Also.Also.Also: I’ve Got a Joke About Lesbian Bed Death, and It Kills

I’m here! You are here! Sometimes I think, just the act of being here, that’s enough.

(Also I have almond croissants from the Trader Joe’s freezer section, if anyone’s hungry.)

Queer as in F*ck You

‘Our Sound Engineer Got a Death Threat’: How Lesbian Label Olivia Shook up Music

Texas’s Oldest Lesbian Bar Faces Its Latest Challenge: Surviving the Pandemic. Let’s go, Sue Ellen’s!

The Political Urgency Of Facial Feminization Surgery

1 in 4 LGBTQ Youths Use Nonbinary Pronouns, Survey Finds

I’d rather spend the rest of my precious life never speaking of She Who Must Not Be Named again, and I believe that discussing her only gives a wider platform to gain air for her hate, however I think it’s always important to remember the tied history of anti-trans bigotry and white supremacy, so here ya go: J.K. Rowling and the White Supremacist History of “Biological Sex”

Fucking Trans Women is such an incredible, foundational, and iconic resource. If you have any extra to spare towards Mira (or even just to amplify the message) — it would be great.

Um, Is Lesbian Bed Death A Real Thing? Sadly, yes. Yes it is. (Not speaking from personal experience or anything like that 😳)

Saw This, Thought of You

“Emergent strategy and pleasure activism really go together. Folks see all the ways that we normally experience and find pleasure and connection are not happening because of the pandemic. We are also being called into action, both online and in the streets. Being able to tune in and take action together is actually giving us a deep sense of connection, of being a part of something larger than ourselves. When you see people standing in their dignity it feels like a good touch, right? I want to keep feeling that. That feels and looks irresistible.”

Adrienne Maree Brown on making the revolution irresistible, by Christina Tapper for Zora.

On the Front Lines of the Portland Protests

This is definitely amazing, but also word to Brittany Packnett:

The Worst Answer to Climate Anxiety: It’s Wellness. Americans are exceptionally adept at prioritizing self-care over solidarity.

Haunted Housewife: The Horror — and the Humor — of Shirley Jackson by Trimble for Bitch Media

What Is ‘Challenge Accepted,’ Exactly? I have no idea but since it’s taken over all our Instagrams this week anyway, here’s a deep dive explainer. (Also, while we’re here, Hesitant to Post a Black-And-White Selfie on Instagram? Here’s What You Could Do Instead.)

Political Snacks

“While my time here has now come to an end, I want you to know that in the last days and hours of my life you inspired me. You filled me with hope about the next chapter of the great American story when you used your power to make a difference in our society. Millions of people motivated simply by human compassion laid down the burdens of division. Around the country and the world you set aside race, class, age, language and nationality to demand respect for human dignity.

That is why I had to visit Black Lives Matter Plaza in Washington, though I was admitted to the hospital the following day. I just had to see and feel it for myself that, after many years of silent witness, the truth is still marching on.”

John Lewis wrote this in his final days, and it was his request it be published today, on day of his Homegoing Service. If you’re only going to read one link from this roundup — please honor this great man, the greatest among many of us, and make it his words: Together, You Can Redeem the Soul of Our Nation.

May John Lewis Rest in Power, and may we continue to be his shining legacy.

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Carmen Phillips

Carmen is Autostraddle's Editor-in-Chief and a Black Puerto Rican femme/inist writer. She claims many past homes, but left the largest parts of her heart in Detroit, Brooklyn, and Buffalo, NY. There were several years in her early 20s when she earnestly slept with a copy of James Baldwin’s “Fire Next Time” under her pillow. You can find her on twitter, @carmencitaloves.

Carmen has written 715 articles for us.


  1. Well, that article about LBD is clearly poorly researched. “Just like jokes about the “urge to merge” aka moving in together after one date” WHAT?! This is U-Hauling, as even those from nations where U-Haul doesn’t operate know! The urge to merge, also known as Quinning (after Tegan and Sara) is where you unconsciously start to look the same, having got the same haircut, and started sharing clothes. My gf and I have to deconflict when we go out- this very weekend I have pre-warned her that I will be wearing a dark vest, so she can choose a light one to go with our identical shorts.

    • You are correct, though I wonder if it’s partly that they’re worried about catching flak for improper use of a trademarked brand name on their website or something

  2. Those frozen TJs almond croissants are the best?!!! I have, on occasion, completely gotten out of bed in the evening to defrost them for the next morning.

  3. Re: lesbian bed death

    I don’t doubt that this is a thing but it seems really overstated and overshadows ‘bed death’ as it is experienced by straight couples and gay men. (I’ve heard of quite a few longtime cis gay male couples who stop having sex with each other and seek it outside their relationships, but I never hear anyone identifying this as a trend.)

    The original lesbian bed death study was conducted with a small pool of respondents in urban areas at the height of political lesbianism. I wonder if the demographic of lesbian-identified women who didn’t actually enjoy sex with women skewed that data.

  4. this led me to reading John Lewis’s letter & watching the whole eulogy. Thank you Carmen!! It was really, really good for me. Really reminded me that voting and putting our bodies on the line are intertwined tactics. I stumbled across his book Walking with the Wind as a teenager, and I am so grateful for that. Highly recommend for any passersby in the comments (Hi:)).

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