Evan Rachel Wood Has Some Bisexual Feelings For Pride Month

Happy pride month! I hope you are planning on celebrating responsibly! If you’re like me, you’re celebrating by hiding from every single crowded parade and event happening in your fair city, but maybe you’re taking full advantage of this very special holiday. My girlfriend Evan Rachel Wood Bisexual has some words she’d like to say to you concerning her own bisexual experience, as well as issues facing bisexuals in the world at large. She’d like to tell you about them while wearing this super-cute button-down that she also wore when she took me to the movies last week. We saw The Conjuring 2. She bought me a cherry Coke and held my hand the whole time.*

*- a girl can dream.

First of all, Evan Rachel Wood’s YouTube name is KaraokeNinja33, and before we touch on any of the very serious topics touched upon in this video, let’s take a moment to appreciate her and everything she does.

“There are so many grey areas in this world, especially when it comes to gender roles, especially when it comes to sexuality,” declares Evan Rachel Wood. She opens by discussing some alarming statistics regarding bisexuals, particularly the large percentage of people who have contemplated suicide, experienced abusive relationships and/or struggle with depression and addiction.

Wood goes on to describe the negative reaction she faced the first time she kissed a girl as a kid, and the internalized biphobia that she faced throughout her adolescence. Like a frighteningly large number of bisexual women, she considered suicide while struggling to understand her sexuality. She describes her struggle with her sexuality frankly and openly, with a candor that’s unfortunately rare among public figures. Although she seems much more at ease with herself as an adult, Wood posits herself as a “flare” for the bisexual community — a visible representation, something that bisexuals need. By seeing examples of ourselves in the world, maybe we can begin to address the issues that so often plague bisexual women in particular. Wood goes on to debunk some common misconceptions about bisexuality, all while maintaining that bisexuals are actual and legitimate human beings (imagine that!).

I could continue describing this adorable and important video, or you could watch it yourself. I’m not sure what we as a community did to deserve the thoughtful, earnest and precious Evan Rachel Wood, but whatever it is, as a bisexual woman I am very, very grateful.

If you’re looking for more of Evan Rachel Wood, her band Rebel & a Basketcase just put out their first single “Oh Yeah” and it’s pretty great actually.

Also, if you are my girlfriend Evan Rachel Wood, call me.

Stef Schwartz is a founding member and the self-appointed Vapid Fluff Editor at Autostraddle.com. She currently resides in New York City, where she spends her days writing songs nobody will ever hear and her nights telling much more successful musicians what to do. Follow her on twitter and/or instagram.

Stef has written 429 articles for us.

32 Comments

  1. I love this so much!

    As another bisexual woman who was suicidal as a teen, it means so much to hear someone with a platform tell her story and talk about fitting into the statistics. And to really own the word bisexual and be unafraid of using it and talking about how the experience is different.

    This has made my Pride!

  2. Wow, what an awesome video – my inner 13 year old self is crying with happiness! And yes, I match the statistics too. I loved the part where she said bisexuals are mostly just confused about where our place is in the world. And the eye rolling, totally nailed it!

    • Yes me too! This is amazing. And I totally have been scared that I might “really” be straight, even after a 7-year partnership with a woman, and have wished that I was lesbian because it would be “easier”.

  3. Evan Rachel Wood is a good speaker and a great person but “I’ve always been very gender fluid, I’ve always worn boy’s clothes” made me cringe. I would be thrilled if ERW really identified as genderfluid, but in this context she uses the word to mean “flexible gender presentation”, which is a completely different experience than having your gender change over time.

    I’m frustrated that some X amount of cis people will be misinformed about nonbinary genders through this video, adding to the ambient pool of inane opinions surrounding nb people.

    • This kind of makes me think of the movement to have an asterisk at the end of then “trans” label to imply that certain people (mostly non-binary people) couldn’t claim the label fully and had to show that they were “trans but with an asterisk”

      If ERW claims to be gender fluid I wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss. Sure she could have elaborated more but this is a personal video. And that’s what she chose to share.

  4. Thank you for posting this. My favorite part was when she said bisexuals aren’t confused about who we are, we’re confused about where we fit in.

    It also makes me very grateful for the queer communities I’ve found as a bi woman – both when I came out 25 years ago and more recently when I realized I needed to come out again after 10+ years of marriage to a man.

  5. It would be nice if we, as teens, could have the space to explore these sorts of things without getting smacked down by the people around us or, sometimes worse, ourselves. Freedom to kiss, as it were. Unfortunately, I suspect that the stigma of “experimentation” is going to be tough to kick for a very long time. It’s a rough catch-22, I fear…we expect people to be “something” and stick to it, but we don’t give them the space to find out for themselves what that “something” actually is.

  6. The part where she talks about how it was easier for her when she was out as gay was just so fucking real.

    When I first realized I liked women, I thought it meant I was gay.
    In all my processing, it never once occurred to me, an adult human being who had spent 28 years being super into dudes, that I could be bisexual.

    I was tormented by the idea that I had apparently been gay all this time and not noticed, and confused about why I’d never felt like I was missing something huge in my previous sexual or romantic relationships if all along I didn’t actually like guys.

    When I figured out that I was bisexual I was really frustrated.
    People had been so cool about it when I told them I thought I was gay.
    I wished SO hard that I could just be a lesbian because I knew that people don’t recognize bisexuality as legitimate, and I worried about making new friends or dating people who might be assholes to me because of it (and some totally were).

    Even after a couple of years of being very openly out as bisexual, it’s still hard for me sometimes to correct people who assume I’m gay (which happens constantly since I’m married to someone who isn’t a man) because those eye rolls can break your fucking heart and I don’t always have it in me to bear witness to another person’s involuntary facial expression while they mentally categorize me as an untrustworthy, confused, attention-seeking fraud.

    • Like you, I ignored my sexuality. I loved guys. So if I ignored my crushes and fantasies about girls, I could just be straight, right? Except no. I’m really very not straight. I identify as bisexual and queer, as well as kinky and polyamorous. And all of these are important parts of my identity regardless of who I’m dating or sleeping with.

      • I’m on board this train as well. I wasn’t trying to ignore my sexuality, per se, but I heard all these stories and coming-out narratives where people realized there was something different about them because they didn’t like the opposite sex, and I liked the crap out of the opposite sex. My interest in boys was cranked up to ten. Thus, I completely did not get the memo that I was madly in love with my best (female) friend as a high-schooler because it didn’t feel like my attraction to guys. I didn’t have the raw, primal desire and the baldly pornographic thoughts about her that I did with guys. But I did think an awful lot about what it would be like to hold her close and maybe share a bed, cuddle, stroke her hair, etc. and that probably should have been a hint. My cluelessness as to my true feelings did not save me when she betrayed and abandoned me. You’d think the fact that I responded to this exactly as you would expect someone going through the ugly loss of their first love to act would have clued me in, but nope.

        To this day, my attraction to women has a different “flavor” to it than my attraction to men. However, I’ve noticed that in these past few years, when I’ve been more open to myself and others about being bi, my attraction to women has gotten a little more physical, a little more chemistry-oriented, without my attraction to men having diminished at all. Now I’m just one of those awful people who wants in everybody’s pants, I guess (not really, but it feels that way sometimes).

        Speaking of identity and visibility, when I’m out and about with the hubby, of course I get assumed straight. But when I’m out on my own, since I rock the tomboy lifestyle, I frequently get pegged as gay (hahaha, pegged). Neither are true. Le sigh.

        • Yes, thank you for mentioning the experience of being exposed primarily to narratives where people feel like something was wrong with them because they didn’t have the attractions they were expected to have.

          I think this was also a huge part of why I never really considered that I could be anything but straight my whole life – because I loved boys.

          Even if I felt attracted to a girl here and there, I would just be like “Well I’m straight, so I guess I’m imagining it.”

          My first kiss was with my best friend when we were 13. We locked her bedroom door, got under her covers and kissed for like 15 minutes with our hands up each other’s shirts, and I LIKED it.

          STILL, I was so certain I was straight because I liked boys and I didn’t know I could be anything other than just gay or straight.

  7. My grandfather’s husband died recently, leading to the frankest conversations my family’s ever had about gender and sexuality (they were an open secret for most of their partnership, and they never talked about being gay, they just spent 54 years together).

    Apparently my grandfather is actually bi, so the historical, tragic gay caught in a straight marriage narrative I’ve been thinking all these years is wrong. (Not that that’s a bad thing! He and my other grandfather had the best relationship I’ve ever seen in real life, so whatever reason he left my grandmother, it was definitely the right decision.)

    TLDNR: I thought I was such a great bi ally but I’ve actually been erasing my grandfather’s experience for over a decade 🙁

  8. I never comment but…. This is so relevant to me…
    I started realizing I was bisexual when I was a teenager, and it was HELLA confusing. At 23, it still is.
    My first sexual experience was with a man, but my first relationship of any kind was with a girl, and a 3 years relationship at that. All of a sudden I was everybody’s “lesbian” friend, and nobody understood why I was unconfortable with this label. When my gf broke up with me, I started dating a guy and am still with him a year later, and…. Well for everyone (friends and family) I am “straight” again. My past is just seen as an “experiment”, and it’s really hard to make people understand that it was not! It’s just who I am.
    Breaking up with my gf cut me off from the LGBT community and all the gay/lesbian people I knew.
    I find myself in a straight world, surrounded only by straight people, and I can’t find a way to integrate my sexual identity in my day-to-day life in a way that feels authentic and real.
    The only person who understands me and supports me is, ironically I guess, my straight boyfriend, who is 100% comfortable with my sexuality.
    However, it still feels like a lie because I can’t be open about who I am.

  9. “Not gay enough, not straight enough.” Hitting the nail right on the head with that one. Personally, I’ve found the queer community to be slightly more accepting than the heterosexual community. That being said, it’s continually difficult to feel like you have to “prove” that your sexuality is not an act of confusion. It’s wonderful to see someone who relates to all the complexities of this ID talk about that experience openly.

  10. Oh my God, this is amazing. Many of the things she said resonated with me a lot, I was about to cry a few times.

    I wish I could show this video to my teen self. I actualy believe that seeing ourselves represented through media/famous people can save lives. Proud of being bi and proud to have her on our side.

  11. Reading this, I totally thought you legit started dating ERW and I was very “OMG congrats holy cats how great for you!” and then I realized it is all a dream, for now…

    I thought that people would be totally cool with me being bi, so I would come right out with it on first dates and yet every.single.one. got a deer-in-headlights look and told me they were worried I would cheat. One guy told me we could sit around and judge women together on whether we would sleep with them when I revealed that nugget about myself. I don’t know why people don’t get it, or aren’t more cool with it. I get worried now that if I tell people, they will run or judge or start imagining threesomes and I hate feeling like its better for me if I hide who I am. I also wonder if I will ever get married. My ex-gf kept telling me to pick a side, that she wished I were a lesbian…and then she would just call me straight. And, like many others, I’ve been in abusive relationships and attempted suicide. Now, with my bf, I seem straight to my coworkers and have been getting some side-eye and questions about my sexuality when I stand up to homophobic comments at work, and since I can be fired for my sexuality, I am more in the closet about being bi than when I was 15.

    Bi visibility is so important to me.

  12. Apparently coming out as bisexual is suddenly the thing for young things. I just finished reading at this very site the last lesbian griping I am ever going to read here about how shit it is that this is now cool and let’s all the bisexuals claim a stake in the true pain of the 100 percent gay.

    If this is true now, I am here to tell the young once and for all that it wasn’t always. Furthermore, the persecutors of the gay feel no different about bisexuals–in my experience, they’re as skeptical of our bona fides as our gay sisters–plus they feel even more certain that we are just being perverse out of perversity.

    GOD, I am so sick of being treated as an outsider by the very women I always stand up for.Just read a prime example I stumbled upon while innocently reading comments about something else entirely.

    News flash: everyone has straight privilege till they come out as other. And no straight person suffering from homophobia says, oh but bisexuals are fine; they’re only half queer.

    No, it’s almost always gay women who think that being half queer AND admitting it is just a useful ploy to get attention. And yeah, I expected solidarity. I don’t want to date my gay sisters (I don’t necessarily trust you either) but I DID want to be allies–not to steal anyone’s victimhood, but to stand shoulder to shoulder in the fight for a world where EVERYONE gets a choice and all choices especially are respected.

    Nobody bisexual is trying to take away anyone else’s claim to be the most wounded. We support everyone’s past, present, and future choices. We vote and campaign against discrimination even when the people we support continuously moan that we can’t lay claim to their special experiences. I have ALWAYS honored the lesbian sisters and was reading the literature before the present generation of petulant, chip on the shoulder baby dykes were out of their nappies.

    I won’t be back. I have just read one petulant whinge too many. Silly children, we are the BEST argument that sexual preference lies along a continuum and that every choice or biological imperative is equally to be respected.

    So tired of standing down to avoid seeming disrespectful of the casual disrespect of other preferences.

    FYI, to make the world safe for gay and trans people will take the support not only of bisexuals and straight people too. Stop slogging off the people who are on your side (and who are willing to take risks themselves to show it.)

    So long

  13. I can relate!!! I wouldn’t accept that i was bi cuz i associated it with emos and hipsters as a teen; but now im all grown and realize ive been bi since i was young and realize how messed up i wasss in my teens 4 thinking it was just a trendy thing 🙁

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