Winter has arrived in Los Angeles this week, bringing a chill in the air, some light rain, and something totally new: a Bette-Porter-free episode of The L Word! That’s right, this week, Bette and Tina are presumably off in Toronto frolicking and kissing and looking at art. We wouldn’t know, we don’t see them once!
But luckily, we have enough to keep up with on this episode. It’s The Aloce Show’s 100th episode, so of course Alice is doing a dating game to find her The One (Hundredth). All sorts of shenanigans take place on the set of the Aloce Show this week, from breakups to hook-ups and make-ups and makeovers! Also, that boy Angie kissed last week? Actually a grown man, and also her teacher. Yikes! Let’s get to it, shall we?
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+ Riese’s recap for Episode 303 “Quiz Show”
+ In French Michelle is a Man’s Name, the short film by this episode’s director, Em Weinstein
+ Unfortunately, there was only one queer season of Are You the One, but you can relive the madness with us
+ The Chasing Amy piece we published from Shana, and the Buzzfeed Chasing Amy anniversary piece
+ When Riese mentioned United States of Tara, I wondered if Joey Lauren Adams had made the “straight actresses who’ve played queer”
list and she has!
+ Where would Finley fit into this White Lotus scenario Drew wrote about?
+ It doesn’t appear we’ve put together a list of best karaoke songs for queer gals: what is yours? In the meantime, here’s what The L Word cast would sing, thank you Kayla!
+ Stephanie Allyne took a break from hilarious lesbian chaos over on Reboot to appear in this episode!
+ Heather wrote more insightfully about Ellen’s on-set unkindness and friendship with George Bush than my silly joke!
+ Bette has an affair with a student in season four of the original run, starting in episode 402. The student is none other than Arizona Robbins, Jessica Capshaw (okay fine, NADIA)
+ According to a not-super-legit website I found, I was wrong and there’s only 5 cities named Normal in the United States, and only 6 in the world! We regret the error.
+ For the record, this is how I feel about driving friends to the airport:
Drew: Hi, I’m Drew.
Analyssa: And I’m Analyssa.
Riese: And I’m Riese.
Drew: And this is-
Everyone: To L and Back: Generation Q Edition.
Drew: That went great.
Analyssa: Yeah. Congrats to us. Honestly, we’re coming in with such a frazzled energy. I didn’t have high hopes for that.
Drew: A real intense energy for honestly a pretty chaotic episode. So not the worst pairing. How are you both doing?
Riese: It’s been a long day.
Analyssa: Yeah, A long day for everyone. Right?
Drew: It really has been.
Riese: We’re recording this early because Drew has to catch a red eye, but the first episode of the podcast came out today.
Analyssa: Oh yeah.
Drew: Oh yeah. That’s true.
Riese: You posted about it!
Drew: I know I did. But that feels like yesterday…
Riese: It’s just been a long day.
Analyssa: That was exciting though.
Riese: Have they ever had an episode called Long Day?
Drew: No. They should.
Riese: They had Long Day’s Journey into Night.
Analyssa: I was going to say, didn’t they do Long Day’s Journey into Night?
Riese: They should do Long Johns and it should be one where everyone wears like little, you know what I mean? Everyone in a Henley. Do you know how cute that would be?
Analyssa: I like that when you suggest an episode title, you’re like, it’s directly going to affect the plot. When you suggested Quarterback, it’s like, they will be playing football.
Riese: Yeah. I’m literal.
Drew: And that’s rarely how The L Word actually works. So this episode is called Quiz Show, and it is written by Melody Derloshon, who’s been writing on Gen Q since the beginning. And it’s directed by Em Weinstein, who actually wrote on A League of Their Own and also directed this short film that I highly recommend called In France Michelle is a Man’s Name. I think this is maybe their first episodic credit. Let me confirm that. Yeah, I think so.
Analyssa: That’s cool.
Drew: That’s super great. I love that.
Riese: Yeah. Well, they did a great job.
Analyssa: I love when there’s a first time director on something or writer.
Drew: Yeah. And trans!
Riese: That’s really cool. What’s interesting about this episode is that Quiz Show is also the name of a film.
Drew: Yes, it is.
Riese: And I love that film. And this was not that film, this was a TV show about lesbians and bisexuals and otherwise identified people.
Analyssa: I’ve never seen that movie or heard of it.
Drew: I have heard of it, but I haven’t seen it.
Riese: Well, I love it. I saw in the theaters when you guys were probably sitting in your sandbox building castles. I was at the movies, I was at the cinema.
Drew: I love that.
Riese: Watching Quiz Show and thinking, “Wow,” because I love a movie based on a true story.
Drew: I do know this. Well, there’s a lot to get into with this episode. So should we start?
Analyssa: Yeah, let’s do it.
Drew: When the episode started, I went, “Oh my God, I forgot about the accident.”
Analyssa: The crash also looked so much longer in the saga sell than it did when I watched the episode. I was like, “Oh my gosh, that was brutal.” Luckily though, Gigi has survived.
Drew: Yes. We learned that right away.
Analyssa: And is pretty banged up. But we come in, it’s hazy, she’s opening her eyes and the EMT is like, “You’re pretty banged up, but you’re probably fine.” And Nat is in the ambulance.
Drew: Then we learn she’s fine physically maybe, but not emotionally. Because real quick, a slight nudge from the paramedic leads to a little post-trauma kissing, which is Nat kisses Gigi. Which feels like, I mean…
Riese: It’s like they press lips.
Drew: It’s not like a make out.
Analyssa: They sort of just touch lips.
Riese: And then they touch lips more.
Drew: This is what I think. I think that if you have just experienced something traumatic, then if you want to kiss your ex-wife, I guess I get it, you, whatever. But it’s strange to me to be the one who’s arriving on the scene and your ex-wife’s bloody head and fully in a relationship that supposedly is serious, because they were together for a while, before we dropped in here a year later. To kiss her feels not great.
Riese: You know, I was thinking of the song “Defying Gravity.”
Drew: Of course.
Riese: And how you can do that? That’s what she should have done, because she instead let gravity take her forward into Gigi’s mouth. And she could’ve defied it.
Analyssa: She could’ve chosen to defy gravity.
Riese: Wanting to feel unlimited.
Drew: I also think that you are choosing to turn a slight push into a, I’m falling on top and kissing.
Analyssa: Well, because it’s not a very clumsy fall. She’s not bobbling. She’s like, “My lips are going to go right into yours.” I do think this is the mother of her children, someone who she spent a long time with, and something traumatic has happened to her. You might be overwhelmed by that.
Drew: Yeah, I guess.
Drew: For sure.
Riese: Or overwhelmed by the potential… drama.
Riese: Speaking of, who should arrive? But luckily, thank God, because my least favorite thing that ever happens in movies and TV shows is when somebody sees someone kiss someone else and then makes a decision based on that and does not tell them. Dani is too wrapped up in whatever to even notice what just happened. And she’s like, “Oh, I’m here now. Nat can go.”
Analyssa: And there’s actually a couple of close calls of that in this episode. I was like, “Ugh.” And then it never happened. But I was going to say, speaking of overwhelmed, I was by Dani’s arms in this scene. They look amazing.
Riese: It’s a big ep for good arms.
Analyssa: Big ep for good arms. Yes.
Drew: A big arms episode.
Riese: Yeah. They should have called it “Quarms.”
Analyssa: And then of course Dani and Nat have to have a conversation about Nat saying, “I’m Gigi’s emergency contact.” It was played as a big reveal to Dani, but Nat is the one who called.
Riese: I don’t think it was.
Drew: I do think that, again, it makes sense to me that the mother of… My frustration throughout this whole episode that we will get to is just that there was a little bit of rationality last episode when Bette was like, “Dani, you’re overreacting.” And then this whole episode was like, “She wasn’t.” Actually, the fact that she’s not the emergency contact, in my head, I go, “That makes sense. The mother of your children is your emergency contact. You’ve known her for years and you have a good friendship, great. But the person who you’ve been dating for a year and a half? I get not switching it over yet.”
Analyssa: Yeah. Louis is not my emergency contact and he’s mad at me about it every day. Not in a serious way.
Riese: No, I had my ex-fiance, two years after we broke up, text me and be like, “Hey, I got a really alarming phone call from your dentist.” And I was like, “Wow.”
Drew: Yeah, one of my two best friends is my emergency contact. I mean for my flight tonight that’s going to Toronto where my girlfriend lives, I did put her down.
Analyssa: Yeah. Amy’s my emergency contact, but that’s because she has her phone on her usually.
Riese: I put Gretchen as my emergency contact. I was like, obviously my ex can no longer be my emergency contact. So I started putting Gretchen in as my emergency contact two years before we started dating.
Drew: Aw that’s nice.
Analyssa: Anyway, Dani’s not Gigi’s emergency contact, but she does get to ride in the ambulance. The ambulance is not headed to one place, I’ll tell you, which is the Paramount lot, which is where The Aloce Show films.
Drew: It’s where they have their hundredth episode.
Analyssa: And they’re doing their hundredth episode.
Riese: It’s exciting. I love the colors and the costumes and everything. I just love the images of the episode.
Drew: Yeah, it is fun.
Analyssa: It is very fun.
Drew: They’re doing a little dating game for Alice, because she’s looking for the one and as she jokes, where else to do that than on national television?
Analyssa: Great point.
Riese: Yeah. Love is Blind.
Analyssa: I’ve done it on Twitter.
Analyssa: I’ve done it on dating apps.
Riese: You should do it on TV.
Analyssa: I should do it on TV.
Drew: I will say that I am sad that in 2019 there weren’t enough reality shows for me to go on a reality dating show. I do think that I would be great on a reality dating show, and I’m sad that that’s just not where the reality dating world is except for the one season of Are You the One? But even that, they wouldn’t have put me on that.
Riese: I would rather marry a baked potato than go on a reality dating show.
Analyssa: A baked potato specifically.
Drew: Well, Alice’s three things that she doesn’t want is not a baked potato.
Sophie: No cults, no mixed martial arts, and no improvisers of any kind.
Alice: Yeah. That last one’s very important.
Riese: So LA.
Drew: Extremely LA and it makes sense.
Riese: I’m sure she said some bad run-ins. But it’s also funny because Kate Moenning does MMA and Stephanie Allynne does improv. It’s all these.
Drew: It’s a loving little dig.
Analyssa: Luckily, I don’t think that she’s going to have to settle for those because before she gets there, she has to meet Joey Lauren Adams, right? Is that her name?
Riese: Correct. Yeah. Her name is Joey Lauren Adams.
Drew: Her name is Taylor.
Analyssa: Her real name.
Riese: Her character’s name is Taylor. But Joey Lauren Adams was a huge, huge deal in the nineties. Most memorably to everybody here, she was in the highly controversial film, Chasing Amy.
Drew: Has Chasing Amy had— do people like it now? I’m trying to think like I don’t know, Kissing Jessica Stein, The Kids are All Right, they’ve had a bit of a…
Analyssa: I think there was an in defense of Chasing Amy piece somewhere in the last couple of years. But I wouldn’t be able to say more than that.
Riese: We had one where someone talked about how it pissed them off when they first saw it in the nineties and then they revisited it.
Analyssa: Maybe that’s the one I’m remembering.
Riese: And then there was also a Buzzfeed piece where they talked to Kevin Smith. They also talked to Guinevere Turner because part of the inspiration for Chasing Amy was his friend and co-producer’s crush on Guinevere Turner, who’s a lesbian who played Gabby Deveaux and also wrote for the original series. And Kevin Smith dated Joey Lauren Adams while they were doing this film. And in the interview with Buzzfeed, he says something like, “No, I don’t think this was an important film for the lesbian community. I think it was an important film for just me personally.”
Analyssa: I wish that more filmmakers would just be honest about that and be like, “Actually I just made a film.”
Riese: He was 27.
Analyssa: “I made a film about what I wanted to see in the world and I did it for me. And sometimes people respond to that and sometimes people do not.”
Riese: But if you haven’t seen it, the basic conceit of it is a man falls in love with a lesbian and she decides to give men a try. And the film does not use the word bisexual at any point. And it undermines a lot of stuff. But it’s one of those things that could happen now. I mean similarly to how I think the way people feel about Alice dating men now is different than we felt during the original series. You know what I mean? Times have changed and there’s so much media out there.
Analyssa: I mean I think that’s the reaction to Kissing Jessica Stein too, right? It’s like, “Oh, well if you take this character as bisexual, then it makes sense and it’s okay.” And we’re just talking about those nuances a little more now.
Riese: And we have so many more actual stories about relationships between women or other types of queer people. So that’s it. If the only stories we’re getting are women who aren’t really into women or women who are, whatever. Everyone knows this already. But anyway, in the nineties, she was a huge deal. She was in a bunch of the Kevin Smith movies. She was in Mallrats. She was also in Dazed and Confused. Also famously looked a lot like Renee Zellweger and they were often compared. So anyway, that’s her significance to the community. Oh, I think she also played a queer character in United States of Tara, maybe.
Drew: I love that show.
Drew: Is she queer?
Drew: Oh, okay.
Riese: But she’s cute.
Analyssa: She is really cute. And Alice thinks so too pretty early on. They’re flirting.
Riese: Vibing. Yeah.
Analyssa: They’re vibing. Alice asks her if she’s going to stay and watch the show, and she’s like, “No, I’m busy running this coffee cart.”
Drew: Yeah. Okay. So I just want to clarify. She runs a coffee cart that’s been invited by Party Planner Dani? She’s been brought in for the post hundredth episode party? Got it.
Riese: It’s Liberated Coffee, it said.
Analyssa: Liberated Coffee. They’ve got a bisexual flag on the cart.
Riese: Wow. Liberated.
Drew: What happens next is that Finley is applying for school/has filled out everything but is unsure if she wants to just press the button. Which is interesting to me as a pretty type A Capricorn personality where I’m like, “Just do it. And then you can decide later. You can waffle about your decision right after you find out if you get in or not.” But I also understand that people have different brains.
Analyssa: As an impulsive person, I’m like, if I’ve decided to fill out the application, I’m going to go ahead and submit it. It would be the decision to apply that’s like, “Oh well what’s it going to do to my life?”
Riese: It’s hospitality school.
Riese: What do we think Finley is doing? Please tell me she doesn’t want to manage bars.
Analyssa: It must be managing bars and restaurants.
Riese: Maybe she wants to be a bellhop. Well, think about how cute she’d be in a bellhop outfit.
Drew: Crossover, White Lotus. Finley is at the next White Lotus.
Riese: She would get fired pretty quickly somehow. But I think it would be cute.
Drew: It does seem like the staff at all the White Lotuses like to have sex with each other. So I do think that Finley could get into that mess.
Riese: I would love for her to work in a place that doesn’t serve alcohol though. A library, a coffee shop.
Analyssa: Coaching soccer. Wasn’t that fun for her?
Riese: Oh, yeah. That was so cute when she was coaching soccer.
Drew: Shane comes in all muscley and is like, “Let’s break shit.” And then we have a little Magic Mike XXL moment where it’s like they’re dancing to “Pony” by Ginuwine and also breaking shit.
Riese: Yeah, it’s fantastic.
Analyssa: I have long thought that “Pony” is a great karaoke song for a queer woman to do at karaoke night.
Riese: It is a very popular cover.
Analyssa: That one is just a fun one. I also think Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus is on that list, in case anyone was wondering. You don’t change the pronouns, you just sing it like it was written and it’s got a queer girl swagger.
Riese: Yeah. And girls love horses.
Analyssa: So true.
Drew: I love Magic Mike XXL, so I just want to put that out there.
Riese: And also this is a great moment for us to see that Kate Moenning has been working out.
Drew: I love that for her.
Riese: She has very strong arms. And anyway, this was super cute. I enjoyed every second of it and it wasn’t very many seconds, but I did enjoy all the minimum amount of seconds that we received.
Drew: And then Tess comes bursting in, giving the writers an excuse to have Shane cheat, by being slightly mean for no reason. And then Finley hits a pipe and Tess has a reason to be mean. I don’t understand why Tess is stressed since she wanted the bar so badly, but I’m going with it.
Analyssa: My note was she’s mad that they’re moving too fast, but she called an inspector before they even had agreed to buy the bar. And now they’re already doing demolition. So the whole thing is moving too fast. But okay.
Riese: I mean, I would get annoyed if it was my project, but also I would feel like after having definitely manipulated Shane into buying the bar, I didn’t have much ground to stand on. So that would probably stop me from being upset that they had started before I was ready.
Analyssa: Also she was the one who wanted to convince Shane to buy the bar. So now that Shane is a little bit bought into the project—
Riese: Yeah. Just let Shane do what she wants to do.
Analyssa: Yeah. I would be like, “Oh, this is kind of fun.” She does look incredibly beautiful while being mean, I want to say. They did something to her eyebrows here that really did it for me.
Riese: And now Shane’s soaking wet.
Analyssa: Yes. And chastised by Tess.
Drew: Yes. Speaking of people who you think are beautiful we go back to Dani doing all the little planning for Alice’s hundredth episode party.
Analyssa: And she’s on the phone with Sophie, which I already clocked as like “Oh, interesting.” And that comes back later. And speaking of coming back later, Nat comes back.
Drew: Oh wait. She’s talking about planning it at Gigi’s apartment.
Analyssa: She’s at Gigi’s. They’re getting ready for the big event. She’s on the phone with Sophie talking over final logistics. Nat returns to Gigi’s, which I guess is Dani’s, because later they’re talking about where Gigi lives.
Riese: I have no idea. I thought it was Dani’s.
Analyssa: I think it’s Dani’s high rise. There’s big windows which I think is Dani’s.
Riese: Gigi’s had that exposed brick, remember? I remember when Bette was in it and I was like, “Wow.” This feels more like Dani’s little…
Drew: I see. So Gigi’s staying there because she’s hurt, and then she, without telling Dani, invited Nat over because all of a sudden Gigi’s giving the writers an excuse to have that end.
Analyssa: Nat has taken a tour through Tess’s crazy stripe closet and has a shirt on that has stripes in so many different directions. Also, Nat, Stephanie Allynne, love to see on both Reboot and the show.
Drew: I enjoyed when she said that Margaret Cho was on her bucket list. Not to fuck her, just to see her or meet her. That was funny.
Analyssa: That was funny.
Riese: Yeah. So Nat is going to help Gigi get ready.
Drew: And then Gigi asks Nat if they should talk about what happened. Because I love when Gigi’s being all communicative, and Nat is like, “No, I don’t want to talk about it.” And is like, “There’s nothing going on.” And Gigi’s looking at her with eyes that are like, “I want something to go on. I want to upset half of the Gen Q fan base.”
Riese: She’s like, “I have a commitment to this Apple TV program, Blackbird, and I need to get there by next Tuesday. So let’s get this show on the road.”
Analyssa: Let’s get this rolling.
Riese: Is this when they talk about it?
Analyssa: Not yet. What happens next is that Angie, speaking of exes is talking to her moms on the phone about Jordi and saying she has bad boundaries, but Angie’s at school, she’s busy, she’s got to go.
Drew: I got to say, if you do the breaking up, you do not get to be the one who’s like, “I still want to be friends. I still want to text all the time.” No. You shouldn’t either way if someone doesn’t want to, an ex doesn’t want to talk to you, you shouldn’t talk to them. But if you broke up with someone and then you’re going to text them a bunch? No.
Analyssa: As Angie was on the phone, I typed into my notes app, “Angie definitely kissed her TA, right?” It was just leading into a big reveal. And actually the reveal was even bigger than I could have anticipated, because it’s her professor.
Drew: Yeah. I screamed. I don’t know if you heard me. We live in the same house. I screamed.
Riese: It’s weird because at first I was like, “Oh God. It’s like I’m having…” Did you guys watch Pretty Little Liars?
Analyssa: I read the books, actually.
Drew: Oh, look at you.
Riese: Well you’re very smart.
Analyssa: Thank you.
Riese: And I’m very proud of you.
Analyssa: But I never really watched the series.
Riese: I was like, “Oh no, this is an Aria and Ezra Fitz.” But then I remembered that Aria was 15 years old and Ezra, her teacher in high school, was significantly older. And Angie is legally an adult. And this man, do we think, I mean, if she’s a freshman, he’s probably like a TA, right? He’s not a full, he doesn’t have a PhD.
Drew: No. He might be an adjunct professor. So he’s probably, though, at least in his late twenties.
Analyssa: He says that he’s written a novel before and done some other things, which I think would qualify you to teach.
Riese: Anyone who’s written a novel before at my age, I think, “Wow.”
Analyssa: I would put him at 27 or 28. It’s not ideal.
Riese: I dated a 27 year old when I was 18.
Drew: Once again, how’d that go?
Riese: Well, we did stay friends after we broke up.
Drew: That’s nice.
Analyssa: My thing is actually not about the age gap necessarily. It’s about the fact that she’s still in his class. But we can talk about that later
Drew: We’ll get to this later. Cause right now it was just exciting scandal. And speaking of interconnectivity, Shane has gifted Alice a framed version of the Chart. And Tom has gifted Alice a basket of pens and we learn that Alice turned down his proposal, which does make me think, yes, we have more bisexual content then when Chasing Amy came out. But I don’t know, I just feel like maybe Tom deserved a little bit more than a quick mention.
Riese: But they do that with everyone. They do it with women too.
Drew: Sure. Honestly, the fact that they are breaking up Gigi and Dani does make me think that, “Okay, I guess you’re just doing your own thing.” At first I was like, “You’re just giving into all the fans and what the fans want, including biphobic fans.” But nope.
Riese: No, I mean, they t-boned Gigi with a truck.
Analyssa: Nothing is sacred.
Riese: No fan was like, “Please plow a truck into Gigi.”
Drew: I miss Tom. I like Donald Faison.
Analyssa: I thought the little bit about Shane pointing out somebody on the Chart and Alice being like, “No, I don’t talk to her anymore” was very funny.
Riese: I did pause on the chart and I was like, “What version of the Chart is this?” Because none of the people Shane dated that we know of are on the Chart. There’s no Carmen, no Paige, no Molly.
Drew: Well, cause it’s the first version, right? So what season was that, when did she first draw?
Riese: Oh, season one.
Drew: So maybe, I think it’s probably a season one Chart.
Riese: Well, I’ll give it a closer look.
Riese: She erased it, remember, when the Army came over.
Drew: Right. So it has to be based on photos in the back of some old picture or something.
Analyssa: Speaking of Shane being a hub on the Chart, she has brought hair product to give to Ivy. So she’s just going to go find Ivy and actually just have a quick conversation about that.
Drew: The way Alice is talking about this is being like, oh you guys hit it off. I was like, “You know your friend Shane, and you know what Ivy looks like. Come on. Really?” Let’s grill her here.
Analyssa: She’s got bigger things to worry about. It’s her hundredth episode.
Drew: That’s true.
Riese: Yeah. Do you think Ellen was worried about her friend?
Analyssa: George W. Bush?
Riese: Do you think Ellen was worried about George W. Bush hooking up with some makeup artist?
Analyssa: Wow. What an image.
Riese: She was worried about-
Analyssa: People looking at her in the eyes.
Riese: Or special guest John McCain.
Analyssa: Speaking of having too many things to do, Dani is talking about all the event stuff with Sophie.
Drew: They’re making a friendship work.
Analyssa: They’re starting to get along and then Sophie’s like, you and Gigi should come over for dinner with me and Finley, and I just feel like Finley and Sophie—
Riese: Please do.
Analyssa: Finley and Sophie should just both cool it on this a little bit. They’re just pressing for this to happen.
Riese: I want it to happen.
Drew: Once again, they’re the reason why the relationship ended. So they cannot be the ones to instigate friendship with Dani. This is just a very firm belief of mine that you have… Everyone’s so obsessed with being friends with their exes in our community, and I love that for them. But I also just think that you can’t force it.
Riese: No, you can’t force it.
Drew: It has to happen at its own time.
Riese: That’s true. But I mean, I also tried to force someone to be my friend who had broken up with me, and that didn’t work.
Drew: No, of course. And that’s also fine. But you’re at least, in your right, I think, to try that.
Riese: Yeah. I mean, you obviously like this person.
Drew: Sure, no, makes sense.
Riese: That’s why you dated them. And just because it’s not working romantically, I don’t know. It always makes me sad.
Drew: No, I agree with that. It’s more that I just think that if you interrupt someone’s wedding, then maybe it’s up to them to decide, which we’ll get to. But yeah, it was a choice.
Riese: I wanted it to happen for chaos. But also I feel like wouldn’t Gigi be like, “What am I doing with all of these children?”
Drew: Yes. Speaking of things that are broken, the pipe is still broken over at the second bar and Tess has a butch plumber who comes over who isn’t the butt of a joke.
Drew: So exciting. Progress, progress, progress. We love to see it. This is a reference, if you didn’t watch the original show, to the original show.
Riese: But also remember how in Jenny Schecter’s adaptation, in Jenny Schecter’s version of Lez Girls that she turned the carpenter that Bette dated into a plumber?
Drew: Oh, that’s also interesting. I was just thinking of, oh wow, we have a butch love interest that is allowed to be just hot and cool and funny and not, I don’t know.
Riese: And Finley’s like, “This is my fault. I broke the pipe. Because who puts a water pipe in the middle of a freestanding wall that separates two areas of a building? So I’ll stay here, you should go.” But Tess is like, “I can’t go.” And on this note, I would like to say, what is going on?
Analyssa: I’m confused. Riese is making significant eye contact with me because Tess says, “I have my sponsee coming.” So presumably, they’re doing step work, which is a thing in AA, they’re working on the 12 steps, because Finley says, “I have the book, I have the highlighters, I can do it.”
Riese: And I’m like, how?
Analyssa: That’s not how being a sponsor works, number one. And also two, is Finley able to sponsor people? That doesn’t make any sense. So this is just confusing all the way around.
Drew: Okay. I’m glad you clarified that, because I had so many questions once we get to that interaction. I was like, “Wait, why is she here? What’s happening?
Analyssa: What’s really bothersome to me as a studio exec in my daytime life is that this is a really easy fix. This is not a note I would ever give because you never give line notes to a script. But it’s very easy to have Tess be like, “Shit, I was supposed to meet with my sponsee. Let me text her and see if maybe you guys should meet and hang out and chat as sober people.” but what ends up happening is Tess is like, “Oh you can just be a sponsor for a day.” Which is not how this would go, especially because Carrie and Finley know each other from their real lives, which is a little complicated.
Riese: Which it seems like neither of them remember.
Analyssa: So I don’t know. It’s very confusing.
Riese: I was also like, this is another part where I was like, is Tess also Finley’s sponsor?
Drew: Very confusing.
Analyssa: I don’t know.
Drew: I don’t know. Either way Tess is not a very good sponsor, nor maybe a good girlfriend. I don’t know. She does say that she was harsh, which, sure, and it happens to people. It is a trope that I don’t love, second to someone walking in on someone or whatever, is when someone is uncharacteristically mean in their relationship. They get into a fight and then the person cheats. And then right after they’re like I’m sorry I was shitty this morning. I just do think that if your partner’s ever mean to you one time, don’t go off and cheat that night. That’s a good…
Riese: Probably in general, you just shouldn’t cheat.
Drew: Oh, I agree with that. But I just really, I think especially if… Maybe if your partner’s mean to you all the time, end the relationship.
Analyssa: But if they’re mean the one time… So back at California University, Angie’s professor stops her after class. And Angie…
Riese: This is how so much porn starts.
Analyssa: Immediate vibes. And Angie is very flustered and she’s like, “I didn’t mean to kiss you. There was a lot going on. I don’t have to be in your class.” And here’s where I think as an adult, being given a paycheck by the university that Angie attends as a student, his responsibility was to say, “I think that you should drop my class.”
Riese: I don’t get it. Is that allowed?
Riese: Are professors allowed to date students in college?
Analyssa: I don’t think so. No.
Drew: I mean, I don’t think so. Maybe some colleges, but I don’t think so.
Analyssa: I think no matter how young you are, if you’re teaching the class, you’re not supposed to get involved with someone. And even the fact that they already kissed, if he was like, “Look, we’re going to pretend it never happened. I’m going to be totally professional, let’s just keep a student…” But there’s like—
Drew: He’s flirting.
Analyssa: “No, I want you to be in the class.” And they giggle.
Drew: Bad, bad, bad. No good.
Riese: Maybe it’s the cycle because Bette hooked up with her—
Drew: I didn’t think about that.
Riese: And now it’s coming back around, and one day Angie will be going into the office and they’ll be like, “Wow, we had your mother in this same seat not so long ago, young lady.”
Analyssa: Or maybe it comes up and Bette is like, “How could this possibly happen?” And then has to reckon with what she did, because she’s on this journey of growth around Tina, maybe.
Drew: I don’t know. I mean, while it is a cliche, I do think it’s something that happens a lot. So if they do it well, I’m not against it. If it’s one of those things where in the original, we didn’t really, we were from the Bette perspective. And so now we’re going to tell this story from the student’s perspective. Something interesting there.
Drew: I don’t know if I need it. I would rather just Angie have a fun ho phase instead of a questioning the nature of power dynamics and abuse ho phase. But oftentimes those things happen at the same time for us. And that’s just how it is.
Riese: Yeah. She’s going to write some great short stories. I’m sure.
Analyssa: About her creative writing professor, which is just… Elsewhere in inappropriate flirting, Ivy is really stoked about the hair product that Shane has brought and they’re flirting.
Drew: They’re flirting. And Ivy’s like, “Do you want to stay backstage and hang out where the party’s at?”
Riese: Yeah. Shane puts up one half a second of a fight.
Drew: So, there’s no-
Analyssa: I couldn’t possibly. Oh, okay. Nevermind.
Riese: If you insist.
Drew: Bernie Sanders meme: I’m once again asking Shane to talk to her partner about what she needs from a polyamorous relationship.
Riese: But then would we have a show?
Analyssa: And what would this show be without couples who aren’t speaking to each other? Speaking of which, Gigi has arrived at this event, which I think maybe I would not go to if I had just been in a car accident.
Drew: You’re going, you’re, wait, you’re going with your ex-wife to see your former throuple. People. This is what I’m talking about. I really support being friends with your exes. But this is just too far.
Riese: This is beautiful. This is community. This is love. This is the way that we live. This is gorgeous. I love this for everybody.
Riese: Sisterhood is powerful. Gorgeous, gorgeous girls go with their ex-wife to see their former throuple partner shortly after being T-boned while texting their current girlfriend who is running the show and is in a bad mood for the entire episode.
Drew: And the producer of your former throuple partner that is your current girlfriend’s ex-fiance who was interrupted at the wedding.
Analyssa: And then there’s Finley who used to be a PA on the Alice show.
Drew: Also true.
Riese: Yeah. Why doesn’t Finley come back and work on the Alice show?
Drew: That’d be a great job for her.
Riese: But then she’d be with Sophie all the time.
Drew: That’s true. That’s too much.
Analyssa: But there is a way that Finley could be on the Alice show and be in a totally different department than Sophie and actually never interact with her, I think.
Riese: Or it could be like Jim and Pam. No one here wants to talk about The Office.
Analyssa: We both kind of nodded.
Drew: Yeah, we gave you a nod.
Analyssa: You just can’t see it on the pod.
Riese: I love The Office.
Drew: That’s okay.
Analyssa: Drew just saying, “That’s okay” very softly. Like you need to be consoled about enjoying The Office.
Riese: I don’t feel bad about it.
Analyssa: And that’s okay. So Dani comes over to see Gigi and make sure that she’s okay and Nat immediately asks for champagne and asks Dani to give her gift to Alice that she brought.
Riese: Yeah. Which is a bag of oranges, and Dani is so humorless.
Drew: Also Dani’s at work. I don’t know, whatever.
Riese: I think she’s just feeling overwhelming insecurity about the relationship, and so she’s unable to communicate like a normal person.
Analyssa: I also think, though, that Nat could be chiller.
Drew: Yeah. I think Nat’s feeling like a way about, “Oh I think I’m in love with Gigi again. We kissed, whatever.”
Riese: But everyone, we’re in love with Gigi.
Drew: Sure. No, I get it.
Riese: And you are all in relationships.
Drew: Sure. But you know what I would do instead of just hooking up with her? I think my girlfriend would probably also be in love with Gigi and that’s the way to do it.
Riese: Then you’d have a throuple
Drew: When these two had a throuple, I’m just saying that throuples could solve it. As someone who’s never actually been in a throuple, I do think that throuples could solve most problems on television.
Analyssa: On television, definitely. In real life, I’m not sure. Gigi in this conversation, they’re joking about their kids. They’re also flirting. It’s a big, big win for flirting this episode. Gigi does a big reveal that when she got hit, she saw her life flash before her eyes and she-
Riese: Did not see any of us.
Analyssa: She saw none of the hosts to To L and Back, which is frankly rude. She did not see Dani also. And she did see Nat and the kids.
Riese: Do you think they were floating on a cloud? I think it was the kids throwing jelly at each other and Nat was sitting out a mermaid in a shell.
Analyssa: Aren’t the kids too old to throw jelly?
Riese: Anyone could throw jelly at any age. You never know what’s going to happen.
Analyssa: That’s a good point.
Riese: You know what I mean?
Analyssa: That’s a good point.
Riese: We’re all going to die.
Drew: I just think that if I saw the mother of my children and my children when I was in a car accident, I would go, “That makes sense. I’m going to continue my good relationship with my hot girlfriend of a year and a half, Dani.” I just don’t think I would spiral.
Analyssa: What if your ex-wife was Stephanie Allynne and her hair looks really shiny today?
Drew: Her hair did look really good and Gigi has a hair thing. And I do think it bodes well for me if I was ever in the fictional L Word universe.
Riese: Well, I think that she, I don’t know why she’s spiraling. I don’t think that it could be that alone, because literally everyone I’ve ever dated at least comes through my mind at one point in any given day. I’m sure my life flashed before my eyes, who knows what I would see?
Riese: Besides my new wife: baked potato.
Drew: Anyways, Dani gives Nat champagne but with no glasses. Which is Dani.
Riese: A microaggression.
Drew: Very Dani. I do love it. She can be such a bitch.
Analyssa: Here, bitch. Take it.
Riese: Yeah. Luckily she has a reusable straw.
Analyssa: I just want to say, how long is the reusable straw that Nat is packing to get to the bottom of that bottle? I was impressed.
Riese: I would just drink it out of the bottle.
Analyssa: Me too.
Drew: That’s tough with champagne, though, because of the bubbles.
Riese: You can drink anything out of the bottle if you really want it.
Drew: That’s true.
Analyssa: And she did, because it’s what she asked Dani for first.
Analyssa: Carrie is back.
Riese: It’s so cute.
Drew: And tells Finley that Tess described Finley as…
Carrie: Leonard DiCaprio from Romeo and Juliet, and the hair and everything. I totally see it.
Finley: Wow. That is weirdly the nicest thing anybody’s ever said to me.
Drew: That is an incredible compliment.
Riese: It is really, because God, he looked incredible in that film.
Analyssa: And Finley makes kind of an offhanded joke about being on a gender journey, which I’m just, my ears said…
Drew: Yeah, I did catch that.
Analyssa: interesting. And basically Carrie is here to talk to Tess about the things that are going on in her life. So she’s just going to talk to Finley about it. I’m accepting this as whatever. Okay, cool.
Riese: But we hear that I guess Carrie’s spiraled after…
Analyssa: Finding out that Tina and Bette are back together.
Riese: And hit rock bottom, as one does or whatever. And then now…
Drew: I think now Carrie doesn’t like wet bread and isn’t around anyone who is going to make her eat wet bread.
Riese: Exactly. She’s not going to eat wet bread and that is movie magic.
Analyssa: So true.
Drew: True. I will say that I don’t want a dry sandwich, but I don’t want a saucy sandwich either. I really like a very middle. And it depends on the sauce, because sometimes even light sauce.
Riese: I want a hard bread.
Analyssa: I want a bread that’s crusty enough that it doesn’t really matter. Because I do like a saucy sandwich. I’ll say it.
Drew: I like putting olive oil.
Riese: I think her problem is she went to Subway and their bread is made out of—
Analyssa: It’s basically paper.
Riese: The sheets they give you for free in college for your extra long bed. That’s Subway bread.
Analyssa: I do love that she’s still a deals queen. She’s like, “My punch card gave me an extra sandwich. Finley, you can have it.”
Riese: Her and Finley are a good fit as people.
Analyssa: Yes. They’re fun. And they should have been friends long ago, I think.
Riese: I want Carrie to adopt Finley. Maybe that’s because I know Rosie O’Donnell has adopted a lot of children, so I just feel like Carrie could adopt Finley.
Analyssa: Yeah. And so it’s odd that the setup is that Finley is sort of adopting Carrie. Eventually they do a team up, I think. But Carrie has to pee so she’s going over to Dana’s.
Drew: Which again, we’re also noting that this meetup’s happening at a bar. So even if Tess is the queen of being able to be at a bar even though she’s an alcoholic, why are you inviting Carrie to a bar? Anyways, that’s what I thought was going to happen is Carrie was going to walk in, see all the alcohol bottles and I was like, “No, no, no, no, no.” But instead we get a meet cute.
Analyssa: Yeah. It’s fun to be an outward viewer and just every time something starts to happen, tense up and think the worst thing is going to happen. And then when it doesn’t, you’re delighted like I was by this scene of the meeting.
Riese: Her nose busted.
Drew: Misty’s in the bathroom, Carrie goes in the door and…
Analyssa: It hits Carrie in the face is what Drew is motioning with her arm.
Drew: Sorry. This is a podcast.
Riese: I got really stressed out though because Carrie had to pee so bad that she was giving herself a little thing about Kegels and holding in the pee. And I was like, “Is she going to pee in her pants?”
Drew: I know. I was also really stressed about that. When did she pee? Did she pee?
Riese: Did she ever pee?
Analyssa: She’s still holding it to this day, rumors have it.
Riese: Maybe she peed a little.
Analyssa: Maybe she peed a little.
Drew: I know she had to have.
Riese: But then Missy puts tampons in her nose, which in my opinion was a throwback to when Miranda put tampons in Steve’s nose in Sex and the City.
Drew: Wait, is it Missy or Misty?
Riese: I’m going to say it’s Misty.
Drew: I thought it was Misty, but I could be wrong.
Riese: Did I say Missy?
Riese: Oh well. I misspoke.
Analyssa: You. Mist-spoke. Nice.
Drew: I guess speaking of alcohol, one of the—
Analyssa: I was just about to say, unfortunately, speaking of sobriety.
Drew: Yeah. One of the Match Game contestants is too drunk. And so now Sophie needs to find a replacement last minute. Who could it be?
Analyssa: Who could it be?
Drew: Nat is also drunk.
Analyssa: It seems like she’s tipsy in the audience. They’re loosening up. You’d be a terrible criminal to me is a dead giveaway flirt. They’re flirting is what they’re doing.
Riese: Is this where they say they met when they were…
Drew: 18 and 19? I think so.
Riese: They met when they were 18 and 19. So did they date and then get married and then had kids, starting from when they’re 18 and 19?
Analyssa: That’s what I’m being led to believe.
Riese: That’s a really long time.
Analyssa: It’s a really long time.
Drew: Maybe in this episode, they met when they were 18 and 19 and in other episodes, who knows?
Riese: But okay, they’re in their late thirties, maybe early. The actors at least are, I think in their early to mid-forties. So does that mean they were married for 20 years?
Analyssa: Yeah. That is crazy because the series events of Gen Q have spanned three years, maybe.
Riese: Somewhere between three and 30 years.
Analyssa: And Gigi had been divorced-
Riese: And all of time is how many years? 10,000.
Analyssa: Yes, exactly.
Drew: So what were they doing when Jenny and Tim moved next door to Bette and Tina? Where were Nat and Gigi?
Riese: Married. Pregnant, probably.
Analyssa: Married and planning for a baby. Much like Bette and Tina were trying to.
Riese: They could have been friends.
Analyssa: The note that I took is The L Word: Gen Q‘s official position is, the ex you love most is your one true love.
Drew: Yeah. That really is their position.
Analyssa: That’s where they’re coming from.
Riese: Yeah. This season’s all about finding the one, except you already found the one and it’s your ex.
Analyssa: They’re already in your pool. You’ve actually already dated them. Try again.
Drew: I think the reason why I’m a little sensitive to it is because I’ve watched the way that my sister has emulated Sex and the City and given exes who are terrible and very much Mr. Bigs so many chances because of that messaging. And I’m like, “Well here we are doing the gay version.”
Riese: That’s what I did too with men. But the thing is, you can’t do it with women, because they start being in another relationship right away. So you can’t ever get back with your ex, because usually your ex gets married to the next person that they’re with.
Drew: But you have to also want to cheat as much as the L Word characters.
Riese: That’s true. Yeah. Yeah.
Analyssa: Hilariously this then cuts to Dani and Sophie interacting, and I was like, “If that’s what’s happening right now, I know I’ll lose my mind.” It’s not. Sophie asked Dani to be a fill in for the dating game and Dani’s too busy. And then we cut to Shane and Ivy also having a conversation. This is one of those where it’s like they’re just moving through the event every 35 seconds of how Ivy says she’s having a hard time on dating apps. Which, if that’s the case, we’re all…
Riese: The dating apps should just be abolished.
Drew: Well she doesn’t say I’m having a hard time getting matches. She could be having a hard time sustaining conversations with boring people who just say, “Hey. Stop, you’re so pretty. Heart eyes.” That feels totally realistic. Especially imagine you matched with Ivy, how intimidated you’d be.
Riese: I would be so excited.
Drew: I would be too, and I would obviously come up with something clever and worthwhile to send her, but a lot of people in our community would just be like, “I can’t message first. She’s so much prettier than me.”
Riese: Yeah. But it’s funny because Shane’s like, “Yeah, the dating apps.” Shane a hundred percent has never and will never be on a dating app.
Analyssa: Never in her life.
Riese: Shane is the dating app,
Analyssa: But they’re trying to find common flirt ground.
Riese: But then they get a group project.
Drew: Yes they do. Sophie brings Taylor over.
Drew: Brings Taylor over.
Riese: Makeover time.
Analyssa: They have six minutes and neither of them are moving with any urgency.
Riese: Absolutely not. No. They know that they’re in a TV show and that they have a lot more time than that.
Drew: I would like to say that in my notes, I wrote Ivy and Shane double team her, which is very interesting writing.
Riese: It was cute. I know Shane is dating Tess, but I’m upset about the second bar.
Drew: It’s a bummer, because if we wanted to do the storyline, this would’ve been a really fun storyline. I don’t know. I just think there could have been something more interesting instead of Shane doing a Shane again. But sometimes people don’t change. And speaking of people who don’t change, Alice is wearing another great suit. It’s a yellow suit and I love it. Beautiful. And Margaret Cho’s on the TV show to give little banter and jokes during the match game. And we learned that the first contestant is a man from rural Montana.
Analyssa: I want to know what the selection process was.
Riese: I am also a man from rural Montana, so I related to that a lot. Yeah. Is that the guy when they ask why do you want to be with Alice? And he’s like, “She’s the whole package.”
Drew: The second person says the whole package.
Riese: What did he say? Oh, what’s not to love? I would have shot him on sight.
Drew: And then Gigi is, we’re still, again, everything’s happening at the same time. Gigi’s leaving and Nat is taking her, but Nat has been drinking.
Riese: But also, before this, Dani peaked through the curtain and saw Gigi and Nat holding hands.
Analyssa: They’re touching hands.
Riese: Which is a really weird thing to do when you’re in a live studio audience or you could be filmed at any moment.
Drew: Dani, to her credit, confronts Gigi and it’s like, “What’s going on. Something’s clearly wrong.”
Analyssa: This does seem like a weird time to do that, though.
Riese: Dani wants to do it now.
Drew: No, it is a bad time.
Analyssa: Gigi also forced the conversation with Nat. We all want to confront our emotions currently.
Drew: Why is Gigi there in the first place?
Analyssa: For drama.
Drew: I know. Anyways, Montana Man is a veterinarian and then the second contestant runs a startup for NFTs.
Riese: Cold storage.
Analyssa: Cold storage for NFTs.
Drew: Oh. I don’t know what that is.
Riese: At first I thought she was going to do cold storage for meats and cheeses. And I was like, “That’s hot.” But then she was like, “For NFTs,” and I was like…
Drew: Are TV shows being paid to shill for NFTs? Because Queen Sugar has had a whole NFT thing this season that feels the way product placement feels, where it’s awkward. And you’re like, “Why are they talking so much about NFTs?” And it made me think maybe TV shows are… Or it’s just a topical reference people can throw in.
Riese: Well I refuse to find out what NFTs are.
Analyssa: Me too.
Riese: No one can make me. Or why they need to use cold storage. I need to be in cold storage.
Drew: But Margaret Cho’s making jokes. It’s still fun.
Analyssa: And then they’re pushing Taylor out onto the stage to answer her first question. She doesn’t know what the question is. She’s very flustered. She even says:
Taylor: I don’t know why I have to be on TV right now.
Analyssa: But we are off to the races anyway.
Riese: Yeah. And she said she’s from Normal, Illinois. That’s a real place.
Analyssa: There are a lot of places named Normal in the world
Riese: There’s one in Oregon, right?
Analyssa: Back at the bar next door to Dana’s…
Riese: The Jenny Schecter Memorial Tavern.
Analyssa: Right. Finley and Carrie are trading drunk stories. Finley’s talking fondly about her time being drunk. Although I forgot that Finley grew up in Kansas City. So when she was like, “I took a bus from Kansas City to LA,” I was like, “What?” I had such a jump scare.
Riese: That’s actually, I mean that’s one way to get through a bus ride.
Drew: What is that?
Riese: Goldschlager? That’s the first alcohol I ever tasted in my whole life on this planet.
Riese: Because I had seen Beverly Hills 90210, where people drink it. I did not know, because I was 13 or something. It wasn’t like we got drunk. It was like, “Let’s taste alcohol.” And it was at my fancy friend’s house. Of course they had fucking Goldschlager. I didn’t know that alcohol tasted bad. I had no idea. Cause on TV they’re just doing shots like it’s nothing. Luke Perry was always just like… So I was like, “Oh my God.” I was just shocked.
Drew: Wait, what kind of alcohol is, what is that though?
Riese: A Goldschlager?
Drew: I’ll Google it later.
Riese: Google it now.
Drew: No no.
Riese: But it has gold flakes in it.
Drew: Oh, it’s the Superbad drink!
Analyssa: I think it’s vodka.
Riese: Goldschlager is a Swiss cinnamon schnapps.
Drew: Anyways, Finley is talking about how it’s harder to take risks and do stuff when sober.
Riese: Like press the button on her hospitality application so that she can become a manager of Subway.
Drew: They start joking about or talking about Misty coming by, and Finley’s like, “You’re into her.” And so then Finley’s like, “I’ll send in my college app if you go ask Misty out.” And Carrie’s like, “Sure thing.”
Analyssa: Carrie says, “I’ll do it.”
Riese: And then she is like, “I did it” and Finley sends off her college application. And then Carrie says:
Carrie: Well, no, it’s not actually a date.
Finley: What is it?
Carrie: I sort of joined her bowling league. I’m the newest member of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Gutter.
Finley: You know what? Playing the long game, I’ll take it.
Riese: And I thought it was a really good representation of how adult sports leagues make weird punny names. Although I was surprised that they didn’t somehow incorporate something lesbian adjacent into the name. But congrats to everybody.
Drew: Do we think that she asked, how do we think it went from asking out to bowling league?
Analyssa: I feel like she was like, “What are you doing some night?” And the plumber was like…
Analyssa: Bowling. Suddenly I’ve forgotten how to put words into sentences.
Riese: So did the writers.
Drew: It’s been a long day.
Riese: Just kidding. They didn’t. I love this episode.
Drew: And then we go to a cute little scene of Tess’s mom reminiscing and then there’s a Carly Simon song and they have a little dance moment. And it’s cute. If I felt more invested in Tess as a human being and well written character, I think I would probably be a little bit more into the moment.
Riese: Great robe.
Drew: Yeah. It’s a sweet little, little moment.
Riese: Her mom has great robes.
Drew: And it’s a reminder of Tess right before we watch Ivy walk up to Shane and drink her drink.
Analyssa: Top tier flirt.
Drew: Which is— Have you seen that in the world?
Analyssa: I’ve done that in the world.
Riese: Oh my god, I’ve done that so many times.
Analyssa: Top tier flirt.
Drew: I’ve never seen that.
Analyssa: That’s a huge flirting move.
Riese: I’ve done it probably a hundred times.
Analyssa: I’ve done it so many times in my life.
Riese: Just take it right out of their hand and put it in my mouth. Yes.
Analyssa: Sometimes, what are you drinking? Grab it and drink.
Drew: Okay sure. But just walking across and taking it? And especially because it’s not like a straw. A straw I’ve seen.
Analyssa: But they’ve been flirting.
Drew: Oh no, I’m not criticizing. I’m just in awe of it. It would just work on me so well and it’s never been done on me.
Analyssa: I think that there’s a specific energy though, to the…
Riese: There is. There’s something, it’s like an intimacy, cause you’re like, “I’m not afraid of your germs.”
Drew: You’re putting your mouth where their mouth is.
Riese: And so then maybe you could put your mouth on each other’s mouths.
Analyssa: Right. Which is what happens later.
Drew: Why does everyone fuck at The Alice Show?
Analyssa: The set of The Alice Show should be memorialized.
Riese: It’s erotically charged.
Drew: Shane does not seem even a little bit concerned about the fact that she’s in a committed relationship. I feel like in the original, when she would do this, there would be a lot more tortured whatever. She’s like, “I know who I am and who I am is bending Ivy over and fingering her from behind.”
Riese: And God bless it. Bless them.
Analyssa: Bless them.
Riese: I thought this was a fantastic sex scene.
Drew: I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it.
Riese: Two thumbs up to everyone involved. Congrats to everyone. Sorry, Tess.
Analyssa: Sorry to Tess.
Riese: But also, again, as you said last time, I do think that she should get a freebie on this.
Drew: Yeah. Speaking of, I don’t want to say cheating because Gigi and Nat didn’t, it wasn’t a cheat. Gigi confesses the slight kiss. And Dani’s like, “Why are you trying to hurt me?” And Gigi’s like, “I need just some time.” And Dani’s like, “No, you don’t get time. We’re done. Go fuck yourself.” I know she doesn’t say go fuck yourself, but that’s the energy.
Analyssa: That’s the tone. Bold. Not what I would’ve done.
Riese: No. I would’ve wanted to spend at least three weeks talking about it.
Analyssa: Definitely feeling very tortured about it.
Riese: Yeah. I would’ve been in Slack the next day like, I’m having some personal problems, but I swear I’ll get my work done.
Drew: I get it, I get it. I don’t think that’s the move that I would’ve done, but I do understand the feeling of, you don’t seem interested in me anymore. It just happened a little too quick. But I do think she’s pulling away. She’s being distant. It feels weird. I get being like, “No, I don’t want that, if you have to think about whether you like me or not, then you don’t. And then we’re done.”
Analyssa: But I don’t really feel like that’s what she’s thinking about. My thing is just that she did just get hit by a car.
Drew: That is a very good point.
Riese: Yeah. Maybe she has a concussion.
Drew: That’s a really good point. Do concussions make you have developed feelings for your ex-wife? Is that common?
Riese: Every time I’ve had a concussion, I’ve immediately thought about Nat and my children. And the grape jelly.
Analyssa: She’s just reeling from a major event and they’ve been together for a year and a half.
Drew: That’s fair. That’s a good point.
Riese: But it’s a long time to just end it backstage at the Alice show. But I mean, Dani is very wham, bam, no thank you, ma’am.
Analyssa: Dani’s very reactive. Also, in fairness, which she brings up later, Dani has had this sort of thing happen to her already, so I can see that she’s primed to be like, “Fuck this, I’m out. I don’t need to wait around for it to get really bad.”
Drew: Yeah, that makes sense.
Analyssa: We cut back to the dating game and the contestants are giving such horrible answers to Why do you want to date Alice?
Analyssa: Someone saying:
Contestant 2: Smart, sexy, and beautiful. The full package.
Drew: What are you, like a middle school boy describing why you have a crush on someone and you don’t actually know anything about them? Very strange.
Riese: Saying what’s not to love. Honestly, a trap door should have opened up beneath his chair and he should have been shot to Middle Earth.
Drew: I would, again, I’d like to know where they found these people.
Analyssa: So Taylor says:
Taylor: Well, they promised me a coffee mug if I did the show. So, the free mug.
Riese: Yeah. That was cute.
Analyssa: It was very funny. And Alice likes it, and so Alice chooses Taylor. Surprise, surprise, surprise.
Riese: Yeah. I mean also Joey Lauren Adams has a famous voice.
Riese: She has a very distinct voice and it’s very sexy. What’s not to love?
Analyssa: I think that I had a crush on her when she was in Big Daddy. That’s why I asked.
Riese: In Dazed and Confused, loved her. Also, when I thought it was her in Empire Records before I realized it was Renee Zellweger, I loved that too.
Drew: Oh, Renee Zellweger in Empire Records is so hot. I do love how these two are totally twinning. When you see them standing next to each other on stage like that, you’re like, “This is exactly who Alice would date. Real live talk show Alice would absolutely date someone who’s less successful but looks very similar to her.”
Analyssa: They made Margaret Cho say, “Love is love is love” on stage. Which did…
Riese: Wasn’t she making fun of love is love?
Drew: They also made her say, “Unlike women’s reproductive rights in America, this choice is yours.” And I’m like, “That’s the best you can give Margaret Cho?” Let her write her own dialogue and pay her for it.
Riese: Yeah. I liked everything Margaret Cho said until the reproductive rights. And especially because then it flashed the audience.
Drew: The extras were extra-ing.
Riese: The extras were so extra. And I was like, “Okay.” They were like, “Good point about Roe v. Wade.”
Analyssa: Big nods from the crowd.
Drew: Speaking of just throwing things and hoping it works, Dani is just throwing those oranges at Nat’s car. It was very funny.
Analyssa: I loved it. And I also love that it’s a bit of a throwback to when Gigi is banging on the door of Nat’s home.
Riese: I didn’t love that, once again, we have mixed signals about alcohol in this program, Because she’s like, “I should drive,” whatever. Which, first of all, should you? Aren’t you on pain meds?
Drew: No. Neither of them should drive.
Riese: I only had a few sips. I’m like, “You’ve pulled out a full straw to drink an entire bottle of champagne. You had more than a few sips.” And then, but then she just like, “No, just cause you’re a really bad driver,” which was funny.
Drew: That was funny. But I also was like… Also is it that Sepideh Moafi had another show to be on? What is going on? They’re just broken up now?
Riese: I don’t know. I will die if she doesn’t come back.
Analyssa: I’ll be devastated.
Riese: Yeah. I lay down my life for her.
Analyssa: I know that I’m in the minority, but I would also lay down my life for Nat and Stephanie Allynne. I want to see more of them. I just don’t understand why.
Drew: I love this for you.
Analyssa: Whatever, I love—
Riese: I know. I love it for you.
Analyssa: Thank you.
Riese: Every time that Nat comes back, I’m like, “Oh, this would be great for you.”
Analyssa: Thank you for your support. You know what that is? Sisterhood. You know that is? Powerful.
Riese: And I think that, I really hope that this isn’t the end of Gigi for the season. I thought she was a regular, isn’t she in the promo photos?
Analyssa: I think so.
Drew: I just am so surprised by the breaking up of Gigi and Dani so quickly. It’s not that I thought they were so good together, but people loved them together. And I’m surprised we didn’t get to see it really.
Riese: Well, maybe what’s going to happen is they’ll get back together.
Drew: That’s true. That’s happened on The L Word before.
Drew: So now Dani is sad and tells Sophie, this is the second time the person she wanted to marry ran off with someone else.
Riese: Also Dani’s eating 17 oranges. So that’s really great. Her skin is going to be glowing. Vitamin C.
Analyssa: So many oranges.
Riese: Radiant. She won’t need to take a multivitamin.
Drew: But they have some nice friendship moment. Dani says that Sophie’s killing it at work.
Riese: I thought that was a really good moment of how you always think someone else’s life is going better than yours. Where she’s always on both sides.
Analyssa: They’re both like, “You’re so together. You are killing it.” And both of them are looking at the other person.
Drew: Especially to your example who you haven’t totally patched things up with yet, you’re pretending to be doing better.
Riese: Also, you always look at your ex and think, “Oh my God, my ex is thriving without me.” You never see that. You never consider that anything could possibly be bad until your friends are like, “No, that she’s treating her just like she treated you.” And you’re like, “No, she’s not.”
Analyssa: They’re happy.
Riese: They’re happy. We never, in a way that we couldn’t be.
Analyssa: Why wouldn’t she feel that way about me? Yeah. Big stuff. Honestly, Sophie is a bigger person than me, because if Dani had made that little crack about two people who she wanted to marry leaving her, I would’ve just gracefully said, “Well, this seems like you’re having a bad time. I’m going to go.”
Riese: I would’ve felt so guilty,
Drew: I would’ve just stayed there and taken all the emotion. Give it to me.
Riese: I would’ve been like, “Unload it onto me entirely. I’m terrible.”
Drew: Let me help you and make you feel better.
Riese: Whatever you need. Do you want me to eat an orange?
Drew: So she then invites Dani over. I might have checked in with Finley, but that’s fine.
Analyssa: Will that come back to bite us? Don’t know. And Dani is a little bit confused by this as, honestly, am I. And Dani’s like, “Are you trying to get back together with me right now?” Sophie says not a fucking chance. Which now if I’m Dani, I say gracefully, “Go fuck yourself.”
Drew: I would also be like, “You don’t have to be that…”
Riese: I just love how direct Dani is, though. Whatever’s on her mind, she just fucking asks it.
Drew: Yeah. I really enjoy that. She doesn’t have to stay for the party. She just had to stay for the episode, which is interesting. But we’re going with it. And then Taylor tells Alice, “I’m from Normal. You’re from Alice. You don’t actually like this. No.” And Alice keeps being like, “No, you’re not. You’re not regular. If you are, so am I. And I once dated a famous person when I wasn’t famous. I get it.”
Riese: Do you think she’s talking about Dana?
Analyssa: Alice saying, “I’m just like you. I was once regular,” basically, really got me.
Riese: I thought it was so cute and authentic how she basically was like, “It’s okay.” It doesn’t even occur to her that Alice might actually want to go on the date. She’s like, “It’s fine. You don’t have to do this.” There’s no part of her that thinks she’s even rejecting Alice at all. It doesn’t even cross her mind.
Analyssa: She just runs a humble, liberated coffee stand.
Riese: Yeah. But surely someone in her life has been like, “You know you’re unusually hot. You should do voiceover.”
Analyssa: I really loved that she’s giving Alice a big chef’s kiss to the episode. And I was like, “But what about a real kiss?” I thought they would make that joke.
Drew: I did too.
Riese: Yeah. But she is, she’s going to do it, right? She said she’d give Alice a little.
Drew: Yeah, I think this might be a love interest.
Analyssa: Potential candidate for the one.
Riese: Oh yeah. This is probably the one. Although if we’re doing this, then maybe Tasha, if everyone’s getting back with their exes, maybe Lisa’s the one.
Drew: Wow. That would be what I want to see. Trans woman Lisa returns. It’s what the people want. And by the people, I mean me, and my friends because my friends love me.
Riese: If Bette’s mom came back to life, couldn’t Dana come back to life?
Drew: That’s something
Analyssa: Now we’re cooking. Tess has arrived to just miss all of the episode, basically.
Riese: At any point in LA, if the episode has already started and you’re still at home, you’re not going to make it.
Analyssa: Yes. If you are leaving at the time that you need to be somewhere, wrong. You’re not going to get there in time.
Riese: Yeah. Stay at home and watch a show.
Drew: Shane is like, “I want to leave for no particular reason. Let’s get out of here real quick, real quick, real quick.” And they do. And oh, in the meantime, Tess also apologizes because we need that moment of Tess being like, “Actually, I’m sorry.”
Riese: I’m sorry I was a little harsh.
Analyssa: I take it back.
Riese: You can hit me with an ax.
Analyssa: But Shane can’t take back what she did in that blue light room.
Drew: I thought Ivy was going to come out right then. But instead Ivy waits until Sophie’s there. And I want to say that I really respect this, because I do think that if I felt like I was being kept a secret, I would be like, “I’m not going to be so chaotic that I ruined this person’s relationship. But I do want one person to know that Shane and I fucked. I want one person to know.”
Riese: Does she know that Shane has a girlfriend?
Analyssa: I don’t think Ivy does. Or would.
Drew: Oh, that’s a good point.
Analyssa: I don’t see why.
Drew: Oh, that feels…
Analyssa: So, I think she’s just bragging that she boned at work.
Drew: So maybe she didn’t even hear voices outside though. It wasn’t calculated. Unless Shane was like, “Stay in here.” I don’t know.
Riese: But she maybe knew because she found out Shane owned the bar and Shane owns the bar with Tess.
Analyssa: Oh yeah. Maybe. I think also a quick Instagram lurk would’ve revealed this information.
Drew: I think she probably has an idea. But I guess if I was flirting with a hot person and I was like, “I think this person has a partner” and they didn’t bring up their partner and continue to flirt with me, I would go, either this person is one of the many couples who are non-monogamous in some way, in a healthy way that is totally fine and not really represented on TV, or it’s not a happy relationship, in which case, no offense, but that’s not really my problem.
Riese: Wow. Ripe for invasion.
Drew: Well, we get our only appearance of Micah in the episode to be like, “I’m going to go away because Finley’s doing a special dinner for Sophie. Excuse me, the characters who matter are doing something. So I’m going to go to my room, goodbye.”
Analyssa: I’ll be the Harry Potter line that’s like, “I’ll be in my room making no noise and pretending I do not exist.”
Riese: And he’s also like, “That steak looks really good,” and Finley’s like:
Finley: It’s chicken.
Drew: That was funny. I did enjoy that.
Riese: But then Sophie shows up and first Finley’s like, “I made you this dinner.” It’s so cute. Whatever. Because I applied to college and your 100th episode. And then Dani comes in right behind and:
Dani: Figured I’d come piss in your hallway for a change.
Drew: So good. I loved it.
Analyssa: No notes.
Drew: Especially followed by truce. That is so, that’s power and I love it. And then Micah’s like, “I hear Dani, so I’m allowed to be in the episode for another beat.”
Riese: And they’re reunited.
Drew: They get to be friends again. And I did like that.
Riese: The original foursome who lived in that house together, they’re all around the table and they’re all going to be best friends forever.
Analyssa: I’m happy for them and I’m excited to see them all around the table.
Riese: Me too.
Drew: And that’s the episode.
Riese: Okay. So one thing about this episode that I think is important is that this is the first episode of any season of The L Word that has not included Bette Porter.
Drew: Because she’s in Toronto. And wait, am I not going to be in the next episode of our lives, cause I’m going to Toronto tonight? Do I just get removed? Depends whose story it is, I guess.
Riese: Well, you could call Angie if you wanted to.
Drew: That’s true. So we get a little bit of a reference. Cool. Though in the original show, when Bette would go to New York or whatever, we’d go with her. It just depends on who’s, you know, who’s the focus. But yeah, Bette is not in this episode.
Riese: I don’t know. I really expected we were going to see them in Toronto.
Drew: I’m fine with it because I do think that ultimately they want them to be endgame. And so if they want them to be endgame, what are we going to do with them for the whole season? Even if, I don’t know, I don’t need any more back and forth between are Bette and Tina going to get back together if the ultimate conclusion is yes. So just keep them together. Keep them in Toronto. They make appearances here and there. I’m fine with that. Watching people, I mean, there’s a reason why there’s so much cheating and chaos on The L Word. You need conflict.
Riese: In every show.
Drew: More creative ways to do conflict, but…
Riese: Grey’s Anatomy.
Riese: Murdoch Mysteries.
Drew: Unless one of them’s going to die, which I don’t think people would want. Can you imagine? Yeah. I don’t know. So we either need to really get into Tina’s work and really get into the intricacies of Murdoch Mysteries and what it takes to create that show, or what other categories in life. Family, I Bette’s reconciled with her mom and all the rest of her family’s dead. Tina, I don’t know.
Riese: She could run a marathon.
Drew: That’s nice.
Analyssa: They could start a business together.
Riese: They could start a little crafts business making bracelets.
Drew: But that wouldn’t really be respecting Tina’s work.
Riese: They could start a business making matching hoodies for dogs and humans.
Drew:Wow. That is cute.
Riese: That already exists.
Drew: Did we like this episode?
Riese: I did.
Analyssa: I did.
Riese: I liked it a lot. I thought it was really fun. I liked having a break from Bette and Tina. I liked that we were able to focus on the other characters, and also it meant that there was always a actor on screen at any given moment, which was fun.
Drew: There was a lot of fun stuff in this episode. There was also a lot of stuff that felt maddening and confusing, but it was eased by the fact that there were good guest stars. Rosie’s back. There was that meet cute. That was really fun.
Riese: No, I was entertained and enjoying myself for the whole time. There wasn’t any part where I was like…
Analyssa: Yeah, me either. And the interesting thing is that the first two episodes of the season feel like they functioned as a mini movie. And now this almost has season premiere vibes where there’s a lot of seeds planted for different stuff.
Drew: That’s a really good point.
Analyssa: Which is interesting, because we were just saying how last episode was season finale vibes. It feels like those two episodes were sort of their own piece.
Riese: Yeah, like Battlestar Galactica when they have the little… No.
Analyssa: Nothing for me.
Drew: I mean, lots of shows do in between seasons, like a little movie. Very British.
Analyssa: Very British.
Riese: So I had a great time. I liked the episode. Everyone did a wonderful job. And I liked Margaret Cho. I liked Joey Lauren Adams and I liked Khelani.
Analyssa: We’re being blessed by iconic guest stars this year.
Riese: Oh, and Rosie. I hope we get more Rosie.
Drew: Me too.
Analyssa: I do too.
Riese: She was filming a few times, so hopefully, I feel like she was back and forth.
Analyssa: Yeah. I feel like she posted last episode or something, which means more than one.
Drew: Yeah. I hope we get to see this whole romance. Are we not going to? That would be such a bummer.
Analyssa: Drew, how would we know that?
Drew: I know, I know. I just don’t want them to desexualize her. I want to get, I don’t know. Anyways, we’ll see. And you’ll see.
Lauren Klein: Thank you so much for listening to this episode of To L and Back: Generation Q Edition, one of two podcasts brought to you by Autostraddle dot com. You can follow us on Instagram and Twitter at To L and Back, and you can also email us at email@example.com. Our theme song is by the talented B Stedwell, and our Gen Q logo is by Jax Co. This episode was produced, edited, and mixed by me, Lauren Klein. You can find me on Instagram at Lauren Taylor Klein. You can follow Drew everywhere at Draw_Gregory. You can follow on Analyssa on Instagram at analoka with two As, and on Twitter at analoka with one a and an underscore. You can follow the legendary Riese Bernard everywhere at Ottawin. Autostraddle is at Autostraddle. And of course the reason why we’re all here, autostraddle.com. And finally, to end this ep, let’s hear some keyword words from our girlies.
Drew: 3, 2, 1…
Riese: Quiz Show.
Drew: Once again, Riese, you’ve crushed it.
Riese: Yeah, thank you. It’s quiz show because this episode was called Quiz Show.
Analyssa: Nice. Nailed it.
Riese: Thank you.
Analyssa: I said quagmire.
Analyssa: First Q word that popped in my head, honestly. Actually, the first thing that popped into my head was chaos spelled with a Q.
Riese: The first thing that popped into my head was Quincy.
Drew: Qualitative, because that’s the only way that you can judge. I mean, that’s how I judge the TV show. Not quantitatively, because it’s not really numbers involved unless I was doing it by how many hookups or if you do your fight count.
Analyssa: I was going to say, that’s a Riese recap style.
Drew: But you don’t judge the episodes off of being good or bad based on how many things there are. But yeah, so that’s the key word I thought of. Well, I got a flight to catch.
Riese: Oh yeah. To Toronto to see Tina.
Drew: To Toronto to see Tina.
Analyssa: How very The L Word: Gen Q of you to have to run out to get to the airport.
Analyssa: You need an 18 year old driving you madly. But instead it’s just me.
Drew: That’s so nice. Such a nice friend. Ana’s driven me to the airport and picked me up multiple times in the last month.
Riese: Wow. You’re a hero.
Analyssa: I actually love driving people to and from the airport. This is something to know about me if we are friends.
Riese: Can you pick up my mom on December 9th?
Analyssa: I don’t know your mom, but I would.
Analyssa: I do. I just like it. I think first of all, there is some karmic points.
Riese: Someday, someone will give you a ride to the airport.
Analyssa: I have been driven to the airport by Drew and also my other roommate and also many other friends who have been like, “Oh yeah, you did that for me.” But I don’t really do it for that. I do it for 40 minutes of being in the car, hanging with my friend.
Drew: That’s so nice.
Riese: That’s so sweet.
Analyssa: And then you get to drive back and you get to play music or just be, I like being in the car. I’m from the Midwest. We drive a lot.
Analyssa: Okay. That’s it.
Drew: See you next week.
Riese: See you next week!