51 Of The Most Important Things You’ve Ever Fought About

Over 3,500 people filled out our survey on fighting in same-sex relationships between women, and earlier this week we produced an impressive infographic and the data on what you fight about most often. For some reason “which was a better series: Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter” did not show up on that list. That’s what this list is for. Culled from your answers about “the stupidest thing you’ve ever fought about.”

51 Most Important Things You’ve Ever Fought About

1. She thought the best version of “Such Great Heights” was the one by The Postal Service when obviously it’s the one by Iron & Wine

2. I capitalized the dog’s name in text messages but not the cats

3. I woke her up at 2 AM to ask if she thought toasters have souls

4. Who was more popular in high school

5. How to paint a picture of a park

6. Whether or not the screen ratio on our Netflix account had changed with the most recent software update (it did).

7. Whether Rose was a better companion than Martha (no)

8. Which was a better series: Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter

9. Whether Rocky Horror is better than Titanic. I slept on the couch for three days, and still hold that Rocky Horror is a much better movie.

10. That she wouldn’t budge from the fact that she thought no one would ever be stupid enough to try to be Batman (be very rich and become a superhero using gadgets). I thought that it would be inevitable.

11. How many alien creatures (in a movie) could fit in a human body

12. I didn’t tag her in an Instagram photo THAT SHE WASN’T EVEN IN.

13. Which of our astrological sun signs is more of a bitch

14. Mario Kart

15. Kraft Singles

16. Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde

17. Whether “mindfulness” is just being used as a buzzword now

18. Whether the Royal Family is really that well know outside of the U.K.

19. The merit of Bon Iver

20. I wanted to take her cat for a walk on a leash

21. The content of a meeting neither of us were at

22. What actor played the mean clown in Air Bud

23. Whether I would hypothetically take a snow day from work if it occurred. (The fight happened in July.)

24. If the comic book make-up tuturials were real or technologically enhanced

25. She made me feel weird about drinking milk with breakfast

26. Are leggings pants

27. I forgot Chapstick at home on the way to the grocery store and she didn’t have any either

28. I refused to eat at Guy Fieri’s restaurant

29. She wanted me to go get her cookies and instead of asking me directly to do it, she hinted at it. Then she got mad that I didn’t pick up on the hint.

30. We both identify as Ravenclaws, but she says I’m a Hufflepuff and I say she’s a Gryffindor

31. The difference between fried dough and funnel cake. THEY’RE NOT THE SAME THING!

32. Whether or not she could take in a wounded raccoon and raise it as a pet

33. I wanted two tortoises in the future but she said we could only adopt one

34. If someone’s favorite color could be orange. (it was my favorite color but apparently I can’t like the color orange because it’s no one’s favorite color…)

35. Whether I could buy a pair of pants while she was buying bras

36. I have a badass pair of boots that I’m not allowed to wear because boots are her thing, apparently.

37. Who gets to wear the stripes in the outfit: I have a thing about matching and have proposed a 75/25 balance in her favor, while she wants them 100% of the time.

38. If this old shirt of hers was pink, salmon, or coral

39. What the snapchat ghost looks like.

40. Someone else’s haircut

41. We fought about if fruit is a carb until it got so heated I had to cry in the bathroom

42. I don’t like the word “yummy” and she uses it a lot

43. Whether you could put on more than the actual weight of a chocolate bar by eating the chocolate bar.

44. Whether city streets in Chicago are built with a curve to encourage rain water to go into the gutter.

45. Whether I use the phrase “blue filter” too often when we talk about movies.

46. Whether or not we would gift our future hypothetical child a swiss army knife and at what age it would be appropriate

47. I said “my school didn’t have a teacher’s lounge” and she really, really, really didn’t believe that.

48. The true plot of the movie Avatar

49. One time we went to a communism themed party and I accidentally said something mean to her and it hurt her feelings really bad and we didn’t talk for like the whole weekend but I’m not sure what I said, to this day

50. She wouldn’t let me suck her eyeball

51. I can’t even remember but I started it and definitely cried

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!


Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3211 articles for us.


  1. Sooooo many reasons to be glad about not being in a relationship. At least my (within-self) arguments are about the big stuff – can I be bothered to get out of bed on Saturdays? This never ends in tears, recrimination or regret.

    • For me, this article made me smile about how happy I am to be with my partner. Fighting about silly things is just one aspect of what can be a very fulfilling, loving relationship! Made me think about a silly thing we fought about once– whether or not I had ever eaten a “real” enchilada. :)

  2. “That she wouldn’t budge from the fact that she thought no one would ever be stupid enough to try to be Batman”

    …Pretty sure Elon Musk is already trying to do this…

  3. “46. Whether or not we would gift our future hypothetical child a swiss army knife and at what age it would be appropriate”

    I’m not even married yet, years from kids, and I legit worry about this.

        • I had to stop making grown ups cut my meat for me before I could get one. I like the general principle of that–a way to evaluate readiness rather than a specific age. (I wanted a knife to carve a wooden bowl that I could put water plants in that I could then use to weird out/intimidate/confuse kids who knocked over my little sisters’ sand castles. Not with the knife, with the pond weeds. After I got my knife, I learned you needed a chisel for that. To this day, I have not gotten my chisel.)

          • I bought you a chisel! Do we have to fight about it? Also, my ancestral chisels: use them!

    • If your family is anything like my family, your kid may just get gifted/offered knives by multiple uncles at varying points in time (including one the offerer described as “good for street fights”) and circumvent any of your preexisting plans about them.

      Though in my family, we once had a holiday gathering where it slowly became apparent that literally every teen and adult in the household had a pocketknife either in their pocket or their purse, so this wasn’t a very controversial issue when I was a kid.

    • I asked Santa for one so many times to no avail, then when I was 14 my dad gave my younger male cousin his pocket knife just randomly on holiday for no occasion…I was most upset. Eventually I told this story to a girlfriend when I was 18 and working in a outdoor sports store that sold Swiss Army knives, she bought me one with my discount. So what I’m saying is don’t let that happen to your kids folks.

    • I know for a fact that my parents fought about this, because I desperately wanted a pocket knife when I was a child.

      • Me too! An adorable cuddly pocket knife with a tail and a warm tongue and a ton of love to give…

        Oh wait, that’s a puppy. I wanted a puppy.

  4. 25, I feel weird that you felt weird about drinking milk with breakfast,isn’t that like the most normal thing ever? Also 7, Martha is my fav so she will always be better than Rose imo. 39, I like to imagine the Snapchat ghost as a cute little ice cream treat sometimes, I don’t even know why it’s a ghost so it just as easily could be ice cream, right?

  5. 32. Whether or not she could take in a wounded raccoon and raise it as a pet

    >> Not even an argument because we would both say YES and spend the rest of the week scanning the surrounding area for abandoned baby raccoons and researching how to get the proper certification to take in a raccoon and raise it as a pet. Eventually we would both decide that our dog is very raccoon-like anyways.

  6. #34 has clearly been wronged. I mean, orange is the new black! And everyone knows that black is the coolest color ever.

    • Agreed! My two favorite colors are purple and orange, but orange has been slowly edging out purple the past couple years. My singature lipstick shade is orange, and my bedroom is painted orange. And I may or may not have started watching Orange is the New Black because orange is in the title… (this was before I knew what it was actually about. I was not disappointed.)

  7. Every item on this list is amazing.
    “I capitalized the dog’s name in text messages but not the cat’s” – Laughed so hard at this in particular because I can SO imagine that fight going down.

    • I’m actually relieved that this is a thing since my girlfriend is still offended by how grossed out I was when she licked my eyelid.

      • I’m actually really surprised that eyeball licking is a thing. I mean I can barley put my contact lenses in let alone have someone actually put their tongue on my eyeball. I mean I can’t imagine what sort of sexual pleasure a person may receive from having their eyeball licked?

    • Look, it’s either let her do that, or spend all night awake and wonder if she’s going to kill you in your sleep, scoop out your eyeball, and suck it then.

    • In the novel Lolita there is a passage about licking an eyeball to remove something from the eye. That’s the only instance where I’ve heard about someone’s mouth going on another person’s eyeball. Ew.

  8. #30 is so pointless because the Sorting Hat takes your wishes into account and would therefore place them both in Ravenclaw purely because that’s how they identify??

  9. “45. Whether I use the phrase “blue filter” too often when we talk about movies.” this could be me oh god

  10. #8 Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings? IT IS CLEARLY HARRY POTTER.

    also she made me watch LOTR movies so in return i had her watch all the Harry Potter movies.

    • “Lord of the Rings” is the better series, but it’s more fun to apply “Harry Potter” to your friends. “She’s such a Slytherin.”



  12. #35 is right. How could you choose to look at pants when she was going to be trying on bras. *facepalm*

  13. #43,44 and 46, man i’m impressed with those, like can i sit in when you’re “discussing” them? I mean, food is measured in calories so can one really weigh calories?……. but our bodies store food as fat so we can definitely measure that, right? How recent were the roads done in Chicago? I would have to trust the kid and know that they were mature enough before i would hand over a swiss army knife them.

  14. It’s true, fried dough is different than funnel cake. They are both essentially fried batter, but funnel cake is made by drizzling batter into hot oil, which gives it the noodly shape it has. I assume fried dough is made similarly, but it comes out and is served more like a disc shape? I had no idea fried dough even existed until I was visiting A-Camp friends in Massachusetts and had some fried dough at a fair. It was delicious. Also now that I know this, I too would fight about this.

    • I grew up in Mass and I’d lived in Texas for a few months when I mentioned fried dough to my now-wife and best friend and they looked at me all confused and said, “What’s fried dough?” And to that I answered, “I’M SORRY DID I JUST MOVE TO A STATE WITHOUT FRIED DOUGH I HAVE MADE A GRAVE MISTAKE.” …I yell a lot about fried dough I have a lot of feelings, sorry.

  15. 1) I love these posts SO much.
    2) Is it OK that I always wonder which of these were sober fights and which…weren’t?

  16. I’m so glad that all of you have relationships just like mine. Seriously, it’s a bit of a relief. ;)

  17. #42 I feel you SO HARD. I had a roommate who said tasty ALL THE TIME and I hate both words so much. This is truly one of the great issues of our time.

  18. My ex and I have had arguments about stupid stuff, and coupled with the fact that she just refuses to be wrong you get blowups about nothing. Whether the shirt is green or blue is one (I tried to stop it and laugh when I realized that this was an age-old question but she won’t have it), why Grubhub won’t take my credit card (which resulted in her storming off), and whether the Bart in-train announcements are automated or human (human).

  19. I can’t judge any of you. I had an argument with my gf because she wasn’t sending me Banana stickers on FB anymore.

  20. #20. My ex and I had that argument so many times. The cat thought he was a dog anyway, it made perfect sense to me. She didn’t want to be “those lesbians who walk their cat.” I still maintain that i was right.

  21. My girlfriend and I had a fight after seeing Interstellar because she asked me if she could go into space and I said absolutely not and she got so upset. I had legitimate safety concerns! For her! she thought I was a trekkie so of course I’d let her go, but space is so dangerous and LDRs are not my thing. We actually still are working on a compromise. The only thing we’ve agreed on is that she can go into space if absolutely necessary for human life.
    Oh god how did this become such a long post. So many feelings, you guys.

  22. This was so amusing. I love that I’m not the only one having fights about totally ridiculous things.

    • haha don’t worry, that was mine! we were both adamant about it until we listened to each other’s versions properly and then both… individually… changed our minds…

  23. I lost it at 41, almost laughing out loud in my (very quiet) workspace – fighting about whether or not fruit is a carb until you had to cry about it. 42 and 43 continued the trend. It is utterly amazing how these things that are so comical to others considering them after the fact can be so damaging and upsetting in the moment. Thanks for publishing this list.

  24. As one half of the ridiculousness that was number 43, it’s such a relief to read this list and know it’s not just us…

  25. Sorry I couldn’t read the rest of the list because who THE FUCK thinks Iron & Wine has a better version of the Postal Service’s song?????
    I’m like a little scared to ask my girlfriend what she thinks because this is like… a boarderline dealbreaker.

Comments are closed.