Also.Also.Also: Demi Lovato Is Using She/Her Pronouns Again, Talks About Being “Such a Fluid Person”

Feature image of Demi Lovato by RB/Bauer-Griffin/GC Images

Ok so last Thursday I talked about having a good day! So today I want to be honest and say I’m battling a small anxiety attack for no good reason at all. Life has ups and downs.

Let’s see what’s up today, shall we?


Queer as in F*ck You

Demi Lovato Explains Why She’s Using She/Her Pronouns Again. Pronouns change, people change and that is great, however it comes to us! Demi Lovato is here with your daily reminder of that gender is a journey, not a destination. She will be using she/her pronouns again, in addition to they/them pronouns.

According to Demi, last year when they first came out as nonbinary, “my energy was balanced in my masculine and feminine energy so that when I was faced with the choice of walking into a bathroom and it said ‘women’ and ‘men,’ I didn’t feel like there was a bathroom for me… because I didn’t feel necessarily like a woman. I didn’t feel like a man. I just felt like a human.” But as she said on the latest episode of Sounder’s “Spout” podcast, these days she’s been vibing and “feeling more feminine” — hence the updated pronouns. You can check out the entire podcast episode below:

Florida Families and Advocacy Groups File Lawsuit Over ‘Don’t Say Gay’ Law, and while we’re here! Say More Than Gay: How LGBTQ-Inclusive Education Can Save Lives


Saw This, Thought of You

The use of gifs to show ASL in here is really dope. How Sign Language Evolves as Our World Does

My Tinder Decade, “How did a dating app become my longest running relationship?” by Allison P. Davis for The Cut (also an excellent use of gifs here! Is this a trend?)

“It was in piecing together the details of her short life that he resurrected her.” Just gorgeous, gorgeous writing in this book review. His Mother’s Life Was a Mystery He Needed to Solve

Beyoncé Is in Her Capital-F Fashion Era

A Guide To Plus-Size Brands & Retailers That Do It Right (do it “right” is clearly subjective, but this also gives me a chance to plug Dani‘s recent fashion list! Hot Like Summer: A Lingerie Shopping Guide for Fat Femmes)

How To Be A Good Kisser: The Complete Guide


Political Snacks

It’s Time to End My Grandfather’s Harmful Legacy — the Helms Amendment. “Biden already has the authority to roll back draconian abortion restrictions.” By Ellen Gaddy for Politico.

And related to that, The Abortion Clinic on the Run


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Carmen Phillips

Carmen is Autostraddle's Editor-in-Chief and a Black Puerto Rican femme/inist writer. She claims many past homes, but left the largest parts of her heart in Detroit, Brooklyn, and Buffalo, NY. There were several years in her early 20s when she earnestly slept with a copy of James Baldwin’s “Fire Next Time” under her pillow. You can find her on twitter, @carmencitaloves.

Carmen has written 478 articles for us.

16 Comments

  1. loved the ASL article! hard agree that the gif integration was really well done. i also loved how many examples of the fluidity of signs were given- “my grandfather signs ice cream as though he’s eating from a bowl because when he grew up he couldn’t afford cones” is a fascinating microhistory.

    side note i have a student who’s deaf and she signs dog by snapping after smacking her leg and gives me shit for not being able to snap. kids!

    • I’m a very casual ASL hobbyist but it seems like the modern internet has a lot of potential as a teaching tool. I’ve deleted almost all my social media except Insta because reels are incredibly helpful for immersive ASL learning. Lots of the Deaf community signs so fast, repetition is key!

  2. Is it weird that I’m happy to see Demi continue on this whole journey and be open about it? There’s always this idea that trans people are pushing everyone to make big scary permanent decisions about their bodies and if anyone goes back on an element of their trans identity then the community will ostracise them and like…this just isn’t true? Demi is sharing this journey with us and most of us are just like, good for her, now stop pushing weird harmful new age-y stuff.

    A thing I’ve liked in terms of LGBTQ+ activism in recent years is an emphasis on giving people the safety and freedom to figure things out, even if it means at the end of it that a person changes labels or whatever. Demi is figuring themselves out and sharing the process with us and that’s cool!

    • Agreed! As someone who uses they/them pronouns at the mo, who would like to use she/they but noticed that it was literally just ‘she’ forever, this makes me feel comfortable. I admire Demi for being so open.

  3. A couple years ago, I went back to using she/her pronouns after switching to they/them because I kept feeling pressure to act more stereotypically androgynous than I wanted to. I felt like if I was asking people to take this seriously, then I had to prove that I myself was taking this seriously. It seemed like this completely doomed endeavor. I wouldn’t have to prove anything if I stopped rocking the boat and let my genderlessness be more of an internal thing than something that informed how I wanted to treat me, so yeah, I kinda gave up. I didn’t see it as giving up at the time, more like trying to free myself from this impossible goal, but that wasn’t really what happened.

    It was not a good decision for me, or it might have been a good decision for a couple weeks but I did it for a couple years and it didn’t take long for me to hate it. I wanted to go back, but it felt like I needed someone else to tell me I could because I didn’t want to be one of those annoying people who kept asking for different things. I don’t know if this is going to be helpful but if anyone else here is having the experience where they regret going back to using she/her pronouns but feel stuck, this is your sign to suck it up and do literally anything else. Your friends will probably not be shitty and wasting time trying to pretend to be something you’re not isn’t harmless.

    Not everyone is me and Lovato is probably one of those people who’s happiest switching up her pronouns depending on how they’ve been feeling lately, but I don’t know, I think I just wanted to point out that this looks similar to how someone trying to be less of a freak can look sometimes, too.

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