Hello and welcome to this thing we’re trying out where we help you figure out what you’re gonna put in your mouth this week. Some of these are recipes we’ve tried, some of these are recipes we’re looking forward to trying, all of them are fucking delicious. Tell us what you want to put in your piehole or suggest your own recipes, and next week we’ll check in and talk about which things we made, which things we loved, and which things have changed us irreversibly as people. Last week, we ate quinoa.
Even on a good day, I’m a lazy vegan whose diet is about 80% tortilla chips. But when you combine a heat wave with the week after A-Camp, I’m rendered literally incapable of cooking. What even is cooking? How does it work? You heat something, and then what? Nope, too hard. Really the only food I feel confident about being able to pull together and consume is some sort of thing I can put into a bowl and mindlessly dip chips into while I relive photos of animal onesies and flower crowns on the mountain. Ah, yes. That’s better. Here, there’s some room on the couch next to me, grab a seat. If you wanted to, I suppose these dips could be made for some sort of social gathering that includes other people, but there’s no need to go overboard.
1. Spicy Balsamic Vinegar Salsa
2. Vegan Cheese
3. Cheesy Corn Dip
4. Guacamole Dip
In what way is this related to guacamole? Does it taste like guacamole at all? Is it at all like the time I went to buy regular Tofutti Sour Cream and bought “guacamole” spiced fake sour cream instead? Only one way to find out, I guess.
5. Beer-Battered Jalapeños with Chipotle Ranch Dipping Sauce
6. Blue Cheese Buffalo Chicken Dip
I first discovered the existence of this food item a few years ago through my brother’s college roommate, who went through a phase of eating this and nothing else for weeks. I can’t say I support that as a lifestyle, but it did seem like it was probably a pretty good dip.
7. Healthy Green Goddess Dip
8. Strawberry Mango Salsa
9. Chipotle Corn and Black Bean Guacamole
10. Greek Yogurt Feta Dip
11. Baked White Bean and Artichoke Dip
12. Pan-Fried Onion Dip
13. Spanish Eggplant and Bell Pepper Dip
14. Smoky Southwest Cheese Dip
15. Spinach and Crab Dip
16. Hot & Creamy Cauliflower Dip
17. Pimento Cheese
18. Cooker Cheesy Corn, Bacon, and Jalapeño Dip
19. Smoky Black Bean Dip
20. Caramelized Onion Bacon Dip
21. Vegan Eggplant Dip
If you click through on this, you will see that it is labeled as “vegan queso.” Let me be frank with you, dear reader: this is not queso. Even in the realm of vegan quesos, which is a lawless Wild Wild West of its own, this is not queso, and there are few things more damaging to vegan cuisine than people who claim that things will taste “just like” their non-vegan counterpart when they know damn well that is a lie. I have made this and it does not taste like queso, but it does taste like eggplants and spices and is a pretty good thing to dip some chips into. Go forth with your eyes wide open.
22. Oven Roasted Tomato Salsa
23. Sun Dried Tomato Hummus
24. Baba Ghanoush
25. Kathirikkai Thogayal
I want to try this SO BADLY I am upset that I’m not eating it right now even though it’s 11 pm and I just ate like four tacos. I would ignore all that if I got to eat this delicious-looking spiced eggplant situation.