“We Exist: Beyond the Binary” Is a Sincere, Open Documentary About Gender

“What if the world told you that you do not exist?”

We Exist: Beyond the Binary is a documentary about gender that spends a little under an hour trying to answer this question. Written and narrated by filmmaker, activist and writer Lauren Lubin, it uses home videos, artistic recreations, and interviews to tell their story. It features interviews with agender writer, speaker and advocate Tyler Ford; speaker, personality and LGBTQ activist Kristin Russo (you know her from her series, Getting In Bed With Kristin!); and Dr. Charles Garramone and Dr. Anthony Vavasis, as the documentary examines misconceptions about gender — especially ones that demand only male and female exist.

You know when you’ve heard your best friend tell a story, even though you’ve only heard it once, you’re buzzing with energy to share it with others? Lubin’s documentary feels like that. We follow them as they go back through parts of their childhood and teen years, finally being able to tell the story of their gender identity as they’ve fit together the pieces they couldn’t comprehend growing up. Lubin is gender neutral, and after a near-death experience, sets out on creating their own definition in a way that feels true to them. Through snapshots from clips of Lauren’s home videos from youth to young adulthood, Lubin weaves together the story of learning to give language to their gender (including but not limited to: gender expression through clothing, basketball and researching body dysphoria) and the steps they’ve taken forward to being more present in that identity.

Covering a lot of ground in a short amount of time, We Exist highlights the differences between sex and gender, explains how gender identity and gender expression overlap but don’t necessarily mean the same thing, and examines the need for community as one explores both/or spaces within “the big cloud of identity.”

Much of the documentary rang true for me, from not knowing the language to describe oneself, to the isolation felt when coming out — but there were a one or two parts where I felt like I couldn’t see myself in the story. During one sequence, I could only think of how many black and brown trans and gender-nonconforming people aren’t afforded many of the opportunities Lubin has to explore their gender. Housing, traveling, and food (check out the #transcrowdfund to support), are several of the things Lubin is secure in, and it gives them the freedom to find themselves in nature, and “leave the world behind them.” This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, just something to be aware of. Lubin acknowledges that their story isn’t the only type there is, that even though they’ve struggled, they know there is privilege in access to the resources to figure out. That acknowledgement makes you want to continue watching even if you feel a bit of disconnect.

But the sincerity and openness in which Lubin creates this piece helps me remember that even if, on the whole, I am thankful to them for sharing their story.

Whether you are knee-deep in gender identity research or have just started learning, this documentary offers something for everybody. You may learn some new things and if you don’t, you get validation that your gender identity, your sexuality, you exist and you’re not alone, which is definitely worth a watch.

You can watch We Exist: Beyond the Binary on Vimeo and Amazon.


Before you go! Did you like what you just read? We keep Autostraddle majority free-to-read, but it isn't free to create! And yet most readers don't support this indie queer site. Will you be one of the people who do? A+ membership starts at just $4/month or $30/year and they literally keep us from closing. Will you join? Cancel anytime.

Join A+

A. Tony Jerome

A.Tony is a black nonbinary artist out here to do good and to do gay. They are a 2015 Pink Door Fellow, 2016 Lambda Literary Emerging Writer Fellow, 2020-21 Afro Urban Arts Lit From the Black! Fellow, and have worked with Roots.Wounds.Words., Words Beats & Life, and Winter Tangerine among other places. You can find more of their work on their website and listen to them scream about poetry & other interests on Twitter.

A. has written 31 articles for us.

6 Comments

  1. Thanks for writing this, Alexis, I was glad to read someone’s perspective on this piece.

    I think what I appreciated most was the exploration of a nonbinary perspective that at least for the space of the documentary presented more masculine. I want to respect the fluid nature of gender as well as the very definition of non-binary existing outside the gender binary it names, but at this time the stories being told seem to be more focused on those who skew more feminine, or at the least do their best to have an even balance. Which is great and necessary, but I was most moved by the role call at the end that showed people and gender performances we don’t often see portrayed on screen.

Contribute to the conversation...

Yay! You've decided to leave a comment. That's fantastic. Please keep in mind that comments are moderated by the guidelines laid out in our comment policy. Let's have a personal and meaningful conversation and thanks for stopping by!