Evan Rachel Wood Bisexual Is Single Again: What Does This Mean For You?

feature image by Hilary Walsh

Professional attractive person Evan Rachel Wood and unlikely-but-determined ballet dancer husband Jamie Bell have reportedly split after two years of marriage.  The couple met in 2005 while starring in Green Day’s video for “Wake Me Up When September Ends,” and wed in 2012. Their son, whose name has not been made available to the public, was born in July of 2013. According to a rep for Mr. Bell, “Evan Rachel Wood and Jamie Bell have decided to separate. They both love and respect one another and will of course remain committed to co-parenting their son. This is a mutual decision, and the two remain close friends.”  Bell has recently deleted his Twitter account, and Wood announced yesterday that she’d also be taking a hiatus from Twitter.

via Getty Images

via Getty Images

Noted goodlooking human Evan Rachel Wood came out as bisexual in a 2011 issue of Esquire, and since then has continued to be a bisexual person, breathing the same air as other human beings on Planet Earth and walking among them. Following her wedding in 2012, a Twitter follower inquired as to whether her marriage to a man meant that Ms. Wood no longer identified as bisexual. Evan Rachel Wood replied that she was in fact still bisexual, just no longer single. In the wake of her marriage’s dissolution, Ms. Wood now appears to be not only single, but also still bisexual.

Sources close to Autostraddle.com report that the newly single Ms. Wood was spotted dancing at a ladies’ party called the Grind in Los Angeles this past Wednesday night, sparking rumors that you, yes YOU stand even a snowball’s chance in hell of becoming Evan Rachel Wood’s new paramour. Presumably, Evan Rachel Wood will also start showing up in your OKCupid matches, Tinder and at your local happy hour. Is she looking at you?  OMG maybe she’s looking at you. You should say hi!  Maybe you could work up the nerve to dance awkwardly with Evan Rachel Wood, and then later on you guys might exchange numbers! Later this weekend, you’ll meet up to drink almond milk lattes and shyly hold hands, and the paparazzi could describe you as Evan Rachel Wood’s “mystery flame.”  She just got out of a pretty big relationship so she isn’t in a rush to get serious, but that’s OK, Evan Rachel Wood!  We just want to peruse used bookstores and eat Thai food with you.  We’ll take this at your pace.

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Stef Schwartz is the self-appointed Vapid Fluff Editor at Autostraddle.com. She's a rock'n'roll jack-of-all-trades, vegan crusader and legit professional weirdo. She currently resides in New York City, where she spends her days writing songs nobody will ever hear and her nights telling much more successful musicians what to do. Follow her on twitter and/or instagram.

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      So I just learned about “The Grind”. But it’s on Wednesday nights? The boring, responsible adult in me just can’t justify driving all the way out there. Not even for newly singly Evan Rachel Wood Bisexual.

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      This is the Lesbian Police.

      We have been informed that you failed to detect a known bisexual within 100 unicorn steps of your person in the time limit of 20 lesbian relationship cycles. Your comment above is being filed as a confession to this infraction.

      This is strike one.

      If you wish to make any further statements or appeal regarding this ruling report to your local precinct.

      Please be aware that after the third strike you will have to return your license to practice lesbianism and your name will be struck from The Chart. You will also be required to return any rewards or incentives you have earned including the introductory toaster oven (if applicable). Documents and property may be returned upon completion of a valid beginners training course.

      We thank you for taking this matter seriously.

      Have a nice day.
      The Lesbian Police

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    I have the wrong priorities because when I first heard the news my immediate reaction was “Yay! Jamie Bell is free!” I have no particular loyalty to ERW and I don’t even like guys in a sexual way but I just really like Jamie Bell as an actor. He seems like a good guy. I remember him talking about how Evan broke his heart the first time they broke up years ago for Marilyn Manson and I just always felt sorry for him because who wants their girlfriend to leave them for Marilyn Manson? Ew.

    So yeah. Wrong priorities. Well, I hope she meets a nice girl or whatever. And that’s my one nice comment for the day.

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    #moving to LA. But in all seriousness– I wonder, since I’m elementary at this, what it’s like for a gay-identified/lesbian female to date/pursue a bisexual lady? Or vice-versa. My main point of reference thus far is Tina from The L Word. Lol. I’m sure this is addressed somewhere on another post, but I’m also newbie auto-straddler…so yeah. Just thought I’d ask.

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    I’m coming!
    I’m on my way!
    I’m coming Evan Rachel Wood Bisexual!
    Don’t hook up with anyone! Don’t make eye contact with anyone! Don’t go outside!Just sit still and don’t get any more attractive!

    *frantically packing*

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