BREAKING: Ellen Page Affectionately Visits Whole Foods With Female Companion

Once again, our favorite and most reliable news publication, The Daily Mail, has released a desperately important story regarding the romantic activities of a female celebrity. In this case, the lady in question is Our Lady Of The Moment, Ellen Page. Page was spotted in New York City yesterday holding hands with a “mystery blonde.” If you want to see the photos you should go to The Daily Mail because we just got in trouble for posting them here. Which is too bad because our captions were funnier than theirs. (ETA: you can also see the pictures here if you would like to avoid supporting The Daily Fail.)

“Ellen Page got affectionate in Manhattan’s Nolita neighbourhood Sunday with her first girlfriend since making the milestone,” writes The Daily Mail. “The 27-year-old Oscar nominee wrapped her arms around the taller mystery blonde, who was equally handsy with her.” Regarding whether or not these embraces were truly reflective of an actual relationship, Lesbian Affection Expert Laneia Nicole told me via skype chat, “i don’t think you walk like this w/ people who are not your gf.”

Activities participated in by the happy maybe-couple included lunch at Cafe Habana, visiting McNally Jackson Books, and shopping at Whole Foods. “lunch, bookstore, whole foods?” skype-chatted Whole Foods Expert Laneia Nicole. “this is like lesbian 101 here. but I think this reporter is mistaken, in that it was probs brunch and not lunch.”

This past week has been filled with quite a few momentous occasions for Ellen Page. Last week, she told Seth Meyers that she, like so many other young lezzers, has a big fat lesbian crush on Rachel Maddow.

http://youtu.be/4Tb2ujK2scU

She also participated in a truly excellent interview and photoshoot with The Hollywood Reporterin which she discussed the coming out process, her struggles with depression, and her working relationship with her manager, 47-year-old power lesbian Kelly Bush, and also basically her entire life.

hollywood-reporter

I’m so sick of everyone assuming that just ’cause I’m a tiny person I want all of my beverages in tiny cups

She also appeared on The Colbert Report last week, where she bravely came out as a Canadian.

Furthermore, Ellen Page attended the New York City premiere of X-Men: Days Of Future Past, which has the word “men” in the title, but also the word “future,” so I might go see it. Ellen Page plays Kitty Pryde, a name which is just about as gay as it gets. Here she is with Hugh Jackman, who plays Wolverine (I know that because I’ve seen most of the X-Men movies and was just kidding about only maybe seeing it):

Can I pick you up? Just a little bit? I promise it won't be weird!

Can I pick you up? Just a little bit? I promise it won’t be weird! YOU’RE JUST SO TINY!

In other news, Ellen Page has not yet responded to Sissy Spacek Scholar Laneia Watson’s request to co-author a Sissy Spacek fanzine.

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Riese

Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3181 articles for us.

48 Comments

  1. THAT IS THE SAME WHOLE FOODS WHERE I SAW KATE MOENNIG THAT ONE TIME

    THAT WHOLE FOODS IS A LESBIAN UTOPIA

    • True story, once I saw Ellen Page at Planet Organic in Halifax and I so eloquently blurted out “You look like Ellen Page!”, to which she responded, “that’s because I am Ellen Page”.

      So.

  2. Oh my god, tell me you just created the category “vapid fluff” now.

    *checks to see if any other articles have been posted in it*

    YOU DID! 4 for you, Autostraddle. :)

  3. That Colbert interview was so charming!

    I feel super conflicted about this X-Men movie now in light of the horrific allegations placed against Bryan Singer. I hope Ellen won’t take it personally when I download the movie illegally later…

  4. “Lesbian Affection Expert Laneia Nicole” :)

    And also “vapid fluff”

    This is why (amongst the many many other reasons) why I <3 you AS.

  5. God those suit jackets.

    I agree with the Lesbian Affection Whole Foods Sissy Spacek Expert Scholar’s opinion that you don’t walk like that with people who are not your gf. Because you definitely don’t.

  6. ‘Vapid fluff’ awesome work!
    I may have to investigate a ‘whole foods’ in Australia, all organics right?

  7. i love her blazers. the blue one and the black one with the cute white buttons. anyone know where i can get one? we need an article just on her blazers!!

  8. “Lesbian Affection Expert” that made me laugh way too hard.

    Also, I’m not jealous. Not jealous at all….

  9. before I even read this I want to thank you for tagging it “vapid fluff” so that I know it’s NOT GOING TO PROVIDE ME WITH THE INTENSE DOUR FEMINISM I NEED TO KEEP LIVING.

    Could this piece of VAPID FLUFF possibly fund a deep, incisive takedown of the lesbian bourgeoisie and what is whole foods REALLY? thanks autostraddle.

    • having read this vapid fluff, I think you have to remove the tag because the whole idea of a sissy spacek fanzine is giving me way too many ideas.

    • AS could invite Diana Clarke to head the INTENSE DOUR DIFFICULT EXISTENTIALIST HETEROSEXIST PRIVELEGE 24/7 SERIOUS FEMINIST and QUEERS MUST BE BEATEN DOWN AND STRUGGLING,ALWAYS STRUGGLING,TO BE LEGITIMATE, also UNREALISTIC ACADEMIC COMMUNICATION FEMINISM IS COMPULSORY BECAUSE REAL COMMUNICATION IS GLIB AND UNMEANINGFUL AND IS BOURGEOIS as an ongoing column. Who would slit their wrists first or go and rock endlessly drooling in corner, muttering “I’m ok, I’m ok”. Bonus points to those who SURVIVE LONGEST without death.

  10. ALSO FROM THAT DAILY MAIL ARTICLE:
    “Ellen and Evan Rachel Wood will soon play sisters in a remote forest who make an apocalyptic discovery for the sci-fi drama Into the Forest.”

    that situation will require at least 3 separate articles of “vapid fluff”

  11. Vapid Fluff is my favorite new tag for articles. Also I could have sworn she said she was single last like week…guess I should shelve the half baked idea to move to California.

  12. I appreciate this vapid fluff, also I am sad to be deprived of your brilliant captions.

  13. Somehow whenever I have a huge stress week/deadlines/work-mares you post a wonderful Ellen Page based piece which keeps me going. Hooray for vapid fluff, and thank you for your continued dedication to providing it to those who need it.

  14. I lovingly demand to see a sampling of your fabulously-written missing captions, Riese! This article and every other article ever is incomplete without them.

  15. I am reading this article and petting my kittycat (not a euphemism) while eating breakfast. I can’t INTENSE DOUR FEMINISM before 9am so cheers lads. It allows me to commit more fully to not smiling or thinking a single non-academic thought for the 12 hour Feminist Workday.

  16. Is it okay to LOVE Vapid Fluff but detest the Daily Mail with a passion? Great thanks.

    Also, the extremely brilliant Vagenda mag did a cool thing recently on Twitter getting readers to send in reworkings of DM (and others) sexist headlines here. Some gems.

    • I was extolling the virtues of this the other day. Hilarious. The Taylor Swift one is brilliant!

    • Please avoid linking to the Daily Mail and giving them ad revenue as much as possible, they encourage racist and xenophobic hate crimes and have been doing it for years, everything associated with them is really upsetting.

  17. I know y’all are desperate to see the pics but please don’t link to the Daily Mail! I’m sure they’ll appear soon on another source

  18. Expected this to be somewhat massively sarcastic. Was not disappointed.

    Petition for every AS user with a twitter account to RT that fanzine tweet? :p

  19. BACK UP, HOLD THE PHONE — Ellen Page is producing and starring in Into the Forest? One of my all time favorite books that nobody’s heard of? This is a totally rad, dark, feminist book, y’all. And Ellen Page not only has read it but is making it into a movie. This may be the rare film adaptation I’m excited about….

    • I just bought this on eBay. Synopsis sounds right up my street and I’m expecting it to be my new favourite, as soon as it arrives.

  20. From the Hollywood Reporter article:”Over the course of a wide-ranging two-hour conversation, Page gets fired up (about “binary gender systems,” as well as discussion of her producing her first film)” <3

  21. Oh my god. She is so cute. I just learned, right now, at this moment, that it’s actually my life goal to become Ellen Page.

  22. Everybody needs more Ellen Page in their life. Ever since she came out I’ve been monitoring the Daily Fail like a gay hawk.

  23. Last night I had a dream that Ellen Page came to my singing competition and was very disappointed when I woke up and it wasn’t real.

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