1. Well that didn’t work.
2. If you’re gonna take a chance, pay attention to the clock ya dumb dumb.
3. It’s the closest moment I’ve ever had to the world stopping. But then again, I just could have been really drunk.
4. Like brain war stuff.
5. She handled the situation totally normally. Meanwhile, I stared at the ground.
6. I know how much lesbians like to talk about their exes so I didn’t ask any follow-up questions.
7. My brother and I have the same amount of forehead wrinkles when we scrunch our faces so I’m worried he might not age gracefully.
9. I did not take into account that [redacted] is a bit of a hot mess.
10. I waited what felt like an hour for a response. It had only been twelve minutes.
11. What in the hot fuck is going on.
12. In summation a SUPER HOT GIRL seemed A LITTLE INTO ME and NOTHING HAPPENED.
13. I guess if I freak the fuck out so much at the prospect of someone reading my journal then I should probably stop doing the things I end up writing about but that seems unattainable at this point in my life.
14. Maybe I am the only person that thinks Alia Shawkat is queer and that shouldn’t make me feel alone but it does?
15. She responded, “I know [winky face] hahaha” so who knows what the fuck that means.
*feature image via PinkFlutteryby