*feature image via Shutterstock
If you didn’t know, the end of the year is a terrible time for most people in comedy. Basically you sit around reading best of lists with other people on them and then eat more pie. Off of this disappointment, I made a list of my own tweets (shout to myself, @bishilarious) because if no one else will appreciate me, I will. And following THAT, I thought it would be fun to give others the same opportunity to shower themselves in love by picking their favorite tweet of the year by them and tell us why they like it. It’s not necessarily the funniest or the best or the most popular; it’s just tweets from this year that they loved for one reason or the other.
DIYer PB consumer social justice advocate furniture maker knitter sewer 4merly Astrid of FRINGE currently Kim of SCANDAL InternDana of WTNV proud lady lover hi
I don't really knit things for other people unless it's my wife or a casting director.
— Jasika Nicole (@TheJasikaNicole) July 3, 2014
This tweet succinctly describes my experience in LA after moving here a couple of years ago: 1. Whore myself out at auditions 2. Knit the resulting pain away 3. Seek additional solace with my wife. Crafting has somehow become a weird amalgamation of everything I like and dislike about my life here on the west coast, so using my DIY skills as professional currency seems like the most awesome casting couch experience I could hope for.
I like to have fun at all costs and hope to taste every flavor this world has to offer. Dogs are great. So are puppies. Performer at UCB. Writer at Defy Media.
I'm gonna be late unless we move the meeting to this Jack In The Box I stopped at. In which case, you're late.
— Gilli Nissim (@Time2GetGill) June 6, 2014
This year, I accepted and quit the best job I’ve ever had to date, and felt very strange the whole time in-between being an official full-time writer, but at a corporate-ish place. When I posted this someone very nice told me to my face that they turned on an alert to see my tweets and it made me feel way too good. Wow, that’s my real answer. I should have just said, “Because I love myself and I like hearing about when other people do too.”
lol feminsim no thanks
I don’t need femis I can’t believe fimests want to change the English alphabet to A B C D E F G H I J KILL MEN O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
— WomanAgainstFeminism (@NoToFeminism) December 9, 2014
I wanted to pick this one because i refuse to let femisists get away with destroying all men on earth! And leave our alphabet alone!
Laugher. Writer. Crazyperson. The taller half of Erin & MeLissa.
My mom is only following one person on Instagram and it's my roommate.
— erinmcgown (@erinmcgown) June 12, 2014
I like this tweet because it’s 100% real and my roommate is still flaunting it around.
Two separate people have referred to me as the white Rihanna. I also write for Orange Is The New Black.
When did being earnest become synonymous with being uncool? Cause I feel a lot of straight-forward, sad feelings about it.
— Lauren Morelli (@lomorelli) August 10, 2014
I went to this movie screening with a super cool (i.e. elitist) Q&A afterwards, during which a very famous author said he loved the movie because it wasn’t earnest. I felt more rage in that moment than I do about most things. So I did a very productive thing: I tweeted about it. I think earnestness is important. I’m tired of sarcasm. I’m tired of being afraid to honestly express my feelings without having to undercut them with a joke. See? Not undercutting. Even though I want to.
actor. painter. photographer. dachshund enthusiast. haiku writer. violinist.
Ate wine for dinner.
— stevie nelson (@iamstevienelson) October 5, 2014
This is hands down my favorite tweet of 2014. It cuts straight to the point and speaks to those of us who’ve done this before. When I woke up the next morning, I forgot that I tweeted this and had a moment of wondering if my drunken instincts are way more spot on than when I’m sober.
[Likes]: salt, secrets [Dislikes]: headlights, decisions
Pretend like you're twenty years older and got the option to go back in time and re-live the previous twenty years: go
— Mary Kobayashi (@MaryKoCo) November 20, 2012
I try to remind myself to not let insignificant or even relatively significant fears get in the way of what I really want to do, say, and who I want to be. It’s something I struggle with and as dumb and tech-obsessed as this will sound, whenever some random person retweets this and it shows up in my interactions, which happens about weekly, I remember to look at the bigger picture. Happy New Year, everyone who’s reading this, and remember to live in a fearless, ridiculously bold way that would make your older self proud.
Writer at The Colbert Report. Well, ‘wroter.’
Ok I'll come clean. When people say "asking for a friend," they're talking about me. I'm the friend. I have a lot of embarrassing questions.
— Ariel Dumas (@ArielDumas) October 25, 2014
It makes me laugh and laugh. Because I love the idea of there being ONE annoying person who constantly asks people to ask compromising questions for her. Also my life’s work is to create more female characters who are flawed, gross, funny and relatable. In other words, actual people. Because characters like these are still in the minority. On the bright side, it means we are currently sitting on these huge, untapped reserves of comedy GOLD.
Comedian (Conan, @midnight); TV writer; Lindsay on @GroundFloorTBS; celebrity tarot faker; Baby Geniuses podcaster; me & @unclenatie run Suck My Dick New Yorker
Considering that I can smoke legal weed and watch any episode of Daria I want in the bath, it's pretty weird that I DON'T believe in God
— Emily Heller (@MrEmilyHeller) January 12, 2014
First let me say that this was a VERY difficult choice because there were many brilliant tweets I did about sitting on George Clooney’s face. But this tweet is sort of my ideal-self coming out — grateful & chillin. Plus people need to know that Daria is streaming on Hulu plus.
contributing editor at @thehairpin. mean and impressive.
i sing "i guess i just wasn't made for these times" to people all the time & they never get it. perhaps… i just wasn't made for these times
— Jazmine Hughes (@jazzedloon) July 16, 2014
This is a sleeper tweet, about a Beach Boys song. I think it’s funny because a) it is, and b) because I’m a 23-year-old black Brooklynite who tweets mostly about pizza and dicks, so it was probably jarring to find out that I love the Beach Boys. Subverting expectations!!! It’s a pretty nerdy and allusive joke — you won’t get it unless you’re familiar with Pet Sounds, which… why aren’t you familiar with Pet Sounds, what is wrong with you — which I think is the best kind of humor. It’s one thing to get a joke, but it’s another to feel like you’re in on the joke and no one else is, and, judging by that RT count, not many people were. I think that esotericism results in both familiarity and faves, which is all I’m here for.
Stand-Up Comedian/Writer (The Onion, McSweeney’s), Sex & Relationships Editor @Cosmopolitan.com, Creator of Tinder LIVE! with Lane Moore
i want that thing in movies where someone breaks your heart & then your soulmate comes along literally 20 mins later & ur like "oh ok cool"
I’d just had my heart broken by someone I really liked and I just felt really burnt out from that. I’ve always been obsessed with movies and in movies, every time someone breaks your heart in this ruthless, cartoonish way, your perfect person shows up literally 30 seconds later because aww your shoe got stuck in a street grate and aww they keep a spare pair of shoes in your size in their briefcase. And they also give you a latte and possibly a boat or something. It’s my favorite tweet of the year because so many people related to it, which means other people are also sick of wading through assholes to find someone they can just eat cookies with and love forever because dating is exhausting.
writer, MacArthur genius grant recipient, used to do Whip-Its with your ex-bf
Idea: Slut shaming but instead you just bite your tongue. Like literally bite your tongue. No, harder. I bet you like that don't you.
— Stephanie Mickus (@smickable) August 18, 2014
I like this one a lot so let’s call that my favorite. I like writing tweets that remind people of important issues e.g. to not slut shame but then taking it farther by exhibiting behavior or choosing language that challenges them to not do that very thing by the end of the tweet.
funny but not insurance commercial funny
My head is just a periscope for my stomach.
— claudia cogan (@blaudiablogan) April 7, 2014
I picked this tweet because when I finally realized this, everything about my life made sense.
MEN NEED NOT @ REPLY. television editor @flavorwire, writer @theavclub, shitbag punk teenager everywhere else.
I watched a documentary about sloths the other day and it was really good but kinda slow
— official wwe pilot (@pilotbacon) December 7, 2014
2014 was the year that I got more comfortable tweeting about real stuff on Twitter — I’ve been extremely vocal about race and police brutality, for obvious reasons — so I’m sure there are plenty of more poignant tweets I could have picked. But instead my favorite tweet features one of the lamest jokes I’ve ever made. Most of 2014 was so exhaustingly devastating that I needed to cling to any sort of levity, even if it’s just a dumb joke about a sloth documentary (which was a really good documentary, for the record.)
I can’t believe women used to have to wear shoulderpads, i’m so grateful menstruation moved to the vagina in the 90s.
— Bec (@Brocklesnitch) September 1, 2014
I chose this tweet mainly because i think it is funny, but also because we have been conditioned into not discussing menstruation openly, and into feeling that making jokes about it is hacky. Well fuck that. If men got periods we would never hear the end of it.
Actress + Comedian featured in NYTimes. UCB. Low Budget Sketch Show (Season 1) Also, I was hit by a subway train.
Subway Accident Is Fodder for Liza Dye’s Comedy Routine http://t.co/yPDYCbQJpg
— The New York Times (@nytimes) May 7, 2014
I was gonna go with something funny but then I remembered I also almost died this year so this is mine.
writer, actor, comedian with explosive taste and exquisite diarrhea.
i like traffic bc it allows me to catch up on my sitting.
— Megan Neuringer (@MeganNeuringer) February 12, 2014
I spent most of 2014 in LA which means I spent most of 2014 in a car & it’s hard not to feel defeated & helpless stuck in traffic but I put a nice dry/sarcastic/positive spin on the experience. It’s also little bit absurd, which is fun.
Writer, actor, improviser. UCB person. This IS my backup career; I wanted to be a horse.
I imagine my happy couple friends snuggling nose to nose in bed and whispering sweetly, "We're so lucky we're not Erin," then making love.
— erin whitehead (@girlwithatail) June 28, 2014
I like this because while it does expose a real fear of mine (that my friends feel sorry for me or think I’m pathetic) that aspect is somewhat overridden by the weirdness of me imagining my friends having pillow talk and making love. Nonsense plus truth. You’re welcome.
Comedian. Queer. Feminist. Elf. My mom’s getting good at Google which scares me.
walk into the club* like what up I got a big** cock*** *my parents' living room **small amount of ***resentment left over from childhood
— DeAnne Smith (@DeAnne_Smith) December 27, 2014
I think it speaks for itself.
tv writer (hbo’s silicon valley, nbc’s michael j fox show, the internet’s lisa and amy, the slutty years, and AWKWARD BLACK GIRL)
Guy in car: "How are you, beautiful?!" / me, not hearing the comma: "Uh. Mostly make-up and sunglasses."
— Amy Aniobi (@janiobi) July 20, 2014
There are two things I like about this tweet. One, a random guy tried to compliment me in a non-lecherous way, which is a win for society. And two, I answered in a totally transparent way that nullified any mutual attraction his compliment might have inspired. I learned there’s such a thing as being too honest (and as the year went on, I maybe got a tiny bit better at “flirting.”)
Post your own favorite tweet in the comments and why!
*This list is mostly people that follow me (because I can DM them) and 100% people that responded to my request.