FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: Here for the Bottomless Refills and Good Company

Hello there, chocolate chip banana pancakes! Welcome to Friday Open Thread, the 24-hour no-frills vintage diner of your dreams, where the coffee is always strong, the bacon is always crispy, the fries are slathered in vegan gravy, and the cute queer waitstaff make a living wage! Come join me in this red sparkly vinyl booth and let’s talk about your life, your hair, your dreams, your sorrows, your loves, your kids (human and furry), your favorite breakfast foods, your best milkshake recipe, whatever is on your mind today. The coffee/tea/soda refills are unlimited and the free wi-fi is strong, so let’s chill!

My favorite weird vaguely queer 90’s diner song:

Some of my favorite memories happened at diners.

There’s Mama Nancy’s, the greasy truck stop the whole crew would gather after last call at the drag bar in college (where I once drunkenly tried to start a fight with some homophobic truckers).

The loud Perkins that became a Denny’s in the small city adjacent to my hometown, one of the only places to hang with my high school friends after 10 PM and where the first girl I had a crush on worked as a waitress.

The many Long Island diners that all looked the same with shiny booths and black and white tiled counters where I’d scarf 4 AM french fries dressed with salt and pepper when I would visit my college boyfriend on school breaks.

Aunt Rosie’s off of Route 20 where my parents would take us for Sunday breakfasts and my sister and I would gawk over the dessert case and come home smelling like stale cigarette smoke.

My favorite weird vaguely queer 90’s musical theatre song:

(I looked for a video of this song by Lin Manuel Miranda from the 2014 New York City Center revival, but could only find this charming and sentimental video of composer, Jonathon Larson (most famous for RENT), performing it in his one-man show in 1990.)

I wish I was at a diner with all of ya’ll right now and we could talk or not talk and sit in a corner booth for as long as it feels good. So let’s pretend! Tell me what’s going on with your life!

I’m mostly just getting ready to go on parental leave at work this week. I can’t believe I only have a few weeks left before the due date! I’m trying to do everything I can think of to make my staff and co-workers feel supported before I vanish for three months. One of my office-mates baked me a fresh peach kuchen today and it was delicious. If I didn’t have the gestational diabetes, I would have eaten the whole thing by now. Leftovers are coming home for Waffle. I’m pretending my carrot stick and ranch dip snack is just as satisfying. (It isn’t.)

Yum. Carrot sticks.

Yum. Carrot sticks.

I’m super thrilled that Steven Universe is back for the summer. Rebecca Sugar is a genius, a gorgeous bisexual genius. Did ya’ll see that Stevonnie episode that was totally about consent and bodily autonomy and saying no to performing for gross straight guys? And the Mr. Greg episode that was really about Pearl coming to a place of healing around her feelings of loss and love for Rose? Every day that there’s a new episode is a fucking gift.

I’m not religiously watching the DNC and I watched almost none of the RNC, but I’m trying to keep up with the highlights every day. Thank goodness for Heather Hogan’s election coverage. IT SURE IS A TIME TO BE ALIVE, folks.

What’s happening with you, babe? Do you want another refill on your drink? Would you like a bite of my grilled cheese? I’ll be here all night, so stay a while and tell me all about your life situations! Show me that selfie you took or that thinkpiece you read or that viral video of a silly horse using their human as a pillow.

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KaeLyn is a 39-year-old (femme)nist activist, word nerd, and queer mama. You can typically find her binge-watching TV, standing somewhere with a mic or a sign in her hand, over-caffeinating herself, or just generally doing too many things at once. She lives in Rochester, NY with her spouse, a baby T. rex, a xenophobic cat, and a rascally rabbit. You can buy her debut book, Girls Resist! A Guide to Activism, Leadership, and Starting a Revolution if you want to, if you feel like it, if that's a thing that interests you or whatever.

KaeLyn has written 229 articles for us.


  1. Hello and happy Friday friends! My wife and I have exciting news: We are pregnant! Yay! And it will be TWINS! even yay-er!!! I’ve been waiting a while to share it so we could get through the first trimester but here we are, yay!!!

    Here is the not-so-great-news-but-it-is-what-it-is: at the moment, we are pregnant with triplets and Monday we will be reducing to twins. This has been a stressful and difficult choice to make for us. Our heart is telling us that we should keep all three, but our heads and medical science says we should reduce for the safety of me and the other 2. I never imagined, as a queer woman, having to make this choice, but I feel very lucky that I live in a place where I can do so without much fear and have a wife and family who supports us 100%.

    I’m just looking forward to the days afterwards when I can finally just enjoy planning for 2 and getting ready to have 2 cute little gremlins take over our lives.

    • @ruthabelle! This is very exciting news! Congratulations on the pregnancy and the double bundles of awesome!

      Thank you for sharing about the struggle of making the decision around reduction. I just want you to know that I fully support you doing what is best for you, your wife, and your family. I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through to get to this decision, but I’m absolutely sure you are doing what is best for you and for your future kids. You’re already such a great parent!!!


      Can’t wait for more updates! Are you going to dress them in twin outfits? I’m already thinking about all the Halloween costume possibilities!

      • Thank you!!! We are very excited, we keep talking about how our lives will be completely different and busy and we get to raise little people of our own.

        Yes we are totally going to match their outfits, that’s one of the twin perks ;) and our plan for our first family Halloween is probably going to be Winnie the Pooh characters, my wife is obsessed with Pooh. And as the years go on, I’m sure we will match along the way :)

  2. Oh good morning peaches and cream biscuits!

    I am at the tail end of a road trip through the desert (SLC, arches natl park, Grand Canyon, etc) and am now in a lounge chair at this random persons house in Malibu, flying home in a couple of hours.

    It has been a funny, overheated week on a road trip with my friend and her 13 y/o daughter who is one of the coolest 13 y/o folks I know but is also 13 and is like GOD MOM. Which is fine.

    National parks are amazing you guys! And Southern California is beautiful! And I’m really happy to head home to Seattle where everyone agrees 90 degrees is too hot and I can hang out with my girlfriend. We take a lot of trips separate from one another (her often for work, me because I just travel with friends by myself often) and I really love the opportunity to to be away from each other so that we miss one another, we’ve been together so long it’s a really nice thing to have he opportunity to miss her.

    Oh man and also going home to eat food that isn’t gas station celery sticks will be incredible.

    Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

    • That sounds lovely and I know what you mean about making space to miss each other! My love and I work opposite shifts and have for years. We really only have one day/week when we get to see each other for a long stretch of time and it works really well for us. I also tend to travel alone for work more than Waffle and there is something nice about being with someone long enough that you can be apart and then look forward to seeing each other again.

      I had a really visceral reaction to “gas station celery sticks” because I know exactly what that tastes like. With ranch dip or hummus in a little vacuum-sealed pack. Ick.

      Safe travels home!

      • 100%. Also the maddest she got this trip is when I was like “are you seriously going to read your book while we are driving through the Grand Canyon natl park which is the thing we drove three hours to get to” and she was like “I’m near the end!” And her mom was like “you have to sit in the backseat if you’re going to read” and 13 y/o was like ” GOD FINE WHATEVER” and it was kind of hilarious.

        And a couple days later when she was lecturing some anti-vax hippie about public health and I was like “you are excellent” and she was really pleased with that.

  3. Thank you for posting tick..tick…boom! I actually saw the Encores! production with Lin-Manuel Miranda, Karen Olivo, and Leslie Odom Jr. It was awesome!

    Also awesome: This week, I went on 2 beautiful, amazing dates with a beautiful, amazing girl. We even sat in a diner and drank egg creams! How fitting! :D

    I’m currently at work, waiting for my Thai food delivery to arrive, so I can take my lunch break.

    • I’m so jealous! I’ve seen clips from the Encores! production, but I completely missed it. :/ Leslie Odom Jr. performed at one of my fav NYC venues this past week and I missed that, too. I miss our frequent visits to the city so much these days! There’s just so much beautiful stuff going on.

      Your diner date sounds lovely! I hope there’s a third date soon! Maybe you can share an egg cream! (I had no idea what an egg cream was–had to look it up! Looks yummy!)

  4. I’ve been feeling pretty low most of the week. I’m restless and I just can’t think of anything to do that would make me happy. Most of my ideas are around impulsive food choices or buying books that i dont need. I want to treat myself but I don’t want to be impulsive or excessive. Cause in life in general I’m making bad/impulsive decisions or not deciding anything and not making plans. It’s a mess.
    I’ve also been wanting to hang out with friends, but they’ve not been responding or really seeming like they want to spend time with me. Summer is an oddly very lonely time.
    Anyone else get extreme summer restlessness? What do you do?

    • Hi Jay! I get reverse-SAD (more depressed in the summer months) too. Lately my self-care has involved re-reading the Babysitters Club books of my youth (oh lordy they’re so bad but so familiar) and finding bodies of water to float in whenever possible! Good luck, and only one more month left!

    • Looks like we are in the same boat. I hope you feel better. If you want to treat yourself without hurting your bank account, find a dish that you would love to have and make it. Or take that money you would spend on impulse and put it in a jar. I did that and now I have my Christmas money just for me and no one else. It is okay to be selfish sometimes.

      As for summer restlessness, I just jam out to music while I workout. Actually I picked up jogging outside so that I can take my mind off of not hanging out with others. Afterwards I just relax and go to the library or hang around half price books.

    • Summer SAD is a real thing, yo. I also make impulsive choices when I’m feeling restless or unfocused. Sometimes that works out really great and pulls me back into the moment. Sometimes it doesn’t and I feel full of regret later.

      Is there anything you really like to do that, like, helps you focus your mind? Sometimes I find just sitting down and committing to doing something semi-active can help me, like committing to re-read a favorite book or doing and folding all the laundry or running errands. Changing up your physical space can sometimes help, too, like going to a cafe with my laptop (instead of sitting restlessly in my house) or going to see a movie at the dollar theater. It can feel weird to do something alone outside of your home, but movies are great in that you don’t have to talk to anyone and you are practically invisible once the lights go down. Also, popcorn.

      Maybe start to think about what would be recharging for you, not necessarily what would make you happy. Maybe “happy” is a goal that’s too ill-defined and difficult to imagine. But how about, like, going to the park or the beach for a few hours? Or taking a nap, even? Or making/ordering your favorite comfort food? What kind of things recharge your batteries?

    • I rearrange the house and sort file cabinets–it makes me feel like I’m doing something concrete and making the house happier and I can turn on cool jams while I do it, but it’s not critical and if I wander away in the middle or decide to stop it’s okay.

    • Hi Jay, I tend to get a bit restless/lonely in the summers too, since I’m a grad student in the humanities and most of my friends go home/out of the country for research over the summer (this summer, I did too), so I just don’t know as many people who are around to do things. Book buying certainly makes me happy too (hence how I’ve bought 20 books and three journals in the two months I’ve been in Spain, which I have to somehow pack into my suitcase tomorrow – yikes! – granted, the journals and 7 of the books are gifts, but still…). I have found that visiting the library and checking out books (for fun, not just for research, though I like that too) makes me pretty happy too, and is easier on my overflowing bookshelves. Or if you still want to buy books but don’t want to spend as much money on ones you don’t strictly need, used bookstores are delightful.

      Last summer, I got closer to some of the (mostly science) people who were still in town and did regular things together, so at least there’d be a day or two each week when I’d have something vaguely social. For instance, several of us went in on a CSA share together. It included some pick-your-own crops, including flowers, and that was really fun. If there’s a pick-your-own farm near you, that could be enjoyable (even alone – I’ve gone apple-picking by myself).

      Other things I’ve done to combat summer restlessness include: crafts, bicycling to get places, bicycling for fun in the park, running (which I seldom do, but because I took a different route than I would on my bicycle, I discovered that a house in the neighborhood has a large, red, dragon sculpture by the driveway!), planning out slightly more complicated or healthier foods to try making, reading outside on a picnic blanket or bench or folding chair, and finding free events in town to attend. Maybe some of these will sound fun to you?

      • YES! Going to the library and getting gobs of books is an excellent way to slake those restless consumer blues. I was feeling that way last week, went to the library, got tons of books I’d been craving and then went for a long walk home. Felt totally better at the end, plus I had books to read! Go with poetry, short stories or graphic novels if you’re already feeling restless and unfocused.

  5. Good morning lions and tigers! Happy FOT!

    Kaelyn I’m so excited you’re getting closer to meeting little baby Remi Waffle on the outside for the first time and hopefully getting back to being able to eat all the kuchen you want! Your post made me hungry. I hope you’ll keep writing about parenthood and stuff after the baby is born! If you have any time <3

    I'm pretty down this week. Grappling with some different stuff. Really trying to wrap my head around body positivity and fat positivity at the moment – for reals this time, not like when I decided to 'act as if' I loved my body in order to lose 50 lbs! – and having a lot of trouble with it. Even feeling very vulnerable posting about that here. Don't know how to take something I've been so scared of my whole life – even, especially, when I was young and actually thin – and turn it in to a source of pride or comfort or anything beside self-revulsion. A lot of identity stuff is all tied into it – how does this body present me to the world? How do I want to present MYSELF to the world? Are the two reconcilable? Now that I'm rejecting heteronormative standards (straight zero QUEER TEN thanks for introducing me to that one, Kate), what do I even want to look like? What do I even want to dress like? And are any of the looks I'm interested in even accessible for this body? If I ever do figure any of this out, then, where are the boundaries around self-expression and "professionalism" at my workplace? But mostly, most of all, how do I change my brain and what kinds of activities should I do that will help me love and have compassion for my body, at least on some days, even though I'm not always able to love or have compassion for myself on the whole?


    • Oh, @queergirl, grrrl, gurl, I feel you. It took me a LONG time to get on the body love train and it was in no small part due to finding inspiration models in other fat babes of various gender presentations, ethnicities, and sizes.

      Think about how long you’ve been hating on your body. It’s been a while, girl. So it’s not going to be something you can undo or flip overnight. Every body positive and fat activist I know still has bad days, days when those negative feelings come back or a trigger pops up. It’s OK. You are fighting against patriarchy, heteronormativity, and a lifetime of social conditioning. But I believe you can do it!

      If you haven’t already, I’d suggest checking out Health at Every Size as a way to start reframing how you think about health and healthy choices, disentangling those concepts from fatphobia. Also check out the fat acceptance and fat positive and fat fashion/fatshion tumblr tags. SO MUCH GOOD STUFF there.

      Buying a new wardrobe can be a little harder depending on where you live and what stores you have available to you, but there is a TON of great stuff online these days. Maybe start by treating yourself to a cute new clothing item. Re/Dress is a good place to start–not too overwhelming and lots of cute options, though it’s on the more femme side of things. Even if you just look at the models, maybe it will help you figure out what “your look” is at the size you are. Nothing is off limits anymore: bikinis, crop tops, miniskirts, whatever! Or maybe you’re more like me and prefer black, black, black everything and dresses that hug and drape around your body over funky prints and tube tops.

      It is an exciting time! You get to figure out who you are to yourself and the world! I love zero straight, QUEER TEN. It’s so true! <3 SO MANY FEELINGS FOR YOU!

      • Hi Kaelyn,

        Thank you so much for all your thoughts! You’ve referenced body positivity a lot in your pregnancy posts, and I’ve really been impressed and wondered how you got to a place of true and actual love for your body. (not, of course, that there is anything wrong with your body, or any body). So I’m really glad to hear more of your thoughts on the subject.

        I’ve read a lot about HAES over the past few years, and I’ve embraced that I can be as healthy and fit as I want to be at any weight, as long as I put in the work (when I have the energy and emotional capital for that kind of self-care). I’ve gotten to the point where I can think fat bodies can be healthy. But it’s still a hell of a leap to feel like my own fat body can be “good” or desirable or stylish or intrinsically pleasing or even just truly feel like MINE, ya know?

        I hadn’t heard of Re/Dress before! It’s a bit femmey for me but looks lovely. One issue I’m having this month in particular – can I talk about this here? Trigger warnings for body image stuff, folx – I am feeling particularly grossed out by my own body lately, and even just looking at those models on Re/Dress, models with body fat (the models Torrid and Modcloth uses often aren’t really plus size) is giving me a lot of shame. It’s shame I know how to deal with, because I dealt with similar shame when I was coming out – I had to normalize queer people, so I watched a lot of Crashpad and other stuff with real queer people in it until I didn’t feel any shame around any of it – and that’s what I have to do now, I think, with body size, but it’s hard to start that process when even looking at those models are giving me such intense feelings of shame.

        ANYWAY! Whoa those are really private thoughts. Thanks everyone for letting me share here and I hope you all understand that my fatphobia is centered around my own fat, and I think you all are beautiful, every short and tall and fat and slim person on this perfect website, I think all of your bodies are beautiful, and I look forward to the day when I can think of my own without any shame attached to it at all. <3

        • Yes! You are on the right track and asking all the right questions. It actually sounds like you are making great progress. It definitely takes time to move beyond the body shame and internalized fatphobia. It never really goes away. You just learn to see it for what it is. Looking at images of fat models and fashion icons is a great place to start. Yeah, Lane Bryant and Torrid and Modcloth and other stores that sell “plus-size” tend to play into respectability politics around the size of their models. Industry plus-size models are typically like a size 10-14, which like…it’s still nice to see diverse bodies, but it’s not the same as seeing someone who actually looks like you, like a real un-photoshopped person with thick arms and a big belly, etc.

          When you are more comfortable looking at other people’s bodies, you may be ready to spend more time with your own body. Seriously, just getting comfortable with looking at my body naked was a huge thing for me. I had to actively quiet the voice in my head that wanted to point out every little thing I hated and focus on what I appreciated about my body instead. It’s still challenging. I’m not going to lie. It’s a daily practice and some days I still feel down about myself, if my outfit doesn’t look the way I want it to or if I find a new stretch mark or whatever.

          I think one thing that helped me was to find support from other body positive and specifically fat pos people. I’m not super active in my local fat pos community, but some of my very good friends are and just knowing them rubs off on me in good ways. Having that peer support can be huge. Sending hugs! You’re doing great already!

    • Yo!
      Maybe the trick doesn’t lie with how you “present” yourself, but instead how you feel.
      And what makes you feel how, when.
      I have huge body issues and definitely an eating disorder, where I’m almost normal weight, with great,unhealthy variation.
      However, what really tends to help me out is to focus on how I feel and not how I look, or what I think is expected of me.
      Also, in a Lord of the Rings analogy: Everyone always wants to be Legolas.
      Nobody wants to be the effing dwarf.
      However, I’m short and stocky, trying to be an elf was just going to be bound to be a path filled with desaster.
      It took me until the age of 34 to realize that I literally even come from a people of miners and mountain dwellers and that I need to get over my elf affliction already.
      And being strong, not lithe, is my place of comfort.
      So, maybe you’re not a Legolas either, maybe you’re a Boromir.(I’m just assuming you’re taller)
      Maybe you’re Eowyn?
      Who knows?
      There are all kinds of people striving for the good of Middle Earth, and you know, at the end of the day, that’s what counts.
      The important thing for you, though, is that you feel ok, that you can move as you like, that you don’t feel tired or malnourished and that you have a place where you can be:”This is my body and it carries me through Life and I need to treat it ok, as a way of thanks.”
      I don’t get to this place often, but sometimes, I really try to be good to my body, which gets knocked around so much with emotional eating and often non eating and coffee only, paired with little sleep and long commutes.
      What people think and how I present is very secondary to that.
      And as to work, my great-aunt buying me basically every polo shirt she comes across has helped a great deal on the work front for me

      • Thanks Amidola! I love the idea of accepting your mountain-dwellerness!

        I am tiny and round with ALL THE BOOBS, built like a happy hobbit housewife. Which can be a great look in itself if you wanna embrace an earth mother flowy skirt vibe but is hard to reconcile with the things I kind of want to do with my clothes atm. Anyway…

        Yeah I did therapy around my habits with food for several years but never really did get to a healthier more sustainable place for more than a few months at a time. I’m pretty feast or famine, medicating with food or restricting it, (even though dieting is pretty much probably what slowed my metabolism in the first place), and it’s hard to imagine getting to a really sustainable place where I don’t restrict any food group but I am also able to just eat when I am hungry/celebrating, and have that hunger be real (not carb cravings). Even if/when I do, I assume my body will have settled at a higher weight than I envisioned for myself when I was younger. Kind of at the point where I’m trying to accept that and move on from it, and look at – ok, this is where I am, so what is going to make me feel good and healthy and empowered? What clothes, what food, what activities? And I’m not really sure yet! But at least I’m trying? I dunno

        • I don’t know if having an “I’m hungry,I’m just going to eat this and I’m not,so I’m not going to eat this.” Normal kind of response to food, where the head does not kick in, at all, will ever be truly possible for me.
          I have huge boobs, too, and they keep getting bigger, with time, regardless of my weight, and I have a belly,too, so people at my new job kept asking me whether I was pregnant..
          Well, talk about awkward.
          After all, for me, going to the gym helped with my body issues.
          Let me rephrase that:Going to the gym not to lose but to gain weight was the most liberating thing ever.
          I don’t know how to phrase this, since I don’t identify with any vocabulary word in the realm of trans/genderqueer, but looking like the epitome of the womanly busty blonde was simply grating.
          So, to keep this short, I decided to secretly be a Superhero last year and I’m lifting weights and working out and that literally makes me happy.
          My relationship to food has improved immensly from should/shouldn’t, to need:protein/carbs/nutrients and “I can’t skip this meal, or I won’t be able to take the bike tomorrow”.
          It’s still not an easy one, and I don’t know if this will last, but right now, I’m going to get up and go to the farmer’s market around the corner and buy all the fresh fruit and meats and I will go to the gym later and l will hit a boxing bag until my lungs give out, because it’s a lot more satisfying to hit things than to eat it all up.

          • I hear this! I don’t know if my eating can ever truly be separated from my feels. But just doing healthy things for my body without focusing on weight loss has been huge. And as much as I hate exercising, making time for it does feel good when I can, especially when I can feel my body getting stronger.

            I think it’s also ok to be fat and to eat whatever you want and to not care at all about what people think. I don’t understand why it’s anyone’s business what people eat or whatever. Like, it doesn’t come out of any real concern for fat people’s health, even though people will say it does. It’s about shaming and fitting some heteropatriarchal standard of beauty, plain and simple. I’m the only one who gets to make decisions about my health.

            It does feel good, though, if you can channel those negative feelings about food and your body into healthy habits that’s aren’t about changing your weight, but about changing your emotional, spiritual, and physical health. Totally agree! And awesome that you are lifting and feeling great about yourself!

  6. Hello Humans!

    So instead of being responsible and engage in some SEXY HARDCORE studying, I decided to participate in the ever so sexy Friday Open My Legs Thread…… As you guys can see, I have a particular thing on my mind lol. I haven’t been able to engage in physical activity with my fiancee because of all the studying :( . The adderall doesn’t help that situation and I haven’t taken it today.

    :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

    So I found this!

    And This!!!!

    Now both images are on all set as the wallpapers and screen savers in the office! Muhahahahahahahaah

    Oh I do have some wonderful news! I am awesome. Well, that wasn’t the wonderful news, but I figured to let you all know that information :D . The great news is that I have been accepted in to the national honor society for community colleges! Yay me! I was really feeling bummed that none of my academic achievements were being recognized. It must be the nerd in me. So when I got the invitation and acceptance letter I was beyond thrilled. But I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone. Lately, I have been getting snubbed by my loved ones for any type of good thing that happens to me that I feel ashamed if anything good does happen. But I am still happy. :D

    Long Live Lesbian Magicrap.

  7. You must be really excited that little T-Rex is coming. Speaking of, which I spent half an hour googling Dinosaurs with my cousins 3 year old. His favorite is the T-Rex, that is until I showed him the Stegosaurus, which he said the long neck was cool. I also realized maybe I(and schools) need to learn more about other dinosaurs besides the popular 3.

    I’m from SoCal so really for me the closest thing to a traditional diner was Denny’s and Johnny Rocket’s growing up. Or maybe it was just my area, where all the kids after middle school would walk there(rockets) for shakes and fries. It was weird to see the UK version of it when I was there a few years back. They call it Eddie Rockets, because that’s some how more American/UK friendly? I dunno. And late night for us was Taco Bell cause it was either open till like 3am and cheap. Oh how times have changed.

    How’s everyone’s week? I am just getting tired of telling my family to stop gendering me. I know I keep mentioning it, but this is a part of who I am. I am not a male, boy, son, or brother, I am Al, child/offspring, and sibling. I am a person full of love and respect. Also, having no luck on Her as I am seeing some transphobic-ish stuff being posted, like leave the Sausage fest to the gay men, or why are masculine folks on this app. Like forgetting that this app is open to trans women and non-binary folks, not just cis queer women, who fit a certain look. Ugh

    On the plus side, I think I did make new friend/pen pal w/ a lovely queer via tumblr, and I think it’s mutual. Yay. I am also thinking about going to a queer party tonight that Autostraddle artist Molly Adams maybe at. But, I am a little nervous to go alone, specially out in Hollywood. It’s free, anyone care to join me tonight?

    The city was on fire this week(still is, but not as noticeable).

    Outside my work.

    This was from the backyard. Blood red sun.

    Thank you for viewing and reading my post. Have a positive weekend!

    • They call is Eddie Rockets in the UK? That’s weird… There was a Johnny Rocket’s at the mall near-ish where I grew up. I always felt bad for their staff that had to sing and whatever.

      I’m sorry Her has been a shitty experience for you. Ugh. Is there a way to report bad behavior to the mods/staff at Her? I’ve never used it…maybe someone else knows.

      I hope you go to the party! Sounds like fun!

      • Wait the people at your Johnny Rockets sang? They never did that at the ones I’ve been to here, nor were they on skates. They did have a juke box thought with classic hits from the 50’s and 60’s.

        • There were the mini-jukeboxes on the tables, but then when certain songs came on, the staff would have to do a little performance. I don’t know. This was like circa 1998? So maybe it’s not like that anymore?

    • This is my third week posting here, and I could not have predicted how much I like it! Public semi-journaling and seeing everyone else’s struggles and triumphs is really nice and I like y’all a lot.

      This week was good! After a lot of turbulence, I’m finally settling down in my job and I’m not worried as much about getting fired anymore. My queer trivia team has finally attracted a fair number of people and we killed it last week. We won money!

      I haven’t been able to indulge my introvert side in a month and I’m craving a weekend uninterrupted by worrying about social interactions. I’m gonna cook and do laundry and watch my backlog of Steven Universe and Outlander and read books and just totally bliss out. It’s gonna be great.

      Oh yeah, and there will be a brief interlude where I go to a Harry Potter release party wearing my very queer Liftyndor muscle tee that I can’t really pull off cause I’m a little fat. #Queer10Straight0

      • Glad you keep coming back to FOT! I hope you love that Steven Universe backlog. It’s been a great summer season so far! Can’t wait to hear what you think about it!

        Also, I’m sorry, “Liftyndor”? That’s brilliant.

  8. After a six hour straight (minus pee breaks) tattoo session and waiting for almost six weeks for my artist to get me in, I finally got my A-Camp tattoo that I needed to get right after I left the mountain. I have another piece on that arm, but my Camp tattoo is the main focus for a half sleeve with a theme of sexuality and gender identity. A fellow Camper asked, “How does it feel to have the word ‘Feelings’ tattooed on you?” It’s actually kind of ironic in that way, because I’ve always been a person who tends to keep their feelings inside and that was one of the biggest things I wanted to work on during Camp and after and I’m trying everyday to be more vocal and to share emotions with those around me. I always suck at posting these pictures so fingers crossed it works! Haha.

    As for diner foods, going to undergrad and grad school in Philly turned me on to Pizza Fries! Also when I lived in the Northeast driving up to NH from Philly always required a stop at the Blue Colony Diner off of I-84 in Newtown, CT to get a gyro and pick up a killer loaf of Challah bread to bring to my mom.

  9. Also! My non-profit theatre company, LezCab ( is putting on a concert on Monday, August 29th at Joe’s Pub in NYC – we’re singing 90s pop songs! I’d love to see your amazing faces there!

    If you can’t make it (or even if you can), please consider making a tax-deductible donation through Indiegogo to support the show.

    To get a taste of the show, watch some videos from when we did it last time!

    THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

  10. I have so many happy memories of the 24 hour diner near where I went to undergrad, but I have such conflicting feelings about it because a few years after I graduated it closed when all the waitresses quit because the kitchen staff was sexually harassing them.

    However, I am a connoisseur of breakfast food. I love it all. From the breakfast sandwiches with the weird fake egg on them you get in airports to pretentious brunch places where avocado toast costs like $10… I could eat breakfast for every meal.

    (In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m living off omelettes at this point, since I’m a busy grad student vegetarian and eggs cost like $3 for a dozen and cook in like 5 minutes and you can mix so many things into them its so hard to get sick of them. Recently I’ve been mixing a lot of pesto into the pan because a Trader Joe’s ad told me to).

    In other news, I’ve been having some weird health problems but the tests the doctor did said they aren’t serious at all, so now I can stop worrying that I have all the weird incurable diseases from WebMD.

    • Girl I feel the pure omelette meals. My personal favorite is cream cheese and fried mushrooms because it gets a little more protein and vitamins into the mix, as well as kicking up the tanginess a few notches.

      Glad you don’t have any incurable diseases! *Lafayette voice* You are the worst, WebMD…

  11. I’m mostly just still digesting the fact that I live in a world where a woman can – for real- be President. I kind of feel like this past year or so has been one giant HOLY SHIT for me… all these things I never really thought I would live to see. Marriage equality is the law. A woman is a step away from the presidency. Even little/not so little things like watching Star Wars and Ghostbusters and seeing myself reflected back at me… feeling connected to the heroes of stories and leaders of our country without barriers getting in the way. I was unprepared for how emotional I felt watching Hillary Clinton say “I accept your nomination for President of the United States.” I was not ready, y’all. I had a lot of feelings. It was amazing to watch. It was amazing to hear women performing live at the convention and to have women’s music pumped through the speakers. I never realize how rare that is until it happens and I’m like… oh yeah! Why don’t dudes ever use women’s music?

    And even though I really REALLY hate the whole idea that our only purpose for doing anything is to make the world better for our kids – as someone who doesn’t want to procreate I get annoyed that we can’t also want to make the world better.. just… you know… for those of us still living here – but the thought that my 3 year old niece will never remember a time when women couldn’t be Jedis, Ghostbusters, or the President of the Fucking United States is pretty amazing.

    Also my best friend just accepted a new job away from her toxic mess of a garbage human/boss, aaaannnndddd I evolved a beautiful new Ninetails Pokemon this morning… so it’s a pretty good day in general.

    • I cried (unexpectedly) when Barack Obama won the 2008 election. I’m pretty sure I’m going to bawl if Hillary Clinton wins in November. Regardless of where you stand on Clinton v. Sanders v. Stein v. Fuck Them All, it is a MOMENT, a damn historical moment, you know?

      I also hate the “for the children” stuff, but I guess it works. On a similar note, I think it’s so annoying that the whole focus is on “humanizing” Hillary, which if you get down to it is about framing her as a mother, grandmother, and nurturer. Because, like, fuck, she is a strong ass woman with a huge brain and is literally the most qualified candidate who has ever accepted a Democratic nomination for President. Why does she also have to be the nation’s mom? But I get why. It’s to win. Because people need women to be warm and nurturing in order to trust them. Fine, whatever.

      But like, yeah, I can’t imagine what this is like for girls growing up today. It’s pretty damn cool!

  12. This is my life right now:

    “Totally handling this”

    “Then why is everything on fire?”

    “I don’t know, I don’t speak fire. Do you speak fire? Ask the fire why it’s on everything.”

    Things are not good and I’m on cough medicine.
    Not that I need to help to form odd thoughts just it felt relevant to mention.

    This however is good and will hit you in childhoods but in the happy way


  13. This post is making me so hungry. I haven’t been to many diners, but even still, I can almost feel myself sitting in one. The squealing leather booths. The ribbed metal bands around the thickness of the table. The scallop-edged paper place mats. The dish of sugar packets.

    My life situation is currently that this week has been long and I would love at least one day this weekend to relax at home, but fate has conspired to make that impossible. Tomorrow, my fiancee and I are driving from southern CT to about halfway up the Maine coast to officiate a roller derby doubleheader. Then Sunday, we’re driving down to the Boston area for her nephew’s birthday party. And then we’re driving to our hometown out in Western Mass to chill with her family. So we’re not going to get back to our apartment until late and it’s making me sad. I think it’s all going to be very fun! But I’m also going to be thinking about my couch and sighing wistfully.

    In a bit of fun news, the cake toppers my fiancee commissioned for our wedding cake are done and on their way to us! The creator sent us the photo and I almost died because of how cute they are. We had to each pick a Pokemon and of course I immediately said “Feraligatr” and she said “Feraligatr’s not cute, what about Totodile” and I said “FERALIGATR” and she said “well then I get Haunter” and I said “Haunter has no legs, how’s he gonna stand on the cake” and she said “FINE THEN GENGAR”. Or something, it went something like that. And then we decided they should be wearing Hogwarts scarves. Basically the only way these could represent us more is if they were wearing derby gear and if Feraligatr was holding a lightsaber.

    Anyway, here’s the picture.

    *fingers crossed the picture works*

    • OH MY CUTENESS. Those cake toppers, tho. TRUE LOVE. <3

      I hope you have the safest of travels as you traverse the greater New England region this weekend. Sounds like a lot of fun! But I know what you mean. It’s like your whole weekend will be over before you get a chance to relax. I hope it’s worth it and you have lots of good tunes and snacks for the car.

      • Wowow cake toppers!!

        Enjoy Maine, we might have a very problematic governor but the state is a pretty cool place to be. If you’re in Portland and like weird funky grocery stores I suggest you check out Miccuci’s, it’s a little Italian grocery that stocks all manner of fun and delicious things.

  14. Pre srry Kaelyn

    I only have one milkshake recipe and it is also my only cocktail specialty :P

    2 cups vanilla ice cream (have not tried non-dairy ice cream yet)
    2/3 milk (can be a non dairy milk I promise)
    1/3 kahlua or chocolate liqueur


    but to make up for this have villain song


    “I’m not the damsel in distress.
    I’m not your girlfriend or the frightened princess.
    I’m not a little bird who needs your help to fly.
    Nope… I’m the bad guy.”

    and oh hey have you ever taken a cheese grater to a de-skinned apple, put the shavings into pancake mix, liberally sprinkled cinnamon and nutmeg in too thus making apple pancakes?
    I have it’s delicious.
    It’s my favourite sat my ass down took time to make breakfast thing of which there will be not leftovers at all.

  15. When my best guy friend and I were in middle school, and I was beginning to woo my first girlfriend-to-be without fully realizing that’s what I was doing, and he was putting off his own gay reality by dating every girl in drama club, he made me a mix cd with “Come to Your Senses” as the title track. Needless to say, that didn’t work out for either of us, but I have loved that song ever since. I haven’t thought about Tick Tick…Boom in a long long time, so thanks for reminding me and putting a smile on my face!

    I was already in a great mood because I just applied for the lease on a new apartment with a super cool queer roommate, and rewarded myself with new undies and this shirt from UO:

    Have a great weekend everyone!! Mine is going to be a whirlwind of Knoebels and softball playoffs, but a man on the street today told me to “have a beautiful weekend,” and goddammit that’s what I plan to do!

    • “Come To Your Senses” is one of my Top 5 Songs to Blast on Repeat After a Breakup. The lyrics are kind of awful, but the belt-i-ness of it is spot on for emotional sobbing.

      Hope you kick ass at softball playoffs! Happy Friday!

  16. My week has been one long waiting game for tonight, Tonight, TONIGHT! It is the coronation event for my Mardi Gras krewe, and the theme is dieselpunk. I love a good dress up party, and my look for the party is kind of “Tank Girl” inspired so I’m ready to go out and be fiiiiieeeeerce.

    I even got a new, alternative lifestyle haircut yesterday for the occasion! I had waist length hair until about 3 months ago when I cut it up to my shoulders (ish), but now that I’ve got this super short ‘do I feel strong and powerful as hell. I can’t believe I waited this long.

    I hope all you beautiful people have a delightful weekend enjoying whatever your favourite activities are. Enjoy yourselves and each other.

  17. When we were young and travelled in the US we had something called hush puppies in a diner. I remember them being nice but I don’t know what they were made of,potato maybe?
    My lovely wife is pregnant which is incredible, but she’s not been well and she’s been in hospital for a few weeks, which is obviously shit and stressful. This evening we pulled the curtain round the bed and watched Some Like it Hot on a laptop with one headphone each and it was bloody lovely. I wouldn’t have thought a romantic date night in a hospital was possible but I’m glad I was wrong.

      • Of course she’ll get better. The hospital are just being careful. Soon this will be just a memory and there will be a new human and it will be incredible.
        We also did the hospital tour this week which was exciting. The midwife really nearly got to the end without referring to the partners as dads. Which is weird because everyone else we’ve met in the NHS has been totally normal with us.

        • Good to be careful. Precious cargo and all that! It is going to be so incredible! We did our hospital tour last week and were the only (visibly) queer couple in the tour group, but that’s kind of been our experience with pregnancy stuff, in general.

          It’s so weird to think that these little humans will soon be in the outside world with us! AH!

          I hope your pregnancy experience continues to be good and best of luck to you and your wife!

  18. OMG I’ve loved Tom’s Diner ever since a friend played it for me to prove that the first few seconds of Centuries were sampled from something even better. I’ve never seen the music video before though. It’s an… Experience.

    My week has been weird tbh. On the one hand I’m a queer trans woman who isn’t out to family staying with family in a very rural, conservative area… So that’s a constant hedge maze of trying to present as masculine as possible, for safety reasons, without really screwing my brain up. On the other hand, staying in touch with all of my amazing (mostly queer) friends from the city is a beautiful touchstone of normalcy and a reminder of the reality I can get back to in September. I’ve been working (and sort of succeeding, at times) at practicing the kind of radical self love that means accepting that my body can be beautiful and desirable even when it doesn’t look or function like the body that most/many women have. So that’s an interesting time, both when it works and when it doesn’t.

  19. This week has felt a little weird. In just over three weeks my final year of undergrad starts, and my textbooks are beginning to arrive. I went to see Ghostbusters and absolutely loved it. Then two women contacted me on the dating app HER, but one wanted to ask if I’d like to take part in some Instagram photo project about what lesbians look like (I’m still debating) and the other is 18 (and is making me feel really old right now). I’m also working on writing letters to various professors in the hopes of joining one of their research teams. I did get some help from Career Services on campus, but I am, as ever, unsure of what to say. In the meantime I’m reading some of the articles the professors have gotten published. So, yeah, it’s felt a little strange.

  20. So today I did a ton of weeding/clearing out the yard of my very favorite queer lady role models in my life, A and H. They have always talked to me like I’m a grownup (I’m 15) and when they were settling down together, they incorporated instead of getting married. Gosh I love them. So that was great, and I’m getting paid for it. Dratted spiderwort!!

    Also, this evening my old friend and I are going to indulge in the all american pleasure of riding on this that make us concerned for our safety and eating deep fried food; that’s right we’re going to the county fair.

    My best friend texted me today with an outfit that she was trying on with the caption “is this how you mix femme and butch?” and my immediate reply was “YES YOU LOOK SO GAY AND SO PRETTY”

    I leave for my year abroad in like 20 days. If anybody has advice on living without your family for the first time and also learning Spanish really quickly, please enlighten me

    I’m super looking forward to my local queer camp, aka activism camp. We’re getting bigger every year and gosh I’m SO FREAKING EXCITED!

    • Enjoy your year abroad, that’s really exciting! As someone who just completed her first year of college and speaks only English, I can offer advice on one of your two problems.

      Living without your family for the first time is going to be rough, especially if you come from a supportive and caring background where you feel welcome and loved. The first week or two are bound to be tricky, filled with lots of homesickness and regret. But after that things will start to look up. My advice: if your physical and mental health will allow you, throw yourself into the place you’re living as much as you can. If possible, make friends and walk around the place you’re living. Get to know the coffee shops and the corner stores and the libraries, etc.. Once you get over the initial system shock of being well and truly away from home for the first time, the best parts of being in a new place will start to make it through into your brain and you’ll be able to reconcile “home and family” and “here and now” as two separate places which each have their own benefits and are each places you can be happy. Also, as strange as it may sound, be prepared to do the whole thing over again when you come home (although that end is a little easier).

      Good luck, have fun, and stay safe!

  21. THE SMALL ONE IS COMING. Then you can eat all the kuchen you want, y/y? The Small One will have to wait to grow teeth to eat kuchen, though. But since Small Ones seem to mostly sleep, i doubt they will be jealous. At least, not yet. (dun dun dunnn)

    Uhh this week, i dunno. I went to a party last Saturday & felt really shitty there; i felt pretty sure that friends were judging me & didn’t want me there, & i couldn’t get drunk. Thankfully i was able to text my friend Zack, who was mostly on the other side of the room, & we went back & forth with me feeling shitty & also frog & poop emojis. Things kind of ended up okay by the time everyone was settling down; a fairly big handful of people stayed the night & we all took a while to fall asleep. The next day felt better; we got our traditional morning-after breakfast at a bagel place & then i ended up going to the Pride thing in Druid Hill Park with my friend Allison. It was really hot & we were only there for a while, but it was actually nice. I saw so many amazing dogs, including a 3 yr old pit bull named Alex who jumped on me to give me kisses, & i had vanilla ice cream with rainbow edges, & i found three different mental health booths & took literature from each. (Have i called anyone yet? Uh, no…. no, i haven’t. Still. Uh.)

    I keep getting job rejection emails & it’s becoming harder & harder to find anything. I was going to apply for a job at a rare book place, but i waited too long to try & write a cover letter, & the listing was gone.

    The resident printer/scanner machine has been acting up pretty badly & i thought i’d fixed it, but after printing about 32 pages, it gave me the B200 error again. Canon keeps telling me that i need to replace it, but i really don’t have the money for that. It’s also just kind of a problem: we need to be able to scan & print things. I was using it to be able to print out my zine, because i don’t have it in a format that i can send off to another to be printed (even though that would be so much more economical, i’m sure, but idk if it’s worth almost $6 a month to be able to make PDFs).

    Yesterday, the 28th, was the two year anniversary of the first time i went inpatient. It was weird when i thought about it. In a lot of ways, this year is even worse than 2014, so when people pull the “it gets better” crap, i pretty much want to roll my eyes right out of my head. The only reason i haven’t ended up back inpatient this year is because i’m not being constantly monitored (like in day hospital), i don’t have a therapist (& even then, would i be honest? probably not), & i don’t tell my psychiatrist anything beyond symptoms. I have too much to try to do (in vain?), & i’d miss my dog. When i thought about stuff yesterday, it once again struck me how odd it is to be allowed to walk around freely. You never stop to think how weird it is until you’ve been on a locked unit where you’re nearly always watched (depending on your level) & you can’t even get your own coffee.

    It also rained a ton & i got soaked more than once. I met up with the aforementioned Zack, & we wandered around playing Pokemon Go. There’s a new bubble tea place that opened where we were, & so i basically introduced him to it (he texted me today with “What have you done to me” & at first i was alarmed, but then he was like “I WANT BUBBLE TEA” & i kind of cackled). I was finally able to catch a freaking Eevee & we walked around a lot & then we got caught in the rain at the end of the night. We were making loud distressed noises & i suddenly started obnoxiously singing the Matchbox 20 song about how “she only sleeps when it’s raining”. It took forever for me to get back home, & the buses jostled so much that my stomach got upset, & i was soaking wet, but it was really fun to hang out & catch Pokemon. :)

    Tomorrow my dog has to go to the vet at 8 am. Thankfully a friend, Vanessa, is willing to drive us there so his itchiness can be looked at. I’m definitely nervous because i don’t know how he might react to Vanessa, or her truck, or the smell of her dog in the truck. On top of the fact that he’ll need his whole body looked at, & if the 200 mg of trazodone doesn’t calm him, they’ll probably have to sedate him. On top of the fact that i totally slacked off muzzle training again, so he’ll be upset because of that, too. I really need to work with him with a trainer, but again, that’s money i don’t have. I have no income, so i don’t know how i’d afford training sessions that will probably be $100, if not maybe more. But he really needs it, & it would make me feel a lot better. I just hope this vet we’re seeing tomorrow is as understanding as the other vet we saw at this particular place, who understands that he’s not “bad”, he just… has his own problems.

    I caught a Vulpix today in my room! I am a lazy PokeGo person haha. I also still haven’t chosen a team. The pressure is just too mUCH.

    • Sending all the rare Pokemon and bubble tea to you. I kind of gave up on PokeGo because I’m too lazy to collect them and/or learn what I’m supposed to do with them once I have them.

      I hope everything goes will wth your pup. <3

        • @caitlin-2: It’s worth asking, at least. Libraries are helpful places! There’s a decent chance they’ll have a scanner of some sort, and once you have it as an electronic file, if it isn’t already a PDF, you can save it as one without too much trouble. If the library doesn’t have one, they should at least be able to point you to an office store or printing place that can scan it for you. If there’s a university library in town (that’s open access), it’ll almost certainly have a scanner, but even regular public libraries have a decent chance of having a scanner these days.

          • If it scans as a PNG or JPEG or some other image format, I recommend GIMP for file conversion. It’s basically Photoshop but open source (and therefore, most importantly, free) and it’s just a couple of clicks to open an image file and export as a PDF.

  22. I love drink refills and grilled cheese too! They sell them at my school but I try to limit myself to only one a week.
    I’ve had a pretty amazing week! On Monday night I went to see Tegan and Sara for the first time and it was amazing!!! I was pretty close to the front, but not quite close enough so I had to stand on my tippy toes the whole night. It’s hard being 5’1 1/2. But I’m really excited because they’re coming back in March. And I made some awesome new friends at the concert too :)
    I’m about to go have crepes with some friends. Might be slightly weird though because I took my ex there on our second date. But anyway then we’re going to a rally to protest the treatment of children in juvenile detention centres.
    Hope everyone’s had a good week and that your weekends are awesome sauce :)

  23. Woof. Been a while. Been busy. I work in the news so we’ve been all politics all the time the past few weeks. While I’ve been trying to stay away from watching coverage when I’m not at work, I am very VERY pleased about the past week. Let’s just say the newsroom got a little dusty when Sarah McBride spoke… (first trans person to speak at a major party convention FTW!)

    This past week was both really great and really hard. I’ve been on medication for anxiety and depression for about two months now – and I just increased my dose on Wednesday. But I got a chance to meet one of my new favorite authors at work today, which was lovely. Looking forward to relaxing this weekend – spending the next one with my girlfriend out of state and the one after that with my best friend. Yay things! Have a good one, y’all!

    • I’ve been watching the highlights of the conventions because I don’t have the energy to watch it all! But of course I tuned in last night and I watched Sarah McBride’s speech. Just….she was incredible and I can’t believe we are finally in this moment. About damn time.

      Hope you have a wonderful weekend. So much to look forward to!

      • I don’t blame you for only watching the highlights! There was just so much to both, it’s crazy. Absolutely agreed about Sarah. I’m excited to see what’s next. :)

        Thank you! You as well! Good luck with the final T-rex preps :)

    • Some of my friends in media have coined the term Trump Anxiety Disorder for what’s happening to them now that the news is so upsetting, and also their job to follow. So you’re not alone. I am so glad that you are one of the people in that newsroom! :)

      • I love that! It’s so true. I work in an activist-y nonprofit field where we are constantly reading about and dealing with people getting screwed over by systematic oppression and it’s like…just too much sometimes to watch the news when I get home, too. I think it’s OK to turn off sometimes!

        I definitely have Trump Anxiety Disorder. Ugh.

  24. So I know this is way out of left field, but I just made a feedback form for my website that actually works, as in, it sends me a real e-mail that relays what was put into the form. I did not have to use Formbuddy or Google Forms or anything like that. Instead, I copied and hacked together some PHP code, which until today, I knew nothing about. I’m sorry, but I’m irrationally happy about this. When so many things are blowing up all around me and it seems like I can’t really gain traction, I will take every win, no matter how small.

    Now I can go back to feeling bad about being a content creator who ain’t creating content…

  25. Afternoon folks, it’s Saturday, I’m back to being late. Hope all T-Rex prep shenanigans are going swimmingly KaeLyn. Hope it’s all exciting and the heat isn’t horrendous. The temp here has dropped back to between 18-21 C, so it’s bearable.
    The only diner I’ve ever been to is Fran’s in Toronto, because British. It was a damn good breakfast.
    Last Sunday my wife took me to see ghostbusters-guys my ovaries exploded and then my heart…I just want to watch it on a loop.
    This week at the day job I removed the heteronormativity from what I’m now referring to as the “We’re all going to the Zoo” song (Oddly I never knew it was “Daddy’s taking us to the zoo” in verse one and “Mommy’s taking us” in the last verse, in my mind it was never that normative) ahead of teaching it to a bunch of 4-6 y/o’s next week. It’s my once yearly kids week. Wish me luck.
    Have great weekends folks, may your pancakes be stacked and your OJ be as you like it best. ?

    • Thanks, @gloriousobscurity! It has been a brutally hot, hot summer in upstate NY. I feel like I can’t complain too much, though, because we got central air conditioning this summer for the specific purpose of keeping my pregnant butt comfortable. We only run it when we need to and we have an energy-saving thermostat, so I try not to feel too bad about contributing to the end of the world. I’m sure grateful and so is T. Rex.

      I have to admit I didn’t know diners were a specifically North American thing, but I guess that makes sense!

      I don’t know this zoo song, but bravo for taking down the heteropatriarchy one four-year-old at a time! Rock on!

  26. Long time, no posting. Mostly because I’ve been super busy at work. Which is good.

    I need ankle surgery tho from that fall back in May and I’ll have part of a dead person’s ligament in me at the end of it.

    And we’re trying to adjust my meds so I have a brain that works to remember stuff, but hahaha nope that’s not been great for the chronic pain so idk what the next step is. Which is a bummer.

    • Hi, @hollisb! Hi, hi, hi! So good to hear from you.

      Sorry to hear you’re going to need surgery and the chronic pain is still cramping your style. <3

      I hope your summer has otherwise been good/bearable and you’ve been able to get to the water some days. I can’t believe how quickly this summer is flying by.

  27. Hi friends. I am now living alone for the first time in my 38 years. My wonderful wife moved across the country for work about a month ago. And as I suspected, it really sucks. I work a ton, which keeps me busy, but when I get home… Reality check… she isn’t there. The 2 hour time difference sounds like it isn’t a big deal, but it can be. If she works late or goes to happy hour with work-mates it’s my bedtime and our Skype date is cut short or cancelled all together. So as I wait for her call I clean, watch shows, and wait. I look around my new apartment and realize she has never even seen it. Our furry doggy kid mopes around too… My wife is the fun one. So I work, come home, wait for our Skype date and go to bed. It’s really lonely. I feel like I just count the days until our next visit (21) and try to think of things to distract me. How am I going to do this for 3 years? Why are there no jobs for me there? Has it only been a month?!? Ugh.

    • Aww, @arosenbaum, that sucks. I can’t imagine. That is a huge change in the dynamic of your relationship/life.

      I imagine it’s especially hard when you are the one who “stays behind.” Like, your wife is in a new place with new people and new things to see and do. And you’re back home with the same job and people and things.

      I am sorry it sucks right now. :/ Are there any activities/hobbies you used to do when you were a single person that you could pick back up? Friends you haven’t seen in a while you could make plans with for happy hour, dinner, etc.? Sitting around waiting for the phone to ring does not sound like a great time.

      It’s not the same at all, because we at least get to sleep in the same bed and see each other late at night, but my spouse and I work opposite shifts and have for almost 9 years. It was an adjustment at first. It forced me to not rely on Waffle for all my emotional support and activity partner stuff. I spend a lot of time alone in the evenings (which I have grown to like), but I also go out and see my friends more and make dinner plans on my own and go to events and such alone or with a friend a lot of the time. I am actually quite used to it now and I think my friendships and life balance are better for it. I actually don’t know what I’d do for self-care if we went back to working the same hours. What I’m saying is, I am totally empathizing with how much it sucks and I hope you find a rhythm or solution that gives you a little more balance in your daily life and marriage. Or at least that it gets easier with time. And I hope your mopey doggy is giving you extra love. <3

  28. I want to visit LA and Seattle sometimes this year or next year but the cost of plane tickets is expensive. I’m in Portland,Or but the cost of some tickets makes it seem like I’m booking a flight from Portland, Maine

    • Try the train!The coast starlight should run your way, both directions.If you’re a bit flexible on the dates and times, you might wiggle a cheap ticket out of there.
      I’m going to be taking the train along the east coast this September (the Silver Meteor down to Florida), and I can’t wait to ride along those old, historic lines that opened the US up to its width and lenght two hundred years ago.
      You guys have a historic, scenic, spectacular and wildly underused railroad system!

    • I hope all your travel dreams come truuueeee. Have you tried looking for times of the year when travel is cheaper? Most places, even LA, are cheaper to travel to at certain times of the year. Usually after or before major travel holidays/vacation seasons or when weather is less-than-ideal. I dunno. I do a lot of combing for cheap travel deals and timing is always important to getting an affordable price.

      Last minute deals can also be awesome if you can be flexible on your travel dates. Like I just did a quick Expedia search and found a flight for $140 round trip from PDX to LAX departing mid-August. Also flying weekdays tends to be cheaper. And booking mid-week, too. Good luck!

  29. Instructions: Whip the margarine, sugar and vanilla in a
    bowl until it is light and fluffy. Vanilla is a favorite flavor of ice cream for many people and it
    made sense to choose vanilla since I wanted to please
    all. How many cups is 300 grams of caster sugar

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