season? I want some serious feelings exchange between Britt and Santana!

      So many Brittana feelings.

      • could not agree more. i’m so unsatisfied by the “if you’re single and i’m single then we’d mingle” line. it just seemed to trivialize all the emotional growth they achieved towards the end of last season. “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone else in this world.” “I believe in you, Santana.” I don’t know. I still loved the scene, which was saved by the adorable hand-holding exchange, but they really squandered an opportunity for a truly GREAT scene.

    • i actually secretly am totally not into just how dumb brittany is. i feel like everyone loves heather morris’s deadpan stupid lines, but i buy it less and less every week, like it’s just getting ridiculous. sometimes it’s really funny and it matters, like her lines serve to poke fun at the ridiculousness of a situation or to comment on some other element of the plot, but sometimes it seems like they’re just there because the glee team knows that it’ll get a lot of reblogs, not because it makes sense or is necessary.

      • Agreed. I’m over the way they’re portraying her, ESPECIALLY now that she’s had some really insightful moments. It’s getting more and more difficult to buy her ridiculousness. (I am pro-Brittany’s-one-liners, but anti-Brittany-having-the-gullibility-of-a-five-year-old.)

  7. Sorry for the double post it suddenly posted it before I had finished.

    My dad pointed out that other than Mike, we don’t really know how they do academically. And it’s possible that Brittany is doing absolutely fine academically, with her just not being that articulate verbally and also being pretty flighty.

  8. God, Riese, I want to marry the alt text on these photos. It is really not cool to make me laugh out loud in the middle of work when my co-workers are finally being quiet for once.

  9. C’mon, a chocolate bar sitting on cat litter which is then EATEN?!? (the chocolate bar is eaten, not the cat litter but you know what I MEAN!!!) I don’t care if the stuff’s fresh out of the bag, that’s just a heapin’ helpin’ of barf-aroonie…

  10. I looooooved the recap. I especially agree with your suggestion about what the 1% should do with all of their assets, and I suggest we bring that suggestion to the next OWS general assembly :)

    However, I’m pissed that Glee had the gall to tell us that Brittany and Santana took a fucking bath together but the only action we get to see is some tepid hand holding!!!! Seriously?!

  11. This is the only reason I still watch this piece of crap. Also Brittana.


  12. I don’t think I’ve watched Glee since the first ep of the season aired. Although now I may have to youtube Candyman.

  13. (For some reason I can’t log in, this is me, I swear.)

    You made that screencap of Lea Michele because her bitch-face there was FABULOUS.

    My favorite Santana line of the night was, “Let me write you a reality check, richie bitch.” And then Sugar spent the next 30 seconds staring at Santana’s boobs. SHIP ALLLLL THE PAIRINGS.

  14. I’m really upset that I can’t gay marry Intern Grace’s alt text.

    That’s probably the patriarchy’s fault too.

  15. “candy man” seems like a perfectly appropriate song for high schoolers to sing.

    this show is “heroing”


  16. I really like how they were like, “We’re gonna make Quinn awesome and better than ever!” and then…”Oh wait just kidding, we’re gonna make her worse than ever and completely irrelevant to the rest of the show.”

    Am I um…sensing a possible spin off here with this 2nd glee club? Or maybe an entirely new vibe? Maybe Will is leaving next year with the seniors and this will be the new Glee? I feel like the show is getting even messier with it for the time being. I do love Vanessa Lengies (Sugar) though! She was my favorite character in the movie “Stick it.”

    Also, re Britney/Santana – “Yay, we’re finally dating! Girl lovin’ fo real! Let’s join a new Glee club and sing a song about a guy and his crotch!” That said I still enjoyed the performance.

    Perhaps there’s an upcoming episode where they cover Ani Difranco’s “Two Little Girls” in an upbeat silly fashion with an awesome dance number. Oooh, or maybe Swan Dive! Yeah, drammmaaa.

    (I would actually enjoy that most likely even though I was joking)

  17. WTF was that whole thing about Burt having to move to Washington, D.C.? Like what the fuck kind of office are Sue and Burt running for? Lima School Board or some kind of super local city council position is the only thing that would make even remote sense. WHAT THE FUCK THIS SHOW MAKES NO SENSE. WHO IS WRITING THIS.

      • it still makes no sense to me…this random dude goes on local teevee and makes a little speech about funding the arts and now he’s going to win the congressional seat as a write-in candidate? like the idiot hummel-hudson clan is already planning a move to washington? aren’t there candidates other than sue?

        • Yeah, I mean, I know that running for House, since it’s a smaller group of people to impress, doesn’t necessarily require an established big name the way running for Senator or Governor usually does, but the idea that the two main candidates in a Congressional race are not affiliated with a major political party (at least, I think Sue started her own weird party, right?) – and one is a write-in candidate, for Pete’s sake – is ridiculous. I hope they resolve it by suddenly introducing the actual Democratic and Republican candidates and having one of them win. Actually, that’s probably what will happen, since it’s not like they’re really going to write Sue or Kurt off the show. Of course, this being Glee, it will probably have some Hallmark moment where the Dem/Rep winner goes on about how much Burt’s campaign inspired him/her.

  18. okay, so I’m almost okay with the fact that on PLL Emily only ever gets little kisses with her girlfriends while all her straight friends have SUPER ROMANTIC MAKE OUT SESSIONS with their boyfriends… it’s probably a straight VS gay audiences thing, probably.

    but lesbian relationships being marginalized on Glee?! never mind that Rachel/Finn, Finn/Quinn, Brittany/Artie have big scenes and constant PDA (they are/were the straight couples,) but even Blaine and Kurt get all these HUGE, ROMANTIC scenes. season finale last year, Kurt got his prom queen dance with Blaine, at the end of the episode, they say “I love you” to each other. in the last few episodes, Blaine & Kurt are basically SUPER lovey-dovey. it’s basically the KURT show. (btw, Santana is much, much better a singer than Kurt, who really only has a lackluster falsetto to show for – just throwing that out there). but what irks me is that with Santana and Brittany, it’s always made out to be like “it’s no big deal, just girls making out, nothing serious.” yes, I get that Santana is not out, but come on, even the leprechaun got TWO kisses on the cheek! Santana gets a hand hold under the napkin? couldn’t they film a scene that was in private? what happened to the great writing for the locker scene, the “Songbird” scene, etc?

    the fact that Santana is using Brittany’s cluelessness also indicates that she doesn’t really care for her, which actually is much worse than Finn insulting Brittany to her face because at least he had an honest moment AND felt bad + apologized for it afterwards. I expected more from the writers who have painted Santana as being head over heals for Brittany.

    I don’t evn know why I’m so worked up about some fake lesbian/bisexual characters on this joke of a show… I guess I’m just getting fed up with lesbian relationships always being portrayed as trivial and non-sexual/passionate, at least on Grey’s (before the Mark-baby storyline), Arizona and Callie had great sex.

    • i don’t know that it shows that santana doesn’t care for brittany. i think it’s more that santana is a desperate coward. also, i know it doesn’t make it any better in terms of what santana did, going behind brittany’s back, but when brittany realized that leprechauns aren’t real, she didn’t decide to quite the Troubletones and return to Nude Erections.

  19. *hugs* thanks for a great re-cap while i’m bored at workstudy and procrastinating homework. Thank you sooooo much :D

  20. also, Blaine Anderson is super attractive on this show. I know everyone hates his outfits and hats but I LOVE IT!

  21. What did you mean when you said “Santana (…) wants Brit to tag along, lest they separate and get depressed, as lesbians are wont to do.”? Are lesbians like super dependent on their couples or something like that?

    • My psych textbook carefully phrases this happening as “lesbian couples may have trouble being differentiated from one another.”

  22. By the time BritBrit and Santana finally kiss on screen I’ll be like “oh yea, they’re making out again” because I’ve been waiting for it to happen for over a year and it’s just SHOCKING they haven’t already. At this point in my brain, they’re gay married and living together in a lesbian colony in Upstate NY with Lord Tubbington already.

    That being said, I will not turn it down when it finally happens.

  23. “Next week on Glee, everybody will be having sex for the first time except for Santana and Brittany, because of the patriarchy.”

    I lost my shit at this line. Well done.

  24. Sigh. Glee has basically ruined my life. They created this perfect couple for me to fall in love with, all through tiny background moments, and then as they gradually gave them more attention and I got happier they made the writing worse and worse until it was barely watchable. I can only imagine this is some sort of specific torture that will end in me dying bitter and alone.

  25. This show is soooooo bad, glad the ratings are going downhill.

    Why don’t you talk about the lesbian relationship in the Spanish Tv show “Tierra de Lobos”, Isabel and Cristina, that’s an interesting relationship not Brittania.

  26. WordVomitTime:

    -I’m Black, but I’ve grown to dislike Mercedes. I think she’s one of those chracters who’s still figuring herself out, which is cool, but I tend to like people once they’re centered. Like after Santan told Suga Motta to have a seat why did Mercedes bust in? That’s not even her lane. Leave the mean witticism to Santana. Idk felt forced.

    -I like Quinn and I wish they would stop writing her like a sociopath who lacks reason.

    -Rachel didn’t annoy me this episode.

    -I never liked the Warblers so my mind went numb during that whole Katy number starring Blaine.

    -I know people hate Rory, but I found him endearing and…

    – I find him perfect for Brittany. HEAR ME OUT. I’m in the minority where I don’t like Brit and Santana as a romantic couple, but I ADORE them as the cutest bffl’ship ever. I like Santana as a gay character and it makes sense and seems natural for her, but for Brittany it feels forced. Like even the date felt more of a gravitas moment for Santana than it did Brittany. And idk. I want Santana to be with someone who feels just as intensely for her as she does them. I get the vibe that Santana is IN LOVE with Brittany and Brittany LOVES Santana and since Brit is pretty fluid she’ll go along with it because she knows how much it means to Santana.

    Hell Quinn and Santana make a better couple to me. They’re both moody and intense. Not that ppl have to be alike to get along, but I say keep Santana/Britt as besties and bring on a hott love interest for Santana. Like Claire Holt for instance. She is killing it as Rebekeh on Vampire Diaries and she totally dated Emily Fields before that. :) Or even Lauren London. She was a lesbian on 90210 for a quick second and she needs a j-o-b.

    • Preach, preach. Quinn has gone batshit crazy to the point where I’m embarrassed to be infatuated with such a character, and I’ve never liked Brittana. I’m alllllll up for Quintana.

      (I think the Irish kid is fucking creepy as hell)

      • It really bugs me what they’ve done with Quinn, because she’s always had so much potential to be a great character. And I liked at the beginning of the season that they were finally going to acknowledge that one doesn’t go through 9 months of being a pregnant teenager and then just skip right back into the life they had before the pregnancy.

        But this is really, really not the way to do it. Pro-adoption groups are getting riled up and rightfully so; all it seems to do is demonize open adoptions. And now with Puck hooking up with Shelby – I get he’s into older women, but it seems weird that she’s giving into it, couldn’t he just do a nice thing and be done with it? – I just don’t know what to make of this. Glee writers sure do know how to take something with a lot of potential and just blatantly ignore it for something ridiculous.

        • I’m also pretty sure that it would take more than hot sauce to get Shelby disqualified as a caretaker and then, what, 2 weeks for the baby to get back to Quinn?? If the storyline is that important, don’t make Quinn act like a crack addict to get the baby – make her go through all the realistic steps and GROWTH as an individual rather than just snatch the baby and run away cackling.

          • I’m not sure how adoption law works in the States, but is it actually possible to get your baby back once it has been adopted?

    • I agree, I think Brittany wants to do what makes Santana happy but I don’t think she’s in love with her. It’s a bit sad.

      And Rory creeped me out, but mostly because I’m Irish and found the green shirts vomitous (fact: most Irish people don’t have the skin tone to pull of green, and the guy who plays Rory is one of them!).

  27. I’m getting bad feelings about the next episode, because it looks like yet another case where the boys all want sex, but the one girl, Rachel, isn’t sure if she’s ready and she’s asking the Celibacy Club for advice. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with being ready, but just like in “Like a Virgin,” why does the issue of who ends up doing it and who doesn’t always divide along such strict gender lines? Whatever happened to the Rachel in season 1 who proudly told off the Celibacy Club with “girls want sex as much as guys do”?

    • I am, however, looking forward to Santana’s vicious, vicious words about Finn’s lack of sexual prowess.

  28. “Then they launch into a delightful Candyman performance which is a perfect demonstration of how the world would be so much better if the 1% just handed their shit over to the lesbians and black people.”

    I just laughed until there were tears, and I’m not even sure why.

  29. this is the best screencap of all time. oh and “thats cute brittany but fisting me happens in the other direction” made my entire life complete

  30. Maybe Santana and Brittany don’t necessarily need more physical interaction next episode. They have had more physical contact than any couple on the show – gay and straight. They had a bath together after all – at least according to Brit-Brit.

    Nice recap! Absolutely hilarious!

  31. “because of the patriarchy”. watching this episode was almost worth it to read this recap, much like every episode of the real l word, ever.

    one thing though and i absolutely hate being the annoying pedantic asshole who points it out…. but it’s “Elphaba”, not “Elpheba”. my not-really-inner idina fangirl can’t let that slide.

    also, did anyone else feel like this was kind of anti-climatic? kurt/blaine get together and everything comes up roses and sunshine and hooplah, but all brittany and santana get is, “oh but wasn’t that already happening?”
    this is why i need to stop expecting stuff from a show that can’t spell continuity or quality to save its life.

    • The date wasn’t that anti-climatic for me because unlike Blaine & Kurt, Santana and Brittany have been together more or less since the inception of the show.

      I’m sure Brit/Santana will have their kissyface episode before the season is over. I just hope Quinn isn’t committed before it happens. She’s totally Girl, Interrupted /Losing Isaiah all in one. At the rate she’s going she’s getting institutionalized somewhere.

  32. Way to perpetuate the “Irish people always wear green” stereotype I’ve been fighting against my whole life. Jeez Glee.

    Also, isn’t there always some big thing about needing enough people in new directions? Four people does not a viable group make.

    Will not be happy until Brittana bone on screen.

    • Not to mention that Damian McGinty is from Northern Ireland, not Ireland… these stereotypes are not even really his. (Ryan Murphy and Ian Brennan, I’m looking at you and your Irish last names and judging you for not knowing more about your own history.)

      • Um, well I was kinda being sarcastic because I’m Irish but I wasn’t actually born in Ireland.

        Also, just because you’re from Northern Ireland doesn’t mean you don’t identify as Irish.

        There is a complicated history.

    • The idea was that he was supposed to be playing up the green wearing himself as part of his “I’m leprechaun” scam to get in Britt’s pants.

      • I’m currently watching the glee project and he is only wearing green on that show also.

        It’s weirding me out.

  33. Also why is everyone so upset about the Irish representation? It’s Glee.

    Mercedes -> One note of sass for 3 seasons. I won’t start with Uncle Tom characters, but I could.
    Santana -> Lima Heights adjacent Spanglish aficionado.
    Rachel -> JAP
    Finn -> Not all middle American white guys are bland and average.
    Kurt -> There’s nothing wrong with being a ball of fantastic, but he’s a fist full of glitter.

    They stereotype everything and everyone. I wouldn’t get so riled up over it. Plus Rory was playing up his Lucky Charmism to have a shot at Brittany.

  34. Re the ‘how about the first time for Brittany and Santana’, acutally we know already that it is hardly the first time for them. I liked that we got a sense of how much Santana appreciates Brit in this ep.

    Liked Finn because he is being set up as a nice foild for Santana which should be epic (and he is so much better than Will and Puck IMO).

    • yes, it would be terrible for glee to break its commitment to continuity

      (but honestly, i meant that everyone would have sex except for them, though i realize gramatically it looks like i’m saying everyone has sex for the first time except for them, and i feel like i don’t know enough english to say it right)

  35. This is the episode that made me realize Glee just sucks really, really hard and no, despite my hopes, it just isn’t going to get better. Ugh.

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