A Tale of Two Bisexuals

Ttale-of-two-bisexualsHE WANTING-TO-DATE-GIRLS BISEXUAL: “The Frisky” is on a roll this week! First the scissoring girl and now good advice for a 25-year old bisexual who’s just left her male fiance and is nervous about revealing her dating history to all the judgey lesbians. Dear Wendy suggests: “If people are judging you or making you feel bad about yourself, move on to the next person!” She also adds that, “You don’t have to share every detail of your past relationship(s) (I wouldn’t recommend that at all), but doling out a few highlights … is how you build the blocks to a real relationship.” So there you go. Just be who you are and love yourself. Easy!

As a queer lady with a pretty serious history of serious and not-so-serious relationships with men, I testify that this advice-seeker’s fear is not unfounded. Well — I generally don’t/didn’t mind the scorn and teasing from my “Lesbian-Since-the-Sandbox” friends. I told myself that ’cause I’d been frolicking in semi-hysterical opportunity-rich heterosexual privilege for so many years while they’d been suffering in uber-emo alienation-rich homosexual under-privilege (this state of mind involves, we hear, fights with parents & fantasies about Dana Scully the Vampire Slayer or whatever), I could take the insults as payback for whatever hardships I’d consequentially evaded. But f*ck does it drive me crazy when my past-with-men becomes fair game for merciless critique & scorn from girls I date. Either show me The DeLorean or shut the frack up!  (@the frisky)

THE “POLYAMOROUS PUBLISHING PERSON”: New York Magazine’s Sex Diaries are kinda addictive and increasingly too good to be true, seriously. This week, PPP has a Boyfriend, another regular male lover, a Girl she Wants, and a bajillion orgasms! Also,  sometimes she says amazing things like, “Leave work early to go to Chad’s house. We fuck like our ship is going down.” (@nymag)

GENIUS GRANTS: It’s a fascinating smorgasboard of people who are doing things that are way cooler than the coolest thought you’ve ever had. “A papermaker dedicated to preserving traditional Western and Japanese techniques; a scientist developing theories of global climate change; and a journalist who helps uncover details of unsolved murders from the civil rights era are among the 24 recipients of the $500,000 MacArthur “genius awards.” (@nytimes)

NAVY GIRLS: Navy Women, Redefined: New Navy ads make questionable claims, draw on traits as “stereotypes”: “The notion of a “man’s work” is redefined in the Navy. Stereotypes are overridden by determination, by proven capabilities and by a shared appreciation for work that’s driven by hands-on skills and adrenaline.” (@sociological images)

KIDS THESE DAYS: Kirk Cameron gets it almost exactly wrong: “an entire generation [has been] brainwashed by Atheistic Evolution.

SEXY NURSES: Top Ten Sexiest Nurses: Includes Florence Nightingale and Daryl Hannah in Kill Bill. (@nerve)

ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLE HAIRCUT GALLERY: Girl-on-Gallery: Alternative Lifestyle Haircuts on Autostraddle dot commmm is hot, print them out and bring them to your alternative lifestyle haircutter.

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Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3213 articles for us.


  1. I may not be a fancy papyrus maker or whatever but I do make a mean origami monkey. And with 500,000 big ones, let’s just say there is more where that came from. I also may or may not be a scientist (although some refer to me as the Dr. of Love) developing theories of thunderbolts or whatever, but I do have a pretty wicked theory about how many skittles the human body can handle, which is practically the same thing. Thunder… rainbows… tomato tomato. And as far as that journalist goes who uncovers details of dead people… there are a lot of live lady people who 500,000 bucks would help me uncover. In conclusion, I think I have proven and it is totally obvious that I deserve all that money.

    • I read a teen novel version of “Growing Pains” that I found in my 3rd grade classroom where Kirk Cameron’s character lusted after a girl and then ‘took a cold shower’ and it blew my mind and was the first thing i ever read about sex, I read it 50 times. So really this is all his fault, his description of that girl he liked. So he has no-one else to blame but himself.

  2. PS Riese, I’m sorry the gay girls get you down. You know, your history with dudes and het privilege isn’t anything you should have to “pay” for; it’s not like gays don’t have het privilege before they come out, or that really femmy lesbians or “straight-acting” gay boys don’t still have it when they walk down the street. Hell, some of the gayest girls have MALE privilege. I do, sometimes. It’s complicated. Let’s all just hug.
    Also I’d like to say that dividing up the formerly-monstrous Daily Fix into three parts is genius because a) you don’t have to scramble all morning and b) I get to read something before noon.

  3. Kirk Cameron has just made my head explode. I can’t handle stuff like this… like, go read a fucking book Kirk. (And no, not The Bible. Something else for once.)

  4. THANK YOU the frisky. There should be a memo released to the entire queer lady world that says “if Kim Kardashian or whoever can make out with a girl and still be straight, I can date boys in college and still be queer.” That’s all and goodnight.

  5. Top 5 other people who I think should get genius grants:
    1. The inventor of the peanut butter/jelly combo jar to continue production of other lazy-friendly products
    2. Mariska Hargitay so that she can continue her production of supreme hotness
    3. The inventor of the thong, so that he can do for boobs what he did for the butt. Fo reals. Important work.
    4. The inventor of chocolate so they can keep making my head explode with succulent, ethereal, orgasm-inducing, taste bud overloading, sweetness.
    5. Team Autostraddle’s moms… duh so they can keep manufacturing genius babies in their super secret lab.

  6. i seriously hope kirk cameron’s people come to my school. i would just love to hear “an opposing and CORRECT view.”

  7. Good grief. I’m SO glad I didn’t join the Navy: “As a woman, you’ll find there’s ample time for all of that in the Navy. Time when you’re off-duty. Time for the everyday things and the ‘girly stuff.'” Girly stuff…like going to hockey games? Or getting intoxicated on a Tuesday night? (Dear Navy: I’ve been looking for a job for a year and a half now. Please let me write your advertisements. I do have a BA in English and am smart enough to know better than to write sh*t like that.)

    How seriously do they expect us to take them when they’re using fictional words like “Girly?”

  8. I totally identify with your writings on being bi and either side not accepting your sexuality or trying to take advantage of it. Either one leaving you feeling frustrated and alone in your sexual frustration. It’s easy to feel like its not fair. Especially when you can’t help who you fall in love with. And that should be a concept everyone should understand. Even if they don’t understand the intimacy part. :)

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