FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: Premieres and Finales

Hi, beautiful humans! Welcome to this week’s dazzling Friday Open Thread! It’s May! Which means it’s almost the best time of the year: Gemini Season. I hope I have not immediately scared anyone away, but yes, I am a Gemini, and yes I am already ready to thrive and destroy in a few weeks time. Tell me all about your entire birth chart, please.

image by Rory Midhani

image by Rory Midhani

How was your week? Mine was full of sparkling water, Shonda Rhimes, and dark chocolate. In other words, IT WAS AN AMAZING WEEK. I just moved to New York from Chicago, and life has been crazy. I don’t exactly know where I’m living yet, which is scary (and exciting?! Nope, mostly just scary), but for now I’m staying with my girlfriend in Williamsburg. She has cable, so it’s working out very nicely.

My first several days in New York were spent exactly the same way I spent most of my days in Chicago (and my days in Los Angeles before that and my days in Ann Arbor before that): Writing, writing, writing. Specifically, I finished writing the second season of Sidetrack this week. Sidetrack is a queer webseries I co-created almost exactly a year ago. You can read more about it here! And if you have watched the show, please tell me what you think! Do you have a favorite character? Here’s a fun fact for viewers: The emoji list is a real thing that SOMEONE I know used to do. (Me. The someone is me.)

And with my shameless plug out of the way, I can now tell you about the other things I did this week! Hmm, in actuality, I didn’t do much other than write Sidetrack and work. I watched a lot of TV, because that’s sort of my job. Specifically, I watched The Catch, Jane The Virgin, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, The Good Wife, and Outlander. I also finally got around to watching the reunion episodes of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills, and wow, Erika Jayne/Girardi and Yolanda Foster’s friendship is beautiful. Full disclosure: I watch a lot of Bravo programming. Stassi Schroeder of Vanderpump Rules is on my phone case. What did YOU watch this week and how did it make you feel?

Y’all,The Good Wife is ending forever this coming Sunday, and I’m very conflicted about it! For so long, it was my favorite shows on television. The fifth season is probably one of the best seasons of television I have ever seen. I’m still extremely bitter about where things went for Kalinda, but I’ve loved this show pretty steadfastly through the years. The past two seasons have been pretty awful though, so its time is definitely up. It’s hard for me when shows end, even when I’ve fallen somewhat out of love with them.

My favorite will-they/won't-they couple

My favorite will-they/won’t-they couple

Thinking about The Good Wife this week made me very nostalgic, and then my nostalgia took a weird turn and led me to some of my old journals from elementary school. I’ve been thinking a lot recently about why I became a writer and if it’s the right path for me. I think moving to New York has unearthed these feelings again. So many people move to New York to ~be writers~. Is that who I am? In the not-too-distant past, I had lofty political ambitions, but I ended up abandoning those to jump into the nebulous and constantly changing world of culture writing and criticism. Well, friends, I don’t have any real answers to the Big Questions about my life and what the hell I’m doing here in New York, but my journals from elementary school very strongly confirmed that I was destined to write about film and television one day. For the first entry in my third grade journal, my teacher asked us to write a little bit about ourselves and what we did over the summer. I ended up just writing a very detailed plot synopsis of Mighty Joe Young. Instead of telling my teacher about myself, I told her all about Charlize Theron. It was my first celebrity profile. My journals also contained several reimaginings of the musical Grease, a poem about Jennifer Lopez, and Mary-Kate & Ashley fanfiction in which I essentially wrote myself in as their gay best friend. The next time a member of my family asks why I gave up a life of politics to write about fake lawyers and fake investigators and fake 1940s war nurses who accidentally travel back in time to 18th-century Scotland, I will point to my journals and say that they should have seen the signs.

What about you? Do you have journals or art from your past that still speak to you or make you realize things about yourself? Post excerpts from your journals and we can all appreciate them together! How do series finales make you feel? Where do you think Kalinda Sharma is RIGHT NOW? Don’t you think there should be a Shonda Rhimes amusement park? I do. Oh on that note, I decided I’m going to catch up on the seasons of Grey’s Anatomy I missed. AM I GOING TO REGRET IT?

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, short stories, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the assistant managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear or are forthcoming in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 815 articles for us.


  1. I always find series finales odd, usually because I’ve quit watching the show by then but I decide to come back for the finale to see how they wrap it all up. But then I’m not really emotionally invested anymore, so it all falls flat and I just shrug and think nothing more than “Oh, that’s how it ends. Okay, then.”

    Anyway, congrats on the move to the Big City ™! I hope it all works out just the way you hope! I’m in need of a move, but it won’t happen til fall at the earliest. I’m jealous that you have a sense of “i should be doing x” that you can see signs of in your childhood – when I was a kid I could never say what i wanted to be when i grew up, and I still have no idea what to do with myself when it comes to making money. I’m thinking about law school, but I’d be 32 by the time i’d start and i worry that’s a bit old…

    Speaking of, I should get back to LSAT prep. Have fun this weekend for me, everyone!

    • There are very few series finales that I’ve actually enjoyed. The first that comes to mind is Angel.

      Go to law school if that’s what you want! I don’t think the age thing matters as much as some people might have you believe. I used to want to go to law school but then I realized I just wanted to be Alicia Florrick (I also used to want to go to med school but then I realized I just wanted to be Meredith Grey…so this is a recurring pattern) Good luck on the LSAT prep!

      • One of my friends finished law school last year and I just went to her 40th birthday party and she’s moving on and up and so happy, you should definitely go for if you want to!

    • My fiancee went to law school right out of undergrad, but she says being a twenty-something actually put her in a minority of students. Many of her classmates were in their thirties and decided to go to law school after working in other fields for a number of years.

    • Thirty-two is definitely not old for law school. I went right out of undergrad and I was in the minority for the age demographic. A lot of people choose law school later. And echoing everyone else, if it’s what you want to do, make it happen! I’m happy to talk law school if you’re interested in picking the brain of a recent grad. Good luck on the LSAT!!!

  2. We got cabin assignments yesterday for camp! And I don’t know how to know if I know anybody in my cabin because it’s our real names!

    Hang on gotta say “know” one more time lol

    • I saw that FOT was up and immediately realised I don’t know your name and can’t find you on the list!

      • I just found you though! Caitlin + Cardiff, too easy :-D

        I am in Area 51 – yellow – and I don’t even recognize the names of my captains! But I’m sure it will be awesome!

        • The cabin list! A-Camp is starting to seem more real. I can’t believe I’m actually going on a vacation all by myself to meet so many lovely strangers who soon may be friends! I do admit that I checked out all of the names for the people in my cabin on facebook. Between names and locations I found several.

    • So excited for Camp Assignments! I’m in the Hell’s Angels. If anyone else is, give me a shoutout.

      I went out for drinks with my bestie last night (she knows about A-Camp and calls it “Queer Chick Birthright” ?) and I told her the name of my cabin and she said, “They put you with all of the badasses who will be sneaking off camp at 2am. I’ve seen plenty of teen movies to know what’s up.”

  3. I just need an E! True Hollywood story about The Good Wife, like, yesterday. How is it that we can get all this gossip about BTS shenanigans on the set of Castle and Glee but nothing on The Good Wife? Come ON.

    I tried posting a couple of earlier comments about my excitement over the new trailer for Park Chan-wook’s The Handmaiden but I guess it got held up in comment purgatory because I posted a suspicious link? Tried to embed via the instructions here but that didn’t work either. Oh well. I’m sure everyone knows how to youtube anyway. And this serves as an advance apology if those comments are eventually let out of purgatory and you end up seeing duplicate comments from me.

    • I will check out the trailer and get back to you with my thoughts!!

      And YES where is the BTS of The Good Wife tell-all series? Or at least an unauthorized Lifetime movie about all the drama?! I need it. I’m hoping that once the show is finally over for good, Archie ends up spilling the tea. I NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING

      • Archie’s one tweet calling bullshit on her availability was delicious, I need more of that stat.

        I’m a bit wary about The Handmaiden because I heard that it deviates enough from Fingersmith enough so that while Sarah Waters apparently liked the script, she also asked Park to change the tagline, “based on Sarah Waters’ Fingersmith” to “inspired by Sarah Waters’ Fingersmith.” I’m not a book purist, but I’m slightly worried about what changes we’re talking about, especially if it was enough for Waters to ask for that particular change.


        • Maybe I’m going too far down the rabbithole here, but all the Archie drama has started to make me think that there’s much more to the story of Josh Charles’ departure from the show…and Matthew Goode, too

          • Remember when Julianna Marg… I’m not gonna even try to spell it misunderstood a question at a season one press conference and got really offended and also implied that The Good Wife was the first cable TV show to show (well, imply) a man going down on a woman?

            Because I Do

            Back then I had a twitter account devote to snark watching TV and also a YouTube channel that I have, thankfully, obliterated from the Internet

            TWoP had a really large impact on me during an impressionable age

  4. Hello lovelies !
    What a nice week this was :) the weather has been amazing here in the UK. Last weekend I was in Bristol couchsurfing, did three gigs in three nights (finishing with Mark Lanegan in Birmingham!), everybody became nuts over Leicester City winning the trophy, and I WENT ON A DATE with an amazing girl and i can’t wait to go on a second date with her.

    This weekend I get a hair cut and hopefully some new clothes, and I go hiking under the sun in the Peak District. Hooray!

    I hate season finales because it means my shows are gone for a while. Like Orphan Black is almost halfway through the season and that sucks because I’ve been enjoying it so much !

    HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND everyone, you’re all beautiful and loved and your best selves <3.

    • Yay for good dates with amazing girls! And DOUBLE YAY for a second date!


      Enjoy the Peak District, bearer of bad news.

  5. I don’t have an account at the AV Club (truthfully, Autostraddle is the only place on the internet, other than social media, where I actually post comments) but I just wanted to tell you OMG KAYLA I LOVE YOUR OUTLANDER RECAPS!

    Since we’re talking nostalgia, I will say that I’ve been a huge fan of the books since I read them for the first time at age 12 or 13, and I’ve read the series MANY times over since then. But I really appreciate your unspoiled take on the series. I think it’s done a FANTASTIC job so far of adapting the series to television, while also hewing very closely to the original text.

    Since we’re also talking about premieres and finales here, re: the Outlander season 1 finale, I actually avoided watching it until season 2 aired, because those chapters of the book were so hard to read, I knew they’d be even worse to watch, visually. But I was SO PLEASED with how the show handled those super uncomfortable, difficult to watch events, unlike SOME shows (*cough* GoT *cough*).

    • Thank you! I love writing about Outlander so much. I have completely given up on GOT and keep trying to convince people to watch Outlander instead haha. Writing about that season finale was really hard for me, too. But overall, it’s a great show to cover. I always have a LOT to say (tbh I could probably write thousands of words about the costuming alone…the details in that show are impeccable).

  6. I did watch Sidetrack! I don’t know that I had a favorite character but Radhika reminded me of a friend of mine, so maybe her.

    This week I only watched some NWSL while eating lunch at work. Tonight I’m seeing that movie about the stolen cat? Has anyone seen that? I haven’t read anything about it.

    I moved this week! So I’ve been busy switching stuff over, getting a parking permit, etc. Roommate/room situation is pretty ok. Some great stuff in the plus column, some mostly minor stuff in the negative. This will probably be my last attempt to live with guys–is it still stereotyping if I have the dirty counters to back it up?

    • For purely narcissistic reasons, I’m so happy to hear that Radhika was one of your favorites! She’s based entirely on me haha. It was pretty wild to watch someone play MYSELF. Your friend sounds GREAT lol

      I must confess that I have never heard of this movie about a stolen cat…sounds intriguing

      • Oh I didn’t realize that! Well then I think you and I would get along, lol

        I described that movie in maybe the lamest way possible. It’s that Key & Peele comedy, Keanu. I’ve not really seen a lot of their sketch show, but my sister says they’re hilarious so we’ll see!

        • OH I actually DO know what movie you’re talking about. I love Key & Peele. I highly recommend the show

  7. I have the urge to steal the helicopter outside the hospital, while I wait for the office across the street to open. Thanks GTA for giving me the idea that I can pull off anything I set my mind to.

    • Did you ever steal a police helicopter? I did that with Trevor in GTA V. Fun times! Almost as much fun as driving a tank!

      Though I’m pretty sure I’d fail miserably at both of those in real life. :p

      • Is anyone else genuinely touched by the relationship between Michael and Franklin in GTA V?????? Just me??????? I feel like they really care about each other!!!

        • “It’s either this or back to dealing dime bags. The bullets come flying at your ass either way.” Isn’t that how Franklin put it? =)

          But yeah, I think you’re right. And the ending where Trevor dies (but why would you do that?!) has shades of that too, even with the way Michael and Franklin are after that. But in the actual game, outside of the story missions, the Franklin-Michael hangout sessions kinda drive that home too, the conversations they have.

          Speaking of hanging out, did you ever have Trevor and Lamar hang out together? They get along amazingly well! Total BFFs! It’s adorable.

          Also, there should be a side story featuring Lamar, Amanda, and Chef. How hilarious would that be?

      • I did steal one and kept crashing it because my controller was all sorts of messed up. But it was sooooooo fun! Did anyone like the flight school? I loved it more than stealing! …… Well no that’s a butt faced lie, but I did enjoy it more than those parachute challenges with Franklin.

        • It took me a bit to get the flying down, but once I did, I had a blast with it. And then had a I had a blast with the flight school.

          With Franklin, I also really liked the street races.

          I even got into tennis and golf in the game!

    • Oh, GTA. Once in real life, in a period when I’d been playing a lot of GTA IV, I was stopped at a red light and heard police sirens. My first instinct was to reach into the passenger’s seat with my right hand and lift my left elbow to the window. Why? To grab my submachine gun and then smash out my own glass so I could defend myself if necessary. Obviously.

      I took a break from playing after that.

      • But you only had a one-star wanted level at that point, so you were probably okay! =)

      • I always get startled and duck when I hear a cop. My gaming insticts tell me to hide against the nearest wall or bush lol. But then I remember this isn’t a game and laugh nervously. ?

        • I love that all of these people play video games that sound like real life only hyperbolic, while meanwhile I am like “and then the 8-bit crocodile threw an oil barrel at me!”

          • “…and then Pontiff Sulyvahn hit me with his giant fire sword while calling in his spirit clone buddies to help him.”

  8. I don’t have much art work from my youth as drawing skipped me(my mother’s good at it, as it my sister and father). On the other hand I still have the projects I made in woodshop. Two boxes(on in middle school and one in HS) and the tv/entertainment stand(HS). Odd, it’s been a long time since I even acknowledged that made those things. I have looked at old writing I have done, and most of it had me wishing I had some of the knowledge I had now. I’m sure I am not the only one?

    I saw the new video Radiohead released today and Thom is starting to show his age, which bummed me out a little. Like I’m in my 30’s but slowly being a boring and tired queer. Is that suppose to happen? Some of that has to do with my persistence with telling my Pops not to gender me, and he insisting he can call me whatever he wants. He also uses the old and incorrect argument of what’s down your pants defines you. Maybe if I didn’t have to deal with that I wouldn’t be so tired? But, I’ll keep pressing on.
    On the plus side, I took my car to the shop and got A/C working(will see how long that last), which is great cause LA can get hot yo. I’m also excited to go to the queer bar crawl, which the host say is for gals and non-binary pals going to queer bomb queer bars for men. Also, Long Beach pride is coming up and found a few interesting events, like Transgender karaoke, and a ladies party with go-go dancers(which I think one post promised the dancers won’t be straight?).

    Found more graffiti

    Thank you for viewing and reading my post. Have a positive weekend!

    • A lot of my past writing definitely makes me wish I knew things I now know. I wrote some particularly embarrassing “Facebook notes” back in the day. I always wanted to take a woodshop class!

      I’m sorry to hear that about your Pops.

      For what it’s worth, you don’t seem boring to me! Have a good weekend <3

      • Thank you! Maybe it’s more of a boring atmosphere(not the rapper, he’s never boring), than me being actually boring.

  9. welcome to NY! the weather here has been so utterly ridiculous, i never know what to wear these days lol

    camp assignment emails were sent yesterday and ahhh so excited to meet everyone!

    when a series ends i get this empty feeling and it’s the worst. i’m feeling that way about Castle right now. the series isn’t necessarily ending, but the leading female character (Kate Beckett) isn’t coming back next season.

    i admire the woman who plays her (Stana Katic) and it really sucks that they could just write her off as if she hasn’t been an integral part of the show. sigh. idk. it’s all just so damn…poopy.

    anyways how is everyone else’s week going?!

    • Omg seriously what is UP with this weather?! I left a lot of my warmer clothes at my parents’ house in Virginia because I thought it was supposed to be SPRING.

      I haven’t watched Castle in years, but I am such a fangirl for Stana. I can’t believe she’s getting written off!!! My friend Mo wrote a really great piece about how women have been so disposable on TV as of late. It’s a good read!

  10. I came a cross a bunch of my old “mixed tapes” I made in high school and I have been listening to them while I work. I never realized how much my 15 year old self was full of angst and anger.

    Last weekend I watched the entire 4th season of Person of Interest, I wanted to be up to date for the season premiere this week. Season 4 left me with so many feelings that I had to decompress before I could start season 5. I really makes me sad that this will be the last season.

      • It’s so worth it! The first half of the first season is sort of typical CBS baddy of the week, but it’s still a ton of fun. By the end of the first season it’s incredible.

  11. Happy Weekend!

    Is being a Gemini bad? I’ve never been into astrology much, so I’m not sure, and I don’t really know what my birth chart says either. Maybe it says “She was born on this day and at this time.” :p

    My week was alright, thanks! I finished my second run-through of Dark Souls 3, and next week, Uncharted 4 and Doom are both released. So many games, so little time!

    I hope your move went okay and that you’re doing okay in your new city, Kayla. You sound like you were a cute little kid! I don’t have any journals (never really been my thing) or artsy things; I’m never really been all that great with creative stuff either, lol. =)

    And for the other stuff: How series finales make me feel depend on the series in question, I had to look up who Kalinda Sharma is (but my guess is that she’s currently on her show, ha ha), a Shonda Rhimes amusement park would probably be pretty neat, and I don’t know if you’ll regret catching with Grey’s Anatomy (Personally, I’ve enjoyed it, but that’s just me).

    • I keep catching the tail end of Grey’s Anatomy episodes from the current season, and it’s definitely sucking me back in.

      My move went very well, thanks! Apartment hunting is a slog, but I’m sure things will start looking up soon :)

    • “Is being a Gemini bad?”


      Gemini = best sign.

      Go, Geminis!

      //knows nothing about astrology

    • None of the signs are *bad* – they all have strengths and weaknesses. Unfortunately, I don’t know enough about the different signs to say what the Gemini ones are :(

  12. Every time I see the Shondaland logo I think about what the Shonda theme park would be like. Mainly because the animated blurb used to be this like uplifting “wheee” sound and now IT’S ON FIRE.

    Pretty sure, when you go in to Shondaland, you have to sign a waiver that says the park is not liable in the event of your imminent death and/or the cutting of your LVAD wires.

    I’m at LAX and I’m SO early for my flight and this FOT is giving me life. Also second Bloody Mary? Yes or no?

  13. The most exciting thing in my life right now is that my fiancee passed the Connecticut bar exam! She didn’t pass the first time, which was devastating for her. Taking it the second time was not quite a hail mary, since she planned to take the MA bar exam if she failed CT again, but it was close. The what ifs were frightening for both of us even though I was and still am confident that she’d be able to make her way in the world no matter what. But she passed. She passed! And so today we are going to get dinner and then taste some wedding cake, so this is a good Friday.

    I’ve never kept a journal for any length of time, and I am a chronic Destroyer of Memories. If I find a childhood journal, I will inevitably destroy it. I don’t know why. I wouldn’t say I’m not sentimental, because I do hold on to things that remind me of days gone by. I just don’t hang on to them permanently. I dig through old things and remember and remember, until one day I find myself flipping through 12-year-old-me’s “Story Folder”, as I’ve done many times before, find a Dragonball Z Civil War-era AU fanfiction and for the first time have no feelings about it. So I get rid of it. That whole story folder went in the trash the day I moved out of my parents’ house for good.

    Those bits and pieces just stop talking to me after a point. The conversation runs its course. Maybe I reach points in my life where the now is more fulfilling than the past could be. I certainly feel that way now. But I also felt that way a few years ago, and even then I found old writing and drawings and the nostalgia that came with them. Maybe it just takes that long to solve the puzzle of myself at that age… maybe at 25, I finally have the distance to understand who I was at 12. I wonder.

    • Congratulations to you and your fiancee! That’s incredible. As a total side note, I just went to Connecticut for the first time EVER. It was beautiful. Even though it’s not how I am at all, I kind of understand your relationship with your old journals. If nothing else, the title Destroyer Of Memories is pretty badass.

      I’m the kind of person who CAN’T get rid of old things like that, especially writing. I hold onto it all, even when it sometimes feels like it was written by a completely different person than who I am now.

  14. Series finales make me feel so much loss. I had a strange experience the other day watching scrubs on Netflix. I hadn’t watched when it was in tv and the series finale goodbye episode was closely followed by a new season with the same characters?

    Grey’s is worth the turmoil because of all of the emotions!

    • My girlfriend actually won’t watch the final seasons of the shows she loves until way, way after they’re done airing. It takes her a long time to be ready to part ways with a show…apparently, she still hasn’t watched the final season of How I Met Your Mother

      • I totally understand those feelings. I put off both reading the last Harry Potter book and watching the final Harry Potter movie for a long time after they were out.

    • I think the Series final for Scrubs was more to do with a network change from NBC to ABC. I take you must have seen the NBC finale.

      • That has to be it! I didn’t know that happened. Thanks for clearing it up.

        • Yeah it happened to me too. I saw a rerun episode on tv with new cast, and was confused enough that I had to wiki it.

          • I did it!! ^^^ achievement guys!! perseverance, persistence, and all that jazz!!!!!
            Anyway..can someone delete this now?

          • I like how the meticulous nature of your Virgo moon led you to keep posting until you got it right. And your fiery Sag sun and Aries rising were like Raaaah! going to do this!!

  15. That’s a lot of tv watching, haha. I don’t like watching TV– shows or movies. I haven’t gone to a movie theater in way over a year because honestly, it costs far too much for something i don’t like. I find having to give all my attention to a show or movie really boring & irritating, to be honest. It’s really rare that i’m not doing something else on the rare occasions that i watch anything.

    Which is funny, bc my sense of seeing stories in my mind, especially w/r/t music, is cinematic & based on movement. And i was in the telemedia concentration back in high school, so i made really crappy short movies, mostly with iMovie back in the day. Until they got Final Cut, & then it was everybody had to learn how to use Final Cut. I can’t remember the differences between the two, it’s been so long (& i’ve always used PCs in my regular life). Final Cut was definitely more professional than iMovie, but i feel like iMovie was still pretty fair to work with. Like, you could go in & see the audio separate from the video, so that you could futz with them separately. So you could have a shot of someone who wasn’t talking, but have the audio of someone out of shot who was talking. I was surprised when i poked my little Windows Movie Maker recently & found that i don’t think you can separate audio & video in it, which doesn’t make sense to me? But it’s not like i’m really making anything, lbr. (And how it pains me to have to use the transitions in order to put up text. Nothing says “10th grade” quite like….. that.)

    Last weekend’s festival went okayish; i overheard some really victim-blame-y crap on Sunday that totally ruined the good mood i’d managed to get into on Saturday. At least i got lots of hugs. I was a salty human salt lick when me & my two friends got there Saturday, & i saw someone by the gate who i knew & i called his name (well, character name), & ran over & hugged me & we kind of twirled around & that made me feel pretty good. :) I just wish i could’ve gotten back in the groove after that thing happened Sunday; for the first time ever, i wanted the festival to be done, i wanted to go home, all of that. I had to find a whole new ride, too, with someone i’d never met, & so i had to wait till the very end, but i got to go to the closing ceremony, which was nice.

    I also did actually end up dancing; there is photographic evidence to prove it, too:

    (the photog is Francisco X. Guerra)

    oh & this me:


    It was cloudy & cold & rainy & muddy, especially on Sunday; i spent the night with a friend who was doing her last year of vending/performing (next year she’ll just be a patron), & when we got to the farm Sunday morning, it was pouring rain, & there was some wind, & it was sosososososooooo cold & i almost slipped & fell walking down a hill to said friend’s tea tent. I bundled up & later bought a hat.

    v long hat. It was only $35, & i spent a long time trying to decide between it & a short hat that had petals that framed the face (& making stupid faces in the vendor’s mirror while we joked about pushing young children out of our way to get chai). But in the end, i was wooed by Long Hat.

    Also, fun fact, it’s been raining all week long. And it’s been cold pretty much all week long.

    I had the job interview yesterday aaaaaand i’m p sure i bombed it. I feel like i babbled too much, said “um” & “like” too much, & forgot to make eye contact a lot. :’D I hate everythingggggggg lmao.

    Also, someone named Casie A. Chilcote took this picture of me:

    & someone’s like, “So deep in thought…..” & i’m like, man, i was either spacing out or wondering if my ass would be muddy lmaoooo. Also, i have resting sad face. But thanks, random person, for thinking that i’m a deep individual. ;P

    • I was a big fan of iMovie like many were. But, Apple updated the interface, took out some features in the sake of making it even easier to use. Final Cut Pro is what many in the Entertainment industry use(that and Adobe Premier Pro). Final Cut Express, was suppose to be the mid-level(but it was more like Pro lite). I tried to learn Express(even got a book on it), but gave up on it after a few months and went back to the old iMovie. If Youtube tutorials existed back then, I probably would have taken the time to learn it more. Could be why I learned how to use Sony Vegas for my previous job.

      Windows Movie maker offered separate audio from what I remember when testing it out, but iMovie was way better all around.

    • Nice hat! Also, nice face! Looks like you had fun.

      I totally get the unwillingness to dedicate all your attention to a show or movie. I’m usually doing something else if and when I watch.

      And windows movie maker! I was never a visual creative as a teenager, but I still have the (.wmv?) file of a video my friend made in middle school, of a bunch of different clips of our group on a summer day, set to “Seasons of Love.” One of the clips was a brief shot of me kissing my first girlfriend, and I do remember feeling anxious to hear my friend had screened it for her film class.

      I’m sure your interviewer loved you. :)

      • @platyophthalmos my hat (& face?????) thank you, haha! :D It was fun, overall; i’m watching some videos from this year & getting all teary about it ♥ I HAVE A LOT OF FAIRIE FEELINGS

        hahaha iiiiiidk, i was pretty awkward in the interview. She asked about weaknesses & i was like, “Uhhhhhhhh….. i’ve never gotten feedback about that????????????”

        • @caitlin-2 Sure, it’s a nice face!

          I think my interview weakness is the weakness question! On a recent one, I thought I was prepared because I thought of an answer in advance, but they wanted three! And were really insistent about it, even while I was umm-ing away. But I still got offered that job, so you never know!

  16. Bruh, I’m in the UK (and sneakily watching The Good Wife as it is shown in the US), I’ve seen ALL 21 EPISODES of this season, I only just learnt through this post that this is the final season.

    How the fuck did that get past me? I LOVE The Good Wife… (Well, I mostly love Julianna Margulies, but y’know).

    I am incredibly sad and distraught right now. Do we know if our lovely leading lady is doing anything else? And how will they tie up all these loose ends? I wanted to see her all divorced and happy (and maybe realising she’s an actual lady lover and some nice sexy sex scenes?… No?.. No), but still. The secret trial thingy. Her son’s slightly strange girlfriend/future-wifey. GRACE! She has so many great things ahead of her. I want to see that.

    I suppose it’s better I find out now than in few months time when I would be Googling when the next series starts only to go through of all of this sadness and distress then.


    • Oh wow I’m sorry to have broken the news to you!

      Julianna Margulies did an interview with the New York Times last week and said she will never ever ever ever do network television ever again because 22 episodes is too much. She said she’s open to cable and movies though, so we’ll see!

      • It’s okay Kayla, you did me a service. Otherwise, as I said, I would have been hopelessly searching for new episodes come September/October and would have become incredibly sad then. :(



        But like… She’s lovely, and hot… And that voice. ??? I hope we get to see her in something soon.

        Also, good luck with your writing, I haven’t seen your web-series, but I will definitely check it out. :D

  17. Happy weekend everyone! I’m currently in the process of making four pounds of chicken salad for a Mother’s Day weekend trip to Bushkill, PA. I’m only half aware of what is going to happen because my siblings planned it so we’ll see how this goes. I also passed the Connecticut bar exam so as much as I love cooking, I’d rather be day drinking and making a speech about how the board of bar examiners can kiss my ass.

    I used to journal A LOT. I kept a journal from when I was about eight or nine until about sophomore year in high school. I can’t pinpoint exactly when or why I stopped journaling. I used to write every day. I would still journal randomly as a self-help tool through college. I used to reread my journals every time I came home from winter break in college. Seeing the evolution of myself and the increased sophistication of my writing was really amusing and telling. When I came to terms with my depression in the last few years, they helped me a lot to find trouble spots throughout my life and how I came to think the way I did and came to wanting to hurt myself the way I did. That mixed with therapy motivated me to trash the journals after I graduated law school. It was my catharsis; I could move on from the person I let people make me to the person I wanted to make of myself. That’s the quick and dirty of my journaling history. I still journal from time to time as a way to work out resurfacing demons or work through new perspectives that I’ve come upon. It’s become part of my toolbox of coping and documenting this rebuilding process.

    • I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to trash my journals…but I totally understand the catharsis of it.


    • Congratulations!

      Also, even though I just started a new job, I’m thinking of applying for this other one, which happens to be in Bushkill. Maybe this is a sign? You’ll have to update on the success of your weekend there!

    • Congrats on passing the bar exam! It’s inspiring to hear that you learned more about yourself by journaling and now you are on your way to your career! ?

  18. Okay so the month of April was crayyy!!
    I came out to my mom, who is Nigerian, and super Christian. It’s really hard, but the world hasn’t imploded yet.. so that’s good. Next will be my dad but I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet.
    Oh, I started going to therapy again, and my counselor seems really cool so fingers crossed.
    As far as finales are concerned, the pressing one is Person of Interest. I’d do a lot for a couple more seasons.

    Oh, and since you asked, my birth chart (it took a lot of practice to get this down so I hope it works.)

    • I was just recently telling someone that I feel like I never meet Sagittariuses even though I generally like them, so NICE TO MEET YOU!

  19. I just watched the Tegan and Sara 100x video and I swear to lesbian Jesus it’s a PSA for not leaving dogs by the side of the road… Anyone else? Not that I don’t love it (because puppies), but I think they’re trolling us with these videos now…in the best way.
    Mercifully I do not have my journals, however, cryptically last year my mother found something I wrote as a kid and sent me lots of text messages about how she loves and accepts me…it was very weird and we never speak of it.
    Season finales are something I avoid because I hate things to end…it drives my poor missus mad. In some kind of weird synchronicity my Facebook memory today was me getting “totes emosh” at the end of Smallville – how I’ve grown as a person in the intervening years. Right now I’m excited for season 2 of Grace and Frankie and to watch this week’s Orphan Black because we get it the day after the US.
    It’s been an odd week as I’ve had days off that weren’t my normal days off and the same next week in prep for my holiday. Missus and I are going to Toronto in 9 days. Tips for cool places to go/places to eat/how to get anywhere greatly appreciated.
    Have great weekends folks, for those of you like me who are working I salute you.

    • I’m covering Grace And Frankie for work! Working on my review of the season premiere right now :)

      Have fun in Toronto!

    • !! I’m going to Toronto at the end of June! So while I have no advice to offer, I do have a great interest in hearing what you end up doing! Keep me posted!

      Also, yes, I too have gotten those mom texts..we also never speak of them (or much else, right now).

      I like your take on that video! Could be..

      • I shall report back! It’s the furthest I’ve ever travelled eeeek. I’m not afraid you’re afraid. *squeals and shifts nervously from foot to foot and checks passport is in date for the 900000th time*

        • It’ll be great! And you’ll remember your passport and pack all the best travel snacks and the weather will be lovely! Yay Toronto!

  20. I don’t really watch tv, so I can’t speak intelligently about that but I can definitely relate to life’s season finales as I prepare for my big move from Washington state to Florida for grad school. I’ve been crossing my fingers with an apartment in Florida, but it’s still kind of up in the air. (tentative date: July 8. The semester starts Aug 15, but I am moving early to get a head start on research.) I’m kind of nervous about the cross-country road trip marathon– I don’t think you could find two more distant regions of the continental US! I’m not a total novice – I made a similar move from Colorado a few years ago – but this is twice the distance. I’ll definitely download lots of audiobooks beforehand.

    Journal entries- I journal obsessively, but rarely read my old writing. It’s all on my computer at home, and I’m on my phone at work now, but maybe I’ll post something at home later if I see anything interesting.

    Also! A-camp!

    I GOT THE CABIN ASSIGNMENT EMAIL YESTERDAY! :D I know zero people, but we’re apparently the Ghost Cats, so that sounds pretty rad! (Also, I own an all-white cat with the world’s loudest purr. Can she be our cabin mascot?)

    Last week I spent two nights in the Olympic rainforest in a handbuilt “microcabin” through airbnb. My mom (a fellow outdoor-enthusiast) went with me, and we split the costs. It was the most adorable, charming little cabin imaginable, much cooler than a hotel.

    We saw a bunch of waterfalls! And we hiked up Mt. Storm King, which involved a scramble up scree at the very top. It was doable for a novice without any climbing gear, but there was still a (very helpful) rope to hold onto during a stretch of particularly slippery gravel. (Note to self: wear shoes with better traction).


    View from Mt. Storm King (Lake Crescent below)

    Marymere Falls

    Little mountain orchids

    Interesting things I’ve been reading about that I wanted to share:

    1- the idea of “grit” as being far more important than natural talent or IQ. According to psychologist Angela Duckwort, “effort counts twice.” She sums up her idea in two formulae: skill = effort x talent. And achievement = effort x skill.

    2- bacteriophages as a way to combat microbes

    3- t. gondii, a parasite in cats. A large fraction of the human population is infected (estimated 30-50%), and it’s mostly harmless, but it has been shown to alter human behavior in subtle ways, such as increasing risk-taking behavior (e.g. reckless driving), and could even trigger schizophrenia in a minority of cases of fetal exposure. Also, infected mice become more attracted to cats.

    4- mitochondrial DNA and 3-parent IVF. This could be a way to cure mitochondrial genetic diseases. Also, it amazes me that someone’s DNA could come from 3 people (though, the mitochondrial donor would contribute only a small fraction).

    Science is cool!

    • What was the microcabin like?! Sounds incredible, and your pictures are awesome!

    • I’m now curious to see what the cabin looked like. That forest and lake looks amazing. Thank you for adding another local to the list of places I need to visit in the PNW. :+P

    • Numbers 3 and 4 kind of just blew my mind? I’ll have to look into those!

      Good luck with the move. An ex of mine is currently in Florida for grad school, and she seems to be enjoying it!

    • Okay, I combed through some old journal entries. There are hundreds on my hard drive. But they only date back to 2011 – the earlier ones were mainly paper, and they’ve (sadly) been largely discarded. The first journal entry I read was actually an email to my parents from November ’11, which ended the first paragraph in “I’m wound up to a pressure of about a million Torr right now!” It was actually a very personal, emotional email, and didn’t get past the first couple paragraphs because it was bringing back too many feelings, and I’m not in the mood for feelings.

      So then I looked at old photos of myself as a teen rocking braces (and rubber bands!) and a unibrow. Also I was a dork with zero fashion sense. But I was a mostly happy dork in most of the photos, and they brought back good memories.

      Also here’s a photo of the cabin from last week! :D

  21. i’m a libra and thats the most that i can tell you about my birth chart. i was so high key into the 100 till it crashed and burned. not i’m now watching the tunnel, from gifs off of tumblr one of the leads is bi so fingers crossed that the relationship is not acting out or “a phase”

    congrats on your move, cant speak about chicago but i know new york summers are something special. i’ve been on youtube for the past two weeks sighing at beautiful queer couples in love so i’m definitely going to make some time to check out sidetrack.

    lastly, i saw this and thought maybe my autostraddle fam would enjoy it too

  22. After digging out my teenage diaries last week, I finally summoned up the courage to come out to my very religious parents. It’s only taken me fifteen years… I think this weekend might include a little celebration.

    • Yes! In the case of super religious parents, sometimes fifteen years is warranted. I’m of the opinion not everyone needs to know everything. But I’m sure you feel a little lighter with that finally done.

    • Praise Jebus! (Jebus is a friend of mine that is a super gay photographer who says he is super happy)

    • Congratulations on your decision, Lizzie! I hope you’re able to have a productive and meaningful conversation with your family.

  23. Y’alllll :D I came out to one of my three younger brothers this past week AND he was 100% supportive and loving. An extremely validating experience!

    Oh happy day to all those who got camp assignments this week!! I hope I’ll be able to go one day.

  24. @kaylakumari I’m ALSO a RHOBH fan – I think the same thing! Every time I see them together, I’m always think that they have the closest relationship out of anyone on that show. And part of me (a small part) is really glad this season is over, because I could not listen to them talk about the munchausen debacle any longer! GAH!

    Also, I’m so glad Stassi is back on Vanderpump Rules, and I like her a lot more now that she’s not a raging bitch.

    I do want a Shonda theme park, but then I worry about my sanity – my girlfriend won’t watch Greys or Scandal with me because she thinks they “are just unhappy people all the time. You never see them happy. NEVER!” I guess she has a point with Scandal. Anyway, if that’s really the case, would I go into the park excited, and come out with the most dramatic life ever? I can’t decide!!!

    I’m so pumped for the weekend. There will be about 15 lesbians at my house tomorrow starting at 10 am to partake in a Lesbian Movie Day Marathon – I’m really excited for this. I’m so excited that I’m making FONDUE. Because cheese. I don’t know if there’s anything more exciting than cheese.

    I hope NYC treats you well! GF and I are contemplating moving there because we are so obsessed with it – Nashville is great, but NYC…that city is incredible. If you are looking for something fun to do, go to Sleep No More – we did it the last time we were there, and I’m DYING to go back. A lot of people who were there lived in the city and they had been 5-6 times already. Needless to say, it’s addicting.

    Happy Friday!

    • In February, I went to SUR with my girlfriend and I met Stassi and got a picture with her!!! Scheana, Katie, and James were also all there. I’m on part 3 of the RHOBH reunion right now and I definitely think this reunion has been better than the ENTIRE season lol. Yolanda really comes off like a hero in it. And I always like to see LVP put on the spot a bit.


      New York is great so far! I love Nashville though. I have family there so I go a couple times a year. Love the food

      • Like the true type A that I am, I made everyone send me a list of movies they had not seen and also a list of movies they thought every lesbian SHOULD see – these were the top picks overall!

        But I’m a Cheerleader
        Imagine Me and You
        Fried Green Tomatoes
        Blue is the Warmest Collor
        Kiss Me
        Saving Face

        We might throw Debs in there and Kissing Annabelle but figured this would get us through the day – so excited!

  25. I’m a Taurus, but that’s pretty much all I know about astrological signs.

    But series finales. Series finales, for me at least, are always kind of sad, because the show is ending forever, and it and its fandom will slowly fade away after that. Right now I’m just trying to survive the final season of Person of Interest.

    Honestly though, I’m not watching many shows right now. I used to watch a lot more tv, but The 100 has kind of led me to refocus on my own writing at present. Which is a really good thing, because it has allowed me to take control of the stories I create and make them something that I actually find appealing. And, since my finals all got done earlier this week, I’m going to have lots of time to write.

    Oh, and I failed my first driving test earlier this week as well, so now I need to get an extension on my learners permit since my old one had just expired. Which means that I have to interact with the Maine BMV, which is always an absolute joy.
    I swear to god, the BMV has the most complicated and draconian website known to humanity.

    • (i failed twice. the second time in the first minute. it will be ok! good luck!)

  26. I don’t watch any of those shows and I’m not sure if I need to find new shows or no shows now that I am on to my second day of being single. I never really watched tv when I wasn’t in a long-term relationship. Tonight my friend is going to take me to a party where there will be cute girls! And on Monday I’m going away for a week to a city where I have close friends! And I was pretty bummed out but one of these friends also ended a relationship this week and we’re going to go to a queer comics thing so he can pick up queer comic artists and I can pick up queers who only read comics and I still want to scream a lot, but it feels very good knowing you have a friend who also wants to scream along.

    • Oh man, good luck and have fun in the freshly single life! All of these plans sound like extremely good distractions, especially the one with breakup buddy. Go go go! *strong arm emoji*

  27. Kalinda is at the bar right now buying a tequila for me. She will come to my table and surprise me any minute now.

  28. I just need to rant for a minute guys…I am having a hard time dealing today. My best friend of all time just committed a really hard-to-bounce-back-from friendship ouchie and it hurts. I’m afraid that I am so effing lonely that I have been staying in a close friendship with someone that has been bad for me for a very long time. I can’t tell if he’s just an asshole or if I’m being oversensitive–but this is what feels like the final blow in a really long and complex friendship with a person who knows only parts of me and refuses to learn or be interested about the rest. I for sure, really do have extremely high expectations for the people I am closest with and I know that this can be draining sometimes but “talking about our feelings” is the only way I know how to communicate when something is wrong and I’m feeling like the fact that this time “talking” sounds like such a chore I feel like I might finally just end it. You guys ever broken up with a friend? I saw the post recently about the “breaking up with a vegan” best friend dumpage debacle and I guess I heard the memo that anybody can dump anybody for any reason. Friendship is hard as fuck and people don’t really talk about that!I know that people with positive/healthy communication skills, interesting hobbies and healthy brain chemistry are out there for me to find somewhere so I can leave behind the land of negative nancy, greed oriented, selfish burnouts and find some people that actually like to be ALIVE or something.

    THANKS for listening y’all-poop.

    • I am so here for this conversation, srsly. I’m sorry about your friendship woes! It’s so painful and confusing! How do we know when to break up with a friend? Especially a long-ass best-friendship? THIS IS A QUESTION I WOULD USUALLY ASK MY FRIEND BUT CANNOT.

      I’m in the same boat as you. :( The two nuggets of AS wisdom I’ve found most helpful are: compromising in relationships shouldn’t include compromising who you are, like hiding part of yourself or something like that. Also: saying no (or ending) relationships that aren’t quite right is the way to make room in your life for the relationships that you do want.

      But it still feels sucky and confusing and ‘how can cutting people out of my life be the answer?’ I need help. We need help! This is so difficult and so important.

      Anyway, I’m glad you posted and I hope Straddlers are generous in bequeathing their wisdom / advice / “omg me tooo!” solidarity in today’s Open Thread! <333

    • I agree with @rebcalle. I don’t think you should ever feel like you need to hide parts of yourself from a friend.

      Ending a friendship is so complicated and emotional…I hate severing ties with people, even when I do know that it’s what’s best for me. I’m really sorry that you’re dealing with all this, and I wish I had better advice to offer, but I can mostly just say that I know where you’re coming from and you have every right to breakup with your friend if that’s what you really want. Sometimes you really just have to listen to yourself and do what’s best for you.

      • Thanks Kayla. Without wanting to pry, can I ask how did you know it was the right decision when to cut ties in your case? And, did you know at the time, or was it after the friendship was over for a while that you knew for sure it was the right outcome?

        My issue with my friend is he has a habit of taking advantage of his friends, being manipulative. Not just me,his oher friends too, but since we’re best friends, I get it the most. We’ve talked about it many times and he does hold himself accountable, but the behaviour doesn’t change, although i can see that he cares and he tries, it’s just beyond him somehow to not be selfish and manipulative in this way.

        And so for me, it takes up so much mental and emotional room in my life to deal with being treated poorly by someone I care so much about, I don’t have the mental/emotional resources left over to deal with stuff that’s important to me.

        So it feels like the right decision to let this friend go, but it’s killinggggg meeeeeeee. I’m so lonely and sad about it. I imagined we would always have each other in our lives! I don’t make friends easily and we are very important to each other. It’s been 6 months since I cut him off and I can tell it’s better for me but why can’t I just find a different solution? :///

        • Honestly, I don’t think I can pinpoint like an EXACT thing that finally convinced me it was time. There was just so much buildup, and even the break itself wasn’t necessarily that clean. I just made a promise to myself to stop bending over backwards for them. I’ve had a couple friends who have just really expected so much from me without giving anything in return…and that imbalance becomes exhausting. So I gradually stop giving into all of their demands and manipulations…like I said, it didn’t really happen over night. But the longer I went without giving into the toxic parts of our friendship, the easier it was to realize that I could do just fine without them. I agree with you in that I wish there was a different solution, but I don’t really think there is?? If there is, I haven’t really found it. I can’t force people to change.

          • Thank you Kayla this is helpful. It sucks when someone can be So Great and yet also So Terrible, like I just get so confused about who this person is ~really~ and whether they should be in my life.

            I can relate to what you’re describing as not putting up with the toxicity. Like, as I grow towards becoming the person I need to be rather than what others want me to be, it puts a strain on our relationship. Which is depressing as hell but also pretty conclusively indicating splitsville.

            It would help to find alternatives if I could imagine what those might look like. Like, what if we were still part of the same group of friends but didn’t otherwise hang out with each other? Would that work? Or would it be easier if we weren’t living in the same city and just had online interactions? I can’t see that working because we have too much history to just be friendly acquaintances, you know?

            I’m glad you made promises to yourself and did what is right for you; it’s so hard to do and great to hear you’re doing it.

        • Hi Rey, wattt are you me? This is definitely my same situation re: manipulation, emotional abuse/instability that bleeds over to my life to the point of where my own stability is compromised…WHY are humans so tricky to love and deal with. Thanks for replying–I think your story is a good way for me to remember that I am not the problem here! I hope you’re happy and doing alright.

          • Stella same to you — thanks for posting and I hope you’re doing better too. It honestly helped me to hear from you and others how they’re thinking and feeling about this issue and vent a little too. Hooray for Straddlers!

    • This is so toughhh and I wish I had good advice but I’m also infinitely struggling with dumping or not dumping people. It’s so hard and lonely. Lots of good luck and strength in this situation!

      • Thanks Cecil! I appreciate the solidarity; it honestly helps me (hopefully helps you too). The struggle is real; good luck and strength to you too.

  29. Today a 102 yo woman cwtched up for a nap on my shoulder while holding my hand. Strictly Ballroom was on TV. AND I GOT PAID FOR THIS.

  30. I know it may seem extreme but I feel like I’m losing a friend when a tv show I really like ends forever (like, I was a mess when Mad Men ended last year. A mess.). And this is the case with The Good Wife. Even though this last season wasn’t good as the others, I’m still going to miss it a lot (I mean I still miss Will aka My Favourite.. I think I’m never going to be over his loss). And I agree with you, season 5 was truly a masterpiece – Hitting the Fan is probably one of the best episodes of television I have ever watched.
    So even though I think it’s time, I’m not ready to never see Alicia again. And Diane! What am I going to do without Diane (and her laugh)? Christine Baranski is a queen.

    Also, if I had three wishes I would absolutely use one to know what the hell happened between Margulies and Panjabi BTS. I NEED to know. And I think we as fans deserve to know, since this stuff had an influence on all the storylines Kalinda had in the last seasons. In my opinion, of course.

    • I don’t think that’s extreme! I’ve been known to compare my relationships with television shows to my ACTUAL RELATIONSHIPS lol.

      When. Is. The. Archie. And. Julianna. Tea. Going. To. Spill.

      They can’t keep that secret under lockdown forever can they? CAN THEY?

    • This is exactly how I feel! So good to know I’m not alone. I also feel it for video games… I mourn.

  31. Happy Friday!!!!

    I only have time for a short comment but I FOUND A PLACE TO LIVE. Less than a week before getting evicted, extreme luck struck and I got myself a lovely little overpriced room smack bang in the middle of the city, where I can piss looking out at a canal. There’s a lot of geese. I LOVE IT.

    Lots of other stuff happened too, I’m worried I have mental disorders, worried I might not have mental disorders and I just suck, worried that there’s nothing actually wrong and I’m making a fuss about nothing… And also I seriously deliberately hurt myself for the second time ever. Pbhhbhblerghggggg. I also had a good conversation with my girlfriend, so there’s that.

    Oh, and I have a bookcase. I hope everyone is ready to congratulate me on getting my first ever own bookcase. It’s great. My comics are very happy and I am, too.

    HAVE A LOVELY WEEKEND and congratulations A-campers on getting your bunk assignments! Eeeee! I was expecting to feel really jealous of everyone who could go like I was previous years, but instead I’m just very happy and excited for you all. Bring back lots of stories!


      • Thank you so much, my favourite icon of all times owning friend. ♡ I appreciate it!!!! ;o;

    • Congratulations on the room and the bookcase and the geese!

      I’m sorry to hear about the other stuff. I would suggest that whether you think you have something diagnosable or not, you should talk to someone. I know there are many financial and social and logistic reasons not to, but I’d recommend it.

      Hugs back!

      • Thank you so muchhh ♡♡♡ I do see a therapist, but he is really wishy washy and useless. I need some to the point answers, dude! And he has reacted to my self harm twice now in ways that make me trust him less, so I definitely need to find a new one. Maybe a psychiatrist. I’m slowly getting ready to take this step.

    • Congratulations on your bookcase! It’s a really important step in not keeping all your books in piles along the floor. I know it and your comics are going to be really happy together.

      • Thank you!!! I sorted everything by genre, my girlfriend called this nerdy, life is definitely already much better for it. 8)

    • Ahh I also forgot to say CONGRATS KAYLA on the move and I wish to extend a gemini high five. A geminhigh five.

    • Congrats on the Bookcase, and the flat with ability to piss looking at a canal/geese. Sounds awesome and peaceful.

  32. I’m a chronic TV-show-abandoner who feels that most shows last way past their prime and often skip entire seasons and read a recap of the finale. The only show I think I’ve made it all the way through in the last few years is Parks and Rec.

    I also never keep a journal (unless you count blogging on tumblr for the last 5 years). The only things I’ve really kept from my past is a huge box of letters/notes/cards my friends have given me through the years. I’m moving cross-country in 2 weeks and rediscovered it when I was packing and found the SWEETEST notes from my high school friends. It made me realize that event though we’re in our mid-20s now and have been through a lot of life changes our core personalities are basically the same (yes, I’m one of those people who kept a few select friends from high school)

    • I loved Parks and Rec, and the finally made me cry happy tears, which was new for a TV show.

  33. This week my new roommate moved in. He’s amazing and has already done a lot to turn the apartment into a more inviting place in just a few days. I’m not much of a decorator haha.

    I went to see this awesome pop punk band from Olympia, Dyke Drama, play last night in LA and I’m going to see some more bands at a warehouse party tonight with a group of friends.

    This week caught up on the latest The Catch, Scandal, Empire, Supernatural, The 100 (I know, I know), and I think that’s it. I’m also slowly making my way through season 2 of Kimmy Schmidt.

    Oh, and I’m a Scorpio, so make of that what you will.

    • What are you thinking of The Catch so far? I cover it for work, but I don’t know a lot of people who watch it so I haven’t really been able to talk about it with anyone

  34. I get bummed when I’m late to these, but I’m stuck on Pacific time / worked this AM

    Crush On Straight Co-worker Is Going Strong

    (you guys she’s so tall and her hair is so fluffy and she’s peppy like SUNSHINE)

    So We Know The Apocalypse Isn’t Coming Anytime Soon

    Cabin Assignments!! I’M V EXCITED FOR CAMP

    I think I’m the only person in my cabin with no (post high school) degree or legitimate Career & I’m trying not to feel self conscious or down on myself about that and it’s not working! Ahahahah

    • Also I’m a libra, once a co-worker insisted on charting my birth, I reacted exactly like Piper did in that episode of OITNB because wtf

    • This makes me sad b/c some of the most professionally accomplished ppl I know are just the biggest douche asshats, and I bet you’re much more worth knowing than they are for your good qualities. And and! If you did want to go back to school at some point, People would be happy to talk w you about career stuff / share their insecurities I bet! you could help ppl, even, to open up about it and trade notes.

      • ?? Thank-you

        I don’t have words but tonight kind of sucked and reading that helped a bit

  35. I am rather late but gahhhhh. I am trying to avoid details but I really need to yell about this. So this morning I had to bite my tongue through a conversation in which an adult told my younger (teenage, though legally adult) sister that if she went to a guy’s house/drank with him and he raped her, it would be her fault. (It was not in the context of “don’t go hang out with that boy” ie at attempt to be protective, it was a hypothetical my sister presented while arguing) This adult is 1. someone we live with 2. a woman, and 3. queer (IDK how she IDs but she’s with a woman). It was this whole big thing in which she insisted that women need to “take responsibility” for doing things like…socializing with the men they know. As in the women hang out with the men and then the men assault them and apparently they are equally responsible. Due to extenuating circumstances I could not yell at her/will never be able to call her out, and it makes me so furious. And maybe it shouldn’t but the fact that she’s a woman AND queer makes it more upsetting. OH and apparently she still wants to be considered a feminist and if we say she shouldn’t call herself that if she believes rape is the victim’s fault, then we’re trying to force everyone to think in lockstep. UM? WTF WTF WTF. It is very clear she sincerely believes all this and I hate it.

    • It’s frustrating isn’t it. You can’t change how people think. You will end up driving your self mad. Had the same conversation with my father and now I am back at square zero with that relationship. Sorry that she feels that way and even more sorry you have to deal with it.

      Sending you some virtual hot cocoa and positive vibes ?

  36. Hello all you lovely people!

    The only thing relevant that I can contribute is that I’ve been watching season 2 of Kimmy Schmidt and the jokes are so numerous and so quick that I keep having to rewind it to let my slow brain catch up.

    This week has been…surreal. As some of you may have heard in the news, the city of Fort McMurray (a city with a population of 88,000 people) here in Alberta has been completely evacuated as of Tuesday due to an insanely huge forest fire. The pictures and videos are crazy in that the fire grew so out of control so quickly that people were escaping the city with flames literally surrounding them on the sides of the highway. Long story short, there are suddenly thousands of people who have been displaced here to Edmonton, which is the closest major city 4 hours south.

    This has honestly been the only thing on my mind this week. Being a retail manager, I’ve had countless evacuees come in to my store and I can’t help but give them big discounts and give them my verbal support and hope, but I feel the need to do so much more. I went and volunteered today at the emergency relief support centre and it was overwhelming the amount of donations the centre is receiving. I spent my whole afternoon filling boxes and schlepping countless amounts of diapers, toiletries, clothing, and food on to trucks to be sent to the evacuation centres nearby. Honestly, the humanity and kindness of Albertans and Canadians has been incredible considering that the Canadian Red Cross, which is the biggest relief organization in the country, has already received 30 million dollars in donations. The way that people are so generous to each other during disasters like this is astounding and in turn I can’t focus on anything else this week beyond helping as much as I can.

    • Yes, I’ve been following this. Certainly sounds surreal. I’m glad to hear you’ve been able to find ways to help. And thanks for the heads up/reminder about the Canadian Red Cross. Feeling a little helpless all the way down here in Pennsylvania.

    • Wishing the very best to you and your efforts to help!

      This may not be relevant for you, but I am someone who processes things by reading, and if it’s any use to you, I highly highly recommend Rebecca Solnit’s A Paradise Built in Hell: The Extraordinary Communities That Arise in Disaster.

      It’s about exactly what you describe, the way that people respond in disasters (and also the political ramifications, especially the way right-wing media misrepresents disaster responses and what that means). I am a fiction-lover who barely reads nonfiction, but I love that book, and I love her treatment of the Halifax explosion (one of the 5 big disasters she explores as case studies); it’s a great book.

      • Thank you so much for this recommendation! I’m actually a manager at a bookstore, so I will order a copy for myself as well as several to sell in my store. This looks like a poignant and timely read for the many evacuees who have been coming in.

  37. Hey, this is my first time commenting on Friday Open Thread! and I’m pretty excited about actually participating.

    This week has been pretty interesting. On Tuesday someone who I met at a queer spiritual heart sharing circle (Doesn’t that sound like the gayest thing ever? It was! I helped organize it for the New Moon in Aquarius back in February) invited me to go to a waterfall with them and we smoked spliffs and ate macadamia nuts and blew bubbles.

    There’s me blowing bubbles by a waterfall, but this is Friday Open Thread not NSFW Sunday, so I added a nipple butterfly

    Then when we were walking back from the waterfall we saw the local fair in town, and I suggested that we ride on the Ferris wheel. I remembered reading this study about doing something that seems somewhat dangerous increases adrenaline and can make people feel more attracted to each other, so I thought this could be a fun way to work with that. Well, I think it made us both feel more nauseous than anything. Oops, oh well. So much for science.

    It’s the New Moon in Taurus now! My ascendant/rising sign is Taurus and I’m feelin’ the energies of springtime seeds blossoming for this year. Like, I have totally decided that if I can manage to generate thousands of dollars this summer (c’moooon, magick!) I’m going to the Autostraddle party in Mexico. But even if that doesn’t work out for this year, I know I am definitely going to A-Camp next year (unless I go to Thailand for a linguistics certificate program that will probably be at the same time)! Also Kayla, I love Geminis! Libra here, so much air sign love <3

    Planning is so crazy! For this Summer Solstice, I'm planning on being in New Mexico for the Kundalini Yoga Solstice event they have there. Does anybody else do Kundalini? Last summer when I went there was a meetup/talking circle for queer people and it was amazing! I feel like there's so many queers in yoga and not so many people talking about it. I've heard of Queerdalini classes in some cities like Austin and Boulder, but I'd really love to hear about any of your experiences with your queerness in yoga.

    Okay, so I just went out to pick up a pizza, because pizza. Anyway, as I was going out I realized I was wearing the same thing I wore to go out yesterday: blue stretchy pants and scissoring sweatshirt. So, I put on a denim vest over the sweatshirt and decided that was sufficiently different haha.

    Now I'm back in with a tofu pizza. Ever had tofu on pizza? It's actually pretty great.

    Oh! aaaaand while I was out, I ran into a friend who invited me to join an Ayahuasca ceremony tomorrow night, and I think I'm going to do it. Honestly, I kind of feel weird about not being in a more traditional context for it, but the people who are setting the space are respectful of it as medicine. I feel a lot of conflict about the recent popularization of plants that have been sacred to indigenous people for a long, long time, but I also feel like when treated with respect, as sacred, that they can teach us a lot about ourselves and the world. So many feelings about it. I'm actually proofreading a book about Ayahuasca and do a lot of marketing stuff for it, which in one way I'm like okay that's awesome to be spreading information through the power of books!… in another way even selling books still feels like a hustle.

    Oh and if you're curious to learn more about what ayahuasca is, here is my shameless plug for a post I wrote about it: Why is Ayahuasca so Popular Now?

    The only show I’ve been watching this week has been Adventure Time, but with Spanish subtitles so that I feel productive that I’m practicing Spanish. It’s been paying off. I talked to my grandma today and spoke so much Spanish with her (she’s a native Spanish speaker) and I know it made her really happy.

    Thanks so much for letting me share! Y’all help me feel so connected in such important ways

    • Oops, didn’t quite get the picture code the first time. So this was a beautiful moment from my week:

    • Aaaahh welcome to FOT!!!

      I have to say… As a gay woman, who spends a lot of her time talking to and hanging out with gay women, the idea of wearing a denim vest over a scissoring sweatshirt still strikes me as one of the gayest outfits I have ever seen or pictured in my mind. I kind of want pictures.

      Good going on the Spanish and the connecting to your grandmother! That’s such a lovely thing! I’m very happy for you.

      I also read the article and realised I had heard of ayahuasca before (on X-files, HA. I’m sure that was a less than accurate representation of it). I can def. see why you’d have mixed feelings about it suddenly getting really popular. I hope the ceremony is awesome though!!!

    • Wow I don’t really know anything about any of that, though it sounds interesting! What I do know about is tofu (and/or seitan) on pizza! I just moved across the street from a vegan pizza place, and while I’m usually a plain tomato pie kind of person, I’m looking forward to making my way through all their soy-based options!

      I love the idea of watching tv with Spanish subtitles. I remember my high school Spanish teacher would sometimes do that with movies (on days he didn’t feel like teaching, I assumed). A large percentage of the neighborhood in which my hospital is situated is Spanish-speaking, so I have been trying to brush up.

      Welcome to FOT!

  38. Well let’s see what has happened in the week before finals. I didn’t steal that helicopter, so yeah, that’s a plus. I raced an old lady on I20 that just wouldn’t let me pass her. Visited the campus that I am transferring to and noticed they had copies of the Sunday paper with coupon inserts! Guess who just bought like 10 cans of shaving cream for 1.29 each?! And that was just today.

    First off, no matter how hard I look, no one seems to prescribe ADHD meds. So I just called random family practices in the dfw and managed to find a doctor that will see me in two weeks. Thing is that now that I found a doctor I don’t want to get the meds anymore. Guess I love the chase lol.

    Oh that asshole in my Microeconomics class didn’t like that I don’t have to take the final since I passed the first 3 exams and he only knew about it because I was talking to my friend who also got pass on the final. I got an A in the course!!!!! He just glared at me and was all like “well I would have passed the last one if I didn’t have a job to pay bills.” I just said “that’s opportunity cost for ya. Did you not pay attention to chapter 1 and 2?” On top of that he got even more upset when the professor gave me a side hug. Guess he is into dudes?

    Other than that nothing happening. Just studying, chatting and enjoying a well deserved beer. And as for journaling, I used to do it and then stopped. I thought maybe it is best to keep it all in and think. Now I write random thoughts and questions. Haiku poems are mainly what I write. Journaling just seems so…adolescent and depressing. But hey it helps some people. I guess I just prefer to talk about how I feel or whatever is going on, with people. Time to take apart an old phone now. Good night.

    • “Guess I love the chase lol” I WANT TO HUG AND HIGH FIVE YOU FOR THIS it’s such an ADHD thing. And also, as someone who started journalling last year (after I cut myself for the first time lol) I have to chuckle at “adolescent and depressing”. Like, great writers have journalled, but this is a super apt description for what happens when I do it.

      • I accept the hug and high five!

        I started journaling due to self harm too but that was a long time ago. It helped some but whenever I looked back on whatever I wrote I just think “damn I need to calm down” or ” whyz didn’t anyone see I needed help?”

    • Hmm. I journal partly to process problems and find solutions, but really mainly because I have such a terrible memory and I want to be able to look back and remember what my brain was like and what I was thinking, feeling, doing in previous years. I really regret not journaling at all as a child because I feel so removed from that little person, if that makes sense. I have very very few memories and I don’t remember anything I thought or felt about anything.

      Also, I applaud your couponing!

  39. Just popping into say that I can’t wait until it’s time for Autostraddle to do their run-down of TV pilots for next year (no idea when this will be, tbh), especially with your new quality-over-quantity policy.

    I need to know what lady-led shows are worth investing time in, because the hints I get (Spark and Drew sound great, and so does the new Gina Torres thing–don’t let me down) are making me pine and salivate! I am really dying to know whether, say, there’s enough Laverne Cox in the new Katherine-Heigl-dates-a-brutal-criminal drama to make it worth sitting through.

  40. I didn’t keep journals or diaries as a kid but I coincidentally found some schoolwork from when I was re-arranging my house today.

    I would have been about 11 when I made this comic strip about Creation (ugh I know, indoctrination of children) where I had reimagined Adam and Eve as ‘best friends’ and noted most importantly that the animals were happy.

    • Yes! Best friends, that is so great. What an insight into your mind as a child, right? And oh gosh I am groaning right along with you about that same indoctrination.

      • I think it may have had something to do with my continual fury of people thinking my (male) best friend was a boyfriend. Funnily enough we are both queer now.

  41. This has been occupying my time:


    Before I removed all the upholstery, along with two thousand Staples, removed the hide-a-bed, sanded it, stained it twice and applied crate stamps and varnish, created a seat and new upholstery using an old blanket. :D And


    In other news, that may seem more relevant now that you know my love of renovation, and complicating simple things by simplifying them: a conversation with my girlfriend about couples counseling. “I don’t have the tools to have relationships, romantic, affectionate relationships. I’ve spent the last two years in recovery building a tool box, and I’ve got great tools and I know how to use them. Relationships, though, they’re all from IKEA, and I do not possess an Alan key. That’s why I want to go to counselling with you. Therapy is what I understand, it’s where I learn how to use tools. Because I think we have all the pieces, Karen, I really do. I think together we have all the pieces and I really want to build something with you, and it will be beautiful.”

    • oh my this deserved a dyi video on youtube! Brilliant job Lolau. Enjoy your new cosy space

    • That sofa looks like a great place to have tea. You’re words are also very sweet. I hope it turns out well for you two.

  42. It wasn’t safe to keep journals and still doesn’t feel safe.
    There’s a painting from when I was six years old in day camp that displays talent in colour choice. Like colour theory stuff that people either figure out when they’re much older than six or learn in school. The forms are a tad *ahem* abstract but the thought that went into it from the perspective of an adult with design schooling it’s pretty rad and serves as a reminder that no matter how much I may want to divorce myself from the title of artist because I can’t actually draw (physical issue that cannot be fixed by practice) that doesn’t mean I’m not an artist.
    It and some of my creepy handless one eyed or half face doll drawings from teenhood remind me that art is what you make it.

    Still I prefer metal when making art, it’s much less fragile.

    I was gunna just drop by and try to embed 2 videos I think y’all might like.
    The videos are ASL interpretations of Anaconda and Secrets.



    The interpreter is just so expressive and talented y’all.
    There’s so many songs she’d done and it’s all just so awesome.

  43. I haven’t been really following many shows this season, so I’m not having as many Season Finale Feelings as usual this May. Instead, I’m really looking forward to June and the return of one of my favourite shows “UnREAL” on Lifetime. I loved Season 1, I loved the “Faith Diaries” web series, and I cannot wait to see more.

    This last week has been a really mixed bag for me mentally.

    Some great, exciting things happened. First, I finished my final round of EMDR therapy this week and have never felt more emotionally free. Going forward I will just drop in to the therapist’s office once every 4-6 weeks for med checks and life status updates.

    Another huge thing: I CUT ALL MY HAIR OFF! When I arrived at the salon, my hair was past my waist. Now, it looks like this:

    Tuesday was “Give for Good,” so I went to a Humane Society of Northwest Louisiana fundraiser and got pictures of my dogs drawn by animators from Moonbot Studios. They won an Oscar for one of their shorts recently, so that was rad. I also stopped by Bossier Arts Council to check in on my friends who were there running the 24 hour Facebook “tv channel.”

    Here I am with the BAC mascot, Kenny.

    BAC also has a kickass bathroom.

    Now for the bad stuff. I have driven to Baton Rouge to see my mom for Mother’s Day weekend. I’m thrilled to see her, and my sweet, beautiful grandmother (Mimi). Mimi’s Alzheimer’s has really progressed, to the point where she often doesn’t know where she is, believes her sons are somewhere else in the house but can’t find them (they don’t live here), and is just generally manic and agitated much of the time. It is breaking my heart to see her this way. The worst part about it is not knowing how long this will go on. We could have years of this behaviour or she could be gone in a few months. Part of me feels like she is already gone, as the person I interact with now is not Mimi. I miss her so much already, even though she is sitting next to me.

    I’ll sum all this up with one more selfie, showing off my new sunglasses.

    These are actual, PRESCRIPTION sunglasses and only cost $30. Get on my level, ladybirds.

  44. I spent yesterday afternoon and night watching the first half of Season 2 of Grace and Frankie with some friends. It was fantastic. That show is so funny and just genuinely kind and pleasant. I watch the whole first season the day it came out, by myself, during a really hard weekend. So it was nice to watch this season with friends who love it as much as me. We are finishing it later this week and I can’t wait. It was also a great way to bond with said friends cause I’m just starting to get to know them.
    I’ve been so worried about being able to make friends. Most of my friends are graduating this year and so next year I won’t really have many people to hang out with or have classes with. I’m still worried. But I do still know to make friends and there will still be a few cool people around. It’s not the end of the world.
    It’s getting close to summer and I don’t know what to do yet. YAy adulthood. especially since my roommates just moved out and I don’t know how to find a good roommate that I can stand to live with.

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