This Is Literally How We Do It: Lesbian Sex Positions 101

Sex is good; better sex is great. One of my favorite ways to make good sex great is in switching things up a little bit. We’ve all peeped a cosmo article about “spicing” things up when we’re “bored” in the bedroom, but there are a number of reasons why switching up your positions (and locations!) can be beneficial to you and your partner(s). The way we shape and shift our bodies to fit to one another can be one of the most fundamental parts of sex and intimacy. Folks have likely been finding creative ways to do so since we started hooking up. So often position guides focus on genitals-on/in-genitals when in reality there’s a million ways to smoosh bodies together. Throw in some sex toys, throw in some sex tools, throw in a good bottle of lube — hell, throw a third or fourth person in the mix! I like to think of it as letting go of what we think should feel good, and adapting to what actually does. First, let’s talk about what our priorities are when we’re choosing literally how to do it.


What do we want?

Mutual Satisfaction

There’s a common idea that switching up your sex positions is indicative of boredom. That doesn’t have to be true; the fact of the matter is sex should be mutually satisfying, and trying out new positions might reveal a way for it to be more so! That’s all; it isn’t a condemnation of how you’ve been doing things previously. No two bodies are exactly the same; the ways we go about fitting them together shouldn’t be either. Pleasure-focused sex unleashes variety in your sex life, and that is a beautiful thing.

Variety & Creativity

Though it’s entirely true that boredom isn’t the only reason to switch things up, it’s also true that sometimes, the same scenarios get old. Finding new ways to fit with your partner keeps things fresh and new, and gives off that feeling of excitement that can all-too-often get lost. A little creative positioning can help you find new things that turn you on. It opens the door to finding new parts of your bodies to explore, new sensations, and new ways of seeing each other. And who doesn’t want that?

We (and our bodies) are forever changing; we get injured, or more flexible, or change shape or size. What works one day might not work for us years later. Switching into positions we might otherwise automatically go-to is a great way to find new erogenous zones or kinks, and hell, that’s just fun.

Intimacy & Control

The ways in which we choose to position (or not position) our bodies during sex allows us a level of control in seeing and being seen by another person. For example, in a casual encounter, one might not want face-to-face intimacy the way they might want with someone they are deeply connected to. For others, that connectivity and intimacy is a key part of sex. In changing the ways our bodies connect or approach one another, we’re exerting our agency over the situation. It’s a way to advocate for as little or as much as we may need, rather than settle for what we think we can get, or what we think we’re supposed to want.

Physical Comfort & Hitting the Spot

The biggest reason for switching things up in the bedroom is also maybe the most important. Sex is supposed to feel good! All of our bodies are different and want different things. Maybe some of our bodies threw their back out at work last week. By switching up our positions we can achieve different types of orgasms, and find the things that our bodies need to feel good. What feels good, or is feasible for one body may not work entirely for another — and really, why contort your body to unfavorable conditions if it’s not doing anything for you?

When it comes to hitting the spot, there’s no direct map to the famed G-spot and the perfect orgasm. Every person’s body is different, it would be naive to think that everyone’s is in the exact same place, with the exact same sensitivity to stimulation. Switching up angles of penetration, intensity, speed, etc. is sometimes the only way to find what really works for you, or your partner.


How do you do it?

So we’re all getting pretty hip with all the why’s in switching up our sex positions. Now, how do we go about deciding what positions to try? Rather than giving you a shortlist of what I think you (and your body I know nothing about) should try, here’s a quick little roundup of some of the good stuff that’s out there so you can decide for yourself. Remember that the possibilities are pretty much endless, so there’s no exhaustive list. And remember as always that your bod is unique and rad, and you can do so many things with it. Take what applies to you, and leave the rest. It helps to have a bit of an imagination.

Partnered Oral & Penetrative Sex

Some basic positions are fairly intuitive, depending on what activity you’re interested in: going down on someone as they sit or lie down, or touching/penetrating someone’s genitals in really any variety of positions where you can comfortably access them. While skydiving perhaps. What about scissoring, that mysterious vixen? Great news, this post by Austen about yes, Virginia, scissoring contains many helpful illustrations.

For sort of a 102 primer, Refinery29’s Steamy Sex Positions For Lesbians is a primo place to start. I like this guide a ton because it acknowledges that sex is more than our genitals, uses inclusive language, and offers up cool tips for how to adapt positions to fit your needs. The positions included cover oral, strap-on sex, fingering and combinations thereof. I also like this guide because it brings props and location switch-ups into the equation!

Changing the location of where your bodies bang is great too; no need to stay in the bedroom when there’s a whole wide world (or at least apartment) out there. Romantic dinners are great; romantic dinners that you pause halfway through cooking to have sex on the kitchen table are also great! Just a thought. Initiating sex outside the bedroom breaks up the routine of having sex as linked only to going to sleep. In the event that you’re not so keen on sex outside the bedroom, know that you don’t even have to leave the bedroom to mix things up. Your bedroom is comprised of its own positioning props: walls! And a bed.

Beds are totally underused positioning props, despite sex happening there most frequently. Standing while leaning over a bed is great to support a body bent at the waist and a wonderful position for penetrative sex, oral sex, and rimming. Utilizing the edge of the bed while another partner is standing or sitting off the bed can be fun as well; as it leaves hands free to push someone’s head against you, get tangled in hair, or slap a cheek. Walls are also great props: place hands on them, faces against them; heck, push a whole body tight against the wall for a fun impact play position.

Disability-inclusive guides like this one from The Mighty are a great reference for folks with physical access needs (and everyone, really). It’s helpful to remember that much like our beds and walls as props, the anything and everything can be a sex tool rule very much includes mobility devices!

Sadly, one thing sincerely lacking in easy to access guides is body positive position guides — especially for queer folks. But that’s not to say there’s no information out there. If you’re looking for a good resource, I recommend Curvy Girl Sex for the positions, inclusivity of all types of sex, and damn cute illustrations. If anyone has some cool body positive references, or personal tips and tricks leave them in the comments below!

Lastly, Kinkly has a pretty rad online sex positions generator! Complete with bondage options and difficulty levels. As a heads up it’s gendered sorta weird, but all position can really be effective for folks of any gender presentation.

Solo Sex

Rethinking your positioning shouldn’t be isolated to sex with partners. There are just as many ways to switch things up while masturbating as there are with a partner. As Carolyn discussed in our masturbation guide, we can have a tendency to stay stuck in a rut with how we first started masturbating. If you usually masturbate on your stomach/lying back/sitting up/in the bath, challenge yourself to try something different, or several somethings different. If you use a toy or prosthetic, you might try it in new and different positions, angles or configurations — sitting on top of a vibrator rather than holding it against you, for instance. You might learn something new about what feels good in your body, useful info for both solo and partnered sex in the future!

Solo sex guides are often heavily focused on genitalia and use pretty binary language. Lelo has this quick little guide for folks that I dig, both for its language usage and its tips. There are tips for anal and vaginal penetrative solo sex, as well as external stimulation.


Position Enhancers

Last but certainly not least, there are position enhancers. This can be anything from sex-specific furniture, to slings and restraints, to DIY set ups — anything to help get your body in just the right spot. I am not going to tell you how many sex position enhancers I have in my bedroom, but it’s more than one. And while many of them can be an investment, they were worth every penny.

For solo sex, there are toy mounts like the hands-free rocking Pulse Toy Mount from Liberator — or opt for a dildo with a suction cup functionality like this one from NS Novelties (or make a flat-ended toy suction cupped with this double suction cup!).

Sometimes the positioning of sex and the kind of sex you’re having are inextricably related, like with some kink activities. Maybe your sex involves someone being tied down and splayed out, or  If interested in queer inclusive guides to bondage and restraints, check out how to tie someone up, and five ways to restrain someone by Carolyn. You might take a look at Cee’s series on shibari bondage, and their thoughts on positions for spanking! Beyond the ropes, there are cuffs, collars/leashes, and under the bed restraint systems like this one from Sportsheets.

For furniture options, there are wedges, ramps and pillows that can help in positioning your waist or hips in more comfortable ways; spanking benches to bend over, hang onto or lean into; suction-function shower railings for better grip and stability when you’re getting down in a slippery space; sex swings and riders; sex slings — you name it.


Sex isn’t one thing. It’s a million things. There’s a million ways to have it and there’s a million ways to enjoy it. So get creative, mix things up, and focus on what feels good. Also, scissoring is real. Get over it, haters.

Alyssa is a totally complete incomplete paraplegic and thirty-something hanky-in-the-pocket cartoonist weirdo!

Alyssa has written 63 articles for us.