15 Lesbian or Otherwise-Inclined Girls Need Advice. Your Advice.

Last night I had 240 questions on formspring and I answered like at least ~100 of them, most of which I also published on autostraddle tumblr. (Unfamiliar with the magical cyber-enabled wondercrack that is formspring? Check out this post for an explanation.)

I didn’t finish answering all of my unanswered questions, and got 25 new ones while answering. However, about 10 of these questions were cut off by formspring’s character limit and therefore I was unable to answer them. 42 were compliments or other sweet things i keep in my formspring account to look at when I feel sad. 22 were statements, not questions. 10 were story ideas. 2 were insults. 1 was “Do You Masturbate?”

15 were questions I cannot answer myself. Can you answer them for me to help these people please? Thank you ladies.

1. I am studying abroad for one semester. Should I extend my stay and make it a year?

2. I want to get a tattoo on my wrist/lower arm but am struggling to come up with something that will look good/not tacky/is imaginative – suggestions?

3. I live in Texas and I encounter a lot of homophobia. It makes me feel like shit and I get so frustrated because I don’t know how to react. What should I do?

4. How do you get over people not liking you? Not not liking you because you’re gay, but just not liking you period?

5. Have you seen my Charles Saatchi book? I can’t find it. It’s small and white and rectangle-shaped. it’s about art or ads or something.

6. Just wondering if you knew, generally, how gay-friendly college sororities are?

7. A student group I am part of at my university went to the national march for equality as a group event last year. our group wants to do another big lgbt travel event this fall. any ideas?

8. My friend goes to a boarding school. She can’t go onto AutoStrad ’cause of adult content. I’m transferring to the same school too. We are sad. Is there anyway around this?

9. Tegan or Sara?

10. Once there was a GSA at my high school. it lacked a) gay kids and b) fun. how can i fix this and make all my fellow babygays happy & together & safe & proud? my school is only semi-homophobic- we risk no physical harm, if some social.

10. I live in New Zealand. It’s small here. Reckon my life will get sweeter if I move overseas?

11. Are there any good/well written sci-fi/fantasy novels with girls liking other girls?

12. Do you know any good lesbian porn made by actual lesbians?

13. I took some time off from college, and now I’m thinking about going back. What do you/the staff of autostraddle know about Mills College and its girl+girl scene?

14. Is it shitty of me to sell books my dad gave me to buy books I actually want to read?

15. Is it true that taking ibuprofen preemptively (like before bed after what you perceive as a hangover-inducing night) can alleviate the pain the next morning?

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Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3213 articles for us.


  1. 12. Do you know any good lesbian porn made by actual lesbians?

    Good Dyke Porn
    Crash Pad Series (other movies by Pink and White Productions too)

    Thats what I know.

  2. I’ll answer #1: definitely extend for another semester. I went back home after 3 years studying abroad and have been trapped here since, like a black hole.

    #10: I find New Zealand a very ideal country to live in. I was there for 5 days holiday last year and I tasted the best ice cream of my life. And steak.

  3. 8. google “proxy server”

    11. Ammonite by Nicola Griffith (probably also her other sci-fi book Slow River but I’ve never read that one)

    • Yes, yes and more yes to Slow River! It’s a really great book, Ammonite was ok, but not as good imho.

      Also check out the Bending the Landscape anthologies of gay and lesbian horror, fantasy and sci-fi, which she edits.

      • 11. anything by Sarah Waters! (ok, not all of her books have lesbians but most do & she’s all out and stuff, so that’s nice to support. plus GREAT writer & fun to read).

    • Some schools know about proxy servers and block them, though. You have to be careful.

      I think PirateBay is one kids at my high school used.

  4. 12. Check out Juicy Pink Box. Amazing stuff, super hot. Taxi is my favourite.

    14. No, it’s not. I’m sure he’d rather you read something that you enjoy and that the ones he bought go to someone else who would enjoy them, instead of them getting dusty on your bookshelf.

    • Juicy Pink Box! I don’t like much lesbian porn but that is great stuff. Really high quality production values and not too aggressive like some of the other stuff that’s out there. And it’s made by real lesbians!

      I also want to recommend the Viv Thomas Unfaithful series of movies. It’s not made by lesbians but it’s still pretty good. And the storyline is exactly how it sounds. It’s “Unfaithful” with lesbians instead of Olivier Martinez. I think I keep watching each movie just to see if Nella and Lisa will work their shit out.

  5. 6. Depends. Has the sorority been diversity trained/safe space trained? Have they had queer members before? Are they social justice oriented? I know that Kappa Delta on my campus is super cool with everyone, and I’m pretty sure there’s a few others on campus but I’m not as familiar with them.

    14. lol no.

  6. 1. is it an awesome place? do you feel at home, do you have great friends, does the new language (?) start to come out of your mouth more naturally? – do you just feel like it would be a good thing?
    this could be your go-to-place someday. if it’s already a good memory, make it even better.

    don’t try to just not like them back, it’s not a solution and will most likely not get you anywhere.
    there are so many questions you could ask yourself – why is this bothering me, for example? some people will tell you to simply not bother, but that’s not always possible. sometimes it tells us things about ourselves – why are these people suddenly important, is there anything special about them? is it something that reminds you of something else?
    try to be neutral. maybe even like them. if they are bullies or plain mean, fuck this part.
    to be neutral is a good thing.
    think “they are just mean/ weird/ don’t like me because they are insecure themselves.”
    The Insecurity Explanation For Everything is a thing and it works. often.
    sometimes, there’s just no getting over it.
    like there are things about yourself that you don’t like.
    find a mirror after meeting them and smile at yourself.

  7. 15. Is it true that taking ibuprofen preemptively (like before bed after what you perceive as a hangover-inducing night) can alleviate the pain the next morning?

    Yes, but it’s bad for your stomach. A better solution is to drink plenty of water while getting drunk. The headaches are caused by dehydration brought on by alcohol. Drink water and you won’t have the headache in the morning. Oh, and sticking to one type of liquor helps. (only rum or only vodka, don’t mix it up)

      • for menstrual cramps this does work well. The cramps are caused by blood clotting and passing through your inner lady parts, which kinda hurts. Preemptively taking the Ibuprofen helps because it thins your blood. Caffeine has the same effect AND helps with bloating. Because Ibuprofen is bad on your stomach, it’s best to take it with food.

        • Just whatever you do, do NOT take acetaminophen (i.e. Tylenol) after a rough night of drinking. Alcohol is already hard on your liver and so is Tylenol, so Ibuprofen (i.e. advil, motrin) is definitely a better bet. I find that if I take advil with pepto for an upset stomach/headache combo, it works great cuz the pepto protects the lining of your stomach from the ibuprofen

          • As a pharmacist, I would recommend against taking ibuprofen and Pepto-Bismol (brand name) after a night of heavy drinking.

            Both medications can be irritating to the stomach if used together long-term, especially if you are consuming large amounts of alcohol. Although Pepto-Bismol is used for heartburn, I would not recommend that someone take the drug to prevent the harmful effects of ibuprofen.

            Take ibuprofen (and other drugs called NSAIDs) with food.

            The harmful effects of using alcohol and acetaminophen are primarily isolated to alcoholics and/or people who ingest doses of acetaminophen greater than 4 grams per day. There is inadequate evidence to support an association between liver toxicity and the consumption of a moderate amount of alcohol with a normal dose of acetaminophen in an individual who a) does not suffer from alcoholism or b) consume a large amount of acetaminophen (total daily dose greater than 4 g) on a daily basis. The text Goldfrank’s Toxicologic Emergencies is an excellent reference for additional information on the topic.

        • do not take ibuprofen on an empty stomach. believe what it says on the side of the bottle. the one thing that makes cramps/general period misery worse? is puking.

          i have learned my lesson.

          • gatorade is by far the best cure for a hangover. replentishes your electrolytes! it has never failed me haha

          • Berocca! One tablet in a glass of water when you get home drunk, before you go to bed. There’s a little hangover-fighting magician inside every tablet, but scientifically it replenishes vitamins B and C. I don’t think it’s available in the states but it IS in New Zealand, so to #10 I think that’d be a tic on the “pro” side of living over there.

          • Gatorade replenishes 2 kinds of electrolytes but coconut water has all 5 electrolytes that are in your body and has a lot of potassium too. It helps to drink it before bed, I’ve never gotten a hangover when I drank it.

      • I used to take Ibuprofen, but its just a temporary way to deal with something you’re going to have for a while. What worked really well for me was consuming more iron rich foods or supplements a week before my period. I used to have terrible cramps, but since i started doing this, there have been very few times that i experienced any pain at all. good luck!

      • I have really severe cramps and before I got on birth control to alleviate them, I would have to take ibuprofen AND acetominophen as soon as my period started. I could take it after but I’d have to deal with the cramps for a while. But yeah, ibuprofen always worked for me, but if your cramps are bad enough I’d try to find a better remedy. A lot of birth control pills can lessen cramps, so I would talk to a gyno about that (if you’re not already on it, this is autostraddle so I assume there are a lot of girls here who don’t need B.C. for its regular use, lol).

    • My pharmacist friend told me aspirin is a big no no. Ibuprofen is a lil better. But still she says any of those things will actually slow your body from processing alcohol. Anyone know if this is true? The best is to just drink lots of water and hope the sleep helps! The next day continue to drink water. Personally, I always think I need coffee and then my stomach hates me for drinking coffee instead of water.

      • As I understand it, when there is alcohol in your body, your liver processes that before processing anything else, and the dosages for painkillers are worked out based on how long it takes your liver to process them. So basically if you drink a lot at take a lot of painkillers your liver will hate you. You don’t want that, your liver is your friend…

        • Hey. Listen to her. She has science on her side. What do I know? You should still drink lots of water though. Oh! I find that a Vitamin Water, Gatorade, etc. is GREAT for the next morning.

  8. 14. He already tried to get you something you like, and it didn’t work.
    Once my then-stepdad gave me a Britney Spears CD, to this day I don’t know what had gotten into him. But he cared and wanted to give me something and it was a hard time because we didn’t understand or know each other anymore. When I think about it, it still hurts a little bit.
    Not so much because of the CD. I bought other CD’s for the money and everyone was happy.
    Your dad will probably appreciate it if you’re honest with him but still make it clear that you know he cared and tried.

  9. 6- it ALL depends on the school, i’d say. i went to a private university in oc, where we couldn’t have houses. that affected the greek system overall, & made it a lot more inclusive. my house has several out lesbians, & everyone is great about it (though, there are no greek butches on campus, all of the greek lesbians are very feminine, i’ve noticed)

    my advice is to contact a school’s diversity programmer/ student outreach office / etc & email them the question. they’ll get you in touch with a student who can answer, probably.

  10. 1. Unless you’re hating it (which I assume not if you’re asking), then I say YES! At least for me it was great to have that extra time.
    15. Good question. I’m curious myself.

  11. 5) Yeah, you left it at my house last night. It was on art.

    9) Ahhh!! the never ending question!! Sara. I think..

    10) New Zealands not that bad, its like Canada squished alltogether in mini version. Sure its small but it doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be better off anywhere else. But crap I’m a hypocrite I’ve been dying to hop a plane for aggeessss.

    • It is kind of like a Canada squished into a mini version.. but in Canada you can be in a place where the ocean is so, SO far away that it hurts, you know? My girlfriend from NZ lives here in Canada now and seriously, so many immigration forms, so much waiting to hear back on said forms, so much not being by the ocean.

      • That is true, which is why in some ways NZ wins. But we don’t have many other awesome things or in some areas not as much oppertunity. but we do have hobbits….
        Gah, immigration paperwork.. I pity you guys.

      • I’ve been in the endless mounds of immigration paperwork place before. My condolences. Crossing my fingers for a happy outcome!

    • #10-2
      New Zealand is really freakin awesome, I just spent 5 months there studying abroad. However, the homo scene leaves a lot to be desired. I’d say that if you are having trouble finding friends/women to love that going overseas would be a good bet.

  12. 1. Definitely. Depending on where you are it may be fun to pick another nearby city or country for the second semester. This is especially easy in Europe and offers a whole different perspective.

    4. Who cares what they think?

    10. Play games! One of the main goals of a GSA is to provide a community where members feel safe, and a great way to build this is just by having a good time together. Fun group game ideas: Scavenger hunt, pictionary relays, charades, ninjas, murder, psychiatrist. I mean really, there’s tons. If you have the money you could all go bowling. Also, discussing current events in the gay community can get people talking. Autostraddle is a great resource for finding these.

    10. Yes! Your life will get better if you travel anywhere, no matter where you are now or where you end up. Exploring new places and meeting new people is so much fun and can teach you so much about yourself and about life. So, go! Be free!

  13. 8. I don’t know any helpful ways around adult content filters. It’s probably a server thing at the school, right? Any tech people out there? My only advice is get a laptop and go to a nearby coffee shop or something. That sucks.

    9. This question is a crime against so many things. There is no better twin, they are equally awesome.

    10. I like small places. I want to move to New Zealand. Stay there so I can meet a friend if I ever do. But I probably won’t move, so really just do what’s best for you.

    11. This site might be helpful: http://lesbiansciencefiction.com/

    12. Pink and White Productions. Google them. I guess “good” is all subjective and relative, but it’s made my actual lesbians, so there’s that.

    15. I don’t know about this I’ve never tried it. All I know is DRINK LOTS OF WATER. You may wake up needing to pee and feel hungover then but your chances of waking up in the morning with a hangover are greatly reduced.

    • That’s “by” actual lesbians not “my” actual lesbians. I wish I had some actual lesbians.

  14. 2. I want to get a tattoo on my wrist/lower arm but am struggling to come up with something that will look good/not tacky/is imaginative – suggestions?

    Any quote, word or a minimalist figure that means something.

  15. 1. YES

    4. It’s hard. I think you just keep reminding yourself that you are awesome and slowly develop a thicker skin? Still trying it out.

    6. I’d be worried.

    10. I dunno, the cutest queer girl I know moved to New Zealand and she seems to have a pretty great time with the ladies there, so I might stick it out if I were you.

    15. I think it’s true, but it’s also hard on your stomach and your liver. Better to drink lots of water and only use the ibuprofen on occasion.

  16. 2. Best advice I ever heard re: tattoos was that you should find something meaningful and want it to be a tattoo, not want a tattoo and find something meaningful. It’ll come to you.

    4. If people don’t like you then they don’t love you, and thus their opinions are moot.

    5. Did you look under the bed?

    11. When I was at Powells over the summer I hung out in their LGBT section and saw some, but I don’t remember what the titles were! Maybe you could call them and ask. My voice is gone.

  17. 8. Proxy servers!! You can find them an how to use them via google as someone previously mentioned. Used them in high school to get on myspace, when that was a thing. And the. You get to college and there is no content filter say what?!

  18. 4. scream, cry. hit things, by yourself where no one can hear you. if they don’t like you, don’t let them affect you. but if you tend to do something that people don’t like, and don’t like you for. and you don’t need that thing to be you and you realize it’s not a great thing, try to curb it. this one time my friend’s little brother was at our house at a party and suddenly he had duct tape on his mouth and we were confused and then he took it off a little bit and said “i’m talking too much shit”. if all else fails, take the statement “fuck you, i’m awesome” and internalize it. fuck them, you’re awesome.

    10a. my HS had a similar demographic (“straight”) making up the GSA, and i was never a member of it. it was also entirely not fun from what i heard, which i think is because there were rules. rules aren’t any fun at all. i don’t actually have any advice about changing your GSA, but you don’t really need it. find gays, let those gays find gays, hang out. no rules, more fun. you can carpool to protests and have your own gay after prom and everyone can hang out in their underwear and those are both things GSAs don’t allow. but maybe join the gsa so it’ll look good on college applications?

    10b. i hear new zealand is really pretty. maybe spend a month or a few overseas, stay in different places and see if you like it. if you find a place you love, move. but putting the effort in to move somewhere and finding out you hate it is probably the shittiest thing ever, especially if it’s overseas.

    11. they’re kind of books for preteens but Tamora Pierce has some gay characters and her books are pretty female driven. but i don’t know about books for adults.

    14. not at all. someone wants to read those books! you’re helping them!

      • I don’t usually rec her for the queer because you have to plow through eight (awesome, but still) books to get to it, but Lark and Rosethorn in the Circle books are together (this is confirmed in the ninth book) and in that same book Daja comes out (to herself/everyone) and falls in love and gets her heart broken and it’s both great and, obviously, heartbreaking. (I find the Circle books way refreshing c.f. the Tortall books wrt: everyone not immediately meeting their One True Love and marrying them at the end in a tidy romantic resolution, so I didn’t have a “Of course the queer storyline sucked” moment; none of the sexy relationships in that book end well. Uh, spoilers, but w/e you can see it coming.)

        There’s also a trans/genderqueer character in Bloodhound (awhile since I read it, sorry) and she mentions queer characters in throwaway lines reasonably often. Oh, fun fact, originally Thom and Roger were supposed to be lovers in the Alanna quartet!

  19. 1. Stay if you love it and can afford it! It’s a once in a lifetime experience to study in a different country.
    3. I live in Dallas and encounter the same. I call people out on it. My friends, family, coworkers, anyone. Changing societies perception on permissible behavior starts with each individual. Be the change you want to see, yadda, yadda.
    6. Generally, if you go to a super-southern school (like I do) they aren’t very gay-friendly because you have so many date events with fraternities. Hopefully some are more open up north.
    7. Dina Shore.
    8. Usually a smart phone will get around it! Ask for an iphone for Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa.
    9. Tegan’s songs; Sara for everything else.
    12. Something about Back Door Crash Pad or something? Idk google that with lesbian in it and you might get the answer.
    14. Nope. Half Price Books is my second home. It’s eco-friendly and economical. Yay you.
    15. Hangover cures are different for everyone. Everyone thinks they have a “special trick” and they do for their own body. For me, chug a glass of lukewarm water (easiest for anyone to process) before you go to bed. Hangovers are fundamentally from being dehydrated so try to drink water in between rounds of alcohol and drink water before you go to bed. Ibuprofen only works for 4-6 hours, so take one right when you wake up to have an easier morning.

  20. 15. My M.O. is to set an alarm for about an hour before you want/need to be functional. Wake up, drink about 8 oz of water and take some ibuprofen, then go back to sleep for an hour. I usually wake up feeling tons better.

  21. 2. I want to get a tattoo on my wrist/lower arm but am struggling to come up with something that will look good/not tacky/is imaginative – suggestions?

    I have a pin up girl on my lower arm seriously helped with visibility. Retro women tattoos=super queer. Just a thought!

    3. I live in Texas and I encounter a lot of homophobia. It makes me feel like shit and I get so frustrated because I don’t know how to react. What should I do?

    I went to university in a small Texas town for 5 years. The internet helps. Finding a group of queer friends helps. Traveling to Austin, Dallas, or Houston helps if that is possible for you. You can stand up for yourself but also consider your safety. Some people are not worth getting angry about at all for example: old people from the retirement community giving my gf and I dirty looks. If I got angry everytime someone looked at me funny I’d never get anything done. I’ll be your pen pal if you see this…

    6. Just wondering if you knew, generally, how gay-friendly college sororities are?

    Depends. There was a sorority at my small TEXAS university that the big sister little sister match up was like a dating service. I had a friend I called the bisexual whisperer. But that sorority was the artsy theater one. I believe some of the other ones on campus were a little more tokenizing of lesbians. Also you might consider a more social justice themed one like Kappa Delta Chi.

    12. Do you know any good lesbian porn made by actual lesbians?

    Nofauxxx Courtney Trouble is a feminist queer goddess.

  22. 1. Stay for the extra semester. I will always regret NOT doing that…you can always graduate college 1 sememster later and it won’t affect your life negatively

    I’m gonna answer 4 & 6 together because there can be a lot of “not liking you” that goes on in college sororities. It happened to me after I accidentally got the house in trouble, and after that my life was hell for half a year til I got outta there and ran away to spain. HOWEVS, the very next year I made a friend who incidentally turned out to be the first out lesbian in the entire greek system at my school and said that her experience in my ex sorority was fine. Case in point: being a lesbian is fine, usually, but getting their events canceled because you got them in trouble by accident it def NOT FINE. mmkay?

    10. my sister’s boyfriend is from nz and he can’t wait to move here (to CA) to be with her and try to get a job out here. But it’s way easier for him to get a job back home where the internship is. honestly, nz is a beautiful country with amazing people and it seems to me WAY more tolerance for everything. if my sis moved there instead, i’d be totally fine with it, as would my parents who are semi considering retiring over there.

    12. after writing 30 pages about lesbian porn, i still think that the L word is the hottest thing to watch (or any lesbisn film/tv show that is fiction with a lot of implied sex). mainstream lesbo porn is fake and terrible, pink and white productions is better, but a little intense for my taste, and eroktavision looks like it should be projected on the wall of a lesbian rave, if that gives you any idea

  23. 1. I don’t really know what you should do, but I can tell you that I was in Russia for three months and I really wish I could have stayed for a year.

    14. No.

  24. 1. Absolutely.
    2. Wait for something meaningful to grab you by the throat. Or wrist.
    3. Move to SF. All the cute girls are doing it.
    4. Do you like you? That’s all that matters.
    5. I have not. Check your couch cushions. Or maybe a cute girl stole it.
    6. Fuck a sorority, join your local Femme Mafia (or another group where queer-friendliness is a non-issue).
    7. Isn’t Fall over? I’m confused.
    8. Sign up for the emails? Team AS, is there an RSS or reader-type thingee for these little lesbian kittens?
    9. Abstaining.
    10. Own that ish, girl! Just do it. Make super hot flyers and recruit smart hotties to help you out.
    10. Two #10s! Let’s do a vacation swap for two weeks this Spring! You can see if life is sweeter in SF, my wife and kid and I can experience your gorgeous country. Win-win.
    11. Um…
    12. WHY YES I DO. But I’m at work, so it’ll have to wait until porn-appropriate times.
    13. MILLS IS HOTSAUCE. Lots of smart gay hotties. And drama. And good parties.
    14. No, it’s not shitty. Bottom line: Pops wants you to read, so read!
    15. I’ve done this. I dunno if it works, but I sure do feel better afterward.

    Shortly and sweetly,


    • 3. …Or stay in Texas and wait for my whip-crackin’ high heel wearin’ gospel of femme fierce domination to blow your way! I’m forming my new lesbot posse as we speak.

      13. and hello, yes, Mills? Isn’t everyone there gay?

    • Oh god Mills is a babe buffet.

      Not always easy to get in line, and extending this metaphor any further will probably land me in some very problematic territory, but there’s nothing better than lounging on Toyon Meadow flirting with pretty girls while decontructing colonialist hegemony in marriage laws.

      Bureaucratically Mills is very gay friendly, but our trans policy is not the best. 95% of the student body is very very queer and trans friendly, though.

  25. 6. My school (Henderson State University) has six national sororities. Every single one of them has at least one lesbian or bisexual member. We also have some vocal or musical fraternities and sororities and THEY’re all SUPER gay friendly.

  26. 1. I would extend your stay because you don’t want to always wonder what could have happened if you stayed. Also, it’s only one extra semester.

    6. I think it really depends on the school. There are lesbians/bisexuals/queers in pretty much every sorority. When I was a freshman (and still in the closet) at a small liberal arts college near Philly, I rushed a couple of sororities and most were kind of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” I ended up not pledging, but the sorority that I was planning on joining was accepting of lesbians/bisexuals.

    12. I agree with the above recommendations and also recommend anything by sweetheart videos or girlfriends. I also recommend anything with Elexis Monroe or Sinn Sage.

    14. I would at least give them a try, but I don’t see anything wrong with selling them.

  27. 1. Definitely! I’m currently on an exchange in the US and the end of my first semester here is fast approaching and I would hate to have to go back right now, especially because I feel I’ve just settled in. Also, most of the exchange students I’ve met so far are only here for one semester and they all wish they could stay for a little longer.

    15. I don’t know, but I was REALLY drunk a few weeks back and took ibuprofen before going to bed and felt alright the morning after….I even managed to get 100% for my french oral that morning = D

  28. 1. I am studying abroad for one semester. Should I extend my stay and make it a year?
    Absolutely! If you have the time, money and are actually enjoying yourself stay a few more months! Not everyone is fortunate enough to do so take full advantage.

    3. I live in Texas and I encounter a lot of homophobia. It makes me feel like shit and I get so frustrated because I don’t know how to react. What should I do?
    Wat part of Texas do you live in? If it is a small rural area the best I can say is move to a more diverse metropolitan area. If you encounter idiots in the big cities try to inform them otherwise if still don;t get anywhere smack em (mentally) and leave it alone. You cant help everyone.

    4. How do you get over people not liking you? Not not liking you because you’re gay, but just not liking you period?
    Leave them alone. And keep looking for someone who likes you for you. I have absolutely NO friends that have the same interests as me but the love, support and like me just the same. Even more because I am wierd

    5. Have you seen my Charles Saatchi book? I can’t find it. It’s small and white and rectangle-shaped. it’s about art or ads or something.
    I don’t read.

    6. Just wondering if you knew, generally, how gay-friendly college sororities are?
    I dont think any of the major greek sororities are majorly gay friendly. You might one to try some lesser knowns sorieties

    8. My friend goes to a boarding school. She can’t go onto AutoStrad ’cause of adult content. I’m transferring to the same school too. We are sad. Is there anyway around this?
    Get a phone with its own internet server or an air card.

    9. Tegan or Sara?
    Both. I like Sara more. Her songs, thought process and perceptions on life are the same as mine. I feel like she had really shaped my entire response and perspectives on relationships. But if there was no Tegan I would cry everyday inside. Also Sara would not be Sara without Tegan, vice versa. They had to split because that much awesome can;t be in one person or it would have been cancelled out and they would be boring.

    10. I live in New Zealand. It’s small here. Reckon my life will get sweeter if I move overseas?
    I want to visit NZ SO bad I cannot in good conscious tell you to leave.

    11. Are there any good/well written sci-fi/fantasy novels with girls liking other girls?
    See 5

    12. Do you know any good lesbian porn made by actual lesbians?
    No. I watch a lot of porn but I have yet to find good lesbian porn. And its not just because its not my thing I just haven;t found any good stuff. Also most lesbian porn is made by guys for guys. So….

    14. Is it shitty of me to sell books my dad gave me to buy books I actually want to read?
    No. Its part of the American way.

    15. Is it true that taking ibuprofen preemptively (like before bed after what you perceive as a hangover-inducing night) can alleviate the pain the next morning?
    IDK. But someone told me that taking to many pain killers will lower the effects of an epidural. Since then I suffer through all pain.

  29. 10. Yes.
    Despite being “pretty” and kind of liberal it isn’t really all that great. I aim to move somewhere with a) a functional public transport system and b) culture.

    Our former prime minister Helen Clark once said (to Ian McKellen, no less) that NZ is a “deeply racist” country and I would agree with that. I think we like to think we’re tolerant but in reality we fall fairly short of that.

    Also, gay culture here is pretty much zero even compared to Australian cities like Sydney.

    • I am from New Zealand too, let’s make a club. That comment is very accurate for me- part of the reason I want to go to America is because I think it’s going to be all exciting and awesome, like a mad cross between the L Word, The Great Gatsby and every sitcom ever. Will it be? Probs not. But hopefully they’ll be less earthquakes, which is always a plus.

      Ah good old Aunt Helen, tells it like it is. Here in CHCH last week the lead singer of Minuit nearly got assaulted for calling a bunch of passing skin heads idiots. Having said that, I still think we’re better than most western countries in terms of tolerance. Unless you’re Asian (or of Asian decent), in which case you’re probably going to suffer fairly regular racial slurs, bottles thrown at you etc. And lets not forget gaymansex was only legalised here in 1987- 1987!! and to much public outcry. Thanks guys.

      And yes, lack of gayfun is sadtimes. Iv’e heard Melbourne is the SanFran of the Southern Hemisphere though, and that’s not too far off.

    • I find it pretty offensive as a kiwi that you suggest that New Zealand doesn’t have any culture.

      I live in the UK at the moment but I am a New Zealander born and bred. I live here because it’s close to Europe and because of the awful government that we have in at the moment but that everyone loves because John Key’s “a family man” and “knows what it’s like”.

      But I am still very proud of my kiwi culture, I’m proud of where I’m from and I will never ever hide or change my accent (especially having like the single accent variation in the whole country). Why are New Zealanders all taught to be so ashamed of who we are and that we need to move away to experience culture?

      But yes, outside of Christchurch, public transport in comparsion to say London where I am is pretty awful. But I do miss driving rural NZ roads lots.

  30. 1.Do it! A semester isnt long enough to experience another place!
    2. I always go to books for inspiration! So far I’ve never fallen out of love with a book I have loved!
    3. Get the hell out of there!! OR everytime someone says something if you can’t rock the boat say everyithing you want to say screaming in your mind whilst smiling in pity at their small minded lives!
    4. You stop giving a shit and move onto people worth your mind and love!
    5. Nope!
    6. British .. no idea!
    7. Do a pride-crawl!! Like a pub crawl but as many different prides in as many different states!
    8. Man that sucks!! Befriend an internet whizz who can hack it?!?! maybe!!
    9. SARA fo’ sho!!
    10.Get Kate Moennig in – she attracts gays/straights .. anything with a heartbeat!
    10. I was in Oz recently … it’s not so far and rather fantastical!!
    11. No idea!
    12. Hhhmmm lots of suggestions above!
    13. Again … clueless!
    14. Nope, so long as yo usmiled and thanked politely when you were given them! What he doesn’t no can’t hurt him (not true in all cases lol!)
    15. Do it (Potentially you should ignore me and my addiction to pain killers (exaggerating a wee bit!!) )

    So I totally copped out on a lot of the Q’s!!

  31. Ok #11. couple of recomendations,
    a) Ash by Malinda Lo is very good Young Adult type fantasy book, it’s a different kind of Cinderella story, and super cute.
    b) Fire Logic by Laurie J. Marks is the beginning of a a very readable Fantasy series set in a world where being LGBT is basically an non issue. It’s kind of refreshing to read a decent fantasy book with Gay ladies in it where the fact that people are Gay is not a major plot point.

    • Have to check these out (Ash has been on my ‘to read’ list for a while.)

      Others I can recommend that aren’t mentioned above:
      – Sing the 4 Quarters by Tanya Huff. Fantasy, pretty decent, but not the super-intricate plot type of well-written, so I don’t know what you’re looking for.

      – the books in the Kushiel’s Dart series by Jacqueline Carey (and now the Naamah’s Kiss series) have all sorts of pairings, and the female leads have each had significant physical & emotional relationships w/ women (more so in Naamah’s Kiss). That said, the main Big Loves that extend through multiple books are M/F, but nonmonogamy is the norm, so that’s not as exclusive as it might be elsewhere.

  32. 1: Do it! Do it..Do it..Do it!
    2: I went w/ my mantra “Live with intention” in script, you know, to remind me.
    4: Do you like you because in the end that’s all that matters
    6: Lambda Delta Lambda all the way!
    15: Washed don w/ 16 oz. Gatorade..Saved me every time.

  33. Dear Question #1,
    YES YES YES YES YES! Or Si, Ja, Oui, whatever other word you need: DOOOO IT!
    One semester is just enough for you to start to feel nice and settled at home and then oh hey you get to go home and go through reverse culture shock! Definitely stay the whole year, you get so much more out of it and when else can you run off somewhere for a whole year like that so easily?
    PS. Take it from a vet, coming home in January doesn’t help reverse culture shock issues AT ALL.

  34. RE 9. Tegan or Sara?
    My good friend once put it “Sara you want to cuddle; Tegan you want to have an intellectual conversation with”
    I don’t think this makes Tegan unhuggable or Sara stupid, though.

    • Thats so wierd I would totally flip that.

      Sara I could talk to forever. The way she thinks facinates me. If you watch their videos you will see Tegan is amusing because of random things that happen to her. The majority of Sara’s funny comes from the way she thinks and what she says.

  35. Qu. 1. A semester abroad is a bit of a holiday, a year abroad shows commitment.
    Qu. 10 NZ is pretty damn nice compared to the rest of the world. The grass is not always greener …
    Qu. 12 Crash Pad Series – real lesbian porn featuring a peeping tom.
    Qu. 15. Lots of medics do the old ibruprofen trick, so there must be some truth in it!

  36. 9. Tegan

    12. Crash Pad Pink and White productions is good.I prefer
    Abby Winters real amateur mostly bi-sexual girls.Their main camera/film girl is a gay butch lady and most of their crew is either gay or bi.

  37. BTW the Crash Pad is very good but it’s like apples and oranges though.Crash Pad is more hardcore,more gritty,realer porn.Abby Winters is bi/adventurous 20ish cosmopolitan Aussie girls who are doing it seems for the thrill or experience of it.Very different sort of stuff.I know Abby Winters is owned by some guy called Garion Hall,but like I said a very gayish/ bi crew.

  38. AS!

    formspring … very interesting. similar to free therapy? i’m going to look into this. but, for now –

    oh ladies, i’m so lost. long story short, i’m dating a girl but only like, two of my friends know about it – i’m not out to my family or 98% of my friends (oh, I know.) and i’m in desperate need of relationship advice from girls who like girls.

  39. 1. I am studying abroad for one semester. Should I extend my stay and make it a year?


    2. I want to get a tattoo on my wrist/lower arm but am struggling to come up with something that will look good/not tacky/is imaginative – suggestions?


    3. I live in Texas and I encounter a lot of homophobia. It makes me feel like shit and I get so frustrated because I don’t know how to react. What should I do?



    5. Have you seen my Charles Saatchi book? I can’t find it. It’s small and white and rectangle-shaped. it’s about art or ads or something.


    9. Tegan or Sara?


    14. Is it shitty of me to sell books my dad gave me to buy books I actually want to read?


    15. Is it true that taking ibuprofen preemptively (like before bed after what you perceive as a hangover-inducing night) can alleviate the pain the next morning?


  40. 1. Depends – how much do you like your school? How much do you like your abroad program (presuming you are currently there) – if the answers go: not a lot, a lot. Then yes. Otherwise, no, because as much as I loooved my abroad program and was glad to get away for a while I feel like a year would have made me miss too many things and I would have been sad.

    6. Depends. Up North where I am, many are more liberal, but it can still be tough. My advice is to rush if you’re thinking about it but be out when you rush if you feel you can be. There will probably be some houses that will dismiss you right away if you do this but I bet there will be others who will keep you around/like you for who you are — these are the sort of houses you would want to be in anyway (duh). And if you go through rush and it sucks then it’s ok just don’t join a house! (Though even if the sorority is gay friendly, a lot of social events often have to do with meeting boys – just be warned.)

    10. I think your life will get sweeter if you move to a medium-large city. Doesn’t matter where. So if you don’t want to move overseas maybe go to Auckland? But if you do want to move overseas… do it. Everyone likes a cute accent.

    14. No. I think this is smart.

    15. Just force yourself to drink LOTS of water before you go to sleep. Like enough that you think you might explode.

  41. I really only feel qualified to answer number nine because I feel I’m pretty well a Tegan and Sara expert.

    They are best when they come together, obviously. But really it depends on the kind of girl that you are. Are you kind of a quiet girl who likes to read alone, drink hot things and occasionally do cute dances no one really understands? Then you are like me, and then then answer is Sara.

    However, you might be the kind of girl that does a lot of laughing, likes to be super silly and completely wears your heart on your sleeve. Which is also a great thing to be, but then the answer is likely Tegan.

  42. 1. If you love it.
    2. Find an awesome font, if you want words. It’s has to be something you love. I have Tegan and Sara lyrics on mine.
    3. Tell those people to fuck off. It’s not your fault, that they’re ignorant and wrong.
    4. Number 3 + you’re awesome :)
    5. It’s on my bed. I borrowed it. I’ll try to return it when I’m finished.
    6. Totally awesome or totally shitty.
    7. New York/San Francisco.
    8. Steal internet secretly. Or go to a coffee shop with free wifi.
    9. Sara.
    10. Build it and they will come. (I know that’s a stupid reference, but do that.)
    10. Maybs, but Lord of the Rings was filmed there.
    11. No idea, but tell me if you find any.
    12. Yes.
    13. No idea.
    14. Slightly.
    15. I don’t think so. It will thin out your already thinned out blood. How about some water instead? That way you won’t be dehydrated and it is a way to preemptively fight the hangover.

  43. 1. I am studying abroad for one semester. Should I extend my stay and make it a year?

    YES X 1000. I had to make that decision, and it was the best I’ve ever made.

    10. I live in New Zealand. It’s small here. Reckon my life will get sweeter if I move overseas?
    New Zealand is an awesome place (where I studied abroad, actually). But so are tons of other places, so go and discover all the beauty of our world, for sure.

  44. 10. I live in New Zealand. It’s small here. Reckon my life will get sweeter if I move overseas?

    Yes. Your accent will be cute. Many (including me) will date you.

  45. 11. anything at all by Sarah Waters! (not all of her books have lesbians but most do, just check reviews & she’s all out and stuff, so that’s nice to support. plus she’s a GREAT writer & fun to read).

  46. 1. Yes. Once in a lifetime opportunity. Do it.

    2. Don’t do anything until you know for sure. I waited until I was almost 29 to get my first tattoo and I’m glad I never got that eeyore ankle tattoo. I love my tattoos.

    3. Move. Or find local people who are not homophobic and start a rad community organization about visibility & changing hearts and minds. Drink Lone Stars. Talk about how you love armadillos. Drive to Austin and hang out with the rad Femme Mafia. See a Kings N Things show.

    4. “Care less about what people think.” Hang out with people who like you. Write a list entitled “50 reasons why I am likable” and keep working on it for days until you’ve gotten it finished. Put it up on the wall.

    5. Between your bed and the wall.

    6. The ones at my school weren’t so I joined the gay sorority, Lambda Delta Lambda. Best decision I made in college and it was way cheaper.

    7. Don’t go on a trip, bring a bunch of queer heroes to speak at your school instead. Kate Bornstein, Lynn Breedlove, Jewelle Gomez, Dorothy Allison. Throw a big conference and party.

    8. Google Reader.

    9. Ani.

    10. Makeitbetter.com

    10. Move to Sydney. There are so many amazing homos in Sydney.

    11. Octavia Butler wrote a bunch.

    12. Hotmoviesforher.com

    13. I went to Davis and my mom ended up at Mills for her phd. I went to visit her there and was SO JEALOUS of all the hot dykes there. GO TO MILLS.

    14. I do this all the time. My dad doesn’t know me but he wants me to be happy.

    15. No. It only works for like 4 hours. Wake up early, go to the bathroom, take the pills and go back to sleep. You’ll feel better upon waking. This is how I deal with hangovers and bangovers.

  47. 1. Absolutely. The first six months is just adjusting to the place. The next half is when you’ll actually be a part of it and see the real country. Unless you’re studying in Uganda or saudi arabia. In which case I would say no you should not extend.
    2. a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Then every time you’re hungry and think “What should I eat?” you’ll look down, and think “imagine, the answer was here with me all along, tattoed on my wrist..”
    3. I live in Texas too and i ignore everyone who’s got the brains of a bucket.
    4. see number 3.
    5. Have you seen my Charles Saatchi book? DId you check under the passenger seat?
    6. No clue.
    7. Snowboarding in Whistler.
    8. Internet Cafes.
    9. Both.
    10. Recruit gay boys. They’re always fun.
    10. Not if you move to Texas uganda or saudi arabia.
    11. Sarah waters is pretty brilliant.
    12. Crash pad series
    13. I know nothing of MIlls.
    14. No, it’s economic.
    15. Drink water.

  48. To number 1 – YES. ABSOLUTELY YES. If I’d left Australia after only six months I don’t think I would have gotten nearly as much out of the experience as if I had left at a year. (Of course, we’re almost to six years now… ;))

  49. 8. Go to the administration. Tell them that lesbian is not synonymous with pornography. Lesbian is not a dirty word. Our sexual orientations and gender identities should not be off limits. Tell them that maybe they didn’t realize that the content filter that they use enforces this stereotype/assumption. Insist that they change it.

  50. 15. Nope. Headaches tend to happen long after any over-the-counter painkillers will have worn off. Say you start drinking at 8 pm. If you wake up at 7 the next day, it’s had 11 hours to wear off.

    A better preventative measure is to hydrate like hell. Never go to sleep smashed- stay up a few more hours and drink water. You’ll be more tired the next day, but less hung over.

  51. 3: I grew up in small town Texas, an hour north of Austin. A lot of people like to use gay to mean retarded, to mean stupid – you know how it goes. But there were also really country people who knew gay people and were fine with them. People are hit or miss.

    Bigger cities are great. I went to Austin a lot. But then I moved to Boston and now live in Portland, OR. There are people here who act just like people in Texas. “Hey Sarah…do my jeans look gay?” “You know what they say about girls with short hair…they just want to be guys.” blah blah blah

    Remember, most people who make those comments don’t personally know an amazing gay person. That’s why I felt compelled to come out.

    If someone uses the Bible to validate their homophobia, gently remind them that, “The Bible is a book of faith for people of faith, to strengthen their faith.” Good luck, Texan.

  52. 1. I am studying abroad for one semester. Should I extend my stay and make it a year?
    If you’re having an awesome time, yes. Or if you’re in that wierd place where it will probably get awesome, but you’ve been busy with school…yes.

    2. I want to get a tattoo on my wrist/lower arm but am struggling to come up with something that will look good/not tacky/is imaginative – suggestions?
    I feel you on this one.I reckon don’t rush it, keeping looking around and something will really pull at you.

    4. How do you get over people not liking you? Not not liking you because you’re gay, but just not liking you period?
    I suppose what I try to remember is that there are people that like me, and that’s more important than the douches that dislike me. Just don’t have anything to do with them, they’re not worth your time.

    5. Have you seen my Charles Saatchi book? I can’t find it. It’s small and white and rectangle-shaped. it’s about art or ads or something.
    No, sorry.

    8. My friend goes to a boarding school. She can’t go onto AutoStrad ’cause of adult content. I’m transferring to the same school too. We are sad. Is there anyway around this?
    Proxy server!

    9. Tegan or Sara?

    10. I live in New Zealand. It’s small here. Reckon my life will get sweeter if I move overseas?
    It’s like I wrote this question. I’m thinking life would get sweeter. I also wonder if all the NZ peeps on here became friends would life get Insta-Sweeter? I still might move anyway…Canada is calling.

    14. Is it shitty of me to sell books my dad gave me to buy books I actually want to read?
    No. Someone else should enjoy them if you’re not going to read them, rather than just gather dust.

    15. Is it true that taking ibuprofen preemptively (like before bed after what you perceive as a hangover-inducing night) can alleviate the pain the next morning?
    I would say it depends on how much you sleep…ibuprofen is going to go through your system by the time you wake up surely? So just take it when you get up I reckon. And drink water when you’re drinking, and then when you get home..if you remember that is!

  53. NUMBER 10!
    This is important, so very important because I come from New Zealand! I moved and really, my life DID get better. Maybe it’s a personal thing and depends (probably) from person to person) but I find when I moved I could breathe a little more. I could push more boundaries and MEET so many different people from everywhere. I moved five years ago but I remember back home I went to an all girls school (1200 girls!!) and it was so tough.
    I think it also depends where you want to move too. I’m in Montreal and it’s really multicultural and there’s so much diversity so you can be who you want and do a lot of what you want.
    POINT BEING; when you move OUT of NZ it’s scary but it’s definitely something you should do. Even if you want to spend a semester or year away to get the feel of things before MOVING per say.
    SO that’s my big rant. I AM PRO moving!

  54. 1. I kind of think it depends on where you are and if you are enjoying your stay. However, since you asked the question, I assume that you are enjoying your stay, so I would say, “Hells yeah”. I totally wish I had studied abroad when I had the chance.
    2. I don’t really have any imaginative suggestions. I want to get an 8 on my wrist, but that’s not imaginative. It’s more a personal thing.
    3. Yeah, Texans can be like that sometimes. My initial thought was “Move to Portland or NYC”. My second thought was to go to Austin, which always made me feel better when I lived down there. Wow, just thinking about Austin made me miss home a little bit.
    4. People are strange. Usually I just ignore them. If a person doesn’t like you, there’s not much you can do, but go on living your life and being you.
    5. Nope.
    6. I was never really into/interested in sororities. The college I went to was extremely conservative, so I’m not sure about gay-friendly. However, one of them tolerated my highly eccentric friend who spent entirely too much time working on art projects and wearing paint stained jumpsuits and too little time sleeping and eating.
    7. Nope.
    8. Probably, but I am not tech-savvy enough to know how.
    9. While I’m inclined to agree with the T and S answer, I really have a soft spot for Sara.
    10. Throw a dance party! Have an ice cream social, but just because ice cream is the most amazing thing on earth. Do something that involves dressing up because that’s fun whether it’s in costumes or just fancy clothes.
    10. There are two tens which I find slightly confusing. It could be sweeter, but then you have to deal with visas and immigration.
    11. I have no idea.
    12. I think they’ve probably covered this on NSFW Sunday. However, I again have no idea.
    13. Mills?
    14. No
    15. Wow, I don’t know. I usually only take ibuprofen when I am in pain and usually only if it is extreme pain. I don’t really like taking pills unless it’s absolutely necessary. Plus, I’ve never really had a hangover.

  55. 15. in my experience, it totally helps, but (and this part is important) drink water before you go to sleep. two to three bottles if you’ve had a lot to drink. the water i think helps even more than the advil.

  56. Questions 1 and 15 have the same answer: Yes. Drinking water also helps. In all situations, but especially #15.

  57. re #7: why not try a volunteer trip doing construction/rebuild/disaster relief work in a place like New Orleans, Nashville, or Galveston,TX? doing construction jobs like tiling or sheetrocking aren’t always terribly hard (think giant arts and crafts) and it can feel incredibly empowering to be actually building a house/looking at what you’ve done. it’s also fun doing a job that isn’t always welcome to women/gay men. the con is that a lot of volunteering is through churches, which aren’t always queer-friendly. try something through the episcopalian or unitarian church, or with habitat for humanity (although they might have a volunteer fee…) or through a secular group such as Rebuilding Together, Common Ground New Orleans, or Hands On Disaster Response (they’re kindof hit or miss depending on the project)

  58. 11. Are there any good/well written sci-fi/fantasy novels with girls liking other girls?

    I would recommend Octavia Butler. She was a black lesbian science fiction writer. Though what I’ve read doesn’t necessarily have lesbians, she often explores unusual and symbiotic relationships (with sprinklings of girl-on-girl action). Fledgling is a fun vampire book; Parable of the Talents, the sequel to Parable of the Sower, has a few gay elements but is pretty depressing so perhaps not what you’re looking for. But I’d definitely recommend Fledgling.

  59. 10. I live in NZ! Wellington. We should hang out. Just do the good ole NZ tradition- go overseas for a few years or so, experience a bit of yon foreign culture, and then high-horse it back to New Zild for ‘settling down’. I dunno about which part of NZ you’re in, but the ‘man-drought’ means les lezzies are in a pretty good place right now, just saying.

  60. 1. If you are loving it and not terribly missing your family, yes. You can learn more, travel more, meet more people. Home will always be there. This opportunity may not.
    2. Don’t rush it… wait until something really lights you up and you can’t imagine NOT having it. I’m pretty sure you know it’ll be with you foreverever, so just make sure it’s something that you’ll love foreverever…foreverever?!
    3. Don’t mess with Texas. But really though, try to seek out people that are like you and do your best to float above the negativity.
    4. You just DO. Fight your way out of their quicksand. Find something else to occupy your time. The thought that they don’t want you as much as you want them alone should help you to push them out of your mind.
    5. You left it on my nightstand. I knew it was a ploy so you could come over again.
    6. No…but you should try to contact girls currently in sororities you may be interested in and ask them. Maybe you can do it anonymously if you want to be discreet?
    7. My house
    8. Go to places off campus with wifi? Will the RSS feed go through without being blocked?
    9. Tegan because… really, could her name BEEEE any cooler?
    10. Talk to people and find out what they’d want out of the GSA, take notes, do.
    10. The grass is always greener…
    11. ?
    12. http://wildcherrylondon.com/
    13. ?
    14. He’d be happy to know that his child is reading. So many young people don’t read anymore.
    15. I’ve been called Dr. Feel Good but I really have no professional training, so I’ll defer to the REAL experts… you should wikipedia it. AKA ask your real doctor… a quick phone call would do you right. xx

  61. 9. sara sara sara

    15. in my professional opinion (i cause a lot of pain in my profession) the only reason painkillers should be taken ‘pre-emptively’ is because often people will not take them for a long enough period while pain is present. in order to have a consistent amount of painkilling effect either ibuprofen or paracetamol/acetaminophen should be taken as regular doses i.e. usually every 4 hours rather than as they are needed. however therefore each dose will only last for a 4 hour period. at the same time taking a painkiller pre-emptively may reduce the impact of pain onset, but it has to be timed well.

  62. Okay, here goes, for what it’s worth:

    1. I’ve never studied abroad so advice a little void but I guess I’m asking because you are enjoying it? Why cut something short if you are enjoying it? Most of the time we regret NOT doing something more that doing something.

    2. I don’t have a tattoo but I have seen many… my ex had a lot of Philip Lou (Sp?) inspired tattoos, which looked cool, you can have them as big or small as you like. Me personally, my tattoo idea came to me in a ‘lightbulb’ type moment. Since I’ve wanted it for 5 years or more now, I’m pretty convinced it wasn’t just an impulse thought. I’m going to get it one day when my better half changes her mind about tattoos!

    3. If you can ignore the homophobia, then do. If it’s worse than just a few dirty looks etc then there are SO MANY PLACES in the world that would be happy to have your homo ass mincing around ;-)

    4. I get really upset when people don’t like me too. I like to be liked, I’m a real people pleaser. As everyone says though, forget it. Maybe if you are desperate for them to like you, you could stage some kind of scenario where you save their cat from a tree / something else selfless and heroic and then if they still don’t like you then poke them in the eye and walk away (dusting your hands defiantly).

    5. No idea where this is? One thing’s guaranteed, it’ll be in the last place you look.

    6. English… no fuggin idea.

    7. Again, I’m English, so unless you fancy a BIG trip to the UK…

    8. Proxy servers may be the way forward here… though does depend on whether traffic is monitored closely.

    9. I have very limited experience / knowledge of T&S.

    10. This would be a long answer if I answered, though I have a SHEDLOAD of ideas for this! If only we had that sort of thing over here… hmmm…

    11. Okay, stones at the ready girls… I don’t read! *Argh! Not the face!* I just can’t get into fiction, I need INFORMATION all the time. I know, I’m weird.

    12. Nope, also my quest in life.

    13. Puzzled English expression…

    14. Talk to him about it. If he got you some books then he’s cool, so must be approachable.

    15. Okay, so I take it more than I should but normally my cure is to drink water. Actually, I hate drinking water on it’s own, so I drink a pint of squash (cordial/ fruit juice that you dilute in water – I DONT KNOW WHAT IT’S CALLED IN AMERICA!!!) Full English breakfast is also the ULTIMATE CURE, though if you’re too hanging then you will have to get someone else to make it or go to a cafe.

    Dot x

  63. 8. Use a web proxy like hidemyass.com Then type whatever website you want to visit in their little box. It works like a charm.

  64. 1. STAY STAY STAY – you can always go home but you may not be able to get back to wherever you’re studying so enjoy/explore it as much as possible!!

    14. talk to him. please. maybe there’s meaning behind one or something that you didnt know about why he gave them to you. (i’m REALLY effing biased on this one because i lost my dad to a heart attack five years ago, and i’m not saying that will happen to you but i’m all about having as many convos as possible because of it!) either way it’s better to talk because then future presents will be more your style!

  65. 3. Move to Austin. Seriously, everything is better here. I’ve encountered minimal homophobia here, whereas I encountered it on the daily when I was living in the DFW area. Austin is where it’s at.

  66. 6. Just wondering if you knew, generally, how gay-friendly college sororities are?
    It varies really widely. I’m in a small (14 members), local sorority and it’s amazing. Everyone is really accepting and supportive. However, the large national sororities at my school are not the least bit gay-friendly. They are homophobic, mean, and scary.

    12. Do you know any good lesbian porn made by actual lesbians?
    Champion! It stars Syd Blackovitch and she’s amazing.

  67. #1 Yes make it a year. I studied abroad for one semester and wished I had stayed longer. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

    #11 – Science Fiction/Fantasy
    I’ve heard “Solitaire” by Kelley Eskridge isn’t too bad, but I haven’t read it.
    I have read some good stuff over at at boldstrokesbooks.com. You can find a bunch of stuff (eBooks and hard copies) over there. I enjoyed Jane Fletcher’s Celaeno Series.

  68. RE: 2. I want to get a tattoo on my wrist/lower arm but am struggling to come up with something that will look good/not tacky/is imaginative – suggestions?

    As a somewhat heavily tattooed woman I would advise you to not get anything. If you have to ask someone what to get permanently tattooed on your own body, you are not ready to get a tattoo. Trust me, you’re going to be much happier putting something on your body because it’s something you like/something that represents you/something that is individualistic rather than getting something for the sake of getting a tattoo.
    Best of luck on your mission!

  69. 11. Erm: Blue Place is part of a trilogy with Stay and Always, not Slow River. Very good books about a totally bad ass lesbian, but not Sci Fi or Fantasy. 

    Also Sarah Waters’ books are really good (Tipping the Velvet omg) but I don’t think any of them are sci Fi or fantasy. 

    IMHO: Ammonite, and Slow River are both Sci Fi books about lesbians, Both are weird in that crazy awesome Sci Fi way. Slow River is one of my favorite books. 

    Also there is Fran Heckrotte. The only book I have read by her was Solaria which was AWESOME and kind of hot.

    You can also check lesbiansciencefiction.com. There are A LOT of aweful lesbian science fiction and fantasy books out there, so you have to weed through them, so this website has yet to help me find a book worth reading, but I love it’s existence nonetheless. I recommend trying samples on kindle (on an iPhone or computer for free) before buying.

    The three I’ve listed above are the only three good ones I’ve found and I have been searching for lesbian Sci Fi/Fantasy for a long time. : ( I will stay posted to see if any one can point me to other good books.

  70. 1- yes
    2- don’t do it
    3- move to los angeles!
    4- as soon as you don’t care who likes you, and act confidently, almost everyone will like you
    6- probably depends on the sorority. I would go for it, and then come out little by little as it becomes relevant. I don’t think its relevant during rush activities. I remember that the president and vp of one of the top sororities at ucla (when I went there) were rumored to be a couple. no one really cared. it made them more interesting actually

  71. 1. I’m on exchange in Mexico for a year right now. Even considering that the lesbian scene in southern Veracruz is pretty much non-existent, the answer will always be YES! Unless you are completely miserable where you are, you can’t really get a feel for another place over just one semester. Trust me, it’s worth the extra effort (especially if you’re learning another language!)
    Good luck!

  72. #4: Being genuinely interested in people will mostly make them like you.

    I’m a bit autistic, so I have researched this, and can recommend these books:
    The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene
    How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere: The Secrets of Good Communication by Larry King and Bill Gilbert

    #11: http://www.academyofbards.org/

    1)Drinking a glass of water alongside *every* drink of alcohol, and
    2) Eating enough food both before you start drinking, and afterwards, and
    3) Puke if possible.

  73. dudes. just don’t pass out when you’re wasted…and right before that weird im-awake-but-almost-hung-over moment, take benadryl with a shit ton of water and also something terrible on Hulu, like real housewives of hotlanta. no big deal, im out of the closet about my fascination of Phaedra’s pregnancy pickle pictures. anyways, blah blah blah, you always wake up the next morning feelin FLY

  74. #10. NZ is so close to Australia! Go wild, move to Sydney/Melbourne, great cities for the gays, and close enough to home if something goes wrong :)

  75. Late to the party, but…

    #15. It does. I used to do this for period cramps before I got diagnosed with dysmennorrhea and my gyno put me on the pill.

    However, it’s actually a really bad idea with hangovers, because it’s effect with alcohol means you’ll just stay drunk longer and the hangover will be delayed.

    Hangovers are caused by dehydration, so the best thing you can do is just drink lots of water right before you go to bed. And then drink some more when you wake up in the morning. Always worked for me :)

  76. Tegan Tegan Tegan Tegan Tegan Tegan Tegan Tegan Tegan Tegan Tegan Tegan Tegan Tegan Tegan Tegan Tegan Tegan Tegan Tegan Tegan Tegan

    Yesplz. :-D

  77. Also number 3 I live in Texas as well Dallas lubbock and San Antonio areas depending on lots of thugs. Sa currently. Find the gay districts (main street!) And surround yourself with like minded people. Use sites like OK Cupid to find friends. Once you have friends like that the haters don’t matter. If you’re in a small town like where im originally from don’t be scared of those silly rednecks. Lots of people think they hate gays cuz they’ve never met them. Be out and proud and put a rainbow (in my case hrc cuz can’t be out in the military “officially” yet but once I find a cute sticker ITS ON) and they’ll see that you’re not that terrifying. And if someone threatens don’t let them know you’re scared and use your resources…cops friends family. The law has to protect you and if they’re being dumb use the media. My graduating class was 140 so that tells you how small my town is. Once one person knew everyone did so people learned really quickly that gay peopledo not equal demons. I was that nice girl that volunteered for veterans and libraries and churches and shit that just happened to be gay. There will be haters but once you have someone to back you up, it won’t be as bad.

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