Last night Marlene King, Gamemaker and Taskmaster of the Rosewood Hunger Games, called a mandatory ceasefire to allow our favorite tributes the chance to clean up, check in with their loyal fans, and pay their respects to the contestants who have fallen on their journey to finish “senior year.” The tributes from District That One Street— Spencer Hastings (“the smart one”), Hanna Marin (“the fun one”), Emily Fields (“the lesbian one”), Alison DiLaurentis (“the I don’t need your labels to have sex with Emily Fields one”), and Aria Montgomery (“the earrings one”) — spoke from the Capitol about their scariest moments in the arena, the things they love about murder, and how they find time to canoodle even though their lives are in constant peril.
The Fallen Tributes
Many men have been murdered in the Rosewood Hunger Games, a thing some would call “fair” and “righteous” due to their creeping, peeping, molesting ways.
Ian Thomas from District Barn was remembered for chopping vegetables creepily and impregnating Melissa Hastings with a demon fetus. He died by getting hanged in the belfry of a church. Garrett Reynolds from District Police Department was killed and stuffed in a box and thrown from the Nightmare Express Halloween Train after agreeing to blow the whistle on the N.A.T. Club’s voyeurism ring. Detective Wilden, also from District Police Department, was stuffed merrily into the trunk of his own squad car after a series of events that started with him forcing Ashley Marin into prostitution and ended with Hanna reminding us that sometimes you must be the one to poke the bear. Lyndon James from District Dudebro received a fatal stab from his own pocket knife at the hands of Emily Fields high atop a lighthouse after stalking and murdering one of her girlfriends and kidnapping the other one.
No moments of silence were necessary for these assholes.
Mona Vanderwaal of District Vanderjesus, Shana Fring of District Costumeshop, Maya St. Germain of District Youth Fountain, and Jessica DiLaurentis from Out of Town were also honored as fallen tributes. Kind of. Shana Fring has possibly returned to life as a zombie (witnessed by Aria Montgomery). And Jessica DiLaurentis — who, according to the drawings of a teenage asylum patient, was eaten alive by Godzilla — wasn’t exactly honored on account of she buried her own daughter alive in her backyard. Maya St. Germain, however, was honored and is still mourned to this day. Having once escaped the clutches of a patriarchy-pushing, wild-eyed Pam Fields, no one thought Maya would meet her maker at the hands of her fake cousin. Alas.
Mona Vanderwaal also was honored seven times to celebrate the seven incarnations of her perfection. Nerdy Mona who sang in church in pigtails. Madhouse Mona who reminded Aria that She Is a Killer Not Ezra’s Wife. Mostly Gay Mona who held hands with Hanna Marin and repeatedly bemoaned the fact that they weren’t kissing. Nurse Mona who wrote prescriptions for poison sports cream. Indestructible Mona who fell off a cliff and walked away with nary a scratch. Glamping Mona who threw a high fashion rager in the woods. Adrenalized Hyperreality Mona who would like you to fucking deal with it. And doll Mona who was a doll that looked like Mona but was still more effective than you or I will ever be.
RIP. Prayer Circle. Masked Meditation.
Pants Parties in the Arena
The Pretty Little Tributes took a moment to remember the men and women who got into their pants during their downtime between being chased, run over, run under, arrested, stalked, filmed, drowned, framed, caught in bear traps, fed into wood chippers, sawed in half, trolled by parrots, interrogated, drugged, drilled on, and gifted corsets and jewelry made of their dead best friends’ doppelganger’s bones and teeth.
Hanna reflected fondly on Caleb, the hobo with a heart of gold who once kind of broke up with her to go investigate the mystery of his perpetual death in a town shrouded by Instagram filters.
Spencer swooned over Toby, a millionaire teenage handyman with abs that look painted on and a chin dimple you just want to poke with such affection.
Aria looked back on the night she found out her high school literature teacher knowingly seduced her at the age of 15 to launch full-scale surveillance war on her and her friends.
And Emily relived the time she spent smooching in a photo booth with Maya St. Germain, flirting adorably with Samara Cook, planning a future with Paige McCullers, and making out all night with Alison DiLaurentis. She has had the most love between murders, possibly because her face is heaven.
Much Axes, Many Near Deaths
The Tributes from That One Street each shared their scariest moment in the arena so far.
Spencer Hastings was most scared when running from Mona’s car, which is incorrect. The scariest thing she experienced was realizing she was dumb enough to apply to an Ivy League university by giving her application to a 20-year-old boutique owner in the woods in the middle of the night.
Hanna was most scared when she was trapped in a room full of mannequins, which, again, is incorrect, since it has been proven that mannequins are not to be feared but are instead to be wielded as weapons against serpents.
Emily is never scared because her bloodlust requires her to sacrifice one straight man by the light of each harvest moon. Also a car smashed into her living room and every woman she has ever loved has been dead for at least a little while. What does she have to lose at this point?
Ali’s scariest moment was when her own mother stuffed her in the ground in the backyard.
Aria’s scariest moment was her own face on that ski lift.
All I Want for Christmas is Boobs
The Rosewood Hunger Games will return on December 9 to destroy the life of someone you love just in time for Christmas. Also, Paige “Everybody Wants More Scenes With Me” McCullers is going to break out some Santa boxers apparently, so fa la la la bow chicka la la!
Gives a whole new meaning to a guy in a red coat who sees you when you’re sleeping, huh?
I started recapping Pretty Little Liars on AfterEllen a million senior years ago when the pilot episode aired. The show was so insane-amazing I asked my friends to live-tweet with me using the hashtag #BooRadleyVanCullen. (I don’t know. I was young and dumb and Twitter had just been invented.)
Anyway, here we are six years later and our community has become one of the best parts of the show, just a whole gaggle of queer women making jokes and shouting and swooning together. The writers, actors, and directors get involved with us too. So, if you’re a long time #BooRadleyVanCullen-er, hi! And if you’re brand new to the fold, welcome! I would love it so much if you would tweet with us.
The end of the series had better not reveal that this whole show happened within a snowglobe. #BooRadleyVanCullen
— The first ponytail (@HeatherBlakely) October 22, 2014
Main takeaways: Shay and Ashley are in love. Paige will be in Santa boxers. #BooRadleyVanCullen — Foxy Cleopatra (@njnic23) October 22, 2014
Did Ashley benson just say we’re gonna get a topless lindsey shaw in the Christmas episode? #BooRadleyVanCullen
— Caroline Dreams (@liltree) October 22, 2014
Friend: remember Emily’s cry when Maya dies?! Me: you mean the Emmy snub? #BooRadleyVanCullen @shaymitch #PLL @DaniEsho — Nahrain Elia (@NahrainElia) October 22, 2014
My take away from the #PLLHalloweenSpecial I don’t know what I’m going to do without these characters. #BooRadleyVanCullen
— Elizabeth D-V (@324_B21) October 22, 2014
Really hoped we’d find out where Pepe the dog and Tippy went. No dice. #BooRadleyVanCullen #PLLHalloweenSpecial — Valerie Alexander (@Vaxder) October 22, 2014
Paige and Emily waltzing. WALTZING! This is NOT A DRILL, people! #BooRadleyVanCullen #PLLHalloweenSpecial #Paily #PLLChristmas
— Jo Siebeck (@jsiebeck) October 22, 2014
Four years shooting a show set in Pennsylvania and we FINALLY see snow! #booradleyvancullen — Mona’s Hoodie (@gatecrewgirl) October 22, 2014
Garrett give Caleb his hair back. #BooRadleyVanCullen #WeLoveYouToDeAth #PLL
— Robin Pierce (@RobinP2) October 22, 2014
A-Camp Mona hoodies on Autostraddle? #BooRadleyVanCullen — Jane’s Really? Face (@iFlipForRizzles) October 22, 2014
Emily really is there for all the girls! Nice, double entendre #BooRadleyVanCullen
— Samantha J. Green (@SamanthaJGreen) October 22, 2014
Tippiiiii come backkkk! Why isn’t he being interviewed? #booradleyvancullen — Cesli (@cesli) October 22, 2014
I can’t really be snarky watching this. The production designers are awesome. Now I have to look for As everywhere #BooRadleyVanCullen
— Karloween! (@karlyko) October 22, 2014
EVERYONE WORK WITH PAIGE EVERYONE GETS A PAIGE PAIGE FOR ALL #BooRadleyVanCullen — Ariana’s Ponytail (@NayaCutYoNails) October 22, 2014
“To making it to senior year!” <— Four years ago. #BooRadleyVanCullen
— Tammy (@tylynn_sings) October 22, 2014
All I want to know is, are the baked goods real? #PLLHalloweenSpecial #props #BooRadleyVanCullen — Dana Piccoli (@DanaPiccoli) October 22, 2014
I’m pretty sure if Paige ends up being bad I wouldn’t be able to eat or go to work or leave the house. #PLL #BooRadleyVanCullen
— Harley (@HarHar91) October 22, 2014
I can’t decide if these fan reaction videos make me feel better or worse about my real life flailing… #WeLoveYouToDeAth #BooRadleyVanCullen — Foxy Cleopatra (@njnic23) October 22, 2014
If it’s a Romeo and Juliet story you two should both be dead by now. #PLLHalloweenSpecial #BooRadleyVanCullen
— Sam and Brooke (@anh62950) October 22, 2014
Just like old times! It’s #BooRadleyVanCullen time! #PLLHalloween — Mona Lisa Vanderwaal (@peachesTECH) October 22, 2014
Emily gets the most relationships because she is the hottest. Also bc it rains lesbians in Rosewood #BooRadleyVanCullen
— t rex (@bandyabout7) October 22, 2014
Hanna’s looking for Tippi during #PLLChristmas! #BooRadleyVanCullen pic.twitter.com/Xw7fZzXXlM — Big A (@PLLbigA) October 22, 2014
Love Shay, killing a guy would “probably” be one of Emily’s scariest moments. Probably…this show…lol #booradleyvancullen
— Last Carrot Stick (@nerdgirlwalking) October 22, 2014
They just had to bring up Ravenswood. This is why we can’t have nice things. #BooRadleyVanCullen — whitney (@its_whitney) October 22, 2014
“What’s it like working with all those hunky guys?” Shay: *cuddles Ashley* “I wouldn’t know.
— Duck in Tux (@editorjenn) October 22, 2014
I am so glad to be recapping Pretty Little Liars here on Autostraddle!
An enormous thank you to to Nicole (@PLLBigA) for being the best screencapping partner in the whole world!
HEATHER????? What… Why…. Wow…. *eyes blinking wide and impulsively* Let me just wash off my very heated keyboard fingers.
I deleted my first comment because i asked why and i think it’s obvious why and I’M HAVING AN OMG MOMENT! I really need to process my feelings.
Heather hogan is in autostraddle. Heather hogan is a senior editor for autostradle. Heather hogan is working at autostraddle.
Well, reading this in my office this morning was a mistake, because I could’t laugh out loud like I wanted to! I love your PLL world, Heather. Great job, thanks for writing this.
I’ve been thinking. Do you think INTJs are more likely to win the Hunger Games than all other MBTI personality types combined?
Ooooooh. Such a good question! Well, they certainly have some advantages that other types wouldn’t have. Extreme logical thinking, and the ability to execute plans without worrying about feelings. ENTJs, like Ms. Spencer Hastings, would also be well equipped, but the INTJ would feel better about working alone, whereas you know Spencer would want to lead an army of tributes.
Spencer vs. Ali in the Hunger Games would be the most brutal/fascinating competition of ALL TIME.
Hilarious as always, Heather! I’m still miffed Lindsey wasn’t invited to this special but what kind of made up for was Troian and Ashley wanting to do more scenes with her and Ashley mentioning that Paige will be in Santa boxers. Bless you, Ashley Benson. And to Shay, Ashley is doing it better than you and it’s supposed to be your job *stares pointedly*.
Can we just talk about how the Prop Master and Production Designer are just the bestest? I think that was my very favorite bit besides Shay and Ashley being bored with the hot guys and everybody wanting scenes with Lindsey. The attention to detail that they show just makes me want to hug this show so hard. Also now I’ll be looking for A’s everywhere. Yay for #booradleyvancullen on Autostraddle! Yay for Emily’s Boobs Love(s) Christmas! Yay for Heather writing about the best thing on the internet!
But for real, what are we going to talk about when this show is over? Maybe Troian will start a production company which will make thought-provoking dramas featuring strong female characters. One can dream…
I love PLL recap day even more than PLL day. And this one was a doozy. I believe full-on snorts emanated from my nose and full on tears of laughter from my eyes.
I can’t believe how much I’ve missed BRVCing with you ladies. So happy to have it back, even if just for the night. And thanks, as always, Heather Anne, for your perfect recaps.
I didn’t realize how much I missed you all until last night. Seriously, BRVC shot glasses or beer glasses or something.
Seriously again I will buy these. Like a #booradleyvancullen, hogan recap versiin. I’ll buy a set of ten:
3. Out of town
7. Mask of a mask of a mask of a mask
8. Beautiful Toyota
9. Paper bag faces
10. “BITCH CAN SEE”
Oh how I live for your PLL recaps, Heather! And the booradleyvancullen tweets are on point as usual. I hope when the season starts again they continue to be hilarious and rather lengthy lol. I had to create an account on this website so I can be sure to show my love every week!
So glad you’re here recapping! And screencapping fun tweets!
I cracked up the most at that R&J tweet considering how much I rolled my eyes when Lucy Hale said it last night. Romeo and Juliet’s couple days of dating wasn’t a felony, but they were also massive idiots who both died as a result. What a love story!
– Not enough Mona.
– Where’s Lindsey Shaw? They have Toby, Ezra, and Caleb, but no Paige? That’s the suck.
Heather. Autostraddle. YASSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! *dancing in living room*
on the previews shown on youtube, the heteros get to show some serious skin in their scenes and we get some earnest hand holding,………seriously,….SERIOUSLY, emily has been setting our loins,,,,tv on fire for years! why can’t emily and paige (emily with anyone really) be treated as horny teenagers like the rest of the cast?
Really, Heather, I am so thrilled that you’re here! SO. GOOD. AT. RECAPS.
Heather!! Thank god!! I was starting to have serious withdrawals and couldn’t work out where you’d gone. So many feels to process.
I created an AS account so that I can share the love. :)