How to Bring Butt Plugs Into Your Lesbian Sex Life

Regardless of gender and sexuality, everybody’s got a butt. If you’ve never put something inside of yours, it can feel intimidating to try it for the first time — which is why today we’re talking about butt plugs.

If you have a vagina, butt plugs can hit your g-spot from a whole new angle. If you have a prostate, butt plugs, especially those with curves, can make it feel amazing. And regardless of your genitals, assholes have a concentrated collection of nerve endings that can feel great if you fuck with them in all the right ways. Whether you want to masturbate in a new way or switch up your lesbian sex, here’s how to use a butt plug for the first time.

Choose The Butt Plug That’s Right For You

Butt plugs are exactly what they sound like: plug-shaped anal toys. Look for a butt plug with a base (sometimes called a flange or flare) that’s at least one inch wider than the widest insertable part of the plug. Your asshole is a swirling vortex that wants to suck up anything it can, so there’s safety in size. If you have a plug you’re obsessed with but it doesn’t have a big enough flange, pair it with a stabilizer ring for security and peace of mind.

Next, look at the materials. Medical-grade silicone, stainless steel, and glass are all body safe, sexy, and easy to sterilize.

Finally, look at the shape and size. If you have a vagina, a butt plug will stimulate the wall between your anal canal and vagina whether it’s curved or straight, and regardless of length. If you have a prostate, a butt plug that’s a little longer and has a curve will target it better than a shorter, straighter butt plug. But(t) in either case, the size and shape should be what you’re comfortable with. If you want something huge because you generally like four fingers up there and know you can take it, go for it! If you’re intimidated by the size and curves of all but the tiniest, cutest butt plug, go for that one! You have more nerves in your sphincters than you do in your anal canal, so shorter doesn’t have to mean less intense. And remember: The very best butt plug for you will be one you feel good about, have a connection with, and actually use.

1. Fun Factory Bootie (starts at $35) 2. Njoy Pure Plug (starts at $70) 3. We-Vibe Ditto ($130)

If you’re looking for the gold standard of beginner butt plugs, the Fun Factory Bootie is a perfect option. It’s smooth medical-grade silicone, a little soft and flexible, and comes in one of three sizes or as a set. The Njoy Pure Plug is cool stainless steel, surprisingly weighty, and very sexy. According to one anonymous reviewer, “If you’re someone who is turned on by sensation of soft, heavy smooth surfaces across any part of your body you’re going to be turned on by the Njoy Pure Plug.” And for a vibrating butt plug, the We-Vibe Ditto is mid-sized with a shockingly rumbly remote-controlled motor wrapped in matte, flexible medical-grade silicone.

For something a little different, try these: The Mood Naughty 3 Butt Plug has three ridges to make insertion more interesting. The Broad City Ass of an Angel Silicone Butt Plug is silicone and such a good color combo. The Fun Factory B Balls are even more ridged and feature two rumbly balls — basically the hotter, younger kegel balls of ass play. (If you’re intrigued by the idea of slowly slipping balls into your butt, anal beads like the Fifty Shades Anal Beads have even more texture. Make sure to keep your finger through the ring during use for safety.) The PicoBong Remoji Surfer Plug vibrates, including along to some music. And We-Vibe Pleasure Mates combines a powerful Tango vibrator, a toy for vaginal penetration, and a butt plug into one killer set.

Butt Plugs Eat Lube, So Stock Up

Unlike vaginas or mouths, assholes are not self-lubricating. To treat them right and avoid microtears, which are exactly what they sound like and even more awful, you’ll need a lot of lube. The house favorite is Sliquid Sassy, a thick water-based lube engineered for ass play. If you aren’t using a silicone toy, and if safer-sex barriers aren’t a concern, silicone lube can last longer and feel smoother. If that’s you, try Uberlube, which is also a weirdly good styling product, or Sliquid Silver. You won’t use the whole bottle (probably?!?) but make sure you have enough on hand to generously reapply whenever you need it.

Jump In The Shower Together

If you’ve never done butt stuff before, it’s easy to get caught up in your head with the idea that butts are inherently dirty because they’re where poop comes from and what kind of weirdo are you that you want to put something up there recreationally when it’s so taboo and you are not even a medical doctor — but unless thinking like that turns you on like you would not believe, let it go. Don’t worry about it. It’s fake news. Shower a little to get clean, sure, but a lot to chill out.

If you’re worried about poop, trying a butt plug for the first time in the shower can help remove that mental barrier and help you relax, because even if “the worst” happens you’re already somewhere you can deal with it. If you’re not worried about poop but are worried about using this new butt plug because it’s a little bigger than you thought or you were into it when you impulse-purchased it the other day but you’re not so sure about it now but still committed to the cause, showering can help you relax, which will make the plug easier to insert. (If you do try a butt plug in the shower, remember that water washes away lube, so you’ll need even more of it.)

Bond With Your Butt Plug

If you’re used to putting things up your vagina but not used to putting things up your butt, putting a new butt plug in your vagina first can help you get a sense of how big it is and what it feels like. (Just remember that toys can go from your vagina to your butt, but not from your butt to your vagina.) If you don’t have a vagina or don’t like it penetrated, let the butt plug hang out a little while you masturbate or watch porn or otherwise warm up. If it vibrates, you can try using it like an external vibrator. If it’s stainless steel or otherwise retains temperature, you can run it under warm or cool water for a few minutes and use it for external temperature play. Whatever your approach, get used to having it around conceptually.

Warm Up In Ways That Don’t Involve Your Butt

Great butt sex is made, not born. If you’re alone — and for your first butt plug experience I recommend being alone, inasmuch as anyone is ever alone with a butt plug — masturbate in other ways first. If you’re having partner sex, do your usual foreplay and even have sex a few other ways first. Get turned on. Get relaxed. Orgasm once or twice if you feel like having an orgasm. Want it.

Warm Up In Ways That Do Involve Your Butt

Much like fucking with a strap-on, you can’t comfortably go from zero to one hundred with a butt plug and expect to have a good time. If your butt plug is a little bigger or made of a less flexible material, start with a lubed-up finger or two. Once you’re ready, let the butt plug hang out against your anus while you masturbate another way. (If it has a curve, the end of the curve should point towards your stomach.) As you relax further and take deep breaths, you should be able to bear down and get it in with minimal pressure — far enough that, at a certain point, your ass will take over and swallow it up to the flange. Ass play can sometimes feel uncomfortable, but it should never hurt — if you experience pain, slow down, use more lube, or try something else and come back to it.

If you settle in with a butt plug and the attitude that it’s going to fit in your butt no matter what, it probably won’t fit, and also might be uncomfortable, and also might mean you miss out on the journey on the way or something. Instead, focus on the sensations and try to be present, no matter how much or little of the thing is in your butt.

What To Do Once A Butt Plug Is In Your Butt

A plug is different than other penetrative toys: it’s more about sensation than about the idea of fucking. Try squeezing and relaxing around it, wiggling it with gentle, small motions, or holding a vibrator to the base.

You can do pretty much anything with a butt plug in your butt. You can masturbate. You can receive vaginal penetration if you have a vagina and are into that. If your plug has a longer, thinner base and nestles comfortably between your butt cheeks, you can use a strap-on harness, or put on your regular underwear and parade about the house. You can give or receive oral. You can spank someone. You can get spanked. You can follow all your dreams.

How To Remove A Butt Plug

Removing a butt plug feels like taking the most satisfying and most awkward shit of your life, simultaneously. And like taking a shit, it’s easier if you’re relaxed. This is more likely if you’ve had an orgasm, but whether you have or haven’t, take deep breaths. If it feels “stuck,” breathe even more deeply, bear down, and slide it out.

Afterwards, make sure to wash your butt plug (and your hands!) in antimicrobial soap and hot water.


Lesbian Sex 101 is Autostraddle’s series on how to have lesbian sex for queer women and anyone who finds this information applicable to their bodies or sexual activities.

Sex ed almost never includes queer women or our experiences, so we’re exploring pleasure, safety, relationships and more to make that information more accessible. A lot of the language in these posts is intended to make them easy to find on search engines.

Some of the body parts we talk about will be yours or your partners’ and some won’t. Some of the pronouns will be yours or your partners’ and some won’t. Some of the sexualities will be yours or your partners’ and some won’t. Some of the language will be yours or your partners’ and some won’t. Take what you want and what applies to you or what you can make apply to you and your partners and your experiences, and leave the rest!

Carolyn Yates is the NSFW Consultant, and was formerly the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor, for Autostraddle.com. Her writing has appeared in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, Xtra!, Jezebel, and elsewhere. She recently moved to Los Angeles from Montreal. Find her on twitter.

Carolyn has written 939 articles for us.

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