It’s a new year, dear readers! How did you spend your New Years Eve? If you’re Kirsten Stewart, my loves, you entered 2015 on a Hawaiian beach, nestled in the soft embrace of your former assistant, confirmed babe Alicia Cargile.
According to these obviously tastefully-acquired photographs presented in the ever-tactful Daily Mail (which we decline to repost in this article due to our noble journalistic standards), the “gal pals” frolicked in the surf, changed outfits several times, held hands, walked around, smoked, looked surly, got things out of the car a couple of times and played that game with the tennis ball and the sticky pads that looks really fun on the package but rarely is. It is our expert opinion that Doritos were probably served. Also, Kristen Stewart appeared to be wearing what could theoretically have been some awfully familiar-looking red shorts.
We’ve speculated about these two in the past, but as far as this reporter is concerned there has been no official confirmation regarding the disposition and intent of one Kristen Stewart and her relationship with Ms. Argile. The actress did recently announce that she will be taking some time off following the release of her upcoming movie “Still Alice” with Julianne Moore. As she told USA Today, “I’m going to take so much time off. I’m going to buy a live-work space in downtown L.A. and I’m going to make some [stuff] with my hands. Literally, I made that decision a few weeks ago.”
No word on the DTLA workspace, but it looks like she and Alicia have been makin’ some stuff with their hands if ya know what I mean.
These pictures do little to confirm or deny the alleged romantic relationship between the perpetually sour-faced Stewart and her adorable friend. What we can tell you is that it appeared to be a magical weekend, and that some degree of snuggling appears to have transpired.
If Kristen Stewart ever whisked me away for a romantic weekend on a Hawaiian private beach, I would rub SPF 85 on her lower back and feed her pineapple slices to her heart’s content. We would sip rum cocktails with little umbrellas in them and hold hands as we strolled along the shore, the pristine waves lapping at our feet. Later, Kristen would dazzle me with her talent at the resort’s limbo competition. Here are some other women we think Kristen might enjoy a Hawaiian holiday with:
!!OH MY GOD
I don’t think I can handle. Bye
Cargile has never worked for Stewart.
I was snort laughing while reading that daily mail article; gal pals AND best friends and it’s just so much
straight people, you slay me.
Also when is registration for A-Camp: Queer Beach Party Edition?
Dying (more for the article than the “news”). brb
I…come on! COME ON! I know it´s bad to speculate and we don´t know her personally and blah blah blah blah blah but COME ON!!!
This girl is bursting with queerness!
Is she joking? Is she inwardly just like “hahaha. yes, straight public this is my “gal pal”. muahahaha yes, queers, I am rubbing my perfect beach dates in your faces”.
This chick. She needs to star in But I’m Bella Swan! already. I can´t deal.
This is ‘my friend’
Is my fave Flounder-Stef or B and Mallory in the beach photo?!?!?!? HOW CAN I CHOOSE
Anddddd my brain bypasses all the other things and goes straight into Dirty Uncle Safety Mode because SAND.
Of course romantic times on the beach where photogs can reach means PG things not NC-17 things.
STEF this is a masterpiece
This is the gayest beach romp I have ever seen. GayStew doesn’t even have to come out. Everyone just knows.
I’m nominating this for a Pulitzer.
I’m just here to give kudos for that L word reference.
Both these girls’ outfits scream Andro queer (This means androgynous for all the noobs) Short hair, tats, short nails, boy briefs, backwards baseball cap, low-heel booties, oversized eery thing are in these pictures.
And a beanie! Nothing says queer girl like a good beanie.
Even the non-verbals like kissing and holding hands on a beach are evident. Thank you Daily Mail, Autostraddle and Kristen’s beanie for showing us the evidence that proves what we all knew was true.
Welcome to the club, Kristen and “gal pal.”
Brittani in that pic tho
Really just the best thing. THAT HAT.
I feel like KStew could be photographed literally having sex with another girl and the Daily Mail would be like “look at these gal pals cuddling!”
Hahaha gal pals are the best cuddlers though
Question: is the third beach lady supporter in the picture (from the right) Mallory Ortberg? Or have I been just staring at her twitter for too long?
because her twitter is actually how i found out this happened.
bless the internet
And thank you for spreading the Vapid Fluff.
It sure is.
it is in fact mallory ortberg, eagleeye!
my parents are going to be so proud of me this year
OK so this article is super adorbs. But the actual pictures/”story” at the Daily Mail?
I almost never click through to look at paparazzi pics but, boy howdy, doing it this time just reminds me that it would be HELLA creepy to have people just cold following you to the beach and taking a shit ton of picture of you hanging out.
I could never be famous. I’m already a paranoid person as it is. I would go crazy thinking their was someone hiding in the bushes taking pictures of me at all times. That’s a lot of pressure.
I would end up becoming a hermit sitting at a wall of security monitors and shooting anything that moves with remote controlled BB gun turrets (yes, they are a thing).
I love this article. I have been so busy lately that I have been missing really important news stories. Luckily I saw this most important development here on Autostraddle first!
Ya’ll are making beach dates sound very romantic and fabulous right now.
Even though I know the dangers of sand and waves.
I saw the photos on tumblr, had a minor freakout and came straight to AS. You do not disappoint and I love you guys.
Seconded! Same but instagram.
I’ve always defended this friendship. I’ve been all, “What, a girl can’t hang out with a lesbian without being gay?!?!?!”
But this was super gay. It couldn’t have been gayer if her tank said LESBIAN on it.
HA “gal pals” ok Daily Mail that is not quite exactly how I usually act around my gal pals…
What’s better than this, gals being pals?
I am very sorry I’ll let myself out
Best DM caption: ‘the pair certainly share a love for edgier fashion dress’. Is that what we’re calling it now?
“Edgier fashion dress” = what I wear to bed. Maybe I should be on Project Runway.
New year beach dates look so great with all the sun and sand and surf and K-stew and gal pals…imagining this on the east coast of northern England Hahahaha.
This gave me all the feelings. All of them. I can’t even….like the way she sits is screaming beautiful queerness and she is actually smiling with this chick. Why am I so excited about this?! But I’m so frickin hysterically excited about this. I need a chamomile tea.
I wish we could record sound clips in the comments, I have a feeling there would be a lot of hysterical sounds going on, I think AAAAGGHHAAAAAHHHHOHMYGOD just came from my mouth
I just went “AAAAAAAHHHGHH” for like a full minute and let it fade out because I remembered there are still sleeping people in my home.
This is just like….incredibly invasive. KStew will come out when she’s good and ready. Til then, can we address stuff that doesn’t involve what amounts to basically outing people without their consent?
One of the things I hate around here. Leave her be! If/when she publicly comes out is her business, not ours. Did we enjoy people pestering us about our sexuality before we were ready to even talk about it? I know I didn’t.
Yes, no one likes to be outed before they are ready, and the spirit of Stef’s Vapid Fluff piece is about the desire of a lot Autostraddle’s readers see a celebrity whom they already admire, in pictures that could be construed/insinuated as evidence of a lesbian relationship. That is all this is. This is not declaring this is evidence of Kirsten Stewarts lesbian relationship or tendancies, indeed, The Daily Mail in all its innocence and diplomacy is calling these friends Pals.
This is not a contemptuous or malicious piece of gossip or speculation. It is a supportive piece of gossip and speculation.
Celebrities like the rest of us can hide or they can be themselves in public. It looks like here that Kirsten Stewart is being herself. The trouble is, she is a celebrity and will be speculated about more because of it, she is aware of her celebrity status, and she could have taken greater trouble to remain guarded, or private. Because she chose to be herself in a public space, with her “friend”, she has been captured in pictures that are suggestive of a !!!same!!!! sex!!!! relationship!!!!.
I am hoping that for Kirsten Stewarts safety and wellbeing, that her confidence in her “friendship” with whoever the lady friend is, shows that Kirsten is ready to be herself and is able to face and thrive as herself, whatever that truth and whoever she is.
Vapid Fluff is speculation and hearsay, a Chinese Whisper, and reported at a distance of at least 6 or 100 peoples remove from the source, and in this context (Autostraddle), it is supportive. Maybe KStew could have sex on the beach with her friend and they would still be pals… worth a crack…
Whoops Kristen Stewart!! I’ve just outed myself as decrepit. In my day etc..
I actually don’t have a problem with the article. Its tame and silly compared to what I was afraid it’d be. The comments are always the ones that make me uncomfortable. Not just here but comments people make in general when it comes to her sexuality. I’m just over here like “LEAVE KRISTEN ALONE!!” Because when people I’m not out to speculate about me, I get uncomfortable and nervous and it just freaks me out. I wouldn’t wish it on her.
And I’m apart of the “I hate paps” crew so I generally hate most things that have to do with them. I if she did have a girlfriend and wanted to cuddle her on the beach without the rest of the world knowing, she should be able to.
Maybe I’m just projecting though.
how can they post this photo^^^ and say this: “While Kristen’s ex Robert Pattinson has moved on to a new relationship with British singer FKA twigs, it seems she is much more happy enjoying the single life with her friend.” ?!?!?!??!!?!??!!?
lol “single life” lol “friend”
Is this daily mail article for real?
Writer #1: “Any implication of romantic involvement between two women may offend the delicate sensibilities of our readers! And then nobody will believe the Twilight love story! What shall we do!?”
Writer #2: “I KNOW! Let’s call ’em GAL PALS!”
I’m just here for the inevitable argument over the ethics of speculating on her sexuality.
It’s happened a couple of comments above yours.
So I know a lot of the backlash against “they’re just friends” is that it’s a cover for homophobia. But I don’t know if I am necessarily that comfortable with the opposite – same-sex affection means they’re obv dating.
I am super affectionate. With everyone. Whether I am sexually attracted to them or not. Yet for a long time, I was either shut out of affection or too afraid to convey affection because it got so caught up in sexual attraction. “Oh you want to hold my hand? I’M NOT HOMO GO AWAY”
It took me a while to be able to decouple affection from attraction, and even now it’s still a bit of a minefield. I’ve been that level of affectionate with straight girls (and yes, straight) or guys (I’m not into guys) or other people I have no sexual attraction for just because I find it comforting and they’re into it and it’s all good.
I fear that the idea that affection must mean attraction just makes it even more sexualized than it needs to be, and leads to ideas of “no homo!” and not being able to show feelings and whatnot. And that makes me deeply uncomfortable.
(I’m also uncomfortable with some comments which are all OF COURSE SHE’S QUEER, SHE LOOKS THE PART. As someone who never pings as queer due to my appearance, this just reifies the idea of the ‘queer uniform’.)
Sorry for being a killjoy.
I feel you on the queer uniform part especially
I think complaining about ‘speculating on her sexuality’ is a bit ridiculous. First of all, we are not saying she is gay, just that she is obviously in a relaysh with Alicia. If she was a dude no one would question the fact that they are dating.
Also, remarking that she looks the part is not oppressing anyone. I’m excited about her visual queerness because she’s an icon I’ve grown up with (yep, I’m a baby) and I see in her self-presentation something I identify with.
I do feel bad about looking at pap pictures though, because it’s fucked up and kstew (gaystew (baestew)) obviously hates it
I’m weeping with laughter over that Daily Mail article.
To think that all of this time,I was celebrating that “edgy” fashion and “happily single” Lifestyle! I actually snorted when KStew’s gal pal, pulled on her flannel over her biceps tattoo of a naked woman, and the hard pressed picture subtitler referred to her edgy fashion style.
This feels like the Dudley’s discussing Harry’s wizarding background.Let’s just not mention the word “Magic!”
I mentally substituted every other adjective with “gay””Very gay””soso Gay”, btw.
But you know, bless them for not harping on Lesbian rumors and blowing this up and giving the girl her space to you know, hang with her gal pal in semi peace.
I think this also featured the first pic I’ve ever seen Ms.Stewart smile in,so, good for her.
Can’t wait to see the Daily Mail pics of them visiting cat shelters, playing in the local field hockey league, and attending Tegan & Sara concerts. You know. Gal pal stuff.
so this is fantastic, and if you have a few hours to spare and some popcorn handy, go find some twihards blogs where there’s exhaustive and very …logical research on why this is all a front and kstew really spent xmas/nye with robert pattison, they jump through more hoops than the daily mail does
THIS ARTICLE IS EPIC. THE DAILY MAIL ONE IS MAKING ME THINK IT IS WRITTEN BY SOME SKEEVY GUY. PLZ LOOK AT THE LANGUAGE.
One of the guys! Kristen ditches the traditional bikini in favour of men’s underpants and vest top (that displays her black bra) as she splashed around with her gal pal
DISPLAYS HER BRA? what! No, it’s a singlet. Dude, she’s just trying to be sun safe. She’s not displaying anything for you. Get away with your creepy camera and commentary.
Girl’s will be boys: When it comes to the beach, it seems Kristen is much more comfortable in more masculine attire .
YOU KNOW, AS OPPOSED TO WHAT PIECES OF SHOELACE SOCIETY DEEMS TO BE THE ONLY CHOICE FOR FEMALE SWIMMING ATTIRE. WHEN IT COMES TO THE BEACH IT SEEMS KRISTEN IS MUCH MORE COMFORTABLE IN CLOTHES THAT ARE FUNCTIONAL.
Oh my gosh where is this rage coming from?!??!
I need to protect my queer folk.
Kristen is pregnant again. She is telling her fans that know Robert red underwear stand for. You can see the baby bump
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