Hold onto your eggs, we’re getting ready for Autostraddle’s International Brunch Weekend 8/23-24! Find a brunch meetup in your city or create your own by heading over to our events page. You can also load up on all things brunch by watching this space. From playlists to recommendations to personal essays, we’re writing all about the brunch experience. Get excited! BRUNCH.

Sometimes you can’t go out to brunch. Sometimes you gotta brunch at home. For those times, you need to have some perfect, secret recipes up your sleeve. We’ve got your essentials covered here: fluffy pancakes, crispy home fries and a damn fine bacon bloody mary.

The Fluffiest Pancakes In The Entire World

by Hansen

Making pancakes on lazy morning weekends is one of my new traditions. They’re so easy and comforting. I make them nearly every weekend, to be honest, and I pile them high on a plate and eat them with my girlfriend while snuggling on the couch, watching a movie or planning the day. Pancakes are deceptively simple. In reality, they’re tricky, because it’s a fine line between getting awesome pancakes and getting a hard lump of tough dough so dry you need gallons of syrup. In fact, I used to be a maple syrup girl, but this recipe doesn’t even need them.

One weekend, I couldn’t find the pancake recipe we usually use, so I googled “fluffy pancakes.” I made them according to the recipe even though I was skeptical as hell, and this was my legitimate reaction after taking a bite:

See, the trick to fluffy pancakes is to spoil the milk with vinegar. It creates tiny bubbles which make your pancakes fluffy, and it’s super fast, and it has worked for me every time. It sounds, well, it sounds disgusting, and it looks disgusting, but I need you to trust me. I have eaten these so many times I can’t even count.

Also, I’ve made these pancakes a variety of ways, using gluten-free flour, regular flour, whole wheat flour, regular butter, vegan butter, olive oil once (all we had!), almond milk, regular milk and soy milk. You can substitute to make it completely vegan or gluten-free and the fluffiness is there every time. You with me? Let’s do this.

not pictured: vinegar, which is like the whole basis of this post, don’t even worry about it

adapted from All-Recipes

makes 9-10 medium-size pancakes

Ingredients: 

• 3/4 cup milk
• 2 Tbsp white vinegar
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 2 Tbsp white sugar
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1 egg
• 2 Tbsp butter, melted
• Chocolate chips (optional, but really, I mean, just do it, and get dark chocolate morsels while you’re at it because they’re bigger)
• cooking spray/oil/butter for pan

I like to have three bowls handy for this: my large mixing bowl, a small bowl to combine dry ingredients and a large mug in which to melt the butter, then stir in the egg.

trust me!

1. Mix the milk and vinegar in the big mixing bowl, stop grimacing at the weirdness that’s happening, set aside.

sifting is for suckers and also Martha Stewart, probably

2. Combine all dry ingredients. (Not the chocolate chips! those are last minute additions!) I am not a fussy cook, so I don’t sift it all together, but follow your arrow.

guess who cleaned the microwave halfway through making these pancakes? this guy!

3. Melt the butter in the microwave. Pro tip: watch your fucking butter so it doesn’t explode all over the place. (I may not be a fussy cook but I am a distracted cook and this happens to me almost every time.) Take it out as soon as it’s about 1/2-2/3 of the way melted, then stir it together to melt the rest. Add the egg and stir together.

yummmmmm spoiled milk

4. Add the butter and egg concoction to the weirdo milk mixture. Stir that all together. It’s totally fine that it’s lumpy, you’re going to forget all about its lumpiness in .7 seconds.

5. Add half of your dry ingredients to the wet ingredients, whisk/fork/stir it all together, then add the other half.

6. Get your pan ready, and set your chocolate chips on the counter beside it. My girlfriend taught me this trick: add the chocolate chips after you put your pancake mixture in the pan. That way you can distribute evenly, and every pancake eater in your house gets chocolate chips. This is especially helpful if you are feeding small children/your roommate who can just tell that you gave another person more chocolate chips. It also prevents clumping of the chocolate chips all at the end which everyone knows leads to intense regret.

there are clearly two more chocolate chips in that one omg

7. Pour in your pancake batter. Make them Mickey pancakes, make them heart pancakes, make them tiny or big – just make them however you’d like. I do about four-inch diameter pancakes and this recipe makes ~10 of those.

8. Your pancakes are ready to flip as soon as you start seeing bubbles pop up on the sides that pop and don’t fill in on themselves.

sorry there aren’t more on this plate: I ate them all

9. Check your brownness level and transfer to a plate when they’re done. I kinda burnt half of mine because I got distracted drinking coffee and playing with my cat, but they still tasted awesome, let me tell you. Serve ’em hot. You can add syrup if you’d like, but like I said, they are so moist and wonderful they don’t need it.

check out the fluff factor going on here

eating pancakes and looking at furniture on Craigslist: so, so domestic

Go be amazed by your fluffiness.

Next page: The secret trick to making your home fries crispy and delicious.

The Trick To Making Home Fries Perfect

by Varina

Ah potatoes, the starchy vegetable that makes the angels sing and the closest thing we have in this weary world to proof of a loving god (well, potatoes and Natalie Dormer). I mean, okay, so maybe you can – technically – hold a brunch without the some sort of crispy fried potato goodness (that, as a bonus, is both vegan and gluten-free), but like, why would you?

Maybe you’ve been burned by home fries in the past and aren’t sure you’re ready to trust again. You tried making them and they were a pain in the ass, burnt on the outside, raw on the inside, constantly sticking to the pan. It’s not the potatoes fault. The truth is most recipes for home fries are made of garbage. I mean, I’m not saying there is some international conspiracy trying to keep you from the goodness of perfect crispy on the outside creamy on the inside home fries actually made in your home, but look at the results. Well, I’ve seen every episode of X-Files (except the last two seasons because as every X-Files fan knows, they don’t count) so I’m fully prepared to bust any conspiracy wide open, and give you the secret.

via Rabbit Tooth

So here’s the secret to easy and perfect home fries: cold, already cooked potatoes. It doesn’t make a huge difference what kind or how they were cooked as long as they’re whole. I think the absolute best is yellow potatoes that have been boiled whole, but if you have a leftover baked russet, that’ll work fine too. Since they are already cooked through you don’t have to worry about your home fries being underdone, and by cooling them you let them sort of chill and compose themselves, reabsorbing their starch (potatoes sometimes need emotional space to be their best selves too you know). They won’t stick to the pan as much and will have a nice creamy consistency.

The basic procedure (for two people, you can double, triple, or otherwise exponentially expand quantities for more, but don’t overcrowd your frying pan. If you are making a lot, fry in batches and keep the rest in a warm oven):

1/2 Lb yellow potatoes, such as yukon gold (or whatever you’ve got)
1 Tbsp salt, plus more to taste
1/2 an onion, diced (optional)
1/4 green bell pepper (optional)
1 clove garlic, minced (optional)
2-3 Tbsp oil

If you don’t have any leftover potatoes laying around: the night before you want home fries, put the whole, unpeeled potatoes in a pot with one tablespoon of salt, and cover them with cold water. Put on the heat on high and bring to a boil. Let boil until the potatoes are tender all the way through, 15-20 minutes. Drain potatoes and cool overnight in the fridge.

Now comes the magic. To peel the potatoes, pinch the skin and peel it cleanly away with your fingers. It should come right off. If it doesn’t, the potatoes either weren’t fully cooked or weren’t fully cooled.

MAGIC!

Cut the peeled potatoes into chunks, of whatever size you like.

Now this next whole step is optional, and technically makes them Potatoes O’Brien, not home fries, but you know, whatever. They’re good that way. I myself usually skip the bell peppers because I rarely have them lying around. So: Heat pan (use a cast iron skillet for best results, failing that non-stick is best) over medium and put in enough oil to lightly coat the pan. Add onions and bell peppers and saute until the onions are nicely browned, then add garlic and saute another minute. Remove these to a dish and wipe any bits off the pan.

Return the pan to medium heat and add 2-3 Tbsp oil, enough to coat the pan heavily. Once it’s hot, add the potatoes in an even layer. Let them cook about 2-3 minutes without disruption, until browned on one side, then turn and let them cook 2 minutes on each of the other sides. Of course, I don’t really have the patience to carefully turn each cube of potato on each side, the key is really to leave them undisturbed for a few minutes between turns so it can form a nice brown crust, and to scoop up the potatoes and flip them with a spatula, like you would a pancake, rather than stirring them like oatmeal.

Return the onion mixture to the pan and sprinkle with additional salt to taste. Use a seasoned salt if you like. Stir it well and heat until the onions are hot again.

Serve. I like to garnish mine with a bit of fresh herb, chives or flat parsley are good, for a little visual interest on an otherwise mostly beige plate.

So, go forth and brunch, armed with wonderful starchy goodness suitable for soaking up some of those mimosas.

Next page: The one ingredient your bloody mary has been missing all along.

The Best Bacon Bloody Mary

by Hannah 

So, you think your local brunch joint makes the best bloody marys? Sure, whatever. I bet they don’t put bacon in it. That’s right, you’ve been doing bloody marys wrong this whole entire time. I’m intervening:

1. Purchase the cheapest possible vodka. You’re about to drop some serious cash on hot sauce and pickles. This isn’t Sex and The City. This is Brunch. This is about the most efficient way to consume alcohol while eating breakfast foods on the Lord’s Day. I went with Sobieski.

2. Retrieve the homemade pickled peppers and beans from your fridge. What? You don’t have freshly made homemade refrigerator pickles, you say? Blasphemy. I suppose you’ll just have to spring for the store bought variety. I’m a big fan of Rick’s Picks’ “Windy City Wasabeans,” but any old pickled veggies will do the trick.

3. Assemble your arsenal of spicy, tomato-ey, vinegar-y goodness.

• 1 Jar of tomato juice
• 6 slices pickled jalapenos, chop that shit up reaaaal fine.
• Mad garlic. Chop that shit up too.
• A handful of dill. Choppety-chop.
• Get some parsley. Chop it. I don’t know what it really does for the flavor, but it looks nice.
• 2 Fat dollops prepared horseradish. More if you like. There’s never enough horseradish.
• 2 Hefty shakes of Worcestershire sauce. (why the f—k is that word so long? Go home Worcestershire, you’re drunk. Take “Colonel” with you).
• Some soy sauce or soy sauce alternative like Bragg’s Liquid aminos. Because you’re a hipster.
• HOT SAUCE
• The freshly squeezed juice of 1 lemon.
• A buttload of cracked black pepper, cocktail olives, pickles.
• BACON. Thick cut.

Step 4

Put it all of the liquids and spices in a fancy pitcher. Make sure to add some of the pickle and olive brine. This is key. Save the pickles and olives for garnish. Also, taste it. I cannot guarantee this won’t burn your mouth off unless you use your judgement and taste it as you go. What do I look like, a scientist? Figure it out, genius.

5. Put that shit in the fridge while you cook your bacon in the oven on a layer of tin foil. I said to use thick cut bacon, which is actually pretty important, but my fancy grocery store was out of the thick stuff, so I made due with the floppy kind.

6. Okay, this is almost too many steps. How soon before we get to drink some damn vodka? Patience, grasshopper. We are nearly there. Get yourself a cute little mason jar and fill it with ice. Fill her halfway up with vodka (!). Fill her the rest of the way up with Bloody Mary mix. Stick some pickles and olives in there. Do you have celery? Throw a stick of celery in there for good measure. AND BACON. PUT THE BACON IN THE BLOODY MARY (Whaaaaaat? I know. You’re welcome).

7. Step 1 of Step 7 is eat the bacon first. Partially because, duh, but also because bacon gets a little funky when it’s over-saturated with vodka and hot sauce. The bacon is mostly so your friends at brunch are like “Holy crap. Is there bacon in this bloody mary? Let’s get gay married.” Step 2 of Step 7 is to consume the Bloody Mary. Have as many as you like. Have too many. This is brunch, after all. Don’t forget to eat. I know your bloody mary is like a meal in a glass, but you’re gonna need at least one bite of those gluten-free pancakes.

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