NSFW Sexy Sunday: Lesbian Bed Death Says Whatever


The Village Voice’s Queer Issue devotes its lesbian content to the potential myth of lesbian bed death, which was invented apparently “by sociologist Pepper Schwartz, who, in her 1983 book American Couples, asserted that lesbians have less sex and intimacy than other couples.”

The story includes quotes from Rachel Kramer Bussel, Kate Clinton, Suzanne Westenhoefer, Jenny Shimizu and Tristan Taormino:

Even sex educator and author Tristan Taormino — as sex-positive as anyone—concedes that sex gets old regardless of a couple’s sexual orientation. Besides, lesbians are different  — just not in the way Schwartz believes. Married women go for younger guys, while their husbands turn to pros. Just turn to the politics, sports, or entertainment pages of any newspaper: Gay men have a whole cornucopia of choices, from sex parties to leather clubs to outdoor cruising spots. And lesbians? We rarely stray outside of long-term relationships to find sexual satisfaction.

Bussel is big on going as a pair to burlesque shows, strip clubs, or even sex parties. “Even if you are not opening up your relationship, you are adding a visual voyeurism element to it,” she says. Here in New York, lesbians have a citywide playroom of choices to ramp up their sex lives, including classes and events at sex emporia like Toys in Babeland, Lesbian Sex Mafia play parties, or sharing online porn at home at JuicyPinkBox.com.


It’s The Stranger’s annual Queer Issue, and this year they’re running “Republicans I Have Fucked,” which is a brilliant idea, which includes Kate Preusser’s The Catholic Schoolgirl: I Know I Was Supposed to Be Worshipping Jesus, but I Could Never Take My Eyes Off Mary and Gina Young’s The Trophy Wife – To Say Nothing of the Woman in a Fur Coat at Bush’s Inauguration, the Smirking NYU Student, and the Sexiest Girl in Third Grade:

Here’s a stab: Hypocrisy is sexy. Conservative girls call other girls sluts and act shocked about everything and expound on their “morals” and get involved in church like it’s their job and win awards for Christian Service and Model Behavior and whatnot, but they are secretly very, very, very, very, very, very sexually active. It’s possible that all conservative women are bossy tops. (Sarah Palin, Ann Coulter—I’m looking at you. Very, very submissively.)


Why don’t people have bed-ins? It’s such a sensible way to address the public, and you don’t have to get dressed. John and Yoko had the right ideas: naked album covers, lazy press conferences, etc.” (@fleshbot)


There’s this website called “25 Things About My Sexuality”, and sometimes they have queers on it!

8. Since my divorce, my idea of what is sexy has changed so much. I used to like skinny girly girls with long hair. Now I secretly think I would be happiest with a FTM transsexual.

9. I am really attracted to genderqueers, and the more masculine a female is the sexier it is to me. I love vaginas, but I also love masculine appearances. I like dick, but only if it is plastic.


Lesbian Lust says ‘feelings get in the way of everything’ and they’re super chock-full of girls kissing who also seem, you know, to have a lot of feelings for each other, and that’s super cute:

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Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3198 articles for us.


  1. “rarely stray outside of long-term relationships to seek sexual satisfaction.” what?! my ex cheated on me five fucking times, that asshole. i mean, i was the bigger asshole for sticking around, but still.

  2. it doesn’t seem like the women who write articles for “republicans I have fucked” have actually fucked any republicans… I can’t decide if that’s good or not.

    in other news, thank god for nsfw sexy sunday. i love you, autostraddle.

  3. 4 years and counting and our sex life still as good as ever (and getting hotter every day). what bed death??

  4. I don’t believe in bed death. For me it gets better with time. Much better actually.

  5. I like to reinterpret “lesbian bed death” as “so the honeymoon ended and we decided that we like to look at each other’s faces as much as we do each other’s labia.”

  6. I think I avoid dating because I’m afraid of bed death and general death of interest. though a big portion is that I just fucking HATE picking up my phone or being in total contact with anyone. but mostly the “keeping sex interesting” thing though.

  7. I don’t actually understand what’s wrong with becoming less interested in sex.

    I can’t say that enjoyed the uncertainty of dating in my youth. It just felt like I was always being played. It was a mind fuck more than anything.

    After 13 years with my girlfriend, I feel like the world could fall apart but I’d still have this one happy spot.

    Live happy and let other people live happy.

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