FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: Help Me Pick New Specs Also Yay It’s Friday!

Hey there, crunchy snap pea crisps! Welcome to Friday Open Thread, a virtual vegan potluck with scrumptious mac and chreeze, a veritable buffet of protein options, and where absolutely no one brings store-bought chips and salsa! Also, a little thing where we all share what is happening life-wise and weep and laugh together and hold each other because community is exactly what we need right now!

How is your face? Is it good? My face is fine. I’m trying to find new glasses right now because I’ve been wearing the same specs for a gazillion years. 5 years, I think? Maybe 6 or 7? Either way, they are on the precipice of becoming nerd glasses held together with duct tape.

Also, they don’t totally fit my face, but I only recently learned that “Asian fit” or “low bridge fit” glasses are a thing and my world has been exploded!

No thanks to the mansplainy glasses salesdude guy at my optometrist’s office who told me my glasses (that I’d been proudly rocking for 5/6 years) didn’t fit my face well in a very rude way and then tried to pressure-sell me this one pair he had that was from Japan that he recommended for my face shape that was $450. “How much did you pay for your cell phone? Why wouldn’t you invest just as much in your vision?” “Think of it this way: it’s only $# cents per day if you wear these glasses for two years.”

Problem: I didn’t like the style of the glasses, which he only had in one color and also I just didn’t like them and he was presenting me with one option. I might have considered it for $50 glasses, but not $450! OK, dude. He’s the reason I’m still wearing my apparently-ill-fitting glasses a year later because he made me so uncomfortable that I mumbled my way out of there without committing to anything.

Asshole salesguy made me realize I had more options now than those wire-rimmed glasses with the non-slip nose pads I used to wear as a kid that hurt my face. I can have cute gay-looking glasses that also sit properly on my face?! Introduce: LOW BRIDGE FIT.

From article on so-called Asian fit or low bridge fit at Mic.

Glasses not made just for white people noses and faces. Into it. Unfortunately, no one near me sells them or specializes in them, so I’m stuck with looking online. I did the Warby Parker home try-on thing and I’ve narrowed it to these three. Your thoughts?

I have a very wide face, FYI. Here iny my face with my current (apparently hideously-fitting) glasses.

THIS IS MY FACE.

And here are the top three glasses frames I’m considering. Obviously, I’m leaning towards a tortoiseshell color. After having bold red glasses, I’m ready for something more neutral. I did purple for a few years, then black, then red, and now tortoiseshell. Maybe I’ll get two pairs—one neutral and one funky. ANYWAY, I need your opinions on these frame shapes! Vote 1, 2, or 3.

VOTE! (all glasses from low-bridge fit collection at Warby Parker)

Thanks a million! Now it’s your turn! What’s going on with you? What do you need help with? Have you seen the sun lately? Did you get your free trial of Hulu to watch The Handmaid’s Tale? What is stressin’ you out or giving you life or both? How much is that doggie in the window? I’m here, so hang out with me and tell me what’s up. Share pics. Raise a glass because it’s FRIDAY. Let’s go!

via Giphy


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KaeLyn is a 35-year-old (femme)nist activist, word nerd, and queer mama. You can typically find her binge-watching TV, over-caffeinating herself, standing somewhere with a mic or a sign in her hand, eating carbs, or just generally doing too many things at once. She lives in Rochester, NY with her spouse, a baby T. rex, a xenophobic cat, and a rascally rabbit. You can buy her debut book, Girls Resist! A Guide to Activism, Leadership, and Starting a Revolution if you want to, if you feel like it, if that's a thing that interests you or whatever.

KaeLyn has written 207 articles for us.

137 Comments

  1. Oh oh I have a hot tip for you! Have you looked into Zenni Optical? Online glasses realtor with DIRT CHEAP frames, but they’re surprisingly durable and they have a ton of styles. I may or may not have just ordered myself a pair of cool gay aviators for A-Camp from them.

    • I was also going to recommend Zenni! I have ordered a BOATLOAD of glasses from them over the past two years and they’ve all held up really well. They even send you a hard plastic case for each pair, which I didn’t expect for $9 glasses. Some pairs are more expensive (like my heart shape ones) but I don’t have any that cost more than $35. Having prescription sunglasses changed my life – as a constant sunglass-misplacer, I always refused to buy prescription ones because $$$$! Getting them from Zenni made me feel like it was okay to lose them because it’s honestly no different, cost wise, to losing a pair from Target.

      My blue pair and my friend’s mirrored aviators in this pic are both from Zenni, and each are $8.99, I think, with Rx lenses.


      These are also Zenni, and are my JAM. I’ve had both pair for over a year, took them hiking through Yellowstone, wore them riding sand dunes, and generally am just rough on them, and they’re truly still in great shape. I cannot recommend them enough

  2. 11111111111111111111111111111111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I obviously do not like the first pair at all… Also, love the second pair. Good luck with the choice! Have fun with your new glasses!!

  3. oooh, i like 1! they seem the most versatile, plus i think you’d get regular compliments on them because they’re a bit unique. 2 is a bit humdrum, which might be good if you’re looking for glasses people barely notice. 3 is in the vein of “i’m one of those cool nerdy librarians who knits” which could be your thing, but you’d probably have to have a lot of conversations about dr who and tell everyone how you never really liked benedict cumberbatch all that much.

    good luck! i’m sure they will all look great on you!

  4. I vote for 1! (Full disclosure I have similar styled ones)

    The Toronto Comics Arts Festival (TCAF) is happening this weekend and I’m super excited about it! It tends to have a lot of indie creators, and quite a few queer ones and it’s going to be great!

    I’ve also been enjoying all the new music that’s been coming out. Mary Lambert’s new EP it the cutest, there’s a song called “I’d be your wife”.

    Have a great weekend everyone!

  5. Oooh, I must say i’m leaning towards #3 but they all look great!!!

    This is a very bittersweet week for me. I just finished my last final exams ever, all I have left is a 12 week internship this summer and then I have a doctorate in my field! But it means I have to say goodbye to my home of the last six years, where I’ve met my closest friends, grew into myself, and learned I was queer (with such an amazing community around me). I’m excited to be done with school forever after twenty-something years and to start my life and career (once I hopefully pass my boards in October of course), but it’s simultaneously amazing and terrifying!

  6. Ugh I too need to get new glasses but they’re such a choreeeee. Anyway, hello KaeLyn, long time no see (pun? maybe intended?). Today I had to deal with some class-A racist fuckery at work and related crippling doubt about wtf I’m doing here, but at least I have cats to hug and game trophies to earn.

  7. I need new glasses, too, but I keep holding off. I wear contacts, and I only wear glasses at night/early morning (which I know technically isn’t that good for your eyes, but w/e), so I can survive without new ones for a little while.

    We’ve been busy at my day job, and at my art “job”, I might be starting a new musical, which is exciting. It will be a feminist musical, written by women. Go feminism!

    I’m eating a kale salad with hazelnuts! Aren’t hazelnuts the best? Either sweet (nutella) or savory, they’re amazing.

    • That all sounds amazing!!! I hope your new show goes well! I very rarely wear contacts, but I used to! I’m too lazy now and the more I can do to become invisible to men, the better. (I learned from 90’s teen romcoms that glasses are the best way to appear smart and avoid male attention, lest they discover you are can be smart and also a hottie sans glasses.)

  8. I vote for #3! They’re pretty neutral but not so neutral they’re boring (which is what I think 2 verges on so if you’re looking for a super neutral pair they would be great–I’m just not a fan of super neutral, I like understated-neutral).

    Also I’m interested in hearing how you like Warby Parker and that whole experience bc I’m looking at getting a backup pair of glasses with my current prescription that aren’t scratched to hell and if a second pair were FUN and COLORFUL that would be great (I love my prescription sunglasses that are a bright turquoisey color) for times I don’t need to worry about being “professional” or whatever.

    The last few weeks have been pretty shitty. I mean now I have a likely explanation for some of the shit that’s been happening–some sort of dysautonomia is causing the fainting and I also probably have IBS on top of everything else and I like having explanations, but…managing those in addition to the other stuff is proving to be problematic because especially IBS means a lot of pain management meds are out and the pain clinic I’ve been seeing doesn’t/can’t prescribe medical marijuana which shouldn’t exacerbate the IBS so it’s another doctor I have to see :/.

    Also everything in my body has been acting up. Which isn’t fun and is causing me to not eat nearly what I should be eating (and I’m not drinking what I need to be to help with the dysautonomia but I’m drinking enough to probably not be dehydrated?) and I’m just Concerned about that because at what point does hospitalization come in the picture (if this continues it’s…probably not too far away) and I hate hospitals.

    I don’t have a good picture of the one cat cuddling with me (which she always does when I feel awful and never does any other time and when it’s especially bad she follows me around the house presumeably bc she’s concerned) but here’s one of my attempts to harness train her (she is not interested in training, only wants to be able to eat grass and roll on the walkway)

    • I’m really sorry your body is being shitty (pun maybe intended?). Why can’t bodies just behave and do what we want them to???

      I had a similar experience with my GP (who is based in Ottawa – I went back for an ultrasound this week and saw him at the same time) not prescribing MMJ. And I’m based in Quebec City, where they’re apparently super-conservative and reluctant to prescribe it in general. I wish the process would be easier…

      Aside: if endo is still a suspect, apparently it can cause very IBS-like symptoms. Might be something to look into.

      • Yeah we’re pretty sure endo is in the picture and that’s part of the reason that the docs were hesitant to say anything about IBS, but since IBS is a functional issue and not a issue with the tissue itself and also how I’ve reacted to some OTC stuff for constipation, they’re like “okay yeah sure IBS but it’s probably a secondary thing and if you solve the pain issue with your chronic pain it might stop being an issue” but for now the chronic pain and endo is still there wreaking havoc so saying that I’m having functional issues with that part of my body makes sense as a diagnosis, at least to me.

    • I’m so sorry that you’re still dealing with pain and stress. I hope you can find a doc that will prescribe what you need to feel better.

      Your cat is so fluffy and pretty! I don’t know any cats that are actually leash-trained that obey their owners, but I’m sure she loves being out in nature.

      I’ll let you know about Warby Parker! They’re not the cheapest online option, but one of the few that have low bridge fit. I’ve heard good things about the quality of their glasses, too. Fingers crossed!

  9. I vote for 1, but ultimate it has to be which ever is the most comfortable on your face. Either way I’m sure you will make all three of them look good(even when worn at the same time). Also, isn’t Asian fit a bit too broad seeing as Asia is a large continent with varying facial features? Heck, I’m Iranian and we are technically Asian(though most never think Iran as Asia despite neighboring Pakistan and close to India, which is seen as art of Asia).

    How’s everyone’s week? I guess what I need help with is just finding lbtq people who are going to be honest with me? Like I mentioned the other week I ran into a person who I thought ghosted me after having what I thought was a good date. Said to message them for drinks. I did, but it got canceled this week. Like I dunno if I can believe the excuse or not. I want to as it’s a pretty common excuse, more so in our community, but at the same time I am just tired of this dance. Like I just want to hang out with lbtq people and have fun not guess what kind of game it is. I think I am just going to delete the contact again. I dunno, it’s like I hang out with a person once think we had a nice time, but then try to set up for a second time and it’s like the person can’t make it or they act like a ghost. Ugh

    On the plus side, Long Beach Pride is coming up this month and I’m trying to get a group to meet up with on that Sunday so there is that to look forward too. It shouldn’t be too hard as I know a few people going.

    Last Sunday it was kind of raining, but also the new season of Sense8 came out so I spent it home all way watching that. I found season to be better than season 1 in may ways. Without spoiling things I will say this season in some ways has been even more gayer. Plus, Nomi(Jamie) and Amanita(Freema), just maybe my favorite gay couple of TV right now with the good parts of Alice and Tasha a close second.

    No new images this week due to Sense8 watching, so I will just share more flower shots.


    And lastly more wave crashing from the other week.

    Thank you for viewing and reading my post. Have a positive weekend!

      • Yes, those two are just adorable on screen, like they are a couple irl. I dunno if you saw the few episodes, but I started crying over the queerness of it(trying to to spoil anything).

    • I agree “Asian fit” is maybe a little too broad and/or limiting. The more PC term is “low-bridge fit” and lots of people of different races and ethnicities benefit from it if they have a flatter nose shape. Mostly this is POC and ethnically non-European people, but that would be a weird name. I think, as per usual, “Asian” is being used to mean East Asian. whomp whomp

      Sorry the dating scene has been hot and cold. I don’t know anything about that, but I do know that the prospect of actual dating is bizarre and kind of scary to me, so kudos to you for continuing to put yourself out there. Ghosting seems super rude to me, but what do I know? If I was single, I’d just not talk to anyone, ever. Also, I tend to date (and fuck) my friends, which is not always the easiest situation, but I guess that’s always an option? Either way, much luck to you! At least you know everyone who has ghosted you is probably not worth your time, either. <3

      • I don’t think I could do that, many of my friends are in a relationship or are into the same type of lady(woman in leather riding a motorcycle for example).

        • That is a very specific type and I like it. My current spouse was in a long term relationship with my friend, but I don’t think I’d recommend the path we took. It was hella’ complicated.

  10. I strongly favor pair 1!

    Also, we got our caps and gowns for graduation and I’m SO excited. I have some work left, but most of my exams are done, so I’m taking more hours at work and playing with cats and eating mandarin oranges. Life is good.

  11. Definitely #3. Cute and sassy.

    It’s a very Fridayish Friday. I got to work super early and was very productive and had a good meeting and then when I got back from the meeting, the functional area of the software that I test was totally broken so I took some Buzzfeed quizzes (based on my ice cream preferences I should adopt a Dalmatian!) and am generally killing time before I can leave to go to the airport to get on a plane and go visit my girlfriend for the weekend.

  12. Hello, my little chickpea fritters! I am getting SO EXCITED to see some of you at A-Camp next week! I’ve started making my packing list, mapping out my travel route, and downloading podcasts for the road so that means it’s getting close!

    Work was really up and down this week. I drove 90 miles away to meet a new potential vendor on Monday. She owns a business that rents unique, vintage items for weddings and events. While we were talking, she mentioned that she has been looking to partner with someone to do more pop-culture themed events which is a big part of what differentiates me as a planner from the other women in town. I try to focus on theme / geeky / unique weddings, rather than the cookie-cutter look that most of the other companies in town can provide so I think this new vendor and I are going to be a great fit for each other.

    Unfortunately, I’ve really been struggling the rest of the week with trying to find the right photographer for a December couple’s wedding. The bride is Indian and the groom is white, so they’ve decided to have both a traditional Hindu ceremony as well as an American ceremony. I’ve contacted literally 50+ photographers in the region looking for SOMEONE with experience shooting Indian weddings and have come up empty handed. An experienced photographer is very important to her parents (as it should be – you’re spending a large portion of your budget on pictures because it’s the part of your wedding day that you keep forever). I have a lead for someone out of Houston, so everyone please cross your fingers, say a prayer, light a candle, that I can make it happen. I’m starting to panic a little and I’m normally not a panicker when it comes to these things.

    I hope you all enjoy your weekend! I’m going on a historic building tour tonight downtown with our preservation society, ending with a happy hour on the roof. Tomorrow I’m headed to east Texas for a crawfish boil at my college roommate and his wife’s house. Sunday, my younger cousin is having a gender reveal party at the tree farm. I’m trying to boycott that event, because obviously, but I’m concerned since it’s Mother’s Day I’ll get bitched out for not showing. Please advise.

    • Wow! Your job sounds super interesting and fun and also stressful? It sounds like you get to work with some really fun clients!

      Personally, I think maybe fighting the gender reveal head-on isn’t worth it. It’s a baby celebration and people get excited about baby celebrations. It’s not the best time to have “the gender talk” with your cousin. That talk will definitely be better received on another day. But making other plans and being “busy” is totally a thing you could do.

      I think gender reveal parties are cringe-worthy and archaic, but I also get that a lot of people have never even given it a second thought and are just excited about having a baby in their nice, safe, cishet bubble. Their good intentions don’t mean you have to play along, but also let them have their blue or pink cake and maybe introduce the subject of binary gender norms on a different day. My opinion. But totally you don’t have to go!

    • I know people who have had two different photographers for the different needs(one is more traditional the other more video oriented). Could always look into that? I’d also think Texas would have a few Indian photographers seeing as it’s the new location for them live(affordable rent and taxes from what a friend in college told me).

  13. Hi, first time commenting on one of these threads!
    I really like glasses #1 but I like #3 just a little bit more. They remind me of the pair I got when I was a sophomore(ish?) in high school, which I loved a lot.
    I’ve had my current pair for maybe two years now and I’m not super thrilled with them, so I guess I’m also on the market for a new pair! I should probably figure out my prescription first, though, since my contacts definitely aren’t right.
    I’ve had a so-so week because I had to leave DC (where I go to school) for the summer, and I’m already missing my friends and the city a lot. I haven’t started my summer job yet so I’ve mostly been reading and watching a lot of youtube. I’m thinking I might break out my skateboard this week just to get out of the house, and write a bit so I feel like I’m being productive (what do I want to write? my wlw novel? poetry? articles that I’ll never do anything with? poorly researched hockey analysis? really bad captain america fanfic? who knows!). Anyway, I hope things will get better when some friends I went to high school with get back in town and I have people to hang with.

  14. Hello! I love option one! I have this weird thing where one eye on my face is kinda bad but can get bad and then one eye is horrid but sorta ok eye takes over so I can deal without glasses but I should wear them. My gf loves me in glasses so I should just keep them on my face so I stop saying hi to people I think I know but don’t.
    My week was loooong. I’ve been having some health bumps for the past year and a halfish and my doc recently said it’s probably fibromyalgia and she gave me some meds and said see you in 6 weeks. But here’s the thing, you magical humans, I still feel like someone pushed me down multiple flights of stairs and zapped me of all my life force and it’s been tough to function and get to work and be an adult human. Does anyone on here with fibro or other chronic illnesses or just some adulting know how have any advice for dealing with this? Accepting that this is kinda my fate right now and it’s ok to slow down a bit and sometimes we’re 23 going on 55 and that’s ok. Anyone? Bueler?
    My gf is outta town for a while visiting family so it’s just been me and the cat chilling. We’re watching lots of tv and taking it slow and easy. Pets are the best medicine.
    Happy weekend, you delicious puff pastries! <3

  15. I vote 3!
    Funnily enough I just had a conversation with the girl in the basket next to my house because she just got glasses and I need new ones! I’ll be dragging my friends to help me pick out the most gay ones (I’m convinced the glasses will be the final thing which will stop me looking straight….)

    Eugh I haven’t had the best week…on Sunday we gave a workshop in how to intervene if you are a bystander to a harassment situation (which actually went pretty well) and then on Tuesday a guy on the metro physically assaulted me 3 times and nobody did anything and I got super duper mad!! Oh the irony!! So before I got off to move to another carriage I thanked everyone for all their help. My condescending tone is not as good in Spanish as in English but I think I got my point across haha!
    I had a few other things going on which drained me a little emotionally, but yesterday I joined this female feminist LGBT drumming group who I’ve wanted to join for ages and it was super fun! This weekend is the festival of the patron saint of Madrid and there’s loads of stuff going on so hopefully the rain goes away so I can enjoy my 3-day weekend woohoo!!!!

    Have a fabulous weekend everyone, and Kaelyn show us a photo when you get your new glasses!

  16. ooo. I dig the dual color of #1. I bought new glasses about 6 months ago and tried on probably a thousand pair so… yes to getting it right. I also wasn’t allowed to get big ol’ Buddy Holly glasses like I wanted because apparently my prescription is too strong and you can’t have big glasses if you need coke-bottle lenses 🙁

    I’m going to my first big civic Pride at the end of June! I’ll be in Madrid at ‘World Pride’ (which claims to be the largest in Europe, and the world? idk if that’s true but I guess if you’re gonna go to Pride for the first time might as well be the biggest something).
    Crowd sourcing this question: I’m going with my Spanish partner. He has a female cousin who came out as having a girlfriend a few years ago and lives with her girlfriend in another city. I said we should get in touch with her and ask if they’re going so we can all hang out. He is worried that asking her if she is going to pride (in the city where she was born!) could possibly be offensive if she does not actually identify as gay/isn’t very political about her sexuality/doesn’t want to be asked. I personally find that totally baffling, but I barely know her and he’s known her their whole lives. Would it offend anyone to get a message from a friend or family members asking if they were going to pride even if you hadn’t expressly said to them that you are LGBTQ+ ?

    • Oh yeah, that’s a tricky situation. I dunno. I think I’d leave it up to your partner. He probably knows her situation the best. But maybe you could just see if you can hang out, like, generally, and get to know her and her GF better? Either way, have super super duper fun at Madrid Pride!

    • Hi! Ok so I live in Madrid…..and from my personal experience it’s not offensive to ask someone if they’re going to Pride, regardless of their sexuality. I could not BELIEVE how many people got involved in Pride here compared to London and Brighton. I can tell you know that every single person I know is going to Pride in some capacity regardless of their sexuality. If it was another city in Spain then I would understand your partner’s concern a little more, but considering it’s Madrid plus World Pride I’d say it’s fine!!!

      Also….HMU if you want to hang out while you’re here!

      • yeah, I’ve heard 🙂 My partner is Madrileño and his whole family is from there, most of his straight friends will go just because it’s such a huge party and Chueca is a cool neighborhood. I’ve been so many times but we never seem to time it right for pride so – totes excited!

        • Eugh Chueca is probably gonna be unbearable though which is annoying as its where I spend most of my time in general lol. I’m hoping the fact they are opening a designated Pride Park will pull some of the people out of the centre. But either way it’s gonna be so much fun!

    • I’m going to World Pride in Madrid too! It’s my first pride too and I’m super excited. That is a tough question about your partner’s cousin- maybe suggest you all meet up for dinner and then causally bring up the subject? Hope you have fun in Madrid!

  17. Hi, KaeLyn! I vote for glasses option #2, personally. Hey, I also like your lipstick in that picture! Or is that your natural color? Pretty, either way!

    I already had Hulu, so I have watched Handmaid’s Tale. It’s pretty heavy, but I’m enjoying it. I won’t really feel any stress until Sunday, when I have to call my mom. Talking with her is always stressful. Easiest way, I’ve found is to just have a drink before the call, and then 2 more after it, lol.

    • Thanks! It’s a plain ol’ drugstore red lip pencil and lip balm, plus an instagram filter. I wish it was my natural color!

      I still haven’t watched it! Trying to find time with a baby on the loose is hard! I’m a big fan of Atwood’s writing, though, so I’m hoping to get to it soon!

      Good luck w/ mother’s day! It’ll be over soon!

  18. My ranking is 1,3,…..2. But you are always cute so you cannot go wrong.

    Feeling good today, successfully got through a family and work stressful week without cussing anyone out, my front yard garden is getting a lot of complements, and my lazy butt has been jogging with my dog on a regular basis. The keys to my success with big titty jogging: Underwire sports bra. Highly recommend.

  19. I used to wear heavy rimmed glasses in the nineties, you know, when it wasn’t in fashion?
    So after a few years rimlessly bespectacled, I figured that if this trend is here to stay after all, I’d never forgive myself if I wouldn’t splurge on a pair of the nerdiest nerd glasses to have ever nerded.
    Long story short: My new glasses totally changed my life.
    First of all: No more blind groping in the morning.
    Moreover, though, I’m suddenly considered hot (?!?) and am getting free stuff all the time.
    I was actually meeting up with a friend for coffee the other day and I told him how the lady at the farmer’s market gave me free oranges (I live in central gay town) and how this started with the new specs, and he was laughing and laughing,when suddenly the waitress popped up out of nowhere, shoving two sandwiches at me instead of one, because they had run out of the bread I wanted and the slices were smaller and well.
    They don’t scratch either.

  20. I vote 3 but also love 1. I am just not sure about the two-color thing- it looks rad, but I don’t know how it would look actually one someone. So if you think it works, then switch my vote to one. :p

    I need to make an appointment with an eye doctor but ugh phones.

    • What helps me sometimes is to write out everything I need to say on a piece of paper and then have that with me when I call. Also, making funny/ugly/hideous faces to yourself or in a mirror when you’re on a serious phone call takes some of the scariness out of it.

  21. I love #1 the most! Also, I HATE terrible sales people that are out of touch with the kind of money they’re asking people to drop for whatever they’re selling.

    I also had a bad eyeglasses salesperson experience a few years ago. I had been looking into new glasses and it was the first pair I was really putting thought into buying (and not just picking whatever frame my optometrist had in her office), and after months of research I was taking a trip to NY where the makers of my chosen glasses had their only storefront (this company was also known for their great above and beyond service). I get there and I see one guy helping out a woman, and he’s giving her really amazing feedback and being like “you know, maybe this pair would fit what you’re going for better, and let me grab these two other pairs also just to see.” Long story short the guy I got could not be bothered to help me at all and I had to keep asking for different things because they weren’t feeling right and he was just like “yeah, whatever.”

    So I go to buy the ones I eventually settled on and I asked what insurance they accepted and he got this very haughty look on his face and said “Oh, we only take THIS insurance.” To which I was like, “Great, that’s the insurance I have.” SUDDENLY this guy was all surprise, ready to help me because this S.O.B. clearly thought this young looking girl who came in alone was just wasting his time trying stuff on not about to buy anything.

    Anyway, FRIDAY! I tried on my A Camp dance outfit and honestly I’ve never felt so babely before in my life! Clothes and I have a strained relationship. Not only because a lot of manufacturers don’t make clothes to fit my slightly odd body shape, but also because I grew up with very practical parents who didn’t seem to believe in fashion as a means of self expression. I didn’t matter if your clothes looked GOOD as long as they functioned properly. Add to that being a queer who just wants to look cute but hasn’t always know the way to get there without spending lots of money, let’s just say shopping is usually an unpleasant experience BUT I feel very dreamy in my outfit.

    • I hope you have so much fun at A-Camp! You’re going to love it!

      I hate when salepeople assume I’m not worth their time even more than when they swarm me. I look about 10 years younger than I am and so does my partner, so we often get treated like poop at stores and have to actively find someone to help us. :/

  22. I love both 1 and 3!! I’m sure you’ll look amazing no matter what (and you already do)!

    This week has been really good. Last Sunday I volunteered for my friend who is a reiki practitioner at an alternative health festival (there were psychic healers, reiki, pet psychics, angelic realm speakers, etc). It was a long loong loooooooong day because I was out at a dance party the night before until very late. The fair was….interesting. I would summarize it as “white women selling beads”.

    I go to a restorative yoga class on monday nights to help with my back pain, and we did something that worked SO WELL and my back has been feeling amazing for the first time in years. We used a special ball called a spri ball to do stretches on, so I went home and bought one and have been doing the exercises every night and it’s great.

    I go to a women and queer bike mechanic class during the week too, and learned how to clean/fix the hubs on the bike this week, which was a messy but fun learning experience. I’m really excited about this class because I feel like I’ve never really had a skill or talent, but I am now learning a really valuable skill and I feel really proud of myself.

    I’m also trying a lot of new protocols/experiments at work. This is a big step for me because I have been known, on occasion, to put off doing experiments for very long periods of time because I am too afraid of trying something new and messing it up. I essentially have 2 months left at this job and so I’m forcing myself to just DO IT, and even though 1/2 of what I did didn’t work (#science), I’m proud of myself for just biting the bullet and pushing forward.

    love and light!

    (i’m trying to upload images for the first time, I hope it works!)

    If the image upload works, here are my rabbits saying hello! If it doesn’t, here is some html code saying hello!

  23. Shamelessly using my brother’s account to watch The Hanmaid’s Tale and Harlots. He tried to strangle me to death for backtalk this one time so I don’t give a fuck if his playlist or what suddenly has a bunch of girly shit on it. If he get bent outta shape about it my mom’ll take the heat, it’s the least she can do for trying to excuse what he did to me and the years after of living in the same house as him.
    Feeling the family dysfunction is what’s going on with me, Sunday is going to be sooo much fun.
    Also feeling trapped with no future, my brain is doing that thing where it trying to tell me the logical solution is to off myself.
    I really messed up with some anxiety driven decisions this past fall. Probably not going to graduate, might have to drop out. Also I blew a chance at getting work and a rep in the field I want to be employed in/been working on a degree for. Worse than blew it, I might now have a bad reputation.

    Just things were going so well before all this hives and angioedema mystery allergy trigger thing started up. My inner demons were well in hand, my academic stuff was going smoothly, I was finding footing with a personal style that didn’t make me feel like an imposter.

    I feel like I should be enraged about my life falling back to shit into an even deeper hole, but the rage just isn’t there and it’s kinda scaring me. Not that I want to be a being surviving on wrath again, just I’m afraid it means I’m giving up and I don’t want to.
    I’m tired and I feel like a waste of space, but fuck it my tacos are tasty and there’s this Levant place that makes their own flatbread and pastries in house. I wanna try everything on their menu that I can.
    There’s so much more to experience and taste in this world, I don’t want to leave it. But god I’m just so tired some days and don’t know how to make my long term life better. I’m good at short term pick me ups that get me over the hump, but there’s always like a collapse at some point.

    Oooh the sun, we’ve been very out of touch as I look like one of those scrubbed marble statutes. I say scrubbed because some academic asswipe decided color was a distraction from the purity of form, that original makers were totes wrong, and the rest of the western academic world followed suit scrubbing any bits of color right off the statutes they found(stole).

    http://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/true-colors-17888/

    Have a look.

    • Saying “it’s okay” or even “it’ll be okay” feels like it’d trivialise what you’re feeling, but I get the sense that you’re a strong person who’ll be able to bounce back from this once you get a better handle on things… so just hang in there and do what you need to do to get to a better place emotionally and mentally! Lots of self-care, and don’t forget self-love involves forgiving yourself for mistakes you — being human — have made. 🙂

      • I’m scared I’m loosing my rubber so to speak and I’m starting to or going to stick like glue is the thing. I’ve been hanging on since kindergarten, which is ridiculous and part of the fear I’m giving out.
        Forgiveness is hard when living in the fallout of mistakes made, but yeah punishing myself isn’t going to help anything.
        Thank you for you thoughts.
        I’m not good at this, I’m used to be the one bolstering people but really I mean it when I say thank you.

    • Hey Lex, I’m sorry this is happening and I’m thinking of you.

      I’m happy you’re here, and I hope you can hunker down and wait it out until you have the energy to envision a future.

      <3

    • You just blew my mind with that color on ancient statues thing. WHAT?

      Mostly, though, I just want to say that we care about you and I believe you have a lot to give to the world. I know you do, even if we’ve only communicated through a website. You’re a person with a lot of love to give. It’s ok to just focus on the short term right now. You don’t have to figure out the rest until you’re ready…or ever. Keep eating flatbread and pastries and tacos. And keep checking in. We’re here for you!

      • I know right? It’s one of my favourite things to share/bitch about.

        My childhood spent with NatGeo, Smithsonian mags and those super cool kids books with the layer illustration things about historical structures taught me Ancient Greeks, Romans and Pre-Colombian Meso-Americans FUCKING LOVED COLORING (why leave something plain when you can add colors, show off ya wealth) and that those colors are not what fancy modernish people would call tasteful.
        Ancient colors made with pigments, plants and pee were bright and tacky as fuck.

        But still seeing it recreated it is like getting smacked upside the head dayum.

        Putting off the emotional with chattiness or INTP lost in a beloved subject? Heh.

        Never been told something like that before, that I have love to give or much love at all. Been told I’m smart or creative etc. and I shouldn’t waste myself with what I’m doing or not doing based on the potential economic value of what those gifts could bring if “really applied” myself.
        Thank you for being here, I don’t know what else to say or how to say anything more.

        Oh it’s not just the flatbread (think it’s called markook), it’s the whole package of wrapping something as delicious as this house made bread around the deliciousness that is shawarma and some stuff I don’t know the name of but can name each flavour and taking a bit of all of it at once. It’s like feast that doesn’t require a nap but a nap happens anyway because going into such a state of bliss just sends you off to sleep with sweet dreams of dates and honey.

        I’m not just eating tacos, I’m making the meat and adding in congri (beans an’ rise dish).

        • I’m here to second Kaelynn’s observations. I read but tend to add a comment only when I think it’s important. I think that you’re important and from reading your contributions for sometime now I’ve also come to the conclusion that you are both lovable and loving.

          You’ll get your shit together eventually. There’s no need to do it all at once. The years that you’re putting in now are your searching and trying on time. It’s alright to get scared/angry and stuff up.

          Whatever has happened over the the past few months can be learned from and profited from. Only you seem to expect to get it right all at the same time. If you have done stuff to sabotage yourself remember it’s alright to be scared and we’ve all shot ouselves in the foot, probably more than once. Do whatever you need to do till you can see straight again then make some decisions. Not before. Hugs and light from an old bat an ocean away.

    • I don’t have much/good advice but I’ve been in a similar brain-space because of The Health and my brain going “ah yes no longer existing is the Only Solution” like…okay brain, that’s for that unhelpful suggestion.

      Keep on. Eat that flatbread. Eventually you’ll sort things out. And rage is ehhhhh. Not being mad at shitty circumstances doesn’t mean you’re giving up, I don’t think.

  24. I vote 3!! But also you look like you could pull anything off. I’m so glad you’ve discovered Asian fit glasses!

    Unrelatedly, someone suggested I move to Saudi Arabia / Dubai to work as an ESL teacher– does anyone living there or knows anyone living there care to give their two pence of advice? I’m ethnic Chinese, kinda femme, and quietly catholic.

  25. I love 3 best as well.

    I had a good start of week, bad middle of week (my T.O.M), now on normal end of week.

    I started week in new house & we kept going out to the park and out to eat which was fun. There’s a great sandwich bar halfway up my street 🙂 and I figured out how to get treated as an adult in pizza hut – go in first. And I bought a ton of mags & listened to the radio station from my hometown.

    Then I started to bleed for obvious reasons. I can’t exclusively be around cis men during that time. my stepdad has no idea how to talk to emotional/unwell ppl. And the closest he can do to sympathy is say ‘I’m a bloke so I don’t know what it’s like’. Then my stupid neighbour decided to leave light on all night so I didn’t sleep & started thinking about stuff from my past I’d really rather not have been thinking about.

    @queergirl was great though. (I think this is your username)

    Anyway long story short, I went home to my mum. Then it was back to normal for last couple of days. I told myself I went back to stop her missing me but tbh it was cos I need her when I’m unwell. I’m back to emotional par & TOM’s gone (phew).

    Tonight. Watched football with my dad which is great. I feel (weirdly strongly) like I’m reliving my youth as we’re on similar level as we were then. Very rare to be this good actually. win the next two games & we’ve won a/our own record (which came from that time when I was younger) in terms of points accumulated.

    Reading a book. I’ve come to conclusion I can’t stand cishet romantic relationships in what I read unless the dynamic plays around w gender norms somehow or they’re both interesting ppl/characters in their own right or something. I keep thinking ‘this isn’t my life, I wish someone like me was in this’.

    The bechdel test – does writing pass it if two non-men talk to each other or does it have to be two women/girls? I should really start writing in female pov (the one I find hardest) or in third person sometimes. First person makes it harder I think. (my narrator is nb, pretty much the exact same gender as me as I related so strongly w them in canon). Also I hate my narrator lol. They’re really arrogant about how nobody else can solve crimes. But nb and female characters deserve to not be perfect too. They’re even a good person just, an annoying one.

    • Thanks for your vote. What a week!

      I think the Bechdel test is a bit of a relic of its time, so it didn’t take nb people into consideration. I don’t know that there are even enough nb characters in the world to generate sexist stereotypes about how they’re written and portrayed, so just writing them passes some test! Good luck with the writing!

      • I’ve decided on how to deal with it (for now, I’m allowed to change at any time).

        I’m not going to let it get to me just because it ‘should’ get to me. He isn’t my type anyway anymore so it’s not like I’m going back to him just because I liked certain aspects of the relationship. Probably just going to let the positives rather than the negatives be what I demand out of a relationship (honestly one with a guy, my relationships with women are fine without analysing as this relationship didn’t seem to influence them).

        If I let it get to me just because it ‘should’ get to me then that’s going to be an issue I can’t handle. So much other stuff was going on with me back then, stuff that actually hurt me at the time & keeps on doing today. Stuff that’s likely to repeat. I can’t deal with being upset over both, energy levels wise.

        If someone else had the exact same experience as I did and felt angry or upset over a different thing then I’d support them, of course. But I’m not going to force my own emotions one way or another.

        Anyway I needed to be listened to :)So thanks for sounding me out in a way that didn’t make it worse 🙂

  26. I vote for #3, though #1 is pretty awesome too. I think you’ll look super cute in any of them- I hope you’ll post a picture of you wearing the winning look! My week has been very, very busy. The highlight was this morning, when I attended a fantastic conference on diversity and inclusion. Plus, while I was there my boss asked me to take on a new leadership position, which was very cool. I feel like I’m really hitting my stride at work, where I’m loving my job and gaining more professional responsibility. Plus, I came out to my parents, which turned out fairly well. All in all, a pretty good week. Now I just have to get through finals…

  27. Favorite and least favorite things, or things you wish you’d known, about living alone? I’m thinking about accepting tenancy on a one person studio flat after months of fruitless hunting (ie. rejections) for a flatshare.

    • Hi! I’m so happy to answer this question because I LOVE living alone, and have done so for about 4 years now, and everyone thinks I’m a weirdo! My favorite things about living alone are everything is always cleaned and organized to my particular specifications, but if I’m feeling lazy and don’t want to clean up the kitchen or leave my clothes on the bathroom floor, there’s no one to yell at me! You can also spend your days or evenings in sweats eating takeout and candy and drinking wine and watching The L Word on Netflix without judgment. When you want to work, it’s always quiet. You can masturbate whenever and wherever you want. The whole house is yours to decorate! You don’t have to share a fridge!

      Living alone is awesome. I used to miss the instant socializing that was built in with having a roommate, but at this point in my life I don’t even miss that! I enjoyed being alone before living alone though, and am very much an introvert, so if you’re an extrovert or need to be around people a lot it may not be for you, obviously.

      • I think I’ll live alone one day, I’ve got one question. How do you cope when you’re ill?
        (I wonder if this is a similar challenge for people who have flatmates, I still live at home and when I’m poorly my mum looks after me like she always has done)

        • Depends on what kind of illness really. If it’s something like the ‘flu then you can put yourself to bed with all the necessary hydrating and ache reducing things that you need and then do your best to sleep it off. If it’s something more difficult then be guided by your body. Try to do what your body is asking you to do, take something for pain if needed, keep yourself watered and fed as well as you can and if you need to see your doctor, find the best way to get there or call yourself an ambulance and go to hospital if you really need to. Often a call to your family or friend or your doctors office can be enough to guide your decision. You can also look up first aid if you think that that’s what would help.
          Hope that helps a bit.

        • Hahaha, I remember when I went off to college and the first time I was sick by myself in my dorm room. I was miserable! But I’ve gotten used to taking care of myself, and it’s a good skill to have. I actually like to be alone when I’m sick now because now I can just be a big whiny ball of misery without making the other people around me sick and miserable as well! I just lay in my bed and drink water or Gatorade and nap and take ibuprofen and order delivery soup, etc. You’ll survive! 🙂

      • Thanks! Loneliness is one of my main concerns – I’m an introvert who likes being around people but not necessarily doing things with them (in both my one flat on an internship and my family we’ve tended to all sit around on our laptops in the lounge), but maybe it’s just what I’m used to?

        I don’t get to decorate too much though: The lease says no putty, pins, tape, or nails in the walls.

        • Yeah, I feel ya! Whenever I get that “I wanna be around people but not, like, WITH people” vibe which definitely happens I generally just grab my laptop and a book and head to a coffee shop or library. I also live in a small town so when I go to those places, chances are I’ll see someone I know and have a chat but it’s not like high-pressure socializing. So I guess I would take into consideration how available and accessible opportunities like that are to you, as well.

    • :whispers: I’ve never lived alone. :whispers:

      Honestly, though, it sounds kind of amazing! I have been in a relationship where we work opposing schedules for about 7 years, though, so I have a lot of alone time even though we live together. I love my alone time! You are free to do or not do whatever you want! You don’t have to consider other people in your dinner or TV choices! You can sit around all day in your pajamas or underwear or birthday suit!

      I’d suggest scheduling some personal time with friends out of the house, though. It always reenergizes me to spend time with friends, even if it feels stressful sometimes making those plans work. And it stops me from getting too lost in my own world.

  28. Hi Kaelynn. For your lovely heart shaped face I recommend number 3, the gentle “cats eye” shape would be the most flattering fit for your face. Also “Cats”.

    Nothing much to report at my end of the universe this week. All’s mostly well at Chez Raynor. Neither of us are moving very freely but that’s as things are these days, Arthritis can be a real bugger sometimes. But the weather is lovely, cool late Autumn days and chilly nights. It’s like a balm for the soul after the hottest summer on record. I love this time of year and am looking forward to the next few months of winter and then spring before we have to face the horrors of summer again.

    With any luck we’ll be ready to sell up and move in a few weeks too but time has a way of moving too fast for our creaking bodies to keep up sometimes lately. Still it’ll happen in good time.

    Have a good weekend everyone enjoy as much as you’re able and best wishes for the coming week.

    • Thanks! I’ve always loved cat-eye frames. These are a little on the bigger side, which is my only hesitation. I think I’m stuck between 1 and 3. Maybe I should get both!

      Autumn is my favorite season. It’s spring leading into summer where I am, but I absolutely relate to loving the crisp, lovely fall weather. Hope you’re resting and enjoying as you can! Have a great weekend and good luck with everything!

      • Me again, I understand what you mean about the slightly larger frames,those that you’ve included look very like the pair that I bought last time I was specs shopping. The optometrist took one look and was about to suggest another pair ( I could see it in his expression) when I put them on and his expression changed and he gave out an involuntary little gasp of approval. So, if they’re not too expensive, maybe get both? I think you’ll be happy with the result. I’m needing to renew mine now too, it been over two years, but I’m so pleased with the style that I’ll look for a similar shape but this time I fancy a brighter colour over the tortoiseshell that I’ve got now. Anyway have fun with your choices.

    • Maybe? I mean, I think there’s a big difference between, like, “I’m having Portuguese food at my party because it’s yummy!!!” and, like, an over-the-top themed “WELCOME TO PORTUGAL” party full of stereotypes?

      But I don’t even know what Portuguese stereotypes are? Also, I dunno. It seems like you should just eat whatever you want at your party.

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