FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: What’s Your Type??

The cover image is of Shayna Schmidt and Melissa Weisz in New Yiddish Rep’s “God of Vengeance.” (Photo by Ronald Glassman)

Happy Friday waffle fries! You made it through another week and I’m so proud of you. I bet you also did something really great, like finished your to-do list one day, or smiled at your friend who looked sad, or got out of bed and stretched your bod. Good for you!!!

I’ve been thinking a lot about my type, primarily because I’m a thirsty ho who’s always thinking about cute girls, but also because I’ve been reading/watching a lot about Indecent by Paula Vogel. Have you seen Indecent? It’s a play about a play: Vogel uses a twentieth century Yiddish play about lesbians and sex workers as source material to write a play that tells theatre history, American history, and Jewish history. It’s beautiful, it’s gay, and it makes me feel very aware of how precious life is. ANYWAY. There’s a video of the cast and creative crew and well, I’ve got a crush. Her name’s Adina Verson, she plays the ingenue character in Indecent and she’s got curly dark hair, she wears glasses that take up her whole face on the red carpet, and she looks like she’s got an MFA in acting. To put it frankly, she is very much my type.

I have two types. One is the Adina Verson type: probably coastal elite, probably has an MFA in acting, definitely was a vegetarian for at least a year of high school, looks amazing in movement wear.

THIS FEELS UNFAIR

My other type is the Brittney Griner: light-skinned with dreads, masculine of center, ball is life, she loves her mom and baby sister, and is probably bad for me.

This is fine. I’m fine.

Do you have a type? Do your friends tell you that all of your crushes look alike? Mine do. I just own it. I know what I like! I wanna hear all about your type. I also want to hear about your week! I also want to hear about your plans for the weekend! Listen – I want to hear any and everything you want me to hear. Let’s chat about it all!


Are you following us on Facebook?

Alaina is a 20-something working on a PhD in Performance as Public Practice. They are a mom to three cats, they listen to a lot of NPR and musicals, and they spend a lot of time on Pinterest lusting over studio apartments. They are actively trying to build A Brand on twitter @alainamonts. One day, they will be First Lady of the United States.

Al(aina) has written 181 articles for us.

280 Comments

  1. My type seems to be nerdy, masculine-of-centre women with good intentions… so basically people like me?? What can I say, I’m apparently a massive narcissist.
    My week has been a rollercoaster—spent most of it struggling to get out of bed because depression, then today was suddenly offered an amazing job in Paris. Which obviously I can’t take because I’m taking time out of uni to recover, so won’t graduate for another year and a half. By which point it’ll be too late. Waaaahh.
    Also, Indecent sounds great.

  2. Type:Mediterranean.(from around the whereabouts)
    -Dark hair with a touch of olive skin and either macho or femme (I‘m a swiiiitch who appreciates how people walk and carry themselves)
    -And veeery bad news. (I‘m chronically single for a reason.This reason is common sense and bad burns.)
    I‘m open to beauty in most forms, though, it’s more of a learning experience of attraction as life progresses.

    Alaina, did you ever watch „Warehouse 13“? I once fell in drunken love with a girl one night, because she had the wild curly hair and bright laugh of one Myka Bering.

    Have a wonderful week and weekend everyone!

  3. Lol, Adina is a friend of mine. Would you be okay if I shared this with her? She’s super sweet, and I’m sure she’d be flattered.

    My type is what I like to refer as Nice Jewish Girl. JSwipe is my jam.

  4. OH my god types. 1- butch and wears super nice button up shirts and smells like nice men’s cologne.
    2- Wayyyy too tall for me and has curly or super unruly hair and wears sundresses with no bra to piss off old people lol
    Also pluses- nice butt, smiles easily, and will have a dog for me to play with.

  5. Omg omg this is the best open thread ever, this is my favorite topic. My friends and I used to go out and play “spot the girl closest to Annelise’s type” at queer events.

    sporty femme/tomboy femme is the best way to describe my ideal, maybe the softest of butches if she has long hair (like pre-haircut Ashlyn Harris, who really is the apex of my dreams).

    Taller than me, athletic, a little bit of swag is nice but not necessary (awkward works too, the doctor in Saving Face = awkward tomboy femme perfection)

  6. My type is overextended, busy, kind, nerdy, social movement advocates who are empaths. So basically people who feel everything, try to fix everything, and are literally always doing something. Therefore, they don’t really have any time or mental energy to spend with me or be consistent (which I need). It’s basically a trainwreck every time, and yet I enthusiastically hop on board every single time… it’s fine.
    School started up again and I’m trying to not be incredibly overwhelmed YET. Pretending assignments don’t exist is working for me today. I watched all of s3 Just Add Magic last night! The slow cooking scenes are basically ASMR for me <3 I'm gonna watch Grace & Frankie today! It'll be great! I'm choosing to believe everything will work out somehow and stressing won't really help me right now.

  7. I 100% have a type. Most devastating celebrity crushes within it include Kristen Stewart and Kate Moennig, and most recently, Briana Venskus. She may not be as squarely the same type as the first two, but there’s still that vague something about her that makes my stomach feel like it’s gonna fall out my butt, if I may borrow a line from Mean Girls. Arguably a bigger crush than Stewart and Moennig combined – yes, it’s possible. That was news to me too.

  8. I’ve never had a physical type as such. I’m not drawn so much to appearance as a vibe, which almost automatically excludes all actors (but not all fictional characters). I like a somewhat submissive introvert with a strong sense of self, or at least someone who carries themselves with that vibe. A moody creative is a bonus. 💋

    That said there are some looks I like better than others. I tend to prefer fairly centered/androgynous people over very burly or girly, in terms of presentation, regardless of gender. Dark aesthetics that evoke that moody creative personality is a bonus.

      • Haha, it’s not that I dislike actors. Actors can be moody creatives with a submissive introvert streak. BUT, the actors I see are usually playing roles, not being themselves. I might find a good actor attractive as a character, but then I see them in another role and it’s a completely different person with a different vibe. If I’ve seen an actor in many different things, I’m less likely to be attracted. Occasionally I’ll see an actor do an interview, of course, but most of them are hard to gauge because they’ve got their media face on and media face tends not to bring out the vibe I like.

  9. Does anything but men count as a type? Well in reality I think my type is a mix of Jenny and Bette, and a hint of Dana. A neurotic Jew who has passion for art/writing, like being outdoors, and is a successful power top(mommi all around). In reality that is hard to find as I usually find either neurotic Jews who like being outdoors but are straight/taken, power tops who aren’t into me, and art geeks and writers who are hard to gauge what they are thinking.

    Indecent is exactly something I would like, Jewish lesbians, and it doesn’t end sadly(from what I can tell). What’s not to like? Thought I will say I kind of prefer to see stories from Sephardic Jews speaking Ladino(grew up around the Ladino community), as Yiddish and in general Eastern European Jews is the more common story we get.

    How is everyone’s week going? It’s been Spring all week here so that’s been nice. I was suppose to go meet a new friend Sunday, but that was cancelled as the person wasn’t feeling 100%. My friend crush for her has kind of increased as she just seems soo cool. You know the kind, the queer(femme) gal who is just cool, and delightful that is looks effortless. Ugh, I’m a big old queer mess.

    I also went to my first legal shop on Saturday located in the gayborhood. It was right across the street from an add feature buff guy in a Santa hat and small undies on saying find him on YouTube. Pre-tax prices were fair, but after taxes it got a bit high, but I guess that price to pay for having legal. Plus, the state is now clearing anyone who had prior conviction related to cannabis(even if it was 50 years ago), which is great news for those wrongly/unjustly charged. Saturday night was also pretty rough for me as the dysphoria monster decided to ruin my personal progress coping and fuck me up badly. I spent hours under the cover at night crying & listening to music with female vocalists. It was not fun and the monster was really dark to a point I was thinking negative thoughts. Against Me!’s Paralytic states was running through my head, even when other songs where playing. Still hurts.

    Thank you for viewing and reading my post. Have a positive and safe weekend. I can’t make it to the march, but will be down the street from the L.A. one working. So, I will be there in spirit and energy of sorts.

  10. Why yes I did see Indecent and cried like I broke something, thank you.

    A certain asshole who I don’t feel like discussing insisted I have a type, fat. They were and still are incorrect, my type across all the genders is cute.
    That down to earth cute like Samira Wiley, not the spun sugar j-pop of cute they tried to make me be.
    Not sorry oh asshole of my past for being the sharper edged frill hating person I am instead of the cute, sweet girl you wanted.
    Also not sorry that time you called for advice about how to fuck a fat person but actually wanted to know if there was a trick to “getting through it” not how to be kind to a lover shy or stressed about their body. I never should have answered the phone.

    2018 is the year I’m reclaiming the word cute back as well as neck wear apparently.

    Um did not expect all of that to come spilling out.

    Uhh so here’s an actress I have a crush on

    Her name is Christina Jackson.
    She cute.

  11. OK, so there’s not a lot that I like about LaVeyan (atheist) Satanism, but there’s one really relevant thing that I like: the LaVey synthesiser clock.

    Imagine a clock. 12 is the absolute dominant and 6 is the absolute submissive (socially). The left side of the dial is extrovert. The right side of the dial is introvert.

    My type is a 4. Which is great, ’cause I’m a 10 and that’s kind of complementary. It’s a fun people-watching game once you get good at it.

    What’s your type?

    • This is awesome! I’m probably an 11, maybe 11.5 lol and my girlfriend would probably be a 7. I think we work great bc we both are extroverted and love to be social but she lets me (and wants me to!) do the vast majority of the talking while we are out socializing. It’s perfect for us.

      • You’re precisely the person I’d be fuming about at a party! 😄 At least if you were a man. Male 11’s are sooo annoying. They take up my space, and then they think their maleness makes them my superior and they can get away with interrupting and condescending. I suspect female 11’s tend to be a bit more sensitive, but I’m not sure I know any. #notall11s

        Isn’t it great when your personalities are complementary like that? 😊

        • Hahahahahahahh I sincerely hope I’m better than the male 11s you’re thinking of. My friends sometimes eye roll that I talk so much but its almost always in a “here’s a funny story” way and definitely not in a “I know everything way.”

          • I’m sure you’re fabulous! Who doesn’t love a good story? I’m the annoying person who inserts themself into conversations with obscure facts: “That’s so funny, especially given that saffron is hallucinogenic. Haha.”

  12. The people I’ve had crushes on couldn’t possibly look more different from each other. There are definitely certain personality traits that I’m drawn to (emotionally intelligent, genuine, independent, etc.) But overall it just seems that there’s occasionally some magic combination of physical and personal characteristics that does it for me, which seems to be different for every individual crush. And doesn’t happen that often.

  13. Hi, I’m new here. Or I’m old here. I read and commented in 2010-2011. I was a baby and I’m concerned that I behaved like one.

    My type is unavailable people. I like androgyny. I say I don’t like blondes, but that’s obviously not true because I spent the entirety of college crushing on a blonde friend. An unavailable one, of course.

  14. There are so many foundational aspects that vary from person to person of which are all attractive to me in various ways, so I really can’t pin down my type. But honestly, I can’t help having a weakness for tender tombois who can nerd out on sci-fi, sad songs and share a deeply treasured misandristic disposition with me. It’s a thing and I’ve just got to own it.

    Also I loved reading about all of your types btw! The power of attraction is real and it’s out to get all of us!

  15. androgynous people, shane, duh, ali from transparent, devon from I love dick, rachel maddow, most people i’ve been with have described themselves as butch, are usually shorter than me (I’m only 5’5), and are submissive in bed but dominate otherwise.

    mostly though my type is the cutie i’m dating right now <3

  16. I think I have two types. The type I want because they’re like me: people who would get described as “striking”, who I could picture becoming a ridiculous Art Couple with, making a scene in over-the-top coordinated outfits at galas (I’ve never been to a gala).

    And then the type I want because I think they’ll balance me: wholesome and puppyish.

    Physically my biggest Things are probably tooth gaps (crooked teeth are good too) and shiny brown eyes.

  17. I have two types, and they usually collide in uncomplimentary ways with whispers of poly being eventually drummed out by the sounds of the relationship(s) exploding in a melodic fashion.

    First, I seem drawn to self declared narcissistic individuals with dark hair, dark eyes, and dark thoughts. Generally, behind the thick veils of edge, they’re quite nice people filled with empathy and care.

    Second, I seem drawn to self declared nice individuals with blonde hair, pleasant demeanors, and Southern charm. Generally, behind the clouds of charm, they’re filled with dark thoughts, plagued by soul crushing worry, and constantly on the verge of explosion.

    Nothing could ever go wrong when you mix me with all of the above. Nothing at all. This is fine. It’s all fine.

  18. My sex-type is a very androgynous, sporty person who I probably have nothing in common with, but we’d have really great sex and then never be able to sustain a relationship because they are too “chill” and I need constant validation until 2 years into dating.

    My date-type is Mary Lambert and Mal Blum.

  19. Kind, quirky, and passionate. Passionate about everything! About anything! Humorously creative. Interested in ideas ~ would talk till 3am about an alternate reality, mixing in physics and puns and fairytales.

    ~~~ interested is interesting.

  20. My type is, as my gf teases me, “the right amount of butch”. Before i met her, i usually had this mean soft butchy types, but my gf is more butch than most of the Tumblr pictures i’d ogle. And she’s cute.

    And looks really good in a suit. Heheheheheheheheheheheh.

  21. Andro/MOC folx with soft curvy bodies and crazy hair (honestly the notion that you have to be skinny/muscular to pull off masc style makes me want to cry for all the soft-butch-on-the-inside BABES who don’t feel like their outsides will ever match).

    Also – people who were raised Catholic?? Seriously like the last four. I’ve never been religious so I don’t know what this is about.

    Also – CRAZY. Let’s be a little unstable, together!

    • “(honestly the notion that you have to be skinny/muscular to pull off masc style makes me want to cry for all the soft-butch-on-the-inside BABES who don’t feel like their outsides will ever match).” THIS THIS THIS THISSSSSSS

      i am also with you on the crazy hair love

  22. Sorry for posting again, but there’s something I actually meant to share in this thread (and forgot about):
    I think that me being gay has finally made the rounds at work while I was away on vacation.
    I suspect this because my attending and the nurses are trying to patiently explain men to me all of a sudden.
    „Men can‘t multitask, it’s better if you explain things to them one at a time.“, they might say.
    (It’s really valuable advice,too!)
    Also, relationship anecdotes now come with the addendum of, „this goes for both genders.“
    A long, long while back, there was this article and comment thread on here, about coming out in the medical field. It was mostly run by closeted med students.
    I was super sick and loopy at the time and came across as preying on the nurses in my comment, I think, because in my advocating pro coming out, I got attacked something harsh.
    But this is what I actually meant.
    Last weekend, I went to this two day Cardiologic conference and it was an old boys club through and through. I was making an „all male speakers“ joke, even before the single female interventionalist got interrupted during her lecture and subsummarised by the host of the panel, something that didn’t happen to anyone else and is super rude.
    And I feel, that if you look at it from the outside, that’s what you see, the all male club of chiefs and only nichés for women and neoconservative expectations.
    But on the other hand, I basically live at work half of the time, and I must say, that in the thick of things, the places where reality and people mesh, and where I have chosen to forego the everpresent pronoun game, I have been surprised pretty much most of the time in the best of ways.
    What I‘m trying to say is, I think, things are not always what they seem from the outside, and I’m super touched, that now the general consensus seems to be, „Oh, she’s gay! So she’s always so fed up with the guys because she hasn’t learned to be patient with men,yet!“
    I don’t know if that’s a skill I‘ll ever entirely master, though.

  23. A type. Are you recently divorced? Still have the tan lines from your wedding ring? Not quite over it? Not ready to be dating, but on a dating app anyway? Will you make me like you a lot- only before deciding that you aren’t quite ready to be doing this? Yep, I may have a type. Ugh.

  24. someone at camp told me once that my type is “shirley manson femme” and i think that just about sums it up. usually girls who do their makeup better than me and look like they could kick my ass.

  25. OK so apparently I have two types also! First is short thick femmes of color who are lazy high femmes – like, makeup is ON POINT but they don’t shave or whatever, have exquisite fashion sense but usually wear really comfy shit, and they always seem to be social workers? And I can’t find a pic example except my current gf but I’m not gonna post her picture here (y’all will be too jealous cuz she’s super cute).

    The OTHER is tall thin black naturalista femmes like these lovely folks:

    Though I’ve dated folks of all genders, races, and body types, I’ve noticed these “types” keep finding me over and over…

  26. My ‘type’ is entirely based on personality, not style, body type, or gender presentation etc.
    I like women and nb people who are extroverted, intellectually curious, confident yet humble, and relatively relaxed.

  27. I honestly have no idea. I haven’t done much dating, and I haven’t had a crush on anyone since 2014 (I keep meaning to log onto dating sites, but I just get too busy). No idea.

    I’ve definitely had a penchant in the past for developing crushes on straight women (or queer women who are in monogamous relationships), but that seems to be completely in the past. So the closest I guess I have to a type is “unavailable.”

  28. Celebrity crush: Abby Wambach (I had never had a celebrity crush until I read her memoir and I was like “yup this one for sure.”)

    General type: butch-y athlete types (primarily rugby players but other sports will do!), bigger than me (or least my size), good politics or at least is willing to get more politically engaged
    Also my avoidant attachment style means my type is also (1) emotionally unavailable (2) moving out of the state/country in the next few months or (3) in a relationship or some combination of the three. (I’m working on it with my therapist!)

    (Also this is my favorite open thread to read through. I love everyone’s super specific or super not specific responses!)

  29. I have a strong type, to the point where my friends can point them out in a crowd before I do 😬 Small folks with great cheekbones who are hella free-spirited (often artistic), social butterfly/loners, and dominant. Usually Leos.

    I also cause a lot of people I date to realize that they are into Jews..? Like they didn’t know before but somehow I make them realize the pattern?

  30. i have an extremely powerful and enduring crush on rachel maddow, but she’s sort of the lone holdover from my previous type, which has changed substantially. when i was first coming out to myself my type was academic butches with classical, aquiline faces and commanding fire-sign presences until i realized that it was more of a “want to be you” than a “want you” situation. like the hero’s journey, all that i seek is already within me!
    but really and truly, my type is: air or water signs; long hair, especially red, blonde, or gray; wears a lot of chambray and denim; regular at the farmers market; prefers reds to whites and stouts to IPAs; earthy, grows her own veggies; tall, willowy; freckles, especially full-body freckles; well-read, musical/literary/artsy; affable and social, likes to host parties; laughs at my jokes/listens to my stories/keeps my leo ego fed; likes to travel and adventure; i’m getting caught up in this fantasy woman and need to take a break!
    actual crushes, though? i die for julianne moore. the red hair and freckles just kill me. jessica chastain is stunning. lupita nyong’o radiates pure, ethereal beauty and light, sometimes i gasp when i see pictures of her because she looks like a deity. gillian anderson — i mean, come on. have you seen her new platinum hair? it is A. LOOK. cate blanchett could punch me in the face and i’d thank her. but really and truly my heart will always belong to my root, laura dern, who i’m pretty sure made me gay when i was like eight and watched jurassic park. eight-year-old me had great taste! i still have a huge crush on her over a decade later. laura dern, i tip my toaster oven to you.

  31. i’m kind of interested in soft butch type folks / masculine of center people. like tig notaro, kristen stewart, etc. but i’m also into studs and hard butches like young MA. i have a major crush on Kehlani rn. Janelle Monae is also a big crush.

    i find girls/trans/nonbinary folks with tattoos and cute hats gorgeous.

    as i explore my own identity (i am usually quite femme) i am discovering that i’m slightly interested in presenting a little more butch lately. anyway. a task for me right now is figuring out how to style my braids to match my outfits. if anyone out here can point me in the right direction, let me know!

    also i’m so bad at using autostraddle to meet people but i would like queer people to talk to me about dogs, (preferably corgis) memes, books, and anything political. let’s chat!

  32. Hannah Hart made me realize I was gay and that type has stayed pretty true since my girlfriend looks very similar. Smol undercut soft femme/neutral is how I describe her. Also just being witty, adorable and willing to engage in fun banter and deep conversations is a plus.
    My other type is Kate Mckinnon but I also want to be Kate Mckinnon? That age old queer dilemma.
    I am my girlfriend’s type as well. She likes strong, dark haired women. (she also likes red heads but my winning personality makes up for my lack of red hair). Bonus points to me as well for having curly hair and being a nerdy bro-femme.

  33. Indecent kicked me directly in the center of the chest, repeatedly and firmly, and also understands me more than I understand myself, I think.

    My type of all types is somewhere between season two Alex Danvers and that lip sync battle video of Jenna Dewan Tatum, in that I like girls with short-ish dark wavy hair who could beat me up.

  34. I loved Indecent and especially Adina Verson! Grateful they shared it with the PBS audience.

    Not sure this is a type, but when I meet someone who is passionate about what they do and has a quick sense of humor, even my voice gets weak in the knees (thanks to Totinos Award winner Lauren for this great turn of phrase).

  35. Back in my ‘maybe I could like boys’ stage, I thought I never had a type because I was so focused on people’s personalities – and don’t get me wrong, personality is still incredibly crucial! When I felt comfy being me and allowed myself to crush away, though, I absolutely found a trend.

    I fall so hard for masculine-presenting women. If they are also STEM-loving and tolerant of puns…I’m a goner.

    Excuse me while I fetch myself a fan – it’s so hot in here all of a sudden. 😉

  36. Ooooh boi this goes several ways.
    The type I wish was my type: scary, brooding people (like April from Parks and Rec, or KStew). I am not actually confident enough to even like these people in real life, it is completely a fantasy.

    The type I actually date: more butch-ish, very outgoing people. Mostly because I need to be dragged out of my shell and they are all over it. And I’m not intimidated by them like I am of femmes cause I’m also masc-presenting so it’s familiar.

    The type I’m fairly sure will actually be the right type for me: earthy tomboy femme. I just need to find a cute, soft, warm, quiet farmer girl. She probably wears carhartts and makes jam and has chickens in the backyard. Someday when I have my emotional shit together maybe I can actually date this kind of person.

  37. This has been so fun to read through. It’s also fun to see someone’s response and be like “oh I’m your type!”

    My type? Androgyny takes my breath away and makes me cross my legs, you know? But my androgynous crushes have also made me blush and look away so often that I could barely hold a conversation.

    like so many others I don’t have only one type though, i am also a big fan of sporty butch women. I love celebrating them and being around them and being part of their soft side. I’m sorry to be soooo stereotypical here but. Just a big fan.

  38. In hypothetical situations my type is much too tall for me and has red hair and likes dogs and has a thing for short and fat ladies.

    In real life my type is Anyone Who Is Nice To Me.

    In celebrities, I’m not sure I have a type. Katie McGrath can call me. But for that matter, so can Amy Adams and 1940s Gene Tierney, so whatever. Moving pictures are for making dreams you didn’t even know you had come true, right?

  39. It used to be redheads, but then I had a massive heartbreak with a redhead (which was mostly me being an idiot) and now they’re ruined for me forever.

    The girls I’ve had anything to do with have run the gamut, though Dominatrix Joan Jett is a pretty easy knee-getter. (On reflection, one of my best friends / First Big Oh Shit I’m Gay Crush seemed a lot like this before I even knew who Joan Jett or domination was. having been friends with her for half my life now, though, I think she’s more of a sub and just plays a domme on TV, sort of literally.)

    My sexuality has had some interesting shifts; my current iteration, as explained to a friend, is “90% girls 10% the gayer (and fey-er) the guy the better”, which is counter-productive because the gayer the guy the less likely they’d want anything to do with me sexually or romantically. Y’ALL ARE PRETTY WHAT AM I TO DO

  40. My type is fun, wholesome, nerdy girls with cute short hair who look like they still shop at Pac Sun or the teen boy section or wherever, who think laser tag is a fun idea for a date. Bonus points if they can skateboard. Celebrity crush: Hannah Hart.

    Also, my coworker and I usually let each other swipe for each other on dating apps and she is always like “YOU ONLY SWIPE RIGHT FOR GIRLS WITH SHORT HAIR” which is not true but that’s her impression of my type.

  41. Alaina you may have broken the internet with this thread ! Is this the most popular post ever ?

    My type : smaller than me so I can wrap the woman in my arms and hold her real close. I love a good strong nose. Deep soulful eyes. Aware and accepting with herself, her foibles, her strengths. Comfortable with silence, but also able to say things. A nice voice, an infectious laugh.
    Most importantly, my type is someone who loves and respects me.

  42. I always said I didn’t have a type, but I realized that I was just embarrassed to say “myself, but more dominant and less white.”

    Type that’s traditionally terrible for me (but makes me weak in the knees): Confident Bette Porter types (butch or femme) who know who they are, run the show, care about their work (which is artistic in some way) like it’s a lover, and I think will actually change the world. They’re probably a little arrogant. Basically a younger, hot, queer Meryl Streep from The Devil Wears Prada. Usually these women are femmes, but I’ve met a few butches like this who took my breath away. Problem is women who are that passionate about their work don’t have time for relationships and I need to both give and receive validation to feel secure with a lover.

    Type that’s awesome for me but we may be too much alike/I’m always afraid we’d never get anything done: Creative, gentle, confident while humble, dependable, passionate, physically affectionate romantics. Bonus points on being a nerd, liking to model for paintings, and being more outgoing than me. Someone who has already done the work to know who they are and how to communicate effectively.

    So basically artsy, slytherin types who want to take over the world or slytherins who everyone thinks at first are hufflepuffs but under the surface they’re super passionate and ambitious. Power couple material.

  43. Either:
    Flaming red hair with pale skin and bright blue eyes. Seems sweet but with a glint in her eye so you know she can take you down verbally in an argument with a second thought

    Or:
    Apparently women with the name “Carmen” which started with Carmen Cortez in Spy Kids as a child until I graduated to Carmen de la Pica Morales. Women totally out of my league.

    My brunette girlfriend asked if she should dye her hair red to which I replied no because I’d get absolitely nothing done.

  44. I have two types:

    1) Androgynous dyke, gender queer, or gender fuck person with the gayest hair imaginable usually about 5-10 years older than me with an interest in radical lefty politics and sustainability. May or may not work at a bicycle repair place or a co-op or both (a bicycle repair co-op, perhaps?). Broke as fuck, really into outdoors and sports, and may or may not live in their van.

    2) Anyone wearing a leather jacket who looks like a tough girl or tough gender-non conformist. Sleeve of tattoos, big arm muscles, and an unfortunate 50-50 chance that they are a queer fuckboi who never outgrew their bro-y baby gay phase, is spiralling into alcoholism, and pretends to respect femmes but doesn’t actually. 🙁

    • omg how could i forget that MY type is 5-10 years older than me!!! i love older gays!!

      also i follow someone on IG who kinda fits your type but i can’t tell you who because i don’t know if they wants their business spread like that lmao

      • Yeah, that might be a little mean to name names especially if you think they’re my type #2. An intervention would be more effective that subtly trying to tell them they have a problem via their IG followers. 😉

  45. Listen my TypeTM is boaters. Especially boater women (like I’m p chill with pro boaters and have done fine in past encounters, even if I uh, might have gotten in an argument why I don’t like Jackson kayaks with multiple members of the Jackson family…, but if I even meet Nouria Newman, I’d turn into such a blushing stuttering MESS and would be overwhelmed). I’ve also been known to make some Questionable Decisions re: boater dudes, which whatever it’s fine, but also the product of whitewater being excruciatingly heterosexual. Where are the cute queer women and enbies????

      • Yeah it’s a brand. They were started by a former pro whitewater kayaker (who was not the family member I got in an argument with but the daughter and her husband), but have branched out of just whitewater and into fishing kayaks and maybe some other flatwater boats? Idk I don’t really pay too much attention to flatwater because I find it pretty boring.

        In fairness this was a couple years ago and they’ve put out some newer models that look pretty good–but my issue primarily is that I am solidly too large for their medium boats and WAY too small for their large boats (like “feels like I am paddling an aircraft carrier” too small) and listen I just want a boat with a range that fits and feels comfortable in both lower water and high water.

    • At first read I was thinking “boater” was some sort of queer or bdsm word and I was like “FUCK! I thought I knew all the gay terminology and countercultural lingo by now” before realizing you were just talking about people who love recreational watersports.

    • I’m surprised! I always think of outdoorsy pursuits attracting outdoorsy queer ladies. I have a summer camp root from the canoe instructors, who were girlfriends, so… Hah.

      I am into mountain biking and it’s super full of v cute queer ladies. I would highly recommend a women’s mountain biking clinic if you feel like venturing out of your sport niche! Even if you aren’t exactly into the same thing there might the same feel to it, with it being an outdoors adventure sport.

        • That’s funny! Sorry for the unsolicited suggestion. I am personally an overly cautious sporty/outdoorsy person, which means I love doing it but I’m never very good at it, and also have been opposed to rafting etc. because there are more elements out of my control (moving water). I’ve put thousands of very slow miles in on mountain bike trails but have only fallen once. It can be done! But if you got into boating you may be less overly cautious? Anyway. Good luck with your boating crushes!

  46. I could be into lots of different types of women but I have noticed some trends:

    1) quietly confident, charming, sensitive soft butch types (Shane, Poussey, Kristen Stewart, Ellen Page)
    2) super girly, cute, assertive, organised types (Jackie Burkhart, Betty Cooper, Karma Ashcroft)
    3) witty, extroverted, dominant femmes (Clara Oswald, Cosima Niehaus, Santana Lopez)

    As you can see I get A LOT of fictional character crushes…

  47. I have such a “type” that the last time I had a crush on someone, all of my friends said, oh, so-and-so? Of course.

    Oddly, I am married to an old crush trope that I apparently have been hanging on to since my tween years. Dark haired, sarcastic and skateboards. Fortunately this person has much more depth to them than that because the tween type just doesn’t hold up for very long. Also sarcasm is only cute for so long.

  48. I didn’t realise I had such a girlfriend type until my friends made a joke about all my exes looking the same! Which: only three (3) are tall, lean, muscular, extroverted tomboy, olive-skinned brunettes!!!

    My celebrity crushes are all over the goddamn place but I guess mostly fall into the camp of ‘poised, charming, dark-haired English rose with the potential to ruin me with an arch of a single eyebrow’: eg my long-time loves Lena Headey, Rachel Weisz and Keeley Hawes. Natalie Dormer. Currently majorly crushing on Claire Foy as the Queen, which??!

    But then there’s also something about sultry blonde femmes like Evelyne Brochu and Dianna Agron that kill me in a very different way.

    BUT THEN: Kate McKinnon, obvs. Aubrey Plaza. Zoe Kravitz.

    IDK I just really like women

  49. TBH I don’t have enough relationship experience to confidently say that I have a type, but I can list celebrity crushes: Hayley Kiyoko, Cate Blanchett, Priyanka Chopra, SZA, Karen Gillan. Not sure what they all have in common, aside from all being fairly feminine presenting (most of them being straight probably having a lot to do with that, lol).

    I have a vague idea of being with a woman who’s somewhat taller, who’s a bit domineering but gentle, who has a good taste in fashion, books, art, etc. Basically someone way cooler than me. We could be urbane artsy girlfriends who sip wine and go to poetry readings and quietly browse museums together.

    That being said, real life is different from fantasy, and I don’t think you can always control who you’re attracted to…but that’s the dream.

  50. Oh man, I’m not even sure I know the answer to this question. I feel like I have the type that I’ve tended to be attracted to and then the qualities that I know would be good in a future person. Like in the past femme women who are kind of mean to me and make me work way too hard for scraps of affection has been sort of my type. The ones where I pretend I’m not actually a sensitive soul who feels everything way too deeply and they pretend not to know I am so they can keep being mean. My ex used to refer to me as a croissant due to my soft and squishy nature. So essentially I’m attracted to the people who are the worst for me.

    In theory my type should be passionate and engaged in the world around them. Apathy is the biggest turn off. Smart and witty and a huge nerd or at least endeared by the fact that I am one. Physically active, likes the outdoors, and loves my needy dog as much as I do. Enjoys cuddling but also good with doing things separately times and understands my close platonic friendships and doesn’t do the jealous thing. Low maintenance in certain ways like cool with crashing with friends when traveling or staying at cheapish hotels. Spontaneous and empathic, not judgmental or passive aggressive. The rest is less important, the physical stuff.

    I’m pretty sure Lexa from The 100 is my dream girl but I mean, isn’t she everybody’s? RIP

    • This turned in to some weird combination of a dating profile and me processing all the ways my ex was wrong for me. In my defense I have a lot of feelings and that’s it, that’s my defense. Yeah.

      • We should absolutely be friends! He’s a Moroccan mutt I got while I was in the Peace Corps so I have no clue what kind he is. Hopefully this attempt to post a picture will work. [img]https://i.imgur.com/XZRBzE8.jpg[/img]

        • Aaaaah I love him! <3 He's so happy about playing in the snow. Thank you so much for sharing! And your kind reply; that's so cool you were in the Peace Corp! In Morocco, sounds amazing! *jealous* Hahah yeah Straddler friends are the best. Alas I have no cool living abroad stories but would enjoy hearing yours.

          I don't have a dog but I love my friend's dog Brodie as if he were my own. Here he is yawning at the dog beach in San Diego. Some kind of Corgi mix, 100% Very Good Dog.

          • Awww yay puppies! A lot of my living abroad stories are just about how pathetic or stupid we were, it’s not actually that exciting for the most part haha. It is where I discovered Autostraddle though due to lack of IRL queerness which was another benefit of my time there 🙂

  51. Quiet soft butch or androgynous presenting, bookish, glasses (I definitely have a thing for glasses that I didn’t fully realize until recently), short hair

    Oops I just described my current (like, the past two years) hardcore crush who is in a relationship

  52. I have a diverse dating/crush history, but all the women tend to be feminine, nerdy, funny, adventurous, a boss (a leader), and older than me. Oh and glasses….There’s Something about nearly blind women that makes my heart race. My crush is basically Bette Porter, but I think I’m similar to Bette in many ways. So I guess I should just date myself.

  53. I love reading all of your types, especially the ones that are super specific. A friend told me if they rolled up all my exes into one she would be a bi femme Jewish therapist with good politics and horrible boundaries.

    They’re not wrong…

    But since this also describes the person who I was in the worst relationship with, it isn’t like I’m looking to recreate that exact match.

    I’d probably say brunettes of a variety of identities, usually femme, smart and exceedingly verbal. I also tend to go for other Aries. I love sports but almost always end up dating people who know and like zero about sports, lol.

  54. Honestly if you polled my friends they would say “cute trans girls,” “girls who have gay haircuts” and “queers who are too alt-life for you, you square.” As you can imagine there is a lot of overlap between these categories.

    I definitely spent some time trying to date girls who were too alt-life or chaos for it to really work before I met my current partner, who I think is what my type secretly was all along I just didn’t know it.

      • Alt-life like “alternative lifestyle” but not in a derogatory way? Though it would be cooler if I were dating ghosts or vampires tbh.

        Reading about your type that basically seems to be what I mean? People who live in vans! Tough girls with lots of tattoos who play in punk bands! These are great people who are so bad for me because I need a certain kind of predictability and stability in order to feel safe in a relationship. Part of me wants to be cool and spontaneous and down for whatever, but in reality I want to share our google calendars and stay home and make dinner most nights.

  55. I love this conversation so much. My type apparently tends toward Ginas (Gina Torres, Gina Gershon, Gina Carano). Also Yancy Butler, Sue Perkins, Juliet Binoche in Chocolat. With the possible exception of Sue Perkins, there’s something that seems to me to be simultaneously masculine and feminine about all of them in the roles I know them for (but not as in androgynous. Say, I think about Zoe in Serenity, who is simultaneously one of the boys and also unbelievably powerfully feminine). Also competence and a streak of mischief a/o wickedness. *sigh* Thank you for the delightful excuse to look at some lovely, lovely photos…

  56. I’m so late on this thread because I had commenting issues! But a crush thread is eternal, right?

    My crush on Jessica Paré has definitely given me a thing for a whole category of tall, lanky girls with interesting smiles.

    Rebecca Hall also falls in that category.

    But in addition I have a thing for shorter, stockier butches with a certain confidence. Maybe a little swagger. Just a little.

  57. My friends are always digging into me for falling for my opposites. I’m constantly crushing on the smart, serious, type A girls. Maybe it’s cuz I like the challenge of getting them to laugh and lighten up, but can you blame me? If you’ve ever made some work-a-holic chick take a break from final studying to go watch your game…it’s like winning the lottery.

  58. Okay so it’s literal months later, but somehow I have just now found this open thread and I have a *pressing need* to talk about my types. I read all the comments, thought ‘no one really quite described any of my types here’ and also ‘WOW a lot of people are into butches and I’m just not, at all, in any way.’ Then I thought about how I’d describe my various types, made a list, emailed it to myself, and felt the need to come back. So here I am. I should probably add that I’m bi, but most of my types are women. I pretty much only have one male type, and it’s on this list twice (for reasons). These types may be combined; I am currently dating a 3, 4, (currently) 6, with a good amount of 2, and my ex-fiancee is 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, and 10.

    1. Harry Styles
    2. Nerdy, independent, probably bi femmes with long, probably brown, hair
    3. Libras, Pisces, or those on the cusp of either one (also probably Sagitarrii, but I have never actually dated one, to my knowledge); signs I don’t mesh with relationship-wise are Aries and Gemini
    4. Hufflepuffs or Hufflepuff mixes (I have dated more than one Slytherpuff, for example).
    5. Anyone with a really good sense of humor, especially someone whose sense of humor that I can play off of, who is good-natured and not arrogant about being funny, and ideally doesn’t mind being super silly sometimes
    6. Redheads.
    7. Lanky trans women with devastating smiles
    8. Soft femmes (not too girly/definitely not high femmes – but long/medium hair, feminine face, soft beautiful voice, etc. – see Ashley Johnson [of Critical Role and various other acting and voice acting things], for example) make me weak in the knees
    9. Men who are distinctly Not Masculine and also look between roughly 18 and 30; long hair is a big plus (but only if they are already attractive regardless!)
    10. Historically speaking, people whose mental health issues distinctly Do Not Mesh with mine 🙁
    11. Crooked side teeth is Such A Thing for me
    12. Basically me with long hair on days I think I’m hot/how I see myself or wish I was, even though my perception of myself in this way is often pretty off; sorry this is not v. descriptive, you’re just gonna have to deal with it

    I ended my email telling myself to “have fun thinking about all your unattainable crushes” which I have to say was pretty mean, but ah well, I will probably go continue to do that now. Thanks for this excellent thread, Alaina! Sorry I’m a million years late to it.

Contribute to the conversation...

You must be logged in to post a comment.