John: Could you imagine you and Dylan just got done cunnaling-ing together, you’re in bed, the California sun is basking on you. And then you turn to Dylan and you’re like, “We have to get up so we can go to Max’s Willy Wonka baby shower.” That’s the thing you interrupt with.
Riese: So then we cut to Dylan’s condo or wherever.
Carly: Wherever Dylan lives.
Shannon: Her corporate housing.
Riese: Yeah, her corporate — Dylan has her tea because she’s like, “I’m entertaining a British woman at 11:00 p.m.”
Carly: “So I must make tea!”
Shannon: “Crumpets and tea.”
Thomas: I remember hearing that there was a trans character named Max, and that he gave birth and that possibly he was inspired by my actions.
Riese: A hundred percent, he was inspired by you.
Carly: A thousand percent.
Riese: I guess if you marry Jodie Foster, you don’t have to do anything anymore.
Rhea: You don’t have to.
Carly: Nooooooo
Riese: I mean, you win!
Rhea: Yeah!
Riese: You win!
Rhea: I mean, you really do! That is it. That’s bingo, right there. “See you guys!”
Carly: You did it!
Rhea: “Later!!”
Carly: You did it.
Rhea: “I’m going to do my thing now. It’s only whatever I want, from here on out!”
Carly: I feel like if I confusedly kissed Jennifer Beals, I would also have to move away.
Christina: I would have to join WITSEC. I would be like, “Listen, get me on a USA cable drama because I got to go. I’m losing it.”
Carly: “I got to go. Give me a wacky sidekick, we can go fight crime together, or whatever. Maybe we’re lawyers. We’re going to wear suits and my name is not Carly anymore.”
Christina: “I can’t be Christina anymore because my mouth has been on Jennifer Beals’ mouth.”
“Womp, womp, womp. It’s the new Shane theme song. It used to be a gnarly guitar riff and now it’s a sad trombone.”
Talk about NOT ending with a bang. Really IFC, it’s one thing to weigh down your show’s sixth season with an endless parade of unnecessary melodramatic plot devices — a murder, a pregnant man, a stolen film, a botched adoption from homophobic out-of-towners, two out-of-the-blue love triangles — and quite another thing to, when the season ends, not even “use” these devices to infuse the series finale with aforementioned melodrama.
The L Word 608 Recap will drop soon. In the meantime in between time, catch our immediate reactions in our little 15-minute podcast starring Riese, Alex and Carlytron. We have a LOT of feelings about it, obvs. Who killed Jenny? You’ll have to listen and find out.
When in doubt, dance. Dance, I say! Dance! Dance all over the stage, change your clothes, tear up the floor, waltz and tango and skip and mambo your smokin’ hot bod down to the village square, hook up with the Pied Piper of WeHo and dance your way out of regularly scheduled programming into the idea well of death.
Episode 606 of The L Word, titled “Lactose Intolerant,” is the worst thing I’ve seen on television since Episode 604 of The L Word. Howevs; whereas 604 was calmly terrible — bumbling softly along its housework-heavy path of mediocrity — 606 was outrageously, actively, aggressively terrible.
Next time you move to LA to be with your swim coach boyfriend, uncover lifelong lesbian longings via a literary-minded French seductress, get caught by boyfriend, get married to boyfriend in Vegas, road-trip back home on ’shrooms, discover your French lover’s Sugar Mama’s back in town, break up with the boyf and the girlf, move into your ex-husband’s vacated home, get lady-lover Shane to move in and consequently…well, you know what comes next.
This L Word recap was originally published on Riese’s personal L Word recap blog in early 2009, before the Autostraddle YOU know and love got invented! It has been republished here for your viewing delight, but there may be messed up formatting and missing pictures. Remember last week when I said that I wanted 603 to […]
See the joy and the laughter! At “LMFAO”’s end, Tasha’s proud of Alice, Bette & Tina are in love 4evs, Kit & Helena have successfully turned Hit Club into “Casablanca meets Studio Fifty-Fouh” (that’s my best transliteration of Kit’s pronunciation of “4″), Shane & Jenny are in the giggly charged-up first moments of what they still believe is Real Love and everyone is dancing and/or laughing! AND SCENE!!
What’s happening this week on the l word? Jane Lynch is naked, Max is pregs, Dylan is back, and Shane and Jenny are making out. oy vey.
Xena the warrior princess shows up for another round of adoration from her number one fans: the lesbians. Also, shocker: Jenny DIED.
Welcome! to the First L Word Recap Foreplay Session. Remember also when you’re at the edges of your seat that there’s gonna be like an even more exciting Autostraddle experience coming to you starting next week for reals. So you might just want to sit on the floor. I like sitting on the floor, personally.
I AM THE ONLY trans guy ON CABLE! But instead of integrating me into your show, you’ve progressively emphasized how my differences make me at odds with the lesbian community and the only personality trait you’ve given me is “self-loathing.”
The most telling part of this whole she-bang is the ominous “Jenny Schecter 2002-2008″ graphic that concludes the program. Not only does it imply that Mia looks hella old for a 6-year-old, it also serves to remind us that life begins and ends in the hands of our Creator, the Lord Above, Her Majesty Chief Alaskan Protection Community Coordinator Princess of the Lesbian Universe of All Peoples. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.