No one had ever made me feel small before, but Alice was six-two and could lift me like I was a potted plant.

First I became a cloud-woman. Min had always liked watching them as a child, one of her only good memories from that period. I lifted up my skirts, let her lap up my water. Her mouth was covered in dew when I kissed her.

“I was guilty and heartbroken and I wasn’t ready to let go of her: my first kiss, my first time, my first girlfriend, my first love, my first everything and before that, my best friend.”

Mostly I had chalked my ambivalence up to stifling antidepressants and emotional avoidance. Was I gutted of desire or was this a case of under exposure? Or was I supposed to own my simpleton truth and scream from a cliff, “I just want to dim the lights and be pegged, goddamnit!”

Tanya wasn’t the kind of queer to make the first move, generally speaking, but that night was different. Marianne was different. She seemed more than interested in what Tanya had to say. Her words were gentle and warm, but funny and sexy. Like a horny heated blanket that could make you laugh.

I never thought I would be with another person like this for the rest of my life, but I’ve given myself permission, and that feels exciting.

“Fuck flowers. Fuck everything. We’re ordering about a hundred LED twinkling lights and I’m gonna stick gold washi tape on ’em and sprinkle them everywhere and call it a night.”

“I’ve never had a move that felt so little like being jolted from one space to another and so much like something clicking into place.”

“Then you think, ‘It’s so funny. We’re toeing.’ It’s funny and then you laugh and feel happy. “