by rory midhani

Hey, it’s Fan Fiction Friday! I forgot to tell you something, which is that two weeks ago when I was putting together this column for Lost Girl, my girlfriend and I were visiting her family. I was working at the kitchen table while her mom cooked a holiday feast and two separate times she was like, “Heather, do you want me to turn down the heat? Your face is so flushed.” So be careful where you’re reading these things during Christmas vacation, is what I am saying.

Orange is the New Black fan fiction is weird. For starters, there’s not a whole lot of it, maybe because it’s one of the few shows on TV where women actually kiss each other with their mouths open? Also, though, nearly all of it is about Alex and Piper. You’ve got to really dig in to find good stuff about Taystee and Poussey, or Flaca and Maritza. And there’s no Sophia fanfic to be found anywhere, which is actually pretty discouraging.

But there’s still some beautiful stuff to behold, including these 9 super sexy fics to get you sprung. (Like a prison breakout joke, get it?)

How the Caged Birds Sing by fembuck

Pairing: Alex and Piper
Plot: Piper and Alex sneak around to find a place to be alone to get it on.
Length: 3,000 words
Hotness level: “Are you jealous that I’m kind of pretty now and you’re not?”

“You’re pretty,” Alex replied, her tone was characteristically dry, but her gaze was gentle and adoring and her smile was sweet. “I like staring at you,” she continued, her small smile turning into a mischievous grin as she lifted her right hand from where it was lying on her stomach and moved it to cover Piper’s breast. “And touching. Touching’s good too.”

Piper sighed softly and shook her head from side to side as if she couldn’t believe what Alex was doing, but she wasn’t able to keep the chastising expression on her face for long.

“Stop it,” she muttered even as a smile tugged up the corners of her lips.

“No.” Alex’s voice was raspier than usual as she gazed up at Piper intently. “Come here.”

Piper breathed out shakily and then leaned down and brought their lips together. The command in Alex’s voice and her sultry tone sent a wave of desire coursing through Piper, but despite that she was determined to keep the kiss chaste. They had some privacy where they were situated in library, but the stacks only protected them from being seen at a distance. At any moment someone could walk by their little alcove and see them, so prudence was still necessary, which was fine. They were not animals after all. They could control themselves.

However, when Alex’s fingers threaded themselves in Piper’s hair when she tried to pull back, and she tugged gently but firmly, pulling Piper back down to meet her lips again, heat exploded through Piper’s body, and when they kissed again it was far from chaste.

“I want you,” Alex whispered roughly against Piper’s mouth when Piper pulled back from her, breaking the kiss.

Piper smiled down at her and stroked Alex’s cheek gently.

“You have me.”

the courage roaring in your colosseum chest by lupinely

Pairing: Taystee and Poussey
Plot: Are they friends or are they more? Only time and fanfiction will tell!
Length: 5,500 words
Hotness level: “Don’t call me babe. You can’t call me babe if you can’t return my texts.”

She keeps kissing you. In the empty hallways when there’s no one to see you. In the bathroom after you finish brushing your teeth and are about to go to bed. Before breakfast, before anyone else wakes up and you’re still rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. Quick, brief, chaste kisses. Nothing as rough as the first one, as searching. Just the brush of her mouth on yours. She catches you by surprise every single time. You’re never expecting anything from her, and so you don’t notice when she starts to give you everything.

Kisses the corner of your mouth. Kisses your forehead. Kisses the back of your hand and laughs when you start to blush. You don’t want to question it—don’t dare look it in the eyes, just wish you could take this and be happy with it and want nothing else for the rest of your useless fucking life, but you’re not made that way. You’re just not. If she’s working out some sort of repressed sexual shit on you, well; you don’t want to be left behind when she figures it out and decides, in the end, that she doesn’t want you. You don’t think you can survive a heartbreak like that for a second time. Not in here. Not like this. Not with her.

She kisses you and you react, grab her face with her hands, hold her back when she tries to pull away, to stand, to leave you again. “Don’t,” you say, and thank God no one is around, thank God for this tiny moment of privacy in prison, this place where nothing is sacred or secret, this place where everyone except you knows how you feel.

“You can’t just keep doing this to me,” you say. “Not if you don’t mean it.”

“I mean it,” Taystee says, too flippantly, too—something, just not enough, why is it never enough for you—

“I’m in love with you,” you say. It’s the first time you’ve ever said it. “It’s not a fucking joke for me, T. This isn’t—this is my life, okay, my real feelings and shit, you can’t just—play me like this, like it doesn’t mean anything, because it does—it means so much to me—”

I Do by beezyland

Pairing: Nicky and Lorna
Plot: What if they were out of prison and Lorna wasn’t legit insane about her ex-boyfriend? WHAT THEN?
Length: 28,000 (3 chapters!)
Hotness level: “Run, nuns! Run!”

Nicky slips her hand onto Lorna’s thigh, rubbing comforting lines up and down. She can’t help the way she stares, fixated on the sight of her fingers caressing Lorna’s smooth skin, pushing the hem of her dress higher and higher.

“Jesus, Nicky, are ya tryin’a kill us? Watch the road, will ya?”

“Did you ever fucking watch the road whenever you drove the transfer van around?” Nicky asks in return. “I swear to god, every time you drove me back from the SHU, you’d be looking back at me, yapping on about whatever dyke drama was oh so overhyped that week.”

“Like you didn’t enjoy it.”

Nicky more than enjoyed it. She appreciated it. Her senses would be going haywire, trying to adjust to the brightness of the outside world and outside sounds. Lorna could have spent the entire drive bitching at her for whatever got her sent there in the first place, but she never did. In retrospect, it reminds Nicky of something Chapman said once, something about feeling like coming home after a long trip. Nicky won’t say any of this, of course, but she trusts Lorna knows by the way she smiles and how she entwines their fingers.

“Jesus, kid, you could’ve warned me before all of that.”

Lorna frowns. “I told you my family’s the worst.”

Read Between The Lines by OrangeFanfic

Pairing: Taystee and Poussey
Plot: OK, so more than friends then. Got it!
Length: 4,000 words (7 chapters!)
Hotness level: “Are you gonna let all the men die out?” “Oh, fuck no. We need slaves.”

There was a warmth that radiated through Poussey’s chest, rushed to her extremities and left her head cloudy. She was afraid to name it. Voicing it might corrode the feeling, and if anything, she wanted to make this feeling stay.

If she could, she would crystallize it and lock it in her chest, every now and then to pull it out and hold a magnifying glass to it like some kind of strange science experiment. It was just as odd and glowing and wonderful as an organ in a jar.

But it was temporary. It lived inside stolen moments in hidden corners of the prison yard, broom closets, empty stairwells and up against library stacks when no one else was around.

She didn’t want to name it, but if she had to, she’d call it reciprocity – the moment when she and Taystee locked eyes and shared the exact same thoughts, space, and movement. Give and take. This was no longer one-sided. She was no longer hopelessly chasing after something she couldn’t have. They were on the same page.

Mrs. & Mrs. Asshole by Fembuck

Pairing: Piper and Alex / Nicky and Alex
Plot: The love triangle that deserved so much more screentime gets it in fanfic!
Length: 7,000 words
Hotness level: “You don’t go Jessica Simpson when you got Rihanna.”

“Nothing happened.”

Nicky looked up. She was sitting on the ground in the yard up against the fence. It was cold, the view was depressing, and until Alex showed up she’d been utterly alone. It suited her current mood perfectly.

“If you believe that you’re as deluded as Chapman,” Nicky breathed out, turning away from Alex.

It was her fault really, for getting invested. Because she’d known it would end up this way but she’d still let herself dream. When her hand had been in Alex’s pants that first time and Alex had rested her forehead against Nicky’s, staring into her eyes as her breath came fast and rough, Nicky had let herself imagine months of them sharing moments like that; years even, of laughing, and throwing food at each other, and staring into each other’s eyes. But then Piper had showed up, and even though Alex had sent her packing, Alex’s eyes had followed Piper as she shuffled off, and Nicky had known that one day Piper and Alex were going to end up starting their mornings by fucking in broom closets again. She just hadn’t expected it to be so soon. She’d made the mistake of giving Alex credit.

“We talked,” Alex said, lowering herself onto the ground beside Nicky. “I wasn’t trying to see her. I just wanted a shower,” Alex stated pleadingly, looking over at Nicky who pointedly refused to meet her gaze. “Nicky,” Alex breathed out helplessly. “She’d just spent five weeks rotting underground. I couldn’t just ignore her.”

“Of course not,” Nicky replied. “She needed you,” she breathed out contemptuously. “How could you possibly resist wrapping her shivering little body in your big, strong arms? You’re so full of shit,” Nicky declared shaking her head. “The two of you deserve each other. Mrs. and Mrs. Asshole. And hey, you’ve already got Hers & Hers outfits. It’s perfect.”

A Fire Running Wild by lennab

Pairing: Piper and Alex
Plot: AU awesomeness where neither Piper nor Alex ended up in Litchfield but they met up where the series kicked off, with Piper and Larry engaged.
Length: 37,000 words (19 chapters!)
Hotness level: “It’s like you become more you … and suddenly it’s all right. You don’t feel like such a freak anymore.”

Alex didn’t respond. She only adjusted the glasses on her nose, glaring at Piper. They were both breathing heavily, having an intense stare-off. Piper didn’t know how to feel. She was confused. Her mind and heart were messing with her. She could make a list of at least fifty reasons why all this was the worst thing that could ever happen and why she shouldn’t be with or even talk to Alex anymore. But literally all she could think about at that moment were those soft, beautiful lips and how much she had missed them.

She came close to her again, slowly, careful not to break the eye contact. She felt like if she did, Alex would walk away. Alex watched her with her lips pressed against each other and Piper noticed a small wrinkle between Alex’s eyebrows. But she wasn’t frowning. She looked worried. Confused. Just like Piper, probably.

Piper stopped only inches from her, tardily reaching out for her cheeks, leaning in to kiss her again. This time, the kiss was calmer, less messy, but still as passionate as Piper had always remembered. Piper’s hands slipped smoothly into Alex’s dark hair, just as the brunette’s own hands wrapped around Piper’s waist, pulling her closer, as if trying to delete every last bit of space between them.

Piper felt Alex’s right hand running up her side and cupping her breast. She moaned into the kiss, moving backwards until her back hit the wall behind her and pulling Alex with her. Alex leaned back for a second only to kiss Piper on her neck and jawline, her hands running skillfully all over her body and making her moan quietly again, before returning to her lips.

Just as Piper’s hands slid under Alex’s top in order to take it off, they were interrupted by someone opening the door, coming into the room and exclaiming “Holy shit!”.

It was Polly.

Both Piper and Alex immediately jumped away from one another but it was obviously too late. Polly stared at Piper in disbelief. Alex tried to roll her tight top back down. Piper, trying to find help by glancing at Alex, couldn’t think of a single word to say but it wasn’t needed. Polly seemed too furious to let either of them speak.

“Sorry, apparently I’ve opened the door to the past,” she said through clenched teeth and backed out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

Covering Up by FaeCym

Pairing: Alex and Piper
Plot: A trilogy of “what ifs” that take place at the end of season one.
Length: 318,000 words
Hotness level: “She’s a lesbian. They’re lesbianing together.”

“Yes…fuck yes Piper, lose it …let go for me..fuck you are gorgeous when you come..” Alex said in her thick passion filled voice. Piper was lost, shattered as she came and clamped down on her fingers. Piper gasped and whimpered as Alex kissed her, continuing to pump until Piper came again…sometimes she would do it just right and Piper would come again and again, until she was exhausted and her muscles ached from the spasms. This time Alex was happy with just the two and pulled her hand away from Piper’s wetness. Immediately Piper felt empty and missed the closeness. Alex moved to lay beside her and Piper brought her wet hand up to her lips. She licked each finger thoroughly and Alex moaned. She loved it when Piper did that. Piper wasted little time turning over and moving Alex beneath her. She straddled her and undid the buttons on her jeans. Alex grinned and lifted her hips, helping Piper with the removal of the last bit of her clothing. Piper pulled her own dress over her head. She wanted to feel Alex against her. Her eyes fell to the book beside the lounge and she got an idea. She picked up the book and handed it to Alex. Alex took it and looked confused.

Piper bent down and kisses Alex on each nipple and sucked one in her mouth. Alex moaned and started to put the book down. Piper let her nipple out of her mouth with a pop and said ‘Oh no…you are going to read my book to me while I get lost tasting all of you. You stop reading…I stop sucking.” Alex grinned and Piper lowered her head. It was the best book sex she had ever read.

Piper was hot after remembering that day. She finished the whole series. It was the only one of that kind she had ever read. She’d seen other books by that author after they had broken up but she never read a one. She just got sad. It was time for visitation and she made her way down to see Polly. She thought maybe Pete was going to come in with her but it was just her best friend that walked in to the visiting room. Polly hugged her close and Piper closed her eyes to enjoy. It was good to be able to touch her, even a little bit. The cuffs in the hospital made it hard.

I’m In Love With You

Pairing: Flaca and Maritza
Plot: Flaca and Maritza finally realize there’s something more between them, just as one of them is about to get released.
Hotness level: “Why? Because you light a fire inside me!”

Maritza and Flaca stood beside each other as they washed the dishes, silence lay heavy among the pair. Flaca looked around her and when she realised it was just the two of them alone she began to speak.

“Hey Maritza…this is kinda weird right?” Maritza looked up to meet the taller girl’s eyes. Flaca noticed the hurt in them and quickly added, “No, no like don’t get me wrong I do like this, whatever this is but I mean it’s weird because it’s so out of the blue.”

Maritza exhaled heavily and nodded, “I know, it is but Flaca I like this. Whatever this is. But, if you don’t I’d rather you say now, I don’t want us to get deep into this and it turn our friendship to shit if you’re not comfortable,”

Flaca raised one of her soapy wet hands and grabbed the older girl’s one and gave it a quick squeeze, “I like this too,” she smiled and quickly pecked Maritza on the lips. “It feels right,”

In the Dark (Count Mistakes) by endgirl

Pairing: Piper and Alex
Plot: They really are fucking inevitable, these two.
Length: 35,000 words (18 chapters!)
Hotness level: “She will go Wolverine on your ass.”

“Holy shit,” you say, springing backwards, hand clapping over your mouth. “Jesus Christ, I’m so sorry.” Shit shit shit shit shit. How could you have slipped like this? How could you have fucked it all up when you were this close to Alex tolerating your presence on a regular basis again?

She watches while you panic—you can see her at the edge of your vision as you stare wide-eyed at the floor, wishing you could melt right into it. You’re about to get up and sprint from the library, COs be damned, but she catches your elbow. When you look up, her eyes burn into yours.

“Oh, fuck it,” she says.

Her hand tangles in your hair before you can process what’s happening. Her lips are back on yours before you can close them, and without a single moment to catch your breath, she has you in her lap. Dimly, you hear two forgotten books clop to the floor. Everything around you is suddenly, irreversibly Alex—her arms, her mouth, her fucking tongue, oh God.

If you had more sense, you might be embarrassed by the needy, joyous sounds that come from your throat. But you don’t, so you’re not. Besides, you can barely hear yourself over her moan, which feels like Christmas coming a hundred times over.

She pulls at your lower lip in exactly the way you love, worrying it with her teeth then soothing the pain away. She’s a little rougher now than she used to be, her bites a little harder. But you hit every curveball Alex throws at you, and soon she’s shifting your legs to straddle her lap.

Her fingers slip under your waistband, one hand holding your hips in place while the other snakes between your legs.

Next week? Well, you tell me!

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