This roundtable is brought to you by the fact that Autostraddle co-founder Riese is truly obsessed with knowing about people’s feelings about various common household chores. She came to the rest of us editors like won’t someone please ask our team the question on everyone’s minds: what are your favorite and least favorite chores around the house? We were skeptical at first, but then it became clear from our conversations with each other and the answers we received that chore breakdowns and our feelings about them ARE kind of interesting. So, okay Riese, you were right.
And now, behold, a vast portrait of queer domesticity! The Autostraddle + For Them team shares their favorite and least favorite household chores. What are yours?
Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya, Managing Editor
At the risk of sounding like a spoiled princess, I don’t do too many household chores! My house husband Kristen does a tremendous amount of the housework in our home. I pretty much only cook (and handle some of the related tasks like grocery shopping — but she does ALL the dishes!!!!!). Kristen does all the laundry but I fold my own since my closet is like a Hellraiser-style puzzle box. I often procrastinate on folding the laundry though, but not for any reason other than just being really busy and overwhelmed by my Hellraiser-style puzzlebox of a closet. If I get a bigger closet one day, I think I’ll procrastinate on folding less. Because ultimately I actually do like folding laundry because I can watch television while I do it!
I used to hate scooping litter like most people, so I got one of those self-scooping ones, but I do handle any tasks related to that, including disposing of and replacing trays. In general, Kristen handles the dog and I handle the cat, but those aren’t strict distinctions.
Before I was with my amazing wife who does everything (literally everything — vacuuming, bathrooms, dishes, laundry, trash, yardwork, inside plants, etc and beyond), I think I’d say my favorite chore was vacuuming, although I’ve been told I do it poorly. When I still lived at home with my parents, I genuinely enjoyed mowing the lawn because I could listen to music. When I lived with my ex, she hated reality television and didn’t even want to tangentially experience it, so I used folding laundry time as my time to catch up on Bravo shows. At the end of the day, I suppose I only like chores that allow me to do other things while doing them.
Drew Burnett Gregory, Senior Editor
I like a chore that has a clear beginning and end. There are dirty dishes, then there are clean dishes. There is dirty laundry, then there is clean laundry. There is dust on the bookshelf, now there is no dust. It feels good to have a task and then complete that task perfectly.
I HATE chores that feel impossible to do perfectly. Cleaning the bathtub? Or the oven? You scrub and scrub but it never really feels like you accomplish anything. Of course, it’s often better than nothing. But not for me psychologically. I really hate not doing something perfectly. Which I’m aware says a lot about me in a work-it-out-with-my-therapist sort of way. There’s nothing I hate more than taking the time to do a chore and then not feeling like it was done well or to completion.
The one exception to this is I love to clean a cast iron skillet. I think because it feels like I’m doing a little science project? It’s never fully clean, but it’s not supposed to be. That’s just seasoning, baby!
motti , Communications Lead and Social Media
Hopefully my girlfriend doesn’t read this, but I’d say the household chore division is close to 65:35, with me taking on most of the work. BUT! This is because I love chores, I’m specific about how they get done, and even more importantly, how often they are done. I’m a straight up slut for vacuuming, windexing, dusting, anything I can see an immediate result for. I do love an elbow greaser, though. Unlike Drew, I do want to spend hours scrubbing the bathtub and the oven. I want to unscrew the panels, clean those, get in the crevices with Q-tips, get real intimate with it. When I had a car, I loved to deep clean the car like in those car-detailing TikTok videos. I think that’s because I used to work at Enterprise and my main job was to clean all the returned cars so they’d be brand spankin’ new for the next rental.
I like the beginning of doing laundry. I like separating the towels from the clothes, and then the whites from the colors, and then the priority first load from the second load. But I really do not like folding it and putting it away. This gets tough because I also don’t like how my girlfriend folds clothes (you gotta see how she folds a tee-shirt), so it’s not like it’s something we could go 50:50 on.
We live in an apartment, but there’s still a bit of “housework” to be done. I take care of loose cabinet hinges, closet door knobs, I magic-eraser our white walls once a quarter, and I even manage our gallery wall of art! I’m sure now you’re thinking well, what does your girlfriend do then? She makes the bed every morning <3
Riese , Editorial & Strategy
Like Kayla, I like to pair chores with activities — for me that’s listening to audiobooks, watching TV or watching YouTube videos about themed entertainment experiences. But the thing I like to do most, it turns out, is meal planning and cooking! So I do all the meal planning, grocery shopping and cooking for the home. I like cleaning out the fridge. The chore I hate the most is washing dishes. I hate it so much that before moving in with my wife, I avoided cooking at all costs and NEVER made anything that required more than two pots/pans/etc to prepare…even though I had a dishwasher (‘cause I still had to wash pots and pans). Also my kitchen when I lived alone was so very tiny so I was just unhappy every time I walked into it. Now that we’ve moved in together and I’m cooking for two in a proper kitchen, I love it.
I like doing laundry because I love having clean clothes. I love folding but I hate putting laundry away. I hate cleaning the bathroom and the kitchen and anything that involves a sink, although I do like cleaning a flat surface. But I feel like sinks never get all the way clean and I hate that. Vacuuming is nice though, I like to vacuum. I always had to wash windows at my serving jobs so I hate that too!
Em Win, Writer
Like Kayla, I don’t like chores and I try to avoid them. I don’t like anything where I have to slightly lean over in a standing position (vacuuming, folding laundry, doing the dishes) because it hurts my back. I’m not a good cook and I also don’t like cooking so I let my sister/roommate do it. I’ll happily take out the trash! And dust! Where I really shine, though, is anything bathroom-related. Using unnecessarily strong anti-bacterial chemicals to wipe down hard, smooth surfaces scratches an itch in my brain.
Eva Reign, Team Writer
Dishes are something I can find joy in as long as I’m on FaceTime with someone, watching TV, or blasting music. Dusting, mopping and scrubbing the tub feel like stress relief. However, laundry is a chore sent from Satan himself. I could write a whole raised Baptist-inspired essay about it, but I’ll spare y’all that religious trauma. I hate organizing my laundry, but I despise folding it. I’m staring down an overflowing laundry hamper as I type this out. Once I finally work up the strength to get it all done, I realize how much of a drama queen I’ve been, but despite that hindsight, the cycle continues. I also have a love/hate relationship with cooking. Even though I am a good cook, I struggle to find joy in it. My inner perfectionist always comes out when I cook, and if my food doesn’t end up at least 75 percent as good as my mother’s, I’m pretty hard on myself about it. I’m regularly calling her for tips and tricks just as she did my grandmother. Next time I’m in St. Louis, I need to take notes on how she makes collard greens, fried porkchops and mac n cheese. I’m determined to be as good as her before I’m 30. Maybe then I’ll find enjoyment in the craft.
Stef Rubino, Writer
I’m with Drew on this one — I like chores that are DONE when you’re done doing the chore. Cooking, dishes, laundry and folding the laundry and putting it away, going to the grocery store and coming home to put the groceries away, cleaning the stovetop after you’re done with it, wiping the table…you know, that kind of stuff is totally fine. I don’t even need an additional thing to distract me while I’m doing that, though I am often listening to music or a podcast if something is going to take me longer than 30 minutes to complete.
Pretty much, my least favorite household chores are any I didn’t list above. I hate vacuuming and mopping, cleaning the bathroom and the shower and the toilet. I hate scrubbing the sink because you’re just going to use it immediately after and that bums me out. I hate cleaning the fridge or the oven. And even though dusting is satisfying, I don’t like to do it because it irritates my eyes. REGARDLESS, I’m an adult and I do them, but as of this writing, I have never once enjoyed doing any of these. I wish I could be one of those people who’s really into it and has a lot of fun with them, but it’s not my thing so I just do my best.
Summer Tao, Author
My favorite chore is doing laundry. Everything from loading the washer to folding it up. I wouldn’t even call it a ‘chore’ at this point because the word implies irritation. I just like doing laundry. I like it when things are clean and low-labor, which is why the washer is there. Loading the washing machine feels like decluttering, but the kind where it’s appropriate to just hock everything into the bin. I stuff most of my clothes into delicates bags so they last way longer than they used to. I’ve also made sure as much stuff in our house is machine-washable as possible. Mouse mats (they get so gross), bathmats, even some of our silicone cookware. It gets bagged up if it needs it. Then it gets tossed in. Hanging up the laundry isn’t even that bad because it’s the combination of cleanliness and organization that my neurodivergent brain loves.
Least favorite household chore? Of those assigned to me, the dishes top the list. We’re not a dishwasher house. I am the dishwasher. It’s manual labor and kinda gross. I don’t like the food textures or smells near me. I don’t like the splashing of dishwater. I really don’t like the way dishes keep materializing as a result of daily living and it never gets old. Very strong Sisyphus and the boulder vibe.
I live with my girlfriend and the chore division is basically that… she cooks and I do the dishes and make sure the kitchen is clean before she arrives to cook. That means we get a homemade meal every day and plenty of leftovers, and the chef never has to work in a messy kitchen. She handles the bins and trash. I scrub the toilet, bathrooms, and sinks. Laundry is technically shared but I take to it with enthusiasm and she doesn’t exactly mind. I also do the vehicle maintenance and more manageable plumbing and electrical tasks. Basically, I can’t cook for shit and she can’t do handiwork for shit. We make up for each other’s skill gaps.
TimaLikesMusic , Digital Content Creator
I love cleaning my room, studio, and kitchen. I wish I had a complicated explanation as to why, but it’s simply because I like to sleep, eat, and make music. There’s something about rejuvenating your space after a week of working — it genuinely makes me feel like my week is starting over.
My least favorite chore is doing laundry. I have a lot of clothes made from a plethora of fabrics, and everybody deserves special attention. It’s one of those things where I hate the process, but I love the outcome. I just need someone (not Elon Musk) to invent a device to wash, dry, and put my clothes away.
ashni mehta, Writer
I hate cleaning, with one exception — I love unloading and loading the dishwasher. Actually, maybe just loading the dishwasher. I like the Tetris of it all, being able to stuff the most dishes into the dishwasher and then, mere hours later, having them emerge clean and wet (I like it when my dishes drip dry – free humidity for my plants!). I’m in a relationship with someone whose parents used the dishwasher sparingly, mostly as a dish drying rack instead of a household appliance, so I’ve happily taken on the task of becoming Dishwasher Dad.
In terms of our chore split, we’ve tried to split things fairly and play to each of our strengths. I handle groceries, meals, and the aforementioned dishwasher, and my partner does the cleaning and laundry (and importantly, folds the laundry which is huge for me because if left to my own devices, I would just leave clean clothes in a basket and never fold them).
Sa'iyda Shabazz, Writer
I don’t mind certain chores! My wife and I divide chores kind of based on who likes to do what. I hate sweeping and mopping the floor and taking out the trash, so those are hers by default. However! I will do them if it’s absolutely necessary. Even though she takes out the trash, I tend to the recycling. I’ll rinse out the bottles and cans and break down boxes so whoever grabs them first can take them out. She also cleans out the litter box since the cats are hers, and we both walk the dog.
I tend to wash and fold the laundry. It’s not my absolute favorite, but I don’t mind it. Folding laundry doesn’t always happen in a timely manner, but I do love the hour or so break from the chaos of my household that it gives me. I lock myself in the bedroom and listen to music, which definitely helps pass the time! The only chore we truly share is cleaning the bathroom.
Are we considering cooking a household chore? If we are, that’s my favorite! Cooking is the break in my day where I can shut off my mind, crank up my tunes, and get lost in making something delicious for my family. Along with that, I love grocery shopping. I know, I’m weird, but it’s such a zen experience. Before my wife, I used to do it alone, which was such a nice break for me. Now she’s usually with me, but it’s one of the few opportunities we have for alone time. And since I cook, my wife handles the dishes.
Valerie Anne, Writer
I actually don’t enjoy most chores which is unfortunate since I do live alone. I used to have a roommate who cleaned when she was stressed, and was often stressed, and I miss her dearly. I hate doing laundry. I live in New York in an apartment so my options are going to the laundromat or sending it out to be done. I used to haul my laundry up and down my three flights of stairs, but then one day during the pandemic, post-vaccine but still in the thick of it, when I was cutting it close to running out of underwear but was still too anxious to go to the laundromat where strangers were, I decided to send out my laundry and I fear I am spoiled by it. They pick up my laundry, I get to spend those three hours doing literally anything else, and my clothes come back clean and folded. I don’t think I can ever go back to the laundromat again. I also hate putting away the dishes. I don’t know why. I don’t mind washing them, though sometimes I get annoyed that there are constantly dishes and I’m the only one around to do them (I enjoy cooking, which doesn’t help this problem). Once I actually get started though, I find the act of washing the dishes almost relaxing. I pop on a podcast and go on autopilot. But putting them away? For some reason, I despise it. I don’t know if it’s because it feels tedious or what, but more often than not, I end up leaving the dishes on the counter drying so long I end up using them before I even put them away. I also hate dusting but that’s because I’m allergic to dust, though the fact that I now have an unlimited supply of face masks in my apartment, that helps a little.
Nico Hall, Team Writer
I actually love a deep clean, an entire day of yard work, or decluttering and rearranging a room — and I hate that I always get too ambitious about these things and then they take way longer than the time estimate I gave myself. I love to pair chores with a podcast or audiobook and just go to town while feeling like I’m learning something.
A secret favorite kind of chore I enjoy is somebody else’s chores. When I visit my sister, I love to pop on some good listening and tackle her piled up dishes for her while she’s at work, and then I’m even more satisfied when she gets home and yells at me for doing the dishes and tells me to get out of the kitchen. Five out of five stars on that one, no notes. I recently also did an exchange with a friend where she would meal prep a week’s worth of dinner’s for me in exchange for one session (usually like an afternoon) of clearing out her front yard, which happens to be full of poison ivy. This means that I get to hack away with a machete (while wearing a Tyvek suit — I am sure it looks bizarre) and listen to my headphones and that I also don’t have to cook or worry about what’s for dinner that week — and I especially don’t have to worry about the dishes.
Which takes me to my most hated chore — the dishes. How and why do more dishes appear every day? I will argue that the dishes are never “done” for long because there are just going to be more! I hate that and despise routine maintenance chores like that. I want to remodel a room, I don’t want to wash the same damn cup every few days like some mythical figure trapped in Tartarus. Nevertheless, I am surviving and am very brave for doing the dishes, I know.
YES this is exactly the sort of thing I love about Autostraddle!
My favourite used to be laundry but now I’m in the UK and don’t have a dryer (most don’t!) it can’t be a discrete start/end task (I agree, these are the best ones) and therefore it is so annoying! I still love it going in, taking it out and hanging it all to dry…and then it just has to be there until the next day, MININUM. Just looming over me as an upcoming task.
I also love how everyone splits up cooking/dishes which my partner and I don’t do at all! We both really love cooking so we alternate weeks, and that person does the lot – groceries, planning, cooking, cleaning dishes/kitchen – while the other has a week off just arriving to delicious meals and no work. It makes the off week feel so luxurious, and then we’re excited to cook again!
I find grocery shopping to be tedious, not helped by it being annoyingly expensive. It is my worst chore. Luckily my partner loves the supermarket so I often successfully get myself out of that one. I always take the rubbish (trash) and recycling out and clean the gross shower filter. I love tidying the garden but is this a chore.? I am also an expert disposer of dead vermin my cat brings inside. My butch babe finds this hideous so I always come to the rescue hehe.
i looooove grocery shopping minus the increasingly exorbitant cost
I often ask people how they find grocery shopping (I started doing this as awareness of its perplexing popularity dawned on me) and it is clear that I am part of a very small minority in my intense dislike of it. I don’t understand.
i love grocery shopping and also enjoy the budgeting challenge. my wife thinks i’m crazy but what can i say i love couponing!
Huge thanks to Drew for somehow articulating what I never realized about why I like the chores I like and hates the chores I hate.
i felt the same way when i read what drew wrote i was like yes that exactly is why i don’t like those tasks!
I LOVE doing laundry. There’s few things better than the smell of freshly laundered clothes dried out in the sun. Breathe it in and it’s all warmth and comfort and sunlight, like a hug but for your nose. I will happily sort out darks from lights, load up the washing machine, hang up the laundry (no to dryers because I’m not a barbarian), and then fold it and put it away.
I also like going to the shops for groceries and coming back to put them away in their dedicated spots in the fridge and pantry. It’s like a fun game of Tetris and I enjoy browsing the aisles and checking out the produce.
However, if you give me a broom, mop, duster, or scrub, I’ll pout and barely resist the urge to throw a tantrum. I detest hoovering, mopping, scrubbing and the like. I find it unbearably tedious and exasperating.
i loathe mopping i think of all the things that exist i do hate mopping the most
eva how do you facetime people while watching dishes what’s your secret? even with my headphones in my mom always insists she can hear the dishes being washed!
Like Nico, I love somebody elses chores! That is why I have been thinking of getting a side job as a cleaner.
Like Summer and Nico, I hate dishes! I have a theory, that most autistic people do. I feel like the dishes and the water, and dishsoap give my face a greasy covering, and thus I always have to fo wash my face after doing the dishes. We have a dish washer, otherwise my spouse would be doing the dishes all the time.
I agree about hating dishes as an autistic sensory thing!! My issue is that the way my parents did dishes was to completely fill one sink with hot soapy water and all the dirty dishes go in that, and the idea of doing that and they sticking my hands in that disgustingness is more than I can bear. So instead I end up with lots of individual dishes soaking with dish soap in them, but at least everything’s visible and with the kind of soap we use there’s relatively little scrubbing. The downside to that is that some part of my brain is always worried that I’m not actually getting anything clean enough. It’s mostly okay for stuff that then goes on the dishwasher, but I’ll put off washing plastic stuff that can’t go into the dishwasher forever because I don’t feel like I’m sufficiently cleaning it. (Pots and pans are slightly less of an issue because we have relatively few, so logistically I end up washing them pretty frequently because I need to use them again.)
I’ve also found that spot cleaning with a handheld vacuum is much more doable than using a fullsize one because I can quickly do it whenever stuff gets recognized by my brain as an issue without having to also clear everything off all of the floor space and do everything at once. I don’t mind cleaning the bathroom, but it gets put off when other chores feel more urgent (which is almost always).
I genuinely love grocery shopping to the point where it isn’t a chore to me, it’s just a nice activity. (As long as the store isn’t super crowded). I rarely go with a list other than a few specific needs, so I like browsing and getting inspired, comparing all the options of whichever thing I might get, etc.
In general, I like cleaning and hate tidying. Dishes is probably my favorite chore. I don’t like vacuuming (something about dealing with the cord!) but other than that, I don’t mind wiping, scrubbing, sweeping, etc.
I’m horrible at organizing and tidying. (My brain just gets too distracted I think? But it can’t wander happily the way it can if I’m doing a cleaning task bc I have to think about where things go.) I can keep common spaces pretty neat but my own room ends up being messy (though never dirty!) unless I have some external motivation like a guest.
Can I ask a question that has haunted me for years…what do Americans mean when you say folding your laundry? Does it include ironing? Or literally just folding the clothes?
I’m from the UK and I’ve never heard any one talk about folding their clothes as a stand alone task, but it’s a staple of all American chores-related media. Why does it take hours??
Very grateful for any insight (also loved this article)
I’m from the US, and while I can’t speak for everyone, when I say “folding laundry,” I literally just mean folding the clothes. Putting clothes away is a related chore that may happen immediately thereafter or not until days later, if I have folded them before lugging them home from the laundromat or upstairs from the washer and dryer in the basement of my apartment. When I had in-unit laundry, I was more likely to fold laundry and put it away simultaneously, but when I have to wash it elsewhere, the folding is prone to happen right after drying it, only to have the folded clothes languish in tote bags for days.
(Only two of the houses or apartments where I’ve lived in the US have had outdoor clotheslines, and one of the neighborhoods in which I grew up had a homeowners association that forbade them. All that is to say that most of the time, the laundry needing to be folded is coming out of a dryer, not off of a clothesline. If it is not removed and folded promptly, it gets wrinkled. However, I do not automatically include ironing as part of folding laundry, as ideally it isn’t necessary. Even if it is, I usually wait until I actually want to wear one of the garments in question.)