FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: Get Outta My Lettuce Business, Mansplainer

feature image via Shutterstock

Hello, decorative edge pinking shears! Welcome to Friday Open Thread, a peaceful community vegetable garden where everyone takes turns weeding and you never grow too many squash or a dedicated place for us to hang and share and love on each other every week.

I’m growing lettuce plants for our house rabbit. Our poor bun, Gandalf, lost his bunny friend and bonded roommate two years ago. The guinea pigs that shared a room with him (in their own separate enclosure, of course) have also passed and the poor guy is a bit lonely. He seems content, but not as lively as he used to be. His favorite green is plain ol’ romaine lettuce, so I bought some romaine starter plants and potted them for him.

No sooner had I bent over to spread potting mix around the plants than a random white guy passed by and felt the need to insert himself into my life.

my lettuce pot brings all the (straight cis white) boys to the yard

“Ooh, making a lettuce bowl?” he mused.

“Yup,” I replied politely, without looking up or otherwise acknowledging his existence.

“Yum! Make sure you harvest the outside leaves first,” he advised, “and rotate it so it gets even sun.”

And then I punched him in the face.

But actually, I said, “Oh, thanks!” and gave side-eye to his backside as he walked away. I don’t think he was hitting on me. I think he genuinely felt his unsolicited advice/interaction was helpful. I guess he just walks around neighborhoods giving advice to random women. He wasn’t even walking a dog.

I don’t understand men. I really don’t. I just want to plant my damn lettuce in peace, you know? And the thing is, even though he wasn’t hitting on me (I don’t think), men rarely get in my business like that or expect access to me in any way if I’m with Waffle. Waffle was, unfortunately, dealing with the baby inside the house when this particular and not-all-that-memorable toolbag passed by.

Anyway, it was not that big of a deal, but I just harvested some lettuce (from the outside) for the rabbit and I remembered how I annoyed I was all over again as I rotated the pot.

In other news, the baby is standing on her own like a champ and we’re terrified. I accepted a promotion at work that requires more travel, but also allows more flexibility. Woo! The weather is finally warm where I am and I’m totally into it and I’m wearing lots of maxi dresses. Waterproof eyeliner is my favorite. The baby ate hot dogs for the first time and thought they were pretty yummy. I had a visit this past weekend from former staff writer and former A-Camp bunkmate, Maddie and got to meet her partner! Overall, it was a week full of blessings and actually pretty minimal mansplaining!

Photo from Maddie, giggles from Remi

What’s your week been like? What are you up to this coming week? Did you hate-binge Orange is the New Black? Are you making your own sun tea? Did you know all sizes of soft drinks and sweet tea are only $1 at McDonald’s right now? Are you getting enough sleep? Are you tending a plant? Or a pet? Or a human?

Have you read all the think pieces on the Handmaid’s Tale that could possibly exist until your brain shuts down? Have you considered growing a lettuce bowl? I want to hear about everything that’s going on in your life. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

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KaeLyn is a 40-year-old hard femme bisexual dino mom. You can typically find her binge-watching TV, standing somewhere with a mic or a sign in her hand, over-caffeinating herself, or just generally doing too many things at once. She lives in Upstate NY with her spouse, a baby T. rex, a scaredy cat, an elderly betta fish, and two rascally rabbits. You can buy her debut book, Girls Resist! A Guide to Activism, Leadership, and Starting a Revolution if you want to, if you feel like it, if that's a thing that interests you or whatever.

KaeLyn has written 230 articles for us.


  1. I still can’t believe I am out to myself and IT FEELS SO GOOD. This is my last day in Arizona and I must say I truely lurved it lol. I grow a crap ton of stuff in my room because I aspire to be like . I hope to work with land decolonization one day, but I don’t know what that entails at the moment.
    You’re baby is SO cute. BABIES.
    Sun tea? Omg I’ve never heard of that before!
    I temporarily disabled my instagram account and I feel SO GOOD. I feel like I can finally focus on me without fear of what others think. I found a two hour meditation circle and I am trying to be the real weird queer pschic nerd I’ve always wanted to flourish into!
    Anybody else like strange and unusual psychic things?

    • Me, I like strange and unusual psychic things. Although I do not know much about said things.

      • I feel super good. Like I don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Plus it’s not like I can be myself 100%. I would love to post about crystals and crystal sex toys, lol, but family would judge.

    • So many good things, @midnightkissed! I love strange and unusual psychic things, though I am no expert on said things. Please tell me more about crystal dildos, tho!

      • Chakrubs are the original crystal dildo creator, although I bought a lapis lazuli pleasure wand from unicult supply because chakrubs are out of my budget and I don’t want to buy something that is 160$ and then hate it. And I can’t keep it out in my room for fun/meditation purposes because my Mom is morally against sex toys. Crystal dildos are supposed to be healing for your vagina and actual crystals have actually helped me. You might want to check out yoni eggs as well.
        Yoni eggs are kind of like p*ssy decolonizers (in my opinion) I know they are different for everybody and not everyone believes in the power of crystals, but I love them. If you end up using crystal dildos and yoni eggs PLEASE write an article on it. There is not enough queer representation in the spiritual community when it comes to crystals, yoni eggs, tarot, et cetera. That’s the run down, although there is SO MUCH MORE TO SAY about crystals and sex/pleasure.

        Youtube China Brookes Yoni Egg
        She was the original to start posting about the experience and she is a woc.

  2. Cramps, PMS, other period symptoms. I hate my period! I’m on birth control to make my periods lighter and less painful, but they’re still super annoying. I’d love to be one of those people who doesn’t mind their period, but I can’t get behind the discomfort. Sorry to complain, but I’m feeling it right now.

    My dog is having an expensive but necessary dental procedure on Tuesday. Her preliminary blood work came back normal, thank G-d, so she’s cleared for Tuesday. If you have some extra good vibes or prayers, please send them our way. Her name is Bernie. Thank you! <3

    my bubelah <3

    • Aw poor thing. I hate dentist and I’m human. I hope it works out ok for her & she’s brave

    • Thinking good thoughts for the sweet doggo!

      I’m sure you’ll get lots of suggestions here, but my cramps significantly decreased when I switched from tampons to a menstrual cup.

      • My cramps decreased when I switched to clothe pads. I think it is because pads and tampons are made from synthetic bleached material, while reusable period products (like sea sponges, menstrual cups, et cetera) are usually not bleached and for some reason are overall healthier.

  3. Hellooooooo Straddlers!!

    Oh my gosh Remi is absolutely gorgeous!! And getting super big!! Sorry you got mansplained to though, eugh!!

    Soooo I had THE BEST weekend last weekend. I went camping (in cabins though, no tents for me like everrr) with my LGBT women’s batucada and OMG IT WAS THE BEST!!! 70 women in the country, of which only 4 or 5 were not LGBT, so 100% free of misogyny and heteronormativity! The only man there was the manager of the campsite and we saw him only at meal times and when we wanted to buy beer because he had the key to the fridge. So the only real purpose any man served in 2.5 days of my life was give me food and alcohol. The women are just super accepting and it was a whole weekend of being silly, drumming workshops, dancing workshops, topless/naked swimming, with no body shaming or anything like that, nobody gave a shit what you wore or how your hair was or what music you liked or your body type or body hair……ARRGG IT WAS SO GOOD!!!! It felt way longer than 2 days….then I arrived back in the real world and there were men invading my space and judgey people and heteronormativity EUGH.

    Also…I had to give a salsa class at the camp and I was super nervous about it coz it was my first class in Spanish but it went reeaaaally well and made me very happy!

    This weekend I have a shibari meetup, and my group is hosting a feminist picnic. But OHMYGOSH it’s SO HOT we’re in the middle of a heat wave (38-41 Celsius during the day) and a guy fainted on the metro in front of me today =/

    I hope you all have a great weekend and please all drink sufficient water especially if it-s hot where you are!!!!!! <3

    • That sounds like a life-affirming camp experience, @vickys1! That post-camp real-life readjustment to life with cis straight men is HARD. Be kind to yourself!

  4. Two one year olds kept kissing at my work and it was PRECIOUS and then my coworker who sucks ruined it with “Z you should not kiss other boys! It isn’t right”

    Like ok so fuck you too Ilona

    Also I was late to work two days in a row / missed two more days fully just because of cramps! Cramps so bad that I kept puking! What the fuck!

    I think my body is reacting to this job by violently rejecting the entire concept of procreation but I’ll need to see a doctor to Know For Sure

    • Taking high doses of magnesium supplements a week in advance (400mg) helps me with the cramps.
      P.S.:I almost puked into an exhibition sink at IKEA while shopping there with friends once.
      After walking through the bed department whoozy and near fainting.
      I was really feeling the IKEA experience, let me tell you, until my friend’s friend carefully asked whether I was pregnant.

        • Also, that was a heavily shitty thing for your coworker to say. Why inflict judgments on kids for kissing, why. What a world.

    • They’re toddlers ffs. Nothing wrong with lads or men kissing but pretty sure at that age they just think of each other as extra brothers…


  5. I don’t think I would call it hate binging the new season of OITNB, more like angry watching to find out how it ends. I am also angry watching new season of Flaked(about a recovering alcoholic), which stars Amy Poehler’s ex husband. Acting is good if you seen his work on Arrested Development, but I feel it the show only really makes sense if you are familiar with Venice/Mar Vista or even West LA. How is this show still on(I give it a C+), yet Sense8 isn’t(yes I get the nuance of the Sony Netflix relationship and cost of the show, but still). Ugh Netflix.

    My week has been long. I am really staring to get worn down by dating sites and by many cis lgbq people. For ex; last Sunday I had chat with a cis lbq woman who was fucking policing my ID. She asked why I can’t be, heteroflexible, and gnc to change the mens community. I told her that’s not how I’d, but I never got a reply back. My profile says agender and seeking for women women(and nb/gq/agender folks but OKC only lets you say into men and/or women, but that;s it)? It really just ruined half my week, because it wasn’t from a cis-het, but from a cis queer. Like I get if a cis-het said it, but when it’s from our own community it’s frustrating and hurtful, even more so to your youth, and poc who looking for acceptance when just coming out.

    Rest of my week has been to quiet; but, I did get my regular bank teller ask me what my AS They/Them pin stood for. I told them the pronouns I use, and tell said, your pronouns, okay, do you like it. I was like yeah, and the tell went it’s a cool pin and mentioned some museum that neat had pins. If I can make it Saturday Ithe LA trans choir is singing at the LGBTQ center, and my friend is in the choir, which just sounds awesome. On Sunday morning I may go to the annual classic car show on down the street from my house, or go to the beach for an hour cause its going to be close to 90 in my neighborhood and 80 at the beach. So yeah tough choice.

    I spend my Sunday on top of a sand dune taking a much needed relaxing session and enjoying the view and the weather.
    My view

    More of my view

    Yucca in bloom

    Thank you for reading and viewing my post. Have a positive weekend!

    • Your photos are beautiful. It looks like such a serene place to relax (especially after hurtful okcupid experiences).

      • Yes it was well needs, though to be fair going up a sand dune isn’t easiest, though a good exercise. It’s like going two steps forward to go down like one step. Plus, one has to be careful or you could get sand stuck into your phone or camera.

        • Posted before I could finish. It was well worth it, cause I got to relax at the top with said view. Plus, I’d like to think being outdoors with make up on visibly may help someone? I dunno

    • Wow, I’m sorry that woman felt it was okay to try to explain YOUR gender identity to you. That’s gross and patronizing, and I can understand why you would feel tired of dealing with online dating if you are regularly having that sort of interaction.

      • Thank you! From pushy cis gay men to in person ghosting to identity police can make a queer tired.

    • Al as always your pictures are perfect. Especially that last one. I want to go to there!

      • Drive down the coast south to SoCal & you can. Plus, hangout with some cool queer in nature or at a queer coffeeshop!

    • Sorry people are awful, @needlesandpin! It hurt even more when it comes from a queer person who SHOULD FUCKING KNOW BETTER.

      Your pics are always beautiful and I hope you make it to the LA Trans Choir concert because that sounds awesome!

    • As a trans woman who’s looking to dip her toe into the queer online dating scene for the first time: how often does this happen? Like, you’ve been talking about it in a couple of Friday Open Thread posts, and I’m wondering how much transphobic bullshit should I steel myself for dealing with.

      • I am not sure how often it happens, but I am also not on E, or T blocker and ID as agender/non-binary.

  6. Oh Kaelyn,
    how timely!
    I’ve literally just spent fifty minutes on the treadmill (I’m not really such a runner) trying to work off my huge mansplaining frustration!
    But let’s begin at the beginning:
    The dating resolution I came up with last week( thanks girls for your support! I actually came back and read those comments again) really did not go well. In short: I had two almost dates that fell through when it was time to agree on a place or time, one of them literally two hours beforehand.
    No responses to at least ten messages.
    I was charming and funny in the back and forth, I checked, actually, but oh well, Berlin, I guess.
    However, along with the bad weather and tiredness, I was beginning to really feel down, so that I literally was like “Something good really needs to happen.”
    So, there is, apparently, a God, because today I was walking down a hallway and met a former patient of mine.
    One I was treating for pancreatic cancer last year.
    Now, the thing is this: I don’t usually work in Oncology and the issue with Oncology is, that there are few patients you get to know as well as your Oncologic ones,because they return for each chemo cycle and you treat them for the complications and discuss life and death, like literally.
    Now, this is one of the patients I really liked and grew to know well.
    I was really bracing myself for the time I’d accompany her through the final steps of her path.
    However, today, she told me that she was still tumorfree.
    After months.
    And then she hugged me.
    I was so touched I had trouble not crying all over the next patient I was seeing.
    (This is a one in a thousand, maybe, miracle situation.)
    So, when my male best friend called me to tell me about some patient of his (“I did this painful procedure and she wouldn’t stop crying I don’t know why I get these patients all the time”), I told him.
    First he said,”That’s not possible and it’s not “healed” it’s “recession”.(He’s not an oncologist in any manner and actually less years on the job than me).
    Then he started literally lecturing me on not getting too close to patients.
    Then he said,”I would never let a patient touch me.”
    What a major asshole.
    He’s my closest friend and this is not the first time that I’ve thought about “breaking up” with him.
    We’ve had issues about him talking down to me before.
    I’m really sick of this male entitlement shit.
    So, well, I’m at the gym, trying not to let a really good thing be male ruined for me.
    He’s a gay guy, but that’s not helping, I guess.
    Well, anyway, off to hit the weights –>Wonder Woman Motivation ftw.

    • i broke up with my gay male best friend and it was the best thing that ever happened to me i say do it <3

    • Such a lovely encounter with that lady!
      I feel its totally OK that you let her hug you, and perfectly normal and human and healthy that the encounter gave you feelings! I feel like the reaction of the friend says so much more about himself than about anything in your situation, it seems to stem more from his own need to fence himself off. (same with the terminology thing) Its sad that he couldn’t see you then.

      yeay lettuce! I’m growing some on my windowsill this year, too, and harvest regularly :)
      For the man passing by, ummm, I feel like I could be such a person, too… I might sometimes engage in such a tiny conversation, when I feel like its nice to share some words over a shared topic, and then everybody continues with their life. I hope people don’t feel like I press on them!

      • Well, I reflected my lettuce-chat-attitude some more: If I’d engage in a conversation, I’d never ever give unsolicitated advice, and I like to think that I get it if someone wants to be on their own.
        So I guess in that matter I am more type “friendly, talkative lady” :)

    • Gay male entitlement is very real, @amidola. I’m sorry he shit on your beautiful, affirming experience with a patient survivor! I hope you know that the ways you help people heal are very real and I’m always glad when a medical provider truly cares and takes the time to get to know me.


  7. It’s been a pretty great week! I’ve seen Wonder Woman twice now! Wrote a pretty awesome essay on The Muppet Show’s use of feminist comedy and nonsense to queer norms and resist authority, and such. Last night I went to my college’s lav grad ceremony (for honoring graduating queer students)!!! It is such a great event every year, its so wonderful to hear people say wonderfully things about the students graduating! And this year to hear sweet stuff about a lot of my friends and people I’ve known around school was great! Not to mention my friend saying the SWEETEST most lovely things about me <3 I don't really like ceremony type stuff at all, but this was special and so nice! Plus now I have an awesome rainbow cord for the normal boring graduation that I'm only really doing for my family. Not particularly looking forward to a weekend of humoring my family's ideas of "celebrating me" which are very much focused on them and their wishes and what they think being supportive of me looks like. BUT at least my very best friend is also visiting and can help me get through it.

    • WAIT, can I read this essay?! My love of the Muppets is undying and frankly maybe a little inappropriate for a grown ass woman, but I don’t care!

      • HAha sure! Not at all inappropriate! The Muppets really are for everyone, as I mention in the essay Henson meant for the The Muppet Show to be targeted at adults and be interesting to kids but they weren’t the intended audience. It’s frustrating when it gets labeled as a kid’s show because of the use of puppetry, like Henson was explicitly trying to show that puppets can be for adults too! The pilot is titled Sex and Violence! Anyway, sorry lots! of feelings! about The Muppets! hence the decision to use them as my final essay topic for my very last undergrad final haha!
        Google Doc link:

        • If you read it, let me know what you think! I hope it’s as fun to read as it was to write!

        • Muppets are for adults (families sometimes), sesame street is for kids. Both are great.

          • EXACTLY!!! As a huge Muppet nerd/fan I’ve always known this, but my research really really really showed just how subversive and adult focused SO much of the humor is! <3 SO Good! Such a great thing that exists in our world and I am incredibly thankful for it often!

        • Thank you for sharing this with us, Jay! I was also going to ask to read it as I am a Muppet obsessive and ask everyone I meet to identify themselves via the chaos/order muppet theory.

    • I have been waiting to talk to someone other than my friends and family about this for such a long time and your comment gives me the perfect opportunity…
      Back in ~2011 some friends of mine invited me to see the newest Muppet Movie, in the movie there are “bad” “fake muppets” who are all voiced by POC and their ring leader is a drag queen. I was SO PISSED and when I realized no one else in the theater was reacting I almost stood up and yelled, “Am I the only one who is seeing how horrible this is?!?!” Why has this never been brought to the table? I understand that the in ten million things that have happened in film/tv it is hard to keep track of what I would call ignorance, but this was 2011…and the muppets.
      Whew…had to get that off of my chest.

      • Yeah! The Moopet storyline was really upsetting! I do kinda really like that movie only because, as a trans nonbinary high school student at the time it came out, I totally interpreted the Walter discovering his muppetness storyline as a trans coming out allegory. But it also is more targeted at children than most Muppet productions; since Muppets are original targeted at adults and their humor and feminist nature is a reflection of that.

  8. Hi KaeLyn! Your kid is adorable!

    What’s going on in my life right this second is that I’m on a patio drinking iced coffee and chilling and studying for my upcoming english test. Said english test is required for my permanent resident (PR) application (for Canada) which I’m hoping to get this year. It’s super boring to study to, and there’s a lot of racist/homophobic/sexist content in the study material which is not great. I spend half my energy while studying trying not to go off about it. Regardless of that, it’s very nice, and extremely warm outside, so I’m enjoying myself.

    This week has been not great. I’ve been feeling a lot of hopelessness, with a lot of the focus of that on my job. I’ve been working on the same project for my job for almost 2 years, which is not an unusual thing for my career. What is unfortunate is the fact that it is a project that’s not going to get me anywhere technically. I’ve learned a lot on how to be a team player and handle our almost weekly disasters, but I don’t feel like I’m that much better of a web developer now than I was when I started. Humble bragging here, I’m pretty smart and good at my job, and I could be great in the right environment. Like, work for any of the big tech companies smart. But I also know that because I’ve not been growing my skill for the past couple of years, I’m not in a position where I would even be hired by any of the big ones. Being in tech, it’s specially frustrating because I don’t know if the reason they underestimate me so much is because of being a women, or just because they don’t have their shit together (which is definitely a possibility in this specific case.) The obvious advice would be for me to start looking for a new job, but my work permit is linked to my job, and I don’t want a job hunt to affect my chances with my ongoing PR process. So I’ve been feeling like this for a while now, and have to brave through it for another year or so… and hope I can study up for my job search whenever that happens.

    On the good side, Toronto is really beautiful right now, I wish I could work by Lake Ontario all the time.

    Hope everyone has a good and safe weekend!

    • Good luck with your test, @ptchorba! I hope it makes it worth it! While I understand you can’t easily change jobs until you become a permanent resident, I wouldn’t sell yourself short on your current ability to break into your dream job. As they say…

  9. This week I almost ran into this girl I was crazy about who went on 3 dates with me and then said she just wanted to be friends. She was hanging on the arm of a new person and didn’t see me and I promptly ran away in the opposite direction. Then I immediately had to make a big circle around her to get to the place where I was going so I could watch my friend’s girlfriend propose to her.
    And then one of my best friends, whose boyfriend just broke up with him, messaged me to say “hey like 5 guys have all asked me out in the 30 seconds since I’ve been single I feel great about myself” and I was like “yay for you.”
    Did I mention I’ve been single for approximately forever?

    I find that PRIDE is really hard as a person who is single. Everything is about love love love and displaying your love and showing your love and it’s intensely difficult not to feel like everyone in the entire world is in a relationship of some kind and happy and getting laid and being seen except me. And it’s also really hard not to feel like I’m not a complete person. More than that it’s hard not to feel like I’m not a complete queer because if a queer doesn’t have anyone to be queer with are they actually queer?
    I know the answer to that question is yes, but fuck it doesn’t feel that way sometimes.

    • Amen.
      You’ve summed it up, perfectly.
      I’m gay because when Antiope rode onto the 3D screen I was sitting too close to I had palpitations.
      I’m gay because I own more tank tops than any straight person I know.
      I’m gay because of my love for a woman with a nice voice and a guitar and my encyclopedic knowledge of lesbian films.
      I’m gay for a lot of reasons, and I don’t need a woman to be whoever I am, and that includes my sexual orientation.
      And I’m writing this down, because I’ve actually thought about it, and that’s what I came up with.
      My only regret is my allergy to pet hair.
      I will never be the crazy cat lady we all aspire to be.

    • I SEE YOU.

      I can totally see why Pride could be a bummer as a single person. I assure you, though, you’re a complete person. Or, rather, you may be slightly incomplete, as we all are, but another human isn’t going to complete you. You’re just be slightly incomplete together and hope that your emotional nooks and crannies work well together.

      Big pride hugs!

  10. I wish I liked lettuce, it would make eating healthy so much easier. I’m sorry about your other pets, I hope your bunny doesn’t feel too lonely. Also your child is quite possibly the cutest baby I’ve ever seen omg

    2017 was basically saved for me by that little L Word reunion yesterday(but mainly by just that photo of Carmen and Shane holding hands). Its also been a good week for music–Lorde’s new album rules and one of my favorite bands, Pvris, put out a new song this week and I’ve had it on repeat for 3 days, its so good. Their singer is a lesbian and v cute but I’m not biased or anything. As far as the weekend goes, I’m planning on spending all of it in the pool because it is already way too hot outside to do anything else. But don’t worry, I hear climate change isn’t real *rolls eyes*

    • I am excited about the Lorde album too and have been listening to the earlier tracks on repeat. Finally got the whole thing and it’s wonderful

      • Cannot listen to Perfect Places without melting…this could be the song or effect of a current crush, can’t be sure

        • Perfect Places, Sober II, and Writer in the Dark are my early faves. I think she’s one of the best songwriters of our generation, her lyrics are always so beautiful

  11. I ordered a custom made button up yesterday and I feel like a grown up. Like, with measurements and shit. Which by the way was a real pain in the ass because they were all like “find a shirt that fits you and measure this thing on it” or whatever and I was like THE WHOLE POINT OF SPENDING THIS MUCH MONEY IS BECAUSE NO SHIRT FITS ME RIGHT.

    So then I had to use like 5 different shirts because one shirt fit me in the chest so I measured that, and one would fit around the collar, and one had a proper fitting yolk (I learned what a yolk is!) and this one has the right waist and ON AND ON FOREVER.

    Anyway after all that I put the order in and then read a review that said “oh btw they’re good with handling orders from queer women, just let them know with your order that you’re narrower in the waist and broader in the hips so they can fit it with that in mind!” and I of course did NOT think to do that so I have to wait a month and see what happens -____-

    Also I bough tickets to see Tegan and Sara’s 10th anniversary acoustic tour of The Con and I am VERY PUMPED RN.

    • I hate that. That’s every set of bra measurement instructions ever. Put on a bra that fits, measure it, put the measurements into this calculator, and voilà, we’ll tell you what you could’ve learnt from READING THE LABEL ON YOUR BRA THAT FITS THAT YOU ALREADY OWN.

      • Ugh right?

        Like I don’t even wear real bras anymore but I was taking measurements for reference post top surgery to tell people my size before and since the most common thing that people know is bra size to figure out what bra size i have. I have approximately 15 “correct” bra sizes depending on the company and how they do measurements and define band size. Like. I knew things were terrible in women’s sizing bc like I still buy shirts, skirts, and dresses from the women’s section, but holy hell balls I didn’t think things were THAT BAD and I feel sorry for anyone that has to put up with that for the majority of their lifetime (esp larger chested folks bc yeah bras ain’t optional there they are necessary to prevent pain).

      • It’s like that for every tutorial about adjusting shirts to fit you and instead of like “here are sewing techniques to make it fit!” it’s always like “get a shirt that already fits and trace it on the big one!” and I just want to look into the camera like I’m on The Office.

  12. What a lovely photo of Remi. Such a great smile and so much hair!! My baby has decided that 4am is the right time to get up for the last few weeks. I disagree, but she’s a lot louder than me so…
    Hopefully Remi has a more reasonable approach to when the day starts.
    I’ve had terrible cramps and I’m pretty sure I fucked up a promotion interview today. But my nice colleague bought me a donut so it’s not all bad. And now it’s the weekend so at least my shitty week is over.

    • I’m right there with you at 4am, @rose_! She sleeps a little later, but that’s usually her first wake up. Oh well! They’ll grow out of it eventually, right? I’ve been told?

      I hope your weekend was rad and you feel refreshed for Monday!

  13. I applaud your lettuce bowl endeavor! I, for one, am hapless with plants as the kitties destroy all of them (except the devil’s ivy.. which makes me think of my kitties as familiars and I am fine with that). It’s my birthday tomorrow!! My co-workers decorated my cubicle, and even went out of their way to get new decorations that aren’t pastel pink and purple. It looks a little hallowe’en-like, but it’s bright and not overly feminine which is pleasant! The gf and I are seeing a Cirque du Soleil show tonight AND I AM SO EXCITED! I saw Love in Vegas, and apparently looked like a wide-eyed child the entire time, and I’ve heard this show is better so I may just be in constant awe all night again. Also trying not to stress about a my sport’s director’s meeting this weekend, but as usual am incredibly stressed and have 4 pages of “concerns”. I would try to care less, but if I don’t care about all the things who will?!?

    • That’s awesome about Cirque! Which show are you seeing? I’m going to Montreal to see Volta next weekend, and I’m so. friggin. excited. I’ve been a big fan forever – something about the dreamlike feel and the way the visuals combine with the music always leave me in awe.

    • Your coworkers sound like awesome people! I hope the cirque show exceeded your wildest dreams!

      And don’t be too impressed with my gardening skills, @ruby19. I bought those plants pre-happy-and-grown. We’ll see how they fare…….

  14. Such scrumptious leaves. I wish I were a rabbit. Sometimes.

    I’m getting a second bachelor’s degree (this one in conservation biology; the first was in film studies) and I’m, this summer, taking my English requirement online. I thought I’d get it accomplished now so I can fully concentrate on biology/chemistry/zoology once the fall semester starts. It’s a condensed course, only eight weeks. We’re to submit our essays online, which are shared with the entire class, and then provide peer reviews for at least two of our classmates. I’ve been assigned to review what turned out to be a pro-Trump essay that oddly posits a thesis along the lines of: dogs are superior to cats, therefore Trump people are dog people, cats are from hell and clearly aligned with the “special snowflake liberals”. I suspect this was an attempt at humor.

    I do not know how to respond to this.

        • We have three cats and a dog but our dog isn’t normal as she was a stray for the majority of her puppyhood which means she doesn’t trust humans 100% and is a rebel in harmless ways like not doing all the exercises at dog school without question the way other dogs do. No respect for the unquestioned authority of humans.
          I always thought ppl with normal dogs liked something they could be a master to. Someone who’ll follow instruction. Not bright enough to ask questions (although they always frame it as ‘bright enough to do tricks’). In their personal lives, ppl like that I’ve known esp cis het men have liked partners who, while not doing tricks, are pretty compliant & same w others they surround themselves w. My ex never trusted my cat.
          Not a stretch from that to the argument they’re making. There’s a reason it sounds silly to talk of a cat’s owner/master. Trump fans are great at doing tricks for trump & they’re the scary sort of dog whose ‘trick’ is hunting down ppl Trump dislikes. A bit like hunting/attack dogs do.
          Not all dog owners are this way. We have a dog. But I never trust ppl, esp cis men, who dislike cats cos they’re too independent & not doe-eyed and fawning. It might be just an animal but it’s not the sort of relationship you should want w a fellow creature close enough that they’re called ‘family’ by some, often these same ppl want same unquestioning fawning from humans in their lives.
          Not sure how you should reply to essay but hopefully seeing the same point from a liberal cat lover will help get you through it as ‘cats symbolise liberals more than dogs’ is a solid point. Also anyone calling cats snowflakes never met my foul-mouthed Maine coon.

    • Good lord. I’m so sorry you have to waste your time “peer reviewing” that nonsense essay. FUN!

  15. Gonna hog this again sorry but need to vent. First of all, I don’t work in the regular rat race but as a poet. I expect artsy types to be better w this stuff as it tends to attract more queer & liberal types than average (stereotypically).

    Anyway. My first risk as a trans poet. I submitted as Liam. Received response under birth name (I’m nb and use both but I really only wanted this submitted under Liam & explained that I was trans masc to him (editor). Ended up withdrawing. If you want to know why there aren’t a lot of out trans writers, it’s crap like that.

    I hate terfs but at least they’re women. Cis het masc men need to listen to others on gender & not go round ignoring ppls names.

    If I was cis I’d start drama on it but I’m trans masc & scared that would look girly so instead I’m just seriously reconsidering using Liam & exposing that side of myself & not submitting to that mag again.

  16. This week. Ugh. Miss Kitty Fantastico has been much more sympathetic than the dogs about being hugged and cried on, so here are two new photos of Her Worship, She of Cream-Coloured and Tortoiseshell Fuzziness:

  17. I’m at my granddads house :) granddad is like this really cool guy (except he thinks I’m just like I was at sixteen but that’s cos he’s deaf and can’t have full convos with me anymore :() who’s like the opposite of all the stereotypes that have to do w growing old in terms of opinions & favourite stuff.
    This week, I just realised how diverse everyone’s political opinions are in my family. They all seem to be telling me their opinions & I don’t agree a lot w any of them but it’s a broad church, least we’re all labour. I’ve got issues w my little cousin cos I said ‘I hope there aren’t riots in London’ and she wants them… I want protests. Peaceful protests.
    My dad has taken to ignoring everything I say. I say I voted labour. A week later he asks if I’m a Tory. I’m more left wing than him as I care about (have to) intersectional stuff. I’m reading an awful book. I always finish books. I tell him and he offers sarcy comments. We’re both aspie & only communicate via text so if he’s teasing it’s not working.
    Got lots of writing done. Predictably more political than last week. Submitted some poems. Made a lot of art: some word art, some portraits, some landscapes, lots of mediums.
    Helped my mums friend which was tricky. She wanted me to proofread her book. Book isn’t well written but I was basically just doing a grammar check so just changed what I had to & wished she was writing something less important/official. Still, she was writing about my mums disability (which is rare so not naming it here) and how to be a good ally so I learnt some good advice and understood better the things mums tried explaining to me about it.
    Read a good but sad book about one of my favourite footballers as a kid & his experience having cancer. Written differently to any biography I’ve ever read as it was from three perspectives: his, his wife’s & his sister’s. I don’t read football autobiographies unless they’ve been through other, harder stuff. Now I’m reading this awful misogynist whose book I’m going to chuck. BUT I’m a writer & I like the fact he’s very flippant. As a writer, you can get something out of reading anything even if it’s just how not to write or an opinion to rage against. My experience anyway.
    If anyone could tell me a queer friendly/aimed at magazine or site that publishes poetry esp on a variety of topics rather than just the queer experience, I’d be really grateful. I don’t want to have to choose between my work & my gender.

  18. As a Louisianian the concept of sun tea horrifies me, makes me pearl clutchy beyond reason even if I understand the concept of dry heat.

    My week has been an improvement, but I’m still struggling to people and be communicative. Last 2 weeks were shit and I couldn’t handle communication and interaction. My ability to do it was just not there.
    Still feel wobbly.
    It was unseasonably cool this week and I’ve been waking up absurdly early so I had homemade puff pastry for breakfast one day this week.

    Also danced for the first time in months to this song:

    Mashrou’ Leila – Marikh (my vid embeds fail usually while my image embeds have a near perfect record, seriously look this song up tho it will move your soul also Mashrou’ Leila is great)

    I didn’t set out to try to dance to it, no matter how much it resonates with me. It sounds aching, such aching but rising, climbing up, reaching in the aching, with it.
    Just some morning streching/yoga things was all I had planned but it turned into ballet. Some strange tentative mixture of yoga like poses and classical ballet. Felt like colt trying out their limbs and breaking into a triple crown run.
    Really wish I got the whole on camera, it felt beautiful and I laughed.

  19. hello hiiiiiiiiiii,

    It was my birthday this week! So I worked extra-long the other three days of the week (usually in the office 4 days a week) and on my birthday fell over. Not really, I went to the Korean spa and read Sam Irby’s new book and got a lovely natal astrology tarot reading thing from fancy witch Brandie Taylor (who was lovely!) and today has been a wash of therapy/work/covering various bases.

    I’m having a party thing tomorrow with friends which will just be an ice cream sandwich bar and open house, and I just hope it doesn’t rain because if everyone who says they’re coming shows up I will need to be like gtfo and go outside with your ice cream sandwiches and do not bother me.

    Ugh, I like most of my friends, I am just over people needing shit from me these days. I gotta go summer-hibernate in a hammock somewhere and stop answering my phone forever ever ever. Or for like a week anyway.

    I’m overwhelmed is what, friends, and only me is responsible for figuring that out, but it feels like a lot.

    Onward! To the weekend! Hope yours is great!

    • Happy birthday! My birthday was on Saturday and I also went for a tarot reading for it! Hopefully the stars are lining up for you.

    • Happy belated birthday, @shmerdyberdy!

      I feel you on being overwhelmed. I don’t have any answers. I take solace in knowing that I’m most productive when I’m busy.

      Hope your ice cream sandwich party was fun!

  20. I really miss gardening (small container gardening because I live in an apartment). I can’t do it anymore since we moved to an area just south of the fourth level of Hell and nothing grows in this kind of heat except for cacti and my desire to move back to the mountains.

  21. I’ve been living with the New Dog for what, two weeks now? She’s adjusting fairly well to being part of a three dog party patrol. She has eaten the bed we put in her kennel, and then the blanket we replaced it with, and finally the actual side of the kennel – but mostly she’s doing great.

    I went for a job interview at the arts council this week only to realize that the position is REALLY not what I expected. I declined to continue my candidacy today and felt crummy about it, but I know I would be miserable if I accepted the job and wouldn’t last the year.

    I also went swimsuit shopping today and it was utterly devastating on every single emotional level. Everything either feels too femme-y or just looks wrong on me and it was miserable and awful. Also, because the pool party I’m going to tomorrow will be 99% straight people, I let my brain get sucked in to body hair expectations and shaved my legs for the first time in like 2 years. I hate it, and it doesn’t feel like me, and I’m miserable about it.

    I ended up going to the record store to make myself feel a little better, and found Dead Kennedys “Give Me Convenience or Give Me Death” and Dead Boys “Young Loud and Snotty.” I’ve been looking for that DK record for a few years and the shop guy gave it to me a sweet deal on it, so I guess today had ONE bright spot?

  22. I’m very glad that all of the cool clothes things that I ordered showed up this week arrived otherwise this week would have been awful because my GI system has decided that Food Is Bad and so I can’t eat solid food. Not sure what’s going on but I am not a fan of it.

  23. Hopefully my picture posts. This is my baby queer femme face. I’m not going to hide my face anymore! I wanted to post it in my first post, but posting pictures is so complicated…

  24. finals week is OVER which means i am officially halfway done with college and also officially moved back into my parents’ house and my childhood bedroom for the summer. mixed feelings about that. my sister has moved out for the summer so i have my own room for the next ten or so weeks, which is a nice break from sharing a room when i’m at school, but since it’s not really my room anymore it’s filled with all of my sister’s stuff and it feels like i’m living in someone else’s room as opposed to “coming home.” weird vibes, y’all, weird vibes. on the bright side my parents’ house has premium cable, an always-full fridge, good beer, and my dog.
    work starts tomorrow and i teach summer camp all day for rich middle school kids, so i’m not sure how much of a break summer break is really going to be. wish me luck. all of the kids are taller than me and it freaks me out.

    • Luck wished. I live with my mom and grandma and I kind of feel sufficatedish. It’s not bad, but parents man. I’m still working on being okay even if my Mom disagrees and acting childish about it. Also I hope operation coming out is coming along!

    • Welcome home-ish! Lots o’ luck. Living at home can be challenging, so enjoy that premium cable!

  25. This weekend I’m tending my old house wolf, TyLoup, as always. But I felt like a terrible doggy guardian yesterday because we rushed home from dinner/drinks in town to give him his medication, a bit later than usual but within the acceptable time-range, only to realize that I had forgot to buy him dog food.

    Nothing here is 24/7, but there are some small shops that stay open late mostly to sell alcohol but also other random things people might need at odd hours/on a Sunday like TP, dish soap, etc. So I frantically bicycled into town at 11pm and went to one that luckily sold a respectable brand of kibble. My dog probably doesn’t even realize it was a mistake, he probably thinks “Wow, exciting, my human got me a new flavor!” But I felt terrible.

    • Here he is with his bat ears out to play catch with his “grandma” who visited recently.

      • Aww, what a sweet baby! Don’t beat yourself up too much. Taking care of an elderly pet baby is hard and you are obviously a loving pet parent!

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